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funnyman6979 Archive

View 0 posts and 120 comments by funnyman6979 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Hope this helps and you may have travelled through this thought process. Does it matter in the overall picture but is this something going forward will always be within your mind? I am speaking from my own experiences, first child 100 percent there were similar circumstances given the situation and we were engaged at the time. (Daughter) Fast forward four years, again this time a son pondering based on first child and where the marriage was completely possible. Finally, third child (girl)was not…
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 03:55 PM
2

Wish I had better news, but I’m at 28 years divorced, went out to watch my granddaughter’s softball game. Spent time talking to step dad who is now separated from the ex after 20 years. We just talk life not about her and I live 2 hours from everyone. But I have one adult child that for all the effort won’t talk to me and hearing his name just puts me in a fog. Felt like I didn’t belong all these years later, just hug the daughter and grandkids and retreat back into life number 2. Takes me a few…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 06:36 PM
3

You have the information, sometimes we tend to ignore or pretend. It sucks, going to take some time but don’t let this live rent free in your head. Kids, kids, lock it in and don’t get into the what ifs and constant internal review. Better days ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 05:37 PM
3

Everyone is different with different situations, one I can call anytime and one who bought into the BS. I embrace good feeling stories and I give back to those struggling and can relate with.
/r/Divorce_Men16/07/26 01:23 AM
5

Let me ask you this, if she’s an expert in everything and I mean everything if you stay you’re in for a very long haul. I get it, this clashes with respect, eventually spills into your career. Then you start to drive all your worth from your job, customers, suppliers and ask yourself why do I suck at home when you really do not. This all comes across as control, and as far as the whole “other” person classic response because how could you talk to someone else when there’s nothing wrong with me a…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/26 03:35 PM
8

Met the future step dad in his boxer shorts in what was my old dining room on child pick up. Class wasn’t one of her better known traits honestly so I used to deal by humor. You’re doing it right, take your time and continue to not bring multiple female “friends” in and out of your daughter’s life. Trust me the bond is there talk to mine now in her mid 30’s couple times a week. They truly want safe space and “normalcy”, you can only control you of course.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/26 01:10 AM
1

First I’m sorry you’re going through this and good job having custody. Just trying to give back here I wish I had fought for custody of at the time two little kids but thought they belonged with Mom. And in my case, she would have had to be a drug dealer in my state and maybe even with the infidelity I had a shot. Just sharing not judging parenting is a sensitive subject right and you can only control you and you want to be an advocate for your child as you are. So document, without questioning …
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 03:58 AM
0

I was still young divorced at 29, take it slow like you are. I met my second wife working at my second job, I really just wanted to start over and have the correct experiences and she is ten years younger than me. The debt took time, she was able to look past this and we had a child of our own after being together 10 years 6 married before we had our daughter. Thinking back, neither of us were high paid people, we made do with what we had. As far as my two children at the time, we made memories …
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 03:00 PM
3

Tough, really had nothing to offer someone driven into poverty with undisclosed debts, unpaid taxes, child support working two jobs. Went for a big ride with one when I really didn’t need to get kicked down. Had some fun, figured I was an idiot before being married and kept the kids out of it but they were priority. In the end found someone still going strong 26 years not that it’s been easy. I tell those in this transition work on you, learn triggers, go slow and enjoy everyday.
/r/Divorce_Men05/07/26 03:06 AM
5

Take the high road, ends up being step dad, just continues onward until one day their relationship sinks too after 25 years. Trust me, it sucks like my Dad used to tell me she already had a good guy did you think she’d find another one.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/26 08:18 PM
3

I don’t understand this either, and my older two do completely understand what happened because their sister wasn’t mine which all of this and more becomes normalized. You’re the one that moved on and is over it while the kid stuff tends to just linger for what seems at this point an eternity. Door is always open.
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/26 02:14 PM
2

First, I am sorry you’re enduring this and let me say you’re very fortunate mostly on your own behalf the tables didn’t get turned around on you and you getting arrested. It’s hard to see possibly since so sudden this is over hard to accept with two little children(hard part) Like many are stating, you 100 percent have to go into game war mode here. This time now is very important for you and the children. There has to be something on her side driving this aside from your shared comment it hasn’…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/26 06:21 PM
5

I get it, heard from one adult child won’t hear from then other on under similar circumstances. But he doesn’t get to live rent free in my head I did the best I could.
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/26 07:31 PM
3

Move into war mode now, not later and yes the time loss with children sucks. However, change is hard but you will make memories out of the time. You can’t see it now that’s natural but you will adjust not that this is easy. Great advice here, now get moving legally and I get the 401K frustration I am sitting here at 57 (divorced 1998) way behind the retirement position I need to be working to 70. Your next, move is one you don’t see be smart finding someone is not priority work on parenting thro…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 03:09 PM
1

Different way of coming at this, like many are sharing what can you deal with or not deal with and I’m going to share. Second marriage, 22 years with a wife that struggles with anxiety, leads to control issues (I travel worldwide for work) one child (15), set her way over the top and why we didn’t have more than one. I never knew what I was battling, arguments were at the time I would drink on occasion while she’s trying to medicate (right or wrong) off this and try that. I never knew what I was…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/26 04:52 PM
2

Agree, I know there may be zero to latch onto but I can tell you I didn’t know my ex thought it was acceptable to have an open marriage. I recall saying why couldn’t you just be honest it wasn’t like I was pulling in CEO pay at the time but just be human. Bar was set too high apparently Thanks for sharing, I have a point too I think about which was affair number one should have been it. All she did was make an even larger mess and I have to wonder still today what those extra four months cost me…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:54 PM
4

Right here with most, going on 15 months since I’ve talked to my 31 year old son. Same deal, did the best I could had custody in his teens for a couple of years but hockey was a privilege so the ex bought him back. Funny, when you hold people accountable even your own child here’s where you end up done being everyone’s punching back. I took the time wrote a nice letter owning things I didn’t need to and my dad didn’t take the time. When he never called when his grandma died (my mom) or show up f…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 03:13 AM
5

I honed in on the wealthy parents portion, had that dynamic going, she had multiple affairs. Then had her minivan repossessed of course my fault but mom and dad could pay and fix anything. Where is she today getting ready to sell the remaining property her parents had that she’s lived in for the better half of 15 years along with one of our thirty something children. This sucks, but like many here we support and while you can’t realize this right now, you’re going to come out the other side just…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 02:28 AM
6

I’m sorry you’re going through this, been here and it sucks. You have a large decision to make, trust is blown and like many are posting get things lined up now because she will turn fast here. Take time to process, stay strong for the kids, one day at a time. I couldn’t get around the first affair and should have not stayed because even though I tried I think my ex just figured what the hell he stayed or she herself never felt secure that I wasn’t going to just bolt eventually so let’s get preg…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 03:37 AM
6

You’re taking this failure all on your shoulders which many of us have been here this sucks. Float the marriage counseling idea and you’re going to get a large answer if she says “no”. I can’t be objective on the cheating, I once drove to a guys house and we sat down at his kitchen table and man to man I heard all I didn’t want to hear. Married her anyway, only to get ran over two more times with two small children and pregnant by someone else. Point here is, even though you’re hurting don’t ass…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 05:38 PM
2

No one gets to live rent free in your head. One day at a time, work on you be the best father you can be. It sucks, takes years and even then there’s going to be moments sadly through one of my kids where it just won’t ever go away. But you will rise above!
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 02:49 AM
4

Sorry you’re going through this, but to take a different approach I get this battle and balancing act I had to pull it off for a long time. Once my oldest (daughter) had her own kids then a light bulb went off. She was 10 when I met my second wife, we married when she was 14. None of this was an easy decision as if I had to choose me over her. As usually the case I met the new boyfriend of the ex in his boxer shorts so I felt like I was always dealing with things out of my control. Fast forward …
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/26 09:58 PM
5

I read once a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience. I had such a miserable experience the first time including having children with that person I wanted to have the “correct” experience. But I got into this 21 years ago damaged from marriage one , married someone much younger but we are still together and it takes work. I have no regrets about remarrying. It was at the time a very hard decision especially when my older daughter was 10 when I met my current wife she’s now 35. Whil…
/r/Divorce_Men09/04/26 02:22 AM
1

I am sorry you’re going through this, it’s overwhelming and you may not see the other side. With this being said, immediately realize you’re in survival mode while up in your head and heart hurting. It may not make sense but you can’t control the other person. Lock this in. Steer clear of alcohol, embrace family relationships as needed and remember, there’s going to be someone else that will appreciate you. But first, work on you trust is going to be hard. But now you are in control of what you …
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 10:14 PM
3

This story hard read reminds of my wife at the time telling me she sees me as a friend with two kids 6 and 2. Meanwhile, banging a married guy with a pregnant wife. Giving back here, don’t allow this to define you, it gets better on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 01:14 AM
2

This hits home we file separately the last year married I owed she got a massive refund that of course somehow was never applied because she never submitted mine. IRS moved in front of all the other undisclosed debts.
/r/Divorce_Men26/03/26 10:20 PM
2

Sharing similar situation years ago marriage done in 6, two years to get out of and two little kids-I was 29. Multiple affairs on her side and one child not mine then here comes new guy the father of no kids at the time. I get your perspective, I really do in fact I remarried had another child and this one sitting at 21 years. But for the longest time, you get sucked into this vacuum more or less because how wrong your choice was. Maybe you’re still here but it finally took my ex getting divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 06:02 PM
6

You’re nailing the core problem in most cases I think I’m the only one to ever hold my ex wife accountable and man did I pay a steep price. But this didn’t define me and I stopped playing a long time ago. You can read how we want respect and they want love….but even supporting them and a degree and their job still, when do we matter ?
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 01:20 AM
1

Don’t worry, it’s about the kids and if given the chance I would have taken on both kids and flipped the script. Run with it, not out of spite but to ensure needs are met.
/r/Divorce_Men12/02/26 05:08 PM
3

I made memories at a place called nickel world which was a game room working two damn jobs for almost 4 years. Went to parks, saved up for batting cages, stayed engaged as much as I could. I literally have saved paychecks $350 for two weeks of work, after garnishments(undisclosed debts) back taxes and CS. Today, live modestly credit score went from 350 to 850 took 25 years.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:12 PM
3

Because it is, I once calculated what I had paid, her earnings potential with the degree I supported, the support she didn’t get when that dad signed over his rights it was close to $750K and men I wasn’t making a whole hell of a lot of money. Son in hockey, that’s where CS went and nothing for the older sibling his sister.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:08 PM
1

Good advice, I’ve told everyone to not go with dissolution screwed me with undisclosed debts things I had not idea were in my name.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 12:51 AM
1

Can’t believe this is still actively going on, back up almost 30 years, even though she was pregnant with someone else’s child I was told forget trying for custody. Unless she has some drug habit, hurts the kids (physically) you have no shot. Well she made sure I had no shot when I tried to pack up and long story short, I was set up -and no I didn’t resort to violence but I ended up leaving in a squad car. It seems this false reality deal along with attorneys advising is the norm. Shockingly, so…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:40 PM
3

Understand this story well, to some degree the short 5 month relationship was the time of my life. When it crashed I didn’t have much energy left in me. But slowly regained momentum again. Amazing at times you read stories that align, just didn’t have this 25 years ago would have been therapeutic.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 05:52 PM
5

Had awesome sex in between marriages, second marriage started off great and then fell into the same dark dismal pattern. I’m in my 50’s, I enjoy my wife just don’t get to enjoy things enough and menopause isn’t a fun chapter as she’s younger than I. Hard to be objective here, there are times I feel like I’ve wasted my years, traveling in the fringe of making a mistake running on empty. It’s not high school of course but it’s an important connection point. I’ve seen too many guys driven into bad …
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 05:17 AM
9

This is great advice flip the tables this act is ages old. Get a restraining order on her, this doesn’t mean she leaves the house but she’s a threat to you. This sucks, I’m sorry you’re going through this- but at this point there’s no return here. The kids love Dad, get above the bad information. I hate sharing this but it never goes away you always will feel challenged. Be yourself, move on it will come together and just love and be present for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 10:58 PM
7

Sorry you’re going through this, advice going forward you’re never going to be able to work around the trust issues going forward. You will just always doubt, not be yourself and just wonder, and it took me quite a few times along our timeline as a couple to recognize what the definition of what insanity is.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 09:19 PM
9

Stopped at the YMCA to log in as if she was there working out. She was working out just not at the YMCA. Asked me to lie about her third pregnancy to her family and my family that I was the Father. Allowed the minivan to be repossessed claiming I wasn’t paying the bills after I moved out. I’ll stop, once thought about writing a book because who the heck could possibly believe this story?
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:04 PM
2

I'm going to go on record here, I don't think she thinks you're going to leave or initiate divorce. That's the game, and bear in mind she was this wonderful as a wife, what are your expectations as an ex-wife? She's not going to file, that's the control mechanism and false reality portion of this equation. Sorry for your loss, I recently lost a parent and I did a complete pivot in this marriage with many of your greatest hits. 21 years, right now I feel as though my wife is attempting to work on…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:34 PM
2

Amen, doesn't matter - you start off studying and trying to understand, work on yourself, we all know what the definition of insanity is......
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 06:21 PM
16

They leave lifetime paths of destruction, and you hope the children figure things out as adults and the answer is a resounding no. Never counted on her failed second marriage to become my problem, but hey should I be surprised with zero accountability.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 02:23 AM
3

I’m sorry you’re going through this, there should be more laws against this crap-was setup myself one night and all I was trying to do was leave after ex had multiple affairs. Hit pause, I get my words probably will bounce but one day at a time. There’s so many shared “survival” stories on here you’re not alone. Formulate a plan, start small and set goals work on you and what you can control. Kids- karma will happen here not at your hands but there is only one truth. This should not define you, …
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/25 04:44 AM
7

I could support this post and write almost 30 years of walking this path. I don’t think sound objective therapy exists and grew tired of rewind and play. True, I took some of my baggage into my second marriage but we come out the other side with eyes wide open. I think most can admit tripping up here or there but I didn’t deserve the multiple affairs and a child not mine. And all these support groups men that end up driven into corners again, Reddit didn’t exist in the late 90’s nothing to assis…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 07:44 PM
5

Sorry you’re going through this, the reality is family loves you but hasn’t walked this path. Perspective really, this is going to take time. I can assure you here many have felt this and it sucks. Steps, find a good therapist because trust me right now you feel invisible but again they can’t feel what you feel but you’re loved, remember this and use this. One day at a time, not the best of circumstances but you’re going to be a Father. What can you control here? Yourself and how you approach th…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:16 PM
4

I think you’re dodging a bullet here later as some are sharing trust me you could do it all and it sounds like the target would just shift over and over again. The day I packed up one comment the ex made is I’m losing my dishwasher. Really, the value system is shattered and sorry you’re going through this.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 01:19 AM
2

Great advice, similar experience to this day I think I’m the only one that held her accountable and I paid financially and with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 04:12 PM
3

I have written many letters to myself never sent. It was suggested to me to write an amends letter of sorts although I didn’t step out twice and get pregnant. However, there’s always things that I could have done differently wouldn’t have changed the outcome. Honestly don’t exhaust your time and energy this is for the beautiful children. Almost thirty years later I actually stood in the mirror and wanted to scream at myself do you see her for what she is now ? We all know what the definition of …
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/25 03:38 PM
1

This is somewhat complicated, and there’s no secrete plan. How long has he been divorced? Our children are everything to us, and out of the gate this is also somewhat of a sadness. Dating and trusting is hard and trying to blend needs is a learning curve to not “fail” again. I didn’t hide my kids, I went with Dad first but later in life I may have taken this to an extreme. You represent a possible restart, ground level so bringing up the kids will come but there’s emotions maybe not wanting to d…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 05:31 PM
4

The third child pregnancy was something out of the gate I covered for her until it was clear that wasn’t going to save us or change her so I called them. Remember blood is thicker than water so ask yourself what’s the point ? As you peel away the layers in my case mother in law knew about affair one not affair two and this outcome. Then they wanted the truck back the father in law gave me years prior. Ask yourself, is there any value in the exchange because they most certainly would not have got…
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/25 04:41 PM
5

Great advice here can be found, it sucks but one day at a time. It was the silence without the kids around that was deafening. Work on yourself and take your time, don’t forget about you in all this it’s ok to find a quiet place or a hobby. Alcohol, just makes things worse, trade for exercise not that a little fun isn’t ok but for now, once that tap is open it floods. And it’s a process and acceptance doesn’t come early but you will find and feel happiness again. God Bless
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/25 11:17 PM
3

Nice post, brings home the essence of sadly what many of us have experienced at various levels. I’d never hear this from my ex wife that I was a good father. She’s done a great job (kids are now in their 30’s) of never supporting me or her now 2nd ex husband. I feel lucky I only gave her 7 years of my Life but to share- my mom just passed away ceremony is this weekend, and one of my adult kids probably won’t go. This crap never goes away it seems, I can’t hang my hat on anything positive. If my …
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/25 07:28 PM
3

It is true people will never change the game and the stakes only get higher. Move into self preservation mode, and I’m sharing this from personal experience.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/25 02:27 AM
4

Sorry you’re going through this, one day at a time and clearly she’s thought about this for quite some time. It sucks, but clear head and be Dad !
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/25 12:32 AM
5

Great advice here work on you move at your own pace don’t drag someone else into whatever emotional mess if not fully resolved. Take the time, there’s plenty of mistakes out there. All I can say here is the relationship between marriages I had did not work and really hurt because I thought this was it. So be careful, and look we are all human and imperfect- learn and grow.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 10:32 PM
3

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but as it was told to me once unless you can prove and support physical abuse or excessive drug use at best you’re looking at shared parenting. I know it sucks, been here wish you the best.
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/25 07:19 PM
1

Great advice, similarly had one suspiciously reach out on LinkedIn, starts off like a professional inquiry. (Bait) Keep in mind you can now create even fake area code phone numbers to align with whatever game. Plenty of pictures to choose from, game over when no business email provided. This person doesn’t even exist on the system anymore it’s getting wild out there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 03:19 PM
4

The ghosts of the previous marriage live alive and well and will unless you continue to work on yourself and triggers. It is scary, once saw a saying a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience. I started all over again, including becoming a Dad again at 42. You’re going to be worried about control, don’t be. If this is meant to be it will flourish it’s not going to be easier if anything it may be harder at times due to trust issues. Just some things to think about, but can relate, I’…
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 03:06 AM
6

I’m sorry you’re going through this-it sucks the end game (among other things) this does not and should not define who you are. Understand you are not the same, work on triggers and ensure you don’t take this into the next relationship. Choose wisely to avoid being stuck in a hamster wheel. You’re one awesome night away with someone that’s going to erase most of this it’s empowering. Take that experience at face value.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/25 04:55 PM
1

Great advice, the faster one can shift into moving forward on and to some degree survival mode the better. False allegations turn into narratives that years later you may not outrun due to the adult kids taking on this same personality and embracing. 28 years later I stood in front of a mirror and thought to myself, now do you fully understand who she is and was ? None of the first years were easy, and by the grace of God my second marriage has sustained in part because I made amends, hit trigge…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/25 05:05 PM
1

Sorry you’re going through this but you are Dad and they need you. Lock this in, there’s life on the other side and you are a big part of life going forward. Next, you need a safe space this isn’t helping while easier said then done someone needs to make the call here for all involved. Many understand in this group, we hit expectations and work to provide and sometimes we end up running on empty when one feels invisible. Good luck, one day at a time, find a good therapist- stay off drinking beca…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/25 02:51 AM
3

Sorry you’re going through this, similar past don’t let this define you so to speak it sucks. Take the high road and just find a comfortable narrative something simple it just didn’t work out. I get the wanting to set the record straight, but only my close friends knew the back story and my immediate family. You made the right call, and now you have life out in front of you. As far as the kids are concerned, love them spend time and always be their rock. This is more important than the neighbors…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/25 05:23 PM
11

Going to jump in here in full support do whatever you can for the kids. I’m sitting here today with two kids in their 30’s (divorced 98’) with honestly the most disappointing relationship and won’t hijack this post I’m over it. I stayed present, took the high road in the middle of insanity, it won’t be smooth but consistency and love is key. The “other side” may latch on to your moments of weakness or despair and drive wrong narratives. Show up for games, show up for dances, move on from this an…
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/25 02:19 PM
4

This sucks but take a day at a time concentrate on you don’t drink yourself into depression. There will be someone else and will be in the rearview someday. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 08:06 PM
1

Great advice given, similar first wife couldn’t seem to just be with her husband and those triggers held on for a long time. Communicate, this is the new you but insecurity on her side (marriage 2) always seemed to create a response of “you know what I’ve gone through so give me a break!” So I was using this experience more of a badge of honor wrongly than asking what am I doing here to make you feel this way. I always reference the saying a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience. …
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 03:29 PM
3

This is great advice, similar situation years ago and my name was on everything. There were undisclosed debts I didn’t even know about. Then, you have the crossover credit problem to deal with. Protect credit at all costs At one point I was at 350. The thanks for letting her finish her college degree two small kids at the time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 07:17 PM
2

This falls under she was chaos as a wife which is going to equate nuts as an ex-wife. Think ahead, plan for the completely unexpected, maybe get some serious distance after this is over with.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/25 01:08 AM
1

If your goal so to speak was to dive in here and read our struggles from this side and there’s value, admirable. There’s nothing easy about divorce, some of us here had no choice. Some of us like me are here to give back who have gone through this even with my 21 year marriage the second time almost done at least ten times. It is about understanding not understood, it seems to me you’re missing pieces as to why which he of course has your answers. Your post is sad because we here have been throu…
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/25 02:59 PM
2

Good luck thanks for sharing !
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 01:56 AM
3

Thanks for sharing, my major rebound in between marriages, having the time of my life only to find out she was still married. Imploded me in to depression, and get a load of this. When I finally got engaged again, guess who emailed me that she was divorced and wanted to go out? Can’t make this stuff up!
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/25 03:34 AM
3

I have nothing but negative points (disclaimer) my ex mother in law hated me and didn’t help our marriage. Tragically died later on in a car accident and I fear her more in death than life. Ex father in law was a good man, but thankfully there was plenty of distance I didn’t have to see anyone. Summary, aside from being a class act at kid functions, it’s over and collateral damage.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/25 05:29 PM
1

Yes, we home schooled through K-5, did an art school for a year and a half and had to pull her out. Last year blew through 8th grade at a private all girls catholic school and is there for her freshman year of high school. We were involved in Wild N’ Free, did a family camp once a year as well as our local group. Older kids, never was an option except my son played hockey and ended up finishing online daughter graduated from public school and home schools her kids. It works, the art school was a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 04:56 PM
4

100 percent agree, in marriage one her cheating actions were known in her friend group if not promoted. Fast forward to today, women’s Bible study tends to descend into what’s wrong with one’s marriage and what’s everyone’s opinion. I however feel true friends in either side offer sound advice, then again blood is thicker than water. Rulebooks get thrown out, I was very private then today only two close friends that take honestly opposite opinions in discussions. I will never pretend to understa…
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/25 02:43 PM
3

Man the trigger points, first I’m sorry you’re going through this. At the time I thought my two very young kids belonged with their mom. I remember being in tears when I took my then 7 year old for her haircut appointment I made on the fly. It took an hour to untangle her hair. I had a killer dental plan, never used- it wasn’t until I married someone with a dentist in the family one of the two got some help.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 02:54 PM
4

My ex recently just got divorced a second time after 24 years of being with this husband. Since our two are in their 30’s we can go a long time without any contact. But I have to 100 percent remind myself the complete disregard for our marriage and values she still remains this adversary with me in her mind. The only time I reached out was when I myself was in the middle of my second marriage imploding 3 years ago as it seemed their downturn was in process. On my side this marriage continues to …
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 05:45 PM
2

You got this slow down mentally one day at a time. If you can take a weekend away from it all. Do what you can to get out of your head. I agree with most of these comments, it takes two. I get the kid time, the silence around my apartment was crushing. Going forward, be the rock make memories from the fifty percent and maintain above. Be a role model!
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/25 06:19 PM
2

Feeling invisible hurts, one day at a time and can relate here. If you can’t be yourself or feel pushed into a corner bad decisions happen. Admire your courage, I had to do the same years ago and just recognize going forward triggers. Second marriage has been tough, similar shared battle, but here’s another 24 hours. You need to be you to be the best Dad as well. Ironically we were together six years before we had our daughter. We’ve grown in some areas, lack of evolving sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men13/09/25 04:00 PM
10

As stupid as this sounds, gloves off push forward, move on-money is money your peace of mind invaluable. Trust me I’m not Mr. Roger’s here in a neighborhood I’m sorry you’re going through this. My experience in my divorce resume- undisclosed debts my name on everything three years digging out of garnishments and unpaid taxes. If this is the only hit move on. There’s life on the other side, and trust me you deserve a better life you just can’t see this yet.
/r/Divorce_Men10/09/25 12:16 AM
7

Amen, similar story my Dad was not happy with my wife choice. When it ended he simply said, they have to be pretty on the inside and, she was never going to let you be successful. It’s been 15 years since I lost him at 68, my own son decided he’s better off without me. If I could share a concrete “why” I would with the group. My Dad was right, about many things as we move closer to losing Mom it’s life. For me, divorce somehow never seems to leave but here’s to our Dad memories, that’s what matt…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 08:53 PM
3

Sorry you’re going through this, take one day at a time but feel as though as hard as it may seem this happened now and not 20 years down the road. Changing oneself to some degree might make improvements but losing who you are sucks. I don’t know what happened with the best friend, but give it time. I can relate, learn from this experience because it’s easy to walk right back into the same situation. Take time for you.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 02:51 PM
3

You’re in a better place, I once had to go to a DNA test and I swore they were calling every guy in the room. Myself, her best friend’s fiancé, married guy with his own pregnant wife and honestly I knew it wasn’t mine. She ended up with none of these guys. Twenty years later her second divorce, not that my life has been a cakewalk but focus on you, humility and grace lose the pride, it will sink her.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 08:19 PM
5

I’m going to be blunt here because I have been in your shoes many years ago. Control you, focus on you and the kids and your relationship- you are not wrong in your heart to have these concerns at all. But guess what, they are little now and then they grow up and find their way. At one point due to the poor step parent relationship I had custody of my teenage son for a couple of years. I always took the high road and there’s no happy ending here with both kids in their 30’s New guy at the time e…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 02:27 PM
6

It’s true here blood is thicker than water, it’s amazing how enabling never stops and then when the parents pass it’s still all about them. Good luck here been here, ex in laws were very wealthy and some things money could not fix like our marriage it was a major issue.
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/25 12:24 PM
2

Breathe, this sucks but now it’s gloves off get an attorney, where are you with financial controls?
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/25 12:41 AM
1

Thanks for sharing, I’m not going to speak for the masses here, but at any given moment in the last 20 years of marriage two I’ve been married I’ve been on empty for a long time. I think however because I was the one cheated on in my first marriage, add to this after divorce I found myself in a paradox as a player on the other side between marriages, I’ve been close but walk away because it won’t fix things. Good advice here as always, we’ve had people within our circle carry on ten year affairs…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 08:13 PM
3

The no kids component here, hard to convey this is going to help you with healing. Take some time, don’t dive into anything serious and spend time on you. Likewise I was 28, mistakes (had 2 little children) invest in yourself, looking back I should have finished my college degree then not later. Understand you’re different, looking through different lenses so work on trigger points to really start the next time open and fresh of the negatives and pain. Alcohol, beyond moderation just adds to poo…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 03:40 PM
13

And cue the reality that going forward this the new way of Life- many of us get it trust me. Maintain, teach the kids class and humility, and drop the pride. I wish I had a success story to share control you and your influence. Don’t allow trigger points to consume easier said than executed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 11:03 PM
11

A year and a half before the official divorce with two guys and then after divorce met guy number three picking up my kids and he was in what used to be my dining room in his boxers. He’s still the best dad ever and I’m the failed dad but hey, here I am on Reddit trying to give back when I can.
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:28 PM
3

I hate mine more today over the last 27 years than I thought possible. Still screwing up one adult kid it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Ok I feel better now.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/25 03:09 PM
3

First one day at a time, here’s another 24 hours what are you going to do with it. Alcohol, does not help anything to share, especially when trying to be the best you for the kids. Be there for your kids and keep them out of it all including if and when you think about someone else. Protect them from these ups and downs, none of this is their fault. Remember, you can’t control the other side and finally it takes time. Allow yourself to hurt, process, hit therapy if needed, not throwing religion …
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/25 08:07 PM
1

Not knowing the climate other than the obvious as suggested, get this figured out legally ASAP protect your credit, cross over credit sucks and takes years. No matter how you got here, get this and anything else legally documented and clear it up. Go find a nice used car that is dependable. Go conservative here and climb out, if you’re upside down on one, to me find a way to amicably get rid of that debt!
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 01:45 PM
5

Not knowing your situation, obviously you’re on the hook for everything that’s in your name. That didn’t work out too well for me there were things I didn’t even know about! Don’t let your credit get killed in the process only makes the restart harder !
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/25 10:22 PM
3

Love this post, this is why I joined to give back and help those at the starting line. Divorced 27 years on 9-8, in many ways marriage two, now 21 years has been the hardest thing, and I still have one adult child (31) from my previous marriage that won’t talk to me, I did the best I could. Great post.
/r/Divorce_Men13/07/25 12:16 PM
8

I have to share, even after 27 years this September, I jumped in here to take a huge negative in my life and try to give back. There were zero resources back then the stories I share when applicable, the deafening silence with no kids around and the crappy furniture grandma gave me. The list goes on and on !
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 06:02 PM
1

Sorry you’re stuck, one day at a time change up your routine, trust that you will be ok and give things to the good Lord.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:39 AM
8

I took a pay cut to be finally on an 8-5 schedule, put her through college, two affairs later after we divorced she quit working. Can’t make this stuff up can we guys ?
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/25 02:06 AM
4

Unfortunately, with my oldest the last two years of high school (I was three hours away) hung out with twenty somethings. No boundaries. Agreement stated to stay within 150 miles, the ex moved 148.8. No joke
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 04:41 PM
2

Yep, honestly there’s nothing fair about this experience I was arrested trying to just leave my first wife who once again wasn’t with me but someone else. 100 percent was coached to do so by her attorney and then I placed a restraining order on her and stayed at my uncles. Take a deep breath, great advice here sucks we all get it, truth comes out, goal here is to move on !
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/25 02:53 PM
3

Agree, it’s been 27 years ago soon and this is so needed.
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/25 09:29 PM
4

You got this, one day at a time and there’s life on the other side as hard as it may seem.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/25 11:51 PM
3

A second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience I once read. The hard truth to share, when I started over you think you got this, want a better experience and you’re a different person this time some good some negative it’s only human to have these concerns. You’re listing trigger points, the key is to be open to her and yourself, work through these even with the help of therapy, to be the best version of you getting a handle on this is going to make this new life an easier walk. I get th…
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/25 02:23 PM
3

Great question, when I went through this in 1998 there were zero resources. In fact as I frequently attend CR (celebrate recovery) the name is misunderstood this is not a 12 step AA program but again, no resources otherwise but recommend to anyone here. All these years later, the lingering effects remain and I’ve chosen to just “let them” in reference to my older kids. Guys don’t sit around and share we just don’t but here it does and there it does, you’re not alone is my point. I’m not going to…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/25 11:08 PM
2

The faster you understand you’re now in a war the better off you will be. Without knowing anything, this isn’t the time for grace, and the posts are correct. I saved pay stubs from the dark days to remind myself how long and hard this journey has been. 27 years this September and I don’t forget it.
/r/Divorce_Men29/05/25 05:40 PM
3

This is a critical time for them, seeing Dad needs to be in play here you are crucial. I get not making it required reading, it isn’t about right or wrong it’s about time. Time that blows by too fast, trust me- don’t over think this you’re Dad. It’s a tough age, my older daughter when she was 16 didn’t want to be with me on weekends wasn’t cool any more.
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 05:12 PM
6

Ex handled all the taxes, filed separately plan was her refund would cover what I was going to owe. She never filed my taxes, and here came the IRS in the middle of all the other bills and support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 06:11 PM
3

I get it, we all have break points and get ran into a corner when we seem completely invisible. I use to handle my wife’s issues wrong in part because seemingly my needs were and are zero in importance and we guys drive this inward. Out of everything I’ve done I hit this group called CR, celebrate recovery, worth checking it out. I quit drinking it was something she just complained about anyway. Wanted more money changed jobs, that didn’t work had to move back and still here we sit. Without inti…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/25 02:36 AM
3

Sorry you’re going through this and it takes time but flip this narrative. First, if you would have children in this it is harder most here can share this one way or another. I would view this as a positive and you have to take one day at a time and have a future out in front of you. While hard to recognize there will be another day here with someone that wants to be with you and start a family. Focus on you, started reading the book “the let them theory”, because you’re not going to change her …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/25 09:24 AM
6

This is normally coached by the others’ attorney, same deal here- and trust me when the kids are in their 30’s they may still not get it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 05:24 PM
7

Without question, but as a husband I couldn’t shift gears fast enough to accommodate but that’s the role. I can admit it has directly impacted two marriages. I don’t know if it was the weight of being mom (we have only one here 14F) and we are lucky but objective not having to deal with anything “crazy”.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 02:57 PM
5

After child support, garnishments (debts she hid) I hung onto paystubs where my two week pay was $350. I worked two jobs for almost 4 years. I get it, one day at a time and meanwhile between what the ex could have made with her degree, allowed the dad of the third child to sign over his rights, she managed to throw away 750K of my money and what she could have had across 16 years of paying on two kids. Sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 03:34 AM
1

Unsure how Canada works, hopefully more open than US courts because unless my ex-wife was a drug dealer no chance of getting the kids. I had no money for an attorney either but found one to take my case on a payment plan. Sadly, but rightfully so this will be the best money spent if you can find a solution. Also, recognize coming out of this type of situation, don’t take the position you’ve learned and you can handle anything moving forward in relationships. Second marriage has been a struggle i…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 11:16 AM
7

Hard read sorry you’re going through this and wish I had answers for the older kids. One day at a time, keep the kids as you are at center. However, take care of yourself too, you’re needed and important.
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/25 02:49 AM
2

Interesting, been here and I never touched her except to push her away as she was choking me. I ended up arrested this crap is coached by their attorneys. All I wanted to do was pack up and leave. Ended up placing a restraining order on her not me and this was almost 30 years ago. Bottom line, move faster to protect and no matter what you try to do nicely they don’t give a crap.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 03:02 PM
4

The sooner you figure out this is not the person you fell in love with the better. I’m just sharing from personal experience. It’s tough but it’s go time, take a deep breath and protect yourself on many fronts to move on.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 08:10 PM
1

One day at a time, first it sucks, now form a plan. To share I worked two jobs for almost 4 years and it took time. There were so many undisclosed debts in my name and she came from “money”, then married a pilot. There’s nothing here that you’re going to find as a morally right outcome. I did what I had to do for two kids and today, I look back and can’t believe I made it. One out of two kids won’t talk to me, that makes me still poor. IMO
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/25 09:54 PM
2

You got this, it may seem dismal but there is life at the other side of this. Like someone said you are more than your marriage great advice. Normally I don’t plug things but I’ve been to CR celebrate recovery for two years. Anyone with hurts or habits or hangups not some 12 step program for addiction. I wish I had this in 1998 when I went through what you’re going through. I am sorry you’re in this but hit this head on and find that share (like this thread) and you will be fine.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/25 10:20 PM
2

First time loved her second time loved her, first time still getting paid back since 1998 divorce through adult children. Stupid.
/r/Divorce_Men31/03/25 01:23 AM
1

Work on hurts, habits, and hang ups which you are with therapy. I get it, I once saw a sticker “a second marriage is a triumph of hope over experience!” Second marriage has been a struggle lasted two times longer than the first. Both have to work on it, have to pull in the positives too not just sit with the “bad”. Just throwing this in I don’t have all the answers trust me. I get tired of being under a microscope. Completely get how you feel in this.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:39 PM
2

I found very quickly there were more women out there like my ex than good ones.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/25 02:42 AM
2

Just makes me think of the one box I left behind that had all my childhood things and pictures- pitched. Save things for the kids- move on from the rest.
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/25 04:41 AM
5

It’s not easy, but create the mindset it is all about your child and lock this in as hard as you can. Also a lessoned learned years later, work on the triggers it’s tough but you’re going to carry this into the next relationships. I’d like to report this gets easier when the kids are grown adults but today was one of those days even myself I questioned what was the point. I have two kids in their 30’s. First wife cheated twice and the third child wasn’t mine. Second marriage been together 20 yea…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/25 03:05 AM
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