So it's me again....i've been posting alot here trying to find answers and fix myself. I stopped talking to that girl i had oneitis for , i started lifting , i started hanging out with guys, had like 2-3 girls ( it's not alot to develop abundence mentality but helped a bit ), thought i was on the right way to fixing myself.

Out of nowhere after 2 months of not a single text or phone call or even seeing each other ( we were speaking daily ) this girl contacts me and starts asking questions ( why this why that ) and started looking for validation again ( saying things like i hate how i look in the summer , or that she's fat and ugly or stuff like that ), i held frame and just joked around telling her to look for uglier girls than her to hang out with at the beach so she looks better.

We keep talking and she calls me at 3am in the morning while i was drunk and we talk for a while and i suddenly find a sudden urge to tell her i missed her, and then all the other questions start being thrown at me ( like i never asked her how she is or initiated contact in 2 months and crap like that ). Luckily i just took an MDMA and the shit started kicking in right when she started asking me the questions so i told her i had to go cause i was feeling a little dizzy.

I start partying , dancing , i had one hb7 red haired chick all over me, everything was good. After the the pill's peak, i was so light headed and happy and blissfull, so i check my phone and i see some texts telling me to be careful and that we'll talk tomorrow and to not do anything bad or she'll get angry. Everythin went downhill after the peak and reading those texts and all i can think about was her, and i was really happy....i started imagining retarded stuff with her again , fucking beta halucinations of being together with her and all that crap while watching the sunrise with that other girl.

The thing is i can't ever be with this girl, my SMV is way too low atm and she has a boyfriend that i think she loves for about 2 years , but she seems so happy everytime we talk.

Am i back to square 1 again? What's wrong with me? What do u guys propose i do? I mean if taking half a fucking pill will make me have mad oneitis for her again i'll get off that shit forever ( even though that mindfull DGAF attitude it gives me during the peak is the best thing that ever happened to me in a while, was the first time i took it).

Any thoughts? Sorry if it's just another beta faggot story, i'm really trying hard here to fix myself.