The thought popped into my head last night that red pills are a maintenance medication and rampant gynocentrism is the chronic condition. I have been single since the end of February 2015, and have been in monk mode for more than a year.

TL;DR I was a blue-pilled beta, made into a cuck. Then I found the red pill, and it has taken a hell of a long time to fully go my own way.

My ex wife was a serial adulteress. It took me a long time to realize that this was more of a reflection on her than myself. Going MGTOW has allowed me to let go of much of the animosity towards her personally, and just accept her gynocentric female nature. Since I have two sons with her, it has made for a reasonable co-parenting arrangement. I'll call this woman Sally.

Sally met Chad at work, and they did things as Chad almost always does. When I first discovered Chad existed, it was about a year after our first son was born. Chad was definitely into Sally shortly after she was cleared to resume intimacy. This was devastating to me, and I spent some time considering a very short conversation with Mr. 9mm. Much therapy would be had and in my blue pill ways, I had arrived at a place of total forgiveness and life went on happily.

When my second son was in the oven, Chad and Sally met up again. My discovery was quite accidental because her coworker answered an email I sent to Sally. Due in part to Find my friends, I was able to determine that Sally was indeed at a hotel close to the house. I made a rather expeditious trip to the hotel, and Chad was indeed checked in. Sally was confronted and the look of surprise was priceless. Fortunately for her, the innocence of the unborn is what kept her alive that day.

In addition to couples therapy this time around, I arranged for my own shrink who would I more or less hired to keep my head on straight as the first year of my second son's life began to take hold.

Fast forward towards the summer and fall of 2013. Sally wanted to open up the relationship and suggested that I should get a girlfriend. This was an awkward experience for me because my deep blue pilling kept me from seeing women as purely sexual objects. This proclamation was used as a setup, because a few months later ... you guessed it: she got back together with Chad. You know, because if I could have a girlfriend, she could have a boyfriend. Since she had been caught previously, she used the opportunity to be completely open about Chad. I had gone from a beta to a true cuckold. Sally was counting on my continued social awkwardness to not meet anyone while she got back on the carousel.

Fortunately, Chad was a traveler and neither his schedule nor Sally's would line up for a time. In was this time around 4 years ago where I met Dawn, who only lived a few towns over. Dawn was a bit of a quirky woman, and we seemed to take a liking to each other.

Also at this time, I was developing a crush on a volunteer at an event I was working with at the time. Due to the openness prompted by Sally, I was open about said crush. This was swiftly shot down as my emotions were dragged behind the proverbial barn and given both barrels.

Between being a beta cuck, getting two shots in the chest, and figuring out what Dawn meant to me ... I had a nervous breakdown. After a lovely visit with my tough-love therapist, my action plan became clear. Dawn and I had to keep in the friend zone, and I had to go ahead and get divorced because it was clear that Chad was never going to go away and that I'd never get far enough away from his shadow.

I don't remember how I said it exactly, but the conversation with my ex wife went something like this: "This arrangement is working for you, but it isn't working for me. I want am 90% certain that I want a divorce." I desperately wanted the 10% to prove me wrong, but it took no more than a few days before it was made clear to me that the arrangement worked for her, and I'd be lucky to have sex once a month going forward, even if I managed to get fully in shape and compete w/ Chad. No point in staying married then.

Once I was no longer sleeping upstairs, I discovered MGTOW. It was the rush of video content from Sandman, Stardusk, Marcus (Metaphysics), TFM, and others that I began to realize I was not alone and began my awakening to female nature. While I was growing in my awareness, I drifted away from blue pill into purple pill territory.

Fortunately, the bridge between my wife and I was burned through so thoroughly that there has never been an inkling of ever wanting to go back ... in case anyone was wondering. (Funny side story ... the ex declared "I bet you haven't even filed!" Briefly, she was Facebook famous.)

Through the divorce process, Dawn and I hung out frequently and were often mistaken as a couple. The understanding at the time was that I wanted to get through the divorce by continuing to honor the vow I made when I got married. We would re-evaluate things after the divorce went through. After having been through such crap, I was not going to sell out my honor at the final stretch.

As I continued my red pill therapy, I started noticing the red flags that Dawn was throwing up. The sketchy nature of the ex husband. The oddities of the ex boyfriend and his teenage son. The little things that just didn't add up. The odd reactions that some of her friends would share to photographs of us in social media. The lack of desire to commit to any kind of label. The idea that I was not ready for anything yet (which was actually true, but I didn't believe it at the time). The sort of dismissiveness that an orbiter could expect to receive.

We hooked up after a rather loud, crazy, drunken party and were more or less a couple at that point. She seemed to be a happy camper. However, she didn't want it to be Facebook official or anything. Getting time to hang out after that became more difficult. I wasn't pleased, and after a minor argument about weekend plans, she said something to the effect of "Well, I guess this isn't going to work out." My new-found backbone, however, was still in place, so we abruptly parted ways and didn't talk for a year and a half.

After nearly two years, we met up again since her daughter asked my son on a play date. Admittedly, I have a soft spot for children so the whole of us got together so the kids could play and we could talk. It was awkward. There was enough blue pill left in the system to like her in the more-than-friends way, but a shitload of red pill which kept looking for the odd signals.

Ultimately, Dawn did me a favor and did not respond to any emails or texts since the end of April. I was more bothered by being ignored more than anything else. But, I reached the current state of closure with it when I threw out a card I had meant to send her over the summer. This was only a few weeks ago.

I could not have reached this state without the constant flow of reminders, news articles, and other commentary on female nature. I will need to keep taking red pills for the rest of my life, I expect because the societal and biological drives are still there. MGTOW is a gynocentric antibiotic: you don't stop taking the pills as soon as you feel better. You see through the whole course of treatment.

Thanks for reading!