Female Mid-Life Crisis Is A Myth

I talked yesterday about the male version “mid-life crisis” actually being a “partner not so fertile crisis”, today we’ll hit on the female version. Naturally because men can continue to impregnate a woman for their entire lifespan barring medical difficulties, the female “mid-life crisis” is actually a crisis related to the end of her own fertility, but his age does play a role.

Both the husband and the wife can have these events happen in a perfect storm of both happening together, but I think for the most part one side of the relationship happens stronger than the other. I suspect it’s usually the partner with the higher Sex Rank that gets the pleasure of struggling through this and inflicting it on the other partner. Once the partner with the higher Sex Rank starts having their little psychodrama the lower ranked partner usually focuses on maintaining themselves in the relationship.

Also this isn’t a menopause thing – that happens late 40s to early 50s, what I’m talking about happens earlier, when the wife is mid 30s to early 40s. As far as your Body Agenda cares female fertility is all but gone by mid 30s, menopause is in many ways just a statement of how well the modern food supply and medical care keeps us alive so long. For the majority of human history 99% of women wouldn’t have reached menopause anyway. I don’t mean to make menopause seem trivial to live through, just underlining that it isn’t what I’m talking about.

What happens to a wife having her fertility crisis, is basically the same thing a single childless woman goes through in her early to mid 30s. It’s that all purpose generalized panic to find a partner to father a child with her. For a single girl it’s typically a need to get any children made, for a married woman it’s usually a need to get “one more” made before the shot clock runs down on the expiration date of her eggs. And like I said yesterday as long as there is a food supply, pretty much most women’s Body Agenda vote for having babies… even if she would on an intellectual level rather be selected for a Space Shuttle mission, complete a second doctorate or whatever awesome thing that women can do these days. Or perhaps she’d rather just not have to blow up like a zeppelin again and change diapers for another two years… just as the current crop of kids can finally get themselves to and from school and can help around the house.

As both men and women age, we become less sexually appealing on a genetic level to mate with. I’m currently 40 and have better resources, presence and sexual technique than when I was 20. Given the choice between me at 40 or me at 20 raising her kids, Jennifer is going to much prefer me at 40. However if she gets the baby making crazies a shot of semen from me at 20 is going to to sound like a much better idea to her Body Agenda than getting one from me at 40. It’s the same DNA I’d be passing on to her, just that it’s not quite so fresh (aka Alpha) as what I’d be blasting into her twenty years ago. So cue up her Rationalization Hamster to complain about the position of the toilet seat being a statement of  how I’m not committed to the marriage and am purposely seeking to offend her.  (Not that this happened or anything, I keep the toilet seat firmly down because if I don’t it makes my mother angry.)

What happens for wives having their end of fertility crisis is basically one of two possible outcomes. The first is that nothing much happens overtly because her husband has enough of an Alpha profile with emphasis on physical health and vigor that her Body Agenda votes for hubby as an acceptable mate. She just becomes a bit more sexually willing and horny with her husband. This actually is awesome for the husband and not really much of a crisis to struggle with. Thumbs up, bring it on!

The other general outcome is that if her Body Agenda decides hubby doesn’t have the best profile for getting her pregnant, then the Rationalization Hamster kicks in full force. The resulting fitness test doesn’t just happen over one day or one event like a chick in a bar asking for you to buy her a drink, it just cranks up into a endless hurricane of testing that can last years or until the dramatic conclusion of the relationship. Divorce is possible, her cheating is possible, “I need space”, “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, “what the hell is wrong with you I have told you and told you about where to put the plates and bowls in the dishwasher. The PLATES GO THERE AND THE #$%^ING BOWLS GO THERE”. Basically overly Beta husbands get their shit kicked in. God help you if you squeeze the toothpaste from the wrong end.

And again, this is all Body Agenda stuff. The wife may not want more kids for plenty of logical reasons, it’s just an internal conflict between two different impulses.

I think I’ve spelled out along the way what the husband needs to do to handle his wife having this sort of crisis. It’s really just what I’ve been saying all along on the blog. Get into physical shape, balance the Alpha and Beta stuff… and make sure you enjoy the ride.