We have been married for 10 years. Our sexual life has slowed down and became less exciting. So…. when my wife started showing an interest in a co-worker, who is married, we started fantasising about her having sex with him… It turned us on and reignited our sex life. Slowly, to keep the fantasy going, I started encouraging her to flirt more and more with him. Well… Two months ago she started having sex with him and she has developed a strong emotional bond with him. I never thought she would actually do it! It started out as a fantasy that we both enjoyed, now she is actively involved in an intense affair.
It has been two months now and there are no signs that it is going to slow down. I feel like I caused this because I started out with the fantasy… I don’t feel right about telling her to stop… On the other hand, so far our sex life has been completely renewed, she has a sexual energy that I have not seen since we first met.
Any advice? Make her stop, or let it keep going but try to keep an eye on the emotional side. So far she says she loves me and has no intention of abandoning our marriage.
The Rationalization Hamster team met this afternoon and after a long session of deliberation, it was decided that anything said in bed while having sex, ”as a hot fantasy”, about your wife having sex with other men, is either a statement of permission seeking or a statement of permission giving in reality. Any unfortunate miscommunication of these statements should be decided in favor of the wife that has surprise sex with someone else, as clear permission was reasonably presumed granted and she only did this initially to please her husband, by fulfilling his own request. Furthermore it is unreasonable to request a woman to stop a sexual relationship that has already started, based solely on the insecurity of the less sexually attractive male. Once her feelings have been engaged, she does not have direct control over them, so regardless of prior intent before the surprise sex to not have an ongoing relationship, her feelings would continue whether that relationship was allowed to continue or not. As such, the best course of action would be to allow the relationship to follow a natural arc of progression without interference, in hopes that her feelings self-resolve over time. While the team accepts that we have come to this point inadvertently and there is some concern for what may happen in the future, please accept the full assurance of the Rationalization Hamster team, that she has no serious intentions of abandoning the marriage.

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