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AbundantOverflow Archive

View 6 posts and 309 comments by AbundantOverflow on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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86

This is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on Reddit. The clarity and accuracy is ::chef’s kiss::. Thank you for saying all of this. It tracks beat for beat with the man I referenced. This is why I stopped trying to make sense of things when something seems “off.” They are never worth the investigation and HVM don’t require it. I let my spidey senses and observation lead the way, and I’ve dodged many bullets as a result. It really shouldn’t take this level of strategy, defense, and vigilance j…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 12:18 AM
5

Sending you a big hug. Thank you for hearing it in the spirit it was shared. I know how hard and confusing situations like this are, but we’re usually asking for advice because we know the answer but wish we didn’t. You deserve to be with someone you’re sure about, especially if you’re going to legally bind yourself to them. You deserve love that is clear, comforting, nourishing, consistent, and transparent. You deserve to be at peace in your most intimate relationship and to feel that you can b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 09:21 PM
4

You’ve answered your own question. You know this is not the right person or marriage or timing, but you’re trying to convince yourself that it is. Why would you marry someone you didn’t feel was excellent and could consistently meet critical relationship needs? Marriage is truly not the time for a woman to start bending and compromising. It’s a slippery slope that never stops, especially once you’re in the marriage and feeling pressure to make it work to avoid “failing.” If a dear friend describ…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 09:15 PM
7

-How old were you when you met him? -I would not marry a man whose family did not like me or whose family I detested. Family issues can be up there with money issues in terms of persistent problems that make a woman’s life miserable and lead to divorce. Either his family needs to come around BEFORE the marriage or you should seriously consider not moving forward. -Your post sounds ridden with angst and doubt. I don’t believe women should go into marriages with that many concerns and doubts. Ther…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 08:03 PM
393

Been there. His friends hyped him about me being attractive, smart, successful etc, and he never missed a chance to brag on my accomplishments as if they were his. This made me uncomfortable but he’d insist that I should be happy to be with a man who’s “proud of me.” But it wasn’t pride. It was using me as a status symbol to prop up his ego due to his own lack of success. I never felt he was actually into me because he wasn’t. It was hard to explain to people, but as women mature, we know the di…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/21 05:11 PM
14

Reason #3,716 I’m blissfully child free. I have never met a man who was worth this kind of risk.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 04:41 AM
16

It would take many hours, peer reviewed papers, books, and speeches for you to fully grasp the complex reasons behind this as someone who is not Black, but it can be simplified into it being culturally acceptable to be openly abusive and misogynistic toward Black women in hip hop. To say Black women "were OK" with it is like saying white women are okay with every public representation of them. You're not; you just happen to not be on the receiving end of the same projection due to your privilege…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 06:27 AM
82

Because HVM don’t reduce women to human cum receptacles, they are more likely to treat her as they would have regardless of when sex happened. That said, waiting is still the better choice because you have no way to even guess who he is without sufficient time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/02/21 04:10 AM
2

Done! ♥️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 11:56 PM
16

Also, divesters emphasize decentering men of all races. If a BW decides to have a partner, he needs to be HV no matter his color, but her life quality and her satisfaction should not be determined by her relationship status. PS: I mod a sub for BW divesters. Happy to have BW who are interested join us!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/02/21 09:34 AM
5

From photos, he can’t be more than 5’9”. You’d think he was a 6’2” 200 lb god the way he talks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 06:32 AM
16

Lmao! I hesitated on going there, but let’s just say I was surprised by his height and face given how much he rambles about what men want and what women need to do to be chosen. He gives me Ratatouille vibes but wants women to meet all his silly criteria. Audacity is plentiful in 2021, apparently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 02:44 AM
5

Yesssss! I got a huge bouquet from my dad and a gift card. I bought myself a necklace, pair of earrings, and a new swimsuit. Slept in today and made a delicious brunch. This is the happiest Valentine’s Day I’ve had in recent memory. Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:24 AM
113

This is an excellent example of why you don’t settle for scraps in the early days. Only accept being treated well from Day 1 because they are putting their best foot forward then and it does NOT get better later. This is also a reason to date men who are generous. Some ppl think it’s solely about income, and it’s not. A lot of men make plenty of money and then nickel and dime their partners. Beyond his capacity to do nice things, always pay attention to his attitude toward giving.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 12:09 AM
76

Yep. As soon as women have preferences, it’s “see, that’s why y’all are single and will die alone.” This crap about them being the more rational sex is a lie.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 10:44 PM
70

Good point. How many times have we seen men say they only date (insert a physical type, ethnicity, nationality, relationship history, motherhood status, etc) and then they date/impregnate/marry exactly what they said they wouldn’t? This is also why women should not concern themselves with the wall. Take excellent care of yourself (for you) and you’ll be fine.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:57 PM
51

Facts. I used to think it was okay to be open, but time has taught me that some things need to be taken to the grave because not everyone is mature enough to handle it. Also, if I judged every man for his past or number of partners, I would literally never date or marry. The hypocrisy is amazing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 08:59 PM
45

What’s interesting is that he seems financially successful and has a girlfriend. I wonder how this mindset plays out in their interaction because there’s no way a man can view women this way and it not impact how he treats women. Ultimately, I think it’s sad because empathy requires seeing other people as human beings, not objects akin to disposable goods. So many women are loyal to opportunistic men yet judged for being hYpERgAmOuS when they dare vet in their best interests.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 08:57 PM
14

I should say that this isn’t all strictly radfem but it’s also been super helpful on the grief/healing/solo life front: -Everyday Male Chauvinism -Gyn Ecology -Patriarchy Stress Disorder -When and Where I Enter -A lot of work by bell hooks -Hannah Anstee’s blogs - example: https://hannahanstee.com/posts/50/after-a-decade-of-living-as-a-single-woman-this-is-what-ive-learned
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 03:48 AM
28

Yeah. I started reading rad fem / solo living literature to assist with the process and remind me that I’m not alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 12:06 AM
65

You’re not alone. I’ve been through that grief, and it’s SO hard to both reconcile all the things you’ve been through and figure out what your life will look like as you let go of dreams and hopes you may have had. I am firmly childfree now, and 80% of the reason is the nature of most men where loyalty, fidelity, and longevity are concerned. Being permanently tied to a man via children and having him flip, become abusive, or simply check out or cheat would be a nightmare to me. I will not risk b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:54 PM
4

I'm really really against wasting time so I don't do hours or weeks of casual chit chat in the beginning. IMO, the routine stuff about your day, what you had for lunch, funny things that happened, etc are for when you're exclusive. Until then, there's a LOT of information to collect. Not doing this is how a lot of women get caught up in situationships and relationships with men they claim to love but barely know. They grow attached because of the familiarity or routine of talking to/being around…
/r/askFDS27/01/21 07:05 AM
18

🗣 but you can’t use my phone!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 12:24 AM
3

You got COVID after taking the vaccine?? 😳 I agree with everyone who says OLD is a waste of time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 03:24 AM
8

This. And if you’re not hoping for anything serious, what difference does it make? I think cherry picking respectful treatment is really hard and takes more time and energy than it’s worth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 10:51 PM
6

Happy to chat - DM me and I’ll share some resources and info. 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 07:26 AM
34

Since personal finance is a favorite topic of mine (and I think it’s extremely important to discuss early and often), I weave it in by bringing up some news I saw or a story I heard and getting his take on it. Men who share my values on money usually get revealed this way if only by their interest in discussing it at a high level and how financially savvy his answer is (which can open the door for more detailed discussions if we are exploring the possibility of a future together). The same way w…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:30 AM
48

Spot on. Add “She disrespected me.” to the list.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 02:24 AM
278

What is the purpose of offering to pay? The problem with this “test” is that not every woman who is worth dating follows FDS principles to the letter. As a result, if you mention paying, it’s easy for a man who likes you to want to accommodate your suggestion versus coming off controlling or whatever by insisting on paying indefinitely. I’m not defending this man. I am suggesting that women who don’t pay for dates shouldn’t offer to pay for dates because the data gleaned from his response is fau…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 01:43 AM
25

Goodness, I’m so sorry you went through this. It’s so exhausting and frustrating. I’ve been through something similar and it definitely informs my unwillingness for second chances, do overs, and revisiting. I’m glad you see it as a lesson learned, and I hope you are being super kind and loving toward yourself. This idiot’s behavior is not about you, and he will no doubt continue the pattern with whoever is next. Men like him who are addicted to IG/OLD simply aren’t fit partners for HVW. They lik…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 11:40 PM
12

It requires both. I can tell you from experience that dating a man with a high tax bracket and low tax bracket is an exhausting and tedious experience partially because they think $ compensates for literally every other aspect of their existence and shortcomings and partially because they are the most inclined to not work seriously on personal development and healing past wounds. And a high self esteem bracket and low tax bracket is obviously disastrous. We truly need both for them to even be in…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:45 AM
9

There are levels to this 😎 And we’ve all seen the men trying to resolve low self-esteem by landing a woman out of his league. It rarely ends well for her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 12:42 AM
70

Men need to date according to their self-esteem and tax bracket. They whine about women not giving them a chance and then also want to negotiate a woman’s standards down to fit their situation. And as many of us know, even if you make those concessions, 90% of the time they will either resent you, emotionally abuse you, use you, or cheat. Lowering standards is never a good idea. I know some women are cool dating men who earn less, but this is a classic example of why I don’t do it and don’t advi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 08:51 PM
376

I appreciate that a man clapped back to this. There are a lot of men who think this way, and unfortunately, this rebuttal hits different for men when it comes from another man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:18 AM
196

They love control and hate accountability.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 07:46 PM
3

Whew. I’ve heard a version of this before. Kudos to you for moving on. To the untrained eye, this seems like “trying” and “being honest” but to the wise FDS eye, this is cause for dismissal. Kick him out, indeed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 05:21 AM
8

I'm curious about your age and his (this may explain his reluctance to daydream about the future), but generally, he sounds emotionally unavailable. Men like this tend to put on a good show in the early days but not be able to form deep, long lasting relationships because they can't connect or be vulnerable beyond a certain point. At the very least, I'd pull way back but I'd probably end this. It's very easy to drift into codependency and being the moderator of the relationship with men like him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/12/20 04:45 AM
185

And for those of us who don’t have marriage as a goal, the emphasis should be on value being added to our lives. I mean major life-affirming invigorating unique value being added (not decent behavior or consistent interest - I mean objective additions to your life that do not benefit him). Because so many women have endured the bare minimum or trash, crumbs can seem like a feast. Raise the standards and leave them there. The right men will rise to the occasion, and you’ll both be better for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/20 07:30 PM
48

Right. Men who constantly harp on “drama” and the avoidance of it are consistently the manufacturers of it with lying, gaslighting, manipulation, hiding, and mind games. When they say they don’t want drama, what they mean is that they want to treat you however they please and if you react the way any normal self-respecting human being would, you’re being “dramatic.” I now avoid men who ramble on about drama or respect because it almost always means accepting their abuse without objection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 08:27 PM
19

Yes but it really doesn’t matter what they like. They want control. That’s it. Do what pleases you. Also, bitchiness is not required. Even being a jerk to them takes energy and time. Focus on you and be indifferent to them unless they give you tangible reasons not to be.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:47 PM
99

Much of them being able to carry out their agendas requires women being insecure and pining for male approval. When we decenter men and find confidence without them, they are both afraid and angered. The entire system of patriarchy begins to crumble when women value themselves for something other than how they are perceived by men and how they can be of service to men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:44 PM
56

I make a habit of asking, “Does being nice to this man benefit me?” It rarely benefits me to be nice to most men. The men who are useful in my life aside from my father are transactional and don’t need my sweetness in order to execute. Only consider being nice after they’ve tangibly benefitted you. It’s an easy way to filter most of them out from receiving your kindness. And remember most of them see us being nice for no reason as being naive or weak.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:14 PM
166

But ppl call us crazy, insecure, and nosy for deep diving into a man’s background before getting involved. This is a perfect example of why. LVM live by lies of omission.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 07:10 PM
76

Same. I have yet to encounter a high value man (especially a high earning one) who spent a lot of time on social media. If a man uses social media more than I do, I instantly find him questionable. And if we’re honest, a large number of men use social media to consume the soft core porn that is IG models/fitness influencers etc or to cheat.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/20 03:50 AM
25

Sure. I'll share here so others can benefit as well. I generally start by asking them about their style and modality. I prefer CBT and don't want to spend hours just chit chatting and venting. Some ppl need/want that, which is fine, but I feel that's a waste of my time and money so it's important for me to establish that I want actionable *results*, not an expensive confidant. It's important to be clear about this upfront because many mismatches in therapy are a result of this. I ask them about …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 08:53 PM
39

What a terrible experience. I have a few situational questions I ask therapists to determine whether we are a good fit and there are a couple of FDSish questions thrown in. If they answer with any kind of Pick Me stuff, I keep shopping. I have found therapists who are pro-FDS (which is really just being pro client’s best interest and holding the client in high regard independent of their past or victimhood) so if therapy is otherwise helpful, keep looking and vet for awareness of these issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/20 03:28 PM
68

Reason #1836 I don’t “build” with men, sympathize with their low points, or entertain the ones who earn less. You can literally go work all day to bring something home for the 2 of you to share and he will seethe with insecure resentment rather than celebrate and gas you up. Smh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/20 03:23 AM
16

This reminds me of the time I matched with a man who had a kid and when I asked how old he said 5 months. 5 MONTHS. The mother is still healing and probably in the throes of PPD and you're here chasing women who don't care you exist. It was one in a long stack of experiences that led me to permanently choose being childfree.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 07:09 AM
15

High five! Subpar men love holiday shenanigans. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 06:19 AM
25

They need to hand boundaries out when they start giving out the vaccine because some ppl truly have none of their own. Just wow.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 02:23 AM
58

Yes, I made a long post about this for the reasons you note. If a man was using the hashtags you described, I would go the other way. Same with the other scenarios. I have learned the hard way that those kinds of sayings and “jokes” have a lot of truth to them and it doesn’t end well for the woman he’s dating. There’s a couple of strategies I use to sort this out: I ask for examples of times when they disagreed or she held him accountable. If there are none, then she is either a male-centered pi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 02:20 AM
51

Or even know what your best interest is. Sometimes they think they do, but their perception is not consistent with our goals. This reminds me of well-meaning pick me women or low key miserable married mom types giving me unsolicited dating/relationship advice so I can have what they have. I don’t want any parts of that so thanks but no thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/20 01:28 AM
84

Yes! Only hit dogs holler. If you feel triggered or irritated by a sub devoted to encouraging you to be the best version of yourself and being loved for who you are instead of what you can do, stop and ask yourself why. There’s more Stockholm syndrome at play than we care to admit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 03:58 PM
31

Him not disclosing his age is absolutely a red flag, and if I were you, I would not see him again. I think the appropriate age gap depends on the age of the parties involved (9 years between a 18 and 27 years old is very different than 9 years between a 41 and 50 year old). That said, I don’t feel age is “just a number.” It means things and in the case of men, they usually are behind/dysfunctional in some way for their age (eg multiple kids by different women, no education/professional achieveme…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/12/20 02:04 AM
3

Yay! So happy you’re here. I would have been much better off if I had FDS at 21. You do NOT need men to approve of you. Only you need to approve of you. I know it’s hard with the way society conditions women to center men, but keep pushing against that. Center yourself and never ever give a man anything you don’t absolutely want to or anything he hasn’t earned. May your standards, head, and bank accounts always be high. 😊
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/20 04:11 PM
194

Honestly it’s because younger women have usually not figured men out yet. They tend to still be idealistic and hopeful about men in general and much more willing to “communicate” and “compromise” to please men. Another thing is confidence. Many women will tell you that their 30s were characterized by a lot more confidence and clarity about who they are and what they want — and an unwillingness to apologize for it or settle for trash. So a 32 year old confident accomplished woman with boundaries …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 08:24 PM
26

This past few weeks I keep finding myself thinking, “Who do you think you are???” The AUDACITY is so strong with these mediocre men. Like???? Do they eat confidence flakes for breakfast? Leaving them on read, blocking them, and returning them to the streets is a must.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 08:20 PM
80

All facts. I made a post about that very thing. We think it’s so cute when mothers and sons are close, but this is too often a cover for either enmeshment, her enabling his lazy/toxic behavior, or evidence that she has coddled him and he clings to her as the ideal woman who will love him unconditionally even when he’s absolute trash. https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ixuf2x/be_wary_of_his_pickmeisha_mothersisters/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/12/20 01:39 AM
490

The saying that parents raise their daughters and coddle their sons is true. I am often amazed at how few soft skills boys are taught. Women are often told that they need to be a complete package: educated and independent but also fun and fuckable. Men are often indirectly taught to lie, manipulate, and skirt their way to whatever they want. This is why so many of them are resentful of FDS women with standards. Their parents taught them that they are entitled to whatever they want without having…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/20 09:29 PM
11

If you are confused, the answer is no. Block and delete. And read the handbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/12/20 05:20 AM
74

The pouting and manufactured victimhood of this is infuriating. If he can’t hear constructive feedback, learn about his partner’s preferences, or honor boundaries like an adult, he has to go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 09:31 PM
79

Me: You don’t need to talk so much. You’re more bearable when you talk less.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/20 01:53 AM
138

I believe this tends to be true for dating but not marriage. Men are extremely lazy and will often stay in marriages they claim to be miserable in and do the absolute least so a woman is forced to leave them instead of them manning up and leaving. It’s the reason most divorces are initiated by women instead of men. Men also like to have someone waiting in the wings before they leave which often doesn’t work because they grossly overestimate the number of women (who they want) who would want to b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 08:03 PM
18

I wish I could wrap you in a big hug. I have been in a situation identical to this; I would have been able to write this story almost word for word including feeling terrible after even though I did the right thing. And he quickly moved on to the next woman while I was still sorting out what happened and trying to feel better. It doesn’t feel like it, but you HAVE grown and you ARE doing the work correctly. As you noted, the way you handled this is a stark contrast than the way you handled simil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:41 PM
64

Yikes. I wouldn’t have bothered with ice cream after that awkward dinner exchange. Your sister’s opinion is irrelevant here, no offense. She may be saying that because your approach to the ice cream thing comes off a bit passive aggressive if the truth is that you didn’t want to pay at all. That said, people need to stop with this BS about using men for meals. 90% of them don’t have enough money or class for that to be a sustainable nourishment strategy for a grown woman. And nobody extends all …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/20 04:08 PM
35

Yes! This made me misty eyed. Thank you for sharing this. We rarely discuss this part of the journey - the grief associated with unlearning what the patriarchy taught and letting go of idealistic dreams we held. After the anger at the men and ourselves, there’s often a deep sadness as we accept what is and decide how to move forward with this understanding. I have been dealing with this intensely this year so I deeply resonate with this and I am grateful to be in a community of women who underst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/20 09:47 PM
4

Right. I would gladly get him a card offering condolences on the "miscarriage" that mysteriously happened following this childish behavior.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/11/20 07:44 AM
23

This. I once went out with a guy like this except he was following hundreds of women who looked almost exactly like me - same skin tone, same body type, etc. guess what? That didn’t make me feel any better. It just made me wonder why he needed to follow so many random women, many of whom were nude or in lingerie/skimpy gym clothes. The body type/look doesn’t matter. He is depraved and disrespectful on top of probably being pornsick and cheating. I assure you that he and this is not worth talks a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/20 04:06 AM
92

Honestly, religious men, specifically Christian men, have been the most misogynistic, emotionally abusive, and pornsick I’ve ever encountered. They seem to think their objectification of women is either Biblical or somehow excused because “God knows their heart” and “nobody’s perfect.” These men also seemed to think they were the prize even though the Bible explicitly states women are to be sought after as good things. Then we layer in purity culture, sexual repression, and spiritual abuse... I …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/11/20 12:02 AM
5

Wow. I decided that dysfunctional insecurity in men is a deal breaker for me. It manifests in so many at strange ways that are usually at a woman’s detriment when she tolerates it. I’m done walking on eggshells, being an emotional punching bag, and trying to understand their weird hang ups rooted entirely in fixable shortcomings.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 03:16 PM
35

QTNA. Also, perhaps if they had something worthwhile other than money to offer, they wouldn't have to live in fear of being used for money. Dick is low value and abundant. Many of us have our own money in spite of all this gold digger propaganda. So now what? Stupid scrotes aren't being used; they're doing the using. Their definition of equality is exploiting us without us complaining.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/20 05:11 AM
147

This reminds me why I don’t share my fitness journey or bikini vacation pics on IG. I should be able to post whatever I want, but I have long known weirdos like that one exist. Their depravity knows no bounds. This is also why women shouldn’t let men gaslight them about the problem with following/liking IG “models”, “fitness coaches”, and “lifestyle influencers.” Seeing these women in lingerie/swimwear constantly is not nearly as harmless or innocent as they want you to believe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/11/20 04:14 AM
38

Wanting connection with other people isn’t succumbing to society’s expectations. Humans are social and meant to live in communion with other people. This, however, is different from craving a relationship with a man at all costs. I believe it’s important to acknowledge the many non-romantic opportunities for connection and love. When we fill ourselves that way, we can place romantic love with a man in its proper context - as icing and not the cake. I don’t see anything wrong with holding space a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 06:50 PM
59

Yep. She has no children of her own. She is a doting aunt and a stepmom to his adult children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/20 01:59 AM
126

One of my past times is asking women over 55 for their hardest won lessons, things they’d do over, etc - especially the women who seem joyful and have light energy. Every single time they mention avoiding toxic men and lowering their romantic interaction with men in general so they could focus on themselves. We underestimate what LVM do to a woman’s spirit and energy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 11:47 PM
170

🗣 and CHILDFREE!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/20 11:21 PM
20

Agreed. An overwhelming majority of them do not respect this form of labor, and there are a lot of women who chase marriage and children at all costs and then end up in these situations (thereby rewarding these lazy, entitled attitudes with a wife appliance and Kodak dad opportunities). I know overriding biological urges and peer pressure is hard, but it’s the first step toward being free of the many ways a LVM can burden your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 03:13 PM
108

She sounds like most married mothers I’ve met. Being childfree is truly underrated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/20 07:13 AM
3

I would properly delete the account. I don’t know how Bumble handles deletion, but if it was deleted, you wouldn’t be getting notifications. I don’t care enough about the feelings or opinions of random men to concern myself with their opinions of a profile unmatch or deletion. Just do what’s easiest for you. A dude from those matches who has your number who is genuinely interested will continue to make efforts regardless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 09:18 PM
56

I think the answer depends on the woman and whether she enjoys picnics, but I also think something can be both inexpensive and romantic at the same time. I personally think it’s romantic because it looks like effort was put into it. I enjoy spaces where I can have fun or interesting conversations so adding snacks and libations would make this a fun time with the right guy IMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/20 12:49 AM
38

Did you agree to the date before the questions? Ideally you only agree to the date if the answers to the questions check out, especially if saying no or changing your mind is not a strong suit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 11:47 PM
46

Chemistry is overrated. What you want is consistency and connection. You mentioned that you really enjoy seeing him - that is the chemistry. You don’t need high blood pressure and heart palpitations to have chemistry. Drama is loud; depth is quiet. You may have to retrain your brain to appreciate stability and healthy interaction. Continue to observe him and check in with your head and heart. There don’t have to be wild emotional oscillations for something to be wonderful. And whatever you do, p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 08:03 PM
91

This is brilliant. Thank you for sharing the results. This should put to bed some of the “it’s not that bad...”, exceptionalism, and confirmation bias I sometimes see about OLD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:57 PM
233

I’m not surprised. This reminds me why OLD is a waste of time and misuse of energy. We have a gazillion anecdotes of the horrors of it here, but seeing the numbers is somehow more sobering. Glad I quit it and didn’t look back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:42 PM
69

After reading your additions... Read the handbook. If he was taking sufficient initiative, you wouldn't feel you needed to. So either you're overfunctioning or he's slacking - which is it? To answer the original question, no, you do not need to take initiative after weeks. You have a loooong way to go in vetting this STRANGER. Just relax and observe. You don't know him. Continue collecting data and don't start overliking him based on potential and possibilities. His actions and words need to ali…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 06:07 AM
45

There’s not enough information here. How long have you known him? How many proper dates have you been on? What do you call “doing everything right” because I can assure you that morning texts and paying for meals are not it. Important note: taking initiate and taking the lead are not the same. Why do you want to take initiative? Initiative on what?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:39 AM
54

Right. And this is even more unnerving because it assumes that women hate sex and must be manipulated and cajoled into it. Meanwhile there are MANY women who are sexually peaking in their 30s and 40s who are stifled nymphos because they refuse to have sex with LVM/NVM. It’s a shame. So many of us don’t hate sex or see it as a chore or a carrot to dangle. We just don’t wish to be a human cum rag or tolerate disrespect and various forms of abuse to get our orgasms. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 05:36 AM
168

Facts. And no shade to anyone pressed for a family, but this makes me wonder why so many women obsess over getting married and having kids. Society convincing us that servitude is a privilege that validates us is the biggest scam ever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 03:46 AM
11

Yep. And that conditions us to tie our worth to the approval of other people which sets us up to participate in patriarchal bullshit. I love that I now do not care how people receive what I have to say. I am a thoughtful, kind, and considerate person, and people have tried to exploit and manipulate that by mistaking me being well-mannered with an unwillingness to have my own opinions or disagree with them. I cannot assert myself authentically and take care of other people’s feelings at the same …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:40 AM
12

Or men at all, really, because what value can they realistically add before their brains are even formed? If I had my 20s to do over, I wouldn't even consider a serious relationship until after age 27.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 01:21 AM
402

This is so confusing when prostitution is a thing. Like, if you really want a transaction that nets you sex, just give a woman however much she's asking and get it. No need for the pretending, text messages, dinner, posturing, flowers, chair pulling, and future faking. It reminds me of what I constantly say: they do not what whatever they say they want. They want *control*
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 12:44 AM
23

"Attitude" is synonymous with opinion, I've learned. No matter how it's expressed, many men want you to agree or defer regardless of your actual thoughts and feelings. This is yet another reason it's not wise to argue with them or tell them off. They want *control* and will get creative with the accusations and gaslighting when they don't get it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/11/20 12:39 AM
9

Why do men insist on broadcasting their depravity? Ugh. I unfollowed 2 men for posting this meme in the past week.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 02:17 AM
95

I’ll allow one divorce if there are no children, he’s not paying alimony, and the divorce was not directly his fault. Statistically, after a certain age, a man who has been married is more likely to marry again than one who hasn’t. That said, the circumstances vary wildly by the man so vetting is always a must.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/11/20 12:31 AM
40

Their need for control knows no bounds. Think about the ridiculous mental gymnastics you have to do to defend the decision to not do something you said you would do simply because you were reminded and your fragile ass ego overrides logic? Truly amazing. A lot of women stay for far worse offenses so good for you not tolerating it or letting it slide just because of the length of time you’ve been together. I have been a similar situation and gave the benefit of the doubt and dude showed his entir…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/20 07:09 PM
0

Wanting a relationship is different from actively pursuing one and then maintaining one. If finding HVM were a simple proposition, FDS wouldn't even exist. There's a reason that women as young as you and as old as their 50s are here with similar concerns, experiences, and complaints. That said, yes, it's possible and of course you're free to do as you please. As other posters mentioned, there's a temptation to start making sacrifices that you wouldn't make if you weren't in a relationship. This …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 01:36 AM
14

I realize this is not what was asked for, but it's what I wish someone had told me at 21: NO man deserves your time, energy, and focus right now. Invest heavily in yourself and only yourself. Focus on your education, career, wealth building, and self-discovery. Men will *always* be there. Your time at this season is such a precious and wonderful resource to be used laying the foundation for the life you want. Society attempts to scare women into stressing about men and relationships and timeline…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 12:48 AM
45

“or whatever else you said” Somebody didn’t learn anything at all. Men don’t usually feel desire because they miss us and learned important lessons. They feel it because they no longer have control. Hence the ridiculous number of sentences that start with “I” when they come sniffing around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 12:07 AM
12

I wouldn’t respond at all because another person’s judgments of my choice don’t require my defense. Part of being high value is protecting my peace, and that means not everything and everyone deserves a response.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/20 02:19 AM
51

Yep. We have to be vigilant everywhere. One time I was the only woman partner in a company with 4 other male partners. I noticed they would do things like ask me to send them a calendar invite for a meeting but they never asked their male peers to do that. I would tell them they should consider hiring an assistant if they needed help managing their calendar, but I was busy with my own so I couldn’t assist them. They eventually learned to treat me with the respect I was due, but I did a LOT of tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 05:42 PM
287

Men who take advantage of emotional labor have to be watched and then held at arm’s length. If you observe carefully, you’ll notice that almost every man expects women to do emotional labor because it “comes naturally” when really, it’s just being a good person and/or doing years of personal development work. I used to think it wasn’t a big deal because I could model the behavior I wanted reciprocated (listening, support, responsiveness, attention to detail, etc) but I’m here to tell you it does…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 02:11 PM
62

The “points” was triggering. 😂 Been there more than once. I’m like, this is not preschool or Little League! Just handle your shit and pride yourself on being a responsible person. Why do you need so much ego stroking and acknowledgement? Ugh. If I never hear a man ask for credit, points, or props for basic things ever again, it will be too soon. This is a big part of the reason I ended my last relationship although he wanted to get married. There was just no way I was going to be a gold star giv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 12:42 AM
75

So relatable. These are the types who like to throw around the word “insecure” when you call out the triangulation and games. I’ve also noticed that these are the guys who LIVE for social media (especially Instagram) and OLD because they get to be some fantasy version of themselves where they’re hot shit and have an endless selection of women. In real life, they’re never as impressive or interesting as they try to seem online. I’ve also noticed that these types love to go after women WAY out of …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/10/20 12:31 AM
29

Love this so much!!! First, you are proof that recovering from pick me behavior IS possible. It is not easy, but it is simple. Kudos to you for doing the work. Second, yay for prioritizing yourself and leveling up! It feels SO good to set non-romantic goals and discover new things about yourself. Third, you invited new healthy love into your life. While some women decide to be done with men and dating altogether following this kind of awakening, it’s perfectly fine and possible to enjoy a comple…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 07:58 PM
195

Yes! At this point, I believe discretion is a HVW trait. I don’t believe anyone should know all there is to know about you. Learning what to take to the grave and how to navigate life without always needing outside confirmation is important. I have never regretted not telling a man anything sensitive about myself, but I have absolutely regretted sharing. They may not even be malicious in their misuse of what is shared. So many of them don’t know how to manage emotionally difficult situations wit…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 06:11 PM
37

But what is there to demonstrate?? You can literally just not reply to something that doesn’t meet your standards. Explaining, cajoling, and manipulating a man into proposing and following through on something as simple as a proper date is a fool’s errand.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 05:53 PM
177

Whew. Thank you for saying this. There is nothing cute about explaining how you’re above “low effort dates” or you only accept this or that. Talk with your actions, not your text messages. He is not going to magically see the light because of your speech, and you didn’t accomplish anything by setting him straight. LVM gonna low value regardless. HVW who truly command respect don’t explain themselves; they just don’t engage with people who don’t give them what they want. And they are not then exp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 05:21 PM
64

That’s a very big question. You’d have to study history and patriarchy to understand that fully. I’ll try to summarize. -Parents tend to raise their girls and coddle their sons. Many boys are taught to pursue goals associated with grades, sports, and career. They are almost never taught how to be a good life partner. The same cannot be said for most girls. -Women tend to cater to and defer to men whether they deserve it or not. This leads them to feel they are entitled to this treatment and have…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:34 PM
10

I agree. For some women, having children in wedlock is a social/religious/cultural preference, which I respect. I just don’t think they should be deluded into assuming it will mean literally anything other than being married at the moment. Everything has to be vetted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 03:23 PM
23

Very wise decision. If more people, especially women, consulted with accountants, therapists, financial planners, and attorneys before marrying, I think they’d arrive at a similar conclusion or at the very least, vet much more rigorously. I understand the marriage dilemma more for women who want children, but it’s still not insurance for anything other than maybe a child being born in wedlock. Being married does not guarantee a man will stay, not cheat, not be abusive in some way, or be a great …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 02:40 PM
264

Yes. Many men believe their relationship woes are purely a matter of not finding the right woman instead of their vices and dysfunction. They are told that women should more or less perform for them and earn being chosen so the concept of reflecting and investing in being a better partner to attract better women is lost on them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 04:22 AM
87

I’m looking forward to the responses as I have not been able to come up with sound reasons to get married. Long term relationships make sense to me from a companionship/doing life with someone angle. But the risks associated with marriage far outweigh any benefits I can see if you are a woman who is doing well for herself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 04:19 AM
79

I enjoy stories of healthy relationships with HVM. I also like the articles and science that help reinforce our positive behaviors. I also enjoy posts containing reflections, realizations, and evolution on the journey to deepening self-love, self-awareness, and positive habits, whether romantic or not. Methods and approaches to constructing healthy relationships is also interesting since there are wide range of preferences in this community (e.g. living together or not as a couple, children vs c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 01:44 AM
29

The first one is a red flag and almost always indicates misogynistic attitudes and/or a general disdain for women. My favorite retort to the second one is: "Really? How so?" The answer tells you what color flag it is. LVM say this to love bomb or manipulate women so their reply will be something about serving them, how you make them feel, or an indirect statement about how easy you are to manipulate. A HVM may say this (not realizing how it sounds) and have a meaningful reason for sharing it. Fo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 07:43 PM
48

Thank you for saying this. I recognize that my indifference (more like reluctance) toward marriage informs my perspective, but I do not understand doing all of this extensive vetting and actively choosing a HVM so you can do things you didn't believe he "deserved" before marriage. This continues to prop marriage up as a lofty goal that women should hope to achieve and therefore arrange their lives around. Either you understand that men benefit more from marriage or you don't. And if you do, one …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 10:10 PM
4

I am a beauty routine enthusiast, but I don't do anything that I don't feel adds value. I do it because I genuinely enjoy it and love how it feels to care for myself and indulge in things just for me. Looking great is a lovely side effect. Nutrition: I eat clean 80% of the time. The other 20% of the time, I enjoy whatever I'm craving with zero guilt. My diet is heavy in greens and fruit. I don't do dairy, partially hydrogenated oils, or refined sugar. I don't keep junk food in my home which make…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/20 12:25 AM
22

What a strange description. The advice here is the opposite of oppressive. Somebody’s salty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/10/20 06:41 AM
28

Wow. I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through that. It’s gotta be frustrating and heartbreaking to deal with that after so much time. I hope you’re taking good care of yourself as you heal. This reminds me of why I had to start asking men to define cheating and get ultra specific as part of my phase 1 vetting because they are expert at loopholes and lies of omission. It should not take all of that, but like you, I had a man do the “she’s my friend, that’s just how we talk to each other” bul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 03:30 AM
107

Yep. My peace of mind and well-being is more important than being partnered. I think the sweet spot is to be happy alone but open to someone wonderful. No waiting on your life to start or pining after a man or ignoring the joys of being single while wishing for a different life. The grass is greenest where you water it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/10/20 02:38 AM
63

This reminds me of why this behavior has to be a non-negotiable disqualifier, even while “just dating.” It speaks to much broader issues in a man’s character. Imagine risking your life to give birth to a man’s child for him to sit and lust after a woman who wouldn’t spit on him if he was on fire.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/09/20 09:02 PM
24

This is definitely an intuition/personal boundary thing. Like the other poster, I have sometimes been fine with light contact or the time a guy politely asked if he could kiss me on the cheek. And another time, a guy gently touched my waist as he was pulling me to the other side of him so he could walk next to the traffic. Many would say I should have seen that as chivalrous, but something about the way he touched me made me uncomfortable and I said so. Also, OP, there’s no such thing as “doing …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:55 PM
10

This is me. I generally politely yield to avoid collisions, but I will not do so with people who act like they’re the only ones walking the planet or that I’m instantly inferior and should yield. Don’t act entitled! I’ll be honest: sometimes I’ve made super creative insulting comments to men who didn’t move out of my way or gave me intimidating looks. I have not been above talking about their appearance, their income, the size of their member, or their family members. They are always caught off …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 03:46 AM
30

This is spot on. Also? Once an emotionally/mentally abusive man goes to therapy, only God can help the woman who dates/marries him next. He now has all the language and tactics to sound and seem healthy, and it’s layered on top of the same manipulation, gaslighting, defensiveness, and other stuff that was there before. This is why we cannot try to reason with them, no matter what they say, no matter what redeeming qualities they seem to have and no matter what outsiders suggest. Do not let peopl…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/09/20 01:06 AM
11

Right. Forming new wellness habits in your 30s is hard for anyone who expected genetics, metabolism, gender, etc to be on their side, but it’s even worse when you realize you generally need to be leveling up so now you’re trying to get a promotion, learn about investing, consider aging parents, AND deal with a random health issue or suddenly looking 5+ years older than you are. Habits will always snitch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 07:29 AM
61

Some are lying but I think people underestimate how quickly men of poor moral character and/or toxic lifestyles age. Drugs, lack of sleep, stress, bad energy, excessive alcohol, poor nutrition, lack of exercise, and poor skin care DO accumulate over time to result in them looking old AF. Most of them who come around to any form of consistent self-care aside from haircuts don’t do it until the signs are already there. Women usually choose prevention which is why we generally look better, all thin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/20 03:02 AM
32

More evidence of why I swear on scrutinizing the social contract, hypergamy, and having children as a result of thought and intention, not assumption and boredom. There’s a reason the studies show that the happiest group is unmarried, childfree women. If you’re not choosing a true HVM, you are trading your freedom for indentured servitude. Permanent hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 09:53 PM
8

Good for you! One of the most important decisions I made on my journey was to stop adopting the opinions and instructions of people who didn’t have to live with the consequences of my choices. It’s all fun and games until you get screwed over then it’s gaslighting, victim blaming, and condescending comments. Do you and trust yourself. You got this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/09/20 03:44 AM
46

Gotta get outta there immediately. One time a dude offered to cook for me. I was at his place awaiting said meal and began to get hungry. So I casually ask, “What time is dinner?” The next day I got a 20 minute lecture about how it was “disrespectful” of me to ask what time dinner was. According to him, I was supposed to just wait quietly or tell him why I wanted to know what time he would be cooking. I never spoke to him again after that night. Fragile egos and delusional “respect” standards ar…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/20 03:24 AM
15

Oof. I’ve dealt with someone similar. As badly as it hurts to realize this person was not who you thought they were (they are often just mirroring you or playing a role), it’s so good that you got out before you were in too deep. The mental/emotional abuse does a number no matter how long it goes on, but it seems to be almost irreversible for women who deal with it too long. And now you’re much more savvy so you can read between the lines, be sure words and actions are lining up, and know not to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:42 PM
7

I really appreciate you sharing. I hope you’re doing well and have a speedy transition to what ahead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 06:02 AM
5

Oh wow. Did that pattern contribute to the divorce? How did mama and sister treat you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 05:44 PM
7

😂 the stories, oh the stories! And why do they tell the same ones over and over? Nothing worse than a man who peaked in college or the military or whatever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 03:25 PM
26

You’ve got this! You’re already a queen; we’re just here to remind you of that. Never leave your throne for a peasant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 06:56 AM
137

You’re right, but this was too much energy expended on a stranger. If a man isn’t treating you the way you want at that stage, just move on. You don’t have to prove a point to him or argue him down. Just block and delete and move on to the next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 06:46 AM
76

The last divorced man I went out with was married for 18 months. Week 1, he went into detail about their divorce saying she attempted suicide and quit her job and all of this other stuff. Most of this is probably embellished, at best, but besides that, that woman's mental health and issues were none of my business. He thought he looked noble, but really I just kept wondering, "What did you do to her?" Behind every "crazy" woman is a man who made her that way. They love to come up smelling roses …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 04:22 AM
15

They have stories about their singlehood that are completely divorced from reality. The entitlement tends to be loud and wrong with them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 04:18 AM
35

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this. There's a lot of fear-mongering that to suggest younger women will regret not settling and/or starting families. I've never believed it, in part because of what you shared. But also because when I listen to 35+ women, I either hear confirmation bias/misery wanting company or a clear warning to unapologetically center myself and let the chips fall where they may. Even women who have been with great men often admit that marriage is both overrate…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/09/20 04:13 AM
44

“You can be masculine and gentle” YES. This x 100000. Being refined, sensitive, and responsive does not dilute masculinity. More of them need to understand this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 09:04 PM
6

And that’s on periodt. I have a similar set of personal guidelines that has made avoiding the Superwoman career woman/wife/mom/fiftyleven other roles thing my reality. I truly hat tip women who “do it all” for decades, but I don’t want to exert that kind of energy for little to no return and such high risk. I unlearned the idea that my worth is tied to suffering and serving, and it completely changed my perspective on relationships and family. More young women should be taught the necessity of n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 07:42 AM
39

The men who post these “jokes” are the kings of LVM. Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 05:50 AM
27

I understand your points and agree with the social media thing (I never ever gave that out and would unmatch if it was requested.) When I was on OLD, I didn’t believe in a bunch of messaging on the app for days or weeks with no movement toward the phone. I can not determine anything meaningful in an inbox, and I had a personal policy of not accepting dates with men I had not spoken to on the phone first (saves SO MUCH time and energy). When men asked for my number, they usually indicated it was …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 12:31 AM
33

Thank you so much for sharing this! We need real life examples of how these things play out. I have always said that good relationships should not feel like a struggle, even during trying times. You should be bearing each other’s burdens, not driving each other crazy. If nothing else, the pandemic should reinforce the need for sky high standards because nobody has time to be combating emotional abuse or dealing with LVM tomfoolery while also trying to literally stay alive and sane.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/09/20 12:24 AM
17

This is not my experience, but I also have extremely low tolerance for any hint of indifference, laziness, or being “too busy.” Granted, I don’t do OLD but when I did, the men who eventually got my number were very responsive. I think this speaks to the need to aggressively vet for this and cut off the ones who are not displaying enthusiasm. And no, men almost never directly state a lack of interest. They either communicate with their actions or make things unbearable until you call out the elep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 09:29 PM
14

Congrats and welcome. Wonderful things await. ✨
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 08:33 PM
83

You’ve got a great list going! I’ll add: -I don’t have listen to a man snore or have my sleep disrupted in any way. -I don’t have to think about birth control/family planning. -I get the exact gifts and flowers I want because I buy them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/20 08:30 PM
9

There are a lot of great communities online for women. Between message boards, Facebook groups, and community based Instagram accounts, I’d suggest making virtual friends, if local friends aren’t as much of an option. FWIW, I completely sympathize with you, OP. I’ve been there, and it’s so so hard. Please hang in there. I applaud you for getting ahead of this and being proactive. That’s really mature and smart of you.
/r/askFDS19/09/20 05:25 PM
5

Honestly, I would shrug and leave him on Read and he’d have to try again. If you are available Tues and want to go, I would say: “Okay, what are you suggesting for Tuesday?” If he does not firm up details and keep the date this time, then just move on. Setting up dates should not be tedious or annoying for you. It’s on him to cater to you and make it easy for you to say yes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 11:26 PM
5

Re: the edit, a few options... “I wasn’t certain we were still on so I made plans. I’m open to a date next week.” “I now have plans for tomorrow night so we can reschedule for next week if you have a day, time, and location in mind.” I’m not a fan of “I wish I was still available...” because you don’t and it sounds like you’re stuck with plans that are less interesting than seeing him which is not the case. He and his hazy plans are not a priority, just an option among many.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:34 PM
50

You are correct that no time and place = no date. I would not accept if he popped up tonight with details. I would politely advise him that because I wasn’t certain of the plan, I made other plans. This, IMO, is one of those areas and times where you teach people how to treat you. Your time is valuable, and in a matter of days, you could have easily made other plans, even if it was sitting on your sofa wearing a sheet mask and scrolling FDS. If he is sincere and respects your time, he’ll gracefu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:16 PM
3

Yep. I wrote a whole rant here about the last name thing. Modern marriage is a remarkable scam for women. Conditioning be damned; I will love and live on terms that benefit me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 06:21 AM
137

This put such a broad smile on my face. Well played, Queen. Well played.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:56 AM
3

Agreed. This whole wife vs girlfriend thing is rooted in patriarchal conditioning outside of men who have large quantities of assets to confer onto you and/or children.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:30 AM
121

Yeeeeah. I was just thinking this morning that Oprah really understands something a lot of people don't. She made specific decisions to avoid marriage and kids but has a relationship that has outlasted most marriages. And she openly acknowledges that she was not willing to play the typical wife role and had she and Stedman married, they've be divorced by now because they would have folded under the weight of expectations of traditional gender roles in marriage. I now aspire to what she has: a qu…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:23 AM
29

OMG! LISTEN! I could have written this. My dad is always adding value to my life. He is an excellent support system. He provides tangible things that I don't even realize I need and is always so considerate of my preferences and boundaries. It's so evident that he cares and wants me to be happy and comfortable. It makes maintaining a high standard with men easier because I see what love and HVM behavior looks like on a daily basis with no strings attached. I often tell him that I have avoided a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/20 05:17 AM
21

I’m not a mom so pls disregard if that’s a qualifier. One of my observations about the struggle of motherhood is that women who do it before they can afford it are much worse off. Pregnancy and motherhood are challenging no matter what, but access to the right medical care, childcare, lifestyle options, etc seems to make a considerable difference in the quality of the experience. Of course, the choice of father is also a major consideration. I would only have a child if I could comfortably affor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 01:11 AM
2

You got this! Once you see how it good it feels to focus on other things and create positive momentum, you'll forget about him and eventually wonder why you even cared that much. Keep pushing!
/r/askFDS16/09/20 07:57 PM
1

This means you need to expand your goals and spend more time on them. Mix them up so some are fun, some accelerate progress in key areas, etc. And if you want to date, do it.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 04:21 PM
21

Mmm hmm. You can do all the labor, outearn them, and raise the kids, and they'll still whine about being cleaned out of their $2000 net worth and how "unfair" it is. They don't even know what unfair means. I just cannot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:27 AM
20

I'll lowkey be happy when I age out of childbearing years so this will stop coming up in conversation. I don't indulge people because it's none of their business and to your point, they wouldn't appreciate my reasons anyway. But it's still annoying, and I notice that I'm growing less polite with my responses, especially with repeat offenders. I can't think of any mother, married or single, who I would want to trade places with. I am responsible for myself, my assets, and my pet, and that is plen…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 05:26 AM
5

The answer to this, IMO, depends on your long term relationship goals. Do you want marriage? Do you want children? Money becomes more of an issue when there's either a big gap with a woman earning more or when she wants marriage/children.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 04:26 AM
3

Why so much obsession over him? What are your personal goals? What are you actively working on in your life right now? Getting into motion on your own goals will occupy your mind and time and boost your self-esteem. Spend the time on yourself.
/r/askFDS16/09/20 04:20 AM
33

The denial would be my cue to head for the door. No man is perfect. They will sometimes say offensive shit. But denial and lack of remorse is a deal breaker. Think about the many more important major issues you will face as a couple over a long marriage. You want a man who is more concerned with your well-being and health and connecting with you than some nonsense about being out of the gym during a pandemic when the world is literally and figuratively on fire. I am a proponent of not believing …
/r/askFDS16/09/20 04:16 AM
1

I’d be happy to contribute
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/20 03:16 AM
65

A real player is too good to be tricked with a single question. A woman who wants to discern a man’s intentions should listen to her intuition, engage in rigorous discussions, observe his actions, and be patient while the truth reveals itself. There is no question that substitutes for time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:23 PM
144

Because they do not want what they say they want. They want CONTROL. Let us never forget it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 10:22 PM
154

Excellent birth control and a periodic reminder of why I’m childfree and not waffling. If I’m honest, it’s not even that I would hate being a mom. I think I would appreciate the parenting experience as a whole. My issue is that that I do not want the risk of being a single mom, even if I’m co-parenting with one of the “good” ones. And too often, married women are single moms with husbands. Just...no.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 09:33 PM
30

This is amazing, amusing, and unsurprising, disturbing all at once. When will women learn that LVM behavior is not limited to any demographic?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 03:13 AM
40

This is part of my confusion. People are dating during a pandemic and then upset that they aren’t being offered standard dates. Everybody’s tolerance for risks associated with Covid is different. I am certainly not one to defend men, but I would bet that if some of these dudes were suggesting indoor dates, some women would be outraged that they are not taking safety during covid more seriously and suggesting something outside. If I were hardcore about early dating standards, I would not be tryin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 07:22 PM
4

Serial entrepreneur means person who has started multiple companies, not scammer. This is not an accurate description of serial entrepreneurs. Your experience is unfortunate but not typical. OP, good on you for doing your homework! It’s good you found these things out before getting too deep.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/20 04:23 PM
9

Yep because the work has to be done first for self and then for the relationship. Even as women, we see that self-love is foundational to having a healthy happy relationship. It’s no different for men. Their lack of self-love just manifests in much more toxic and counterproductive ways.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 02:34 AM
22

A man’s effort and character does not correlate to his appearance. The least deserving tend to have the most audacity. I do not suggest discounting physical attraction in the name of hoping for good treatment. My experience is that men who are less attractive eventually end up revealing their insecurities over time which defeats the purpose of given a less attractive man a shot. This has always backfired in a variety of ways that I’m happy to detail if you’d like. I advise women to avoid all for…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 12:40 AM
62

And this is why I don’t even do recaps on what they did wrong at the end. I refuse to give them a checklist so they can level up on my time and wisdom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 11:50 PM
40

I get why you’re asking, but I think it would turn a HVM off for the same reason it would turn a HVW off. I suggest asking something like this during a pre-date vetting call so that you can work it into the conversation without it being misunderstood. Also, there’s a lot of vetting ground to cover before social media so maybe you can move this down the list and build rapport with other questions first.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 08:38 PM
257

I’ve noticed that men who publicly lament being single or post memes about relationships are consistently low value trash behind closed doors. They are excellent at using the buzz words and phrases that draw women in, but the experience of engaging with them is lackluster at best and abusive at worst. I now see this public posturing as a red flag because if you’re a man who is gentleman or a good guy or a romantic or longing for love, you will have your pick of amazing women. You will not need t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/20 02:17 AM
53

Right. Even when I’m “dressed down”, it is not sloppy or bummy because that’s not who I am as a person. And we all know men loooove to catcall and stop us when we’re in workout gear or plain clothes. I don’t even think this is a real test if you’re a woman who is beautiful and well put together. It shines no matter what you wear.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:16 AM
94

Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn’t want you. I wish a mofo would tell me he was hung up on some chick from the past. Tf? Even if he felt this way, going as far as “taking a break” is hurtful and insulting. OP, I imagine this is painful and disorienting but you deserve much better. Please close the door on this and heal so you can move on to someone who’s sure and wouldn’t dream of playing with your heart this way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/20 04:14 AM
36

I don’t let people who don’t have to exist in my relationship decide whether my boundaries are valid. If you are happy, why are you letting randoms cause you to second guess yourself? Boundaries with the opposite sex are completely appropriate and a sign of respect. And if you are with a HVM who treats you very well, you are not a pick me slave for doing dishes. Basic broads who don’t understand the complexities of adult long term relationships oversimplify everything. Ignore them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 02:39 PM
86

The one time a man told me I talked too much, I said, “Okay, well I’ll stop talking then.” And hung up and never spoke to him again. If it was sincere teasing and he saw you didn’t like it, he’d apologize and not joke that way. This is boundary testing and negging with a sprinkle of gaslighting. A red flag cocktail, if you will. I hate this nonsense about being “too sensitive” because 9x out of 10, it’s just that you have FEELINGS and your instincts are telling you this person is unkind. This wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 06:19 AM
10

I like that you’re willing to own how you showed up in this situation. We’re not required to be perfect to be deserving of love. There’s a few options for sending the green light: A) if you’re cool with giving it time, you could wait another few weeks and see if he brings it up then make it clear you’re open to it B) you could approach it by telling him that you’ve given it some thought and you’re open to it (then be quiet and let him take the lead) C) you could connect some new milestone (kissi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 01:55 AM
21

Men have offered to do favors for me (relationship or not). I haven’t even had to ask for trips to the airport, etc because they offer. If a man is up in my face and in my phone every week, I will ask for a favor if I feel like it. I have gotten car maintenance, lingerie, plane tickets, and other stuff at my request. It’s one of the few perks of dealing with men IMO. I guess I feel like if he’s asking for my time and attention, I have a right to ask for things. I think they see it as a test for …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 12:57 AM
22

Honestly, I don’t think it makes sense to say you don’t want something and then turn around and wonder why he’s not asking for what you said you don’t want. You’ve put yourself in a position where you will need to give him some type of relationship green light to let him know you are open to being serious with him. Everybody has different timelines so if he’s been consistent, it’s possible that he’s trying to properly time asking for commitment without alienating you. It’s been 3+ months so I th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/20 12:52 AM
2

Don’t need a man who will give me money? No, but I don’t want a man’s sensitivity if it’s not accompanied with coins.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 10:05 PM
14

Yep. If you want to keep your options open, by all means, please do. Just know I won’t be one of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 09:42 PM
49

Yep. I tell them I’m at capacity for male friends but I will add them to the waiting list and circle back when a slot opens up. Foh. This is why it’s necessary to require clarity before engaging with them at all. Sometimes they legitimately do not know what they want, which is fine, but don’t let them figure it out on your time. This is also why you shouldn’t chase relationships or titles. It’s truly NOT a gift, honor or privilege to be in a relationship with a man. He has all the proving to do …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 09:27 PM
44

Ugly men are like broke men in that it’s not a good use of charity to give them a chance. It’s counterintuitive, but they do not treat you better than attractive men. They often treat you worse because of a mix of lack of experience, insecurity, and/or low self-esteem. These things manifest so many ways and none of them are beneficial to a woman dating him. This is reason #62957 why you shouldn’t settle.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 06:08 PM
3

I’ve never done it intentionally. To do it on purpose sounds like delaying the inevitable. Don’t procrastinate. It will hurt no matter when you do it, but I have always felt that the longer you stay, the harder it is. Rip the band aid so you can start really healing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 05:21 PM
14

I wouldn’t buy him a gift at all unless we were in a relationship. I would say happy birthday. Since you suggested dinner, it would be okay to pay for that as a birthday gift. But if I did that, I wouldn’t do a card or anything else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 05:16 PM
94

Also, a man can respect you for a long time, but then take it away. The moment he does that, walk away. Just because he treated you nicely in the past, doesn’t excuse his actions that cause you pain in the present. Always be prepared to walk away the moment he stops respecting you. Don’t stick around, hoping he’ll go back to how he once was. The only way to make a man listen is not by arguing with him about how to treat you, but by showing him with your actions that you’re not going to put up wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:33 AM
3

Honestly? These to me are the most dangerous men. And they definitely pattern match for covert narcissism. It takes a truly vigilant, fearless, and self-committed woman to avoid being trapped by them. I recently walked away from one, and it was a test of whether I just talk a good game or whether I’m truly about this self-love, anti-bullshit life. I passed with flying colors. 😎
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 02:14 AM
33

Scrotes filed lawsuits. You know the only thing lying and cheating men hate more than an empowered woman is being exposed for being trash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:34 AM
134

I will never stop calling this a scam. For as smart as women are, it’s odd to me that so many of us are still signing up for this indentured servitude. Hard pass for me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 11:43 PM
86

It’s a shame Don’t Date Him Girl got shut down. So many men wreak havoc then move on, sell the new woman a sob story, and act as if nothing happened.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 09:55 PM
14

Yep. This is why I say we can’t rationalize bad behavior away just because he displays some redeeming qualities. I have dated some men who seemed good on paper, came from great 2 parent homes, and were gentlemanly in opening doors, paying, etc. But in many cases, they were immature, emotionally abusive, manipulative, and/or misogynistic. And people will gaslight the hell out of you pointing out these “gentlemanly” traits while you’re seeing the bigger picture that includes the red flags or the l…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 07:54 PM
7

You’re welcome. You’ve got this. You sound like a smart woman who has a lot going for herself. Keep that crown perched. xo
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 05:55 AM
30

Sounds like leaving him would be the best first step. Trying to level up while remaining in a toxic relationship is like trying to recover from lung cancer in a room with a chain smoker. You need space to heal and reset before you can set some meaningful personal goals and go after them without the distraction of a dysfunctional relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:47 AM
49

You know this is not the guy so drop him. Your reaction should be hell yeah or no. You’re overthinking it and letting fear drive you to consider someone who doesn’t meet your actual standards. Move along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/20 02:44 AM
55

This is important. Too many women let men figure themselves out, figure out what they want, or grow up on their watches. Learn to be repulsed by a man’s confusion instead of leaning in to convince, perform, teach, persuade, nurture or cajole. HVM know what they want, and when they don’t, they don’t loiter in people’s lives playing games trying to sort themselves out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 11:16 PM
8

Why would you return a gift? If someone gave me something, I assume they intend for me to keep it. Returning it almost seems petty.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 07:41 PM
41

Speechless. I am so sorry you are going through that. Women have decided against cohabitating for much less intense reasons so I absolutely understand. I admire you for even being open to dating again. The levels of deception men can achieve never cease to flabbergast me. I really appreciate you sharing this. Sending you a lot of love and good energy as you move forward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 07:16 AM
14

Do you feel comfortable sharing why you’re divorcing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/20 07:02 AM
78

Congrats. It’s only up from here. (And ironically men will be beating your door down because you love yourself and aren’t pressed for their scraps. Keep those standards high!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 05:42 PM
13

It’s impossible to be too tough on men who cross you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 04:43 PM
15

Doing work he enjoys and earning enough to cover all of his responsibilities and many of his wants. Healthy Savings. Growing Investments. Discretionary income to court me with dates, travel, gifts, etc.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/20 04:04 PM
18

My 20s would probably seem a bit prudish to the average “fun” or “cool” girl, but I have no regrets. In my 20s, I only had sex within committed relationships, and I did not have sex until I was ready in each relationship. I had a LOT of wonderful sex with (a smaller number of) men who prioritized my pleasure and comfort. I developed a very healthy relationship with my body and sexuality along the way. Those experiences cemented my belief that sex should be a mutually fulfilling experience and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 05:14 PM
33

Being supportive is reinforcing what has already happened or is already in motion. Building someone up is urging them to get into motion, holding them accountable for their own goals, and taking action to move them closer to their goals.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 04:35 PM
24

These things vary wildly depending on the lifestyles, ages, and temperaments of the people involved. I think it’s best for women to sort out their personally preferred method and frequency and communicate that rather than adhere to rules. Dating a 38 yo CEO is different than dating a 24 yo student which is different than dating a 29 yo dad. Applying blanket rules to everybody is, IMO, short sighted and unnecessary. The key is that he makes a consistent effort to be in touch in whatever way you b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 03:51 PM
27

Some of us center OURSELVES and our own pleasure and believe it or not, many of us do the “discarding.” We don’t obsess over what someone else is getting or not getting when we come first. Again, by all means, wait until marriage if that feels right to you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 06:42 AM
14

Uh okay. I’m not here to argue or make a case. I was simply pointing out an additional consideration and POV. If sex for you is being fucked and discarded, then by all means, avoid it until you are ready.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 06:28 AM
12

Well, I’m sorry you’ve had so many poor sexual experiences. Sex is not something I “give” a man because I derive just as much pleasure as he does. I find it patriarchal to treat sex like some bargaining chip where I am performing for a man and gaining nothing from it. I genuinely like sex. But then I literally have never had sex with a man who did not prioritize my pleasure. I have orgasms, do what’s comfortable, ask for what I want, etc so it’s not a chore. So I can’t relate to this idea of sex…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 05:55 AM
47

And even with the divorced ones, vet for your life because sometimes his fuckboy ass is the reason the marriage didn’t work. Ask hard, deep questions about why that marriage ended. The last divorced man I entertained jerked his wife around about money, cheated on her before they married (but never told her) and then divorced her after her suicide attempt. And had the nerve to paint himself as the victim. He shared all of this before we were even in a relationship because I listened intently whil…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 05:01 AM
45

I meeeeean, every woman has her own preferences here but knowing my sex drive and likes, I would not merge my life with a man who had not demonstrated he could and would please me sexually on a consistent basis. I say this with no judgment to women who wait until marriage for religious or personal reasons. I’m just saying that waiting til marriage is not a guarantee he won’t be a jackhammering selfish scrote in bed. Many many women will tell you stories of husbands being great in every way excep…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:58 AM
154

And this is why I don’t understand all this bill splitting, guilt, and overthinking about who pays for dates. Him being broke should be a non-starter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:55 AM
1

This. You can either divorce now and get on with living a less stressful existence or keep going in circles with this dead weight. If I were you, I would divorce. There are many less stressful roommate arrangements than the one you described.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:53 AM
55

It doesn’t matter whether he was sincere or not. He’s obviously low value. Read the handbook and consider vetting more aggressively before having sex if a relationship is what you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/20 12:51 AM
70

Hmm. This is a perfectly fine position to have but some of us are having/have had sex with men who please us and prioritize our well-being during sex so we can enjoy it. Nothing wrong with new standards, but there is a way to continue having sex (if you want it) without having to “be fucked” by a scrote. There are a gang of husbands not pleasing their wives sexually so I’m not sure how the status of the relationship fixes whether a man is eager to please or not. If you see sex as a shared experi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 10:43 PM
26

You can feel however you want as long as you don’t continue wasting time with him. You are not a rehabilitation center for a troubled or broken man. It doesn’t matter whether he is coming back because it’s not about him. It’s about you. Time to focus on yourself and your future. Detach and move along.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 10:38 PM
29

Really ask yourself why you are resistant to receiving. A lot of women have been programmed to believe love must be earned or suffered for one way or another. This is work that goes beyond dating. Get to the root of that with a therapist or books and work through it. Aside from that, add up what it costs for you to be at your best romantically. It is not free for you to look great, smell great, feel great, and be mentally and physically available to this man. THAT is your investment. You don’t n…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 08:43 PM
16

This is so confusing to me. You are successful and you want to pay a man’s way? Why? How does that benefit you? Why would you not insist on being with a man who could treat you well and had the means to do so? Why are we constantly making excuses and concessions for men? They constantly aim for women out of their league and feel entitled to all the benefits that come with it. Why do we want to make things easier for men who are not on our level? As someone who also earns more than the average Am…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 06:42 PM
25

Wtf? The correct answer is neither. HVW are easy to lose. See where things go? They’re going in the trash because you are now blocked, sir. Don’t let people play games with you and waste your time. MONTHS have passed and they can’t articulate clear intentions? That means they don’t have any or that telling the truth would mean you walking away. This is not The Bachelorette. It’s perfectly fine to walk away from both of these clowns.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 06:04 PM
46

I’m not exaggerating when I say I would have broken up with him within 48 hours. I am allergic to cheap and stingy men for a long list of reasons. I have gone to Target with men I was just dating and had $200-$300 worth of stuff. And he paid. No awkward discussion or slow hand motions. Just pay and we leave. And then later I kiss him on the cheek and say thanks for taking care of my stuff. I would melt into the floor if I paid for $25 worth of stuff in a store with a man present. This is not eve…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:59 PM
9

Men claim to be the more logical of the genders, but it’s simply not true. We need look no further than their approach to marriage and family to observe this. And they’re used to dealing with women who are drunk off the Kool Aid of the scam that is marry a man where you do most of the household labor, do most of the emotional labor, work 40+ hours a week, incubate his kids, do most of the work of caring for said kids, AND be a sexpot/sister/daughter/friend/human. So if you have opted out of that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:44 PM
5

Bwahahahaha! Worse: Johnson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:40 PM
42

Reach for what? I’m not paying, and playing games is childish. I simply sit and wait for him to settle the bill. When he’s done, I make eye contact and smile and thank him. Then we continue the conversation or leave. No theatrics. It’s just a meal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 07:38 AM
56

This particular type of self-importance is so exhausting with them. One time I dated a cop who gave me a whole speech about his last name and his LeGacY. This man did not own property, hadn't achieved anything noteworthy, and had a generic last name. He told me he only dated women who were classy and had "status." Sir, what??? You're a frickin police officer! I don't know who indoctrinated them with this legacy nonsense, but it needs to stop. They want to impregnate women who outearn them and th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:48 AM
6

Prioritize happiness. Form the habit of setting boundaries and walking away from things that don't serve you. It's not about getting better at stupid arguments. It's about walking away from people who start stupid arguments in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/20 05:39 AM
34

If you read the posts, you’ll see that the overwhelming majority acted (and continue to act) in opposition of FDS principles and then blame the logical outcomes on everything except their willingness to make smart choices and level up. Lot of male centered thinking and pick me stuff from what I’ve seen. Heavy on the excuses and complaining, light on the personal accountability and action.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/20 05:55 PM
5

Sometimes the trash takes itself out. You might want to spend more time evaluating before openings yourself up. I’ve found that 75-90 days is ideal for me as I have gotten stuck in the same way you did and it feels terrible. Also, someone not “choosing” us doesn’t mean anything is wrong or that we’ve done something wrong. Every situation will not be forever. Dating is to collect data and then decide. See it as an investigation and exploration, not an opportunity to be chosen. You are always good…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:51 PM
13

You’re doing the right thing, and you’ve got this. Healing is not linear. Some days you will question your decision, but stick with it. You may feel lonely, sad, confused, disappointed, angry or any other mix of things. That’s okay. Let the emotions move through you and take excellent care of yourself. You’ll eventually feel better and forget so many of these aggravating details. You’ll be on to bigger and better things, and you’ll be so glad you made this brave decision. Kudos for choosing you.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 05:41 PM
41

My experience says these are ways to tell: A) time — a minimum of 60 days but closer to 90 B) how he retains details about you and uses them to enrich the connection between the two of you and make you happy (eg you love lilies and he specifically brings you lilies, not generic roses — and expand this to apply to much bigger aspects of life like your career, hobbies, dreams, etc) C) whether he is comfortable with you controlling the pace even if he is controlling the (mutually agreed upon) direc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:40 AM
7

My mom and I were just talking about this this morning. She said that she applauds me for not getting roped into this Superwoman bullshit where a woman works full time and then works full time again at home because she has a shiftless or misogynistic partner. She explained how my dad was a provider AND a parent. He did not leave her with all the household labor nor did he expect her to make a whole human in her body and work while recovering from making said human. This modern nonsense is a scam…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/20 01:24 AM
100

This! I have never made concessions or exceptions for a man and later thought, “I’m so glad I gave him a chance. That worked out great.” I have literally always regretted giving them the benefit of the doubt and being “understanding” of their shortcomings and re d flags. No more. The standards are sky high and they’re staying that way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:47 PM
13

Yeah, it’s gone from being a preference to a deal breaker for me. After giving it more thought, I realized that it speaks to broader issues about a man’s values, respectfulness, and ability to make sound decisions that require self-control. It says to me that he prioritizes fantasy over real life. It says that he is not a good steward of his time and attention. It says that he doesn’t respect women as more than eye candy for his consumption. It says that he values sexual stimulation more than my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:39 PM
7

If she’s following FDS guidelines, this would be a non-issue as they would be in a monogamous committed relationship before sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 03:53 AM
163

A lot of men secretly feel this way. It’s the reason we have to aggressively negotiate the social contract before marriage and children. They openly admit that they should be doing their share but are somehow victims at the same time. 🙄 they should remain single and do everything themselves since marriage is so taxing and hard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 03:03 AM
56

This was among the reasons I have ditched two men in their 30s. This is such unattractive behavior and I don’t understand why it needs to be said at all, but I’m even more perplexed by men who choose to die on this hill when they have a beautiful, amazing woman in front of them who actually cares about them versus the digital airbrushed fantasy who pays him dust and sees him as a thirsty fan. It’s like they have no pride. It’s super embarrassing for both the woman who cares about him and for him…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 02:48 AM
15

There’s nothing wrong with forgiving people. You forgive for yourself so you can free yourself from the mental attachment to being wronged. The key is to not forget what was done and set appropriate boundaries going forward. Some offenses are worth completely removing people over and others mean you just need to adjust your treatment and expectations of them. This requires discipline and practice. It also requires self-love. Once you value yourself, your mental health, and your time appropriatel…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:10 PM
20

This is why I believe in clean breaks and no contact. These “friendships” rarely benefit the woman and almost always lead to unnecessary hurt feelings and drama. As you noted, he is not obligated to respond to you. I would not reach out again. I would actually dead this whole situation with no further conversation because it’s not productive and it’s causing you emotional distress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 10:02 PM
111

Wow. This definitely needs to be discussed more. Women sometimes get roped in with LVM because they assume they would have no redeeming qualities or they’d be impossible to be around. LVMs are not always obvious at the outset. The last man I dated was tall, handsome, fit, educated, charming, funny, smart, woke, ambitious, likable, and chivalrous. To the untrained eye, he was a great catch. But he could not resolve conflict without getting defensive. He had enmeshment issues with his sister and h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 09:10 PM
20

If you’re multi-dating and focused on yourself as you should be, you wouldn’t have time to obsess over what a man who isn’t committed to you is doing. There’s nothing wrong with him seeing other women if you are not in a relationship. It’s not about you being cool enough to not care. It’s about you having a rotation and full life that keeps you from being more concerned with him than you should be. Also, this is a good reminder to stay emotionally detached until there’s a clear commitment in bot…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 09:03 PM
40

A few things... It sounds like you should seek therapy or professional help to work through your traumas/issues. Whether this man is an excellent support or not, you want to be in a better head and heart space than being unhinged and erratic in this way when you’re triggered. I am a fan of the FDS way, but I think some of us obsess over the “rules” entirely too much. They are guidelines designed to protect us, not iron clad laws that mean any deviation will mean doom and failure. A man who is HV…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 07:55 PM
31

The first date is where I do extensive covert recon. You are interviewing him. You seem interested by asking questions. Men get easily sucked in when a woman listens intently. Mentally, you are taking notes on any flags (red, yellow or green). People love to talk about themselves so it doesn’t come off as an interrogation if you let it flow naturally. Here’s what I try to cover between the first call and first date: -are you single? How long have you been single? Is there anyone who believes the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 06:47 PM
77

If he’s committed to you, it’s time to cut this “friendship” off or dial the interaction way back. He is acting as a surrogate boyfriend to her. Men suck at discerning when another woman is infringing (and sometimes they know but like the ego stroke or want to keep the “friend” on standby). If I were you, I would explain how I felt. If he did not volunteer to set more boundaries with her or disconnect altogether, I would move on. I have seen this story enough times to know that it never ends in …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 07:50 AM
48

Why would you cover any cost of going to see a man? He’s requesting your presence. No different than a date, he should pay. Also, if you still need to see investment, maybe you should hold off on going until you’re clear that he will treat you well and deserves your attention.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/08/20 07:46 AM
17

The irony is that a smart man who genuinely wanted a healthy long term relationship could come here, study, and level way up. He could land the woman of his dreams and have a life beyond his imagination. But that requires humility, curiosity, and sincerity - something we know is non-existent with the typical LVM who lurks and gets butt hurt over the facts stated here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:00 PM
12

So let all of this inform your focus on achieving independence and ending this relationship. He has shown you who he is and that he is not the kind of provider or protector you want or deserve. His reasons and hurtful excuses don’t matter at this point because he’s made himself clear. I realize that this hurts and is probably a surprise on some level, but this is why we keep our eyes and ears open, even after months or years. Also, consider that you are moving into a new season of your life. You…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:53 PM
45

I would save my money so I could move into my own place and secure my own transportation. For a lot of reasons, I wouldn’t want to stay with this man so I’d just make the best of the situation and be laser focused on getting out and moving on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 06:38 PM
8

Congrats! You’ve done what you needed to do and you learned some important lessons about boundaries and not compromising on the type of people (platonic or not) to keep in your life. Kudos!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:43 PM
3

Hmm. If a woman came to my home to spend the night, initiated contact with me, and showed interest, I would think she wanted some kind of relationship. I don’t think what he said was arrogant or far-fetched but I agree with the previous poster that if you don’t want a relationship, initiating the conversation was unnecessary. In my experience, if you maintain hazy boundaries between friendship and dating, you get hazy/strange responses from men. You don’t have to be “cold hearted” in order to ju…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:32 PM
51

This. I just execute and then offer the opportunity to celebrate my achievement with me without the backstory of any long standing insecurities, neediness, or longing. As far as men I date are concerned, I’m iron clad in every area and steadily leveling up. They know they’re expected to be an enthusiastic supporter of whatever I am doing, but they do not know where any insecurities lie. This, for me, has been a perfect balance of receiving the kind of cheerleading and support men should offer wi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:28 PM
14

You’re overthinking it. What has he shown you that is disrespectful, unkind, or toxic? We cannot predict the future, and being suspicious of every single thing (even sweet words and deeds) is both exhausting and self-sabotaging. Would you prefer he mistreat you like the men from the past? How do you wish to be treated and related to in a relationship? If he’s doing that, then I don’t see an issue. If he’s not, then he needs to go. Now if in a month, he starts to withhold those compliments or sta…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:24 PM
80

Well done! His whole speech about the other women is so obnoxious. He is clearly insecure and lacks clarity. So unattractive. I’m surprised you even entertained him when he popped back up. I stopped giving men swinging door privileges, and it was one of the best romantic boundaries I set. They love to sniff around and keep their options open. Not here. I chose you. I dismiss you. Play in somebody else’s face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 05:18 PM
30

You can’t tell whether someone is a HVM via social media. A photo tells you literally nothing about their character, consistency, loyalty, contribution, or integrity. Believe me when I tell you there are men who look amazing on social media who are manipulative lying LVMs in relationships. Don’t be fooled by appearances. That said, the HVM I know personally don’t use dating apps. They are overrun with LVMs, abusers, users, narcs, and losers. HVM do exist, but if I had to guess, I’d say 80+% of t…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 04:20 PM
5

Yes, I’ve done therapy (and still do), and I also work on personal development consistently. A few books that might be helpful: Codependent No More, Boundaries, Safe People, Why Men Love Bitches, The Courage to Be Disliked Also check out Natalie Lue’s Baggage Reclaim blog. The categories on Dating and Boundaries have excellent posts that help you develop the right mindset around being authentic and kind but not taking shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:34 AM
17

I don’t mind at all. 😊 I should say that I get why you are concerned with appearances. I’m just telling you they don’t matter. I am as diplomatic and peace-making as they come, but since I have recovered from codependency and people-pleasing, I realize how much of a prison it is for women to obsess over being nice and managing other people’s opinions of us (over which we have no control anyway). So when this guy raised his voice, I lowered the register of my own voice and said, “[first name], yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 12:13 AM
22

What is the point of being polite if a date is so bad that you’re bailing on it? Care less about being liked or “nice” and more about your personal happiness. I’ve only walked out of 2 dates - 1 because he asked me to pay (I found the waiter and paid my portion then left without speaking to the date) and another because he raised his voice. In neither case did I worry about being polite. I was done, and I needed to leave. So I did. Keep it simple.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 11:21 PM
7

Aww big hug. I really do understand how you feel. It shouldn’t be this hard or require this much defensive strategy. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with so many terrible things at the hands of men. Sending you lots of love and wishes for a pure high value relationship. Hang in there. ❤️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/20 01:48 AM
84

It’s amazing how many problems hypergamy solves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 09:55 PM
25

Thank you! I’ve been mulling this over for weeks and thought someone here might appreciate it. Happy to hear it resonated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:39 PM
55

Yep. Strategy is a way of life for them. The only women I know who are happy in romantic partnerships with men are those who can answer this question with an emphatic yes. They don’t have to constantly hedge bets or feel all this anxiety about things not working out because they are winning either way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 07:37 PM
13

Yep. Full blown scam. It shortens our lives but they’ve somehow convinced women that they should desperately want marriage. I’m still waiting on someone to tell me why a woman should actively desire marriage and children. Literally what does she get out of it that cannot be accomplished without the extra labor and stress?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 03:55 PM
138

Love this. I think it’s easy to feel like we have to suspend the softer sides of ourselves in favor of being ruthless and fiercely protective of our hearts and interests. I have definitely walked away from a man I adored. I knew what needed to happen, but it made me so so sad to do it. It’s okay to give your heart time to catch up to your head’s wisdom. Decentering men takes a lot of unlearning and mental discipline. We should all be applauded for even allowing ourselves to imagine an existence …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:50 AM
52

This speaks to a misalignment in core values. There’s nothing to say. I don’t waste time trying to change men and their uninformed opinions. I just change directions. There is always another man who will happily give you what you want. There is literally no reason to even be having these long annoying conversations with willfully ignorant or commitment resistant men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:45 AM
19

Aww. This sucks. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I do think you should end this sooner than later. You have clarity about the situation. Do your future self a favor and wrap it up. Quarantine isn’t a reason to settle for mediocrity, and we will eventually not be in quarantine. It’d be terrible for him to end things with you once re-opening is on the horizon and you’re super attached. Leave on your terms.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:19 AM
4

I lift weights 5 days a week and do 15 mins of HIIT cardio 2x/week. I have achieved my dream body, and I have better health than ever before. Like a previous poster mentioned, the right thing is whatever you will do consistently. However, I will say that like most things worth having, wellness and fitness require DISCIPLINE. You will not always feel like it. Do it anyway. This is why having a strong “why” is important. You need something to push you forward when motivation runs thin. I generally…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:12 AM
69

What a cringey thing for a man to say! Ugh. I am repulsed by stingy, pocket watching men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/20 01:04 AM
2

I have just asked for money and gotten it. Sometimes I say what it’s for and sometimes not. But I agree that they should periodically volunteer just because.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 07:01 PM
566

Wow. This reminds me why I don’t believe in splitting things with men. They want the intangible labor and access to a woman’s money while providing little to nothing in exchange. Marriage already doesn’t benefit us and now they want us to PAY to be a part of it? The scam of it all. Good for her for protecting herself and not folding. I’m sure she’s disappointed and sad, but she truly dodged an expensive bullet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:58 PM
27

Wow. Thank you for sharing this. I got the same sense but wasn’t able to articulate it as well as you did. It’s important that single women note this because we continue to be told something is wrong with us or that we are missing out even though both statistical and anecdotal evidence suggests we are the smartest happiest group.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 04:56 PM
12

This also made me stop dating men who wouldn’t give me money if I asked. Have you ever stopped to add up what it costs to simply prepare for a date? Much less ongoing maintenance? It’s so EXPENSIVE to be a well put together polished woman. I refuse any paying for dates, and if I don’t get simple things I ask for, I’m out. I won’t even pay for my own parking. Fuck them. I paid $185 in products and services to get here. You will pay for this valet and like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 03:43 PM
127

This used to perplex and annoy me. Then I realized that men are much less rational than society would have us believe. It’s part of the reason I had a come to Jesus with myself about my grooming, fitness, and beauty regimens. I stopped anything I was doing solely for the male gaze. Now I do what I want, what I like, and what makes me feel good. Quarantine has put this front and center since I don’t see anyone as often but I still choose to paint my nails, groom my brows, match my undergarments, …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 05:49 AM
9

First, fear is never a good reason to make a life altering choice that has more downside that upside. Second, women are getting pregnant naturally into their 40s so it's a bit early to be settling for situations you don't want if you're not even 30. If it's that much of a concern, consider freezing eggs or having assessments done to get a sense of where your fertility is. Third, I co-sign every poster who said being single is far better than being a stepmom. I have never talked to a step mom who…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 07:26 PM
20

YES. AND. AMEN. Thank you for this. We all need the reminder from time to time. If you’re not getting what you want, you gotta GO. Immediately. Working that muscle is essential to a woman’s happiness.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:09 AM
49

I feel what you’re saying, and I’m not a fan of most of the vulgar rap these basic rappers are shoveling. But I’m gonna keep it real: sometimes I want to make love, sometimes I want to have sex, and sometimes I want to fuck. I like the poo nanny being beat up from time to time. The key thing is consent and intent. The men I’ve had sex with have been mindful of what is pleasurable for me so I have sometimes requested harder sex and they obliged. I don’t have sex with men who mindlessly do anythin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 06:41 PM
50

I don’t believe it’s a good use of time and energy for me. The return on the investment of time and frustration is far too low. If I got that kind of return on any other area of my life, I would think something was very wrong and needed to change. I have become hyper aware of the value of my time and how important it is to be judicious about how I use it. Wading through oceans of narcissists, fuckboys, broken boys, and posers is mismanagement in my eyes. That said, I completely understand why pp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 06:05 PM
32

This is why taming the ego is so important. Men who are particularly good at giving consistent attention and compliments can rope their way into situations they do not deserve with women who simply need to feel affirmed/seen. This is also why it’s important to have a set of standards for the relationship AND a set of standards for the man himself. If he can’t cut it on his own merit, he has to go, no matter how “sweet” or whatever he is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/20 02:39 PM
68

“Our mess...” OUR? OUR? No sir. YOUR. And there is not enough counseling in the world. Reason #6,194 I am PRO DIVORCE. Mofos are crazy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 11:37 PM
9

Yes. This is important because shame often keeps us in negative cycles and prevents us from getting the advice and support we need. I hope we’ll all continue to be kind yet firm as we hold each other accountable and lift each other.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 11:33 PM
234

I take such delight in watching men fall apart. Premium entertainment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 08:49 PM
78

Yep. I don’t agree with taking men’s last names in marriage either. The tradition started to indicate OWNERSHIP of the wife. I am not anyone’s property. A couple of times men have tried the “I want the family to have the same last name” BS so I tell them to take my last name and of course they are vehemently against that. It’s patriarchal bullshit. I’m a whole person with an identity and accomplishments to my name. I can choose to partner without needing to amend my name. It’s a stupid tradition…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 06:02 PM
35

Yep. They are unbelievably petty and passive aggressive. They have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old boy. And I’m not sure I’ve ever met a more entitled group of people. They truly see women as accessories they are owed for having money. It’s so fascinating yet disturbing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 04:15 PM
91

Whew. This is well-said and accurate. I dodged one of these types and STILL feel relief even though it was a long time ago. I can just sense the level of manipulation and fuckery that would have ensued had I not deaded that at the first sign of trouble (like him saying “I love you” on date 2, having hella boundary issues, and never remembering anything I said). And of course, the women from his past were “crazy” and “jealous.” He was touching about $300k/yr and on track to do more. I’m sure many…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 02:05 PM
21

Could have typed every word of this. Also, OP, you’ll see that quality matters a great deal more than quantity as a HVW. I used to feel something was wrong with me for not having a “lot” of friends. But like men, there are a lot of mediocre women running about. No shade to them, but if you are excellent, you have to surround yourself with excellent people, no matter their gender or orientation. I have a set of standards for friends that is just as specific as the standards I have for serious rom…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 09:09 PM
2

Why do you need to have a feeling one way or the other about something that’s of no consequence? It sounds like he was letting you save face so just let it be and move on. I would avoid reaching out to exes in the future, no matter how well you think you handle the conversations. If he wanted to talk to you, he’d reach out (but even then, the conversation is probably not worth having). Spend some time reflecting on the good and bad of the relationship and let that inform your new standards. The …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:50 PM
23

I generally agree with your sentiment. However, not all makeup sex is toxic or aggressive. The makeup sex I’ve had in my most recent relationships has been lovemaking - it’s been tender, connected, and vulnerable. Sometimes he’d offer another apology or just say sweet affirming things. We saw it as a reconnecting versus a rage dump. I agree that rage or anything submissive or abusive is a no go. But if you both want to intentionally physically connect in a way that reaffirms that you love each o…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 08:46 PM
25

Reason #2,719 I’m pro divorce and pro risking the dick leaving these fools. Men actively avoid necessary confrontation and will do anything to provoke you leaving them except leave themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 05:09 PM
25

They’re too arrogant to keep track. They believe you’re too dumb to notice or that you’re not confident enough to call them out or leave their shady asses. Men like that always think they’re so slick and so much smarter than everybody else. 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 05:03 PM
13

This...flashbacks to the stupid conversations I‘ve had about shady/thirsty/disrespectful social media behavior. Ugh. Never again.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:38 PM
56

Yes. I say ask. I have an excellent poker face so they have no idea whether they’ve given the “right” answer because I just move along to the next topic or question. And in my experience, them answering questions early on helps you sort out any lying, manipulation, or lies of omission MUCH faster. They can pretend for a long time. But if they forgot they told you something week 2 and in week 7, you see glaring contradictions, you win. Best of all, you never need to call it out or have taxing con…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:23 PM
2

Yeah, it’s important to understand this about oneself because it can trip us up. Kind of like ovulation. But I don’t think it’s worth slotting LVM in for this purpose because they are selfish and as noted, only want control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/20 03:04 AM
37

I would stop responding to someone who wanted my time/attention but was not making meaningful moves in the direction I wanted. Don’t overthink it. You don’t owe them anything, including an explanation for why you no longer respond to their communication.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 11:23 PM
8

Basically we all need a certain amount of touch. Before the pandemic, I got this via massages, hugs from friends, hugs from family, etc. The need varies by person, but after quarantining alone, I started to really feel the lack of physical touch with other human beings. More info: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/lifetime-connections/201501/skin-hunger-why-you-need-feed-your-hunger-contact
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:22 PM
17

It sounds like there needed to be better boundaries all around, but I would end this relationship. I have seen in a past relationship of my own as well as others that situations like this are the seed of much larger issues that will multiply. Him turning to an ex is simply not an acceptable way to get emotional needs met so there’s no way he can explain that to make it okay. Further, my experience is that once this is called out, he will not stop. He will just get more secretive and cover his tr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:11 PM
16

Already done. I ended things that day. He had a handful of other issues that kept me from wanting to be serious so me not even being able to get my skin hunger and sex needs met on demand made him completely worthless to me. Next.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 03:16 PM
19

Do men not realize that saying nothing is free? Ugh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:54 AM
29

I am pro-divorce when suffering is the alternative. What you have described is something I would leave over. I would start with a very serious conversation where I laid out in no uncertain terms: a) what the issues were b) how I felt about them c) what the outcome would be if they were left unaddressed. I would open the floor for him to state his position. If he proactively agreed to fix it, I’d observe for 30 days then re-evaluate. Anything less (passivity, gaslighting, excuses, bullshit) would…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:34 AM
8

When I dealt with this in the past, I would either refer to my new standards (which would make it clear why no one from the past mattered or was good enough) or take concrete action toward one of my non-relationship goals. I preferred the latter because it helped me expand my sense of what was possible for my life instead of focusing on nonsense from the past.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:23 AM
242

As a woman who had a man pout and withhold dick from me like a little bitch this week, I 100% agree. They want CONTROL - not love, not sex, not anything else. Their fragile egos simply want control.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:04 AM
10

Yep. I literally refer to the checklist as if I’m grocery shopping. It has saved me so much time and unnecessary heartache and drama. It does require discipline to follow it closely but if you will trust yourself and be consistent, you’ll see amazing results.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/20 04:00 AM
9

Lord have mercy, this is spot on and gave me so much life. I could have typed this word for word. We all need these reminders from time to time because the manipulation can get masterful at times. Stay focused, ladies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 12:11 AM
2

Omg this is hilarious! I’m a reformed Petty Patty but the old me definitely would have done this.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:24 PM
3

No reponse. Block, delete, move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:07 PM
7

I don't understand the reason for going on the trip. You were generous in giving him a chance with you, and he blew it. Text him a flimsy goodbye and block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:05 PM
16

Whew. Felt this. It's odd how they go into these long monologues like they're the World's Most Interesting Man. I have ghosted several for being boring or even worse, being boring and believing they're fascinating. The way they're socialized results in them being terrible conversationalists. Life is too short to be listening to male drivel. Also, I have realized that everybody likes smart women until it's time for women to be smart. Then we get the labels of "difficult" and all of that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/20 07:04 PM
30

Because I want my break to be clean and there are things I need to take care of first. I don’t want any reason to have to contact him or for him to be making excuses to contact me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 01:36 PM
88

As someone preparing a dumping in exactly 15 days, this is straight facts. I have never been more agreeable, passive, and indifferent, and it's because I am done. I am now plotting my exit while his dumbass thinks we're doing great.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 06:12 AM
3

NO. There are men well into their 30s and 40s who do this. It's a type - has nothing to do with age.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/07/20 07:45 PM
10

Relate to this so much. It wasn't until recently when I sat down and ran an inventory on all past relationships that I realized that men have literally been the greatest liability to my mental health, happiness, and general success. I am ruthless about only allowing value adders in my life at this point. Nothing else is remotely worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 11:29 PM
5

Thank you for sharing this. It's quite sweet. And OMG at your mom's IUD. I thought the copper ones were "safe." Smh.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/20 09:03 AM
26

Yes. And. Amen. Best wishes to his current baby mama and the way he hides her from the world. Bullet dodged. Grateful that I didn't get what I thought was so right for me. Life is good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 06:08 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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