I've come to the realization that I seek validation from sleeping with women to the point where it is detrimental to me. If I lay a new girl I instantly feel really good about myself because it validates the activities that I do to improve myself (reading, lifting, working hard). If I go out and don't get a lay, or just have negative interactions with women (too many rejections), I have low self-worth and then proceed to hit up one of my old plates so that I can fuck her to feel better about myself and then it goes away.

Another issue I have is that I judge others, especially other men, too much. I analyze their behavior and deem it either alpha or beta, and then in turn hold myself to the same standard. In judging others harshly, I in turn judge myself harshly, leading to insecurity and low self-worth. This leads me to want to sleep with other women to get my self-worth back and the cycle just continues.

I just got out of a relationship and am looking for things I want to change about myself to become a better person. If I'm ever going to get over my ex, I need to deal with these issues so that I can truly self-improve. Sleeping with 10 other women will help me get over her, but that's just going to feed my problem. I'd rather take the time to learn something from this and then bed 10 girls. I've slept with 4 girls since our breakup 2 weeks ago, and it has not helped.

Many of my friends and some of my old plates have said that I am the most confident guy they know. I can be really confident and am always the one approaching new people and making jokes. My issue is I want this to come from within and not from sleeping with women.

Are there are books you guys recommend or any advice you can give me about generating value/confidence from within and just being secure with yourself and not judging other people? I want to be self-sufficient and feel adequate, especially because I want to try a LTR again sometime in the future.