Am I alone with this feeling? | FemaleDatingStrategy

TL;DR - Do you get a nervous energy or achy pit in your stomach after a block and delete?

Backstory: LVM 1- been seeing an old school friend since February. A few weeks ago was his last sleepover and I woke up feeling like something was wrong from the night before. I asked about it and was told everything was fine. So I let it go. The next two weeks turn into me initiating all contact. Last conversation was a FaceTime he answered and we spoke about 3minutes ending with him saying he would call back. He hasn't to date and It's Freaking Mother's Day! I blocked him and deleted from FB. NVM2- ex/ babydaddy decided to be a total ass today kicking our grown (23) son out and taking gifts to our son away from him. All while yelling at us both. My son was living with him, working for his business (unpaid), cleaning house and babysitting his other kids for him for the last few years. My son has Nothing to show for it. Not the car he was promised or the education plan we had when he initially moved there. But somehow this scrote had the audacity to yell at us when either of us said a Single word to him. His act was so ridiculous that neighbors came up to us as we left saying how we didn't deserve that and he's just mad his free labor is gone. I told my son to block him after he showed me a text rant that he got soon after we got home. I have blocked him as well.

Both these cases I know that I am doing what's best for me and my kids. I cannot however, not shake the feeling that my blocks will do more harm than good. Any advice ladies?

[–]circescircusRuthless Strategist26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

Your son was a slave to your ex for years, I think this is the bigger problem. I'm not judging, but why was he ever even in the position to have to live there and be his slave for years? Your son probably has a lot of resentment and even trauma from that.

It sounds like you haven't been defending yourself or your children from this terrible man, for years, even into your son's adult years. It's time to protect yourself and protect your children.

The sinking feeling you get in your stomach after blocking, is not bad. It's the hard truth that you haven't accepted for years. I'm sorry if this sounds judgmental, I am not judging you. I just can't see how blocking your piece of shit ex feels worse than your son being exploited by him for years. And in his precious, young adulthood, when he should be starting his own life. How did he treat your son when he was younger? Maybe you and your son should both go to therapy. If you both were exposed to this man for years, there is a good chance that you both have issues with boundaries, Stockholm Syndrome type of mentality, being vulnerable to abusers because their behavior is "normal" for you. I don't understand why your son stayed for that long too. Like after a few months, he should have realized his dad was never going to do the things he said he would, that he just lied. Why would he stay in his house for years, wasting his life? Couldn't he call you and ask to move in with you, move in with a friend? Or get a job that he actually gets paid to do, find some roommates and move out?

Maybe because you are used to this man, perhaps he also exploited you for years too, that it's normal to you. But you should have really blocked him YEARS ago, defended yourself and your children from him years ago. It's not too late now. Your son is only 23, you sound strong and capable. That bad sinking feeling will go away, but your ex will never change. Keep his ass blocked forever. You got this.

[–]MommaGypsyPickmeisha™️[S] 7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I never wanted my son to live with him but, as an adult my son chose to when living with me and following my house rules was something my son no longer wanted to do.

My son had no real relationship with his father prior and had only Met him at the age of 15 so, at 18 when he wanted to be a stubborn stupid kid in an adult body, he left home. As far as seeing how things really were for him, I didn't get a chance to see it because I wasn't able to even Contact my son unless thru his father until I bought and started paying for a cell phone so I didn't have to go thru his dad. (His Dad took all his belongings away as soon as he moved in "to teach him how to be a man and earn his own shit") Once I was able to communicate with my son regularly I saw what was going on and repeatedly tried to get him to leave, to get a paying job, find a roommate etc... It never worked because my Son chose to stay. In his own words "I never got to have a Dad as a kid so I'm allowing this. Stay out of it mom!" I found out recently that the last reason he never tried to come back to me was that his father was holding a motorcycle My Dad bought for him as ransom basically. He told my son he'd destroy it if he "even thought about moving back home under his momma skirts like a little bitch boy."

I am in therapy. Yes I had issues with holding up my boundaries with my exes. I don't anymore With Lots of Work. Fixing a lifelong behavior from abuse as a child and adult takes time. The kids been home for 2 months. Has a Job, a savings account with enough to buy a car already and is enrolled to start school in a week. Today's event was him finally allowing us to get his stuff back.

[–]circescircusRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sorry to hear that. I have a cousin who went through something similar. His parents (my aunt and his dad) got married young, divorced when he was a toddler, his dad saw him a handful of times in the span of over 10 years. My cousin felt some type of way about it, was very stubborn and stupid, craved a relationship with his dad. So as a young teen, he moved several states away to live with his dad. He came back with stories of abuse, beatings, etc. After that, he slowly started to accept the reality of who is father is. He's in his mid-20s now and is doing great.

I'm glad that your son is doing great now!

Please don't ever feel bad for blocking that POS. I hope your son stays the fuck away from him too. It sounds like your ex will try to derail whatever progress your son makes, if he has the chance.

My cousin disowned his dad, he always says he aspires to be a great husband and father, because his own dad wasn't and he and his mom suffered so much because of it. He is very empathetic, self-aware, responsible, smart. Total opposite of his dad.

Title	Am I alone with this feeling?
Author	MommaGypsy
Upvotes	21
Comments	4
Date	May 11, 2020 5:18 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ghhf7p/am_i_alone_with_this_feeling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-alone-with-this-feeling.676473 https://theredarchive.com/post/676473

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