I was feeling good. At whisky barrel with the co workers, I got a text from Kristina. It was 12 at this point, and a text at this time crunch only mean one thing...a good fuck session soon.

I stayed at the venue for my co-workers Clark's birthday until 12:30 ish, and then left to Kristina's house. I arrived and waited at the front door. I told her via text that I was at her door waiting. No one answered the door until I heard Kristina behind me. Goddamn she was looking fine. Hair curled, yoga pants on, saggy sweatshirt.

We went to the back and started drinking and smoking. There weren't many lulls in the conversation, but I would constantly try to guage her "openness"with touched of our legs our other contact. This had mixed results. I was spending too much time gauging her reactions to my actions, and this results in me not being assertive. I didn't EVER convey my wants our desires to make our with get right then and there outside on her patio.

We chatted more and I was getting really cold. I asked to move inside where we went to her living room. We both sat on the couch together, but I was too chicken to put my arm sound her. Maybe it was because I was afraid, once again, of her reaction to my action, but I sat there in fucking wimpness...not doing acting.

I then got up to leave. The whole time she was WAITING for me to make a move. The only negatives I was receiving were that she was tired...and had stuff to do tomorrow. I took these things that she would do harshly...and they caused me even more stress and self doubt.

I then have get a hug like a chump and left.

Later, I came up with some hairbrained attempt to get a kiss by saying I left my keys somewhere...I then went back to her house and she let me in. I pretended to look for my keys (which weren't ever missing...). I couldn't find them, but when I went to grab get around the waist, she shuddered away away from me. This I took as the ultimate sign. Not that it wasn't with reason...I competent was a chump in every interaction with her.

I look good, she complemented me on my dressing, but I still couldn't pull the trigger. It's almost like I was looking for ANY reason not to be arrive and take the gun'............