Hi everyone,

I’ll be honest I’m starting to notice that I suck at “closing the deal” with any girl. However before I start ranting, thanks in advance for whoever takes the time to read this. I hope I do not come across as arrogant or full of myself , because I am not…if anything I’ve been told a lot that I underestimate myself.

I’m a 24 year old male who just graduated college last year and I’ve only been in one serious relationship my whole life. I dated a girl from 9th grade all the way to sophomore year of college (yes I know it was a long time). Now here I am roughly 4 years later and all I have encountered is a couple handfuls of drunk-random one night stands.

Now without sounding like a tough guy on the internet, in all honesty I’m a pretty good looking normal dude. I’ve been told this by plenty of women. I stay in very good shape and can hold a conversation with just about anybody. I’m very outgoing and friendly/talkative, sometimes I feel like I’m too friendly.

Well enough ranting about me, here’s a quick explanation of my recent “failure”…

I studied abroad last year and met a lot of amazing people, one of them was a girl who I became good friends. I wouldn’t say we were exceptionally close by any means but we were around each other quite a bit and hung out in a similar group of friends... we never hooked up.

Now this past weekend I went back to my school and visited some friends who were graduating. I reached out to her before I went up and asked if she was going to be at my friend’s party. She said yes and was super excited to see me, as was I. We met at the pre-game and talked for a solid couple hours, took some photos together and played catch up. Then later I met back up with her and few of her friends at the bar for a couple hours. Honestly we were just having a great time talking and laughing with each other. She put her hands on me a few times and was really giving me her full attention. We talked about traveling, future plans, I bought us a few rounds and so on…Basically I found myself playing it safe the whole time asking a ton of generic questions about her travel plans, work, blah blah blah. Now this is where I get beyond irritated with myself. I began focusing on how she has plans to move away at the end of this summer. Next thing I know my mind starts racing saying things to myself like “ah we can’t date, it won’t work ‘cause she’s leaving” or “she’s probably not looking for anything right now.” …the list goes on.

The bar closes, it’s 2 am and we end up going back to her place along with a couple of her friends to “dance”. We were all talking in the living room, jamming to music until about 4 a.m. We were flirting quite a bit and held hands halfway a couple times. She just kept talking to me and at this point we were both decently drunk and had about 10% of our voices left.

The night got to the point where she asked me what I was doing and even offered for me to “crash on her couch.” Like a complete idiot I played the nice guy act and said I could just walk back to my friends apartment where I was originally staying (it wasn’t far). We said goodbye and at this point her friends went upstairs and we were alone. Standing in the hallway we gave each other a couple long hugs, said how nice it was to see each other and how we can’t wait for next time. Then I LEFT. Cringe-cringe, I know, what hell is wrong with me?? The walk back home I was immediately mad at myself and found my mind racing wondering if I should have just kissed her and seen what happened.

It’s been a couple days now and I am still frustrated with myself and experiencing some annoying anxiety over this whole situation. I’m noticing I’ve been trying to reassure myself that it wasn’t that big of a deal because we’re still friends and I didn’t take a risk at ruining our friendship. Which is good, I guess? But too be honest I’m very upset and feel like I totally failed. Not to mention we were both a little drunk, which I’m trying to tell myself “that wouldn’t have been a good way to hook up”

Sometimes I feel like I talk way too much when I should just shut up, take a breath and make a move. I’m becoming very annoyed with myself because this is not the first time I’ve been in a situation like this. Within this past year I have had multiple scenarios somewhat similar to this and my outcome is usually the same.

Why can’t I close the deal? Am I just beating around the bush too much? I definitely have some sexual anxiety because I’m constantly nervous about having bad sex or not impressing someone. This past weekend has me kind of worked up, should I have just made the move?

Thanks for taking the time to read this…