Hello, I am 18 and just started my first year at college. I started dating my boyfriend, D, a month ago. We've known each other for three months. We had sex very quickly, and it developed into a relationship. However, I am very codependent. I can't stand not being around him for more than a day. I come to him with my emotional problems often, and he supports me. I had a scare where I thought he was cheating on me. He was talking to this girl, S. S was accused of raping another girl at my campus. D was talking to S since he came on campus. S was kicked off of campus for this rape incident. D has been talking to S. I saw a letter S sent her lawyer that was forwarded to D, it said that D said he loved S. I got really upset and had a conversation with D, D told me S exaggerates things. I trust D, he promised me he would not cheat. It was D who decided we should be in a closed relationship. He calmed me down, and we had sex.

I am generally depressed. I have been depressed since I was 12. I was hypergamous since I was 14, I've slept with 8 men in my life. I was groomed by a pedophile beginning when I was 14 and sexually assaulted when I was 16. My whole life is generally fucked up, I have a big list of mental disorders: Aspergers, Depression, Anxiety, PTSD. I am very paranoid, angry, jealous, and fearful towards men in general.

When I'm with D, I feel sane again. I feel more fulfilled. Then, after he leaves, I get lonely quickly. I really don't want to break up with him, I don't feel like I have enough proof he's cheating.

I want to change my life so I'm more independent and happier. I want to cultivate a long term relationship with D. What advice is there that RPW can give for dealing with these issues? Thank you.