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throwingit_all_away Archive

View 4 posts and 180 comments by throwingit_all_away on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

is it not specifically called out in your decree?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 07:27 PM
6

You ever see Die Hard? Remember the scene where the building explodes and rains glass down on everyone below and the police get angry because of the glass? "Glass? Who gives a fuck about glass?" Yeah, same thing, but put "want" in there. Dont care what you want. My dad had a couple of phrases when I would express what I wanted. 'hold out both of your hands. Now, want in one hand and shit in the other, tell me which one fills up first" or "you want xyz? well people in hell want ice water." Who ca…
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/25 07:53 PM
7

Legalities of marriage have nothing to do with the church. The only question that matters is to ask if she is filing a marriage certificate with the state or not? Do you have any payments that would stop if she were to file a certificate and be legally married? Is she trying to sidestep something by claiming marriage in church only?
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/25 05:57 PM
9

Anything you give her outside the courts will be argued by her side as already agreed to by you and the court will rubber stamp it. My decree has specific language around when she can ask for modifications. Check yours. Stop talking to her outside of email for records. Cry a river, drown in it. See if I care.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/24 05:44 PM
2

Definitely not the only one. Dont give her the satisfaction. They hate it when they want a reaction and you dont care to give one.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:28 PM
7

You have a stereo at home, go there, play it loud. Do not allow your ex any inside knowledge of your emotions.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/24 02:17 PM
4

FINALLY CHOOSING MYSELF Excellent choice!
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/24 06:12 PM
2

But she has now just switched from deriding in text messages to deriding me over email This is a glorious thing! You will now have every word documented if and when needed. I call it the Stop Fucking Talking to Me method. I love it. One email a week with the expected visitation dates and any required response questions. And, like the man in the movie said, BE NICE.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 02:24 PM
5

Why are you talking to the ex? I assume my ex is saying these things, but I dont allow my kid to hear me talk to my ex, because I dont. I keep my head down and do the right things in my house. Your teen isnt stupid. Stop talking to your ex. Use email only. Stop talking to your kids about your relationship with your ex or any other adult relationship. Keep in mind that your kids will never remember or hold against you the mean things you didnt say.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 03:57 PM
3

Its not your job to determine perjury. Its your job to continue to request the information to the point that when its finally delivered the judge is adequately perturbed about the attempt to avoid disclosure. Continue to request it from the perspective that hey, I believe you forgot to include this or that and continue keeping your cool and not leveling charges in front of the judge. Like the man said, know your role.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/24 02:24 PM
1

some of your responses did not though
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:55 PM
1

Hatred never leads to anywhere good. Best to turn your back on the entire situation, focus on moving forward with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/24 03:54 PM
2

If you married and filed taxes jointly THEN it would become a shared burden. Until then, he is only responsible to share his income as reported on his taxes. How much is typically a formula created by each state. Google your state and child support and you can usually find the form that calculates support. IANAL but I would fight to not share banking records through any discovery process. The only thing that they should need is the tax statement showing his income.
/r/Divorce_Men08/05/24 04:38 PM
7

No fault divorce is the most common divorce. Not many jurisdictions give a shit about adultery.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 08:17 PM
16

Youre already divorcing her, right? In most all US jurisdictions no one in the court cares about infidelity. You gain NOTHING by being involved in this and EVERYTHING by just getting divorced and getting away from someone who is hurting you. Leave them both alone.
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/24 08:16 PM
6

As for missing her, you miss the idea of her
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/24 01:54 PM
20

You got in a fight, so she went out and raw fucked some rando and gave you an STD. Exactly what marriage are we talking about saving here?
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/23 08:29 PM
5

Been divorced 5 years now and every year I get the same bullshit messages about how Christmas is on a different day and that means we cant just repeat last year's Christmas schedule because blah blah blah and when we say no, its always "why wont you just give me anything?" Every single year, like clockwork
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/23 06:22 PM
3

I regret not going 100% nuclear from day 1 of the divorce proceedings. Anything in the direction of trying to be amicable or to look like I was agreeable to anything she suggested. No quarter.
/r/Divorce_Men17/11/23 03:36 PM
0

Access in case of emergency. Legal rights to decision making authority. Insurance benefits Many other benefits that are intangible
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 03:01 PM
-10

You need to sit down and decide who and why you want someone in your life. Why is just as important as the who. What are your standards. What are you willing to sacrifice in order to gain happiness? You appear to have some serious anger and resentment (and probably rightfully so after going through such a traumatic experience). You need to get away from those issues before you will be able to clearly evaluate anything. Marriage 2 is going much better than marriage 1 because I made better choices…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 07:52 PM
1

I once thought I had this disease. Then, I just realized, I didnt have a disease. I just needed to put my balls back on, face the music, and get on with my life. So much happier now. But, Ill lose everything Sir, you've already done that. Of course, it would be nice to find a monster in a box under the stairs at the local college and trick her into checking it out in the middle of a summer soiree, but, alas, so goes life.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/23 02:23 PM
3

As much of a bitch that it is, you do not take any of the issues in your marriage to the lawyers. Judges do not decide divorce cases. Lawyers decide divorce cases and put agreements in front of Judges to sign. You want it this way because the other way is to fight about everything, drag this out and it gets VERY expensive. Why are you getting divorced? She said she doesnt want to be with me and has cheated on me. End of story. They are a lawyer, not a confidant or a therapist. Judges really dont…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/23 05:14 PM
1

I know I am fortunate that my parenting plan leaves me as final ownership of decisions. Screw this talking to parenting coordinator. What happens if you stop going? She complains...to who? The court? You did what you were asked. It isnt worth the time or money. If she takes you to court for not going, then counter with your solution for activities (saying that you think this is what's best for the child) and ask it to be amended into your agreement. Make sure that you dont have anything in there…
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/23 02:42 PM
1

Wait, do you or do you not have a custody agreement? How old are these kids and who is listed as primary custody? Do you have a final decree for divorce?
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/23 06:20 PM
7

its time to turn the ship broadside and fire all cannons. Yes! We eagerly agree and want to make a deal to keep from going to court! I want everything, the moon, the sun, the stars, and all of the space in between. Of course we can solve this! This is an event where they have left themselves exposed. Make a smart offer that benefits you. Let them say no. Then, in court, your lawyer should mention they had the chance to solve this without going to court.
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/23 04:24 PM
9

Danger Will Robinson! Have you ever taken an evaluation? There are trick questions on evaluations. I had to take one about alcohol, once a long time ago. There were questions like "Have you ever had a hangover?" Of course I have, who hasnt? People who dont drink too much, that's who. "Have you ever eaten a meal at the table with your shirt off?" Well, I lived alone at the time, so, yeah, of course. But that is also the wrong answer. There are truthful answers and then there are the right answers…
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/23 07:18 PM
4

Do you really want to know? I agree with th e statenent that a man who says he wants something and doesnt have it, doesnt really want that thing. Whatever it is, they dont really want it. So. Do you really want to hear that YOU control YOU. Better yet, are YOU ready to stand up and be YOU? It hurts so bad Dude. You need to find your favorite chair and maybe your favorite adult drink(S) and ruminate on WHO TF ARE U? and youll say....you dont understand and Ill say there is a mounrain in between u…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/23 04:02 AM
1

We dont completely disagree. Just a different approach. We are married, for 4 years, but she has known them for 7.5 years. I just introduced her by name. But, I would never say "she isnt your mom" nor would I give the children the power of thinking they could end around my SO and that I would mediate an issue between them. GF or stepmom, you will respect authority of adults. I agree you shouldnt introduce kids to a SO who isnt living with you or isnt a serious thing. But, if they are, that perso…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/23 09:54 PM
1

Tell the kids this isn't going to be a parent. I have to disagree with you on this point. Because, if you say this, then you may have to undo it later. My wife isnt my childs mother, but she is definitely a parent. All adults in my house are to be respected as adults.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 11:07 PM
13

Edit to add: go to a hardware store and change the locks. Send her a message she is no longer welcome, period. Then, go no contact. Who owns this house? Who owns this couch? If an acquaintance of a friend started calling you a loser, in your own damn home, would you sit there and take it? The first fucking thing to do is go sit down in your favorite chair, maybe grab an adult beverage, and ruminate on what do YOU want YOUR life to be? Just so you know, you can kick anyone and everyone that are n…
/r/Divorce_Men28/05/23 07:14 PM
3

pay close attention to what /u/EnvironmentalAd3558 is telling you. Like a birth certificate, you can have the one that has the photocopy of the seal and then there is the paper that has the actual raised seal. You need the one with the actual raised seal from the stamp. Also, look closely at what /u/upvotersfortruth is telling you. In your response paper, you can quote the decree and point out the information along with page and line number citations. Then, you attach the decree as a Exhibit. DO…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/23 06:28 PM
1

Oh, I just thought of another one that grinds my gears. My ex gets her time on M, W, and every other weekend. Meaning during the school year, she gets every damn school holiday that is on a Monday as an all day. Consider that.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:43 PM
1

You were smart enough to ask a smart question that many in this sub miss. Its easy to get bogged down in the now and not think of the future. Here I am 4 years after the end of the divorce that took 3 years to accomplish. So, happy to lend a bit of hindsight to you.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 05:35 PM
6

Transportation to and from school. Children need to be on a consistent schedule. I have mine written so that the child always uses the bus to and from school, unless there is a specific after school need. You do not want to get a call while youre at work saying so and so missed the bus because the child missed which day of the week it was. My ex wanted to pick her up on these days and let her ride the bus on those days. Nope. Who picks up a sick child from school or daycare or wherever? If there…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 03:20 PM
1

Execute a quit claim deed and give it to your attorney. Tell your ex that upon proof of funds your attorney has been directed to release the deed to your attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 02:42 PM
3

I dont know that I would even use a lawyer for this. I'm not telling you what to do or advise you. I am in a similar, but not same, situation with an ex. Everything needs to be about her needs. If she were to take me to court, like yours is going to do, I'd go in, by myself, and just be straight forward with the judge. Consider this position: Your honor, this is why the agreement is set up as it is. So I can do xyz during my time, and she has equal time to do as they please. This has worked well…
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/23 12:30 PM
5

Call ambulance? First, the day care does not get to set the rules. The parents do. I have joint legal and full physical. The instructions given to the daycare were.... You call me, first. You call mom second. Then, you call dad again. There is a list of people allowed to pick up kids. Wife and I have a spoken agreement, if its your day with the kids, its your day to pick up the sick child. Then, we go down the list of others, grandparents etc, who are allowed. We arent calling an ambulance ffs. …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 05:47 PM
6

Do not allow this person to spend even a single night anywhere on your property. As soon as you do this person will claim residency and you will be stuck in courts trying to evict. Under no circumstances will you even as much raise your voice towards either of them. Call police and have him tresspassed from your property, immediately upon arrival. Do not let them plead or talk you into anything. You should contact a lawyer as immediately as possible to ask how you can make sure this person does …
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 02:09 AM
1

Legally, as others have said, without a threat of danger, there is nothing you can do. I have experience in this from another angle, but it was clearly laid out that the priority is the children and not the harmed feelings of an ex spouse. What should you do? Not let on that this bothers you in relation to your ex. And honestly, from that perspective, it isnt. You should hope that the man she is moving in with is good to your children. If they end up with an additional parent who loves and cares…
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/23 07:16 PM
1

There is a line in a famous movie where the question is asked, "What if they call my mom a whore?" And the response is, "Well, is she?" Do you game too much? Do you spend enough dedicated quality time with her? Are you too loud? Ever just asked her, without any attitude, hey, Im gonna cut out 3 hours on Sunday afternoon to play. Now, what do we need to do this week so you feel ok during that time? Then, stick to your time and focus on not being loud. Simple compromise is much cheaper both mental…
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/23 07:26 PM
2

Judge made the decision
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/22 05:19 PM
12

This is a great question. Will she fight over everything? Great. Lets make her do it where you can. She asks for something? Ask for something in return. Show that she cant give. Mine would say she wanted something so we would ask for something, in return, and she'd say no, thats mine too. One strategy I used was to get her to fight over shit I didnt care about to make her look petty. Id ask for things I either didnt really care if I got or already had so she would respond she wanted it too. Will…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/22 07:42 PM
2

and there you go, underscores my point that you do not need to just call your lawyer and pay up every time you dont know something.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 01:22 PM
3

Youre in a great spot. People need to stop with the "call your lawyer", stuff. You dont need to call your lawyer for basic stuff. Thats how lawyers win. They charge by the minute. My lawyer would refuse to talk to me and told me tp hold my tongue until I saw her at the court. There would be ample time for speaking, then. Thats also what these forums and r/legaladvice are for. The basics of your case, like any other civil case, is that should she withdraw her petition, you would file against her.…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/22 06:41 PM
2

/u/Freefaller6 I cant underscore the above comment enough. You are not required to follow what is in the doc, but having it to be used as a guideline for when you dont agree is a requirement of entry.
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 04:53 PM
8

For me, I found it to be like climbing a fog covered mountain. On the way up, you cannot see the top. Once you get there, you cannot see the path from which you came and the path forward is also foggy. Once you get to the other side of the mountain, you'll be glad that fog is there and, for me, it helped with moving forward. The most important thing to remember when you find yourself walking through hell is to KEEP WALKING.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 03:49 PM
1

Check the laws of your state. Where I live if you are married at the time of birth you are considered the father who will be held for child supprt. You need to file asap. Demand full custody, and work backwards from there.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 10:52 PM
0

If you can save it, do so.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/22 02:22 PM
3

Let me tell you about our dont fucking talk to me plan. The ex pushed a stipulation in the parenting plan that requires me to send her a weekly email concerning anything relating to the kids. Fine. Here's how this works. I send her an email with her upcoming visitation schedule for the week, a section of FYI info and a Required Response section for questions. No response means FYI and schedule is accepted. Monday, if there was a RR question, she answers. She can then ask any RR questions. Tuesda…
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/22 07:04 PM
2

Good luck to you! Good job recognizing your worth as a man and reclaiming yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 10:51 PM
5

Get your lawyer. File the initial paperwork. Your lawyer will do this. IMO The email doesnt need to be longer than the first sentence. But reading the email backwards, lets go through.... Last sentence is fine. Announcing your intentions to not use the legal system etc., must not be sent. Dont make promises you might not be able to keep. Drop instructions on entering the residence. Thats just stuff her lawyer will use and twist against you. In the immediate future....again, giving instructions w…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/22 08:47 PM
3

In Georgia, courts still default to the mother. OP should have had visitation time built in and required her to put those kids on a plane at least a few times a year. Georgia is a no fault state and (from my personal experience) dont care about behavior within the marriage. And unless you find a way to get custody, men will always pay child support in this state. ETA: now that she lives in CA, you would be having to ask for a modification in a CA court. I've read some major horror stories coming…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 07:46 PM
3

Wasnt too late/had nothing to do with why my marriage failed. Learning that it isnt a competition and that there is a 'we', but not at the expense of 'me'. 1+1 ≠ 1 me+she ≠ we Staying me and staying she is what makes 'us'. I can do anything I want. She can do anything she wants. It just so happens what we want to do in our lives is aligned with what we want from each other. At some point I read The 5 love languages and it clicked. Find someone who matches yours and you match theirs and your "act…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/22 03:55 PM
3

Just forgetting is ok. Who the F cares about it. Let it just go.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 11:00 PM
1

You and your friend need the lawyer to talk to you. The bar for contempt is so far away from rulings on motions. What I am suggesting is that there is no such thing as criminal charges in this case. Even if you did withhold a document unless you or your friend did it willingly with malice it would still take a lot to rise to contempt. Her lawyer is really getting you guys tied up in knots over things that are likely not real. Like there being jailtime in this case.
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 10:52 PM
3

Is your lawyer not explaining this to you? IANAL and this is not legal advice. This is an opinion of whats happening here. You are involved in a civil case with your wife. Your wife can file motions to the judge accusing you of things. The judge can then ask you to respond to the claim. The judge can then choose what is truth. It sounds like what happened in the time between their motion and the judge determining truth, your wife's lawyer attempted to get you to sign an agreement that you are, i…
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/22 03:58 PM
1

In my experience, the office would call me about 2 days before an action date and ask me to meet the following day. If you have a good lawyer, they will be busy people and will work on what is right in front of them. Once I realized this, I pulled way back and focused on my job and let her do hers! Worked out well in the end. She pissed off everyone. Her lawyer kept arguing and screaming about equality even after having it explained to them that equitable distribution did not mean equal distribu…
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 04:09 PM
3

I know this seems counterintuitive, but the number one thing is to stop initiating contact with your lawyer. Youre racking up fees that way and it advances nothing. Mine took 3 years because of her stalling and her pleading to win everything, even after losing. Yep, thats right. She cant negotiate, its not her character. Others would on her behalf and she would not be able to accept it and would come back for it again later or just not follow through on her obligations. You can call your lawyer …
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/22 11:51 AM
5

What do you expect to get from this? If its anything other than self gratification that you have accurately identified her personality, you're wasting money. Courts dont care. They already know you dont like each other. That's why you're both here.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/22 04:28 PM
2

There's really nothing else to communicate that cant wait until the next Sunday other than unforseen emergencies. Ive been divorced for 3 years now and have primary custody. During Christmas break she started popping of asking for more visits and it went on through early February when I told her to flat out stop.you dont have to be friends or associate. You dont even have to be nice to her. Just dont talk, ever. Never, text or write anything bad. Just dont answer if it makes you mad.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/22 01:23 AM
2

It can be done easily and effectively. You can even get this into your divorce, if you want to. This is my dont effing talk to me plan. My ex wife used to text me constantly always expecting immediate answers, always arguing, always asking why, etc. Here is how I stopped it all. It is assumed that visitation parent will be on time for pick up and delivery of kids during visits. On Sunday night, primary care parent will send an email to visitation parent. It will include the upcoming week's visit…
/r/Divorce_Men06/04/22 11:48 PM
4

Yes, your kids definitely can have a good life splitting time between mom and dad. Hopefully, they even get lucky and have other adults that come into their lives and support them, as well. Its better to be in a split home than a single divided one.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/22 05:21 PM
4

Think of all the times you thought how you wanted her back because you wanted xyz from her. She doesnt want to give you those emotions. But you want them. You want to receive those feelings from someone youre familiar with but what you really want is to receive those feelings from someone who wants to give them to you Once you let go of trying to squeeze those feelings and emotions from a dry tap, yes, you can let go and move forward.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/22 09:48 PM
5

Been here, done this. This pattern needs to be called out in your pleadings. Stop renegotiating. Esp if you have a deal you like. Then in every pleading request attorney's fees for having to negotiate and drag this out. Mine paid my entirety of the fees (53k) and i revel in how angry she is about it to this day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 03:08 PM
1

Is this a romantic interest or purely mining for information? She may or may not trust your motives are pure
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/22 12:19 AM
2

Im not saying let it go unchecked but my experience with a busy lawyer was that she did do everything last minute so it would be fresh in her mind for the next day.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/22 09:21 AM
16

Everytime you talk to your lawyer you spend money. They will talk to you when needed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 06:10 PM
3

You can find a lot of older people with many different life experiences. Youll have a broad group of people to help you while looking for that friend. Plus, they are usually social, outgoing, people who actually want to talk in detail and depth.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 09:14 PM
3

Youre not in love with her. Youre in love with the idea of her. The romanticized version of her thats in your head.
/r/Divorce_Men24/08/21 10:27 PM
7

It sounds like you need the Stop Fucking Talking To Me (TM) plan! SUNDAY Since she has the kids she starts off the communication....by email. By Sunday at 7pm you get an email with the calendar of the upcoming week and any updates from the previous week. Visitation and times etc are assumed as agreed if not otherwise questioned. Included in this email are RR (required responses) MONDAY Its your turn. Answer RRs and ask your own, if any. By 7pm TUESDAY If you asked questions she answers. If not, …
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 08:52 PM
1

Stop talking to your lawyer so much. I made this mistake thinking I needed to talk and strategize. Nope. Talk day of court or day before and only about specifics.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/21 11:57 PM
2

This is really messed up. SHE has custody of the children AND pays child support to him? I wonder what shenanigan's had to be in play for her to pay $1.25m in his legal fees? Also a link in the article: RELATED: Kelly Clarkson Has Written 60 Songs amid Divorce from Estranged Husband: 'It Is Such a Gift'
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/21 04:32 PM
4

3 years $53,000.00 Received a court ordered check from ex wife in the amount of $53,000.00
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/21 09:02 PM
12

meanwhile my ex wife looked at the state and told them, nope, not getting a job, not paying child support, ever. And the state just said, welp, ok.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/21 01:26 PM
2

Had the same issue. Be open with her about it. Talking to her about how this is your first forray post divorce and explaining how youre definitely into her will help her and you. Getting it out on the table will help you get it out of your head. Once that happens you should be able to get things working again. If youve got a good woman she will work through it with you.
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/21 05:33 PM
1

Equitable! This doesnt mean equality. But it does mean you deserve your share
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/21 01:18 AM
3

I think you are over thinking what the court views as important. Of course there is friction and problems. Why else would you be getting a divorce? You need to consult a lawyer in your state and find out if infidelity even matters to your court. In my case, my exw cheated and I had left the marriage and was living with another woman when I filed. Made no difference at all. The court is about finding the best stability and family home for your children and equitable division of assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 02:53 AM
2

He misses you too. Hang in there.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/21 12:05 AM
3

Mention this to your lawyer. The affidavit did not ask you to declare some of your finances. Also, the one I signed said it was under penalty of perjury. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth is pretty clear. Lying by omission is lying.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/21 01:27 PM
2

as long as youre being reasonable in your position, like splitting the tax credit, you should be comfortable making the request. I'd start with direct request to her before going to the court.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/21 06:01 PM
1

Weather the storm. You are going to have to anyway. Focus on the one thing that is important to you. Everything else is noise. Do not let the court or anyone associated with your case ever see you waver from talking care of your children.
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/21 07:56 PM
3

When going through this my lawyer told me that because divorce is a civil action you can ask for anything you want. For instance, my then STBXw asked the court to mandate that I refer to my daughter only by a pet name that she had made up for her. In court, in front of the judge and GAL. You can ask for anything. You can also remind her that "No", is a complete sentence.
/r/Divorce_Men10/05/21 05:25 PM
7

I wish they would just level the playing field. I [M] have full custody of both minor children and the judge allowed my ex to stick to no child support from her (including education) because I have a good job and she told the CPS people that she refuses to get a job, while using income disparity as the reason she isnt going to pay. Try that as a man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/21 10:22 PM
1

Children are extremely resilient and the younger you are is directly proportionate to accepting of change. Your child will be fine. Its better to divorce and find a strong healthy relationship instead of modeling a hopeless, loveless, dead marriage to your kids. Edit: by the way, you're not divorced, yet. There is still time to reset both of your attitudes and choose to build your communication and choose to try. Its just how it is. You can choose who you want to be and who you want to elevate i…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 08:21 PM
6

This sub shouldnt be going anywhere. The sidebar rules explain that this is not an anti woman or hare site. This is a help site for one side of a divorce equation.
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/21 08:07 PM
2

Bro, the family part. Thats not cool. Edit: not much of this is trending well. But that family part is something I couldnt work through in my situation.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 11:44 PM
0

Why does she hate your lives? Is there anything that can be done even if you just bent over backwards to do it? Would it pain you to do so? Is it a showstopper?
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/21 11:24 PM
2

Be smart. Your lawyer charges by the hour and sometimes youll be paying double or even triple time when paralegals are also involved. They will happily follow your requests. You are their customer, after all. You can spend as much money as you wish bringing up the affair, her behavior, all kinds of things. But, my experience taught me that all the court is interested in is equitable distribution of property and kids if they are involved. Focus on dividing assets and you can generally save some m…
/r/Divorce_Men19/04/21 11:21 PM
3

If there was domestic violence, there would be a police report. If there is not a police report, then it is just one's word against the other. Stop playing with her. Get the divorce done. Write up what you've put here as far as financials, split cost of house sales profit, sign over car and she has to pay for it. In fact, I would write it up so that her half of the mortgage from now to sale come out of the sales proceeds and that she has to also pay off the car from those proceeds within 30 days…
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/21 07:51 PM
2

Just remember what its like to grow up. Different between 11 and 16 and 16 to 20 were hugely different for me. Its a long term journey.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 10:31 PM
2

Ive had custody since she was 12.5 and shes about to turn 18. Ive had her sister since she was 2.5 and its a very different story. The older one is her mother's daughter. She is polite and does well in school, but she doesn't like us. She will move back to the house CPS removed her from as soon as the school year ends, we are sure of it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 08:28 PM
3

Is she missing entire weeks of school? Are you in the states? This could be a big deal for you in court and with her grades. Gotta force that. But, Id back off on her otherwise. Ive got one who has been in her room the last 5 years. I have custody, but I hear from her sister that she doesnt hide out in her room at her mother's. But hey, I can only provide a stable environment. I cant force her to participate.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/21 07:47 PM
1

It helps when youre with a good person and in the right space. I think the important part is to never compromise in selection. Dating is a good thing if youre ready. Just because you arent there every hour, youre still heavily involved in their life, from their perspective. And their perspective is whats most important
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/21 09:23 PM
-1

Then file and get a protective order.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 11:26 PM
-1

If she cant do any damage there is no reason to worry or respond. You'll have a better ground to stand on when she says you are controlling. Your lawyer can then ask about this stuff, should it get that far.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 09:15 PM
-2

I would not mess with this stuff. The passports and social security numbers and such can be taken care of in the final decree. You can require her to sign and provide those when needed (including signing to allow passports for your children to travel with you). You're right that you could be painted as controlling if you went and found that stuff and took it back. She is going to say she was scared and planning a way out and you were stopping her. What can she do with those documents? File taxes…
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/21 08:59 PM
2

I know you said youre a lawyer, you're not my lawyer, but from a friendly redditor conversation.... What if....kids we placed with biological dad, bio mom tells DFACS she refuses to get a job and tells court because of income disparity she cant afford child support and judge says well, ok. If she were to take me to court again would I have a leg to stand on to counter sue for back child support? (GA, if it matters)
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/21 01:03 PM
11

Sure youre not in love with an ideal?
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/21 11:37 PM
1

separate therapy for the two of you. I would personally seek to become able to completely disengage from any of her behavior that you refer to as 'insecure'. I seek a path to stop feeding it. At the same time, complete disengagement will set off new alarm bells. I would seek to be calm and try to stay reasonable but not condescending. I might even say that it is not fair to accuse me of something when you have no proof, or even any smoke from any fire. It is unfair and unreasonable to make me de…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/21 05:44 PM
2

Once I was emotionally finished with the relationship, things got much better for me.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/20 09:52 PM
10

I dont know. What would you do if someone stopped paying a court ordered payment to you? Yep. That's what she will do. Want to be forced to make a very large lump sum payment? Because stopping paying court ordered alimony is exactly how a single, very large, lump sum payment will happen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 01:21 AM
2

Please.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/20 12:31 AM
1

Fight. The whole way. Fight. Its the only chance you'll get
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 06:46 AM
2

I beg enough
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 05:40 AM
2

how am I used Said the inexperienced child
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 05:02 AM
2

Used like the bitch you are.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 03:39 AM
4

With these views and youre asking me if I am a woman? Run along little boy.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 03:38 AM
2

i dont need experience Dont worry. Women wont give your childish nice guy self anything of substance.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 03:22 AM
1

Youre right. Women do not want "nice guys" (little boys who put women on a pedestal and think that because they are nice a woman owes him something... go visit r/niceguys friends) Women want a man. Nothing you would know about, little boy. Go play with your toys or video games and leave adult things to the adults in the room.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 03:19 AM
3

Keep typing, child who has 0 experience. You are either a troll or a fool. Likely, both.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 03:16 AM
3

But, your 'red pill' master told you ALL. How can this one not end badly if ALL marriages end badly? Your emperor wears no clothes.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 02:56 AM
3

You're not only wrong. You're a complete moron who has no control over his own life. You think terms like red/blue/black pill mean something outside of a 90s action movie. You think men own women, now. You think that you have domination over females. That alone makes you a fool and a loser.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 02:53 AM
3

I came across Coach Greg Adams, he taught me the true nature of women, Just flat wrong. You cannot judge the "nature of women" and generalize. You havent been "red pilled", you've been duped into believing what you want to believe. Fool.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/20 02:50 AM
2

Its not taxable income per the IRS for your ex, but it has to be reported on form 709 by the parents for any amount over 15k per parent, per year.
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/20 01:11 PM
4

Have your lawyer incorporate this into your final agreement. You do not have to respond to her. And "no" is a full sentence. My ex and I were forced into parental counseling (a fucking blast) and the plan came from there. But, my lawyer petitioned the court around the middle of the 2nd (of 3) years of the process and made her stop texting anything not kid related. You could ask about incorporating this into a similar request and frame it around work duties.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/20 02:31 PM
5

Fight. Always fight. You will most likely never get another opportunity. Fight fairly (as deemed possible) and honestly and give away on things that mean little to you after making it seem like a big deal. Stop Talking Plan. You are now business partners only. CP = Custodial Parent NPP = Not CP SUNDAY between 4pm and 7pm CP sends email with pertinent FYI about upcoming kid related things. Asks any Required Responses about kid related things. Confirms,in writing, upcoming week's visitation days a…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/20 01:58 PM
1

Is there language that prioritizes holidays over school breaks and birthdays?
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/20 11:29 PM
0

I believe you're working from the wrong predisposition. You get your weeks of vacation. She does not get to tell you what you can or cannot do during those weeks. You are not asking her permission to let your children go where you want them to go during your time. This goes for weekends as well as vacations. Do not allow any language in the agreement to allow for her to have any input on what happens during your visitation time. I wouldnt even bring up the question and would simply and confident…
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/20 01:48 PM
2

What if she says no? Lol @ asking Cmon man
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 01:57 AM
1

I live in the deep bible belt. If you think the courts care about cheating or even living with someone else you might be in for a surprise depending on your judge. I lived with my gf for 2 years before we filed for divorce. They didnt care a bit.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/20 01:16 AM
1

Fuck the high road.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/20 01:23 AM
6

into mediation from a solid position. No. No. Let go of this idea. Now is the time to keep the full court press on. I felt the same way. I got screwed, I think, because the mediator was female and related to her over me. Do not let up.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/20 12:56 AM
2

I was dating and in fact she had moved in by the time my divorce was filed. No one in the entire juvenile court system including DFCS. Guardian ad Litem or Judge cared a bit for the social aspect of the divorce. They only focused on the division of assets and parenting plan for the children. YMMV.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/20 10:31 PM
1

First, court orders are not suggestions. Where I live, the court posted a reminder to parents that there was to be no suspension of any parenting order. Second, it sounds like its time for the Stop Fucking Talking To Me plan. Sunday, primary parent emails other parent and includes all relevant FYI for the previous week and anything need to know for the upcoming week. Primary parent has any questions, they go under Required Response (RR) section. Finally, upcoming visitation schedule is communica…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/20 02:43 PM
3

You'll always owe more tax if you file separately over jointly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 09:21 PM
9

While you feel that the details may be hurtful, she probably wants to know for closure and understanding. Certainly you can find a way to phrase things that are hurtful in a way that provides her the understanding she deserves?
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/20 05:01 PM
1

Writing up things like parenting plans and visitation schedules and such, when you and your STBX can agree and sign off, will save you a lot of time and money in front of an attorney as opposed to using their boiler plate documentation and adjusting it and arguing it back and forth. Same goes for finances. If you can do a lot of this together, then take them to the court (and involve a lawyer) and have them entered as court orders you will have a quick time of this.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/20 04:39 PM
3

You don't need a lawyer for this. She does not get to tell you how you raise your kids in your house and you don't get to tell her what to do in her house. Its time to get signed up for the "stop fucking talking to me" plan. Sunday night the primary custody parent initiates an email to the other. Included are FYI about the kids. kids have dentist appointment upcoming visitation for the next week is these days and hours. Then you have a Required Response (RR) only about the kids. Kid 1 said they …
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/20 11:16 PM
3

Tell your atty your concerns. If you don't get an immediate positive response, fire that lawyer and get a new one who will fight for you.
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/20 11:30 PM
1

The best pickup line continues to be: Hello, my name is _______ do you mind a chat? What is your name?
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/20 03:01 PM
3

I wouldn't buy a phone for my 12F, but her mom did and the courts/lawyers told me I could not stop it.
/r/Divorce_Men03/04/20 07:24 PM
1

your lawyer sends him the requests for information such as the financial affidavits and the court sends the command to appear at trial and produce the documents. If he does not produce the documents or if he lies on those forms the judge will enforce the rules of the court. There are very set rules in place as to how this is done. All you need to do is start the process. One of the first things that happens is that you both file your financial data for the court to see. Lying on that form or wit…
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 05:50 PM
3

the thing my lawyer and the judge had to repeatedly explain to my ex wife was that the words "equitable" and "equal" do not mean the same thing. An equitable distribution of the finances is what you're looking to accomplish. Stop talking to him about it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/20 03:57 PM
2

That's why the rant was written here and not in any message to her.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/20 02:55 PM
1

I am fortunate in the fact that I am remarried and happy, so I have both a soon to be 17F who can babysit and my wife or I can go to the store. It's kind of one of those things where she does shit like this all the time anyway to the exclusion of the 6F and she comes home really sad that she was left out or got yelled at for acting out at the store they spent 3 hours in. A month ago she came in the door crying because while the three of them went to the park, her mom and older sister "played ten…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/20 10:36 PM
9

Why would you think this needs to happen?
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/20 12:18 AM
6

We had to go through court ordered parenting counseling which is where this plan came from. We also have, through that process, been able to get some other things straight such as the I Dont Owe You An Explanation when I say No. This is no longer a relationship just because we have children. Nope. This is a business we have to run.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/20 08:36 PM
11

Here is what I call the Stop Fucking Talking To Me plan. And it has worked wonders for my attitude and helped my new relationships and such. No more phone calls. No random text messages. Nothing. Because I have custody, she was able to get a provision added to the final decree that I have to send her a weekly update email. So, on Sundays, I send her an email including any FYI I have for her and upcoming visitation schedule and a Required Response section if there are questions that require answe…
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/20 05:35 PM
1

I'm sorry, but in the grand scheme of things, that's all?
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/20 05:37 AM
1

copy your atty on all your correspondence Do you like having your atty charge you to read all your emails? This can get quite expensive.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 11:51 AM
1

now I have all my life put together Do you? Sure?
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 12:14 AM
1

Bad advice unless you like to burn money
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/20 12:04 AM
3

My story is wild. Had the marriage planned before divorce was final. Took 3 years to finalize divorce and was remarried 17 days later.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 01:44 PM
8

The stop fucking talking to me plan is fucking awesome. The best part, for me, is that my ex has no idea my wife is the one sending her all the emails lol.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 03:36 AM
7

We found a plan that works. No more texts. No more calls. Zero. Sunday, one party initiates an email with FYI and Required Responses. Monday the other replies. Tuesday the first replies, if necessary. Oh the last 8 months have been so quiet and much less stressful.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/20 02:38 AM
6

I am not a lawyer Your mileage may vary If you remove those funds, you better have a damn good reason, like caring for the kids. You can remove it, but you wont be able to hide it. Even if you spent it all on hookers and gambling, they can make you pay her back later.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/20 10:24 PM
6

Taken 2 we have your ex wife. Me: sucks to be you. Shortest movie ever.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 05:09 PM
8

What's the point of helping at her or making her try to feel some kinda way. She isnt going to feel the way you tell her to feel. How soon can you go completely no contact with her? Even if forced to cohabitate, why do you need to speak about anything other than direct business? You're already talking to someone and so is she. Why not focus your energies in those directions and to try to get the most time with your kids built into a parenting plan? As someone else said, alcohol + your stbx = emo…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/19 05:08 PM
7

One of the most important lessons of my divorce was to learn to be calm. In my case, ymmv, I found the court was interested in dividing finances, to the benefit of children, and hammering out a parenting plan. Everything else was noise. Dont be the one making noise or responding to it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/19 08:08 PM
2

am male, feel for you, stay strong. You'll get through this. have custody. have full financial responsibility for raising the kids. She gets visitations on multiple school nights (not overnight, but she is fighting for it) She doesnt even live in the school district. She pays exactly $0 in child support and even told the case worker she does not plan on ever getting a job. Imagine, as a male, saying that to a case worker or judge. Nevermind that she hid her family inheritance (pretty sure its in…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/19 05:32 PM
2

Lawyers are not amicable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 10:46 PM
6

Good. That shit can be toxic. Be well, my dude.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/19 01:28 PM
9

Who. The. Fuck. Cares. The court doesnt. Move along.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/19 02:19 AM
1

It gets better when you want it to get better.
/r/Divorce_Men01/10/19 11:01 PM
1

I have custody of both kids. Ex wife does not have to pay child support, at all. While in court ordered parent counseling, she brags about it. I asked her to pay half of drivers education for our daughter and she raised hell that she has no financial obligations and I am a monster for even asking. Why? Because she is so shitty the judge made her write me a check for the entirety of my legal fees to divorce her.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/19 10:57 AM
12

NSFW - sex comments incoming. Getting a divorce because you want more sex is not a mature thing, IMHO, for one to do. Have you visited the friends over at /r/DeadBedRoomSupport ? There are many variations on the deadbedroom subs that you may find helpful (beware there is also cancer there) But, this seems like something that two mature and married adults should be able to talk about, quite openly. You say you crave sex multiple times a day. Also M here and so do I, but I also know that if I was …
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/19 03:59 PM
2

Oh, its thrilling. Maybe once it's done I'll tell the stories. Edit: My new wife and I went on an adult weekend trip this past weekend and because she isnt allowed to text me, it was so calm and nice for the first time in 3 years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/19 11:50 PM
3

"we"? who the F is we? And seriously, I wish I was y'alls lawyer. The fees must be outrageous.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 04:45 PM
7

I bet your lawyer loves you every billing cycle.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/19 10:44 AM
1

This is solid advice OP. It sucks to have to pay lawyers to get common sense ordered, but that's what you will have to do here. I would consider also adding that the court should view this as why you should be given sole legal and physical custody. If that gets shot down then ask for a clause to be added that you have complete final decision making authority. I have that in mine. It says I consult with her, but the final decisions are mine to make.
/r/Divorce_Men02/08/19 08:39 PM
3

I'm still PISSED that while I have custody of our two kids and she told DFCS that she wont be getting a job, and she refused to disclose her inheritance, even though ordered by the court...and she doesnt have to pay me a dime in child support. In fact, she is not legally obligated to support her kids financially in any way. Yeah, I'm sure if roles were reversed I would have gotten similar favoritism.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 10:01 PM
8

petty waste of time and money
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/19 12:42 PM
7

IANAL and this is not legal advice You can take YOUR kids anywhere you want to until a judge signs an order saying you cannot.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 08:45 PM
1

i guess they haven't heard of 'earning potential'. Oh, you have that degree and you filed these 1040s with a 200k salary until the day she asked for a divorce? Yeah, simple and easy - and obvious.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/19 04:09 PM
1

Im surprised that if CPS is involved the court didnt assign a court appointed advocate for the kids in your divorce case. But, no matter. You need to get CPS on board and for them to write that same letter to the judge, but this time on your behalf. Good luck out there.
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/19 04:04 PM
1

The Guardian ad Litem. Get them on board and you'll get it. Without that youd have to have your ex to agree and if it were me, mo way I'd let you out of that corner. Most times there's reasons for ordered supervision and having been the other side of the table from the parent who required supervision, there was no way I was going to let the GaL think I was ok with it. That would have reflected badly on me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/19 11:16 PM
2

This is a huge red flag. Before you've even retained the lawyer has given away 8k/month. This is a one swing at the plate opportunity. You fight for every single blade of grass you can get. You take the most extreme, but reasonable, position possible. You get it all, she gets nothing, and back off from there. From there you can appear reasonable while giving away on the items you didn't care about allowing you to fight harder for the things you do care about without looking like you're fighting …
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/19 08:50 PM
1

I know it is tough to work through. But you will. I have the very fortunate position of hindsight and also very good knowledge of exactly what my X was going to do and she did each of the things I told my lawyer she was going to do. Put some thought into how you expect her to respond and start working out a strategy to win. You do not have to answer text messages. No. (it's a complete sentence) Remember, the court does not want to hear your opinions. And that is exactly what they are. You have a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/19 04:55 PM
5

Here is what you are going to do. Have you filed? Do it,do it first. From here out you will ask for the sun, the moon, and the stars, and you will do it first, but fairly. You will put these requests in your initial filing and you will then be as 'reasonable' as you feel necessary to negotiate. You get exactly one swing in this game. There is a lot of theater in the court system. People want to see you 'working with' and 'co parenting'. Let them see it. Then, get what you need. You are going to …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/19 01:53 AM
2

btw, if you double tap the enter key, you can create paragraphs that are much easier to digest. You're doing well, my dude. You ever need someone to bounce something off of, send me a PM. But, also be patient, I dont log in daily, but often enough. Don't put women on a pedestal anymore. I had to learn that one myself. Once you get to where you and she are equals, man do things get good. I've tried to help people understand that divorce and any relationship breakup is like a big grassy hill in fr…
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/19 02:03 PM
1

Until there is a legal document that details what you can and cannot do, you are a parent. As long as there is nothing from the court telling you that you cannot leave the state, there should be nothing preventing you from leaving with the child.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 08:31 PM
1

I think this is on a per state basis.
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/19 02:34 PM
5

Look into modifying the parenting plan to state that both of your birthdays supercede any other holiday Should be readily accepted by the court Since your birthday falls around Memorial Day weekend, here and there, also suggest that as a fair trade, you get every Memorial Day weekend and she gets every Labor Day weekend. I've been in a similar situation to this where DFCS was involved with my ex and she is completely unhinged. The more level and respectful you appear to be in the face of her ang…
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/19 08:44 PM
2

it is worth any price and it is especially sweet when she thinks she has you over a barrel but you end up with full custody, no alimony, and a wonderful new wife (who has been supportive and by my side through all of it). Then, while having no financial responsibilities, at all, keeps whining for more and more to the point the judge not only says no, but makes her pay all 3 years of my lawyer Bill's. Sweet doesn't even begin to describe the feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/19 05:18 PM
2

of course we suggested that. But it worked out well enough for me in the end when the crazy loon couldn't stop grubbing for money and they made her pay all of my legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/19 08:27 PM
3

my ex wife was able to get the court to agree to allow her to buy me out of the mortgage by refinancing it or paying it off....for what I owed on the house.
/r/Divorce_Men23/05/19 05:30 PM
2

Go for it. Don't bend. Your counselor is correct. The judge does not want to be involved in your drama or see the sausage making procedure. My judge told us, after 24 months of her stalling and bickering to "solve the division of assets to the benefit of the children, or I'll do it for you". I have custody of my girls and she still asked for every dime I have. It did not go well for her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/19 04:58 PM
2

lawyers fees can be requested, depending on state laws. Will they get them? Up to the judge. It only usually happens if one party does something badly in the effort
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/19 08:06 PM
1

I just went through this. My lawyer explained to me that the judge cannot order a person to file taxes a specific way. Actually, cannot even order you to file a return, at all. However, your marital status on the last day of the year determines if you are allowed to file married or single. You should not be filing single if you are married. You should be filing as married filing jointly, separately, or as Head of Household. HoH is the option it sounds like best fits what you are looking to do, b…
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/19 07:52 PM
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