{fr} night out 8/28/2016 Leaving my friends place I didn’t feel too self-conscious about the sailor hat. This was something I did to experience peacocking. For most of the night I forgot I had it unless specifically asked about it. I did realize it magnified my feeling of discomfort if I was uncomfortable and aware of it but most of the time when I was uncomfortable I forgot about it and how it made me look. Interestingly while I occasionally got puzzled looks most people didn’t really seem to notice I had it on. The fact that I could peacock and not be nervous or different was strength of the night. On train I was getting pep talks from my friend, I was somewhat distracted by a pretty tall skinny girl sitting near us, but didn’t do anything to approach her. When the train entered the station I started making eye contact with every girl I found cute (I forgot to do this shortly after). Some girls would maintain the gaze others would deliberately look away but not reacted in a fashion any more aggressive than that. After transferring to the subway we got out and went for food. At the Pizza joint I noticed the pretty women in the place and walking by. While there that was probably the place I was most self-conscious of the hat. I focused mostly on eating. My body language was a little off in the restaurant I was snuffling a lot and visibly uncomfortable about the hat. After Pizza we decided to walk to a bar dance hybrid. On the way I approached a few girls on street. When getting directions girls simply didn’t know where to go so those conversations went like this “Hi do you know how to get to **” , “Sorry I’m not sure” “no worries have a good night. While walking I approached to Asian girls sitting on a bench. When I introduced myself and asked if I could sit next to them, they just said “no” then continued talking amongst themselves. At the bar I made a few short approaches in between dancing with my friend. Approaching while dancing is something I need to work on. My technique mainly consisted of dancing enthusiastically or this early in the night more enthusiastically than in the past, then going up to a girl and opening with “hi, I’m *” This might get a brief conversation going but not much more. In one case two short haired girls were dancing with my friend but a shyer friend of theirs was just watching so introduced myself (the usual hi I’m _**) then tried to encouraged her to dance by actually dancing and beckoning her toward me. She laughed and politely shook her head. Later my friend was able to get her dance (albeit briefly) with a similar tactic. Likely he displayed more confidence and it was more obvious he was having fun.

Later, still in the same room I went up to a pretty girl (some people might say a perfect 10). I just made small talk like what was she doing there. At first she seemed disinterested (almost making an exasperated look) but then I could see in her facial expression that she was seeing an opportunity and she invited me to join her friend’s birthday party. It was obvious the pretty girl wasn’t interested in me romantically so when she introduced me to the birthday girl I focused more on the birthday girl. She introduced me to her friends as a sailor and when I joked they shouldn’t trust me in a boat that went well for both the girls and one guy in the group. After that though I got uncomfortable though as things shifted away from me. The birthday girl was more focused on her friends and I kept tapping her to say something to her. I probably should have just been chill and amused by what her friends were doing. My friend dragged me away and told me not to go back to them until had value which I agreed with. We left that section of the bar shortly after. We went upstairs in the bar I was a little shaken up so I had trouble making more approaches I took way to long with each approach so none went further than Hi, I’m . Walking to another at first made a few approaches just hi I’mafter getting bad results I was unwilling to make approaches till an Asian girl much later in the night. My friend was encouraging me to approach a girl in front of us but I noticed we also had the Asian girl to the rear. I turned around and said hey I’m ***. She seemed visibly nervous so I apologized and explicitly we aren’t a threat or anything before letting her walk away

While we waited in line, my friend suggested I talk to people to get my energy/confidence back up. I turned around to 2 girls and a guy asking them where they were from without introducing myself. When I didn’t recognize my the place they seemed a bit disdainful so I turned away. When we got inside the place we first went to the back to dance. I was more comfortable dancing then in the past though mainly when my friend was there. I ran into a bachelorette party introducing myself to one of the girls. After the usual hi I’m matt I pointed at this scarf she was wearing and asked what the occasion was for the lights on the scarf. The girl replied but didn’t seem that interested. I was interested in one of the other girls who was dancing near me but didn’t approach I’ll do better next time. The girls wanted to go up on stage I tried to egg them into doing into it maybe a little too incessantly. I ended up pretty much tapping them on the shoulders and saying “you guys should go up there a little too repetitively. One girl said “you’re done” so I walked away. My friend then said I was on my own for a bit. I went up to a couple girls in the front one conversation didn’t go well so I walked away. One of the guys behind them suggested I might have better luck on the dancefloor. I thanked him with a fist bump before walking away. I then went back to the dancefloor and tried dancing by myself. For a minute or so I was into it but feeling self-conscious I moved to the edge of the dancefloor. I saw a guy by himself so I introduced myself. He was a corrections officer. We talked a bit about what we did why he was here and then I gave him a friendly shake, tried dancing a little more then walked out of the dance portion of the bar. We went to a hybrid indoor outdoor place that was rather quiet maybe 20 people in the whole place. After walking around the place a bit my friend went to get a drink. I approached a girl who was dancing with a small group. I opened with the usual Hi I’m ***. She responded favorably so I asked her what she did, she answered she was an aspiring actor and singer. I said “wow I respect that”. I then asked if she wanted to dance and she said yes though we really mostly danced near each other not together. I said I had to go and asked her for my number and she gave me a business card so I think it was more promotional than anything I approached a group of girls with my two friends yelling “hey what’s up” and other nonsense loudly. This approach just got weird looks but lead to more success later. My body language was actually confident at the beginning of this loud approach but as it was clear they weren’t interested I became quieter and less expressive with my arms.

I briefly lead an approach toward three girls at the bar with the usual hi I’m ***. They also just kind of gave weird looks. One of my friends stayed in a little longer without better results. One thing I noticed here and in other approaches is I have an involuntary jitter in my lips sometimes when I smile. I think this will be fixed with more approaches. The final approach at the bar we decided to duplicate our tactic of yelling he what’s up toward a mix of guys and girls. At first this also went poorly but of the group a guy and girlfriend walked away saying to their remaining friends that we seemed cool. There was a shorter girl dancing with a guy dressed as a farmer. I couldn’t tell if they were boyfriend/girlfriend so I talked to both of them they asked why I was dressed as a sailor I asked why he was dressed as a farmer and had a good laugh about it.

I then turned to a tall very drunk girl. I was concerned about her so I asked if I could get water and made a joke about it saying sorry for being so motherly. She laughed it off. My friend then stepped in at first I stayed in the conversation but then I stepped back seeing they were getting somewhere. I watched from a distance at the direction of my other friend. He shook the girls had so that there handshake was the only gap between each other and when he talked made sure to keep eye contact. By the end he got her number and I think a kiss (I can’t remember). In any case a good lesson for me.

We walked to one last bar. There in the dance floor in back I was dancing by myself and my friends when I girl walked up to me asking if she could put on my hat. I said sure, gave her that hat and introduced myself. I then said she looked way better in it then I did which got a good laugh. She then walked me over to her friends who were dancing in a circle. She introduced me to a friend she said was the birthday girl and gave my hat to her. The birthday girl then started dancing right in the middle of the circle and people followed after. While watching I talked with her little more just small talk: where you are from ECT. I then got the hat back a little awkwardly I should have been more chill and just waited till the birthday girl was ready to hand it back but one of the birthday girl’s friends handed it back. My friends and I stepped out of the dance room to take a water break. While there a guy complemented my hat I shook his hand and thanked him. The night ended with us dancing mostly with guys. I did step out from the dancefloor to ask the friend of the birthday girl who asked my hat if she wanted to dance. She said she didn’t dance but seemed friendly. In future situations like that I’ll try asking for a number. We left the bar with my two friends approaching girls on the sidewalk a bit. I just tagged along.

Good: • Had fun dancing with my friend struggled by myself. • Approached pretty girls with same level of confidence as less pretty girls. • Meditating as needed to get myself back into shape when I was thrown off at some bars and also before going out. • Mostly being unselfconsciousness and amused while peacocking with the sailor hat.

Bad • More touching/reducing the physical distance between myself and girls I talked to. • I had a distracting phone holder thought maybe its ok. • Need to talk about more than where people live what they do for work and what they enjoy. • More comfort with approaching girls on the street. • Anytime I got bumped on the dancefloor I flinched. I sometimes have issues with accidental touching.
• My Body language often betrayed a lack of self-confidence. E.g. a nervous tick while smiling and closed body posture.

Things to do better next time • Work on my approaches on the dancefloor. • Start approaching on the street. • Don’t apologize if a girl looks nervous when I approach on the street. • Get comfortable dancing by myself. This seems to be the main way to get girls interested on the dancefloor.