Tonight I met up with some old friends of mine at a bar. I had a great time, and one of my friends had his girlfriend and her friend there. The night was going well and at the end my friend's girlfriend told me I should get together with her friend. She joked about being a matchmaker.

I looked her friend in the eye, and said to take my number down and text me. Her friend did with a smile, and seemed to like that I was bold enough to do this in front of my buddies without flinching.

As we left she gave others a handshake and gave me a hug because now that I have her number we are beyond handshakes. She then texted me as we all parted ways, and I texted her back saying that we should meet for another drink at a nearby place. She agreed and we went there.

The vibe from then on at this second place (just the two of us) was good. I held my frame, I was making her qualify herself to me, and she was eating it up. At one point we were talking about judging people, and what our friends judge us for. She then brought up a one night stand "just as an example" of things you could get judged for. The fact that she brought it up told me it was on her mind, and that she was worried about being judged for it. I recognized this was her trying to rationalize something she was interested in, and I told her very simply I don't care what others judge about me. She thought about it for a second and agreed. It was the sort of internal agreement that said she made up her mind that she didn't care about being judged. Then the conversation turned to movies and I suggested we go watch a movie at her apartment. She said okay let's go and we went.

At this point I could have closed, but I definitely fucked it up. We went back to her place, and I could tell she was attracted to me. She saw me as an alpha personality and it was then I should have escalated. Instead, however, I let her put a movie on, and waited a half hour into the movie before trying to escalate. She responded somewhat but I could tell that the attraction spark was lost at this point. I was on the couch with her and the attraction fantasy she had was clearly gone. She was leaning into me in a typical boyfriend-girlfriend situation. Any attempts of mine to escalate at this point were unsuccessful. After the movie she said she was tired and that I should go.

In short, I went from alpha to beta in that half hour.

So what did I learn? Well, when the vibe was right, and the situation was available, there was no reason I should have stopped escalating and I should have made a move at that point. By hesitating, I killed the vibe and the attraction.

All in all, he who hesitates is lost. Don't let your fear or trepidation get the best of you.