Immaturity

AffectionateEchidna5 · 2020-02-19T22:45:07+00:00

Behavior. If he behaves like someone fresh out of high school drop him. By that I mean, they're a hot damn mess. They don't have their head together, they don't have a plan for their future, they don't have a set structure.

I get asked out by young guys and it's usually the same. They're not ready emotionally. This heavily relies on their age and how they were raised. There's always an exception. I don't see nothing wrong with dating younger it's a personal choice, but if you end up playing mommy you'll be the one pissed. Make sure this guy is up to par. Asking younger guys out is a no go for me. Like, ever. Younger men goof off more than older ones usually. You'll never know if he was truly interested if you did asking. This of course can apply to all men.

Good luck and hopefully he's a younger one with his shit together.

Hanna-love · 2020-02-20T00:22:43+00:00

A big one: Nothing is ever their fault. They find a way to blame anything and everyone but themselves. E.g. they got fired because their boss is a jackass, they got a bad grade because the class sucks and the professor is stupid. Don't expect them to ever think they were in the wrong, see your point of view, and especially apologize.

Easily apparent things: They don't really dress their age, or dress inappropriately for the situation, or a general sloppy appearance (hygiene comes with this too) . Their apartment or room, are they capable of decorating/cleaning in their own style? Do they have taste and what is it? Are their closets fairly organized or do they just shove things around in a pile? What is in their room? A pile of laundry, 50 cups, some posters and a gaming computer or is it tidy, the bed has sheets and blankets, he has his interests displayed (like a book shelf, creative project, or art). Can he articulate why he does or does not like things? Or is something just "good," or "stupid."

Does he have a pet? Is it happy and well-groomed (check shedding, nails, cleanliness of coat, in good shape). Does the pet have it's own area and toys, does he maintain that area and stimulate the pet? I met a guy with a husky who was immaculately groomed (they are notoriously high-maintenance), happy, calm (also notoriously difficult with huskies due to very high energy levels), and socially adjusted. He was an acquaintance so I saw him and his dog many times over a span of time, proving consistency of care. I said to him, "She's beautiful and you keep her wonderfully, you must be very proud," and he nodded his head in a manner of deep respect and replied, "Yes, I am." It showed he put A LOT of effort into caring for his animal which is a great sign (shows empathy, responsibility, understanding that another creature has needs and tries to understand and meet them, possibly though also a sign that he will prioritize the obsession over you, you can tell if he needlessly frets over minor inconveniences to the animal, like being left alone for an hour or two, or someone else touching it the 'wrong way'). My roommate on the other hand, hasn't washed his dog in 6 months, leaves her by herself for all but 2 hours of the day and night, doesn't clip her nails (you couldn't tell she hasn't had a bath, but you can SEE her poor nails), hasn't bothered to train her or adjust her socially to other people (actively encouraging others to not interact with her). She is afraid of many things, other dogs, humans, bicycles, cars, etc. Ask to go for a walk with him and his dog as a casual date because you love animals and see how he reacts. Does he insult the dog and speak poorly of it, not let you pet it or it growls at you, it looks unkempt or smells bad?

Verbal signifiers you can see early in casual conversation: Do they genuinely compliment and admire others, have role models (and who are they? Bernie Sanders or Ninja? If they don't have any, ask why, no one is up to their standards, NO ONE. Do they say please, thank you or I'm sorry, and address working people like humans or are they only nice to attractive women? Do they have concrete goals/dreams for the future (not just for work, but also hobbies and relationships) or just generally wish things were better or have no goals at all (!!!). What does he think about his mom? Does he hate her or put her on a pedestal? Does he empathize with her and understand that everyone has good and bad points? Just ask him what his mom is like and see what happens. How does he treat women and speak of them in general? Does he ever compliment women on merit alone? Or does he only ever speak highly of women who are attractive (complimenting her fitness, or body, or other physical attributes), and think poorly of unattractive people?

What kind of music does he like? I ask to swap playlists early on, granted they are curated but that also sends a message. Is he sending his genuine favorite music that is tasteful or only songs about how a dude wants to bang a girl or kill for respect? Does even he listen to yours?

Is he harsh towards others? Does he have extremely high expectations of others and places and gets upset or angry when something fails to exceed his unspoken expectations, but doesn't seem to focus that near himself. You can bet he will be projecting onto you and entitled to perfection while turning a blind eye on himself. Which brings me to, how does he deal with a disappointment? Is the croissant not crunchy enough for him AND IT'S A BIG DEAL, IT'S NOT THE WAY CROISSANTS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE AND IT'S A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE or does he shrug off minor, uncontrollable things and move on?

jazzcatto · 2020-02-20T00:52:44+00:00

Silent treatment and gaslighting vs actually talking about something — on the other end of that is resorting to being a martyr.

Is this person accountable in their lives and for their lives? Is everything balanced? Are they balanced? Lol

Title	Immaturity
Author	jazzcatto
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	February 19, 2020 8:55 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f6h837/immaturity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/immaturity.682001 https://theredarchive.com/post/682001

Comments