I bumped into an old friend from high school over the weekend. He was doing well, and like me, he is currently focusing on his career and hobbies, and is not tied down in a committed relationship. Reflecting on the old times, the conversation turned to another person we used to go to school with who I will refer to as ‘Billy’. My friend mentioned that he bumped into Billy recently, and had discovered how things had panned out for him since leaving high school.

Billy had always been a quiet, gentle person, with a self-sacrificing nature. He would never bully or tease anyone, and would never think of disrespecting a woman in any way. He always worked very hard at school, and got reasonably good grades. He was barely noticed by others as he was very thin and scrawny, and had low self-confidence. As far as I was aware, he had never received female attention or validation in high school. For the most part, women didn’t know he existed.

In the years after leaving high school, Billy met a woman (let’s just call her ‘Susan’), and they got married within the first few years of their relationship. The woman was very domineering and socially gregarious. They put a deposit on a house together, and had four kids. She had always wanted a big family, and had convinced Billy that he ‘wanted the same’. After Billy gave her the four kids, Susan ‘encouraged’ him to get a vasectomy – which he willingly did.

In the years following, Billy became increasingly socially isolated. He was no longer allowed out to see his friends on the weekend or during weeknights. His friends stopped calling, and he could no longer go out for bike rides, which he typically did for stress relief. Susan would shame him and erupt in anger whenever he asked if he could go out of the house for social activities or hobbies. Soon, all form of enjoyment outside their marriage disappeared for Billy. Over time, Susan took control of all their finances, and all the decision-making with regards to the raising of their children. Although the family struggled to get by, Susan would often pay for expensive holidays for her and Billy, and would react angrily if Billy tried to speak out against this as being a poor financial decision. Throughout the relationship, Susan didn’t work, and Billy worked full-time in some kind of IT technical assistance role. During the week, Susan would do her own thing at home, and in the evenings sometimes, she would visit her girlfriends for wine nights.

My friend was shocked to hear this. He said that as Billy was talking, he appeared somewhat detached and ‘zombie-like’; as if all the life had been sucked out of him. ‘I’m a shell of a man now’, he apparently said to my friend. Not knowing what to say, my friend suggested a men’s group to Billy, and also to read some common books about beta vs alpha males. I secretly wished my friend had recommended The Rational Male series to him.

Tl;dr: I discovered what happened to a passive, self-sacrificing guy I went to high school with. He got hitched up to a domineering woman, gave her four kids, and was forced to get a vasectomy. He works full-time, while she doesn’t work. She makes all the financial and parenting decisions in the marriage. They have a deposit on a house together, and she forces him to spend his money on expensive holidays for them.

\**Disclaimer: If you don’t want nightmares, please don’t read this before bed-time.......**\**