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Altowhovian93 Archive

View 1 posts and 443 comments by Altowhovian93 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

DISCUSSIONAltowhovian93/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/21 03:10 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
83

My socials are basically my cats social. People who don’t like the crazy cat lady are free to unfriend! There’s no such thing as personal social media anymore. Your employer will look at it and people will steal your photos to use for other purposes. You need to keep a tight handle on what you post, as people do judge what’s visible!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 06:01 AM
26

I needed this in my early 20s!!! Awesome post OP!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 05:52 AM
7

That’s also valid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 03:08 PM
83

The best birth control is not having sex with any man that you could not tolerate bare minimum co parenting with for 18 years on the 1% chance the condom breaks or BC fails.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 01:06 PM
46

That sounds like an awesome girls night!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/22 06:36 AM
40

This ^ don’t hide yourself, just don’t provide wife benefits to a date! HV people don’t play games or be with people who do!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 04:49 PM
60

Don’t accept criticism from people you wouldn’t ask for advice - I love it!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 01:46 PM
2

Preach it!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/03/22 02:28 AM
3

That was the point that I was trying to make, and you explained beautifully. It is absolutely okay to have physical preferences and want your partner to be healthy and take care of themselves, and be able to leave said partner if they aren’t taking care of themselves and/or holding you to unreasonable standards. Absent that, we do need to take into account that with normal aging, genetic factors, and medical issues that aren’t a result of poor life choices; people appearances change as they age,…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 05:37 PM
6

Never said I didn’t think my husband wasn’t, just that his hairline is going to go! You also do you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 08:25 PM
43

I would not have married him if he had any of these expectations. It’s a great vetting strategy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/02/22 12:28 AM
5

Same. My husband and I literally met because he was friends with my ex and we shared a whole friend group. We also double dated several times! So our exes come up on occasions when we are talking about our college days. Its something that happens when you are dating in a small group. Red flags to watch for are jealousy and constant comparisons or overly negative reactions. I like your last point about bring it up early, seeing if he’s got an issue with it and moving on it he does.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 09:33 PM
128

I have accepted my husbands hairline will eventually recede (I’ve met his dad and uncles). He’s not trying to hold onto his youth, use rogaine, wear a bad toupee etc, and he’s accepting it as a normal part of aging. Just like he accepts the fact that I will also age and look different as I get older. and he continues to treat me like the queen I am. His attitude is what makes the difference!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/22 09:20 PM
8

YES!!! My husband and I are both gamers, this is a very good vetting list for gamers. One thing I like about my husbands gaming habits is that if he notices he’s getting too “ragey” over a game, he puts it away or switches to a different one. It’s a hobby we both share, and he likes being able to play PS5 on the couch with me on my gaming laptop next to him. So even tho we are doing different things, we are still spending time together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/22 04:26 PM
28

This is a hard lesson to learn, and it applies to dating and career realms. Match their energy and you will not waste yours!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/22 02:21 PM
3

Reading between the lines, they got married so they could have sex; but did not have thorough discussion on career plans, kid plans, how much does the other want to see extended family, household role expectations, and sex life expectations.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/02/22 06:24 PM
7

Kids are hilarious and amazing and this is EXACTLY why girls need aunts in their lives!!! Keep being an amazing aunt!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/22 06:59 PM
27

If you are dating with the intent of marriage, it’s fine to voice that and see how he reacts. Ask about his 5 year plan, career goals, and if he wants kids. if he likes you and wants to be exclusive, he ask early on and be direct with his intentions. Also, NO SEX! You do only public and group dates until he asks for exclusivity. This tends to sift out the idiots who only want sex and people who want to waste your valuable time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/01/22 11:52 PM
34

Be wary of people who try force their way up in these circles. If they make you feel uncomfortable, keep them away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 08:51 AM
10

Finally, the justice system prevailed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 03:03 AM
13

Opioid chic 😂😂😂 money really does not make up for unhealthy life styles!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:21 AM
25

Good grief that also!!! I can’t tell if he just dragged her out of bed for that whole ordeal or if she intentionally appeared that way to show how little she cared.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:13 PM
23

When my husband and I first started dating, he was very extra with gifts, and did something special every other month. I got burned with gifts in a past relationship, so I stuck to the occasional note and food related gifts. Now that we are married, he’s still extra and I put more effort in, but we also are on a budget. So we have conversations about just wanting something small and personal because of household expenses. We both know each other’s interests and get gifts tailored to that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:53 PM
59

Same. There’s a difference between keeping your life private and never ever mentioning you have a spouse/live in partner/ and/or kids. It’s not safe to tell everyone your business but Never ever mentioning it makes one think you have something to hide.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 06:37 PM
119

I don’t think she did, I think they have at least one child. I used to follow him and I did not know that he was married until the whole drama with the mistress came out. Dude spent all day on relationship advice and never mentioned he was married 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:54 PM
235

“Relationship expert” that was caught with his mistress and had his wife sit next to him thru his live public apology video 🙄🙄🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 05:50 PM
84

No one asks out, there must be something wrong with meeeee! (2010s me was very melodramatic)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/12/21 01:22 AM
15

She just graduated from Oxford!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:37 AM
16

THIS!!! Mental health, friendship, and school over boys!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:35 PM
6

A lesson on how teenage boys will be awful no matter what you wear but at the same time you don’t need to dress like a stripper to get anyones approval. You are only 13 once and that is absolutely the time for sparkles and way too much blue eyeshadow!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 02:34 PM
1

It’s okay, we all have our “learning experiences”!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/21 12:34 PM
10

Aww, thank you ☺️☺️☺️
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 09:17 PM
394

Men who won’t set boundaries with friends/family/work!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 01:55 PM
8

Check out /femalelevelup strategy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 01:52 PM
116

Dude. You are at an Adele concert. And proposing. PUT ON A SUIT!!!! And take her to get her nails done and tell her to dress to the nines!!!! Also I side eyed when he thanked her for being patient. Really?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/11/21 01:09 AM
26

If people ask, I say I don’t get to see my family much and then I change the subject. For context, my mother is mentally ill and I haven’t talked to my dad in 10 years. If they keep pressing I say I’m not comfortable talking about it, it’s none of their business and I end the conversation. Flat out lying about bad family situations does not gain you in the long run. You have to keep track of lies and it makes what you say suspect later, because you lied. I feel like this is part of female social…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 07:11 PM
21

I wouldn’t call it a success because of how much it hurts, but I have not talked to my dad since he disowned me almost 10 years ago. My witch of a stepmom couldn’t stand that he had a life before meeting her and gave him an ultimatum of her or his family. Guess what he picked :/ It took me a while to put blame on my dad instead of just on her. What helped was having some support from other family members but a lot of support from my ride or die friends giving me outside perspective. I am also st…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:49 PM
50

If you have large amounts of wealth/assets, prenuptial agreement and a well written will would be needed. Marriage to a HVM has legal and emotional benefits. Overall this is a dating sub. Most people here do want to date to find and marry a long term partner, which is why we vet so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:38 PM
27

My father in law also adores my mother in law; he always sings her praises, takes her on fun dates, always checks in when he’s traveling, does all the dishes and dries while she has her after dinner coffee, worked hard for the last 30 years to provide for his family, and intentionally set that example for my husband and his brother. I can see exactly how my husband took it because he treats me just like his dad treats his mom; that is very well!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 10:27 PM
13

This!!!! So much this!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 08:47 PM
3

Been there, did that, got the crappy T-shirt that fell apart in the wash, and I was not eligible for a refund! Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:41 PM
50

There is no reward for unnecessary suffering. The reward should be a healthy relationship, not one sided misery. Relationships take work on both sides to maintain. “Don’t be unequally yoked” etc etc etc!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:23 PM
5

Same. Like, Why all the hate for something you aren’t interested in? It’s a waste of his time! It goes back to a section of men always hating on things women like that have nothing to do with getting male attention (Starbucks, horses, astrology, fashion, etc)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:43 PM
24

Yep! Check out his opinion of your passions and hobbies. My husband may not get why I like what I like but he’ll remember my hobbies and go out of his way to get me things related to them. And with several, he’s also become interested and it’s now a joint hobby! If it’s something you enjoy and put a lot of time in, your parter should respect that if not willing to join in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/21 04:41 PM
88

Things you did well: parking in public, noticing the red car going out of its way to park by you, listening to the weird feeling in your gut, waited for him to leave first, and most importantly you got home safe. Hopefully there’s not a next time, but cut him off at question 2, make up an appointment, say you’ve got Carrie level flow and got to GTFO. Or straight up ignore him trying to get your attention and then GTFO. Men like that rely on your social conditioning to be nice and helpful in orde…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:40 AM
79

^ this! Can confirm! Many homeless men can’t go home because they won’t stop using/stealing/work/be respectful of the people providing them a home.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:27 AM
59

I worked in a homeless non profit once. In hindsight, a lot of the men were there because they couldn’t maintain family relationships, put drugs over employment, and just could not cooperate with others. There were 2 out of the 16 I worked with that had the drive to get thru the program and move on. And of course can’t forget the one I found out a year later had been arrested for murdering his uncle and burning uncles home down. That’s why he was homeless!!! He’d murdered the uncle over money an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/11/21 03:25 AM
23

Check his state or past states department of corrections, parole board website, and sex offender database. there’s either an online option or a number you can call. Or google “John smith arrest” John smith [state]”. Local law enforcement may also be able to run a check for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 02:08 PM
161

I work in child welfare and I have this conversation a lot with the moms that I work with. Google his full name, check all social media, check into their exes, check his family’s social media. Most states have a record search option on their dept of corrections and parole board sites, also do a sex offender search. Local newspapers often still post weekly arrest stats. Spokeo will give you partial addresses and phone numbers. If what he’s told you doesn’t match what you’ve found, reconsider the …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/11/21 02:04 PM
137

My opinion is that it’s a waste of time and it can be harmful to your skin. The point of pubic hair is to protect your vulva from dirt and bacteria and it’s also supposed to enhance sexual pleasure. Contact plucking and shaving causes irritation and ingrown hairs, and for who?! Males who can handle a natural full grown woman? I read somewhere (probably here) that the only people who have naturally hairless vulvas are LITERAL CHILDREN. It must be asked, WHY would any man be solely attracted to a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 01:30 PM
37

Adult men don’t talk to you because you are Ms Congeniality, it’s because your an easy mark!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 02:32 AM
28

One person can make all the difference in pushing someone to finish school, go to college, get that job, dump that guy, and stand up for yourself. Take every chance to encourage your sisters!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 03:49 PM
3

This!!!!! Tell kids why things are bad and why you as the parent have rules. It’s not to be uncool it’s to keep you safe!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 06:01 PM
7

CPS worker here. Absolutely Monitor you children’s screen time, no tv in their rooms, vet what tv shows and commercials they watch, no phones at night until they are in highs school, meet their friends parents, and vet them carefully before allowing sleepovers. They have friends at 8 years old that will show them porn videos and unfortunately some children do act out what they see on videos on other children or younger siblings. High schoolers even still need random phone and social media checks…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 06:00 PM
39

My husband doesn’t look awful clean shaven but he does look exactly like his baby brother, so I have told him he can’t ever shave. (Edit: as a joke. He prefers himself with facial hair) Facial hair dies hide a lot, and same with baldness covering receding hairlines. Some of this can be due to cultural norms of having/not having it. An important thing to look at is if your bearded man washes and grooms his facial hair regularly. Overall I think no shave November/pink ribbon month would be better …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 05:47 PM
238

Oh I thought this was hilarious when I read this in school and sad when I read this now. This should be required reading for relationship therapy, for assessing what you really want out of a partner and why. this essay is also exactly why alimony or extra tax credit is needed for stay at home parents for the sheer amount of unpaid labor that goes into it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/10/21 05:40 PM
21

Not just Tampons, but baby wipes, trash can with a bag, your preferred painkiller, and an extra heating pad. If he can’t handle that week of the month, he’s not worth another 5 seconds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/21 01:57 AM
83

This is me @ the girl who is now married to my ex. Like you started as the side piece. This is not going to end well. He’s not a catch and he started on his “dad bod” waaay before you announced you were having a child. Those two having a child is mildly terrifying. Bullet dodged for me!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/21 01:55 PM
7

I think it’s more a thing at religious colleges and colleges in the south US. It all goes back to “get married before you get old and undesirable” 🙄
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 05:42 PM
5

I’m not a big fan of having a lot of bills and it doesn’t make sense to be to have a payment plan on a small piece of metal. House, car, college, sure, but Jewelry? He should be able to pay for that up front if it’s something saved for.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 05:40 PM
21

The ring should be suited to your tastes; he should either ask you directly or ask you close friends and family what you like, that’s also how he can find out if their an heirloom ring on your side you are partial to. It needs to be expensive enough to be durable and something you want to wear often, but it’s okay to get a less expensive ring if you both want to invest more in a fun wedding/honeymoon, house down payment, education costs, etc. also (this is just me) the ring should be completely …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:57 PM
33

It’s when juniors and seniors in college try to get engaged by spring semester. College is one of the few times when you are around a lot of men your age, most women try to take advantage of that. Also you get social clout and a lot of attention. I went to a school that was famous for it, it’s mass hysteria combined with FOMO.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/21 01:48 PM
9

My “no” list was Preacher - that come with the emotional unpaid labor of preachers wife Athlete - I hate sports Military - I am a military brat and I never wanted to move again or be married to someone that was gone half the year. I married a teleworking data manager that also hates sports who wants to at least stay in our 100 mile radius.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 07:58 PM
47

Wear want you want and do the activities you want! Break ups are hard, especially in new places with out a lot of friends. Go thru his place a ahead of time, make sure you have all your stuff out, vice versa for his. Don’t leave any excuses for a future meet up. If you gave him a key, change your locks. If you live together, have a set plan in place to move out/trusted friend to stay with. Make sure he’s off any of your streaming subscriptions. For the break up itself, it may be “polite” to do i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/09/21 10:36 PM
13

I’m just waiting for the update that she’s at least found and can be laid to rest. Sounds like she’s suffered enough.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 06:17 PM
15

:( that’s why I said at least 6 months but also have someone tracking you during the trip. Vetting filters some but nothing all creeps. It makes me wonder how her family never noticed. Or what’s up with his that they raised a sociopath.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 03:30 PM
39

This story has blown up all o we the internet. I can’t believe this guy doesn’t get how sketchy he looks, not telling parents/family she might be missing, driving several days home in her van, refusing to talk to anyone, hiring an attorney and then disappearing? Good grief! Vetting tip: don’t go on a road trip with any man unless you’ve been dating for over 6 months. Before the trip, verbalize you have a plan to check in with your BFF/mom/sister with “fun updates” or “my parents like to track my…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/09/21 03:10 PM
14

This! I’m married and not dating but the ideal loft and lifestyle fits what I believe and want to pass on to my future children and other women. I’m here to learn, validate, and encourage.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 12:12 PM
27

Great vetting strategy! My now husband called me randomly once while he was at Walgreens, wanting to know what my preferred brands were so he could take a photo of the package and save it. I have heavy flow and feel like death for 3 days during my period. He’s always willing to bring me Tylenol, heating pad, ice cream, and take over my part of the chores that week of the month. Like others have said, HVM don’t stress over periods, they are willing to learn what you need, and take steps to take c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:33 AM
22

Yes!!! Get a basic toolkit for your home (and your car)- hammer, multi head screwdriver, pliers, measuring tape, small level, and a cordless drill, along with nails, screws, and ductape. YouTube is great for learning how to do minor repairs. You’ll save on having to call maintenance and plumber. I found it also helped with my self confidence. I may not have my life together, but I can fix a toilet and hang my own decor!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 05:27 AM
15

That was a fantastic analysis. I never picked up the premarital sex metaphor and it makes perfect sense! I remember being confused reading the books in HS about why Bella was so gung ho about turning into an immortal vampire at 18 but refusing to get married. Like the marriage bit is easier to undo than giving up your humanity, what gives?!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 05:58 PM
7

Awesome job!!! Boundaries take practice and this is a very good start!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/21 05:43 PM
6

It’s now hidden under cynicism and sarcasm, but a bit is still there!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 07:19 AM
7

I knoooooooow I was soooo embarrassed after this. We weren’t even together, he’d broken up with me like 6 months earlier!!! I finally learned to set firm boundaries and keep them. No man is worth walking thru snow!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 11:45 PM
1

I have been in an LDR that worked, but it’s different for every situation. for yours, you have only known him for 2 months, you are finishing up a degree, and I don’t see a thought out long term “game plan”. Are you going back to your country? Is he coming to where you are studying? Is there a plan for how you both will visit and maintain contact? Is this 2 month long relationship with a guy you don’t know very well worth limiting your social life and time for however long it takes to stop being…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 05:33 PM
35

Let’s see…I let several guys benefit from my emotional labor with out being in a committee relationship. But what takes the cake is me WALKING…thru SNOW…to see my EX’s group performance and while there I overheard a conversation that confirmed he was with the girl he had been talking to PRIOR to us breaking up. I sat thru the performance, talked to him at the end, walked back home ALONE and THRU SNOW. That did spark me to finally get rid of the rest of his things and stop talking to him but shee…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 04:04 PM
40

It might be time for a social media break. It’s exhausting seeing at every angle how wrong things are. Shut your phone off, take a hot bath, journal, listen to music, go to bed early. The world sucks and it’s okay to take a break.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 02:18 AM
24

Christine and the phantom; and then her husband in the sequel from phantom of the opera. She should have dumped both of them and kept her opera singing career. Granted the whole play was written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, a lot of the songs are projections on how he was treating his at the time wife, Sarah brightman, the original Christine. If you actually listen to the lyrics of all I ask of you, it’s saying as long as she’s loved she doesn’t need anything else. Woman, you have the voice of an Ang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:41 PM
67

I used to shave my arms and everything else 1-2 times a week from freshman year of high school to my first year of grad school (I think I started shaving just my legs in 4th grade). I’ve got noticeable thick hair on my arms and I got teased. When I finally “let myself go” years later, it was ridiculous how much more free time and healthier skin I had since it wasn’t spent on performative grooming. I do put time into skincare and moisturizing but I feel better because it makes me healthy, not pre…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/21 02:35 PM
52

This is horrifying. All these poor women, victimized and murdered by this one man. Bravo to the volunteer crimesolvers and the bio mother for trying to do right by her daughter,
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:38 PM
14

You are doing amazing OP!!! Keep at it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:18 PM
13

This this this this this!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:16 PM
10

Don’t date anyone who got out of a serious relationship within the past 12 months. You are the rebound they work out their issues on and they will break up when they feel they have recovered. Also, don’t go straight to grad school because the real world is scary. Get out of your comfort zone! Along with dressing cute everywhere because you might meet “the one” is stupid. Wear practical comfy clothes and rock it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 08:15 PM
11

I saw a post some where that said abusive men pave the way for mediocre men putting no effort in and reaping the benefits. Men need to be held to standards, not just better than who came before.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 02:43 PM
13

Good! For! You!!! We are so proud of you standing up for yourself and putting you first!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 02:39 PM
91

Don’t ever have sex with someone who is giving you mixed signals!!!!!!!!!!!!! This only gets you a situationship and a “wel we werent dating so it doesn’t count!” If he doesn’t have the decency and manners to be direct and ask you out, don’t give him even a minute if your valuable time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/09/21 02:36 PM
3

In the US state I am in, unmarried fathers have no rights unless they file in court. That’s not a protecting for single moms; it makes it easier for men to dip out with no consequences
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/08/21 08:35 AM
19

LOL that is funny! Diamond and platinum is a pretty combination. Does he know what kind of setting and designs you like?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:47 PM
22

This! Short and to the point. You will love them but if your needs and standards aren’t met, you are out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 04:40 PM
46

Someone else replied that social media doesn’t tell the whole story. I know plenty of dads who play dad of the year on Facebook and don’t do anything else. I do think it is weird that the men you are talking about aren’t married to their children’s mothers if they are HV. SomeThing is Up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 03:23 AM
2

OP. This man already lied to you once and you don’t like porn use. Drop him and walk away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 03:08 AM
56

Accidents happen? A situation like this is why FDS recommends waiting to have sex, using effective birth control, and thoroughly vetting. On the 1% chance that birth control fails and you go thru with the pregnancy, you need to be damn sure this man will be an active parent and provider to his child.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 03:06 AM
32

Round your age up/down bit, switch minor details in anecdotes, don’t have parts of your name in your username!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/08/21 02:54 AM
134

Marriage is a commitment that you and your spouse will love and support each other. Our community and our faith holds us to a higher standard of love and support because we made a public and legal commitment to each other that we would be partners and care for each other. I have a right to make legal and medical decisions on behalf of my husband (and vice versa) and I have the right to his assets in the event of his death (and vice versa). He will automatically be the legal parent of my children…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 07:19 PM
79

^ this. Marriage is a legally protected status. Which is why marriage equality is important.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/08/21 07:06 PM
7

If they only keep in contact with toxic people for financial support/inheritance, drop them. Money with strings is not worth a peaceful life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/08/21 12:16 AM
44

Also, look at how he chooses to interact with a toxic family system: does he set boundaries (and enforce them)? Does he explain why he is no/low contact with family? If his family is toxic, does he explain why he is still in contact? Does he know if he is expected to support aging parents/younger siblings? Does he choose to live near them or be far away? Most important, does he intend to stand up and shield you from the mess? Or if he expecting you to be the “family manager”? And vice versa, if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 10:28 PM
5

12 months of dating before deciding on engagement isn’t crazy once you are out of college age. Your time is precious. Don’t waste more than a year on a dead end.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/08/21 12:17 AM
1

I’m sorry. It’s very frustrating to think the world of a parent and they don’t have the basic respect to acknowledge your existence in return. People are going to judge you for going no contact. Ignore them and you are not obligated to explain why you aren’t talking. Just say a variation of “it’s been a while, we don’t talk often, it’s complicated and I’m not going into it” Because its never a snap decision to cut off a parent. It’s a mountain of little things and you decided that this thing was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:13 AM
8

Yes. I learned that It’s not my dads wife’s fault he cut his whole family off. She gave the ultimatum (family or her) but he made the choice to pick her over his family. It’s a hard realization but it’s helping me see who actually has responsibility in the situation. FDS also helps me deal with my brother. If he starts insulting me in conversation, I hang up. After a few times of doing this, he stopped insulting me (not completely, it stopped at typical sibling level rather than verbal abuse) an…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 03:04 AM
29

Yup. This is why abstinence is not as bad as it sounded in high school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:53 AM
14

I feel like it would have to be his conscious choice to stop engaging in hook up/fuckboi culture. He’d have to delete all the apps, possibly social media, be celibate, and be in therapy for at least 6 months. That’s a hard lifestyle change to make from instant gratification everywhere to completely single with no distractions. That said I know a lot of guys who dated around, had fun, just did not care who they were with as long as they weren’t single, until they got to a point where they were ti…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:48 AM
3

That is also plausible. Point is, if some one is minding there own business, leave them be!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/08/21 03:51 PM
28

I get your point. You wanted to keep the fun going because your (temp) tattoos were pretty and gave you joy. Random strangers gave you creepy looks and sucked the fun out of it. Women should be able to do fun stuff with out men unnecessarily sexualizing it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:29 PM
60

Random people/men in parking lots get mad when I don’t say hi back. Am I being rude? Maybe but that’s a complete stranger trying to talk to me. They could be Mr Rogers or they could be Jeff Dahmer. My safety is more important than other people’s feelings. Also, decent people don’t get upset about boundaries because they take steps not to violate them in the first place.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:21 PM
16

Lori Alexander is a nut and a bad example of a Christian woman. She’s the one who wrote that men prefer debt free tattoo free virgins. I am active in my religious community and thankfully women like her are not the norm. But as a woman with 2 degrees and a full time job who is also married I feel obligated to encourage teens and younger women to stay in school and finish your degrees. God does not promise you a husband if you do everything right. Also you won’t find one by staying at home and wa…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:16 PM
42

Good! For! You!!!!!! For standing up for yourself and leaving. It will suck for a bit but you dodged a bullet and will be happier in the long run!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/08/21 07:08 PM
1

Ugh. My DH loves sharing his whole life story and small talking with Uber to the Walmart cashier. I say have a nice day, talk about the weather, that’s it. We had to have several conversations about how that’s a safety issue for me as a woman and the whole world doesn’t need to know our itinerary. This is coming from the same person who wants to have a $500 camera system at home!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:35 AM
63

If he wanted to he would Don’t be anyone’s free therapy You are worth and deserve more than a free date There are no petty reasons to break up Block and delete!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/21 05:30 AM
14

I agree! Saying “I’m not answering that, that’s too personal, that’s none of your business, etc.” is not a lie, that’s a boundary. You have to be able to vet a guy as safe to know things first before disclosing. There are some thing he needs to know if y’all are at the point of considering marriage, but those aren’t things he needs to know or be asking about on date 1.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/08/21 02:18 PM
22

❤️❤️❤️ this is my husband with our cat. I love (gently) reminding him that he used to be against getting a pet when he’s doing baby talk at our cat lol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 07:42 PM
11

Sometimes the pill causes more mood swings :/ I went on for a few months and then went off. My mood swings are at least predictable when I am off the pill.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:35 PM
47

This was one of the best things about WFH. The ability to wear pjs, my heating pad, and be off camera while on my period instead of having to put clothes on and suffer thru the work day.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:33 PM
20

OP, same. I have 2 days of about 50 knives stabbing at my uterus, headache, exhaustion, period poops, and mood swings that I’m miserable with w/o Tylenol, heating pad, and twizzlers. While we were dating, my future husband randomly called me from CVS because he was in the pad aisle and he wanted to know my brands so he could save them in his phone if I ever had an emergency and he needed to get supplies. We’ve been married 2 years, he still has that note saved, and he goes out of his way to get …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/21 01:32 PM
17

OP, your boyfriend seems to be raising a lot of red flags. I know you are wanting advice on being a SAHM, but per your comments; you already live with him, he wouldn’t support you staying home with a child, and I’ve not seen any comments about him showing you any sign of permanent commitment. We on the comments only see what you are saying about him, and it’s really not sounding good.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:16 PM
18

If you are a SAHM, volunteer in the community/with kids school. It’s keeps you active, in the community, gets you friends and support, and will prevent resume gaps.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 09:10 PM
4

Right now, we don’t have kids and we are both focusing on our careers. I’m in a job I can come back into in a few years but it’s not something I want to do full time while raising kids. I’ve had a life goal since high school of being a SAHM because that is what I wanted for my kids. I vetted my dating choices accordingly to find someone who shared that view who was also going to step up and be a provider. I don’t want to work in an office all the time, I want to be with my family. What I gain is…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 07:11 PM
9

My husband and I have planned on my SAHMing until future kids are in middle school. Child care costs are ridiculous and it’s easier to have a dedicated person who can handle 75% of doctor appts/school appts/extracurriculars/sick kids/PTA with out having to accommodate working full time. My husband has a higher income and will actually provide. Both of us grew up with SAHM and working dads. I want to be there full time for my kids. Right now, DH and I are focusing on paying off student loans, sav…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 04:20 PM
12

I think she needs to move away from her ex and her new man does not sound like an improvement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/21 10:43 PM
7

LOOOOL this is great but y’all my (male) cat wasn’t picky at all. He sat straight on my lap the moment I sat down at the shelter. Now he just whines for food, treats, playtime, but he makes it up by providing serotonin as he is an excellent cuddler. But he bugs my husband more for treats because he will give in faster. I think female cats are pickier XD (I love my baby boy tho, he is the best cat)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 03:33 PM
149

Do not give in to sunk cost fallacy! No break up reason is petty when the long term goal is a supportive partnership.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 03:26 PM
19

Yes. My dad let his new wife push him away and disown his whole family. I haven’t talked to him in almost a decade. My extended family has tried reaching out and it cycles between talking and the wife getting offended and blocking everyone again. I have not had time for their drama but it’s sucks. My parents divorced because my mother would not get mental health treatment and she left, then 3 years later, my dad cuts off me and my brother and his whole family. I’ve essentially lost both parents.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/21 01:06 AM
20

Ewww she’s a literal child. Where are her parents? The friends telling her nah sis? And this guy! What are his parents and his friends saying? She’s old enough to be his child he had with his college GF that he strung along for 10 years while building his career only to drop GF and marry his Uber eats driver!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/08/21 10:33 PM
21

My husband and I realized recently we literally only call each other our pet names. he actually gets weirded out when I say his full name because he always goes by a nickname lol [fake example: name is Jeremiah, everyone calls him Jerry, and I call him honey/ or dude have you seen my keys?] However, he has my birthday memorized and saved on his phone and he never has to ask my for my full name for forms, because as an adult human and good partner, he memorized it. When you are married, you have …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 06:30 AM
1

Ummmmm … does she not realize that most women are socialized to be the family manager and that if she can’t get along with her DIL, DIL may not let her be around the grandkids? This kind of crap gets MILS put on JNMIL.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:48 PM
4

Hey look it’s me! I’m real bad about not wanting a snack until my husband sits down with his and vice versa. This is why we both get enough snack for two!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/21 01:42 PM
21

This! Female roommates are the easiest solution.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 11:23 PM
10

This idea caused me so much unnecessary stress from middle school to college. It felt very performative and IME no amount of make up and nice outfits ever got me a date. The men who asked me out were people who had known me for a while and had seen me in “exam week pjs” to “Sunday best”. If looks were a factor, it wasn’t the deciding one. I finally got over it around my mid 20s and just dressed for my fun and comfort and that helped build up my confidence and helped me own my look more than anyt…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/08/21 12:54 PM
1

Yes, that is weird. Winky faces typically indicate flirting. Also, if you think it’s wierd and you don’t like it, you have the freedom to cut the interaction short at any time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 01:54 PM
15

I’m surprised she didn’t sue sooner. She spent over a decade being arm candy for a bunch of male egos and her character only got her own movie after her in universe death. Ridiculous!!! I have my own rant on how they totally could have worked a successful black widow trilogy but nooooo women don’t sell successful superhero movies.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/21 01:34 PM
5

I am here for this!!! Pandemic made me want to get back into my old YA lit. I literally did not realize how bad parts of these books were. But that’s the whole thing, indoctrinating teens into glamorizing abusive relationships thru advertising abs hot actors!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/07/21 09:22 PM
43

I like hiking, antiquing, flea markets, food tours, museums, art fairs, activity classes. Dinner is a good starter date. Do a couple to make sure he can make conversation and during those dinner dates list 2-3 of activities you like. If he takes the hint and plans an awesome date, you are golden!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:22 PM
31

Friend, stop engaging with him. Tell him to leave if he comes up to you in public, block his number, unfriend him and tell your friends and family you aren’t going to associate with him. He thinks he has an in because, even tho you are calling him out, you are still engaging with him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:19 PM
7

PREACH!!! Also your edits sent me XD Also add if he constantly speeds when driving and refuses to use turn signals will indicate a refusal to foreplay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:16 PM
7

Sugar addiction is a whole other post on its own, and please do make one, it’s a needed conversation. For the purposes of OP’s post, it’s primarily discussing weed use and it’s affects, and that is where I am focusing my comments.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:04 PM
15

Not a doctor but I work in social services. Weed is a drug. It affects the brain and makes people stupid and yes it’s an addictive substance. I’ll bite that CBD oil may have some benefits for treating seizures and palliative pain relief but i am also tired of the pro weed crowd going on about the fun and refusing to see the short and long term risks. People get hooked as teens and it fries their brains it’s so sad!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 05:01 AM
2

I was in a funk for several months after being dumped by an LV. What eventually helped was Focusing on myself. I did home spa days and redecorated my place. I also changed my wardrobe to things that I thought were pretty and comfortable but not focused on the male gaze. I also got more engaged in my hobbies and maintaining my friendships. It took a while, but eventually I felt better and had the confidence to start doing the things that I wanted, not the things that would help me get a relations…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:55 AM
35

Smoking A LOT of weed can lead to psychotic episodes. It is definitely not as benign as people like to say. It’s a mind altering substance!!! It’s not like a cup of Chamomile tea, it literally changes your brain chemistry with long term use and it stays in your system for months!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:46 AM
13

Drug abuse, nicotine use, weed use, and alcoholism should always be hard no’s. If a man has an addiction, that will take priority over the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:42 AM
33

Cat ladies are awesome! All your points are valid. I have also converted my husband to a cat person. To the point where the cat chooses to sit on husbands face in the morning!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 04:34 AM
3

Exactly!!! And people need to stop romanticizing the marriage struggle. It doesn’t have to be if you keep high standards and refuse to settle!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 12:45 AM
15

For me it was when I realized that marriage isn’t a struggle when you are with someone that treats you like an equal while also being an active provider. I saw a lot of posts of women going “marriage is sooo hard and you have to fight and struggle buts it’s worth it” and I was like “are we weird? We don’t argue often, we have discussions, we compromise, and we both put effort into showing our appreciation of us.” My marriage isn’t weird, people around me just normalized that marriage has to be a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 05:06 PM
4

The amount of emojis and :)s in those post is usually equal to the amount of red flags in the relationship.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 02:12 PM
32

People make jokes to see what people will tolerate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 03:50 PM
20

Teach her she can say no. At any time. Doesn’t matter if they paid for a $5 pizza or a $3000 ring. She can say no, at any point she feels uncomfortable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 02:40 AM
6

Glasses are great! All the better to see thru LV crap!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 12:58 AM
7

I’ve been wearing glasses since 3rd grade. Went thru a contact phase in middle and high school. Stopped wearing them once I had to pay for insurance. They are a part of my look and my mannerisms. It was still a hard decision to wear them on my wedding day, and I wish it was more normalized for women to wear their normal glasses on special events. I’m glad I did, I looked like myself and I wasn’t squinting!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 12:56 AM
22

Do not hang around for some who has the audacity to take your free time with out asking!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/07/21 12:49 AM
4

Any time people complain that today’s generation doesn’t care about the sanctity of marriage, I either leave the room or I start my rant on -women couldn’t get bank accounts with out dad or husbands permission until the 1960s in the US -spousal rape wasn’t made a crime until the 90s in the US -child marriage is still legal in the US.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 04:44 PM
1

This was just my preference, but I did not want to ever date/marry a preacher/preacher in training; because I did not want to be a preachers wife. Which would entail a lot of emotional labor, always being available to other, ridiculous standards to live up to, church would have been priority over marriage, always having to share husband with congregation; to say nothing if being dependent on said congregation for income. I married a man who shares my faith, but he has a “secular” job (I also wor…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 02:29 PM
4

Good character development, still attempted murder!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 02:10 PM
95

Red flags: number one, he makes you uncomfortable. He is overly friendly, repeatedly offers unsolicited help, he monitors who you have over and when, he asks personal questions, he asked for your number, and he (a stranger) asked you to his teenagers party (teen is not going to want random neighbor there!!!). Your instincts are right. Up your home security, make sure your locks work, put curtains in your windows, lock the Windows. Make friends with other female neighbors, see if he has been cree…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 05:27 AM
31

I did not live with my husband before marriage. After we dated for a while, he gave me a key to his place (I did not give him a key to mine). I found appropriate times to come over unannounced “here is the important thing you left at my place, can I use restroom since I am here?” or I came over earlier than planned “ugh they were doing construction above me, so I came over an hour early”. Don’t drop in all the time, that’s rude, but do either at least once a month. A well kept apt takes at max a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/07/21 03:41 PM
7

Good analysis OP! Poor boundaries and enmeshment are the most important red flag. If you see this, and you see him accepting and encouraging poor boundaries; leave!!! I made this comment on another post, and am copying here: “In laws are one of the factors that will make or break your relationship. If your are future planning, talk about whether either of you are responsible for caring for aging parents and what that looks like. Do you want to live near parents? What would that look like? what a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:59 PM
55

This is something to be done with caution, in public, and not one on one if this is some one you do not know well and are still vetting. If it’s a joke about your boundaries, rape/abuse, blatant sexism/misogyny; straight up leave then block. Joking is disguised boundary testing to see what you will tolerate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 07:06 PM
20

This advice needs to be higher. No co-signs or large purchases if you aren’t married to them. Don’t even do it if you are engaged and getting married the day after signing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/07/21 06:56 PM
9

Exactly. I have had to cut contact with family over that. Christmas post cards are not worth constant toxicity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 09:52 PM
20

Good grief, what a ride!!! Yes, when you marry a man you also marry his family! Don’t forget to vet the in-laws!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 09:37 PM
197

In laws are one of the factors that will make or break your relationship. If your are future planning, talk about whether either of you are responsible for caring for aging parents and what that looks like. Do you want to live near parents? What would that look like? what are both of your expectations for contact with parents? What are your expectations for how they will be grandparents (if kids are in the future)? What are yours and his parents expectations of the above questions and how will y…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/21 04:13 PM
26

Support systems are key to avoiding and getting out of bad relationships. You need friends who tell you it’s a bad idea abs friend who can show up in 10 minutes with a moving truck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:22 PM
3

The amount of emojis x 2 is the amount of red flags in this post.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/21 04:19 PM
2

What ever you run for, I will vote!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 04:48 PM
5

That is something that FDS advocates. Vet vet vet, and no spousal/family benefits while dating. How long have you been together? Has he talked to you about being long term?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 04:40 PM
10

Write them about to your self and write down why it’s a boundary. Non dating example: with certain family members, I hang up the phone if they try to start a fight. Why? I will not engage, it’s not productive, and it’s for my mental health. And I repeat that to myself when I see the situation start and when I end it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 04:32 PM
2

They had me until the last line, I would frame this!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/07/21 01:24 AM
6

I love your take on this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 04:35 AM
6

I made a conscious decision to let go of the hurt and bitterness from people who hurt me, but I am still maintaining no contact because those people have made no effort to change, apologize or acknowledge they did something wrong. You do not have to forgive or allow people back in your life. What is better to to refuse them rent free space in your head. You have better things to occupy your time,
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 04:33 AM
26

Welcome!!! We are here to support you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 04:26 AM
1

Lingerie is not an acceptable gift at any part in the dating stage. If you are long term or married, he should take into account what YOU like for intimate apparel not just solely what he wants to see. Definite no Victoria’s Secret crap!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/07/21 04:21 AM
34

One of mine was “Are you into any sports?” I’m not into sports, at all. Any guy who went on and on about them was a hard pass.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:57 PM
8

Also a great way to vet; if pets are a dealbreaker for them you know right away!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:57 PM
4

That’s hilarious and a great question.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/07/21 12:55 PM
8

Her parents are right. Also, I smell an age gap. Income gaps are red flags when 50/50 is insisted instead of equity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 04:39 PM
23

Don’t put in effort that is not reciprocated!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/07/21 04:35 PM
49

What she does is run. It’s sad that we have gotten to the point of men’s violent fetish’s being a “oh I don’t know maybe we can communicate!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/21 01:39 PM
28

People need to stop looking to Hollywood to set relationship standards. It’s creepy, never works out, and the therapy bills aren’t worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 11:43 PM
6

👏👏👏👏👏 I wish I had had this mentality in my early 20s!!!! You go sis!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 11:39 PM
5

It’s a combo of alcohol, smoking, poor diet, no exercise; overall sedentary lifestyle. Oooooor he’s lying about his age. Some other user poster a tip here about asking to see a guys license on first date; 1 to verify age and 2 verify he’s legally able to drive. Great tip for this also!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/21 11:37 PM
3

LOOOL I love that you have a sense of humor over this!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 09:16 PM
16

Yes. If he doesn’t ask, it’s not a date. Don’t get sucked in by his poor social skills!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 09:14 PM
68

Hang out = situationship. Never again!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 05:26 PM
2

The comment I responded to had a good point about how there are some barriers that hard work will not overcome, at the expense of your physical/mental health. In my case, I wish I had hustled less and taken time to recover from my trauma. The lesson I learned was don’t judge people for having to take a different path.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 02:41 PM
15

My husband was in my friend group for a few years. We were both in other relationships, then I moved, both those relationships ended, I went back a year later to visit friends, he came by because I was in town and we started talking. Because we were friends first, their wasn’t any us trying to impress each other. There was a lot of roasting each other for acting like a fool in previous relationships. We share the same faith and both made it clear we were at a point where marriage was endgame. We…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 01:35 PM
271

OMG doesn’t hump mascots sent me, but that’s so true. I didn’t want to add “must actually verbalize “will you go out with me”” to my list but lesson learned, standards raised, trash is on the curb, life improved from there. Also there is a lesson that basic decency is not a high standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 01:24 PM
29

Good for her!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/21 01:18 PM
10

You are so right!!!! Ignorance is a short term benefit and growth is a result of facing the consequences of your actions, good or bad.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 02:17 PM
12

You have some good points. I know a lot of women who got married early and had families because they genuinely wanted them and then they realized they wanted to have an identity outside of mom and wife. Of course, it’s hard to level up from that, if you don’t have a degree and years of work experience and they are now learning from hindsight. The best way to help these women is to support them. By support I mean, help with researching college, networking, helping with childcare; not going you sh…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:26 PM
13

This. I wish I had learned this before pushing thru my masters. I had current events in my life and trauma coming to a head during grad school and I wish I had stopped, paused, and addressed my mental health instead of pushing thru. Would it have delayed my career? Yes! Would I be in a better headspace to handle said career? Also yes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:16 PM
3

Cats are the best. I tell mine he is the most handsome boy and he gives the best snuggles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:12 PM
8

Self sabotage is hard. I believe I can’t do things and then I set myself up for failure. I can do the things, I just need to be my own cheerleader and ask for help!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:10 PM
19

That is an excellent point OP! I struggle with your last point, it’s hard to learn that people decide to stay ignorant because it benefits them :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:06 PM
7

This has got to be a fake for rage karma. He sounds like a sociopath. She sounds like she is sure he will pay for everything once they get married. Sis, he does not like you!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/06/21 01:04 PM
17

I distrust people who hate/mistreat animals. If they hurt the small creature who is dependent on them for care, it’s not a stretch that attitude extends toward humans. I also don’t trust people my pets don’t like. A green flag is a man going out of his way to befriend your animal they way your animal is comfortable with. If he lets your pet come to him when they are comfortable, learns how to care for them, and is actively concerned for your pets welfare, it’s a very green flag. Case in point, m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/21 10:22 PM
2

7 principles of making your marriage work (by The Drs Gottman) is a GREAT book to learn about healthily communication and building a healthy marriage. It covers the 4 horseman and so much more, highly recommended book!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/21 10:26 PM
6

GO BRITNEY!!!! It’s ridiculous. If she were actually disabled and needing conservatorship, she would not be able to put out albums and perform. It’s disgusting.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/21 01:50 PM
4

Weighted blankets and pillows are AMAZING
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:27 AM
5

Get into your hobbies, spend time with your female friends, exercise, basically things that boost your endorphins and keep you busy! Make your life full and interesting and you won’t feel (as much of) a need to seek out male attention!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:26 AM
4

I was literally about to comment this. Don’t mistake adrenaline rush for attraction!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:20 AM
31

Eye contact and making conversation are great starting points. If he is interested, he will be up front and ask you out, none of this “talking and hanging out” for 3 months.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:19 AM
9

It is not worth it being friends with exes! Mines oblivious AF and kept trying to make freaking conversation with me when ever I was in town. I’m like dude. You broke up with me. Go away!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/06/21 04:16 AM
10

This is a great vetting strategy! See also how they handle a traffic jam screwing up plans!!! Does he get super angry? Does he calm himself and say “we are okay I hope the other people are okay, we still still have a good night!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/21 03:18 PM
-30

I value honesty in relationships. If I feel the need to lie to a guy to see his reaction, he is not the one and I am out. I would rather be single than to have to test and test and test.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 11:14 PM
-18

The problem is if later on, if this guy stick around, you have told him several lies as a test. Most people don’t like being lied to. Vetting should be done naturally, not thru overly set up situations based on lies that you have to keep track of later. I’m not a fan of this approach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/21 10:38 PM
3

Same!!! I like my home to look lived in but trash and dirty dishes got to goooo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:51 PM
1

LOL I feel called out!!! I keep my kitchen clean and the rest is organized chaos which drives my neat freak husband nuts!!! You bring up a good point, letting people know up front you will not clean up after them. but also with vetting, you need to find someone who’s mess and clean levels are something you can live and compromise with!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/06/21 05:49 PM
20

I would not have dated my ex. I would have intentionally focused on my female friendships instead of moping about wondering why no one would date me. I would start therapy years earlier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:33 PM
27

That’s horrifying news. I feel for Billie. She’s very creative and it was refreshing when she started out to see her refusing to be sexualized. But now that she’s 18, that can’t be “her thing” culture is pressuring her to become their idea of woman and fit impossible standards to be relevant. When ever I have the chance I tell teens that age gaps are bad, they are preying on your youth, stick to your age group until you are able to support yourself. Is that counter culture? Yes! Will it save you…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/06/21 04:30 PM
8

Yeah. My first experience was ongoing sexual harassment from age 12 to age 14. I didn’t intentionally try for relationships until I was out of high school.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 01:05 PM
6

I did not go on a date EVER until my senior year of college (age 22). Never got asked to dances or hang out in high school. I did get asked “if I would date them” (which is different from getting asked on a date) which if a boy has to ask that, the answer is no. I didn’t get pressure from family or friends to date; but you feel pressure when you go to a Christian university with “ring by spring”, 15 girls getting engaged in one week, and allllll the adults talking about how they met “the one” th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/06/21 12:56 PM
11

The way out thru your ex is still not a good way. Do you have family or friends that can help? Have you looked up women’s shelters?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 10:40 PM
21

Are you okay? Your husband told a NURSE during your c-section that you were lying about an allergy???!!! You are giving birth to his child and he is not respecting your actual health issues???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 09:17 PM
12

Those posts are so frustrating! My husband is allergic to a super common ingredient. I check all food, medication, and restaurant items that I bring home to make sure it’s safe to eat, because anaphylaxis is not funny or something to test!!! I removed his allegory from my diet also, so I don’t give him a reaction from close contact! If your date/partner refuses to respect allergies, intolerance, vegetarian diet or even just foods you hate; drop them! That is fundamental disrespect and it will ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/21 09:13 PM
3

Lol thanks.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 01:37 PM
21

I’m terrible at relationship advice. It’s variations on “dump him and go to therapy”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 06:23 AM
43

You got this!!! We are all cheering you on!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:58 PM
3

It can also depend on whether or not the issue actually gets taken to court. If the ring is not at least $1000, it’s nothing worth going to court over. Filing and attorney fees would eat up any value returned.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:56 PM
8

IANAL but I think the general rule is if the man breaks off the engagement, the woman keeps the ring. If the woman breaks it off, it may be a grey area. My interpretation is the engagement ring is a gift, and it’s the woman’s choice on whether or not to give it back if she breaks it off.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/06/21 11:48 PM
86

This is why I get frustrated with church; when the (male) teachers go on about how a gentle and submissive spirit will bring a husband out of sinning. NOT!!! What will bring him out is HIM deciding to act right regardless of how submissive his wife is!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 02:57 PM
1

Love me Brendan in George and the Mummy!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:47 AM
8

The fact that you communicated how you wanted to be talked about AND HE LISTENED is KEY!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:43 AM
3

I am married for a couple years. I typically wear what ever I want, usually leggings (which he likes) and a tshirt. He doesn’t complain except when I’ve been wearing the same pair for a week (he does the laundry). I do wear things he likes but I do not feel pressured. He has no complaints about me never wearing bras at home and he wears sleeveless shirts because he knows I have a thing for shoulders. We both take care not to wear raggedy clothing as a preference. He knows when I’m on my period b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:41 AM
16

I did not need hot coffee out my nose but thank you 😂😂😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 04:25 AM
1

This!!! Don’t waste your time. If you can’t trust him, try to assess why. If his actions aren’t matching his words, leave!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 03:16 AM
1

Thank you! If you can’t trust him, he is either untrustworthy or you are needing to be single and working on yourself; either way he is not the one!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/21 12:31 AM
3

This! With close friends and immediate family, we usually text at least once a day, but we all know each other’s schedules abs expect delays in response time
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 12:20 PM
15

You don’t even have to do this on purpose. You can have a work shift, projects, errands, getting over a cold, etc. there are plenty of normal reasons not to text someone for 8 hours. If he immediately freaks when you don’t respond, something is not right with him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:44 AM
5

This!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:41 AM
3

Yep. Dated my ex for a whole year, he never truly publicly acknowledged we were dating. Our friends and family knew, and I posted on social media, but he didn’t do anything. Now once he broke up with me and promoted his side piece, he was all over social media with her. Several people have already commented that their husbands knew right away and this was also the case with my now husband. He wanted to propose much earlier than I was comfortable with however he respected my boundary and waited u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:41 AM
25

If you have to think about and create a complicated plan of how to go thru his phone with out him noticing, he is not inspiring trust and he is not the one. Leave and move on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/21 05:36 AM
17

There’s a difference between you and your partner being able to safely bring up issues and address them in a healthy manner versus they are refusing to change after you directly communicate the issue. If you find yourself on relationships or JustNoSO, it’s time to leave.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/21 03:24 PM
2

I knew he was going to propose and we had already hammered out our life details and determined we were it. I designed my ring: sturdy, but sparkly. Its the most expensive jewelry I own , but it was not over $500. Pricing wasn’t important because we both wanted a fun honey moon and to save money for the future. I know he’s upgrading it for a future anniversary. Anyway, I designed it, he paid for it and he went all out on a meaningful and amazing proposal. Marriage should not be a surprise but the…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/21 04:03 AM
18

This! I’m married and I still engage here, and I’m still learning!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/05/21 02:35 AM
6

Biked 2 miles. in 30 degree weather. At night....to see an EX that was in town for a conference. I maintain this was the dumbest and lowest I have gone in life. Never again!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/05/21 05:21 AM
1

I took it because tradition and I was tired of my LV dads last name. Looking back I wish I had kept my maiden name, so I can use it at work and just go my my husbands name socially. Having to do 10 sets of paperwork to change everything was annoying!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/05/21 03:35 AM
46

DO NOT EVER SEND NUDES. Once you hit send, you loose all control over what happens to them. NEVER EVER EVER EVER
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/04/21 09:44 PM
2

If he adds no value or support to your life, he is a USELESS POTATO!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 11:58 PM
2

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!! Go to school, be an art therapist, DROP THE USELESS POTATO, and goooooooooo! You got this you got this you got this!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/21 10:27 PM
8

Friend, DO NOT BUY PROPERTY WITH HIM IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED. He sounds entitled and not respectful of your investment. Step back and rethink if this is a man you want to actually be with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 05:07 PM
6

I highly recommend this book. It tells you what to watch for, what to avoid, and how. If you have lost your ability to trust your intuition around sketchy situations, this book lays out exactly what they are and validates and encourages trusting your gut. No more being nice to creeps!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/21 01:55 AM
5

Good 👏 for 👏 you👏👏👏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:22 PM
9

Moisturizer, sunscreen, exercise, and vitamins!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:21 PM
11

THIS THIS THIS. No moving in with men unless you have vetted them and they have committed to you, preferably by engagement!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:19 PM
6

This this this! I used to be so upset that no boys like me or asked me out during high school and early college.little did I know that was life’s way of protecting me from dumb life choices! I was FREE to study what I wanted, work the jobs I wanted, wear what I wanted, and move where I wanted!!! I almost didn’t go to grad school so I could stay at the same place with my (now ex) LV boyfriend my senior year of college. I decided that if that relationship was meant to be, it would survive long dis…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/21 06:18 PM
5

Yes!!!! Phones can get hacked and to any teens listening, sending, asking; a d receiving nude photos of your peers counts as possessing child pornography. You can end up with FELONY charges. DO NOT SENT NUDES!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/04/21 01:34 AM
6

This is something to ver for. If you want no children and want your tubes tied, any man you want to see a future with has to be on the same page. If he isn’t, or seems like he is playing along; drop him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 11:53 PM
12

I’m in this picture and I don’t like it 😅😅😅
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 11:46 PM
11

My now husband drove 500 miles to ask me out in person rather than over the phone. Effort matters!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 11:45 PM
3

I’m about ready to say teens do not need to be on social media, especially Snapchat and tik tok. Pictures are forever on the internet and they do it under stand the future ramifications of what they post!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:53 AM
9

I am so proud of you!!! You are free to start your own life!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:49 AM
7

OP of this post. Leeeeeeave! He is trash! You deserve someone who only wants you! A faithful man does not have a same bed sleep over with another woman!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:48 AM
14

This is a more informative post than most health classes or doctor visits. They never tell you the scary parts of reproduction. This doesn’t even go into how your support system can make it break you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/21 04:44 AM
6

“There’s no reason to treat someone who cares about you like shit unless you’re just a shitty person overall” That is the tea and some scones along with it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 11:50 PM
12

That was my comment! If he’s a good father, then he can figure out how to be a good husband. Part of being a good parent is showing your children how to treat and what to expect from your partner!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 11:38 PM
32

I hear this in regards to parenting also. Like “he was a crap husband but he’s a good dad because he plays with them!”. Your sons will model how they parent and treat their wives off how they see their dad treat them and you. Your daughters will model how they parent and accept treatment from their husbands off on how they see mom respond to dad. To quote AOC, Do better and do not raise your children to accept abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 07:23 PM
12

This is an amazing post and very true! Mental health should also be a priority. You also have to set the boundary with anyone you date that they need to respect your need to attend therapy, take your meds, and also adhere to the routines you have to maintain your health. If you need 8 hours of sleep and a strict bedtime, they need to respect that and not text you at 2 am.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/03/21 07:17 PM
3

Are you able to leave? Communication is great but if they won’t listen, the best thing would be to get out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/03/21 01:23 PM
8

Exactly!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:14 PM
8

I have severe baby face and am quite short. I only stopped getting carded for cold meds last year and I’m 27. I got treated like I was invisible or that it was cute I was trying to sound grown up >:(
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:10 PM
42

“My choice not to marry a man who’s religion is incompatible with mine” YES THIS YES!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:06 PM
71

“Do not be unequally yoked”. Religion influences all of your life, from dress, raising a family, your community, and most importantly, the acceptable circumstances of leaving a marriage. As a Christian who has seen mixed faith and faith/atheist marriages; DO NOT get into a relationship with someone of a different faith. Stick with in your set of beliefs. It is completely okay to have religion as a dealbreaker. Some one will always have to budge and it’s not pretty. And especially do not date som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 11:04 PM
48

I am so sorry you went thru that! High school boys are the WORST and so many men never mature past that. Popularity makes people think likes make them impervious to consequences. I’m still processing a whole years worth of sexual harassment and bullying I faced in middle school and it definitely stunted my social and emotional development because I couldn’t trust if people liked me or if they were making fun. The Sexual harassment turned me off dating for about 6 years after that. I felt so viol…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 10:54 PM
12

When I started dating my now husband, I didn’t explicitly say that we were saving it per marriage but I didn’t go out of my way to correct peoples assumptions of what we were/weren’t doing. I didn’t want my college social group to think I was a stick in the mud but at the same time I was also dealing with purity culture from my church family. it’s also a leftover from high school culture of “everyone’s doing it, you’ll be left alone!!!”. It’s a damned if you do it, damned if you don’t situation …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 10:47 PM
12

Older men date younger women because they don’t know enough to call them out on their crap.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 10:36 PM
12

It’s both. The man did not walk into a Starbucks to do this. He wanted to hire women, because it’s women’s fault that he has a sex addiction, and Asian women because that was his porn preference. U/tallwomenneedlovetoo made a great comment elsewhere on this post about racism and misogyny are intertwined for women of color.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 09:03 PM
8

This is very true. I live in that metro area; it’s very diverse. The shooter past allll these other businesses and specifically chose Asian owned massage parlors and specifically went after the women who worked there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 08:54 PM
5

All clothing would have substantial pockets and be made of sturdy, warm, durable material that would last. Fast fashion would bot be a thing. All shoes would be sturdy, practical, and comfy. AC in businesses would not be set to freezing. Bathroom stall doors would go to the floor and there would be shelves and hooks for bags and there would always be a trash can in the stalls. Cities would be walkable and public transit would be a thing. Children would grow up in a community instead of in isolat…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 08:46 PM
141

I read that and I was infuriated. Marriage is not 50/50, it is pooling your resources as a team so you both can lift each other up. I am so tired of hearing about selfish people refusing to provide for their WIFE and CHILDREN unless it’s court ordered alimony and child support!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/21 03:47 PM
2

Lawyers ask some very dumb questions for having gone to law school!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 11:01 PM
2

I do CPS cases, not family/divorce court. But dad would have to show proof of behavior change to the court. What’s he been doing for 2-3 years that shows he can be a competent parent? He would need to show that he’s taken anger management, gone to counseling, gone to 12 step meetings, etc. and also that he himself (not his new girlfriend) can provide 100% of the care for the kids if he wants them full time. That means doctor visits, getting to school, parent teacher conferences, little league pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 10:33 PM
3

If mom is actively wanting help and wanting to GTFO, we help with anything we can. from getting them into shelters or a hotel, getting restraining orders, getting mom counseling, kids counseling, helping the family move to a different county or out of state, helping mom get a job and daycare, and we also put no contact orders in the court order for the CPS case if we have court involvement. I will call the police and be with mom as back up in person to get him out of the home. Basically, if some…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 05:41 PM
17

Yes! I work in child welfare, and it is so hard to get this thru moms heads: you cannot have both your abusive man and your children at the same time. It is him or your children. And sadly the children know when mom chooses dad/boyfriend over them. And most importantly, children emulate what they see as normal growing up. If sally sees mom accepting abuse, sally will stay with her boyfriend after he starts hitting her. If Johnny sees dad ordering mom around while being waited on, Johnny will pic…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/03/21 12:51 AM
21

I went to a ring by spring school and it’s been 4 years since graduation. I have seen an unfortunate trend of people who got married senior year who are now divorcing because they got married too young and before they saw how their now ex spouse handles life when it’s not in a college structure :/ I got married at 26 (husband 27) after we were done with school, lived independently, had been working full time and made sure our life goals matched. Did I feel like I got left behind while everyone e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 06:30 PM
19

My husband was reading about mic cage getting remarried “and his reaction was his most recent wife is younger than his oldest child...EW!”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/03/21 02:13 AM
14

She’s been engaged for 2 years and she split the cost of her ring? That is very modest and they got used? This guy is not wanting marriage, he’s wanting the benefits and 50/50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/03/21 05:47 AM
43

This is a hand book post. Adding on no moving in until engagement/marriage. Get on the same page about finances, children, religion, future, and sex before engagement. Those first few years of marriage are to build your partnership, finances, and stability so you can support a family. So you have that camaraderie and good will during the 2 years it takes baby to sleep thru the night. Also, sadly you still need the vetting time. Too many couples have children before they should and a seeming HV m…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/21 03:08 AM
10

Ruuuuuuuuun! First thing, no moving in with boyfriend without commitment!!! Second, OP not wanting to live with BF’s mom is valid. BF wanting to provide for his mom is valid. She offered (free of cost 🤡)to BF to put mom up else where, he refused to compromise, that’s a dealbreaker right there. She needs to drop this relationship and set her standards higher.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/21 02:16 AM
9

RBG was a true Queen. I’m in agreement with all who are in favor of castration for a punishment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 06:47 PM
104

See this would be funny, if he followed up with “hey a brought a copy of the DVD, things for dinner that I will cook for you, candy, and a personalized sentimental gift”. Going over with just the flowers would be making fun. Ugh. Dude, the movie is 2 hours of your time in exchange for a very low maintenance date. Grow up!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/21 01:58 PM
7

I had sadly had experience with these women in the church. They really do not like people who actually follow the Bible (treat people as you want to be treated) and/those who refuse to conform to the Sunday dress, pearls, bless your heart, women must keep sweet while men do business mentality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 02:28 AM
2

I ain’t mad, because that is an unfortunate truth :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 01:35 AM
10

This. Some people cannot leave because they have been socially isolated, financially controlled, and psychologically abused. Those people need help getting out. Some women are the breadwinner and are guilted into staying because they don’t want to leave their unemployed man homeless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:58 AM
51

“Mean girl” best encapsulates this. Think they are better, and put people down because they need to feel superior. Girl because they never matured past that high school mentality of I have to be mean to feel cool.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/02/21 12:54 AM
3

I’ve never seen a more ridiculous way to con people out of $2 extra. If it helps a guy actually clean up after himself okay, but The unscented brand is less than $5 for a 3 pack.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 03:03 PM
3

That’s a perfect addition to my earlier statement! I was worried with comments earlier, people were complimenting her perfect clap back rather than calling out how creepy and narcissistic she sounds.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/02/21 01:37 AM
2

I’m so proud of you!!! Now go treat yourself!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 06:52 PM
206

Why is she pointing out the and ex had an age gap and she found him with an equally young coworker? Something just sounds off. Actual queen energy would have been calling it off when he first started being shifty and moving on, rather than this dramatic showing up, and walking out in her stilettos and then proceeding to air it on social media. High value women don’t post drama for likes!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 05:39 PM
16

Strategic incompetence. He knows better, he just wants to get out of pulling his weight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/02/21 05:06 PM
120

So 28000 with kids, plus the 60000 for teaching and the 54000 for therapy comes out to 142000 in unpaid labor for just one woman in a relationship. Cool. Do not do wife/mom shit for a boyfriend. Do not accept 50/50. Do not accept mediocre. Do not do unreciprocated emotional or household labor. If women banded together and stopped doing the taken for granted labor, we would topple the world economy. Patriarchy and misogyny have tried to hide this fact. The world would not function with out women.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 05:08 PM
10

That’s 60,000 a year (per USA average)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 05:02 PM
14

That’s about 150/hour out of pocket. At least an hour/day for 7 days a week is 1050 a week, 4200 a month and 54000. The therapist dues are double the domestic duties.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 05:01 PM
9

Drop this guy. Never offer to split the bill with a cheapskate or a man who can’t manage his money. Spend that money on a nice dinner for yourself and not on him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:57 PM
26

15 y/o is not a woman that’s a child. Go mama bear and I hope he has to get registered as a sex offender!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:53 PM
2

XD that is hilarious
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:31 PM
1

Valentine’s Day is for love. Loving yourself, loving your friends, loving your kids, loving your family, and loving your partner/spouse. If you love someone, tell them/send them a card. Boyfriend of 3 months? Get him a card and an under $10 thing of candy, no wife level things for a man you aren’t married or engaged to. If he’s HVM, he will plan a nice date and take you out. Husband def merits a card and an actual gift/display of affection, and a HV husband will automatically plan something spec…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/21 02:29 PM
9

Do something handmade or sentimental, like writing a really nice card and maybe a framed photo of a favorite memory of you! Candy/other treat would also be appropriate.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 07:22 PM
15

He’s begging himself so he looks humble but at least he wrote out exactly what you would get!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:38 AM
42

The pretty ones count in their looks to skate by and get confused when some one expects competence out of them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:36 AM
15

EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW no how does she just accept this???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/02/21 06:35 AM
114

Vanilla is the natural state of sex. It’s warm, comforting, everyone feels respected and loved, and no one gets injured (on purpose).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 01:29 PM
116

Yes!!! Casual sex is high cost, no benefit. Women have higher risk for STD, violence, social stigma, pregnancy, and pregnancy related health issues. It is safest to restrict sex to a vetted committed long term partner. I hate the way the world is convincing women their worth only amounts to a fling! If you only have sex with a partner, you care less about what the world thinks and more about your plans, your wants, and investing in your relationship, with someone who is doing the same!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/21 01:38 PM
21

My husband and I still have separate accounts but I was added to the credit card and we have all out account info on a joint quicken sheet. He pays rent, utilities, our phone bills, health insurance and his car insurance. I pay for groceries, my car insurance, my student loans, and I am our savings account. I Venmo him money for groceries and he Venmo’s me his check that goes into our savings. He feels like he takes care of business and I feel secure knowing exactly what we have saved. Also sinc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 09:23 PM
13

If your HVM is able to follow thru on providing all the income and support so you can stay home and raise your family and that is what you want, that’s okay! I’d recommend still getting an education as a fall back in case something happens to him and he is unable to work.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/21 02:27 PM
8

So close but yet so far. Most are good points, but it’s surface level. Like cleaning your room, but just shoving everything under the bed. He is not wanting to do the work to maintain this long term.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 11:33 PM
2

Thank you for clarifying, I think we are trying to say the same thing! I get up in arms about financial security due to past experiences and wanting people to do better than I did! Your last sentence is very on point, where it’s up to the woman to decide what she wants financial investment, whether it’s the earring or the house, and also up to the man to respect that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 08:29 PM
3

Because we have budget goals of buying a home, paying off loans, and starting a family. Part of a high value relationship is long term planning for the future and that does mean sacrificing some now so that you will have more in the future. I’m much more happy about the house closing than about missing expensive dates. My husband saw the house made me happy and he moved things around for me to get what I wanted.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 04:19 PM
3

Yes. I value work ethic and good money management over constantly getting expensive gifts and date. Diamond earring every month does not get the rent paid!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:57 PM
9

This. I will be teaching my daughters they should be respectful, but if someone is bullying them or uncomfortable, they should not accept that. They need to make a scene and get help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 02:26 PM
15

Yup. Dates should not be cheap, but emotional investment and respect are worth more than money. My husband and I aren’t rich, but he pays attention to me. He knows what I like, my opinions, and he pushes me to be better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 03:22 AM
3

Accreditation means the school has met the regional/national standards. Places need to be accredited to get federal/state funding and to issue legit degrees. Field: for example, I have a counseling degree. There’s been movement to standardize the courses so that everyone takes the same courses no matter the state. If a counseling degree is CACREP accredited, it’s met the national standard, not just the region/state standard.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 08:59 PM
6

Yeah.... my TA job did not pay for my degree. I’m adding really research your degree program and school costs. Literally no one cares where you went to school, just that it’s regionally accredited and accredited in your field.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 05:07 PM
12

Me! My husband has been open about past use and the things that trigger it. What helped him is he had to kick the habit before we got married. He also had to replace that habit with healthier ones. He refocused on his faith and puts more time into prayer and above all else, treats me as a person and a partner. Porn is sadly something that men are drawn into as early as age 10. If they aren’t taught/shown that women are to be respected, and that porn, BDSM, kinks, fetishes, abuse, underage, non c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 05:06 AM
8

I’m not advocating maintaining contact with an abuser by any means! from my experience, even if parents are separated, if the kids see that they are putting the kids first over pettiness, they are more secure, less anxious, and have better childhood outcomes. Granted that takes 2 mature adults, not a primary parent and a Disneyland parent.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 04:36 AM
34

Children do better with parents happily apart and peacefully co parenting than screaming and yelling together.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 04:00 AM
193

Education is key. Abs work experience. Protip, y’all looking for a graduate degree? Work for 2-3 years after your bachelors, where your crap pay matches your debt. Then get a job that pays for your masters. I went straight from my bachelors to my masters, got a massive case of burnout and loans, then I had too much education for too little experience. Work smarter not harder!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 03:55 AM
40

That’s what’s frustrating. Because the the non custodial parent refuses to work, the custodial parent still does not get the support they need! And non payment of child support alone is not something that can cease visitation or that parents “right” to have a say in school or medical matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 09:23 PM
153

Marital rape was not fully outlawed in the US until the 1990s. No fault divorce was not passed in all states until 2010. Women are still not guaranteed alimony and child support, you have to file them and then they still have to track down the dad and then he has to be legally working for them to be able to garnish his paychecks. It’s not standing by your man if you have no choice but to stay!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 04:49 PM
9

Lydia is BAE. She is sworn to carry your burdens and snark to keep your pride in check.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/01/21 04:22 PM
26

Friend zone only exist when one person is mad the other doesn’t like them back. If that’s not an issue it’s just friends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/01/21 12:00 AM
17

Those are pretty! My husband is always getting me little surprises and making my day better. The true HVM does this for no reason and unprompted
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 11:59 PM
3

Now a days I think they do need a phone by high school so they can call for help and connect with friends. But it should be monitored and have rules and boundaries. No 45 year old man is going to be sexting my 14 y/o on my watch. I don’t have kids yet, but I’ve seen horror stores I want to prevent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:29 PM
57

Uuuuugggggghhhhh CPS worker here. Court is not that biased. They work with who shows up to court and puts on the work. It’s usually mom because dad ran off and she doesn’t know how to contact him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:27 PM
4

Yeah. I grew up and still am in church. There is an expectation that you will get married and have kids and sure we love single people Paul was single but there’s not a great place for them in the church unless they intentionally make it welcome for all walks of life, not just married WASPs who did things the right way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:23 PM
12

Americans use romance to make teenagers spend money on things to get boys to like them and it never ends! Keep kids off social media, away from TV ads, get them into books, and in extracurricular to make friends and get mentors.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:21 PM
142

When dating, you are allowed to break up for what ever petty reason you have. Little things turn into big things. Like he refuses to clean up, means you have to clean every thing. He refuses to dress up, you are embarrassed to be seen with him. He won’t stop playing video games, you resent him for doing that while you cook, clean, take care of things. If you find you are constantly dumping guys, take a break from dating, get therapy, work on your self. Learn how to talk with a guy and figure if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 05:14 PM
33

That is exactly what it’s supposed to be. Problem is, a lot of men had their every need catered to or big sister was doing the parenting. Dad went to work, came home, watched the game, ignored everyone and yelled at mom for dinner. They didn’t see dad earning the money to pay the bills and handle things, so they didn’t pick up that their job is to handle things, not to go home and watch the game.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 12:44 AM
14

That’s amazing XD
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 12:36 AM
12

He has also grown to love the cat and our cat loves him!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/01/21 12:36 AM
73

It’s supposed to be submit to your husband and because he loves god, he will love you, provide for you, and protect you. Which leaves the wife free to care for the children, manage the home and be active in the community. When a woman can’t trust her husband to do that, her focus is on keeping him in the relationship, which makes everything else fall apart. It is on the husband to hold him self to that high standard so his wife can trust him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:32 PM
42

I love my cat, he’s the best! He was a birthday present from my husband who was anti cat until pandemic exacerbated my depression. So he surprised me by saying hey we are looking at cats I’ve already researched food, costs, local vets, let’s goooo!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 11:25 PM
99

You spend a lot of time with co workers. If you don’t set boundaries and intentionally create a healthy relationship with your partner, it’s way to easy for something at work to start. Healthy boundaries are essential. Have a photo of your partner on your desk, as a phone screen saver, wear your wedding ring. Make it known (not in an obnoxious manner) that you are in a committed relationship. If someone comes in to you, shut that down. If you find yourself with a work crush, create distance, ass…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 05:34 AM
67

That’s the right attitude! Never go to a strange guys house. If they insist, block them and get hot chocolate with your friends
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 05:29 AM
1

Sorry, I meant I’d rather be paying down a home than rent, got my words mixed up! Student loans are worth it for a decently priced 4 year degree, No one cares about Ivy Leagues. Right now we are renting and paying off loans. We made the decision to buy a home because the mortgage and utilities were the same as rent, but with a home we are building equity at least. And thank you Biden for no loan interest or required payments! I’ve been using it to pay down my principles.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 03:39 AM
68

I’m dead but yes. I am now the age of most young teachers and high schoolers are BABIES. I can’t fathom how people think that’s attractive and people need to be locked up forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 12:35 AM
44

I feel sorry for her. She stayed with this guy for 20 years and he never committed until now. What happened that he finally asked? What happened to her to think she can’t do better?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/21 12:27 AM
3

Social security, drivers license, marriage license, life insurance, car insurance, car title, lease/mortgage, bank accounts, bank card, checks, work ID, library cards, wills, emergency contacts. And you need 6 forms of ID to prove citizen ship (go murica) The one thing I did not bother was email. I have had that account for 10 years. I had to wait an hour at the social security/dmv. Email was Not worth it!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 08:41 PM
11

Run far away from substance use. It’s used instead of coping skills and therapy. You will not be the priority, the drug will. Chemical crotch lol apt description
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 04:15 PM
6

I wish I had kept my legal name to save on paperwork hassle and just gone by my married name socially. Makes job hunting easier!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 04:14 PM
9

I am married, my husband has a BS, and an MBA and is gainfully employed. If I were not married, I would want a man with a college degree that was employed but has a work life balance. I want to have equal smarts with a partner and not have to dumb myself down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 04:10 PM
41

It’s a pandemic, for safety’s sake you should be social distancing anyway. Use FaceTime/Skype dates!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 02:49 PM
16

Lol I can’t type, I fixed it!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 06:21 AM
6

It is easier for him to convince you to go all the way when you already have your pants off. Sex put you in a vulnerable position where you will not be able to make the best judgement call. Sex covers up red flags because it makes him more attractive and you want him. He’s jumping to cunninlingus because he doesn’t have much else to offer. Step back from this guy, set boundaries and keep them. Slow down and ask these questions: Do you know he’s clean? Have you seen an STD screen? Do you know if …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 06:14 AM
28

This!!!!!!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 06:05 AM
53

Ah, my youth group years are coming in handy! First off, stay in public. Dinner dates, outside activities, group activities. Never go to his house or yours at first, it’s easier to let your guard down. Don’t have the date be the high light of your week, have other activities going on. Have your friends remind you to use your head or text at annoying times. Write out what boundaries you want and read them before going out. Also, have a freaking conversation about establishing boundaries and conse…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 06:04 AM
7

Sex unfortunately has more consequences for you (pregnancy and STDS) than it does for him abs that is why sex should be completely off the dating table. Date him to see how he is as a person, how he treats others, his work ethic, and his values. The right man will not mind waiting for the right woman. And a high value man wants a relationship, not just sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:58 AM
5

The guidebook does go into this. It recommends no sex for the first few months while you vet to see if this is a high quality man, worthy of your time. Sex forces you to let your guard down and hormones cover a lot of red flags. 3 dates is not enough to verify this guy is not a serial killer. Slow your roll, keep your pants on, and your standards high.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:55 AM
1

Like for example, a mortgage is preferable to student loans. At least then I’m investing in a home and building equity rather than burning rent
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:51 AM
93

There is no difference between cheating and porn. Basis of monogamy is an exclusive sexual relationship. Porn is not exclusive as it inviting other people into that sexual relationship. I don’t care that it’s virtual. You are supposed to have that exclusive sex with your partner, not an iPhone screen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 05:00 AM
18

That’s disgusting. Why did no one around them call him out? He’s a family friend, why did her family think this was okay???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 12:41 AM
7

And you get none of the legal protections of divorce (the few that exist anyway!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:44 PM
9

I added your comment above because you made a good point. And yes to rural areas; I do my social service job in a rural area and it’s difficult with no neighbors, police take 20 mins to get out, cell service is crap, no public busses, and Uber does not come that far out.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:42 PM
61

Legally blonde is a classic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:14 PM
28

I will listen to Dave for financial advice, beyond that he has some wacko thinking. I did hear he is being sued for discriminating against a pregnant woman. The big push for financial stability is so people can donate to their church. I recommend taking financial peace after engagement but before getting married. You and future partner need to be aware of all debts and spending habits and what your financial goals are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 10:09 PM
5

These are important questions to ask!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 06:03 PM
19

Age gap comment needs more upvotes. Older men date younger women because she doesn’t have the life experience needed to see his BS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 06:02 PM
26

Cohabiting is doing “wifey shit for free”. You don’t respect yourself enough to keep vetting and get a ring/married first. Or you can’t afford rent. Or he threatens to leave if you don’t move in. Men see that and don’t bother giving that respect because they are getting wife benefits free. FDS recommends not moving in, dating for a length of time, and engagement or marriage before living with a man. It also recommends a health support system and financial independence, which are strong protectiv…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 02:41 PM
107

Where’s your family? Who are your friends? Common get to know you questions. Or you are new at work or alone at the party. you’ve been together, you move in, he suddenly gets a job 300 miles away. Or he takes up all your time, tells you friends and family are stupid, and isolates you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 01:20 AM
174

This needs to be pinned. But basically anything that puts one partner at a disadvantage. Adding not being officially on the lease, being pregnant, substance abuse, having no support system, man is bread winner and refuses to let woman get a job, SAHM with no education. Adding from u/logisticbird “There is an increased risk of violence in relationships with a 9+ year age gap. Often, these relationships are rife with abuse, coercive control, and misogynistic behaviours”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/21 01:02 AM
33

I don’t ... did she marry this guy knowing he would go a week without showering with out encouragement? She needs to leave, and get to a women’s shelter if family is no help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 01:48 PM
3

Congratulations!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:49 AM
31

Nice! How else does he show he pays attention to you?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:41 AM
22

Good grief. Stick up for yourself, but don’t cause fights. Your dad sucks. Now is the time to plan your exit strategy. Work hard in school, take AP, dual credit, get a part time job, study, and save your money. Graduate, move in with a friend (preferably a female friend doing the same as you), do community college to save on loans, and do what you can to get financial independence.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/01/21 03:40 AM
27

Do not buy expensive toys for a date. Do not buy expensive toys for a boyfriend. Do not buy expensive toys to convince anyone to stay with you Heck I didn’t even get a ps5 for my husband, if he wants one he can save his disposable income for it. I didn’t spend significant money for my husbands gifts until we got married. Because we were young and broke and valued each other’s time instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:54 AM
17

....that’s horrifying. Also don’t douche, your vagina cleans it’s set, you just need mild soap and water on the out side. Also bikini waxes and shaving your vulva cause harm and irritation. Trim, do not shave bare, the hair is actually there to protect from bacteria and other things.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:45 AM
117

My husband warns me when he shuts cabinets/does a thing that makes a loud noise because I told him that can trigger a stress reaction. It’s the little things. Now he just needs to stop sounding like an elephant upstairs during zoom meetings!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 03:41 AM
5

Didn’t read the post, but yes that is BS. Dump him, block, delete, focus on bettering yourself!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:37 AM
26

Being a human alarm clock, calendar, cheer leader!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:34 AM
43

^ this. He should know you well enough to know what you want.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:29 AM
14

Proposals need to be well thought out and special. My husband wrote about 2 hundred individual notes about our relationship, stuck them in a jar, surrounded it with pictures of our fun times and candles at the place where we had our first date and literally referenced all of our dumb inside jokes AND had someone taking photos. The fact that he put that much effort made me all the more sure he was the one. Also we’d thoroughly discussed marriage, religion, kids, parenting, career choices, and I p…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:29 AM
4

Neither woman here come out on top. GF is kept around for easy lay, best friend gets all the attention and her time wasted by the guy. They both need to drop him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/21 02:22 AM
6

Yep. I’m not curvy by any stretch but I had a lot of bullying and harassment from boys all thru middle school because I was small and shy. I was extremely sex/relationship avoidant until college. Middle school boys are awful, are exposed to porn and locker room talk and most never mature beyond that. Women grow up traumatized by being over sexualized by age 12 and as a result think men’s bare minimum is respectful and romantic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 09:28 PM
41

I made this comment on another post but future plans is “what is your 5 year plan? I want to get married, meet my career goals, get a home and start a family; I want to see if our plans line up so we don’t waste each other’s time” where as love bombing is “lots of presents, lots of compliments, you’d make such a good wife” for the first few months, then it tapers off, which makes you worried you are losing their attention, then that leads into a mess of behaviors to keep that attention. Plans re…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 08:50 AM
108

A) report him to a supervisor and HR B) PSA on point. Don’t send nudes. You lose control of who sees them the second you hit send. Phones can be stolen or hacked. That photo can be uploaded to porn sites or photoshopped, or used for black mail. Nothing is erased forever on the internet.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/21 08:42 AM
38

It’s having a time line AND following thru. Like he says my job sucks and you see him actively search for jobs, applying, interviewing, taking extra classes. He says my health sucks, and you see him changing his diet, exercising, and sticking to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:57 PM
80

One is “what’s your 5 year plan? I want to get married, build savings, move/get a home, start a family” the other is “buys you expensive gifts, jewelry, compliments, you’d be the perfect wife, but does not actually give a clear timeline for the relationship, just wants the benefits”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:48 PM
14

If you want help with rent, get a roommate, not a long term hook up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 10:45 PM
77

Yes! If you just break up, you do nothing get compensated for your unpaid labor of house keeping, human calendar, property management. If you have children, there’s child support (that’s to be used for the kids expenses, parents have an obligation to support them). If you were in a long term situation ship, there is nothing in place to legally protect you. Do not move in or have a child without a ring, or marriage!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 08:30 PM
57

The problem is stringing some one along for 5 years instead of being clear about their intentions. It’s okay if you never want to marry, just be clear about it and don’t waste anyone’s time!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 07:28 PM
184

I’m religious and I grew up and was taught do not live together until you are married; I have never really understood the date for 7 years/move in during/after college/be engaged for 5 years life style that I saw people doing. Like what is the point of investing all that time if neither person is going to commit and invest. Even if you aren’t religious, you get more tax and insurance benefits. Your time and your life is valuable. Do not give that away for free to someone who is not going to resp…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 07:27 PM
9

Brilliant!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/21 06:57 AM
9

Trust your instincts!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 10:06 PM
5

I think people need more time than they think to get over things. Your situation needs more time because you went back to it. I’m proud you went to therapy and are working on yourself. Don’t date, focus on your goals, career, projects, and your friends. If you are happy by yourself, it makes getting guys easier because you don’t need them to be happy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 05:15 PM
7

Don’t do this. I did this, wasted a year of my life. People need to be single for a year before dating again. Rebounding just projects the issues that ended the last relationship onto the new person. They don’t want to date you, the want to not be alone and actually have to address their issues!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/01/21 03:18 PM
23

I wouldn’t even bother being friends with him. He’s bailed before and he’s only wanting your attention because you are putting it elsewhere. He does not see you as a friend. BLOCK AND DELETE!!!!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/21 02:07 PM
19

It is mind boggling how far out of their way some one will go when they truly care
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 12:10 AM
43

I’m a sucker for regency dress and men wearing in it what can I say?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 12:09 AM
22

No unreciprocated emotional labor. You are not google, Siri, Alexa, cortana, or a calendar.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/21 12:06 AM
202

Gomez is a true high value man.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 12:57 PM
26

I would be mad because that ring would break the first time I dropped it. An engagement ring (and wedding band) is something a woman wants to wear for 50 years. It does not need to be gigantic, it needs to be sturdy and good quality. Also you can get fairly sizable lab grown stones for good prices with out being cheap or breaking the bank.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 02:53 AM
37

Yep. Graduate high school, get a job, get a degree, get financially secure, find your standards and then do not get with anyone whom being in’s relationship will make you lower them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/01/21 02:48 AM
5

That’s a good lesson from your grandma!!! From your story Grandpa seems to get why you don’t want your cousins to fall for the first person to give you flowers. “Grandpa gives me flowers all the time, what do you actually have to offer?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:24 PM
5

I got a promise ring from my now husband when we were dating for 6 months (F25 M26). We were at a point where we were both needing to move locations for jobs and from different states. He was ready to propose, but I was not ready for engagement at 6 months of dating and especially not after a combined 500 mile cross country move. So I consented to a promise ring, we moved states to be together, but we lived in separate apartments, got engaged 6 months after that, and only moved in after getting …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 11:01 PM
15

It’s a thing where people can be a crap spouse/parent/friend to some people and the best grandparent to their grandkids. Maybe it’s because they have learned enough that they want to treat just this one child(ren) right because they messed up everywhere else. It doesn’t make it right. Because it shows that if they wanted to be a better spouse/parent/friend, they would by now :/
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:53 PM
5

-respects and remembers your interests -able to be there in emergencies (and you vice versa - fun and not exhausting to be around
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:49 PM
9

Google is their friend, because you won’t be!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 10:47 PM
12

Because there is yes and [answer I don’t like that I can change by asking again, being nice then asking again, or harassing]
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 01:57 PM
13

My husband was chomping at the bit (so to speak) to propose 6 months into dating. I made him wait a year because I was not ready and we were still talking things thru. When he knows, he knows. Complaining about it to friends and Facebook makes no difference.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 05:07 AM
5

I love HONY, restores my faith in humanity!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:48 AM
19

Don’t. Marry. Partners. Who expect you to manage them while they sit. On. Their. Butt!!!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:47 AM
24

I have a friend who has made joking posts over this past year about how her BF of 4 years has not proposed. I don’t know her whole story but a woman should never have to publicly shame a guy into proposing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:43 AM
49

Face masks have been wonderful in A) preventing illness spread and B) I no longer have to care what my face looks like. It is stupid to have to fake happiness to get treated with common courtesy
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:40 AM
28

Good on OP for noping out when she saw potential for drama. Tread carefully when considering dating someone with children. It is okay for that to be something you don’t want to mess with!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/21 04:38 AM
3

The hell...???!!!!! Of all the things that aren’t your responsibility to pay for it’s your engagement ring!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 09:45 PM
18

There are always signs. Some people just ignore them until they have children and become stuck.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 06:06 PM
2

It’s more of the constant focus on appearance, make up, tailoring to the male gaze, everything looks fake, the sheer expensiveness of it, and on top of it, none of them look happy. Maybe when they are looking at their kids. overall, I am happy avoiding reality TV and finding happiness in my life where I’m not required to put that amount of effort in looking fake happy. I can be authentically unhappy! (I’m in counseling and dealing with it)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 06:02 PM
37

How is this something she didn’t see until she was pregnant? What did he do if she was sick/ill before this happened?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:32 PM
95

I saw this posted somewhere else: It ran in my family until it ran into me. The Cycle can stop with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 04:29 PM
32

Opposite: 1 Feeling secure 2 You and partner have discussed motives 3 You feel complete 4 You feel fulfilled 5 You don’t feel you are putting in all the work all the time 6 You can talk to partner with out fear of conflict 7 Partner does not do anything you have to excuse 8 You know when you will see them next 9 You grow on your own and In relationship 10 Consistent connection
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 09:00 AM
446

This is one instance that meant a lot to her. The concept is the man paying attention to her field, and reading up about it so they can talk about it. Paying attention to the little things and educating himself on her interests is a HV trait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 08:53 AM
23

I’m so proud of you!!! You went to therapy, addressed your problems, got a healthier out look on life, strong boundaries, and you got into law school??? You are doing amazing!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 12:31 AM
6

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp this is a great article about this topic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/01/21 12:22 AM
18

That is as one other commenter put, strategic incompetence. He knows she meant scoop chili into clean Tupperware with a lid, put in fridge. Bare minimum. Common sense would also tell him put chili in serving size containers for easy lunch making. Then clean out the pot, wipe down the outside, dry it, put it in the cabinet, close cabinet, wipe down the counter, load the rest of the dishes, sweep the floor. toss out the meat loaf from 2 weeks ago and take out the trash. She’d have been okay with h…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 05:41 PM
10

Did he ask you out or did you agree to meet some place? A main FDS principle is that the guy pays for dates. Also the things you listed: top of you age range, less attractive, makes more money but won’t pay for dates? You can vet those issues with your pre date phone calls. Next time, don’t waste your time. Have high expectations and keep them, that will ensure you get a high value relationship with a man that values your company.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:42 AM
20

That’s extra emotional labor on your end. Any person with sense can be a listening ear, buy you a coffee/treat, or use their eyes to see what might help.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:37 AM
12

Yep! It may take a while but then you feel free and can focus wholly on yourself and things that you want!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:36 AM
6

You have no obligation to respond to a random text! Block and move on with your day!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:34 AM
66

OP needs to stop doing wife things for a boyfriend. He never reciprocates. She’s not a GF, she is an on call chef. My advice to her: drop him and you won’t have to cook for him and his roommates.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:29 AM
29

I’ve found the less reality TV I watch, the happier I am with my appearance. I wish our culture would stop giving them a platform.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/01/21 07:26 AM
109

There’s certain types of men who think common courtesy is flirting. I’m over it. I want to be nice and spread kindness in all but I can’t for the creeps. UGH
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:17 AM
26

Everyone needs to be taught the signs and how to help. Truckers, gas stop attendants, flight attendants, TSA, etc
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/01/21 12:15 AM
191

Don’t date a man who smokes, uses pot, dips, or vapes. This is my hard boundary. It’s expensive, causes health problems, and makes him, his clothes, and place smell funky. Also it’s a mind altering substance. You want a man who had actual coping skills, not one who has to breath a burning plant every half hour to function.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/01/21 02:19 PM
6

In hindsight, when he didn’t directly break up with me when he didn’t see a future and started seeing some one on the side but still texting me long distance. 🙄 I will admit I was being a clown 🤡 and I should have ended it myself but it was a good life lesson.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:33 PM
14

The gift of fear!!!! It talks about boundaries and also all the ways situations can be sketch and what vetting questions to ask, and not just about dating!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:30 PM
43

Nope nope nope nope nope nope Woman needs to run and quit wasting her cooking skills on a man who calls her a derogatory term as a pet name. NOT OKAY AT ALL
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 01:26 PM
6

Honestly, you date them for a while. At least a year. Long enough for infatuation to wear off and to be able to see each other in different situations. How you look with out make up, how he acts in traffic, how you both react to stress, not getting your way. See how he treats friends, family, and waitstaff. Any guy your with should treat you as if you are the most beautiful person in the room, that’s why you watch how he treats everyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:36 PM
3

I think that’s part of why FDS vetting recommends no sex, no cohabitating, and keeping your options until you’ve thoroughly vetted them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 02:10 PM
31

You answered your question in your post: if he doesn’t immediately see that I’m nice and made of girlfriend material, he won’t be interested. Culture, family, and peer pressure provide a lot of programming and it takes work to break away from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:51 AM
6

I’m taking notes on everything in this comment thread and adding to my buy for when I get a house fund, this is amazing. Also you tube is great. I never felt more accomplished than when I figured out out to fix a toilet flusher by you tube the month after I broke up with my ex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:44 AM
57

Good advice for relationships, friendships, and jobs. Figure out where you stand, have clear expectations and boundaries. If it’s still ??!!!??? After that, reconsider if it’s really adding value!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:39 AM
94

It’s 1.5 months, and this “friend” is causing issues. OP is not invested and would be better off cutting him loose rather than playing head games
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 04:38 AM
171

If that guy is so specific about what he wants, he should invest in the sims 4 and leave this GF free of his unnecessary opinions!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/01/21 11:15 PM
8

I have enjoyed watching the show. Favorite part was the main character KOing a scrote. The big brother is a hypocrite. He knows exactly how bad his peers are so he refuses to let his sister see any of them. Duke needs therapy but this the regency. Eloise makes the best points in the show about how women are limited.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 03:16 PM
36

Read the Gift of Fear! The author hits the nail on the head about how women especially are trained to be nice and non confrontational at our own expense. It emphasizes trusting your instincts while also thoroughly covering what make a situation sketch and what questions you should be asking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:59 PM
11

This! You are an amazing person, and your worth does not come from your relationship!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/01/21 02:51 PM
29

There is nothing about violent sex and BDSM that will lead to a healthy relationship based on mutual respect. That’s not kink, that’s abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:39 AM
24

No unreciprocated emotional labor. Match their level. No wife level labor for a guy you’ve been on 3 dates with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:38 AM
6

Congratulations!!! That’s amazing!!! Decorate and get the furniture YOU want, this is all your place for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 12:35 AM
103

I do not understand why people think this would be attractive. If some one does not have friends or treats the ones they have poorly, that should be a red flag 🚩🚩🚩 be it friend or potential partner.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 10:07 PM
7

I’m in the helping profession, already got the masters, have worked my job for 18 months and I’ve been feeling burnt out for the past 5 months. People have to make their own decision to accept help and change, you cannot force them to! It
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 02:47 PM
15

This, yes, be auntie, be a mentor!!!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:27 AM
70

The most important take away from this is: NO UNRECIPROCATED EMOTIONAL LABOR!!!! I love that you wrote, If you have a lot of love to give, give it to friends, pets, and volunteering. I will note on helping professions: they are all about unreciprocated emotional labor and you will get burnt out unless you have firm boundaries. Better to put that on a pet than your job!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:16 AM
51

I have never cared for him. He was a sweet kid when he first started, but he hung out with people who disrespected women, got into drugs, and other shenanigans and used his money and fame to buy out of the consequences. That’s a disgusting thing to say to a woman, especially your wife??? And on a public forum??? What does she see in him, outside of $$$? All that glitters is not gold, give me a solid, providing, respectful man over a richer than god LV!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/12/20 03:12 AM
23

I did not mature faster. I was encouraged to clean up around the house and take responsibility while my brother got to play video games. Throw in family trauma and depression, and you have an “old soul”!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/20 03:59 AM
42

Adding: Does his family (and yours) respect your relationship and boundaries? Can you trust him with your cat/dog/pet rock/house plant? Does he respect your passions and hobbies?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/12/20 10:35 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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