My first girlfriend

Hey, so this is the first post I'm ever doing on reddit and I've never really talked about this kind of thing with anyone except inside my friend group. This is something I need to get off my chest so I thought this would be the best way to do it, by telling a bunch of strangers about something that's happened in the past that's haunting me.

So my freshman year of high school, I met this girl who I immediately fell in love with. I never had that sort of feeling for anyone before so I fell hard and deep in love. We'll call her Jessica for now in order to keep her name from coming out. Jessica and I hit everything off and started dating. We started dating, in the time frame it is now, roughly 5 years ago.

I fell in love immediately, and we spent most of our time together. I got a job at a dog track, racing greyhounds and betting on them, and the first paycheck I ever got I spend on a promise ring for this girl, which I gave to her on our 1 year anniversary.

We had been together for 2 and a half years, and I was as in love with her as I had been since we starting dating. I thought I was going to be with her forever. This is where things started to fall apart. I know this is going to sound crazy, but we hadn't had sex until about 2 years into our relationship. It was the day after my 18th birthday. We had been struggling sexually since before that time because it seemed like she never wanted to do anything like that and I didn't wanna push it because, hey, I loved her.

I got drunk one night with my friends brother and some how, the topic came to cheating. I mentioned to him that "yeah if she ever cheated on me I would break up with her immediately." And that is when the bombshell dropped. Blah blah blah, my heart was broken, I broke up with her, she "apologized" and tried to get back with me and I said no.

So it turns out that she had LOST HER VIRGINITY to one of MY COWORKERS at the job I was at in order to by that promise ring for her at. She lost her virginity to him WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER. Then she had taken my virginity, because I thought we were going some steriotypical cute relationship thing where we lost it together. She had been cheating on me for 8 months while I was sitting here thinking I was going to marry this girl.

It was my first serious relationship and I really feel like it messed me up in the long run. I'm doing the best I can now to try and trust other people but I find myself having trust issues with everyone at this time. Fuck.