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Not feeling the spark

Tibble_Buns · 2015-11-22T21:15:36+00:00

So I've been going out talking to girls getting numbers and hanging out with girls for awhile now, and I'm constantly hitting the same problem:...

Tibble_Buns

November 22, 2015

3 upvotes

/r/seduction

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Post Information

Title	Not feeling the spark
Author	Tibble_Buns
Upvotes	3
Comments	6
Date	November 22, 2015 9:15 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3tuvmf/not_feeling_the_spark/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-feeling-the-spark.1398013 https://theredarchive.com/post/1398013

Comments

[–]HotHamAndFrisco 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Tibble_Buns[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]HotHamAndFrisco 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Seems more mental than physiological to me. As a precaution I would start jerking off again just to see if it makes a difference. Worth a shot, if not you can just stop.

Other than that I can only think of two things it might be. 1.) You are too in your head and logical to even get a boner. This is because you are thinking too much about game and not about the situation. My advice for this would be to put all your focus on the things you find attractive in the girl. Be present and all that good shit. When you are escalating the only thing in your head should be “I’m about to fuck this girl and it’s gonna feel so good.” Or “I’m kissing this girl right now and her skin is so soft. “She kisses my neck it feels so good.” “Holy shit, my dick is in her mouth right now.”

Basically put all of your sensory focus on her, but view escalating as strictly for your pleasure. Escalate because you fucking want to escalate. And when you fuck, or kiss even. Don’t do it because the girl might like it. Do it because you fucking like it. Hopefully this will help.

Basically don’t worry if the girl will like it at all. She will.

2.) It could be some deep rooted entitlement issue. Maybe you don’t think you really deserve these girls. This sounds bad, but I went through some similar issues. Where I came from so low down and came up so quickly that I didn’t feel like I deserved the quality of girl I was getting. I still thought I was a loser and despite logically understanding entitlement. I had yet to internalize it. And basically I found myself in a situation where I would escalate till the point of sex, but then couldn’t get it up. Two things helped me here. 1.) lowering the quality of girl I would pursue. This sounds strange and counterintuitive, but it takes a lot of the pressure off. And I got boners no problem. From there I simply worked my entitlement up. From fucking an increasing quality of girl. 2.) See if you can skip that entire entitlement barrier shit by being present like I described in the previous section.

I typed this out in a rush. If you need me to expand upon anything just let me know.

[–]Tibble_Buns[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I have tried jerking off for awhile again too after seeing the video of James Marshall talking about practicing for actual sex, but I found myself becoming more anxious and lethargic after while and stopped.

I like your 2 suggestions, and I'm reflecting on both of them now. A small problem I have about the first one is getting off focus and completely not listening to her. Sometimes, I have just broke off what she's said and will just say something like "my god, the color of your eyes are just driving me crazy right now" usually with good reception. But, I also want to get to know what she's about instead of total focus on her physical traits. Perhaps, though, I want to just add a little more sensual focus.

I also think that it is an entitlement issue, but I don't want to lower the quality of girls I interact with. I find myself in a paradoxical state of self-esteem a lot: I feel like both a loser and winner, a loser just because I don't get along with most "cool" people, most of them just shit on people to make themselves look "cool", thus why I put it in quotes; and I feel like a winner because I'm constantly bettering myself and hopefully others around me while pursuing the things I love. So, in all honesty, I feel like the winner in a crowd of losers. I don't necessarily think it logically to be true, but I feel that way, which then conversely makes me feel like a loser because of the sheer amount of loneliness I feel in my ambitions. So a girl could be drop dead gorgeous, but then if she has no personality, no hobbies, nothing to make the interaction fun for me outside of sex, to me it completely kills the mood.

Now that I think of it, it's not really how beautiful a women is that scares me. I think its more of the lifestyle I associate with beautiful girls that scares me. Most of the time I can't imagine myself going out with girls because I'm afraid of getting bored, and for a long time it was the same reason I wasn't approaching girls too.

When I think of the lifestyle of getting laid all the time, I think of going to clubs, bars, staying out late until 3 in the morning, completely disregarding any of my duties outside of being with girls and socializing. I've talked with a lot of those types of groups and usually I hear the same conversations about school, work, some sort of antagonizing gossip, cute pets, etc. I hate small talk more than anything and find that most people I jive with are warm people that are very touch prone, flirty/playful, adventurous, while still being able to strike up intelligent conversation.

So maybe I just typed myself into my answer: I'm still trying to find my demographic, and I want to ask myself the question, "how do I want to weave in seduction into my lifestyle?"

[–]zuckokooo2 points 10 years ago* [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Tibble_Buns[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link