I'll try to keep this short as I can. I'm at a point in my life where I could use some help.

I'm 32 and I quit drinking when I was 19. Reason being is a waitress I worked with at a Country Club was killed by a drunk driver.

I worked as the Caddie Master at the time and pretty much ignored all of the waitresses at the time. The one that was killed was a 10, think of Katherine Heigl with an athletic body and way hotter.

About a month before she died, she came out and wanted to play golf with me on a day the club was closed (employees can play on days off). This was the first time in over a year that I had actually talked to her. We hooked up that night.

After the accident I found out that she was pregnant and had a fiance.

I don't use this as a crutch to feel sorry for myself, I use it to motivate myself to become better each and every day.

What's becoming an increasing problem is when I try to meet someone new to date. When I don't give them a reason why I don't drink they get suspicious. I've only told one girl why and it was the last one I tried dating. She got freaked out in the long run of things.

Am I ever going to be able to get in a relationship with someone? There are emotionally healthy women out there, but I feel no one is ever feel comfortable with what happened in the past and the decisions I've made because of it.