Most of you guys should have experienced the miscommunication that tends to happen a lot in the communication between men and women, especially with your girlfriend(s), dates, LTRs etc.

And so today, I’ve decided to effectively clear the air with regards to women’s preferred style of communication which seems so elusive to us men. I can’t emphasize this enough – what I’m about to say is super effective and if you’re able to grasp it fully and correctly it’ll give you so much clarity and insight into a seemingly whole other realm of communication that you’ve probably been blind to all this while.

Let’s get into it.

Firstly let’s understand that for men, the message is usually the message. For example -

Spoken word (men): “I can’t go out this weekend as I’ve got some overdue work I have to get done.”

True message : “I can’t go out this weekend as I’ve got some overdue work I have to get done.”

And for women –

Spoken word (women): “I can’t go out this weekend as I’ve got some overdue work I have to get done.”

Possible message (a): “I can’t go out this weekend as I’ve got some overdue work I have to get done.”

Or…

Possible message (b): “Get the hint, I’m not interested in you so stop asking me out.”

Or…

Possible message (c): “I really do want to go out with you, but I don’t know how much you value me and whether or not you truly want to see me this weekend, so I’ll say I can’t and hope that you persist and ask me out again.”

Or…

Possible message (d): “Right now I don’t feel like saying yes to you… but who knows I might get bored this weekend and possibly change my mind. Hmm why not I dodge the question for now and keep you in the conversation until I finally decide closer to the actual date.”

Please note that possible messages (a) through (d) are non-exhaustive. In fact, the actual message that the woman in this example is trying to put across to the man could be anything in between, a mix of messages, or worst still – dependent on your response to her message. (Don’t get confused by that last bit, that’s next level stuff that won’t be covered here)

Okay so that’s one simple example showcasing my point that in general for men, the message is the message. And for women a lot of the time… the message is not the message, but the medium is the message – and context matters… A LOT.

So by now I can hear the guys out there who are reading this complaining, “Man, I’m fucked. Why must women make things so complicated?”

Well the short answer to that is that if women acted more like men, they’d be… more like men. And as a result, we men wouldn’t be that attracted to them in the first place. So quit yer yapping and instead, decide to take an actual concrete step towards gleaning the lesson out of this post right now.

Okay, I hear you guys loud and clear – “What should I do then, as a man, in order to get to the heart of what my woman is trying to communicate to me???”

Well in short – first understand that you need to be looking not directly at the message… but around it.

What is the context through which she asks a question or states something? Therein lies the answer! (or at least some hints to the answer)

And now, let's look at another example:

You usually work out at the gym on weekends, and you know of this cute chick who’s a regular there as well. You both know of each other’s existence but haven’t actually said ‘hi’ to each other yet.

One day as you’re there, you realise that she tends to cross your path a lot on that day in particular. When you’re at the squat rack… somehow she’s using the machine just behind it. Later on when you’re using a machine at another part of the gym and then head to the water-cooler for a quick drink and finally come back… somehow she’s magically appeared and using the machine right next to yours and you catch her glancing around as if ‘in a daze’ as you approach. And finally, as you soldier on through the end of your workout, you notice her lingering near the entrance doing some ‘stretching’ that to you seems a bit odd and prolonged.

To you things might’ve seemed a bit off but you probably didn’t think twice about it.

However to her… she’s been screaming at you the entire time to MAKE A MOVE, DUMMY.

(P.s. if you think back and realize this has happened to you before and there were countless of missed opportunities where you could’ve gotten to know an attractive girl/woman but just didn’t know what concrete signs to look out for or what exactly to say to her… feel free to drop me a PM and we’ll see what we can do about it lma0zx)

So coming right back to it -- what’s the big lesson to be learnt here?

The Message Is Not The Message, The Medium Is The Message!

Even when she doesn’t say anything… don’t look directly at her (lack of a) message, look around that at the medium and context instead!

Finally, the crux of being able to accurately and consistently decipher the true message of the women in your life lies in something I like to call Calibration.

And developing Calibration when communicating and understanding women takes a good blend of realization, intuition and practise. Plus… the guidance of someone whom you know knows his stuff.

Now to all the guys who’ve come this far reading and who might be starting to feel frustrated, lost and confused... Don’t give up. It might be tricky in the beginning to get a hold of this entirely different style of communication but trust me – it’s well worth mastering.

In fact, apart from simply improving your communication and relationship with women, I’ve personally noticed that extremely high-performing people (men & women both) are highly adept at this style of communication. And after spending some time in first learning how to pick true messages out, to then communicating in appropriate instances this way yourself… It’ll soon become second-nature to you; seamless, effortless and best of all – effective.

So have fun thinking back to past examples where you’ve now realized a girl/woman/your partner was communicating to you in her whole medium-as-message manner and how you utterly misinterpreted it and screwed it up… and keep a lookout for instances in future where such a style of communication is coming out from the women in your life. Enjoy 😉