Had an LTR of about 3 years with my occasional stints in rehab sprinkled throughout this time. Mind you she's always been very supportive and there for me and was loyal until I went to a long term rehab in which I didn't contact her at all for 7 months. Since then she's hooked up with different men and dated them as well. On my visits home we would hook up and I would give her hope. Now I realize a lot of it was a dependency, but I still consider her a good friend. I broke up with her last November (technically) although one could argue we haven't really been together for a while anyway. Always told her if she cheated on me I'd ignore her indefinitely but I shoot her some comprehension based on the circumstances. I'm back home and out of the rehab and have seen her few times but I'm not attracted to her I think it was the drugs. Last time I saw her she even smelled and was sweaty. She has an overbite physically I could do way better but I don't want to be shallow she has a really unique personality and great taste in art and music.

I haven't been with any other girl sexually since her and I've always wanted to even while with her. Now she says she's down to set up a 3 sum with some girl from her job. But she triggers me I think going back with her is a terrible idea and even hanging out too much. She's dating some other guy now seriously but still says she's in love with me and would probably get back with me but deep down I just want to keep her on the side but without fucking anyone else. Starting last night I decided to cut her off and ghost her to prevent anymore suffering on my end. She seems to have moved on and now I need to as well. She's sent me a few texts first "yooo why are you so bitter?" Then "I'm sorry for anything I did." Her desperation fills me up, I'm winning right now in not replying. But she worries about me cause of my past with depression and addiction so I feel bad. Also want to talk to her on a friendly tip about tomorrows solar eclipse she knows a lot about astrology. Typing this all out makes me kind of answer my own question and feel super beta and cucky but any feedback is welcome. I know its a bit all over the place but if I truly detailed it would too long as it probably is already. Fear of loneliness has made me drag this out way longer than it should have I envy men that can just cut a girl off they've dated for a while and keep moving forward. Should I tell her I need space or just continue ignoring I feel bad cause she's such a nice girl but when I think about her sleeping with another dude and using me as a plate I get pissed. Or should I keep her as a plate and detach emotionally more so?

P.S. She was even considerate enough to say "I still have a huge crush on you but I have to also live my life." Again I decided to cut things off but I guess I haven't been able to fully pull the plug. With this fantasy that we can still have a friendship right after the breakup. Yet I got obsessed recently knowing she was going on a trip with this guy and even investigating about it So I unfollowed her on instagram and have been ignoring since last night.