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Actingaccordingly007 Archive

View 7 posts and 52 comments by Actingaccordingly007 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Just download tender, bruh. U don’t need to lose the urge, you need to embrace it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/26 02:23 AM
2

I’m not trying to be a stalker or be a creeper. Something just feels really off with her and no matter how I try to talk to her she refuses to even acknowledge that anything is amiss. Could it be solely in my head? Sure. But have u ever just felt something…like in ur bones u know it, but can’t really say why? It’s like that. I’ve never been the jealous or distrusting sort but smth is giving me the vibe.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/24 09:38 PM
1

I’ve talked and talked and talked…I tell Her all I want is for us to agree to work on our deficiencies. But she won’t even acknowledge that deficiencies exist. In my opinion, she’s afraid that if she identifies any problems then she’ll have to do something tangible to work thru them. She thinks just ignoring them makes them go away. No problems = no solutions. It’s like that even with minor disagreements and i just don’t know how to deal with it anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 04:04 AM
2

Whatever u decide, set some firm boundaries and stick to them.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/24 03:03 AM
1

You’re probably right, but I just don’t think she’s capable…not because she cares about me too much but she knows how much harder her life would be. She’s like minimal effort on literally everything. I’d almost be proud of her if she summoned the motivation and wherewithal to strike out on her own. It’d probably be good for both of us. But the good thing and the easy thing are seldom the same so here we are.
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/24 05:20 AM
2

You’re 100% right. The only issue is that I think she can sense when I’ve reached my boiling point and suddenly we have an amazing few days and it seems like everything is on the right track. Then it starts all over again. It just really sucks cuz u work so hard to get to a point in life where u feel relatively comfortable and the idea of pressing the reset button is terrifying.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:22 PM
1

I do love her. And yes she loves me. In her own way…I think of love in terms of affection and she views it in terms of duty. She loves me like I loved my old lawnmower.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/24 11:11 PM
6

Idk if most guys are like this but I keep sticking around because I’m like determined to not let my marriage fail. And sometimes I wonder if that is part of my problem. I can’t bring myself to quit or just let go. I’m just determined that I can fix it. But in reality all I’m doing is throwing good money at bad. Sometimes you’ve gotta just realize a bad investment and cut your losses. I’m really struggling with that right now…the white towel is in my hand, I just have to drop it on the mat.
/r/Divorce_Men22/02/24 03:57 AM
6

I’ve been told I’m gaslighting simply for asking her to explain why she is accusing me of “being rude” 😂😂😂 If it’s true that you teach people how to treat you, I’m a very poor teacher. I just don’t understand how the entitlement and indifference to me just grows by the day.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/24 06:04 PM
1

Nate Bargatze is pretty good on marriage
/r/Divorce_Men20/02/24 06:31 AM
1

I think if you’re being genuinely honest with yourself you know exactly why you want out. I felt like this for a long time because I was afraid to face facts that were right in front of me.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 03:26 AM
1

Not to be naive, but Is there not a more amicable way? One that doesn’t involve making her your enemy and/or opponent?
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/23 04:12 PM
1

I was referring more to the conversation you had when deciding to divorce. Were there no explanations or conversations on why you felt it was best? I guess I’m more so asking how you got a npd to act reasonable and amicable when she didn’t have complete control.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/23 04:55 AM
1

How did u approach the initial conversation regarding the split and custody? Were u able to express your actual feelings without your feelings hurting her feelings? Did you feel the need to justify your feelings against her attempts to invalidate them? I’m genuinely curious because I know if I were to have this conversation I’d have to be laser focused to avoid her relentless attempts to derail me from justifying any situation or issue that she needed to be accountable for…
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/23 04:48 AM
1

Ohhh so you’ve already filed it just hasn’t been finalized?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/23 04:06 AM
1

If you’re not yet divorced, did u two agree on custody with a handshake agreement or an actual signed document via lawyers?
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/23 03:32 AM
1

What kinda contingencies?
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 03:47 AM
3

She served you papers then told you she didn’t want the divorce? Sounds about right. I can’t even pretend to understand how someone can repeatedly say they want something, then be genuinely surprised when they get it.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 10:00 PM
2

Did she legit think things were going ok or did she just never think you’d have the balls to pull the trigger despite the “soft” talk of it?
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/23 09:23 PM
1

What exactly do you mean “at least as good as her”? I’m about as involved as I can possibly be with school, sports, hobby’s, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 08:25 PM
1

Not in a community property state, married 10years and yes she works and makes a salary slightly more than mine.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:36 PM
2

Separate bank accounts, no accounts with both our names, salaries are pretty similar and no I’m not in a common law state.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/23 06:34 PM
1

It might sound like a dumb question but how does being 1st to file create an advantage where you are calling the shots? Does filing first affect custody arrangements or who gets to keep the house?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 03:48 AM
1

So when she left for the weekend and u filed, did that create an advantage for you in the proceedings? Also just curious, but how does filing bring stability into the situation?
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 03:34 AM
4

I had to recheck the username to make sure it wasn’t me that just wrote your post. I swear that is the EXACT situation I find myself in. It’s like all she seems to care about is what it looks like from the outside but has zero interest in actually working on us. But boy does she love taking and posting the pictures to show the world how happy we are. It’s so fake it’s almost comedic….its like, she believes more in the fantasy world she creates on social media than the actual reality of our lives…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 03:20 AM
3

It’s just hard because when you zoom out everything seems fine. But on closer inspection things are not ok at all. So much so that sometimes I’m asking myself, “do I really feel like this? Is it really that bad?” When I know in my heart, yes, tf it is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 09:12 PM
5

I think that’s one of the main things holding me back from filing. I know as soon as I do, she’ll make me feel sorry for her, and I’ll end up feeling like it was all my fault. This happens in micro doses in our relationship ALL THE TIME. Despite the fact that I’m prepared for it and see it coming, for some reason I can’t stop it. Idk if she’s just that good at it or I’m just a giant doormat or some combination of the two. Either way, somethings gotta give.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 07:14 PM
9

Ok this might sound stupid but why tf are so many women content being in a marriage with a man they don’t love?!?! Or do so many just not know what it means to be happy and satisfied? I’ve asked my wife, “do you think you’d be happier if you were married to someone you actually liked, respected and were attracted to?” Her words say she is but her actions scream she is not. Is it possible that it makes women happy to be miserable? 😂😂😂
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/23 03:57 PM
1

I just don’t know. Several times I’ve thought I was ready until I told myself, “let me just try this first, let me just fix this first, etc”. I always feel like the solution is right around the next corner. Or I fear that I’m going to end things prematurely. I keep hearing the cliche, “it’s always darkest just before dawn”. Like how do you know when you’re 100% ready?
/r/Divorce_Men19/10/23 07:49 PM
1

But I’ve told her..:multiple times and in the most diplomatic and sensitive way I could muster. And everytime she nods and pretends to empathize and says she wants me to be happy, but takes no accountability for her actions. I say to her, your happiness and comfort is important to me, so I try to listen and take in to account what she needs from and do my best to provide her what she desires. But when it comes to her approach to me, it’s become more like “it is what it is, take it or leave it”. …
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/23 02:25 AM
2

It really hurts to face the fact that your wife doesn’t respect you. Like fr fr…but if the shoe fits, right?
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 03:12 AM
5

I feel like this is probably about right. I just don’t understand why she is so adamant that nothing is wrong and just flat out refuses to talk. Either way I just can’t take being in a loveless, affectionless, sexless marriage any longer. It’d be one thing if she was like, “how can we fix this?!”. But instead she’s like, “fix what? Nothing is broken”. I’ve just got nothing to work with. But, she also says she has everything she could ever want or need and doesn’t want anything to change. So, idf…
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/23 02:55 AM
1

If the relationship has been like it is for years, do u think she will be surprised and defensive or relieved and accepting? I really think it comes down to the exit strategy. Also, not so much what you say but how you say it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/23 11:33 PM
1

Right, but what was the final straw? Was there a fight or just the long sought realization that it was never going to change?
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 07:50 PM
1

I could really see her going either way. Maybe contentious at first but leveling out once reality sets in. I guess it depends on how long she holds onto the idea that everything was fine and dandy. I express to her how incredibly worried I am about our future and how important it is to me that we work our relationship. She either gets irritated that I even mention it or shrugs it off like it’s nothing or just asks if we can talk about it later. But, I can almost guarantee that when I break the n…
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/23 12:02 AM
1

I guess my ultimate question is, is it more a death of a thousand cuts or a huge gut punch that you can’t recover from? Also, when you have kid(s) how do you ultimately reach the decision that it will be better for them..:especially when the kids are perfectly happy with their life and situation. My daughter is 11 and thinks things are great for the most part. Things were pretty up and down for most of her young life and for the past few years things have really stabilized. Now that life has nor…
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 07:44 PM
1

This is basically where I am…I bet I’ve had the conversation with her 1000xs in my head
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 01:45 AM
1

Was the third party just an impartial observer or a friend? And just wondering, looking back, what signs did u overlook that seem obvious now?
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/23 01:43 AM
2

Sorry you had to go through that. How is life on the other side of that?
/r/Divorce_Men03/10/23 07:52 PM
1

I appreciate it…I was just wondering what kind of actions she took that I should keep my eye out for. Like a way to determine if she is done done or just waiting for something to change. Because when I sensed something was off I started really trying to be super husband. But everything I tried to do seemed only to accelerate her detachment. So I’m just wondering what u saw or would have done differently.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/23 09:16 PM
1

Can u explain a little bit how it went down for you? If I suggest divorce and she agrees then at least it’s a result. It’s the continued state of ambiguity that is the root of all my anxiety. Because I actually think this is a very real and likely scenario for us. And if so, just get it over with already. In fact, I’m nearly at the point where I’m just waiting on my own damn moment tbh
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 09:46 PM
2

I’m nearly convinced this is exactly what’s happening. I think she likes our life, our home, our situation, our setup…it’s just me she’s completely indifferent to and she won’t even @&$/in acknowledge any of it!
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 12:20 AM
2

We’ve tried it before and she just shuts down, but I’m willing to give it a try…I’m willing to work on me and admit my failings, but I can’t even get her to talk about what changes are needed!
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 12:17 AM
1

I hate to toss away 10 years of marriage based on a hunch. I know it probably seems more obvious from the outside looking in, but we’ve been through a lot and I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt…but the doubt is surely increasing. I ask her all the time “what do you need from me? What can I do to make you happy”. But she just tells me she’s perfectly happy and there’s nothing that needs changing I just need to stop over analyzing everything. But she never wants to be touched, she ne…
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/23 12:10 AM
2

The thing is, we don’t really fight or argue, it’s just when I try to talk about anything regarding our relationship she refuses to acknowledge there’s any problem. All I want her to do is tell Me what’s up, be honest, identify the issues and try to resolve them. Together…Whatever they may be. But she refuses to even acknowledge there’s Any issue so finding solutions is impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 03:04 AM
2

I think this is probably the right answer. I keep thinking there is something I can do that will make things different overnight. More chores, gifts, favors, anything for her. And it only seems to make things worse not better. I need to flip the script
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:57 AM
1

My social like outside my marriage and family had been roughly nonexistent in the past few months. I’ve recently started trying to rebuild it, have myself in great shape, hobbies, education, etc…but the ambiguity of my marriage is taking its toll..,physically, mentally, emotionalky…but without fail, when I’m ready to just throw in the towel, she gives me a few crumbs of affection and the cycle begins again. I’m just exhausted.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:50 AM
1

Fair point…I guess I’m just a little hesitant to pull the plug in the event there is something left to be saved.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:43 AM
1

My intent isn’t to threaten her or give an ultimatum. I just want to give her a chance in the hopes she still cares enough to do something. Sounds pathetic I know….
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:40 AM
1

I sincerely don’t know what else to do. I have taken a step back. I’ve tried being super husband, I’ve tried giving her space. It’s like anything I do just makes things worse. I don’t want to threaten anything. But it’s like she just doesn’t care what I do one way or another.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/23 02:26 AM
1

I really don’t want to be overly contentious, I just want her to want to work on us
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:22 PM
2

We’ve done counseling before and I’m just not sure she’ll be honest about her feelings. Getting her to talk about her genuine feelings is next to impossible.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/23 11:20 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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