I'm not a player by any means, but tonight I met a dude who was basically like a noob "PUA" and it made me realize how far I've come. He was making all these mistakes that I used to make. I thought I'd share some things that I've learned through experience that I wish I had known earlier. This is geared towards noobies and isn't listed in any particular order.

  • When you approach, approach as though you already know the person. Body language and tonality (absolutely no uptalk, commanding tone with 0 neediness) are the most important things here. If you think and act like it's normal to approach them, then they'll think it's normal too. If you act like it's weird, then they'll think it's weird. Approaching shouldn't even be a "thing". It's just something you do (like saying "thanks" to the cocktail waitress). Not to shove RSD terminology into this, but the "law of state transference" is really true.

  • Neediness is like kryptonite to a girl. If they sense any desperation or outcome-dependence, they'll instantly be turned off. Learn how to speak in a manner that doesn't exhibit even a minute sense of neediness. Say whatever the fuck you want (without being rude and tactless). Offer value. And by that I don't mean recite lame-ass canned routines, I mean speak in a manner that adds to the conversation without taking. You don't need anyone's validation. When you tell a joke, you're not pinging for a laugh to validate your own sense of humor and worth. You don't give a shit because you know you're funny. That's the mindset you need to have.

Remember, wanting != needing. Neediness is when pussies beg for sex. Wanting is when men exhibit intent. This is very similar to point #1. When you're not pinging for validation (say, when you're getting physical), they're more likely to go along with it because it's normal and you're used to it happening with girls.

Don't be outcome-dependent. You should NEVER be begging any girl for a # (unless you're being sarcastic or something and it's obvious that you're joking and don't really need her #. notice a pattern here?). It's pathetic. Any girl who feels like she's doing you a favor by giving you her # sure as hell isn't going to respond to you the next day.

  • Learn how to talk and talk and talk. Not to say that you should be that obnoxious guy that won't shut the fuck up and doesn't realize that nobody gives a shit what he's saying. Far from that. I'm just saying that you need to know how to start a random conversation and keep it moving. Girls like guys who are interesting and fun, not boring people who give off the typical laundry list of "hi, how are you you? where are you from? what do you do for a living?" type of questions. If you say the same shit that every other guy says, then they'll just lump you into the category of every other chump they've rejected that night. Be interesting (but it needs to feel natural, not forced or staged). Focus more on saying statements rather than asking questions. Asking a (boring) question for the most part is the equivalent of taking value. Saying something meaningful or asking a good question is the equivalent of giving value. You're not being interesting for the sake of impressing girls (that makes you outcome dependent), you're doing it because that's who you are. Once you get the conversation started though, I think it's better to be more mysterious. Don't go off on a 30-minute anecdote about yourself every time you get the chance. Again, you shouldn't be coming off as trying to impress.

  • Physical contact is everything. If you're not touching her, you're not getting laid. Assume attraction (again this is similar to #1). Stop pinging for validation. You're the giver of value, not the taker. My first makeout with a random girl wasn't from talking to her for 30 minutes, slowly escalating, and then going in for a kiss. Fuck no. I made eye contact with a girl, pulled her in, and then made out with her. To be honest I don't think this is the best way to go actually and I think that making out should be more of something that she has to work for, but I'm still a noob and experimenting. At the least it's worth trying this once for the confidence and the knowledge that this "game" stuff isn't as hard as you probably make it out to be.

  • You should be screening the girl as much as she is screening you. You are the buyer, not the seller. When you approach her, your mindset should be "is she cool?" rather than "how do I get her to like me". Oh and if getting her number is your goal from the start, then chances are she'll be a flake. Girls aren't going to respond the next day to some random guy they met at a bar unless it was a meaningful interaction. So that's what your focus should be. Numbers are secondary to that.

Yea that's basically all I can think of right now. I'm still a noob, but those are some of the most important lessons I've learned the hard way. I think RSD has the best advice out there (not just for getting girls, but for life in general), so check that out if you haven't already. Watching videos like SimplePickup and seeing the ridiculous shit they get away with helps too. It's all about having fun and meeting the right girls for you. Nothing replaces experience, so go out and make it happen.

5/14 - Another useful point I just remembered: I once read that you feel closer to someone not based on how much you know them but based on how much they know you. Think about it, how close do you feel to people in your family? Or of the same race/religion? Or of your doctor after he/she has asked you a series of very personal/embarrassing questions and then stuck his/her hand up your ass? Incorporate this into your philosophy. Don't stalk them, but actually listen to and remember what they say. The more personal/embarrassing stuff you know about them, the better.