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1millionBURNINGsuns Archive

View 0 posts and 190 comments by 1millionBURNINGsuns on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
3

It’s so brutal man. Sorry. The feelings are so messy and complicated at this stage. Anger isn’t quite right like you said and it’s all wrapped in a huge helping of fear at the core. You’ve emotionally and physically built a life around these people and plans with these people and it was all swiped away in a moment. It’s awful. Refocus truly on yourself right now. This will be a tremendous help in getting through. This may feel like being selfish at this stage and that’s ok - keep going and you’l…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/26 12:48 PM
1

This gripe laden complain-a-lota-puss attitude don’t get anyone more puss. Also this post ain’t related to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 10:31 PM
5

You don’t wait for other people to change or hope they will. This is unfair to the people you’re expecting to change and yourself. It builds a lifetime of unnecessary suffering. I’m uncomfortable with the litany of bullet points listing your disgusts about your wife which concludes with one sentence about ‘oh and she kinda nice.’ If someone ignores your feelings and desires, belittles your preferences and opinions then WHO GIVES A FUCK in theory how good of a person or how nice they are! None of…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:13 PM
7

Eat it. There is no other way. This is a classic 3 way choice: 1. Win 2. Be Right 3. Fight I want to win. You probably do too. So. Be a better dad. Laugh at her shit. Do not respond to any of it. Don’t engage. Don’t have this discussion with your kid. ‘That’s funny’ and change the subject. When you convey to him that this is 100% bs in your heart he will feel that and act accordingly. It’s real when you make them see it’s real to you. Say nice things about his mom. More than usual but not fake o…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:26 AM
4

There’s no categorically good or proper divorce or reunification. It depends. I feel that many of us feel great being divorced from a situation or behaviors by a person who has been unwilling or incapable of change. If you two are capable of change that’s amazing. Much love! It’s not necessarily an inherently better life if you stay married. Marriage is not magic healthy happiness sauce for anyone AND it can be a great starting place to build a healthy stable life. Love, and stability and peace …
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 04:15 AM
4

This one small trick 😂
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 02:13 AM
1

It’s good to go out and be in the world where other people are even if you’re not actively engaging with them. Keep being in the world and living. Doing this is cathartic. Living like this also trains us and makes us feel worthy and valued again after experiencing the trauma and pain. Whether it’s subconscious or not it feels like what we need - to be in a world of people. It feels weird for a while because we feel unworthy and unwanted and rejected. We know everyone doesn’t know we’re getting o…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:48 AM
6

It’s basic and difficult: You focus on yourself with unmatched intensity. Take time for yourself. See a therapist alone. Consider yourself more. Consider your needs and emotional health first. You are your priority. It’s not selfish. It’s not a special occasion. Self care is an always way of being. It’s not some bullshit of going golfing with friends or getting a massage etc. Self care needs to be your way of existing. From there everything else will follow. Listen to your body and your feelings…
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 03:33 AM
15

Laugh at that shit. It’s an evil tactic to destroy and/or bait you. Do not accept the premise, and don’t get baited into arguing the merits. It’s trash and not worth any emotional energy. Be kind. Know that you’re better than that and worthy of being free from this trash. Don’t engage, ever. Planning time is now. https://slimwiki.com/survival/getting-started/welcome
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 02:50 PM
1

SILVER BULLET DIVORCE INFO https://slimwiki.com/survival/getting-started/welcome Lots of helpful info and links. I have no affiliation. Big helpful doc. No idea who made it etc.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 02:47 PM
1

The post is too generic and vague to really offer anything substantive. So, that sucks man sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 04:04 AM
1

Cheers! FYI it’s amazing the shit you don’t have to do when you put your mind to it. Obligations be what you make it. “No, and hope y’all have fun.” Sweetest words ever spoken.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 04:02 AM
0

What the fuck dude. Nobody has had this experience. If you actually want the kids then stop fucking around. She’s violent and toxic and abusive. It’s over. Focus more. Stop trying to be nice for bs reasons that do nothing for YOUR kids. Get rid of the fucking dog. Stop with the bullshit. Get the fire burning inside you and get your kids back. All that kinky sexy shit at the start? KEEP THAT SHIT TO YOURSELF. FOCUS!!!!!!
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:58 AM
6

They don’t need to meet. 4 months is not a lot of time. I would give that longer. What value are these things adding for you or your kids? Rebuild some clearer boundaries at YOUR discretion. You are allowed to introduce your children to whoever you want during your time. She’s not entitled to a synopsis of your plans or a pseudo psych evaluation of whoever the hell you want to interact with. Be kind. Be clear. Be a good dad.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 03:47 AM
2

I know. Feel all this and know it will be the hardest thing you’ll probably go through. Be brave. Make solid decisions with love for everyone. You’re getting divorced and going to be a great dad. Know that what is available to you in ALL relationships is up to YOU. Drive your relationships and don’t let anyone else take you off track. You can be divorced and have relationships that are meaningful, deep and loving with all these people. It can be different and still have love. Be the strongest on…
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 06:22 AM
-16

This feels deeply unhealthy and is littered with generalities and comes across as complaining and whiny How’s any of this going to help us?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:53 AM
1

Silver bullet survivor AMA, and btw I now have kids 50/50. Fuck being hopeless. Fuck peoples pity. Fuck people believing they know you and your situation. Get the kids back. When you’re dying this will be all that matters. Focus.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:41 AM
3

Yes. And this will be the worst emotional pain of your life. It’s worse than a close relatives death bc you still see the person you had a life with being there in the world. It’s going to drive you insane for a while. Talk to someone. Next week. This is for you even if you don’t know what else to do, you must go talk with a professional. Hold on. Go to work. Do small things like cooking and cleaning with ease. Go for a walk. Take it slow. It’s an agony with an end you will see one day. Much lov…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:32 AM
13

You fucked up. The language and out of nowhereness of this is because they are clearly setting up the foundation for a legal filing. You need to speed up the process of your filing ASAP. DONT COMMUNICATE WITH THE BF. ALL COMMUNICATIONS MUST GO THROUGH YOUR EX. this is YOUR boundary and the legally responsible thing for you. Don’t get baited either. Calmly tell your ex 1000x as necessary that you will be communicating with her and that you’re happy for her etc. All good. Hustle on that filing. Ge…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 03:17 AM
4

Get the kids to make cards. It’s for the kids and good karma. Doesn’t mean YOU like her or that she deserves kindness and rainbows from you etc. it’s a good thing to do for your peace as a dad - put them in a bag the kids travel with. Easy. Presents are silly and unnecessary imho but cards are the right thing to do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 01:05 AM
2

It’s too high risk. Get divorced now. Given her noted instability you deserve more parenting time and hence less CS necessary for you. Upfront money to make her happier with the pain. Don’t increase your risks for a hypothetical easier future. Take control quickly.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:29 PM
1

You should absolutely disclose if asked specifically for all your assets. Lying to the court or in a legal forum is short term thinking and dumb. That said, as the other posts say try to provide a reasonable offer given the short time you were married. Avoid the question as much as possible by being kind and generous and getting it done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:22 PM
1

Yeah it went fine. 2 kids. Split some things. Gave her money for the house. Totally possible. Keep your head up. Calmness and honesty in the face of asshole behavior goes a long way. Don’t get baited. Get more grounded.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:14 PM
-2

Block
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:09 PM
14

It’s a vapid rage bait question that doesn’t deserve an elaborate response.
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 01:05 PM
4

When you don’t love yourself it’s a dependable coping mechanism to find it in another person. Over time it becomes difficult to satiate the need for love from a familiar person and you’re forced into reconnecting with the considerations of self love. This is difficult and for many women deeply horrifying. Life is easier with less introspection particularly when most men will give you stuff and bang you. When couples don’t continually grow as a single rooted tree one partner gets bored looking at…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 07:04 AM
2

Welllll yeah eventually I was ready for dating apps. I get it man LOL
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 02:38 AM
4

I’d consider trying a fake vagina - like a latex one. Get that and some lube and it feels surprisingly decent. Look I’m not saying don’t see paid women at all but sounds like you may be uneasy with the fleeting nature of the companionship. Try something new. Nobody can judge you anymore. Worked for me at least. Took care of myself and made me feel better. Getting over that first feeling of awkwardness of buying basically a male sex toy gave me more confidence to in time move on to other things. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 02:13 AM
1

Can you explain that more? Is it a lease that you’ve both signed for and mutually paid on the security deposits and associated costs on or is it exclusively paid for by one of you or someone else?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 07:01 PM
2

These things can all be true: You both are good people. Nobody wants to hurt anyone. 3. You cannot make each other happy. It’s difficult and painful to realize we cannot make our wives happy when basically all we want is for them to be happy. HOWEVER the problem is that in many instances there is nothing we can do to make them happy. There is nothing wrong with us. Nothing more we can do. Nothing we can say. Their happiness is their struggle and in many ways their choice. Work through this and t…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 02:47 AM
1

Who owns the house you moved out of?
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 02:34 AM
3

Sounds like you’re his dad. There’s really no other words for what you describe. Keep fighting as such. Everyone else will know too.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/26 01:45 PM
1

Definitely do the things you’re into already and get out in the world even if it feels uncomfortable. Basically if you already like running then keep doing that, maybe more too - just be sure you’re running and not running from feelings. Check in with yourself and be busy because it’s healthy not to deny feelings or avoid them. A different in the world thing I’ve done is go to shows alone. I love going to see comedy alone, even bad ones. I like to sit right near the front of these fucking shows …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:38 PM
4

Keep going. The only way is through. Accept your feelings and the associated pain, see them all and talk about them with other people. Keep living and processing things and it will evolve and feel different soon. Suppression is not the way. You’re doing it right. Keep going. It hurts so bad I know.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 08:12 PM
1

This is not an appropriate forum for this type of discussion or question OP
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:59 AM
1

CS is just a calculator like number. From the judge or system perspective the problem with kindly agreeing to other numbers is things can change, people can get wacky. CS however can be taken regardless and with forced withholdings etc. The best interest of the kids is always the primary consideration and with good cause because 18 years is a long time for people to change their minds and their feelings. Anything is possible but keep that in mind as you consider alternatives.
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:56 AM
1

Generally speaking women have a very difficult time admitting they were wrong and apologizing. It makes them feel like they are wrong, they are bad people and should be shunned. We can admit we’re wrong feel better and move on. Idk again generally, women are very different. It’s life. Congratulations on this beautiful step in the right direction. When she’s bold enough to step up and be different it seems like you might consider telling her your skepticism as well. With kindness, openness and ho…
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 02:50 AM
3

It’s not that intense. Basic conversation in good faith seems worthwhile. Stick to the issue, real simple questions. Otherwise everyone in the dark.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 02:04 AM
2

Did you ask her what she thinks is fair and what she would like specifically?
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 01:57 AM
1

What is the living situation now? Need more info please. Also stop with all the afrair details. It’s not helping, it’s not relevant. You’re getting divorced. They need a mom and a dad the end. Whatever bs she did or is gonna do is not helpful to YOU or your kids. Let it all fly away for YOU so YOU can be the dad you need to be. Process with a therapist etc yes, but not with her or with others.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 01:41 AM
1

For a time brother you’re going to need a second job. For a time. There’s no way around it. You need more money. Move to a place where you have the freedom to see your kids too. Even if it’s a step down. Your kids are more important than any girlfriend.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 01:34 AM
11

Yes man you have to follow the directions 100% or you will 100% go to jail without questions or process. This is how people get killed so yeah it’s bullshit and yeah it also makes total sense. Nobody is going to follow the directions for you or care that you’re nice. Silver bullet survivor myself. In fact was texted by people and ex during the time and turned off my phone I was so afraid. If I had responded to ONE of those messages in ANY WAY i would’ve been in jail. Out of it now and 50/50 cust…
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 01:07 AM
1

You’re operating from a defensive position. Cut that off ASAP. You’re getting divorced but you’re not moving out. You’re sharing custody. You need a lawyer. idk where in md you are exactly but here’s a good one
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:41 PM
1

FAQ
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:31 PM
3

It’s very important you see a therapist alone. Loneliness is so painful and needs to be addressed. You can’t argue about this with her or try anything. With the situation as you describe it all you can do now is work on you. Love yourself enough to know that you need to talk with someone. Make the time and spend the money. You deserve more love. Start by giving some to yourself. If you’re seeing someone already maybe it’s the wrong type of therapy or therapist. Doesn’t sound like you need meds o…
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:08 PM
2

Make spur of the moment notes about what you’d like to talk to your therapist about in the future. On your phone. As the thoughts come up. Doesn’t have to be an occasion or a planned thing. Keep adding to the document and make notes in ways that make sense to you. Could be a couple bullet points or paragraphs. The most important helpful part is putting them down when you have them. You’ll have your phone. Lock it or put it on Face ID etc.
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 01:54 PM
1

There is a lot of men who die from this shit. A lot. This is my giving back. It’s not a fucking joke. If it’s a joke for you then cheers, red pill etc and have fun. I want more good dads and more healthy men in the world. I’ve been through unimaginable shit and I give back because people were there for me. Dudes kill themselves a lot. It’s not LOL. Cheers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 11:14 PM
–

Try not being a cunt
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 10:51 PM
4

How about this. Look you can sit around thinking you’re terrible. That’s not fun. Or try an addition. Get some NA beer. Good ones. Drink these. Get a taste for it. Have some real drinks too if you like. Then go full NA and don’t look back. I mostly stopped drinking. I improve my living space now in ways that I like and make and my life easier. I read and watch tv I want that my lady friend won’t enjoy anyway. I spent a lot of time finding a lady friend BUT before that I fucked a fake vagina. Hig…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 10:38 PM
7

You’re so lucky man. You could’ve done that bad marriage for 20+ years. Now you’ve got knowledge and wisdom. Holy shit man you can have all the kids and family stuff you want. Take your time. Be ok being mad and annoyed at most women and take your time. The best times of not caring about finding someone AND having an open heart is a beautiful place to be. Enjoy the time for you. All those seemingly conflicting feelings you’re having simultaneously are totally legitimate and understandable.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 01:34 PM
3

It’s worse than a death in a way because the intangible but critical thing you had is done and yet all the people are alive elsewhere. It’s fucking punishing. Keep going. If you’re not talking to someone then I’d consider it. A therapist can help you help yourself in the best ways.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 10:50 PM
1

Sounds like you got this dad - oh man you’re a strong dude keeping this all together and keeping your head. 🙏 excellent work in the midst of crazy shit
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 10:45 PM
1

If can be helpful to freeze financial things in place and keep everyone on their best behavior. Theoretically 😝. The psychological benefits to everyone can be real in terms of making something real that was only spoken of or assumed impossible before. There’s no definitive benefit but it can be helpful in some situations more than others. That said there’s no magic in it. Completing the proposals for exactly the money split you want and child care stuff that works beforehand and having it ready …
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 12:47 PM
2

You can make more money. You can’t make more time with your kid. You will never get the time back. Kids give zero fucks that you made good money to support them and their mom. They care and feel and absorb the love you give them being there with them and living. 100% go on the trip with everyone. Go and keep working on yourself. A healthier (potentially?) less wealthy you is what matters most for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 05:46 AM
2

I know it feels so frightening and like such a potential loss of time and moments and love with them. It is a loss in ways AND it’s also very additive when done with care and love for everyone. My kids feel safe and loved and playful in both homes. They have more fun. We have way more freedom together and more fun and playfulness than we did before. It can be more in a weird way that’s hard to envision in the place you are. I didn’t expect it for sure. At first I felt this deep impending loss an…
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/26 05:01 AM
1

This is so painful man and that’s so far to be apart. I can’t imagine. It’s just so painful to have those moments of life you can’t get back taken away from you in this way. if you can try in a genuine, not bullshit way to communicate with your ex that you would love as many photos and videos of kid stuff shared with you privately that would be amazing. This is not shit you add to Facebook. This is not shit she puts on Facebook, etc. this is for you and the kid so that while the parents are cont…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:27 PM
3

Fuck, dude I feel you. This is so much. This sounds overwhelming. If you can try to take it easy on yourself you literally can’t finish it all in a few days. You’re gonna do a little bit at a time. Forgive yourself for the shit you can’t finish. you’re working you’re getting it done! You’re fucking taking care of business a little bit at a time. A little space at a time, you got this. Stay strong brother.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:17 PM
1

Do you have a parenting plan in place that allocates days and times that each of you are supposed to have the children? Seems to me if you have that in place you’re kind of fucked here and you’re gonna have to do some driving. if she wants to get a car and make it easy for you, that’s great if she doesn’t sounds like you’re driving. you’re not in charge of how she manages her transportation choices, but you are in charge of getting the kids to her per the plan and if she’s gonna be an asshole ab…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 04:12 PM
1

Depends on what you did with the first house. Was it a rental? Where’d the rental income go? Did you work on this house, clean it, maintain things,deal with renters etc. It depends on more than she has paperwork that says this is all her house and you don’t have a pre nup. If there’s time money and energy commingling you have a case. More detailed information is required and you are required to provide that in detail to your lawyer if you want help. Fire up a spreadsheet and get to work. Damn du…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 03:57 PM
1

There’s so many options. You could put the house up for sale take three ACTUAL offers and do the average and then not sell or actually sell. You could only stick to the house appraisal or get 3-5 appraisals. I mean there are so many options. Sounds like you two really want to sell which is cleaner anyway. If you can’t value and compromise on belongings and furniture then appraisal that stuff too. Broadly, hypothetical scenarios attached to real money is frustrating for me. I think real property …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:51 PM
1

Depends on state and other stuff. However, the best option is don’t commingle or hide - doesn’t mean you have to tell HER just not cash in a mattress is all I mean. Open a new bank account at a bank you BOTH currently do not use in your name only and keep it all there. If these are investments I would seriously consider liquidating them to avoid capital gains and keep it clean. That’s up to you though I guess. Depends on the assets etc but if the cost basis is from YOUR time of receipt I would s…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:42 PM
4

If there’s 50/50 legal custody then it seems like this is a reasonable compromise given everything else to have this almost 50/50 physical FWIW. I’m not an expert in all states etc. Congrats on being an awesome dad Good work sir!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:35 PM
2

Sorry for this unfortunately it looks like you’re definitely getting divorced. What you can do for YOU and your marriage and this person you care about is work on YOU. Working on yourself at this point is the only way. Go see a therapist you click with and keep going. Keep talking here and/or to trusted family and friends. Kindness to yourself should always be the goal, and try to let it go even when you’re not. Work on you and everything else will come. Stay strong. Whatever other difficulties …
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:30 PM
7

Excited for you man - good luck. Do it again too! Keep looking better and better. Never stop getting more awesomeness inside and out. Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 10:24 PM
3

FAQ RESOURCE ON DIVORCE, SILVER BULLET etc. I have no affiliations and it’s free with links to other stuff
/r/Divorce_Men07/01/26 02:59 AM
2

Makes sense. I’ve felt this way. For me the complete emotional safety in the relationship is what makes it come together. Once you have everything and are totally in love with yourself to accept that if all the things went away you’d be inconvenienced only and still at peace then you’re there. You get to the place at peace and love with yourself and then with another person. Total safety inside and with yourself. If my house burned down and someone took all my money I’d be annoyed at the steps t…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 08:47 PM
2

Ok I’ll say it: Most of us are from men+women relationships. The dynamics in the world of gay men are different and so many of us are not attuned to those relationships. Broadly, I’ve heard that multiple partners isn’t necessarily abnormal. Idk I listen to Dan Savage 😝 Staying with someone because of money constraints is usually a poor choice. We’re all gonna be dead and money doesn’t matter then. Living and loving in ways that transcend is what’s truly the goal.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 08:39 PM
1

Wrong sub. Good luck with your relationship. Dating subs (over 40 maybe) are the right place? Thanks for visiting. I don’t think our feedback is valuable or helpful with the info you can provide. Much love.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 05:06 PM
3

Dear Police “I’m affraid this homeless guy I don’t know is bringing fentanyl in my house and I just feel really unsafe. My STBXW is with him and I can’t get him to leave but I’m worried a lot and I don’t want to fight them about it and unfortunately I have no where to go. I politely asked him to leave and he refused. Yes, this is my house.” Idk. Be creative.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:00 AM
1

Cut the bullshit with her. Have a talk together. If she wants to intentionally date you exclusively but slowly then do that AND with the intention of getting back together. This should be a very clear conversation that puts it all out there. Both of you need to get some courage and say the things and do the thing or don’t. You don’t have to move in together but you need to have very clear boundaries that are created and maintained together. Otherwise, y’all need to quit this shit and move on. St…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:51 AM
1

This is a should I get divorced question. How the fuck should we know? This is one side of a story with two opposing narrators. Go to therapy with or without her. Make that the #1 priority in your life. This is for you AND your boys. Maybe you’ll get divorced after that. Maybe you’ll reconcile, idk. From what you say as you say it she disgusts you and you hate her for legit reasons. That said, yes people can be happier after divorce and the kids can thrive and be happier too. This is not bullshi…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 12:38 AM
2

It’s truly more fun for you if you wait. Not saying wait because it’s healthier or moral but because it’s more fun, more successful and plain erotic when you do. Go ahead and flirt in public and stuff, get your feet wet but not your dick so to speak. Get a rubber vagina. Seriously. This is the time and it helps a lot. Get over the weirdness of it. Shit man I’m so over it that I tell my gf now when we’re apart more than a few days that I’ll be fucking my rubber vag. I don’t care if the pope finds…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 09:22 PM
2

Lawyer. Tell them and have in writing why in painful specificity the claims are bullshit. Keep it tight. Don’t go rambling about some extraneous bs about how she sucks etc. Facts with minimal required context. If you carry yourself well under this fire the judges and lawyers and everyone will know it’s bullshit. They see this a lot and see it for the bs it is AND they see other men who can’t get out of their own way STFU and get screwed. If you’re under a PO then follow the rules. Tell the truth…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 09:03 PM
3

Don’t leave. File the PO with the specifics of her drug abuse. Scorch the fucking earth. Don’t hold back in all the awful details. Maybe she’ll get clean and be a real mom. Maybe. Either way this is the right thing. Not your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 08:54 PM
2

Did you stop and sit with him and tell him these things and that you’re worried and love him more and want to be there and talk about it? Without fixing. Without trying to give him something. Without anger to whatever he says. Make the space at a time when you both are present. Direct and with love. Listen. Make it safe for him to talk.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:51 PM
1

Whew yeah. I know how this feels. It’s something. You’re forging iron right now and deep in the fire. It sucks more than anything. You asked for specifics and the main thing is you should see a therapist. You’ve spent more money and time on physical things to take care of yourself and your family and almost nothing (?)on the most important thing, the feelings in your head. Nothing you’re doing or feeling is wrong. Go see someone. Do this for you. All the exercise and get a hobby shit didn’t help…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 04:44 PM
2

As the other posters had said saving money is fine. Hiding money is not fine. Open a bank account in your name only and have everything there. Take that 401k contribution to ZERO and have the money DD there. Take the cash back when shopping but put the money in the bank account you solely own. DO NOT start shady cash transactions or have checks sent somewhere and then cash them later etc. Have YOUR account with savings for your emergency with records that are beyond reproach. You don’t have to s…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 11:29 PM
3

Well if you’re up for it have some with this ridiculous bs. Text HER at 11:55 happy new year. Put some dumb cat gif in there too. Idk. That’s all. She responds then thumbs up it. Done. Up to you. Just a suggestion. The good part of getting and being divorced is you make all the rules and drive your emotional bus all the time. Don’t let anyone else drive that shit for you. You’ll get there. Stay awesome.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 12:03 AM
5

Nothing you’re feeling is wrong and thanks for telling us man. We all love you here and know where you’re at right now. Work fucking sucks and just blah everyone. I hear you. Make a small meal, take a shower, talk to some people. Be easy on yourself. Much love.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 11:56 PM
1

I’m a silver bullet survivor with 50/50 custody now and living a beautiful happy life, fucking more joyful than ever in fact. This took over 18 months of staggering pain to get here. Pain that is unbearable to most people. Something in me was able to break and let me see what’s truly important and it’s mainly the kids and that they have so much more life to live than me and I want their time to be amazing and joyful too. I actually don’t hate my ex and have a tremendous amount of empathy for her…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 08:05 AM
7

Listen to this golden advice OP. This is the strongest shit you’re ever gonna do. Never move out. Don’t accept this casual cruelty from anyone. Get going. We’re here for questions. Much love.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 07:45 AM
6

You should cut this shit out now before you or your kid gets invited to something else. Tell these two people, preferably to their face, to stop inviting your kid and also tell them why. No bullshit no niceties etc. Be the bigger person by directly addressing the pile of elephant shit in the room to them directly and tell them to cut it out and have a great life. Not with anger or maliciousness but with huge balls of confidence. I vehemently disagree with letting the kid go blah blah it’s for th…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 03:06 AM
1

Omfg you’re not married. Great news. See a lawyer today and have a parenting plan drawn up and that’s all. Tell her to get the fuck out if she wants to be single. She needs to go. Kids can stay, she must go. Where? Who cares?! She’s an adult she can figure shit out and deal with temporary poor housing. Look, legally and emotionally in all the ways she is irrelevant. What will be important is how you treat the kids and the home and life you give them. Keep being a good dad and part of that is hav…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 02:57 AM
1

Savage. I mean dude I know they do it to us but damn 😂. Bad karma
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 09:23 PM
1

There’s other women who will love you and you can love. The only problem and requirement firstly is you need to love YOURSELF more and know that you deserve better. Get it done. By pushing the divorce process forward you’re taking the first step. Go!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/25 09:15 PM
3

Everything from here on out needs to be evaluated after you ask yourself, ‘What’s this going to do for me and how is this going to make me feel and make my life easier?’ With that said there is probably no value for you in engaging in any specifics of your rationale for divorce with her. As others said, finalize the presenting docs with your lawyers, propose a settlement you’re comfortable with and go from there in peace and from a place of strength. You’re not telling her because it makes your …
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 11:01 PM
5

So awesome man - love to hear when dudes been to the mountain and back AND better than ever. Cheers!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 10:53 PM
8

I love the “oh shit” moments. They’re so sweet. “Oh shit: I can leave this in the sink? I can leave the door open and let the bugs in? I can leave these clothes unfolded? etc” And yet my house is cleaner and tidier. Abracadabra. Oh shit yo!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 10:47 PM
2

We’re cool here. Ask anything. This document is helpful See a therapist. Use a close very trusted friend or family member - the kinda people you’d cover up a murder for close. Otherwise, don’t chat with tangential associates.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 10:39 PM
3

Dude this is a long list of how shitty your wife is and how she disgusts you. I don’t think money distribution is your problem. You CLEARLY despise this woman and so….Get divorced already!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 12:24 AM
4

Once you’re both getting divorced or separated or actually divorced your lives are your individual respective private endeavors. You’re no longer emotionally involved with your STBX and she shouldn’t be with you. You’re finalizing a business transaction at this point. Be kind etc but it’s a business now. Your relationship preferences and changes are interesting but irrelevant details.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 12:21 AM
1

Yes and no bc it depends like most things. It should be the basis of everything however. There is a blight of men leaving because it’s supposedly easier, it’s the manly honorable thing to do, it takes care of the kids (and her LOL), it reinforces our natural proclivities as providers and protectors and on and on. It’s a huge problem and you know what bro? Nobody is going to tell you to STAY except men like us here and lawyers with balls who fight for male clients in situations like us. Nobody gi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 10:19 PM
3

Sounds like a lot of things are happening TO you and you’re reacting rather than you making choices and decisions. Try to expand your mind a bit. Women are gonna say a bunch of crazy shit?! Yeah. And? So what? They can say anything. Fact is the courts and lawyers know this to. What YOU choose to do is what matters. It’s your house and your kid. You have total agency. Keep that in mind.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:04 PM
3

Lots of good comments here. Adding to it that whatever meds you try you’re going to have to experiment on yourself to see how they work for you. A few pills used as a sole proprietor is the cost of doing the business as a partnership 😆 Yeah don’t jerk off regularly because that helps but with meds you’re going to have to experiment a bit off the field to become a professional Timing, food, alcohol, sleep, 1x or 2x dose all take some time to figure out. It’s an art not a math equation. Get it!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:26 AM
1

It’s more like a therapisty life coach from what I know. Idk what your specific needs are but maybe an accountant instead? Damn dude 4 years! wtf is happening.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:14 AM
1

Your question is too broad tbh. Read through more stuff and come back with more specific questions. Keep being an awesome dad.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:11 AM
1

You love your kids grandparents and they love you. You don’t have your family here. You have a girlfriend and are being kind with her and your kids too. I’m confused what the problem is here. The grandparents sound wonderful. If your new partners don’t see and understand that then your partner is the problem. If you didn’t have kids it would be weird and unique but with what you’ve explained it sounds amazing and most other parents would be gracious about it and maybe jealous! Life is not a zero…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 04:02 AM
1

The only problem is the you problem. You’re probably getting divorced and that’s ok. You need to take better care of yourself first and you’ll get to the divorce eventually. You’ll get it to it from a place of tremendous confidence and strength and peace if you do it right. Find a different therapist. It’s not bullshit. Man up and be a better man for yourself. Get the fuck outta here with this mediation calm bullshit that maligns all therapy. You’re the most important person in your life because…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:34 AM
2

Guys be nice to the visitors please. OP this ain’t the right place for this. Thanks for stopping by, no worries. Hope your relationship works out.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:25 AM
5

It’s healthy and totally normal to fantasize about some wicked shit. Have at it! Then stop. Think about “what is this going to do for me? How is this going to make my life more pleasant and enjoyable and easy?” Do these things and live abundantly. Cheers.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:20 AM
1

IDK WTF this is but it ain’t for this sub homie. Keep it moving
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:16 AM
8

NEVER MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. You can live in a place and not interact with a person. You don’t have to argue or take the bait ever. Put your feet up and say no thank you. Clearly you still are taking care of her and caring what she thinks in a way and unfortunately that’s all over. She is a mom and that’s all. Nothing she does wants or needs or asks for etc is your problem. With complete and legally binding financial agreements and childcare agreements in place you could move out maybe if you l…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:08 AM
8

🚨🚨🚨NEVER MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! EVER! NO MATTER WHAT! She can move out anytime.🚨🚨🚨 Keep being kind to your garbage human wife. Kids still need a mom. Don’t argue with this vile woman. Be nice. And STFU about any divorce shit. Seriously STFU about it to EVERYONE except your lawyer and your therapist. I’m a silver bullet survivor with youngish kids now living my best life with 50/50 custody. I know what I speak and I know the pain, the crushing unbearable pain you’re feeling. There is an end, the…
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:52 AM
2

info here will serve you well NEVER MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS DO NOT MOVE OUT!!!
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 02:38 AM
14

Your wife’s behavior is pathetic. You deserve better. She deserves any way to not be such a POS who projects her bs on others while clearly hating herself. Now a different take and this is not fun: you need to have more love and self respect for YOURSELF first. You shouldn’t be working 70 hour weeks. Ever. It’s insane and unhealthy and cruel to yourself and makes you unavailable to anyone else in your life and random people you encounter. Whatever you think you’re doing to take care of whatever …
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:40 AM
4

Bumble and Hinge bro. Stop being complicated. And no they are not necessarily looking for a LTR, they are dating and maybe cuddling to potentially get to a LTR. Enjoy the ride, like them. Go get it! Work on yourself etc blah blah blah sure. You’re an adult. You can figure it out and do more than one thing. I’m in my 40s btw fwiw.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 06:06 PM
4

The first and most important step is forgiving yourself, seeing and forgiving your past selves. All these emotionally volatile parts of you have great value and need to be heard and acknowledged AND they should not be allowed drive you without supervision. There is nothing you can say to your spouse to change her mind. You have things to say to yourself, and new things to strive for every day. When you’re giving yourself enough love to have a solid foundation she may be there to build with you. …
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 04:58 AM
1

Advice is do the most legwork you can with the information you have and then outline your suspicions in excruciating detail. You need: numbers and spreadsheets from YOU to give to the accountant of your choice. Summarize your thoughts in a few paragraphs and then back it up with the spreadsheets or itemized data. This will serve you well, get you help faster and save you some money. Get to work.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 04:37 AM
1

People get harmed in these situations is my point. Before those things happen people look back and say oh there were all these signs and we didn’t take them seriously. Do you. Do whatever feels safe to you and take it as seriously as you want to or not. It’s your life and your kids life so have at it.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 03:19 AM
0

This is how people get killed dumbass! Her. Her cousin. Some guy. Her friend. Who knows?! This is not a fucking joke. Do the man thing so you or your kid don’t get murdered or harmed. It’s the adult thing to do. It’s not vindictive or whatever pejorative bs you think, it’s actually the manliest best dad shit you need to do.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:38 AM
8

Be kinder to yourself and this kid who may not be yours. Get the test. Save a few hundred grand. Get the test. You didn’t make this situation where a test is essential but you can do the actual adult thing and get the test.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 02:36 AM
3

The comfort of your situation which feels safe in its familiarity is actually a weighted blanket suffocating your life. You have so much more love to give to YOURSELF first from now on. From this foundation you will slowly realize how much love you have available for women who are actually available, and they in turn will reciprocate. Be brave. Love yourself. Start the process. This is for you and about you and doesn’t involve her until she signs the paperwork. Get it! Me: 40s. Married almost 20…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/25 12:47 AM
2

Get a fucking lawyer! TODAY. Doesn’t matter how you pay for it. CC, ask a favor, sell some shit etc. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU WILL DO. Get it done. Write up everything to hand to this lawyer on a silver platter. It’s all business. Rest your emotions for now. Follow all the RTO directions perfectly like a gentleman with exceptional class. Don’t spend one second of energy or time complaining about it just handle your business. Me: Silver bullet survivor with 50/50 custody living my bes…
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 09:06 PM
12

By the way you’re explaining it she’s still too much in your head. Keep living your best life. Her feelings are her problem for sure and also your feelings are your problem. Ambivalence or literally wanting her to be happy is the way. Why? Because it makes YOUR life even more pleasant. Not recommending walking on eggshells, rather saying consider YOURSELF more and the aforementioned goal with every interaction. If you didn’t have kids it could be different but you still gotta deal with this pers…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 11:49 PM
3

There’s no device that comes into your home that your children use that you do not have ALL the passwords for. Strip all the other things away or keep them and that seems like a very appropriate boundary. You shouldn’t have to plan around or ask for anything less.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 11:36 PM
1

I’m finding being more upfront with what is good and what I like about the relationship and the person to be more helpful to me. I’m probably not getting married or moving in etc anytime soon BUT I don’t find it satisfying or helpful to focus on the things I’m not going to do or am reluctant to do. Truly, I’m focusing more on the fun in relationships I like, being more direct and wild with sex stuff and approaching relationships from a place of getting more joy rather than protecting myself from…
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 02:04 AM
1

Get a good lawyer and get divorced. My god this is painful. NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. Cut the bullshit and cut the cord here bro. You’re talking to a lawyer and getting a divorce. Tell the truth. You are the primary parent. She is legit and documented mentally ill and needs help. She is not going to get help by you enabling her. Support your mentally ill co-parent by getting a divorce and getting her out of the house so she can get help.
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:56 AM
5

The loss is worse than a death for a while and you have to keep feeling the pain for a while. The loss is tremendous and the pain of feeling like it could somehow be salvaged is so much worse. Keep seeing all these feelings, it’s so healthy and part of healing. To get over the mountain and find your future self you have to step outside the dead relationship and see and love yourself fully. Forgive yourself and don’t worry about being in denial or forgetting the pain because you’ll always remembe…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:47 AM
1

There are no benefits to moving out for you. There are lots of benefits for her. Never move out! Your kids are too young and you need to take this very seriously. Handshake agreements are bullshit for you and for your kids. The strongest most important thing you need to do immediately is move back into your home with your small children. No fighting. No arguing. No yelling. Do not engage with her bullshit. You are there for the kids and you are not leaving. You will settle this amicably like adu…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:32 AM
9

Banging without condoms for 15 years or whatever and now with is a huge change. Self finishing is always successful because the two parties involved know each other so well. Def stop jacking. If you know you’ll have some days with no potential sex maybe get a fake vagina to bang but with a condom on for practice. Otherwise keep the real life practice going and stop thinking about it best you can. Get and give as much head without protection if everyone is down for it. Be easy on yourself and kee…
/r/Divorce_Men25/11/25 04:19 AM
1

Lots of 51 yr old women out there looking for kindness and companionship too. I’ve dated a couple. It’s a big world out there. Get cooking. Get some new shit and make some bad decisions knowing it’ll be ok. Be kind to everyone, mostly yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:55 AM
4

You’re saying a lot of mean things to yourself and about yourself even here. You wouldn’t let someone be as cruel to you as you are being. Love yourself a lot more with the love you can give to others. Time to see someone and talk some shit out too, you deserve it. Much love.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:50 AM
1

3k seems reasonable tbh. So about 8 hours of work for a mid tier lawyer. Fair. As long as you give the info and paperwork on a silver platter it can get done for that amount.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:43 AM
7

Be Jewish for a day. Go get some Chinese food, watch a movie. Kick back. If you have actually Jewish friends even better and ask for an invite. Either way, make a little general plan now and then stop thinking about it. Seriously plan and be done. The vicious self flagellating thoughts before the day become worse than the actual day. Give yourself the love of a little plan and then the gift of letting go of the worry.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 01:40 AM
2

Be offended. You’re considering abandoning your kids? This is some small ball weak shit. Grow some fucking balls for your fucking kids! NEVER MOVE OUT! Step back and look at your kids and yourself 20 years from now. You will feel like a piece of shit forever if you do this and they will be hurt and hate you forever. Stay. Be an amazing dad. Never argue. Never yell. You’re staying. The end. Put your feet up and relax. Nobody drives your emotions. Stop letting her drive you. Take the power back.
/r/Divorce_Men23/11/25 12:06 AM
3

It feels like you might need some time to reflect on why you’re doing these things and like making good money etc. Are you doing them for YOU do they make YOU feel good? You need to strip away everything else, especially your marriage and your ex and see yourself truly and lovingly before you know what you want and what makes you happy. Be kind enough to yourself to give the gift of time and space to figure out what you want. Sure, go live in the van but do it on purpose. Do it knowing it may be…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 11:28 PM
1

😂 nope but your question proves why I’m so successful though
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 06:53 PM
1

It may be worthwhile to try dating some when you feel kinda ready. As some others said at some point you just feel ready and you’ll know. It is important and I believe feels better to do it for the whole reasons rather than for a hole. Take care of yourself and your needs sexually in ways that don’t involve dating - idk fake vagina or whatever. Who cares?! Then when you’re dating it’s less of a rush, and that vibe and relaxed presence is empowering for you and appealing to them. It takes practic…
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:43 PM
2

Yes. They do. If you come as person with love for your kid and clearly not lying it is apparent to everyone in the court. Love your kid enough to do the hard thing and maybe she will heal in the program. Until then take care of yourself and your kid. I understand how hard it is, you got this.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:58 AM
2

Cheers bro so happy for you - isn’t it amazing?! What a feeling. Enjoy it all, you’re worth it. So much love 🤗 awesome
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:49 AM
1

You need to step back and outside yourself and the situations to think about what you want. You want peace and time with your kids, correct? If not you should. So. What is the safest and fasted road to get there? It’s rising above bullshit and being stronger than her bullshit. Judo instead of boxing. Do not react as the other person said, calculate.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:37 AM
3

🚨 DO NOT MOVE OUT NO MATTER WHAT DO NOT MOVE OUT 🚨 Now with that said you work back from there. Read the list. Plan. Make a cozy separate space. Take lots of time for yourself as you can while also being a very active kind and loving parent. DO NOT ESCALATE OR ARGUE. Discuss if you need to or can but when it goes off the rails shut it down and remove yourself. Sit the fuck down literally. No standing discussions or arguments. Seriously, sit the fuck down even if she is standing. This is importan…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:28 AM
2

list here
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 03:20 AM
3

Bro. Move back in and tell her to move out. Live whatever life you want that doesn’t include her but SHE can go. Clearly have a different or safe place for whatever documents or important stuff you have but that’s all. Stop giving her gifts of your care cuz she certainly ain’t. Straight up smoke cigars and drink some scotch INSIDE if you like or hell maybe even if you don’t like those things.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:55 AM
0

Pictures videos and audio man and back that stuff up. This is volatile AF and you need to protect yourself first. On that note I would urge you to remove all the alcohol that comes in the house as best you can. You have too much love and empathy for her even now. You need to have colder and more calculated energy. Protect yourself from a place of quiet strength. Imagine and really think about how this shit would be going and what her friends etc would be telling her if the roles were reversed!
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:43 AM
3

Fuck whatever she’s doing, not your business or life and stop giving a shit. In fact, tell this person who told you this bullshit to fuck off with that and cut it out. Seriously stop it. She’s not entitled to your emotional energy full stop. You drive your emotional bus now. You need to see a therapist and work some shit out on your own. You need to process all this. I’m assuming you haven’t bc you didn’t mention it. See someone on a regular basis. This is not a get around to it later thing this…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:31 AM
5

You take the 50/50 today and stfu today. Stop worrying about her and the whys and what nots. Take the 50/50 and live and be the amazing dad you are. If she’s awful later you can go back. It’s time to move forward and move on from everything as I understand it with what you shared. You’re not going to change her bs. Being an amazing dad will be the medicine your kids need for any of her bs. When you have more alone time with them it may in fact make everyone better equipped to cope with any bs fr…
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/25 02:14 AM
5

I don’t get the sense you seem open to advice tbh so not sure why you’re asking Since your kid is 17 and will be almost 18 by the divorce it’s not as big a deal to leave. Leaving with younger kids is the huge never ever ever. What benefits are there for you for leaving? I’ll help you…the answer is none. The benefits are for her exclusively. Stay and keep as you are. It pushes the process along. It keeps your eye on your biggest asset. It shows you give a shit basically if anything goes awry or a…
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 02:31 AM
2

It’s easy and lovely and wonderful and there are lots of women out there. Getting YOURSELF together and loving YOURSELF is the only main ingredient you need to lock down 100% before it’s fun. A long marriage is an endorsement and selling point to good women. Trust me.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 07:34 PM
4

The podcast by the same name is more than fine. It’s a good listen even if you pick and choose episodes. Some helpful perspectives from a sensible mature woman. It’s not all for me and sometimes I disagree which means it’s actually useful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/25 11:57 AM
1

In addition to what others have said I would also strongly recommend NOT keeping any of this money in fluctuating assets. Yes, you will lose some compounding blah blah blah. Get the 4% which is still a lot and chill in a MM fund or similar. Let it sit. Be clean as a whistle and not shady at all. Do it soon. Shows good character. Responsible. Investing is for later. Pause now.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 05:16 AM
2

Get internet doctors ed meds. It’s so easy. You’ll want to experiment how it works for YOU alone a few times before using it with a partner. It’s a good to have and also helps to keep it going multiple times. There are variables you’ll have to figure out on the timing of taking it. Food. Drinks. Time. Etc. Cost of doing bizness to waste some pills on your hand. Idgaf about what’s Ed or not and neither should you. All you need to know is there is a +/-$6 way to give your dick superpowers.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 08:25 PM
6

You just gotta go and eat some shit for a while and waste some money. There is no easy recipe or way. The only way is through, wasting some cash and figuring what works. Start today. Just go already! Stop overthinking it. (Bumble and Hinge. Sometimes it rules and sometimes I hate myself and almost all the women. So is life.)
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 02:06 AM
1

No because it was bullshit like you feel is how I felt. She asked and asked me a lot and I looked and kept saying no. Maybe this works for some people. Maybe mostly women. Idk. But it’s lazy divorce industry bullshit. I wrote our own thing and painfully worked it out over time with her. Arguing and changing and rewriting. You gonna argue over the same shit regardless! Light $5k on fire for some cunts who give no shits about my life or her life for that matter? No thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:58 AM
6

It’s so fucking hard man. It’s also so free. Want to stay up later than you would playing video games or watching videos sometimes? Yes. Go to the park and stay for hours and just bring dinner or lunch and eat there? Yeah. You can do whatever you like and nobody is going to tell you what you’re doing wrong or complain. Be free and be easy on yourself. Your kid will know and feel all the love when you treat yourself with compassion and love.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 01:43 AM
5

WTF is this? Tell both these people you don’t want to breathe the same airspace as this man ever again. Tell them once to their face. Firmly. Nothing to gain here. Example language: “I don’t want to see you again and you’re not allowed in my space ever. Thanks” No conversation after that. Say it again if you have to and leave. You and only you drive this bus of emotions and what you allow in your head and physical space.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 06:01 PM
-1

Give it back yeah. Tell her to use it to get something nice or nice for the kids if you have any. That’s the real way to be in total control. She got nothing on you. She ain’t even entitled to your anger. Get it done - this is for you. This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 05:16 PM
23

Top of the tits tattoo or almost full arm tattoos. Visible of course, regardless of weather Tell me there is a plot twist and she’s in a beige pants suit 38-42 years old
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 12:05 AM
6

Move in right now. I am not fucking around. It’s your house. Your kids. DO NOT YELL. DO NOT ARGUE. I am moving back in. The end. Have a full battery on that phone. Video it all. Just have it on. No need to be a dick about it. Just have it on. If you’re physically not allowed back in or assaulted call the fucking police and tell them the whole truth. Sit if it gets heated. Hands on knees. Calm. A rock.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:59 PM
4

Talk to him a lot, read a lot of books. Be ridiculous. Try not to overthink it. Lots of parks. Learn all the parks. Let him go and learn to be brave. Let him climb and hurt himself. This is your job. Women in his life ain’t gonna do it. It will make all the difference in the world: Confidence and class and the ability to make friends. You’ll learn all the popular parks with lots of other kids real quick. Go get dirty and injured. Have a blast. Yes - when he’s 3 or 4 or 5+. Start tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:55 PM
1

Silver bullet survivor with 50/50 and house Hang tough. Focus. Strongest dad shit you will ever do.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 11:11 PM
1

Refocus on the right things which is YOU then the kids. She doesn’t matter anymore. IDGAF what she says or does has done or is going to do. You and the kids. Stay in the house NO MATTER WHAT. Stop worrying about money bs that’s 100 steps away. New passwords on everything. New bank accounts and cc for you. All the legal documents you have - take them somewhere other than your home and do not tell her. Take care of your kids MORE than ever. Take more pics and videos than ever and back them all up …
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 09:54 PM
1

Heed all of this OP. It is your new god.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/25 09:44 PM
16

Yeah the divorced and broken women project all the awful shit from all the bad men they’ve been with or know. They have little self awareness or ownership of their involvement in problems. The conversations we have go like: Girl to Girl: ‘Girl I know men are the worst. You’re amazing you don’t need him’ Meanwhile…. Boy to Boy: ‘That’s fucked up. Did you do anything fucked up too? It’s cool, I get if you did because I been there too.’
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 01:34 PM
4

Bro. You need to send clear messages to her ASAP via text and email and record them and back them up that says without any doubt you do not approve of her taking the kids from your home. RIGHT NOW if you didn’t already. This is not to argue about it because it’s probably pointless. In fact, don’t argue with her about it. Say again you do not approve and would like her to know that the safest best place for the kids is in their house and it is in the best interest of the children to be at home wi…
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/25 01:40 AM
1

And yet brother at the end of the day what’s that going to do for YOU? nothing. You have to feel the pain and hold it and know that she’s vile and disgusting and that it means NOTHING about you. Love yourself better and always first.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/25 12:01 AM
2

Let him go for you and for him. With compassion and clarity and unrelenting commitment to it being over. You will both feel so much better. Love yourself and him enough to do this. Good luck 🤗
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/25 06:13 PM
3

When you finally love yourself as much as you tried to love in your marriage. It’s a calm confidence, without a ‘and fuck you’ at the end. When you’re just here, you and you’re unconditionally giving yourself forgiveness, empathy and love. When you see all the feelings you mentioned, but you see them from afar almost, and the feelings aren’t driving you blindly. It’s almost like a backpack that you don’t carry anymore. You used to carry it around and throw some guilt, resentment, anger whatever …
/r/Divorce_Men01/08/25 03:40 AM
1

Keep going. You have to feel the pain and anger, let it in and acknowledge it. What you do then is the real healing process in loving yourself. Try not to drink or use weed etc. don’t beat yourself up too much if you do. Be careful. Sleeping sober is better anyways. Your body will tell you. If you work from home then stop doing g that. Go anywhere with humans even if you’re not actively engaging with them. Go out alone. To the movies. To a play. To comedy. Doesn’t matter too much. This is for yo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/25 09:24 PM
7

I’m totally intolerant and uninterested in emotionally immature supposed “culture” issues. It’s a big wide world. If someone’s family, friends etc. aren’t interested in fully embracing me as I would THEM then they can fuck right off and pound sand. This is a strong solid concrete boundary for me. Zero tolerance for that bullshit. People can grow up or choose not too. I’ve done this wrong more than once. Soooo yeah. I may be dumb enough to learn the lesson again 😝
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 12:13 PM
1

Give her the machine AND a bunch of coffee with it and whatever else supplies. What’s your goal here for the end result? An amicable divorce. The best way to get there is to show you cannot be distracted or broken or thrown off by her petty bullshit that is clearly only intended to hurt you and distract you. Judo move that bullshit and throw her off. It ain’t about the stuff anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 12:33 PM
6

Excellent work, keep doing you. They REALLY don’t know what to do when we stand our ground and don’t leave the house or kids. This resolve flies in the face of everything their dumb consultants and friends told them would happen and it makes them furious. It’ll be over soon enough - keep it up.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 12:25 PM
5

I’m reluctant to say this however this is the time to call the cops. It’s the strongest dad thing to do in the situation as you describe it. The MIL and your soon to be ex wife need to feel the boundary. You’re not leaving but their toxic disgusting behavior needs to leave and it needs to be on record. You feel threatened and unsafe and they are threatening your child full stop. Call the cops immediately next time if this is a a next time. This is non negotiable.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 03:23 AM
2

No. Take it seriously. Take care of yourself. You deserve better.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/25 03:15 AM
1

Because the main point is that the deficiencies of our former female partners is not because of a lack of something WE aren’t giving them it’s from their inability or unwillingness to confront their unhappiness, needs and problems. No amount of kindness or exercise or tactics or assertiveness etc make an unhappy woman happy.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 12:28 PM
6

Going down a red pill rabbit hole
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 11:04 AM
2

I know brother. Somewhere waaaay in there is the possibility of love. It’s a gift to your kid and her future self rather than the current reality or a kindness to the cunts over there to yeah kinda lie a little. The alternative ain’t great. Idk fwiw
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:24 AM
1

Understood. Can you or another party send certified mail? Idk man it feels like there is another way other than a few k in lawyer fees plus there is a mild reasonable urgency to your requests in that if you are required to have these things and there is nothing stopping her from (sorry) throwing them away?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:17 AM
1

DELETE ALL THE FUCKING SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS TODAY! you can always go back but give yourself idk 1 year or so without them and see how it feels, see if you’re really missing anything or if in fact you gain a tremendous amount of free time, emotional clarity and love for yourself take your time more, relax and be easier on yourself and be in control by obligating yourself to less The money and women and beauty of life comes after you give yourself space
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:06 AM
3

You’re clearly most worried about the money. Start giving yourself a weekly bonus and then put it in a savings account and never touch it or look at it again. This will be the freedom money you are going to give her. Yeah, you’re going to have to pay her a lot. Get started now and get over it and you can move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 02:00 AM
1

What did she say when you asked her for the stuff? Or is she simply ignoring everything?
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:51 AM
6

I’d be careful here. Maybe listen to some The Happy Wife School podcast episodes - also on YouTube but I’m old so yeah. When we as men start putting the onus of our wives deeply felt unhappiness on ourselves we’re not improving ourselves and giving ourselves the real love and respect we deserve.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:42 AM
8

This is how these vile lawyers start. It’s a war and try to make the best of the situation knowing this is the beginning. 50/50 custody is the end of this war. Laugh anything else out of the room. Get a lawyer or tell yours explicitly 50/50 is all that’s happening here. Otherwise you’re fucked. Her motivations or lawyer bullshit or what she does in her free time or how much of a garbage person she is and blah blah blah doesn’t matter. What matters is you want the kids as much as possible and 50/…
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:35 AM
3

Whew that’s heavy man. You’re an amazing dad. Tragic and sad about the mom. Tell your girl everyday her mom loves her. Maybe one day she’ll be a healthy enough human to be a mom. Stay amazing and keep tough.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/25 01:26 AM
3

THIS! Also OP plz don’t get “forced” into doing things. That’s not healthy behavior for kids to see. Love yourself more. You don’t need outside validation or approval. Take lots of pics and videos and contemporaneous notes for the foreseeable future. Don’t overthink it. More is better. And always backup.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:41 AM
2

God plz block this charlatan spewing rubbish from this sub
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:23 AM
3

Read my whole comment and don’t send me semantics bullshit. Go be useful.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:07 AM
1

Not enough info here to go on. You can always tell a lawyer to pause for now and tell them directly you’re tying to save money on the process. Broadly though the least expensive way is to work with the ex and get something done - at least a custody or parenting plan. You could put something together and see if she’ll work with you on it. Email if IRL isn’t possible.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 05:04 AM
5

Gave it back and said if she wanted to it would be cool if she used money to do something cool for the kids. No shade on anyone else’s choices. My choice felt right for me and felt good.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:46 AM
6

PAUSE. STOP. People in general and family courts in particular know how 4 year olds are. These people have seen it all and are not morons. A video of a crying 4 year old will politely be laughed out of the room. ‘Is that all? Thanks’ is about how that will go. As you describe it SHE LOOKS NUTS. Now. It’s hard I know. It’s frightening beyond words bro to feel that the time and access to your kid is being threatened. God I know and I understand deeply. With that you need to be slow and thoughtful.…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:42 AM
5

You don’t need to let go of the anger. The anger isn’t wrong. The feelings are real and you should as you did here keep acknowledging and accepting them. Now the next step is what to do with this anger? Seeing it, accepting it and loving yourself enough to not be angry at yourself for being angry is another step. Fuck yeah you have a right to be mad! Breaking shit ain’t soothing for yourself or hurting yourself ain’t doing nothing. Channel the angry self and use it but don’t let it drive the car…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 04:27 AM
6

Never leave your house. Out building? Nope. She can go whenever. She can go to the out building. I know it may feel like the honorable dad and husband thing to do to leave and yet as you can see from all the comments it truly is the exact opposite. Never leave. It’s the strongest most honorable and best thing you can do for yourself your kids and your future selves. Love your kids enough to stay. You are a rock. A kind and chill rock.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 03:31 AM
1

It’s fine to use as a search term. It saved my life and I’m extremely grateful I hired a men centric firm. I lived it and the people I hired are professional and very serious. Idk what theoretical dumb lawyers the other folks are talking about. It’s a search term. You’re a big boy you can weed out the trash.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:39 AM
5

It’s awesome you quit smoking all the weed. Keep that up. Now stop talking about it. Saying it’s legal makes it worse too. Just shut the fuck up about it. Also STFU about you had some arguments a few times. I’m sure you were rude and she was rude too. Just STFU about your flaws and be easier on yourself. It’s weak and unhelpful. You need to be ready with a response to this potential BS from her, yes that part of it is good. Know how to destroy her BS with truth and simplicity DO NOT GIVE EXTRA E…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:25 AM
2

Man up. This is pusillanimous nonsense. If you want to leave she’s getting most of your money. If you can handle it tell her and work it out together. This is not going to go well for you when all you sound like is a whiney biach who is worried about money. You lived in the benefits of this explicit and implicit agreement and now YOU want to break that agreement so the impetus for action is on YOU. What SHE does or wants is not your problem anymore except in terms of child welfare. You’re paying…
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 06:06 PM
1

Pay the money. It’s good karma for YOU and you did get her time, you learned something and you have it on record that you used them so now your wife can’t. Lesson learned and be sure to ask next time. You got something and it’s only $200. Move on because you need the mental space for more important stuff. Are they being unscrupulous? Maybe. It’s a waste of energy to spend more time on it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:41 AM
3

Follow the advice above. Your child will resent you later. You will regret it until the day you die. Will staying be the strongest dad shit you will ever do? Yeah. You can do it. Leaving is not an option.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 12:46 AM
3

I know brother and I understand. It’s a small group. It does get better. It’s a feeling few can begin to grasp to have your children, your life, your entire reason for being a good human ripped from you by the person you put all your soul into loving. It has no equivalent. It’s meant to terrorize and I hear you. Know that it’s a small circle of understanding. You’ve lived through a physic terror meant to destroy you and by surviving and powering through it you are the strongest badest mofo these…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 10:55 PM
3

I would consider deleting all social media accounts and seeing how it feels for a while. You may come to realize you gain a lot more by removing these sites from your life and stop giving them your emotional energy. Give yourself this gift of time and energy and emotional strength. End of day you can always go back.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/25 12:26 AM
1

You’re in front of a door right now and it looks like the only way to go. The only thing to do is go through this door full of grief sadness and anger which are all legitimate and true feelings. All you can see is this door. It takes time and peace with yourself but when you see the door is simply in the middle of a giant field where you can run and play in any direction in any way you choose then you’re on the right path. Love and forgive yourself first and then you’re one step closer to see th…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/25 07:57 PM
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