So my coworker oneitis, who is also into me but is in an LTR, came round to my empty apartment again today. Again we spent an hour talking but this time I verbally escalated far more than yesterday.

Because it was daytime, we were both sober and we're both in relationships, there was never a moment that felt right to just pin her against the wall and kiss her. So instead I did what I always fucking do. Told her that I want her. Like a beta fucking bitch.

She even said to me: "you talk about your feelings more than most men" - that made me want to vomit.

But I just can't make it physical. This girl is prepared to be alone with me in my empty apartment for 2 days running, she is getting off on the fact I'm obsessed with her but she's also into me in a big way.

I'm so deflated right now I don't know what to do. Had I gone in for the kiss today she would have rejected me as her guilt is sky high, but at the same time I'm left wondering if maybe that's what she wants - does she want me to be a fucking man and just recklessly go in for the kiss.

We left on ok terms but yet again I've vomited my feelings all over this girl when it should have been my spunk instead.

Imagine feeling as low as possible, then go much much lower, and that's how I feel right now.