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4rdfun Archive

View 11 posts and 136 comments by 4rdfun on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

It sounds like you may feel guilty that the family is now broken, I know I do. But I also know I busted my ass to try and save it, she was done though. Now my only regret is having given too much which took its toll when we finally split, or when she finally said she wanted to split.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 09:58 PM
4

And what a glorious day that is!
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 08:41 PM
2

Oh, that sucks man, I thought California was bad, but we’re more of a 50-50 state, except custody leans towards the woman. And I have heard of cases where the woman was the breadwinner and the guy ended up coming out ahead. Unfortunately, my ex was a “stay home mom. “ I got the financial shaft. I think the worst part about it aside from seeing less of one of my two kids as that she gets a chunk of my retirement, bullshit, but dwelling on it isn’t gonna help me one bit, I know, I tried being bitt…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 08:06 PM
4

Good advice, although some people get so depressed, they can’t even get out of bed, thankfully that didn’t last too long for me and I’m back getting after it. Personally, It wasn’t that she left, it was I don’t get to see my youngest son as much, I miss all the day-to-day stuff. But it is what it is and I’ll be here for him when he’s older and I’ll be a man that he can be proud of.
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:57 PM
2

I’m pretty sure my depression was brewing in the last couple years of my marriage, it was clear she had given up even though I was fighting to save our family, we have school aged children, so it would’ve been worth it to me to work it out. After I moved out and in with my parents things got really dark for me, I tried a whole bunch of different medication‘s and therapy, nothing helped. My 50th birthday had to be the most miserable day of my life. I’m thankful I didn’t do anything stupid in that…
/r/Divorce_Men29/07/24 07:54 PM
5

The hypocrisy of her expectations
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:48 PM
3

Changing for someone never works, they’ll never be happy so don’t change, because if you do, then you gotta find yourself after things fall apart.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/24 05:44 PM
2

If you have kids, I would think long and hard about the consequences of a move like this. Definitely get some legal advice, but financially you’re gonna take a beating, custody battles are ugly, false accusations, and all that.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/24 03:05 PM
2

Well said
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 05:13 PM
1

I think a bad marriage brings out narcissism, which definitely was the case for my situation. I don’t think she’s an actual narcissist, but the behaviors sure do line up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/24 05:12 PM
5

I feel you, I probably would’ve checked out by now if it wasn’t for my two sons, ages 17 and 8. The teen lives with me, but the other one I only see every other weekend now which really hurts, she really tried the character assassination approach with the court, all kinds of accusations, I’m an abusive alcoholic, financial, abuse, etc., etc. insulted me in text messages, telling me I’m not a real man, etc., etc.. this is somebody I was with and provided for for close to 20 years, it all feels li…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/24 08:14 PM
13

My wife would get physical with me, I never hit her, but I would push her off of me. During the divorce, she accuse me of being an abusive alcoholic.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/24 05:12 PM
7

Yes I would, she's the mother of my kids and I did love her once.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/24 12:01 AM
3

When therapy works, it works. But most of the time it doesn’t and the results are catastrophic. I’m convinced it’s what put the final nail in the coffin. My ex has a flare for the dramatic, and I imagined those points were leveraged and did not support her staying in the marriage. I wouldn’t give two fucks, except for we tore apart our family and both the kids are now struggling.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/24 11:38 PM
10

I miss having a plan for my life, but most significantly, I miss my children having a home with both parents in it, divorces really hard on kids, I would’ve stayed in the shitty marriage for them.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 03:03 PM
5

She'll do it now, or in 5 years when you finally leave, get it over with. Don't worry about the accusations, they (court/attorneys) have heard them all. The longer you stay with her the more she'll be entitled to.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/24 12:29 AM
7

Yup, don't f up your kids childhood for some strange, man-up, you have a good life and relationships can go in two directions so you have hope there too. I would have stayed in a miserable marriage for my kids, but I'm not the one who filed.
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/24 08:44 PM
10

Consider yourself lucky you have no kids with her. Run! At 36 you have so much time to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men22/12/23 04:38 PM
8

Good to hear, my divorce has been brutal on my kids, I would have gladly tolerated my shitty marriage to keep my kids from having to go through this, my teen has really suffered and just this weekend had a breakdown landing him in the ER. Best of luck to you and your family.
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/23 05:46 PM
1

WTF? If she doesn't want to ruin the holidays why tell you now? Hang in there man, you'll get through this, it'll suck, but you'll make it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:04 AM
1

Not me, this fucking sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 12:02 AM
4

I’m 51 and totally relate
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/23 10:19 PM
2

Despite what a lot of the other comments say, I think it’s worth the consideration, you have kids in the mix, and especially if they’re younger, it’s gonna be really hard on everyone not just you and the wife. Try to remain as objective as possible, even though that’s all but impossible. 3 months isn’t a lot of time. Best of luck to you.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/23 08:08 PM
3

For me, it made it worse, basically stirred up a whole bunch of shit and then left us hanging after the session was over. Then the therapist had a one on one session with my wife and I guess they had a misunderstanding that he wouldn’t do that with both of us, so we stop seeing him and shortly there after she said she was done, but honestly, she was done for years. I honestly wish we never tried, I was the one that pushed us there cause I wanted a better marriage. But the whole divorce process h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/23 01:03 AM
9

If you don't have kids consider yourself lucky in this case, and head back over seas, change it up.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/23 04:30 PM
3

It sucks, but it sucks worse more the longer you stay married, ie, you pay out more.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/23 02:47 AM
2

Similar boat, kids are my reason to keep on trucking although if it wasn't for them this divorce would be much easier in one respect, I've gotten an obscene amount busier being a single parent of an almost 17yo and a lot more commute time with my 7-year-old being about 1h+ away who my ex has primary custody of. I've tried some meds but the side effects just suck. Lexapro was the most effective but I was tired all the time. I just had a telehealth today and am going to try a low-dose ketamine pro…
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/23 06:09 PM
1

It's like they're following some script, mine used to berate my son then turn on me to go let him have it, then let me have it for not letting him have it. Now she can't even talk to me on the phone about the same son's mental health issues (mainly due to his mom making him feel like a worthless piece of shit...) due to her "PTSD", what the actual fuck?
/r/Divorce_Men31/07/23 10:16 PM
2

Right on, yeah he's getting a pocket knife, bb gun, some custom dog tags, along with the muscle car lego set and some new pj's. He's a guys guy at 7, both my sons are, me too, she hates it which is an added bonus, but I'm not doing this to spite her, just doing this to teach him gun safety and have some father/son fun in the backyard.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 07:47 PM
2

That and the teen was going to ask the court to intervene, once I told her that, she backed off. I’m sure the 7 yo will hit a point with her, I’m guessing around 9 or 10 when the fantasy wears thin and he becomes his own person
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 02:05 PM
1

I’ve read it, biggest concern is her whining to the custody evaluator to bias him/her, but yeah, I’m keeping it, my boy will love it and I’ll love the time with him.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 02:02 PM
2

Thank you, while she’s not in her right mind, the court is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 02:00 PM
1

Right on, appreciate the kind words and support. Yeah it’s funny, my 16 year old is now living with me full-time, we’ve grown closer during this difficult time at the moment where I thought he’d be pulling away because of his age. Basically, his mother forced him to choose a side, and as much as it breaks my heart to see him have to be put in such a position, I’m very thankful that I have him with me. The battle now is all about the six-year-old who will be seven next week. And good call about t…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/23 03:09 AM
2

Well said, do you like David Goggins? His audio books are a great gym companion, the second one is pure gold, 1st is great too. If you haven't heard of him, I'd encourage you to check it out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 05:59 PM
3

Well well well, I appreciate all the well intended comments about mediation, exercise over supplementation etc etc.. Yeah, I get it, I was at the top of my game about 4 years ago in my mid 40's and the best shape of my life in mind, body and spirit. Gym addict, long ass mtn bike rides almost every early morning weather and daylight permitting, daily meditator with week long annual silent retreats. I read, didn't drink, used weed sparingly to help sleep on occasion. So yeah, I get it. I'm not a v…
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 04:33 PM
1

I’m well-versed with meditation practice, I used to go to an annual silent meditation retreat and meditated daily. One of the many good habits I stop doing that depression took away from me. Lexapro for me is a bridge not a destination.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/23 03:11 PM
1

>>she thought I should give the same amount of money to her parents for fair treatment even her parents in good health and didn’t ask. Yeah, I know her, that's my STBX too, run, man, fucking run. The competitive tit for tat shit, get out while you can, especially since you don't have kids. 40 isn't old, you got time to rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 04:41 AM
3

How old are the kids? if school age, maybe, but seems like a bad idea, if teens or late teens I'd definitely move on. For me the factors in sticking it out while insisting on therapy (or an attorney, was the ultimatum) as long as I did were the kids (16/6, boys) and financial implications of her not working. She ended up filing anyhow and now I'm forcing her through the process by fling motions while it's been 9 mo since separation and she's still trying to milk the stay at home mom bullshit. On…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/23 09:40 PM
0

I had one that replied to something I posted with "you sounds like my ex", I didn't appreciate or see the point of the comment, and pissed me off for all of 30 seconds which was weird it even got to me. But meh, whatever.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 09:08 PM
1

In CA there is apparently an interrelation between the two, the more child support she gets which is based on % of custody time the less spousal, not sure why, maybe it's because some of that money is for rent, etc. that needs to be paid with or w\o kids. She won't need anything from me when I'm dead so that point may not work unless I die before her parents, at least I don't think it will. Her parents are loaded.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 08:56 PM
1

That's not a bad idea, just give her the house, no idea what the amount of buying her off would be, probably have about 400k in equity. Kids complicate it although one will be 18 in less than two years, the other one is only six and why I tried to stick it out with the crazy bitch who just went even further off the deep end during covid, but that's a whole other story, an epic no less but something that is making it into court records as we battle for custody.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 07:13 PM
1

It took me a while to realize I was going to him too often. I have ARAG legal insurance but the attorneys for what I knew would be an ugly divorce were just not up to par. But, I did use the ARAG help line before I hired my attorney and got connected to decent attorneys via phone, I can use that as often as I need and the few I spoke to seemed competent, they just can't represent me though ARAG. I guess they save the shitting ones for that. So I plan on leveraging that moving forward for the pet…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 07:01 PM
1

RE job: My attorney is requesting the court issue a gavron warning, last hearing the judge differed to next court hearing which is in February, the judge did directly tell her she needs to work on becoming self supporting and if she can't show she can buy me out we'll need to sell the house which is depreciating due to market. Her parents are loaded but they'll holding back so she can squeeze every dollar out of me. If this wasn't my life, it'd be a great drama to watch unfold. The only reason t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 06:54 PM
1

I think her 3rd one was all out for the billable, she racked up 7k, my attorney has no idea what they did since he had two communications with her during that time. It's like the beginning with the latest one and good point about her lawyer (and mine) having to review all those and the costs. I'll address that with mine if I can get his attention. He's good, but not responsive, but I do get decent support from the paralegal, I think in many cases though it has saved me more than it would have co…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 05:55 AM
1

Yup, #4.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 05:51 AM
1

My STBX's lawyer just sent me a "Demand for Production of Documents" and that's on the list, she filed in late may I think. She may not be entitled to it but you having that money could be a factor in alimony and child support, at least I suspect it would in my case since cost of living is so high here in CA and she hasn't been employed most of our 16yo marriage and isn't now, not even looking.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 05:15 AM
2

Yeah, it's not impossible, I just thought I was done when I did all my financial disclosure shit for my lawyer. And until recently I've been highly disorganized since moving to my parent's house, so I'll have to re-do some stuff I already did. Just appreciate this forum and reddit forums in general have been a godsend for the shit I'm going through, Turned 50 this year to top it all off, but making some good changes and will be better off in the long run w\o this bitch in my daily life.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:22 AM
1

Thanks, I appreciate the perspective, just kinda threw me since we're on month 8 since she filed but she's been dragging ass. I had to petition the court and child services to try and get support amounts set and a host of other things, like she needs to get a job at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/22 01:19 AM
1

Fair point, thank you. She does not have exclusive use of the home. My hope is this aids in demonstrating a pattern of behavior (I'll spare you the list), the hill I will die on is regarding custody of my two sons.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/22 06:20 PM
1

What's done is done.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 06:37 PM
1

PG&E was over $400 last month, this person is using resources I pay for to take care of an out door cat.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 06:37 PM
1

Thanks man (gtivr4), it's a week long, but I tend to agree with you, just creates conflict. I've got a message into my attorney asking how to respond. I mainly want to use this against her, ie lack of respect for legal boundaries, she does it with the kids all the time which is where my true fight lies.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 06:35 PM
2

I'm just hoping this can be used against her in court, she has a pattern of exceeding her legal boundaries, especially on issues with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/22 02:35 AM
1

Yeah, the kids definitely complicate things, my stbx and I are going through a really contentious divorce but I always have to realize that that is my two sons 6 & 16 mother. I’m sure you’ve already talk to your lawyer, I wonder if there’s any way to protect yourself, but keep her on your insurance.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 01:33 AM
1

Tough spot man, and you're a good human for agenizing over this. Fucking sucks we live in a country where insurance is such a big deal. The life insurance question someone else asked is a good point, you have a life to live weather she passes or not. No one can answer this but you, you've got the mirror you'll look into 10 years from now, who do you want to see?
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/22 12:02 AM
1

I totally appreciate this sounds trite, but be thankful you have your kids with you. I'm in the fight of my life to have 50/50 custody with my two sons, leaving me no time to mourn the loss of the future I was building with my wife. Take care of yourself. I started SSRI's and seems to helping me get back to the gym and weather the storm of a nasty divorce. For a while when I didn't have the kids I barely had the motivation for proper hygiene. Good luck my man, this forum has proven so valuable f…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 01:12 AM
2

Well said, I long for the day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/22 06:17 PM
1

My lawyer sent an appeal to the court to intervene as we await the final divorce, probably spring. STBX is dragging ass on everything, now on her 3rd attorney. Her latest attorney fired back with a host of allegations and demands, my rebuttal was to that document.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 07:02 PM
3

Interesting, I don't plan to try and date for some time, I need to work on my shit and recover from the trauma this has brought up, also divorce still not final and it's going to get worse. But, I assumed a single mom would be more relatable.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 05:23 PM
2

I have Arag, decided to go out of pocket after I met my assigned attorney, going to cost me many thousands but unless you have a real clean case and just need help with paperwork, I'd shop around. My case is super contentious, mediation not an option, so I need the best and I'll worry about how to pay for it later. This is the rest of our lives we're talking about, I also have kids, so all the more reason, fuck the money. Arag also has a legal help line to connect you with a pool of attorneys, i…
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 09:02 PM
0

It's probably why you put up with her bullshit. Mine didn't age well, no longer hot, helps a lot with the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 06:43 PM
1

Great idea, and I did just have full bloodwork done, liver function AOK, unless you mean something more specific than the usual 50yo blood panel.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 04:34 PM
1

I know this is an old thread but I finally got prescribed lexipro, how cold she use that against me? Is it like "he not mentally stable or something"?
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 03:33 AM
1

I can't access the link for some reason. My STBX is making DV claims from over 10 years ago. The fact is, should would literally corner and shive me, I pushed her away and now she spins that as I was an abuser.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 02:34 AM
1

Sounds like a win to me. If she's worried about her relationship she met on line, she's a shitty mother and her priorities are out of whack. I'd cut off my dick for full custody.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 01:38 AM
7

done.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 01:10 AM
1

Thanks man, I just signed and sent to my lawyer. This whole thing sucks. I sound like a cliché but STBX is delusional, she used to attack me, I'd push her off / away or plow past her her and she claims I was abusive. I worry she's going to pull the same shit with him.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/22 12:38 AM
5

I think I'll sign as is and submit, hope I'm not fucking up with my boy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 11:25 PM
5

Rebuttal is due in less than 2 hours, if I don't submit it, her version stands.
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 11:23 PM
1

You just got the 50/50 so he hasn't seen you living your life. And with the bad mouthing you're starting at a deficit. I'm 9 months separated and living with my parents, I was super involved with my sons (now 6 & 16) on an authentic level. I have relationships with my boys, my STBX drives them to events. I play with my 6 yo, STBX does play dates. When I drive my teen to school I let him DJ and we end up talking deep, STBX tells him "how it is" and listens to her audiobooks (which of course he ha…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/22 01:49 AM
1

Damn, you nailed it, weird how common this is.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 07:15 PM
4

You stole the script from my non employed STBX. I make 150, she makes 0, I'm fucked and she trying to get full custody too. Good times.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 05:12 AM
1

Ironically I did and I thought maybe I am, so I looked into it, found a lot of good info, made me think of STBX then found this and realized I had been subject to gaslighting. What a ride.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/22 03:57 AM
2

Does your believe in chem trails and we're all being poisoned from EMF's too?
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 09:06 PM
4

Oh yes, this is after she was going to be a professional feng shui consultant, and host of other ideas. Although at this point, she wants to start an outdoor elementary school in the woods. Hopefully this craziness works in my favor as she lobs false accusations of me driving drunk all over the place with my kids in the car.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 05:33 PM
3

Makes me think I should make a match.com for mine. "Energy healing narcissist seeks beta male to kiss ass while denying his own masculinity. Must be willing to sleep in sperate room and fully support me emotionally and financially". Meh, maybe if she was hot.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 04:16 AM
1

Nice, I wish you luck, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 04:13 AM
1

I'd kill for more time with my son, count those blessings, no trivialization of your situation intended.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:51 AM
3

Wise words, the anger is hard. Sense of betrayal, and the daily reminders through texts or the parent app just keeps me spinning. I don't want to feel this hate, I know it's bad for my mind, body and my soul.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:49 AM
3

10 Toxic Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdB0NY9JmUY
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:47 AM
0

yeah sure, but none of us would be here had we followed that "advice".
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:45 AM
2

Current state of western culture is men are evil, double evil if you're white. we're dispensable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:44 AM
2

yeah, I'll be paying for this mistake until I die, she get's a good chunk of my pension when I retire, her latest lawyer is already asking for the details so I can withdraw now at a huge penalty to pay her attorney fees. Only saving grace is my 16yo son is realizing what a piece of shit she is. I can't loose my kids, I wired to be dad and that's also why I am still here.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:42 AM
6

yeah no shit man, not sure what's wrong with me. fucking moral compass is out of whack. at least I turned off the cc a few months ago, before that it was more like 2500 a month + all expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:39 AM
5

10 Toxic Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdB0NY9JmUY this may be helpful for you
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:33 AM
11

I feel ya man, here's my sad story as of today. Going on 8 months here, she's on her 3rd attorney. My lawyer sent a draft of an appeal to the court to warn her she needs to have an income (she's worked about 12 months out of 16 years), we need to sell the house, I should get 50/50 custody. I'm 50 living with my parents, broke as fuck since I pay the mortgage, all bills, insurance, lawyer fees and give her 1000 a month so she can buy essentials. My lawyer said I can stop but decided since it's th…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/22 03:29 AM
1

Thank God you don't have children involved (assuming so since you didn't mention it) and take a look here about from fathers you'll see little longing for the woman who birthed them. You can start fresh and will some day look back on this as an important experience that will make you better for your next relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men16/11/22 05:16 PM
1

In the state of CA assets acquired before the marriage are yours and that is recorded in the disclosures. My guess is your main risk is if she was awarded more than you can afford, then you may need to consider borrowing against it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/22 03:36 PM
2

Same, I had to share it here. Like waking up from the Matrix. Have a good one and good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 04:46 PM
6

Stats show boys fare better in life with more father time (unless dad is a POS but I got the feeling you're a good dad or wouldn't even be here trying to sort it), more true as they get older. Kids also have one childhood, they/we don't get these years back. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 03:11 PM
5

Depends on the women, in this cultural moment, mid to upper class white women in particular, want to have their cake and eat it too, so very entitled, think they "deserve to be happy" and if they're not, well "you asshole", on and on. Pro tip, spoiled people will never be happy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 02:53 PM
8

Paying off debt, while admirable, shouldn't be prioritized over raising a son. I would (and am) do whatever I can to get primary/full custody. Probably a good angle to explore with your attorney. You guys can always re negotiate custody later, also as your son gets older, he has more of a say on where he resides and for how long.
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 02:50 PM
1

Totally, puts things in perspective. Good luck with your "mistake" and wish me luck with mine!
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/22 02:40 PM
2

$600 is a bargain, most of us spend thousands.
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:31 PM
2

Shit, you may be right, but (there's always a but), she doesn't work, has the kids about 60%, how will she feed them? I'm giving her 1000 a mo, plus all household expenses paid. she now tells the teen when he wants anything, "your dad has all the money".
/r/Divorce_Men03/11/22 01:35 AM
2

Does that work both ways? When I did the calculations on what she was consuming money wise it was way over what the court calculators indicate, So I turned off the open ended credit card, give her a lump sum and cover ALL household expenses including mortgage, her phone, etc and I haven't lived there for 7 months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 03:18 PM
3

Right on, hope you had a great time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/22 03:15 PM
2

Man, get out now. You don't have kids I assume, you're young, I envy the position you are in.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 06:29 PM
1

For me, counseling failed miserably in the failing marriage so I see no point in anything resembling that, stbx is totally unreasonable, 7mo since separation and she's not even looking for work, wants full custody, etc. I'd put my money in making sure the custody agreements are air-tight and there is no ambiguity.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/22 06:27 PM
1

It's tough, been separated for 7 months now, praying the divorce is finalized soon. It's tough because we build a life around our family, it becomes our identity, we invest om our most precious commodity in it which is our time, we plan for retirement together, etc. etc.. So yeah man, you're not crazy, just human, Best of luck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/22 04:46 PM
1

Thanks, I just don't want to make anything worse while we're in legal limbo and also not have any drama in front of the kids. As for the house, I've told her that repeatedly, she behaves as if she has legal exclusive use, her attorney asked for that a couple weeks ago along with a schedule that landed me at 6 days a month, hell no!, my attorney replied by filing an appeal (I'm not sure on the exact jargon here) to the court to resolve spousal support, child support. 50/50 custody, sell the house…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 10:04 PM
3

It sucks man, but you need to force her to deal with the new reality. I'm in a similar situation with my STBX and I hate having to being the "bad-guy" because I'm the adult in the room. The only way to do this is through court orders via an attorney, at least for me it's the only way. The sooner you get closure the sooner you can rebuild.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 03:53 PM
0

It's a cultural phenonium in the US and probably in many other western countries. I used to hate watching sitcoms in the 90's where all of a sudden the typical father figure was consistently portrayed as a bumbling idiot more often than not, the butt of all jokes and all that crap. Fortunately, not every American woman is like that and there seems to be a growing desire for more traditional values. Seems to be worse with white women. And no, I'm not arguing we bring back Father Knows Best while …
/r/Divorce_Men15/10/22 05:59 PM
2

If you're going to do it, do it before you hit that 10 year mark, she'll be entitled to a lot more if you hit the 10 year mark. An agreed on separation date I think would be good enough. Talk to an attorney. and consider counseling if you're not already doing that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 04:51 PM
2

Just pull it out and tell her your going to record it, that'll change her tone or shut her up, either is good. Also try to get her to use (our family wizard or similar court approved app), mine refuses, communication sucks but it's another data point for my case.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:29 PM
1

+1, hire a good attorney, I almost went with my legal insurance, but glad I listened to that voice that said invest now to save in the future and my kids. This is the rest of our lives we're talking about.
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:28 PM
1

Don't let her drag it out, the faster you move the sooner you can move on. You know your wife, but for me mediation was a joke and I just threw a bunch of money at my attorney to file motions to get things rolling. Meanwhile it's been 6mo, living with my parents she's dragging ass because why not have her cake and eat it too? and she refuses to seek employment, which is one of the motions being filed. Cake = she's acting as the primary parent, acting like she has sole possession of the house and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/22 04:26 PM
1

You need to learn how to live with yourself, hobbies, join the gym, join a local club or something. If you want to move on and find a woman that’s right for you that’s more than likely to happen when you don’t have a cloud of loneliness above you. Also count your blessings, I’m assuming you don’t have children otherwise I would’ve been on your post. I’m going through a nasty divorce right now and having to fight for every hour that I get to spend with my children. Could be worse man.
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/22 01:52 PM
2

Good call, that would be a horrible situation to be in and your son (I have a 16yo son myself, and one 6yo son) would pick up on it, don't do that to yourself. I'm sure he'll miss you but the hunting weekend with just you guys totally is more valuable than some bullshit party. Hang in there man, this stuff sucks and I for one am smack dab in the middle of it presently.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/22 02:28 PM
1

Just my $.02, if you guys were good with communication you wouldn't be divorcing. There is so much well meaning advice I'd like to give my STBX for the sake of my sons, I want them to have a good relationship with their mom. But she is who she is and anything coming from me won't be heard and likely taken as an affront. And my boys tell me the same thing, I just be the one they can talk to and feel heard, that will benefit them for years and as a guy, it sets a good example for how I want them t…
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/22 05:00 PM
2

Pre divorce you guys need a a legal custody agreement to compliment the restraining order. The more of an air tight agreement you can get on kids and financials the less you'll need to deal and put up with her shit. Also that agreement likely will influence what you get in the final court agreement. I know it's probably not an option, but if you can get those agreements AND get out of the house that will help.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 09:31 PM
1

Yeah for sure, sitting around crying in our beers doesn't sound like a good idea, although I'm more in the pissed off phase and happy to be done with her. Kids make it all tangled. But that's not a bad idea. I looked for a meetup around here but everything seems to be on line.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 09:10 PM
2

California, Monterey/Santa Cruz county area.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 08:53 PM
1

Yeah totally agree, out culture has gone off the rails in over compensating for women. Add to that, she has a toxic mother who badmouths men in general, including her husband. I used to get shit for going out to eat, this was going to the sandwich shop while i was working and the poor thing who doesn't work had to make her own lunch at home.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 08:52 PM
1

Totally, this forum while helpful, an in person support group would be even better.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 07:18 PM
1

I appreciate the way you think, thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:46 PM
2

I needed to hear that, thanks man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:44 PM
1

Ah you do the caps, I just take a heaping teaspoon and try not to inhale it. Have a good day man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:43 PM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:41 PM
2

Damn, that's a really good point. I suspect you're a glass is half full kinda a guy, thanks for the perspective.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:41 PM
1

yeah I appreciate the well intended advice, it's time for me to lay off the sauce, the cycle of drinking sucks. I think in all of us there are these self destructive tendencies, so counter productive but the exists, so alcohol not only passes the time, it checks the "ah fuck it!" box too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:38 PM
2

Yeah thanks man, I'm a huge fan of Kratom, totally helps in the morning with anxiety. Good advice for others too.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 02:35 PM
1

Nope, I am not him.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 01:32 AM
1

Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/22 01:32 AM
7

Yeah, good call, I do use lightly in the evening for sleep, I think I should skip the booze after work and just smoke a little. I know the alcohol, while helps pass the time, doesn't help with my mood.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 09:01 PM
2

Thanks, yeah I'm in Therapy which I think is helpful but I'm usually kinda a mess after my sessions. Got prescribe diazepam for anxiety but they just don't seem to work on me and the last thing I need is a new bad habit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 07:21 PM
1

Same boat here, I'm just throwing away my future over this and sacrificing my ability to provide for my kids. My approach is to do whatever I can to hurry this damn thing along, unfortunately that requires my lawyer filing motions which is adding up. But at some point I'll at least where I stand all be it likely in a pile of ruins.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/22 04:16 PM
2

Well said, I feel for the OP and have had those same thoughts, but I can't do that to my boys, ex is my mistake, they shouldn't loose their dad because of my choices. But fuck, this is so fucking hard. divorce not final, living off my cc's, at my parents and she's making fucking cookies and arranging play dates while I fund her fantasy world.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 07:17 PM
2

Same boat here, separated on 4/1, living at my parents ('m 50 btw), she doesn't work and I pay for every damn thing and when I call it out I get called petty. This get better when we have a court order and or when the D if finalized, until then, this woman if a f-ing monster.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/22 06:17 PM
1

Easier said than done, but be solid, we need to be the men our children see us as, if we can come remotely close to that it will get better. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/22 01:04 AM
6

Rough spot my friend, I'm in the early stages, my x is a lazy entitled POS who sits on her ass (no employment)while I gather discovery docs for our pending court case after 10-10 work days. I'm in CA and will get screwed financially but I care more about 50/50 with the kids. About you being Naive, hell no man, don't feed yourself that bullshit. You did your best and did what sounds fair. I can't help but wonder why the agreement isn't legally enforceable? That's where I'd start. Again, don't fee…
/r/Divorce_Men30/06/22 03:40 PM
1

Damn I needed to read this, thank you. I'm in the early stages, every week is manipulation and whittling away at my time with my boys. Their mom is nuts, conspiracy theory crap, gives my crap if my 6y watches me an his bother play a racing video game, I'm teaching how to read because he wants to learn. She doesn't think he should yet, is home schooling him and the divorce process in CA is just so f-ing slow. And yes of course she is asking for full custody and is not employed but is going to do …
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 05:13 PM
1

Good luck man, this stuff is hard. Sounds like she may be using the kids to get back at you which is true in my case. Just make sure you're careful about moving out and if you do, get those overnights or it could hurt your long term custody.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/22 05:01 PM
1

RE connection, when I'm with my kids, I'm with my kids, talking, hiking, bonding. My X is all about token activities where she watches them do things, at home she ignores the little one while looking at crap on her phone (my teen complains about it too) I do things with them. RE: backfire, kids love both their parents, when one spews toxic crap from a narcist's mouth it just pushed the kids closer to the other parent.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 07:41 PM
1

Count your blessings, me ex is trying to take the kids from me.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/22 07:34 PM
5

yeah +1 on the support pillow, it's what some parents do. I'm in the beginning, paperwork filed be her first but she never served me so I had my lawyer essentially serve her through her attorney so no she can't take my kids out of state for a month like she was planning. I haven't been in the bed with her for 6 years and while it was cool with an infant she basically uses him as her support animal and my oldest (15) to bitch about me, fortunately he's (15yo) wise to her but is also scared of her…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/22 05:04 PM
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