Background:

As this is my first field report, I’ll describe quickly where I come from. I discovered this sub 6 months ago, while browsing Reddit in order to keep my mind off the first girl that took some interest in me in over one year, and losing her. 21 years old, never had a girlfriend, virgin, had 2 dates in my life and failed them. Reading the stuff here made me realize how I was wasting my time, going nowhere, having no passion in life or anything. Years of procrastinating had lead me to stopped going to classes, spend my days playing online games, drinking a healthy mix of coffee, energy drinks, alcohol, and smoking tons of cigarettes. Wondering where my teenage boner had disappeared, I decided to follow the Seddit path and letting go of the past. Games was replaced with studying and educate myself, alcohol with water, cigarettes with chewing gum, masturbation with a workout session. I started improving my social life, getting back in touch with some friends, going to social events during the week, and out in the weekend. I took every chance I got to face social pressure, peeing right next to the guy into the urinals (hard one), taking a speech in front of the class, and going out alone if my friends preferred to play call of duty. I began hitting on girls, at bars, nightclubs, in shops, and asking them out. I’ve had some little successes, get rejected and flaked a lot, and practiced irregularly. I could be far better, but I’m more confident than I have ever been, look good, didn’t spend any Saturday night at home in 6 months and wake up every morning with shits to do. So thank you for that.

Context:

In the goal of self-development, I decided it was time to travel the world and gain a little perspective. I found an internship in America, which I fascinated me since I was a little boy, and got through months of stupid paperwork to get there. So here I come, arriving from France, spending the summer on the other side of the Atlantic.

First approach:

I’ve been here since two weeks, having a hard time getting acclimated to the country and making friends. On this sunny Saturday afternoon, I was walking around the city, looking for things to do or discover. I came across a little festival. There is children playing, little concerts making nice sounds in the background, people enjoying some ice cream. The atmosphere made me feel really good and it was time to do the first approach I haven’t had the balls to do since I came to the city. I noticed this gorgeous girl, eating something that looks like Indian food on the sidewalk. It was so sexy. She is alone, no headphones, no phone calls, I’m feeling good, I got no excuses. So I go up to her and drop something along the lines of

“This may be weird but I was walking around and I saw you, you look charming and I wanted to say Hi”

to which I got the

“Thanks but I got a boyfriend.”

Whatever, I learned than talking to people is always a good experience so I go on and introduce myself, we shake hands and I ask her how she got here, in this nice festival. I sit down close to her, continue the conversation, and she says quickly “Actually, I lied to you, I don’t have a boyfriend, sorry for this”. I tell her that I understand but tease her a little about that. We carry on, learning about each other. She comes from California, is in Boston for a summer job and get some inspiration for her art work. She’s here since two weeks as well, had been mostly exploring the city alone, and got into the habitude of saying “I have a boyfriend” to get rid of man talking to her. I mention my dream of going finally to New York, she would really like to go as well. She is smart, interesting, and truthful. We get along well so I suggest she comes with me to the museum on Wednesday night as I saw it was free. She insist that she really wants to go, and put her name and number in my phone. We walked around the streets for a little more than an hour as we hugged goodbye.

Approaching goes well most of the time and feels so good, and yet I’m often such a fucking pussy about it. Just do it©.

Date:

We texted a little bit, not too much, agree on time and place to meet. I live in a shitty cheap room with another guy so I don’t feel like bringing her there. I was planning on trying to f-close on the second date anyway, since it is my biggest struggle. We meet at a subway station, little kiss on the cheek, European style, and walk to the museum. I speak freely about whatever I feel like talking about, she shares some stories about her as well, staying in light conversation. In the museum we visit the American and European art, comparing our two continents and cultures. Making conversation as a foreigner is pretty easy, so much topic to explore. I do some light kino, hands on her arms, lower back. She doesn’t react at all but I don’t lose my frame. I suggest to get some drinks, she agrees, and go to the subway station. We miss the train for some seconds, so we find a little spot on the grass, sit down and I initiate her to meditation (she told me she never experienced it). As she has her eyes closed and I talk with a deep and calm voice, I touch her on her hands and knees. She likes it, we take the train, find a bar, we sit next to each other, and order drinks. Here we get a little deeper, I open myself and she reciprocate. She sticks her legs onto mines and I got one hand on her thigh, the other on her shoulder. The timing and situation feels right, so I go in for the kiss. She backs off, saying that she doesn’t know me yet. I laugh it off and change the subject. We pay and head out. We walk in direction of the subway station that would get her back home. We sit on a bench on a nice plaza. I talk about this Old Italian gay guy who approached me two days ago as I was reading on the bench right next to this one. I got the conversation more on a sexual topic. She confess she is only attracted to men, but still has kissed some girl. Me too, was okay, would recommend. At this point we are so close that I do a second attempt at kissing, success. She say that she’s really happy I approached her 5 days ago. We had a good night, it’s late, work in the morning, and far from home. We kissed goodbye, after agreeing to meet up again Sunday night. And I go back home, with a raging boner, my most honest compliment.

Aftermath:

I texted her 2 days after, to set up the logistics of second date. She said that she is too busy Sunday and Tuesday would be better. I know that she doesn’t work on Wednesday so we planned for Tuesday. I texted her last evening saying to meet me there at this time. She respond today late morning something along the lines of

“I woke up sick, caught a cold yesterday, I’m not feeling better, I can’t do tonight, sorry”.

Cold, no suggestion of another time. So I interpret this as a loss of interest. The iron seems cold.

I haven’t respond yet, and everything I can think of seems too tryhard and fake. I could spend hours reviewing the whole thing, seeing how I didn’t follow perfectly the rules #23, 37, and 1345 of the PUA’s manual. But I prefer not to be too hard on myself, and writing this was helpful to get it out of mind. The progress I made in all area of my life since 6 months makes me feel confident. It is also such a little time to recover from a decade of inaction. Next time I’ll do better.

Tomorrow, I’ll be back on the streets. I hope you do as well gentlemen.