TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

IrresponsibleInsect Archive

View 10 posts and 232 comments by IrresponsibleInsect on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

They already are. They absolutely destroy her house every time they are there. She doesn't help, because she treats them like shit and tries to buy their love with candy and soda as the primary foodstuff. The kids get all amped and then turn over furniture, empty the fridge onto the walls, and just engage in complete rebellion. Of course, she blames me for it... But instead of calling me to talk them down, she calls law enforcement and basically tells them she can't parent.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 02:39 PM
1

What country? I like how easy it is, but I have a feeling because it's so easy and boilerplate, there are a lot of unique dynamics that get screwed by this arrangement as well. Where I am in the US, what you describe is basically also what happens, but the parenting plan is either amicable, or seemingly more often, contentious, and then goes through steps of hearing, mediation, child interviews, hearing, child attorney, hearing, psych evals, hearing, possible home visits, hearing, trial and then…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 09:43 PM
3

I'm at 3 months from filing and our first actual court date is tomorrow for custody and child support. Filed an Ex Parte for emergency custody and the judge awarded ex temporary custody because the kids were in school there, despite a mountain of evidence showing it was hazardous for the children to live there. Then they booted custody jurisdiction to ex's county and kept the divorce in my county, where I filed. So we started over with an RFO in a podunk county that does family law 1 day a week …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 09:33 PM
7

I hate you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/26 09:27 PM
1

This is how they do it. They make you pay the essentials, refuse to pay their part, and buy luxury items for themselves. It's exploitation. Go to a domestic violence shelter for the restraining order, but I'll tell you right now, coercive control, verbal and emotional abuse, and "being mean" and all that only work if you are a woman. Men are not viewed the same when it comes to abuse. And that advice about not leaving the marital home needs to be taken with a grain of salt. You already said she'…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 05:16 PM
1

I'm assuming you have already tried reaching out to her. It's not a communication issue. It's a her being childish issue. This is manipulation with the goal of control. See it for what it is: "she’s trying to provoke a response (manipulation) to get me arrested or force me out (control)." Realistically goal #1 should be getting away from her. Yeah, if you leave, she "gets" the house, but what these dumbasses don't realize is "watts charges". Say she lives in the house for a year, when it comes t…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 02:32 PM
1

No one is going to care that you are recording it. Grey rocking makes things worse and is called "the silent treatment" when they do it. How are you trying to diffuse the situation? The best thing to do is to act like a preschool teacher with an out of control child that isn't yours. Smile. Point out the good in everything they do. And go on being the adult in the room. Don't let them take your humanity and sink yourself down to their level- that's what they are trying to do and you are letting …
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 05:00 AM
1

Please explain how one "forces" another to pay 70% of the bills. Or how it's abusive to remove cameras you don't consent to from your own home. I would wager that if this dude stopped provoking this woman, 90% of this would reduce down to fairly normal relationship conflict behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:33 PM
1

☝🏻
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:22 PM
1

r/silverbulletdivorce
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 02:20 PM
-2

This is wild. Aside from looking like AI slop, half the stuff you describe isnt abuse and your behavior is increasing the conflict and escalating instead of de-escalating and disengaging. Get off the narcissists band wagon. Those things are toxic AF. Even if they are a narc, the actions those people suggest make it 10x worse and make you sound like a whiney victim.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/26 04:13 AM
1

"her "word" is taken with a grain of salt further down the road" might be the missing value of paying $1000 and a half a day for 3 t-shirts, if her credibility being ruined ends up in sanctions or you getting more in other places.
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/26 03:02 PM
16

I went in pro se with 200 pages submitted. The judge ignored all of it. The OC claimed written agreements between her client and I didn't exist, agreements that the judge had and were properly served, and the judge ruled in their favor. OC literally dictated orders verbatim to the judge and the judge granted them. OC claimed I was trying to overwhelm the court with the volume of documentation. In my experience, judges punish pro se litigants, especially ones who submit too much. The custody orde…
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 11:44 PM
1

"dead weight that took me for a ride and then expects it after". There should be a spousal support provision for this scenario. Mine ran up tremendous debt, neglected our children while doing drugs with a social media addiction as a "SAHM"- leading our older children to raise the youngers while I was at work paying for it all, and never stopped complaining about needing more vacations and date nights to "fix" our marriage that she had checked out of a long time before that- specifically because …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/26 03:31 AM
3

Do yourself a favor and do the following; 1) Assume she is going to get a lawyer and file first. Assume and prepare for the worst and everything will go MUCH better for you and you won't get blindsided. 2) Look up the admissibility of non-consensual audio recordings in your jurisdiction. Your audio may not even be admissible to the case. 3) Look up the LEGAL definition of domestic violence, and, if included, coercive control in your jurisdiction. Be VERY aware that many jurisdictions will see em…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 08:44 PM
3

My wife did this, and then silver bullet. u/kg110569 is not wrong. The provoking a reaction then videoing it is textbook narcissist behavior. Mine has now resorted to doing it to our children as well. No kidding; screaming at them and provoking them, and then taking video of their reactions to "prove" I am alienating them from her and causing them to act this way. She even falsely accused our 16 year old of hitting her last week. Whatever you do, protect yourself. Where I am this is legally defi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:45 AM
1

Protect yourself as if there will be allegations, and go from there. Honestly though, I would try and fix the "we don't talk much" part. I'm sure neither of you wants to die alone, and a mediocre life together would be better than a mediocre life alone, IMO. It's amazing how much a simple, yet genuine "how was your day" means as we go through life... and someone for you to ask that to. We take the little things for granted and only understand once they are gone.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 12:21 AM
3

I wish I could have made it as far as you did. Still have 5 of 7 kiddos under 18. I filed after she went silver bullet with a restraining order. She seemed to be surprised by my filing, for some reason, and it ended up that everything she was looking to accomplish was actually what you do with a divorce, not a restraining order. We both dropped our filings and reconciled briefly. Then I filed again. She wouldn't go back on the false allegations of rape and DV... which is pretty much the only non…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 10:17 PM
1

I actually do want to talk about my 25 year with 7 bio children together marriage failing because she wanted to be 17. I would like the whole world to know.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 06:43 PM
2

Sorry bruh. No shame.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 03:10 AM
0

I mean it's like $40-80 to file where I am. File a request for orders pro se and simply write "I was not served and my address has not changed in fourty years, it is, and has been the same as is on my driver's license and previous court filings."
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 02:29 AM
2

This seems like a pretty easy thing to appeal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 01:16 AM
14

There has to be more to this story. If not, get an attorney ASAP and appeal on the basis that you were never served.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/26 12:40 AM
2

I did that same thing. Said never again. Thought I was done, and my brain is now wanting to relapse. Definitely more healing to do. It feels like it will never heal. Like that door will always be left, just a crack open, with a note on what it would require to actually come back in. A note I know she d never read and definitely never accomplish.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 10:49 PM
12

I've never been so addicted to anything in my life. I can literally stop anything cold turkey, no problem. She is toxic AF, honestly, the sex isn't even that great, but I programmed myself for 28 years to love her feeling, her face, her smell, her noises, everything. It's the worst addiction I've ever had to kick. Everyone here is right, it's a terrible idea with degrading self-respect. And there's a good chance I would probably do it. Disgusting.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 06:43 PM
1

I haven't had this attorney very long yet. I got them after the temporary orders were granted for my pro se ex parte for custody. We will see how they do at this next hearing. We're switching jurisdictions. The original jurisdiction issues temporary and then punted to the other jurisdiction. Ex is asking for the temporary to be continued as a temporary with the new jurisdiction until mediation, but is also asking for the temporary to be the new permanent as well. Mediation is where the rubber wi…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 05:27 PM
1

As much as I know this is usually the case, I don't think it's the case here. She doesn't talk to her attorney, have SEVERE anxiety about all of this, and VERY, VERY likely signs stuff blindly without looking at it. I've known this woman for 25 years. She's not cunning and conniving in any intelligent way, and when she is, it's abundantly clear because she gets so nervous she trips over herself and drops all of her tells all over the floor. I am definitely fighting it in court, but I am thinking…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 05:21 PM
1

I could 100% get her fired, but then her income goes to 0 while she "perpetually looks for work" and I get hit with way more child and spousal support. I've also reported her to every government agency, with evidence of wrong doing, but they turn a blind eye. Now her attorney is trying to use that in court as harassment claims. Be strategic or it can backfire.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 01:35 PM
2

Because they have a habit of saying stupid shit in writing that I can use against them... But being avoidant, if I don't initiate communication I won't ever hear anything. I didn't reach out in May and got 3 messages total, all of them stuff forwarded from the school that I had already received through the school. Law enforcement was at their house for child abuse and I heard about it through the kids, not them. They followed the court orders strictly and tried to hide that they had little to no…
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/26 03:28 AM
2

Mine probably is, but not sure about her mother and attorney, who might catch it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 07:24 PM
4

My strategy. Fight until there is nothing left to fight over, and make it clear that is your strategy. "I will liquitdate the house and give it to the attorneys before I will let you win". Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:20 PM
2

I hate you for this. Thank you. LMFAO I'll add the caveat- money is "easily" replaced, for some people, but realistically speaking, the more you spend on your divorce, it may save you A LOT going forward in child support, spousal support, and property division. Much easier to fight up front than to labor rebuilding from nothing later.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:18 PM
4

If you low ball it, doesn't that mean she could counter with a lowball offer on your low ball appraisal to buy you out instead? I've wondered if this could backfire.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:02 PM
1

That's basically what I'm doing. Piece by piece. Getting ready to upload stills from videos to inventory property and itemize with valuations. It's going to be more useful for trial than these RFOs. My understanding is that it all needs to be whittled down to a bare minimum accounting. The courts don't review hundreds of pages of submittals. I ve already given my attorney nearly 200+ pages of narratives of custody and my involvement from the children's births to yesterday. Dumbass ex literally d…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 03:38 AM
1

If anything, I have too much. Managing it is a nightmare. I'm gonna pay my attorney far more to weed through the mountains of documentation than I will for them to compile and present it to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:50 AM
6

I had a similar situation, except mine didn't contribute and celebrated how free and independent she was making "her" money while "our" money covered the bills. It left me feeling unappreciated and exploited. After trying to have rational discussions and set boundaries around it, I finally shut it down and demanded she start contributing to bills. She claimed to not have any $, hid her stubs, got her own bank account and hid that, and started ordering stuff to her work to conceal it. They call t…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 02:33 AM
1

The police reports really leave a lot to be desired. I've resorted to public records requests of body cam footage to prove events. They often conflict with the reports.
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 05:25 PM
3

They don't even have to prove it. Mine made false allegations or rape and DV from 9 years ago, got temporary orders issued- taking the house, the kids, the car, all the possessions, etc. Then dropped the restraining order the day of trial because she had 0 evidence. The status quo was established as me living elsewhere and the kids going to school where she lives. She now spouts the narrative "when he moved out" in the divorce proceedings. She had me kicked out with false DV allegations, I didn'…
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/26 03:29 PM
1

They need to reign in this TRO bs. And more awarding attorney fees to the more reasonable party. 2 TROs and 8 motions sounds overly litigious.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:30 PM
2

Whoa whoa whoa, slow down with your logic and reason sir or madam.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:10 PM
1

I get the congratulations, finally, insincere "I'm sorry to hear", etc.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 04:12 AM
3

What's funny is that I completely scrubbed gender from what I wrote and you were able to guess who was who. Family court needs to be replaced or overhauled. Not abolished... And I'm a pretty staunch Libertarian. Lol. I can only imagine what justice would look like with my ex's mother bankrolling whatever form of "justice" would come under some type of anarchistic system. Not completely sure what the solution is, but I think some level of accountability for the judges would go a long way. The jud…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/26 03:38 AM
4

In my case it was an only child raised by her narc mom and alienated from her dad. Unironically, dad now blatantly ignores when my older kids tell him- she s doing the same thing to our dad as your ex did to you! He continues to support his little girl. Parents $ is paying the bills, attorneys, repairs, etc. while ex complains to the kids and anyone who will listen how broke she is... While showing up with wild frivolous purchases. Literally just bought a $300 TV and complained she couldn't affo…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:40 PM
6

She never even paid our bills when we were married! Lmfao I gave mine the task of paying the bills with money I made, so she would feel like she was contributing. The amount of late fees was insane. I took it back over and just lived with the "you're controlling" narrative for years. Every now and then I'd throw some some simple task her way to see if she had matured. Nope. The last one was a dental bill for $130. Her half, I paid the other half, because she repeatedly took the kids to a dentist…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:34 PM
3

Yeah. Social media is programming them to destroy the nuclear family. Super sad.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 05:36 AM
1

I married a virgin. A big part of why we re divorcing is because 25 years later she decided she didn't want to die having only had sex with 1 other person. Burning our family down over that.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:35 AM
1

Ah shit. Time to start another account and purge this one. Thanks for the reminder. 😆🤷
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 04:28 AM
3

Huh?
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 02:29 AM
1

Precisely. Last marriage counsellor put it nicely, "what I'm hearing is that you don't want to be her father". Yep. Today, for instance, kiddo has a doctor appointment for immunizations to be able to go to school next year. I told her about it a month ago, when I made the appointment at the last one she wasn't at. Since then she temporarily has been given basically full custody because she lives closer to the school. I went to the school today, knowing damn well she forgot about the appointment.…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 07:12 PM
1

True AND in my situation she also said I was controlling. Lmfao Like, my options are everything is out of control or I take control. I want nothing more than to float through life without the responsibility of total control.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 05:00 PM
2

She's run the whole scheme- it's the birth control messing with her hormones, then it's perimenapause, then midlife crisis, then she's on the spectrum, OCD, post-partum depression, and multiple more. Never a diagnosis because she was concerned I would use it against her. And I absolutely would because she's fucking nuts. The common thread- these were all excuses to justify her behavior, never a starting point for healing towards better behavior, which is the sole reason I would use a diagnosis a…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 04:27 PM
2

Nah, like, you on tinder, going to the bar, meeting them at church, word of mouth through mutual acquaintances, etc. If one isn't working, switch it up.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 02:00 AM
4

Maybe you're coming on too strong? Start with the flings. Move to the second dates. Then a third. Then a GF. Gonna scare em off if you lead with the punch. If you can't get a 2nd or 3rd date, you gotta reflect on the 2 possibilities- 1) it's you, or 2) your pool sucks. Both of those are fixable.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:41 AM
2

Hence the "most of the time". Sometimes you bring a gun to a drug deal and you end up in a fire fight. Pure speculation here, but anecdotally and judging by this and other subs, the odds of an armed drug deal going well are far better than a lawyered divorce being amicable.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 01:38 AM
1

Definitely option 2. Somehow they choose door number 3- burn it all down. Hooray! Attorney's all win, kids lose the biggest and we walk away with nothing but scars.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 12:41 AM
5

There's more to it than that. Simply put, I was her first, she never wanted kids, and she found herself at 43 in a midlife crisis and perimenopause, wanting some strange, not wanting children, and with me being fed up with having taken care of (or enabled) a 17 year old for 25 years and demanding accountability and responsibility... so she went off the deep end. I tried very, very, very hard to keep it together, and in the end I had to file for my safety and sanity. There's definitely some menta…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 12:40 AM
2

Yee. There's 8 against 1 now. She gonna lose, eventually. The courts are slow and biased against those with peni.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:25 PM
13

Mine tried that and I was like, TF no. I was a controlling narcissist then for letting "letting her be who she wanted to be." Go figure. Who she wanted to be was not a married mother of 7.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:13 PM
7

Shit, I wanted to stay married and just asked for a decent human being to cohabitate and raise kids with. She decided I was asking too much and went with the false allegations of DV and a restraining order. She dropped the restraining order because it was bogus, but maintained the allegations. So I filed pro se. She lawyered up. I lawyered up. We at war now and the children are absolutely miserable in her care, temporarily.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 05:21 PM
13

I feel like "high conflict" and "both parties have attorneys" go hand and hand most of the time. But if one party lawyers up, the other party better follow suit... so basically one party being high conflict automatically pushes the other party to become adversarial as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:42 PM
3

Yet if the opposing party has one, you almost certainly need one as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:41 PM
1

Mine dropped mine the day of trial when I offered reconciliation... She had 0 evidence and I had submitted hundreds of pages. Suffice to say the next 6 months were her trying to continue the exploitation and I wasn't having it. Then she stood her ground on the accusations and I got on my nopercycle and rode TF on outta there.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 02:43 AM
2

Google "Watts Charges". Get a lawyer. Focus on staying calm, collected, and strategic. Avoid a restraining order or silver bullet divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:22 AM
2

Got me out of the house too. I left with the kids when she got drunk and abusive. A week and a half later she hit me with a temp restraining order based on BS and took the house, the kids, and the car. It's called the "silver bullet divorce" Google it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 12:21 AM
3

I get that. How old is she? Get her a phone and have her send you photos. Or get a skylight. Find something, anything else so you don't rely on your ex for your relationship with your child. She can, will, and is using that to hurt you.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 06:08 PM
2

How does not blocking her help your daughter?
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:23 PM
5

Block her on everything and avoid any information about her whatsoever. She s probably doing this specifically to set you off or lie to herself and both are working.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:15 PM
3

Mine got to the point where I had guilt for staying. The kids were begging me to leave her.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 05:00 AM
3

7 kids, they all support me. In due time I'll get them and this dumb biznotch will die alone. Karma is a MF, and not even the family court system can save you from that. 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:59 PM
2

You're not wrong. I'm raising my daughters to have empathy and appreciation for what they have and are given as 2 pinnacles, in addition to being self-reliant.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:54 PM
2

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 09:52 PM
16

Exploitation is the name of the game. Worked my ass off for 25 years supporting her while she did drugs, lied, and put herself before the children and family every. Single. Time. I brought home the $ AND took care of the house, and the older children basically raised the younger ones. The last 10 years or so I began figuring it out and making moves to try to force her to do more and be accountable. She got 10x worse. I was in the final blows of cutting off any reliance I had on her- driving the …
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 05:17 PM
4

Yeah. We will see. So far I'm under temporary custody orders giving me 4 days a month with the 4 littlest kids, and she has them the rest of the time. I call them every morning and every night and they bawl. They want to live with me. Our teenager lives with me and is refusing to visit her, even though the court order puts him there 4 days a month. Our 2 adult children have given up on their mother and fully support me. Our first grandchild is a month and a half old and my ex has yet to meet the…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 03:01 PM
5

From my personal experience, though I saw it coming a mile away; - when you go to therapy and she agrees to things verbally, but you do all the work, and when you go back to therapy she makes excuses as to why no follow through. It feels extremely exploitative and manipulative- she agrees to get you to give more, she doesn't give more, and at the end of the day, you're giving 2x, she s giving the same as she was in the beginning, and somehow it's your fault. - roommates 100%. Or you start to see…
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 12:45 PM
1

What the... "having amazing sex with her mother's affair partner's ex wife." There's plenty of fish in the s... Wait- there's one! Take my fucking slow clap sir. Kudos. 👏 👏 👏
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 03:36 AM
9

This comment is Reddit gold.
/r/Divorce_Men30/05/26 02:49 AM
3

I getcha and I have empathy, which is why I don't actually respond like that; it would be incredibly insensitive. It's more commentary on the choice of wording, less on the question itself.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 07:31 PM
3

Well played. ❤️
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 04:33 PM
13

I'm in a unique situation with 2 adult children (19 & 21), a teen (16), and 4 littles (7-12), all biological between both of us. It's unique because the older 3 children vividly remember the last 10-15 years. They remember that I was the buffer between them and their mother. They remember that I was the one sacrificing for their best interests. I was the one funding everything AND taking care of the house. I was the one holding their mother accountable when she failed at basic mothering. I was t…
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/26 03:55 PM
–

An attorney told me that the sad truth is that emotional abuse works to get restraining orders for women and not for men. My experience has been similar- most everything she says is taken for her word, even when I have documentation to refute it... And meanwhile everything I say is taken with a grain of salt, again, even when I have documentation to back it up. Look at coercive control laws in your state. That's your best best if you have actual evidence.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:11 AM
1

How did you use the false report as justification to file for an order of your own? Were you able to prove it was false or she just couldn't prove it was true?
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 02:08 AM
8

Clone please. Apparently asking for half of this is abusive now... As is not working your ass off as the man.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/26 08:03 AM
2

One side always improves finances during a divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/26 04:32 PM
1

This 100%. Take them places, notice what they show an interest in. Figure out their style and either let them pick stuff or surprise them with random stuff that fits their style.
/r/Divorce_Men21/05/26 11:50 PM
1

I'll gladly pay for it. Our kids are not safe with that woman.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 03:51 AM
1

I'm asking for supervised visitation as my starting point, knowing damn well I'm not going to get it. Let's start there. 5 kids want to live with me, 2 adult children support me, somehow she has 86% custody on a temporary order, because SHE wouldn't communicate about a schedule, while we wait for mediation and a custody hearing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 02:20 AM
8

Fuck equal. I'm going for full custody with every other weekend for her, and we can negotiate back to 50/50. People asking for 50/50 to "try and be reasonable" with an unreasonable court, ex, attorneys, and system, end up negotiating with 50/50 as the starting point. How are they getting these crazy 86/14% splits (every other weekend) awarded in mom's favor and mom's sticking to this "be reasonable" standard? They're not. They walk in the court as if it is their right to get 86% and anything els…
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/26 01:35 AM
5

You've got some solid trust issues on your hands and no children. Divorce her now or you'll be making this same decision later, with children.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 03:15 PM
9

I did this for around 19 years. I was to blame for everything, even though I provided and supported her any way I could. The issue was her motivation, initiative, and follow through... And her external locus of control instead of an internal locus of control. She leached and leached and leached and now she's continuing to try to leach via the courts. Do a bunch of research and prepare thoughtfully if you'd decide to pull the trigger. She is the primary caregiver and unemployed. The court will gi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 12:24 AM
1

I will rent a dive suit, go to the lake, dive to the bottom of the lake, retrieve all of those firearms and gold stack I had that was lost in that unfortunate boating accident, sell them, as well as everything else I own, to fight for my children before I roll over and let them be raised by this pitiful excuse of a human being. And if that sounds extreme, it's because it is. I will go to war for my children.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 09:40 PM
1

Hey! Leave that fantastic show out of this. And you're not wrong. Lol
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 06:22 PM
4

Yeah. Nuclear family with absent dad... And I would hear a lot of "I worked all day". Yeah, me too, and I showed up to run the program in the evenings.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 04:06 PM
12

When you watch a woman destroy a family, neglect her children, and turn, in the most godaweful and hideous ways, on the one person who swore an oath and allegiance to her to the end, all out of shear selfishness and spite, then you will see the wisdom in this. Especially when you see her mother circle the wagons to join in the destruction with O insight or empathy for the children. That being said, I hate gross generalizations and posit that there are women who are not like that. There are also …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:33 PM
1

As much as I hate the scenario, I love the way you put that. In my case, and I think in a lot of others, she's just too dumb to realize what she's doing. Mine filed for a bogus restraining order and was surprised when I contested it. Then started complaining that it was taking too long a month in. She was under the impression they were going to do custody, visitation, division of assets, everything expedited in less than 30 days because "domestic violence". Now in a dissolution, she's doing the …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 12:11 AM
3

You make it sound so simple. ❤️ A high conflict divorce is a walk away from everything or fight to the bitter end deal. You won't get a spoon if you don't fight for it. There are a lot of $5,000 spoons out there in divorce land.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:29 PM
3

🤢 So true.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 10:25 PM
1

How did the 2 years end and what would you do differently?
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 12:05 AM
1

It was tempting. The children cheered when I ceremoniously took of my wedding ring the day after filing.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 08:54 PM
9

Fuck no. The kids gave her cards that said "we want to live at dads" and drew on her walls with a sharpie "we don't want to be here". I knew about none of it before hand, didn't encourage anything but love and respect for their mother, and didn't condone that behavior when I heard about it through a third party, but they are not blind and have formed their own opinions about her behavior. 🤷
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:49 PM
1

Gotcha. Thank you! My problem is where TF this attorney $ come from. Lol. People are like "get an attorney" like money grows on trees. She absolutely ruined my credit and ran up a lot of debt before going silver bullet, then I used the rest of my available credit on $18k worth of attorney fees with the DVRO, which the attorneys did nothing useful, short of 1 golden $500 consult. I did the opposite of what the attorneys suggested, and she dropped it... But I still have the debt, no credit left, a…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/26 06:50 AM
1

Explain the logic in this to me; "yes I had an attorney. Did they do anything of great value for me, not really. However once the eX lawyer-ed up I had no choice but to get one too." You had a choice, and chose to get an attorney, at presumably great expense to you, who did nothing of great value. How does that make any sense?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:50 PM
1

Did you have an attorney and do you think an attorney would have made or did make a difference in your case?
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 11:15 AM
1

The color of justice is indeed green.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 06:28 AM
0

It was ex parte filed back in early April, a week after the dissolution filing requesting that the children didn't return to her house after I had them for spring break due to significant concerns about the dilapidated structure, and ongoing, imminent issues with the children. I'm talking holes in the floors and roof of the house, broken windows in the children's bedroom with shards of glass loosely hanging above their toy box, significant mold in a bathroom that was causing whole body rashes on…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 12:11 AM
0

I appreciate your use of the word just. Just commit to $15k retainer and the cost of a house over the life of the divorce to let the lawyers do the dance in the judges dance floor... With marginal success at best. Where are people getting all these funds for attorneys? I have $18k in debt from attorneys who did nothing for my silver bullet restraining order. I ended up negotiating it being dropped without them, by doing the exact thing they told me not to.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:34 PM
0

I'll get that debt split eventually, it's just a motion for order and hurry up and wait for the court date game. Honestly, is it worth it to hire an attorney for $25k to get her to take $25k of debt? What's the point? It wasn't the format or the volume. I literally had stuff printed out too, that was filed and served, and held it up and they ignored it. I'm leaning towards hiring a court reporter because I don't think if there was a play by play record of what happened it would have gone that wa…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 11:29 PM
1

You really think a lawyer will help? I'm already shouldering $50k in community debt she refuses to acknowledge. A trip to Hawaii is literally 6 hours with an attorney, which won't get me shit. I honestly don't think a lawyer would have made any difference whatsoever. That judge didn't give 2 shits.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 09:52 PM
2

I'm paying all of our community debt payments, doesn't leave much left for attorney payments. I just racked up $18k fighting a frivolous silver bullet restraining order until she dropped it. The attorneys literally did nothing. I'd rather spend any $ I can muster up on a vacation and self care than an attorney in a super high conflict divorce. I honestly don't think an attorney would have made any difference at all. 0, except they d still take my $. That is to say, my choices were to lose and go…
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/26 08:38 PM
1

Consult with local attorneys for 2 reasons, 1 to know what you're in for, and 2 because every attorney you consult with she can't get. Knock those heavy hitters off the opposing council list. Prep your list of questions and take notes. Utilize every minute of that time. Expect to pay $1k for this. I hit 5 of the highest rated in my area over 3 years and put out almost $2k. Well worth it, and they scared me enough to make me REALLY work on the marriage and genuinely try. I was already super kid c…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 04:59 AM
4

1) Pull the credit report. 2) Sit her down with the credit report and address that, as well as the lack of sex and general bad mood. Tell her this is a heart to heart to see if it's salvageable. You love her, the kid, yada yada yada, communicate and see what comes of it. Get some solid verbal commitments so you can then watch the behavior and see if the verbal was sincere. 3) You need time to prepare. Start researching now, get your ducks in a row. Set a date: 6 months to a year out. This is d d…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:23 AM
1

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/26 02:18 AM
2

Yeah the "you had fun and I wasn't a part of it" is real too... In my case she was a Debbie downer, didn't contribute to anything, and was wholly unappreciative. The kids straight told me to stop taking her on vacations because she ruined them. She d spend the whole trip home talking about what she wanted to do next instead of being grateful for what we just did. So I left her home on vacations. 🤷 She wasn't happy about that. Hopeful, I brought her on another vacation, 0 change to her behavior. …
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 03:45 PM
3

Read 7 habits of highly effective people. Learn the balance between selflessness and selfishness. Be good, do nice things for others, but also have boundaries, and do nice things for you. Communicate. Learn how to master that. Take a class on emotional intelligence. Master that too. Take love language tests and personality tests, figure out who TF you are. Then celebrate the wins and fix the losses. Commit to everyday small steps to being better today than you were yesterday. Easy peasy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 01:58 AM
7

Did you spend "her money" on it, that you made, that was direct deposited into your account, and was left over after you paid all or a majority of the bills? You. Greedy. Bastard.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 05:00 PM
10

I once found an "abuse log" that said I moved her ficus. Gasp I moved a potted plant and she did not consent. Instant restraining order. 25 years of this shit.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:11 PM
8

Blood and piss on the toilet seat. I get it, everyone does it inevitably in our long lives, but knowing that, watch for it and clean up after yourself like a civilized human. And then getting blamed for piss on the seat. Bruh, I put the seat up. It was there last night, you're the one who goes pee 80 times a night, no one else used the bathroom... GTFO.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 02:09 PM
2

Hey, your wife called you a narcissist too? Lmfao Welcome to the club brotha.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 12:39 AM
1

Seriously. I have 7 kids with her, 21 to 7. The 21, 19, and 16 year old see it clearly and then they talk about it with the others. It's like their own little clique and there's nothing either of us can do to stop them from chatting amongst each other. She tells them specifics about court and then she says the kids know court details because I'm telling them, and all of the kids are like- no, mom told us that. It's a nightmare. One of the children's therapists accused me of alienation because ou…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:42 PM
2

When it is part of a bigger pattern, if you do anything but "so what" you become a cog in the high conflict aspect. I'm not saying your wrong. I just genuinely don't understand how to avoid perpetuating the high conflict dynamic when your ex is high conflict and you try to have those important boundaries to safeguard the children. I'm having similar issues with a super high conflict ex. I don't want to perpetuate the high conflict, but I also don't think it's helpful in the long run to just let …
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 05:17 AM
2

So what's the low conflict way to deal with it? I feel like ignoring it and saying "so what" is the least impact to the child, and calling law enforcement is the biggest impact to the child... Depending, of course. If the child is bothered by it, then what? Most kids these days are tracked by their phones. The argument then becomes one of kind, not degree- i.e. using an air tag vs a phone, rather than tracking vs no tracking.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 04:41 AM
5

I get all that, but ethics aside, all that matters in the legal scheme of things and your ability to do anything about it is whether the court will act on it. If it's not breaking a law, they may allow it and you get to just search for them and play games right back.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 02:08 AM
3

Is that illegal where you are? I don't think it's illegal where I am, but there are standing custody orders that say you can't use a tracker to track the kid while they are with the other parent. No restriction on the tracker itself, just the use, which would basically have to have the other parent claim something in court they wouldn't know without the tracker. 100% my ex uses my daughters tracker while she s with me. IDGAF. Anything bad she wants to rat me out for, like speeding, she would div…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 11:07 PM
4

I don't mean to minimize your situation, and I'm half joking but generally speaking, the courts and the ex are the biggest sources of your worth. When they take everything you have and give it to her, it's an eye opener- Damn, I didn't realize I had that much to give! Get out and meet people! There is more to life. Join clubs, talk to people at work, go to a bar (don't drink), sport event, or something else. Become a regular somewhere. Start reading some books like how to win friends and influen…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 01:24 PM
2

Take everyone's advice here. You move and she will be in that house for years while you fight through the courts to get her out. Happened to my brother, friend, and now it's happening to me. I left with the kids when she was flipping out, totally intending to go back. This MF lied and got a temporary restraining order granted, took the kids, the house, the car, everything. We reconciled and the restraining order was dropped. We were working on moving back in together, and things fell apart again…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 05:18 AM
2

Half as valuable, but when I tried to hire a housekeeper to pick up the slack, she got upset because it would show the court she was fucking useless.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:47 PM
1

They define it in the article "actively sacrifice emotional intimacy to extract financial resources from their partners". It's not simply going after people who can provide. It's more than that.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 08:45 PM
7

This sub needs more comedy in it... so I'm going to just put this here: Please someone say "when I found out on our honeymoon that she lied about not having a penis".
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:11 AM
7

I coulda wrote this. Only thing I would add is that I'm not sure mine is capable of loving anyone. The way she treats our children has me really doubting it. Everything is a means to her ends. The children are pawns in her games. The pets are bargaining chips. The property is all hers. And in the end she proclaims- why is the world like this to me!? The architect of her own demise and a victim forevermore. It just makes my effed up codependent ass love her even more. I get filled with sorrow and…
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 12:09 AM
3

I tried again for the kids. We made it 5 months. It was a shit show with me doing all the emotional labor and them listing demands like they were the prize. During one fight with them I literally told them "you know I am valuable and there are people out there who appreciate me" because they were treating me like garbage. I got my grievances down to one item that was non-negotiable. They siezed the opportunity and stuck to their guns, while also claiming they wouldn't file, I would have to do it…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 11:02 PM
2

Not sure where you are but 14 is the age when kids get a say in my state. My understanding is that there are 2 theories- 1 is that judges like the more reasonable party, but there is a lot of grey area there and it's highly judge dependent, and 2 is that you start balls to the wall on your side and negotiate back to 50/50. If you start with 50/50 to be nice, you will almost certainly bargain from there and lose. Whatever you do, show consistency and the best interests of the children always.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 09:35 PM
1

5 minutes after I decided that was exactly what I was going to do. If a thought slips in, I picture the worst and tell myself- it's not if, but when. There. Be done with it. Blocked her on all social media and deleted my caches everywhere so she doesn't show up in my searches. Purged her picture from my phone. Changed her contact picture to the letter of her name and moved the shortcut all the way to the farthest reaches of my home screens- swipe all the way left, then there, at the bottom, by i…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/26 05:06 AM
3

Came here to say this. I'd be getting a CCW and a restraining order yesterday.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 01:14 PM
1

Been in therapy for 8 years because of my toxic AF marriage. It REALLY helps IF 1) you are honest, 2) you actually give a shit and work on yourself, and 3) the therapist is a good fit for you. The validation about my plight, the return to reality after being systematically gas lit repeatedly, and the endless perspectives and angles I tried to fix the relationship were priceless.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 04:26 AM
15

Both. Alcohol was a great escape from the abuse. 99% of the time when we got drunk together, which was essentially every Friday night, sometimes Saturday nights too, we had a great time and were closer than ever. We had honest conversations, danced, sang karaoke, and made music together. Many times when we were fighting and I needed space, if I had a drink, the need for space changed to the need for affection, hugs, touch, cuddles. This often broke the silence during a feud. L Then there were th…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 05:48 AM
2

The kids cheered when I took mine off the day after filing. I actually have theirs because they pawned it years ago and I bought it back. I use it for witchcraft.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 10:57 PM
3

Crippling your child's father financially and doing nothing about it is like item #3 in the "bad mother" department, right below beating him at #1, and false accusations of rape and/or domestic violence at #2. Your kids are seeing her use the system to enslave you. There is nothing "good mother" about that.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:16 AM
1

Community property state. Her name isn't on it just because she's been too lazy to go down to the notary for 11 years. But it's irrelevant because community property state.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/26 08:38 PM
6

Never say always or never.
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 07:59 PM
0

My understanding is that the quickest and easiest way to finalize a divorce is to either just not show up to any hearings ever, or give a written statement saying you will agree to anything to end it quickly. Simply walking away causes default judgements in their favor, but you may get reamed in spousal and child support and might be surprised at what happened when they serve you with "final" orders. You can choose to appeal them at that time, but not showing up for the process might hurt your c…
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 04:34 PM
5

Yes to all. It helps if they have a well off family to fund the attorney. Is there such thing as a high conflict divorce when there aren't attorneys?
/r/Divorce_Men12/04/26 05:38 AM
7

Invest more in that prenump son!
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 11:46 PM
2

Ironically, I am a building official and also use grok to plan check your grok'd engineering... with human double checking of course. 😂
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 08:24 PM
1

Has the court ordered a tracking app? That will likely keep her messages shorter if she knows there is an easy way for them to end up in court. Otherwise, designate 15 minutes a day to checking the messages. Respond only with critical info, as short as possible- "received", "acknowledged", "I do not agree". Etc. Keep her muted so you only check it on your schedule, and only delegate that small time. If that keeps being problematic, have the courts put a stop to it via an anti-harassment order.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 08:22 PM
2

Just use AI for recommending relevant evidence, motions, potential courses of action, sanctions, etc. Automating any communication with her through AI is a horrible idea because it does hallucinate and you would be on the hook for anything crazy that came out of it. I would just communicate the bare minimum necessary info and ignore everything else. And actually, if you just ask your question to Grok, it will advise you on how to handle the situation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:15 PM
3

2nd this. I actually asked Grok and Chat GPT to compare each other to one another, and they both favored Grok for highly technical projects and Chat for art. I've been using Grok and it's great.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/26 01:12 PM
22

Because we're better than them, and by them, I don't mean women, I mean the specific women running those groups. Every good man is better with a good woman, and every good woman is better with a good man. It's everyone else that's the problem.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/26 07:28 AM
11

Welcome to the patriarchy. /s Still looking for my white male privilege too. I think when I was born they gave my parents a coupon instead.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:36 PM
9

If you leave because of lack of reciprocity, lack of partnership, and they ran up communal debt without a care in the world about the other half of the marriage,You. Pay. Dearly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 01:35 PM
1

3 hours!? Where I am, the standard is $500/hour. Many have a 2 hour minimum. If they're asking about MSC/TRC, they very well may already be bankrupted or close to it. DIY might be the only option left, short of selling a kidney.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 03:43 PM
1

That's a $500-$1000 question for an attorney. If you can get an answer from Reddit, by all means, why wouldn't you?
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 05:12 AM
2

100% document TF out of that stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 06:08 PM
3

A lot of places forego alimony if you can prove adultery as well.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 03:14 PM
7

That's going to cost an absolute fortune for a lawyer to go through all of that. I used AI to categorize mine on a spreadsheet and then provided the top items and the spreadsheet, asking about the questionable ones, and holding on to the rest for evidence should it come up. Don't inundate an attorney with information overload. It'll bankrupt you in time and money as they sift through it.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 03:13 PM
12

I would immediately count this as a win and major fuck up on her part. I bet that level of lack of discretion reflected more poorly on her, and her attorney, than the actual incident reflected on him. It most likely helped his case. Who TF wants kids being raised by someone like that!?
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 08:11 PM
5

What I see here is a SAHM who finally figured out how to manage the domestic duties and a man who is finally able to relax in a clean house after a long hard day also leveraging his intelligence and labor to accomplish difficult tasks that paid for everything she's holding as well as the house she's in, not to mention that he picked up a 2-liter and pizza on the way home because he knew she was wasting all her time getting ready for this photo instead of cooking dinner... Note how the man choose…
/r/EverydayMisandry11/03/26 08:48 PM
7

Point in fact- is said mother a POS?
/r/Divorce_Men10/03/26 12:50 AM
1

If the TCPO granted no contact for 1 year and they are leveraging it for custody, you are not mutually settling a TCPO. You are consenting to the granting of an actual restraining order for the term of 1 year and are now just negotiating the terms of the RO. Mutual settlement means they drop that thing and you work out custody, etc. in dissolution proceedings. Anything other than her dropping the restraining order or taking it through the process to prove it is frivolous is going to hurt future …
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/26 04:57 PM
1

2 adults, 19 & 21. 5 minors 7-16. All 7 are on my side. Yes they are all 7 biologically both of ours. At the pace we were going with the restraining order, it was looking like probably 12-18 MONTHS before their testimony would have gotten to court. The day of the trial, the 2 adults showed up with me, intending to testify against her, and that's the day it got dropped. I think this would be a distinct advantage for custody in a divorce, should we go there; 2 adults, 2 at or over 14 which is the …
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 12:12 AM
6

This is fucking gold. Thank you. My experience with silver bullet has been similar... They make wild accusations, ask for everything... Then offer to drop the order in exchange for essentially everything... And then they dial it back from there. I got a TRO dropped by my spouse in exchange for agreeing that I wouldn't move the kids from our house without her permission or a court order, and I would drop my dissolution filing. Yeah, reconciliation, but that's far more predictable in a silver bull…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 05:02 PM
3

Sorry for bringing it up and reminding you about it. Fucking sucks. I just wanted to say that, I feel ya.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 08:15 AM
3

I wish we would label the visitation by days per month. You're getting 2.5 days 3x a month, which is around 8 out of 31 days a month. Fucking brutal man. I'm sorry.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 07:21 AM
2

Surprisingly enough, I went through pretty much what you went through, but she got an entry level job and I make 3x what she does. I slowly started refusing to pay for her luxury and only covered mandatory living expenses while demanding that she contribute more. I got every level of resistance, from pawning her wedding ring, to constant passive aggressiveness, to allegations of abuse, culminating in a silver bullet attempt with a bogus restraining order. I continued paying the living expenses a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 10:37 PM
8

Such a common story. I could have written this.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 08:12 PM
2

Same. LMFAO. When her extended family hits you up and invites you out for beers because they want to hear your side of the story because she didn't give any details whatsoever (to maintain her unrealistic victim mentality and protect her ego) and they have more faith in your character than hers. Also supported by her mother... The mother who has been excommunicated from family functions with the extended family. Lmfao.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:04 AM
20

I support trash t-shirts like this, it puts a self imposed label on the type of person who would wear one, which I find very enlightening.
/r/EverydayMisandry23/02/26 12:09 AM
4

I was gonna say, red flag when people prioritize their wants over the kids' needs.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 11:55 PM
4

I'm in. When and where?
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 05:56 PM
2

Google it. It's an epidemic.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 09:34 PM
2

I hate that the feeling of this is that as a dad you have visitation and not custody. It's a fair assumption for an unfair system. But 100% true across the board. And to further your point, this instability is precisely what silver bullet restraining orders aim to create. They knock you off your feet abruptly and put you on the defense hoping you'll lose hope when going into the following divorce that's already rigged against you. Routine is stability and the quicker you create a routine of heal…
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 03:55 PM
2

I went from a cot to a blow up queen to finally getting my king from our house (it was a gift to me). They bought a new full. The 4 little kids hate them for it because now all of the kids still get to cuddle with me in bed and watch TV and ex has to rotate the children out because the bed is too small for all of them. Ex prioritized themselves over their family and the kids saw it and resent them for it. But the real answer is to get a bed that fits your life. It should fit the room, fit your n…
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/26 04:42 PM
3

I've been in this same situation for years... But with a bunch of kids, and she drives. If you want to give it an honest effort, and everything other than what you described is good enough to stay, set some firm goals and don't use the word "divorce". Simply say, "I need to stop being your personal chauffeur by x date, this means you need to get your license and I am willing to help, and even pay (if you're willing to)." Period. No negotiation, focus on what you need. If she misses the date but …
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 02:22 PM
21

It's really very simple. A main trait of Narcissism is a lack of empathy for others. When someone treats you like shit, as is typical immediately preceding a divorce, you tend to lose empathy for them. Therefore you look like a narcissist. From there, it's all moving the goalposts- if you're successful, it's proof you're a narc, if you are not successful it's proof you're a narc, and so on. Everything is proof you are a narcissist. If you give in and try to please them, you're being manipulative…
/r/Divorce_Men02/02/26 01:15 AM
0

Braces are not medically necessary most of the time- according to the insurance. They are considered cosmetic, even though most orthodontists consider them something more like preventative healthcare with a cosmetic side effect. I would argue they are medically necessary, if not physically, then for the child's mental well-being. My teeth were jacked and I can't imagine going through life dealing with the physical and mental side effects. I've paid out of pocket for braces for 3 kids so far and …
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/26 04:38 AM
3

The person you cared about either died or never existed anywhere but in your mind. You are witnessing someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 01:20 AM
19

I literally asked for "communication" as my gift for holidays. Lmfao. Asked for communication in marriage counselling. "Any verbal communication" instead of the constant onslaught of passive aggressiveness for months at a time while responding to "what's wrong" with "nothing". One marriage counsellor asked "what's one thing each of you can do this week to make the other happy". She wanted a weekly date night. I wanted 1 hour of her talking to me while I sat quietly and listened. I delivered, she…
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 04:38 AM
4

Solid advice! WAY better than, "your SO is a narcissist and you should take the kids and leave, never stay for the kids." As if the better parent ends up with the kids and one person's ability to say, do, and buy what they want is their sacred right.
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/25 04:26 PM
3

Agreed. I think she is in a perpetual midlife crisis/perimenapause that keeps ramping up with various triggers. Her parents passing will add to those triggers and fuel her with inheritance to use the courts how she pleases. I hope that's not the case, but I know it is a very realistic possibility.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 04:30 PM
3

No indication from wife that she intends to file later, actually indications to the contrary. Her mother was bankrolling her attorney, though she was claiming it was a loan and not a gift so they could attempt to go after me for attorney fees. I'm sure her mother is thrilled at reconciliation. If she wanted to proceed with a divorce, I already had one filed and made it clear I was out of $ and credit for an attorney. She could have pushed forward with her attorney and me without one and continue…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 10:48 PM
4

The law reads very vague. Basically 14 for sure, but younger if the court thinks the kid is mature enough to choose. Of course, you have to pay for those assessments and either mediation or psych eval to get the children's testimony in front of the judge, and it takes months. The particular court I was dealing with is a very small court in a very rural jurisdiction. They do family court 1x per week and each court date is typically 2-3 months out. So they order mediation, mediation happens, media…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 07:57 PM
3

It's not about how I feel. It's about my ability to maximize my time with my children. I can change my feelings no matter the situation, I control those. I can't control my time with the children if the courts are involved. I can control my time with the children if the courts are not involved. We have a limited number of hours on this earth, my goal is to maximize the hours I have with my children. Not to mention, biting the bullet in 7 years when the youngest is 14 and can choose where they li…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 03:25 PM
5

Thank you for your support. I know the odds are not favorable, but I went from seeing the kids 11 hours a week with no overnights, to having had them for 11 days straight now, and our runaway immediately returned home and is living with me full time now. Say what you will, but my goal was as much time with my children as possible and my decisions are accomplishing that goal. There was no path forward that was going to end well for me or for them, this is the least damage, considering.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:26 PM
3

This IS my life. I just have to own it. I made decisions that got me here. I chose to be a dad. I chose to have kids with her, gambling on the idea that she would change and mature as we grew old together, unfortunately she did not. I chose to live in a no fault, community property state that overwhelmingly favors mothers. Now I choose to focus on my children through thick and thin. Everyone knows about marriage vows, but when you choose to bring a life into this fucked up world, there are far m…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:18 PM
3

No apologies necessary! I appreciate your support.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:12 PM
7

No, trust me, we need less. LOL. It's a story I wish wasn't my life.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 03:56 AM
19

I paid 3 separate attorneys for consultations 3 years ago. Decided then that I would never file. Whether it was how badly I would get screwed, or the things I would have to do to not get screwed, neither of them were better than the hell my marriage had become. I started having boundaries, engaging in self care, essentially cut her off of discretionary spending from "my" money (she had already coined the term "my" money to refer to the little she made, and opened her own bank account to separate…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 02:02 AM
1

If you tell the court there is an issue, they will order to use the app they most commonly use. It will cost both of you $, and it will suck. Until then, this is what I did- save screenshots from my phone, with date and time stamps. Upload them to my computer, save them as a .pdf and compile them in order into 1 .pdf file. Put that in a folder arranged by date with a simple explanation, and then also download a phone log and keep it in there as well as further verification that the text was not …
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/25 01:21 AM
1

This is why I'm still married. Do the research, you very very likely are not getting full custody, and will have to fight for 50/50. If she's emotionally unstable enough to verbally abuse y'all, she's not above a silver bullet divorce. You're gonna give her half of everything, perhaps pay her legal fees, child support (even with 50/50), and spousal support. Even if the kids want to live with you and everything goes in your favor, the courts can empower her to destroy your life, take you for ever…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/25 04:53 AM
1

Step 2: in a community property state- don't actually own anything, ever, unless it was a documented gift. Rent everything from the corporation that your 3rd cousin owns and you have 0 interests in it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 01:13 AM
4

There are a number of factors at play here, and call me a conspiracy theorist, but some of them may have been intentionally engineered for various purposes; - COVID while not intentionally engineered (per se), it was definitely exploited by profiteers and created a lot of uncertainty which not only stressed people out, adding stress to their relationships, but also kept them in a relationship they didn't want to be in because who TF is adding a divorce into the chaos when the world appears to be…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 04:33 PM
1

I had 7% and no overnights through a bogus restraining order that opposing counsel continued for 5 months. The thought of a best case scenario being 50/50 was devastating, especially knowing they would be stuck with someone who has the ethics to trump up a restraining order for power and control, when literally everyone, including the children, know I am by far the better parent. I fought extremely hard to destroy their restraining order and request sanctions and compensation for the violations …
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:22 PM
2

Agreed on all accounts. I would even say, for #1, it's even judge dependent. Jurisdictions don't seem to have playbooks where all judges follow the same course, especially in DV cases as opposed to dissolution cases. It's very unpredictable.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 04:34 PM
1

I've been told by multiple attorneys now that signed affidavits are essentially useless. If they can't cross examine someone in court then it's basically thrown out. Is this actually the case?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:21 AM
3

Over 10 year marriage in California is a "long term marriage" = lifetime spousal support. 110% incentive for women to divorce 110% incentive for men to work it out. Welcome to the other side of the pendulum swing. Maybe some day divorce will actually be fair.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/25 05:19 AM
1

Man, if it wasn't pro-se, I was prepared to hit up a clay mine to start working on the bricks I would shit.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 07:15 PM
3

That sounds extremely expensive. Can you just do email and choose what you will and won't respond to? Set up a filter to dump her crap in a folder you only check when you feel like it. Use AI to take the emotion out of your responses and prompt it "rewrite this like an attorney wrote it, in first person, and don't reference the attorney", and then say literally anything you want. I've said some pretty rotten, pissed off stuff to it, and it comes out smooth and polished on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:27 AM
2

WTF did I just read? I feel like your post has a dollar amount tied to it, and I kinda want to ask what that amount is, but I'm afraid to know the answer.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/25 12:23 AM
1

What was the topic then?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 07:29 PM
1

Why is the opposing party signing the petition even a thing. Why do 2 people need to agree and sign to end a relationship? It allows 1 party to hold the other hostage over a signature.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 04:22 PM
2

Left that sub a long time ago mostly for that specific reason. Also taught me to post most everything in gender neutral terms. When they assume my abusive ex was the man, I politely correct them as a humble bias call out. Lol
/r/EverydayMisandry09/10/25 01:53 PM
1

Why is that even a thing. Like, yeah, let's give them something else to fight over. One side wants out. Proof of service should be sufficient.
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 01:50 PM
1

My first thought was- we need selective service for women, because of the inequality. While the number of women killed by men in the US, based on a 10 year average, is around double the number of men killed in combat, the per capita deaths of males sent to combat vs the per capita domestic homicides of females is around 110 times higher. So I'd probably take my chances with domestic violence over being sent to combat... Especially because you can do things to avoid and fight back for domestic vi…
/r/EverydayMisandry09/10/25 05:24 AM
2

Yeah been there. Fired my first attorney because they made a deal behind my back and then told me if I didn't take it he would quit, and I couldn't make any counter offers, not even right of first refusal. Fucking coward. I fired him on the spot. Considering filing a complaint with the bar association.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 10:20 PM
3

Silver bullet method. She lied and said I beat her and her attorney has continued the case for 5 months. We're going to court in 2 weeks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 02:15 AM
3

Google, AVVO, and lawyer.com ratings, averaged out. Retrainer, hourly rate, and alternative arrangements, such as limited representation so you can do as much as possible on your own. These make sure they are good and you can afford them, then look for someone who is gonna actually represent you and not just seek to strike deals and fuck you. Don't be afraid to fire an attorney, or even file a complaint with the bar association. A lot of attorneys are running wild because no one knows better.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 08:42 AM
3

She has sole custody due to a frivolous temporary restraining order. I beg her for 4 months to get therapy for the kids cause this shit is fucked for them. Finally I give up and just book it myself for one of the kids. Kid is totally engaged and enjoying it, after being anti therapy. I found one he likes. Low and behold, now she has a therapist for him and insists that he goes to 2 therapists, totally pissing kid off. Keeps insisting that "his mental health is more important than his recreation"…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/25 08:23 AM
2

I feel like this is still the status quo in the courts.
/r/EverydayMisandry03/10/25 08:32 PM
2

It is a racket. Everything you are afraid of; money being hidden, money taken out of account, etc. is trackable. Maybe it was done without your CONSENT, but if it was done without your knowledge, then that's on you. Look, see, know, document. Doesn't take an attorney to do that, and if you use an attorney to do it, not only did you get screwed by your wife, but you got screwed by the attorney cause they charged you an insane amount to do what you could be doing for "free". You still pay for medi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 11:17 PM
2

Then do this; - read every fucking thing you can about divorce, especially anything relevant to your state, jurisdiction (i.e. county), and specific situation (i.e. are there kids, crazy assets, is ex a narc or highly litigious/high conflict, etc). - start attending family court sessions as much as possible, get familiar with the process, motions, and tactics, and see what other people are doing. Many courts are public on zoom now. - ask the AI models to compare each other. Ask the same question…
/r/Divorce_Men17/09/25 06:04 PM
2

I'm at $4000 in attorney fees defending against a frivolous silver bullet restraining order and I haven't even done anything but file my response. Opposition keeps continuing it and it's $1500 for each court appearance, even though I haven't even attended the 2 sessions with an attorney yet because nothing notable happened. $500/hr is the going rate here, and a $10k retainer for the RO. Divorce sounds cheaper. Just dropped a $10k retainer on a second attorney hoping this one doesnt engage in som…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 10:02 PM
1

I would say it appears that statement is actually 2 things that get confused for "lawyers want to drag things out". 1 is that they absolutely discourage you from communicating with the other party directly, probably because it usually does more harm than good, even if that's not 100% true 100% of the time. If everyone is communicating with attorneys, it makes it much more adversarial than potentially just hashing out the 90% of shit you agree on and then letting the attorneys fight over the rema…
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 09:57 PM
1

Literally waiting for the septum piercing and the chest tats to round out my high school sweetheart and usher her into grandma status to the grandchildren she will probably never know... Because of her own decisions. So terribly sad.
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 05:10 AM
2

"We find strong evidence that father absence negatively affects children’s social-emotional development, particularly by increasing externalizing behavior. These effects may be more pronounced if father absence occurs during early childhood than during middle childhood, and they may be more pronounced for boys than for girls. There is weaker evidence of an effect of father absence on children’s cognitive ability." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3904543/
/r/Divorce_Men21/08/25 02:40 AM
6

We change the future by changing ourselves, and raising better children. Call out injustice everywhere it hides (in plain sight). It's an uphill battle for sure, but it will only win the war if we let it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:55 PM
0

Self-care is not a thing for men. We might hear it a lot, but the minute you do it in the same way women do, you are a deadbeat, and sacrifice all character and rights to society and the courts. The dual standard is alive and well. I've recently considered converting to Amish or something.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:54 PM
1

I think if relationships are a wrap, it has significant implications for the future of humanity. Childhood trauma and ACEs are going to skyrocket, leading to WAY more mental illness than the unmanageable level we're currently dealing with. Suicide rates will increase. Overall societal happiness will plummet. It's like Idiocracy but with trauma instead of stupidity. A mass scale snowflakification of society.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:46 PM
4

There is a TON of data to show children do best under a relationship structure.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:39 PM
10

1000%. I had to stop watching the Handmaid's Tale with my ex because she was internalizing it. Her social media feed looked like a battered wife in WW3 against the patriarchy where "Raising the Flag on Iwo Jima" is replaced by soot covered, malnourished children raising a pink and black Gadsden Flag that proudly proclaims "Living my best life" and features a septum piercing and a new (first) tattoo at 45, neither of which they paid for. Unironically and intentionally there are no men in the pict…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 10:33 PM
2

Mine doesn't even have her name on the title. We signed a private mortgage agreement to buy the house in 2016 and in 9 years she hasn't made the effort to drive down 15 minutes to the notary, pay $15, and put her signature on the line that was provided for her. This is typical of her level of commitment, support, and effort throughout the marriage. When I bring it up, I am being "controlling, abusive, and manipulative"... meanwhile she constantly throws "my name isn't even on the mortgage" in my…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:50 PM
6

This is my 25 year marriage right now, combined with the first stages of the silver bullet strategy... but also we're both dumb enough to still have sex. However what she doesn't realize is that I have her on my ring cam coming to my house for sex, leaving happily and without issue, she had me take video during sex with her begging for it, and she even posed for pictures afterwards. I'm not sure how the court would react to such evidence of someone claiming that they need a protective order from…
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:18 PM
6

Depending on the laws where you are and the circumstances, the recording likely isn't admissible in court if you didn't consent to it, or there isn't a court order allowing her to record you without your consent. Also, calling someone a name isn't a crime. Worst case she could try to claim harassment and go for a restraining order, but that's not great grounds for one and it's make her look petty. Probably a good idea for you to record everything too. IF it is admissible, she will eventually sli…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 02:44 PM
1

LMFAO. Were we married to the same woman? Mine said the same, and she's right, all 5 minor children are on my side and 2 adult children as well. Also posted a "some bridges are beautiful when they burn" meme on FB. Only issue is that mine lied to get a temporary restraining order and then her attorney keeps continuing the case so by the next court date it will be 5 months without my rights until I've actually had a chance to defend myself... Which probably also won't happen then either. The ole …
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 05:47 PM
2

It would be nice to also see some accountability for lying and falsifying reports or documents, making unfounded claims, and back compensation and legal fees for lost time for those who initiate a fight and lose. I'm looking at 5 months of no rights and being kicked out of the house before I even remotely have a chance of defending myself in court. I will win because there is no evidence because what she claims didn't happen, but it will take FOREVER to get there. Her attorney keeps continuing t…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:09 AM
1

Cognac lifestyle with the Coors income and effort. And when I took away the perks, mine decided it was time to bail and the courts are like... hey, wait a minute, you have to pay for her Cognac now. 🤣😭
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:02 AM
5

I want this. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:01 AM
2

There are many types of libertarians... That's why the party never gains traction. Too caught up arguing with each other about what government is to remain. We're not typically anarchists though, we do believe in some government. That being said, lots of anarchists have co opted the libertarian party as well.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:16 PM
1

I prefer small government and small businesses. Corporations are just a different form of private government, who technically only get their corporate status from government. Alternatively, you could say the biggest corporation in the US is the US government. The libertarian stance on marriage is typically that government shouldn't be involved in marriage. For instance, the stance on gay marriage isn't to allow the LGBT community to also ask the government for the privilege of marriage, but to g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:33 PM
3

This? https://www.americans4legalreform.com/
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:37 PM
0

I think you just described why I'm a libertarian. LOL
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 05:36 PM
1

This comment got me banned from r/abusiverelationships. https://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1hfqp9o/fyi_rabusiverelationships_mod_is_targeting_this/
/r/MensRights16/12/24 07:05 PM
28

Not lifting feed bags, not getting on ladders, not maintaining their vehicles, or being financially dependent.
/r/MensRights16/12/24 06:01 PM
2

I cheated for several years, 100% emotional and never had sex with her. Just wanted a supportive partner and didn't want to get a divorce for a variety of reasons, including subjecting my 7 children to unsupervised custody with my spouse. I told my wife along the way, "I really like Sally", "I think I love Sally", "I'm in love with Sally". 0 reaction from wife. She welcomed Sally coming over and watching the kids or doing the dishes while she sat and watched TV. So bizarre.
/r/MensRights16/12/24 04:28 PM
3

r/howtonotgiveafuck
/r/MensRights13/12/24 11:05 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter