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ArtisticQuality Archive

View 0 posts and 120 comments by ArtisticQuality on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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16

How many other women thought they were special? Probably most of them. Here is my recommendation: The "body count" is clear evidence that he has discarded dozens of women in the past. Many may have been casual one-night connections, sure. Many were incompatible - it's inevitable. But what about the dozens that were probably good, eligible women? We can't imagine there wasn't at least 5 that would have been great wife material. However you hash this, this stuff says something about him. Is he now…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/23 08:21 PM
33

most women would jump on this opportunity This is why he's had 100 women. The dude plays a great opening game, like a chess master. Eventually it all fizzles out, and he moves on to the next woman that enjoys the opening play. Those 100 women didn't just show up in his bedroom. --- He was immediately confident and charming he had a way with words He was easy to talk to he kissed me goodnight before driving me home talks about being wealthy, has a job that sounds great talks about wanting the sam…
/r/RedPillWomen13/12/23 05:23 PM
1

Here's an overview from someone that already got divorced half a decade ago. First, there could be cheating already. I'm not going to dwell on that, but watch the phone behavior and the excuses to not be around. Then there could be medical issues. Try to get a proper round of checkups for her health, make sure her blood work, hormones and vitamin levels are healthy. Then there's lifestyle BS. People get caught up in their crap, some people have a hard time dealing with stress and get into bad pa…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/23 06:12 PM
1

There we go. Now that playing the victim didn't work you are back on character attack. As expected. If I don't hate women like you do, then I have to be a feminazi. And you have the balls to stay in this conversation after I already called you out for arguing in bad faith. And you continue arguing in bad faith. Perhaps that's the only way you know how to talk. https://medium.com/s/story/a-field-guide-to-bad-faith-arguments-7-terrible-arguments-in-your-mentions-ee4f194afbc9
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 04:30 PM
1

You want to attack the person when you don't like the ideas, but when you get called out on it you pretend to toe the subject matter and now you are the victim. I don't discuss ideas with people that argue in bad faith, waste of time. if you want to have a real conversation, learn to discuss with respect.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 04:03 PM
2

Read up this conversation, the one I replied to said: > You need to truly absorb the horror monster that is the female So I used the words being said. Maybe you didn't say them. Also > If you're not then GTFO Go fuck yourself with your sense of entitlement. You don't tell me where to linger, or for what reason. You piece of shit. If you don't want to discuss your retarded beliefs then don't defend them. But coping out by attacking people when you don't like the conversation is fucking cancerous.…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:41 PM
2

It's about understanding them The "horror" that they are? It's cultish. You are saying: no hear me out, they are monsters, but we don't mean it in a hateful way. We've just come to understand all of them as a group are worthless scum not worth anyone's trust. But we believe this scientifically, so it doesn't qualify as hating. Listen to yourself. You can apply that nonsense to anything. Try this: Divorced men are horrible. No, hear me out, we've just come to realize they are bitter and sad, prob…
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 03:28 PM
5

I second this. Demonizing the other team is not a healthy way to deal with this. And I say that as someone that's kinda at the demonizing stage.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/19 05:48 AM
3

People get into their ruts, and if she is used to seeing you as a punching bag and someone to lash out at, she's going to keep doing that until made to stop. Not healthy for the kids either. You are not just there to honor your marriage commitment, you have a first duty to provide a good environment for your kids. Get a lawyer. You can audition a few to get a sense for their approach and learn your options. Find someone that can handle the situation and will fight for you. After you've spoken to…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/19 07:48 PM
3

> Anyone ever felt like that? Yes. Stay strong, one day at a time. It will pass. Try to let some people in.
/r/Divorce_Men18/10/19 03:52 AM
1

> 6 months no progress maybe worse You got your answer. I'm from the camp of trying to make it work, but the evidence shows if it's not getting better after a while it just won't. I would say within 6 months you should be able to see the needles pointing in your direction. If not, most likely things are not going to get better. > She also says she wants to keep trying. wants it to work. If you have any hope of breaking through, you'll need to do a lot more than you are doing now. You'll have to …
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/19 08:26 PM
4

On point. Thank you for sharing. Mandatory reading for anyone just getting started with this. I'd just add: get fit.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/19 11:25 PM
2

> I am still basically emotionally crippled. All I want is to have her back. That's it right there. You can't see anything good in your life and you certainly won't get to enjoy it until you clear this stage. You are stuck, holding on to a lifeline that doesn't exist, prolonging a sense of pain just for the hell of it. So yeah, until you get past her you'll feel lost. And people can see this in you and keep their distance. Let her go. She abandoned you. She failed her side of the vows. She faile…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/19 05:20 AM
3

If you can afford to take some time off work, I would advise you plan for that eventuality. You feel it's tough now but it gets worse during the split as you try to negotiate the new reality and have to adopt a new life. Personally, I was barely able to keep functioning the first 6 months since separation, and I consider myself lucky I didn't screw things up at work because I was doing bare minimum effort on a my good days, it was all I could give. If you are already feeling the weight of the wo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/19 05:45 AM
3

You guys are probably going to hate my answer as much as I hate it myself. I married a soulmate type of situation. Beautiful, charismatic, smart, brilliant, funny, generous, great cook, wild in bed, thought the world of me and loyal to a fault. I enjoyed spending time with her and we spent a TON of time together, never tired of her or she me. Marrying her seemed pretty obvious, I had the winning ticket. That she would eventually gain a ton of weight, become perma-depressed, push me away, cheat a…
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/19 01:36 AM
1

Maybe you are right. I only know a few lines, you and your friends would know more. You might already have your answer. I'd say give therapy a chance, even if you still get divorced the therapy might help both of you work through some feelings and have more peace. But something that I probably wasn't clear about, definitely don't go 10 years like this. If you don't find a way to have a healthy and rewarding marriage in the next few months (maybe 6), then you did make a mistake and you owe it to …
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/19 02:54 AM
1

Have you tried therapy? I'm not one to recommend giving up on things, but this short into it things should not be this bad. You should definitely fix this situation and don't let the situation get any worse. And that thing about not wanting kids, I'd say be extra careful but sounds like a bad approach to keep your wife at bay while also trying to improve the marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/19 01:32 AM
1

Don't be embarrassed, it's the circumstances. I'm very much on the same boat BTW, no idea what I'm going to do or even want to do. Except I don't want to meet people through a fkn app. But in general I'm not at a place where I'd want to give a woman any of my time. So pretty much in limbo for a few more months. I figure if the urge to form connections gets stronger it will probably be as I'm emerging from this, so I'm just going to take it one week at a time and play it by ear.
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/19 07:46 PM
1

I'm not speaking from any experience in this field, but I think you are misreading Tinder if you think the people on there are never looking for what you are looking for. You don't have to lead anyone on, not everyone wants a relationship, you can offer some fun and look for anyone that wants the same. The date part of Tinder is basically a job interview to prove you are not going to cut them in pieces and eat them as breakfast for the next 3 months. You don't have to pretend you want a girlfrie…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/19 07:27 PM
1

Fortunately, it doesn't matter anymore for me. Yeah, don't waste any energy worrying about what a broken person did during their self-destructive phase. Whatever it was it brought nobody closer to happiness. And you are probably right about the tip of the iceberg.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:44 AM
1

for every divorced single mom there’s some douche bag on Facebook trying to court her Much more than that. For every mildly discontent wife starting to ponder on her future, there's a dozen lowlife scumbags looking for emotionally-unstable easy pickings, ready to text them they are under-appreciated and they need new dick. And the way society is going, it seems it doesn't take too much reinforcement for women to start listening to the texts.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/19 07:56 PM
5

You are only partially right. If she needed more attention, if she wanted to spend more time together, if she felt you needed to work on the relationship, get away, or seek counseling, all those things she could have brought up, argued for and made something happen. Excusing her for her behavior now is the same as trying to excuse you if you decided your marriage was boring and decided to start frequenting sex workers. Good luck. An honest conversation is a great start, and maybe she hasn't chea…
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/19 07:31 AM
1

> we have issues over everything, family, money, work, house, you name it Sounds like a lot. I would bet that both of you feel off balance, that things are not right and there's no pathway to putting them right. Too many difficult things to sort out. A couple ideas: You might consider individual counseling. When there's this much wrong, it could help to speak freely about all the things that feel wrong without having to be sensitive to the other person being in the room. She should definitely be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/19 09:09 AM
3

Congrats and I'm happy for you, but this reads like you are still on shaky ground. Be sure to do work on yourselves and your relationship, and you should definitely seek counseling.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/19 07:53 AM
1

Congrats, and thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 07:23 PM
1

One more thing. My mom divorced my dad with fair reasons and gave me this nugget: At first it feels like the entire weight of the world, but eventually it feels like absolutely nothing. More the amazement at how something once so big can be reduced to nothing at all. She says she doesn't miss him one bit, or even feel bad about it one bit. Just no drag of any kind at all. So my point is, you won't be avoiding shared memories your entire life. You'll adapt and it will no longer hurt.
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 06:57 PM
2

I think the only "right" way is to work through those feelings. It's like a catchy summer song that eventually fades away because you've heard it enough times that it no longer moves you. It's still there, and when you hear it you remember it, but it no longer has the same connection. Moving on means accepting that the relationship is over, letting the connection fade away. Once that happens, something might still trigger a memory but it won't be a painful memory, maybe slightly bitter-sweet, an…
/r/Divorce_Men03/09/19 06:53 PM
3

Should be a good step. Regardless of whether it ultimately saves the marriage, at least it will act as an opportunity to work through some things, maybe ease the process a bit for those involved. Pitfalls - hard to say. Shouldn't be any legal ones that I'm aware of. Nobody is going to look down on you for trying to improve communication and ease people's burdens. I hesitantly say that therapists are people, and they can be great or douchebags like the rest of us. I'd go in with an open mind but …
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/19 01:55 AM
3

And it will eventually be over, and it's so worth getting there. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 07:52 PM
3

This. Divorce can hit people hard. When depression sets in it's hard to shake. The quality of the lawyer should go up according to the state of depression, since the person would be less useful to get things done. And having good friends around is very important. There will be good days ahead. Great days even, plenty. Tell him we said that. And we want him to find the strength to get off the couch and fight, even if in short bursts.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/19 07:06 PM
4

Prove that there's tons of shit dads? How long do you have?
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/19 01:13 AM
3

Don't assume he will hate you LONG TERM. The first part is rough but there's a cycle and at the end he'll find his footing and a new life. Whether he ends up hating you depends on how you carry yourself about this. Don't cheat. That helps a lot. Don't let bitterness win the day. The split tests people regardless. You are used to sharing things like assets and family, you are both going to lose a lot and it will feel terrible. It's inviting to take it out on the person that's costing you to lose.…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 11:35 PM
5

I second. OP you deserved better. But don't blanket lump in all of any group as great people. Tons of shit dads out there too. I support the courts making a serious effort to determine what's going on in the best interest of the kids (as flawed as these systems tend to be, the alternatives are worse). But it is true that it seems slanted. There's an unfair bias towards the mom keeps the kids and the dad pays for it even though he doesn't get to see them as often.
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 11:22 PM
3

Maybe there's no working this out. But you need to keep the ship steady for the kids, they can't cope on their own, you are their support. I'd say keep pushing the mental health aspect and keep demanding performance from her, she doesn't get to be a monster because she's having a bad few years. But don't pull out of that situation too quickly without a solid plan for how to land on your feet and provide even better solid ground for the kids. As you keep this process moving forward, I'd recommend…
/r/Divorce_Men30/08/19 09:27 PM
3

I think they are valid if you've given it a good effort to try to work it out. Have you tried therapy? She might be unhappy as well. If you are stuck in a rut trying the same things won't get you out of it. But people can change, it's just hard. The shock to the system has to be greater than one more round of lukewarm effort.
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 08:40 PM
1

I agree with you. But it just seems unnatural that as a society we are headed towards a balance in which marriage is not overall preferred. I think that the bond between 2 people is such a careful balance that starting off with a dark cloud over it can itself be the weight that dooms it. Like an aggressive prenup, or an open decision to maintain legal and financial independence. It's like a refusal to take the bond seriously, to truly commit. This is not something we can solve easily, but to wha…
/r/Divorce_Men29/08/19 04:54 AM
1

These are the points we should all consider. I think some drama is unavoidable, like if both your names are on the house, or if you have kids, what happens to those things will look a lot like divorce. But at the same time not having the paperwork does make other things easier. There's also the aspect of failing to meet society's standard, which in itself puts a dark cloud on the relationship the whole time. I'm personally leaning closer to your view, but I'm not sure young people are best serve…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 11:34 PM
1

This. The scars change you. And what she did is evidence that things can turn ugly at any time and you can't be in control because it takes 2 to have a commitment. These are not the conditions in which marriages thrive. There has to be some guarantee that people will work hard to uphold the commitment. But there just isn't. In fact, the actual guarantee is that people are fairly quick to find an easy out when the going gets tough, and the going always gets tough at some point.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 05:38 AM
1

The thing is, even without the paperwork signed, your scenario creates a tricky separation. It's one thing for people in their 40s to live together without getting married, they both had lives before and can somewhat go back to those 5-7 years later if they split up. So it's basically like long term dating. But when you talk about young people, they are building their lives. They will earn degrees or rise through work, make some money, want to buy property or cars, or invest in a business, and h…
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/19 05:29 AM
10

I think it might be helpful to add what stage you are in. I don't imagine people at the early stages are too keen on getting back on the rollercoaster. I'm at 6 months since she walked out. I'm starting to see a path to forgiving her for the way it played out, and just barely starting to reconsider thinking about women as people worth anyone's personal time. Probably a long time away from thinking I want one in my life as a serious relationship, and the idea of marrying right now sounds about as…
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 07:34 PM
2

It does. It's hard to see a way back when you feel the love is gone. But you are young and I wanted to remind you that this is how a lot of relationships fizzle out. Part of marriage is a commitment to keep the relationship alive, and fight for it if it's cooled down. You are supposed to take time, go on vacation, have long talks, date each other, do therapy. I'm not saying don't get divorced, I don't know enough to give you advice either way. But one thing is certain. One day you'll have lived …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 04:05 AM
2

Yes, do a free consultations with lawyers, do at least 3 so you can get some questions in and get a good perspective for who's a good fit to handle your situation. If there won't be serious disagreements then the process should be fairly swift. Separately, this might not mean much since I don't know the details of your situation, but can I say that it seems you are burnt out. You put an unreasonable weight on your shoulders and forgot to be a person. What's her role in all of this, are you sure …
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/19 03:47 AM
5

Yes, but it was always going to suck. She's got the drop on you, having been preparing for months. Time to catch up at double speed. Start by getting a solid pro in your corner.
/r/Divorce_Men26/08/19 06:03 PM
3

Sounds like this is your own way of coping. Abusing stimulants and objectifying the world and the people in it. I propose you are doing less of "being a man" and more of hiding from your dark thoughts. You are going to need to work through some stuff sooner or later.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/19 02:34 PM
2

I think you give it enough time that the situation has had an opportunity to change for the better if it was going to. Once you both realize it's not getting better, just go ahead and do it while you are still respectful of each other. It will always suck, but it sucks way worse when bitterness sets in or when one person decides to move on emotionally and starts having a relationship outside the home. Do it now to gain something important: you'll get to have a decent relationship with her afterw…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 08:11 PM
2

My wedding anniversary came not long ago. I didn't remember at all but my mom sent me a text message, she meant well but acted as a reminder. I didn't care at all that day, I thought that was a good sign of moving on. But I had trouble sleeping for a few days after that. In retrospect I should have taken it more seriously and done a calm-down routine before going to bed because that's when the thoughts nag me.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 07:52 PM
2

I wish you had been able to have her diagnosed and possibly medicated when there was still time to salvage things. But it sounds like ultimately you were left without choice, you can't live like that, it's not ok. Good luck with the mediation. If she's going to be in your life as the mother of your kid, try to get her to find help, maybe through her family someone can push harder to get her to see a therapist that can prescribe.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 05:47 AM
1

I think people are responsible for their choices, but her media consumption did not help. She was letting herself sink in depression, spend tons of productivity hours watching the most asinine shows about midgets and wealthy socialites. It affected her thinking, permeated into her choices. Sometimes she would say things that sounded nothing like the intelligent, generous and sensitive person she used to be. Then on the phone I know she spent more time talking to other people "invested" in the mi…
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 05:36 AM
1

Can you add more details on some of these adventures? My issue at the moment is having no appetite to try anything. But a while back I had to fly for work for a week and the experience was invigorating, to get out of the house and routine and be among different people in a different environment running around to get things done. It was nice to be back home to comfort and my things, but I did miss having an adventure to look forward to.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 02:22 AM
1

> “we can work this out” Nope. She's already filed. She's had plenty of time to think about this. This is what she wants. She's already mourned your relationship and moved on. I hate to say this but in cases when she is so affirmative about ending the relationship there's often already someone else. Love is not a one-way street. If she doesn't love you back you don't have much going. If she's not willing to do the work (like seek therapy together) nothing is going to get better. Even if you want…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/19 08:16 PM
3

You'll never be the best dad if you are miserable. You can only hide it so long and so well. Once they are teens they'll feel it, they won't be able to parse it, they'll resent it and nobody will be happy. This situation is not sustainable. You can't share your home with the enemy. If she rejects you, she already cheated, means she dreams of being free. This is not going to last, and why would you want it to? It will be hard at first. Maybe for a long time. But eventually you'll have peace, and …
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/19 06:46 AM
1

Can't reply on the specifics concerning custody on this, but to commend you for taking this action. I second the idea of giving them a limited CC with your backing. Letting them have access to a card with a few $hundred cap can really teach them something about the power of money and self discipline. If you stress that it is for emergencies and planned purchases, you are both protecting them in case of a weird scenario (they'll have a card if they get stranded), and teaching them to plan purchas…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 10:24 PM
5

"support the life of another grown adult" you mean support the fantasy. Half a mill in student loans I was expecting to hear she is a brain surgeon. Naturopathy/homeopathy is quackery, I can't believe someone can legally sell a degree in that let alone it cost more than $5k. She also has a mortgage, kids to feed, no job, and if she were to get a job in her field she'd use it to hurt people. You can't run away fast enough from that disaster. I'm sorry to hear OP has to share custody with this thi…
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/19 10:17 PM
4

This, absolutely. In order to discard you like spoiled meat they have to do some mental gymnastics to justify they are not the asshole. So by instinct and by the poison in her ear from that new lover or maybe a bitter divorced friend, her current view of who you are and what your relationship was is pretty distorted. In a way it is best if she doesn't even want to talk about it because it saves you from having to hear all your good memories bastardized. This might change in the future once thing…
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/19 04:59 PM
2

Be relaxed. Don't rant. Don't complain. Not a shrink session, don't drop your emotions on them. let them know how you feel about things and answer when asked about your sense of direction, but keep it concise. Be ready to ask questions. Take tons of notes. No question is dumb, but don't dwell on small stuff. You can always follow up on small stuff via email and whatnot, so focus on getting a clear picture of where you are and what happens next. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/19 04:55 PM
4

> as if the past 15 years didn’t even happen Not like the it didn't happen. But she's already filed your relationship in the "past" folder. She's not going back and nothing you say will move her, she's not even listening, you might as well be speaking a different language. > Is anyone else having similar experiences Yes. Everyone who's ex-significant-other has already found a new person and decided to move on emotionally to the new relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/19 04:32 PM
1

Thank you for replying. Keep coming back to this thread/group. I don't know first hand the depth of your feelings but I know what I had to deal with and it was plenty rough, and I know yours is harder still. It's one day at a time for a long time. I think the hardest part is that it is easy to not know why you are fighting so hard to try to be in control. In your case you have this desire to have her back. I don't want to take that motivation away from you, but only to say that this is something…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/19 02:43 AM
1

> But again, I fucked up. Yeah, welcome to the club. It's called being a person. You fuck up, she fucks up, you talk it out, prop each other up, get stronger and move on to the next thing. Except she is pulling away from you. That wasn't the deal. ​ > But she is enjoying life with someone else It's most likely over. Not just from all the things that have gone wrong but the fact that she's abandoned trying and decided to move on. Relationships don't work one-way. You can't make her want to commit…
/r/Divorce_Men09/08/19 06:00 PM
3

> I feel pretty confident that I made the right decision in seeking professional 100%. A lawyer is not going to "muck things up" any more than you ask them to and let them. If you want a civil and even amicable separation you can have that. There's no reason you should forgo the experience and education of someone who knows about this stuff just to be civil. Definitely run things by your lawyer. Also very important: she's been planning this for a while. She's ahead of you by months. Her plan is …
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/19 06:06 PM
4

> the biggest thing ya'll need is to sit down and just envision a life without her, to regain your ability to see the world and go out and do whatever you want again Very true. You/me/all get used to the life you've built, and then it's a process when the rules change from under your feet. You are right in a lot of your post, thank you for saying it. It's encouraging because not being single for a long time it's something that requires adapting. Also, not to speak against your perspective but co…
/r/Divorce_Men04/08/19 05:58 AM
4

Good answers. I'll add this about the mental factor: the separation is a blow to your self esteem and how you see the world. That part needs some mending too. You are probably not quite ready to feel "normal". My advice is take care of yourself, your body. Eat well, sleep well, shed stress, and hit the gym a lot. Make a big thing about being fit. It gives you a sense of power and control because it's entirely up to you how much time you invest and how well you do. Might be tough at first but onc…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/19 04:29 PM
2

Everyone is capable of change, the problem is that most people don't change fast enough. Also, it's hard to tell people all of the most likely scenarios when they are still willing to hold on to hope. The point I was trying to make is that if there is any chance for them, a few difficult things have to happen first, but there is no chance right now. I wanted to help OP align the lingering hope with what's going on at the moment.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 03:39 PM
7

What everyone said. Find a good lawyer and prepare for a storm. Something that doesn't get talked about as often but you are getting a sense of: by the time you get the notice, this has been going on for a while. She probably has had a lawyer for a while, worked out all the angles, suffered the anxiety of the breakup and dealt with it in her head. She's several months ahead of you. Her work with her lawyer is probably several months ahead of you. Now let's talk about a "great case scenario" for …
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/19 03:30 PM
8

Don't fuck with her, and don't be overly kind to her either. You are both at a place in which you'd both do better if you create some distance. Look, she's clearly not alright. Her behavior is fucked up. There's no way she's happy. All the best tinder dates in the world are not going to make her happy. She's on a self-destruction path and you are one of the objects she's trying to drag with her. You don't need to do anything at all for her to hit her own lows and misery whenever the time is righ…
/r/Divorce_Men28/07/19 11:11 PM
8

I think you owe it to yourself to take some time first to really dig into the situation and see what's up with you and her and why you feel so distant from her. A lot about life is a matter of perspective, the romance cools down but just as it does it is possible to rekindle, etc. Not saying you can go back to the giddy early days, but what you are experiencing is not exactly unique, everyone hits this point one way or another. Even if you leave in good terms and things play out great for you (d…
/r/Divorce_Men25/07/19 02:37 AM
1

Yeah. Even if it's not a "romantic" relationship, it's not a good one. This is a story from a few years back. My wife had a shit of a friend that went through a divorce after cheating on her husband. She couldn't have enough of having my wife in her life all the time. A few years later they had a falling out and severed the relationship. My wife confided that her "friend" was on a mission to get her to leave me because I was "not good for her". It was a constant thing, and at the time my wife wa…
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/19 05:23 PM
6

Less than 6 months in from her leaving and I'm already attached to my new freedoms. There's 50 little things that you don't think about or expect and are tiny and seem unimportant until you have them back. Like when we watched TV. To have dinner together she would work on some experimental vegan dish (that would likely disappoint) and I was tasked with finding something on Netflix that WE BOTH want to watch. Difficult task after you've gone through the good stuff. So it would take me 20 mins and…
/r/Divorce_Men20/07/19 08:43 PM
4

A few points: If it's fixable, there's still time. Filing is not the end, more is still to come ​ > Our issues are correctable Only if both sides want to work on it ​ > my wife is not turning back If she's made up her mind then this is not about the last fight but about a lot more that she's had a chance to think about and decide the situation is hopeless. If she thinks the situation is hopeless, she's not going to work on it, then it is not fixable. ​ You want to do some pondering on where she …
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/19 05:23 PM
3

If you go back to my post on your previous topic, I didn't say another man, I said this: What you describe sounds like there is someone ​ I specifically left the gender out on purpose because the situation you describe here is not that rare. If your wife doesn't love you, doesn't want to be around you, and instead she wants to spend all her time with another person that makes her happy and excited about life, does it matter if it's not a physical situation? And the asexual part, obviously not kn…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 03:19 PM
2

> I know for a fact that there is no other man How? What you describe sounds like there is someone. It doesn't have to be physical but it becomes the reason she gets emboldened to discard you like rotten meat. That's what it usually sounds like. Not just complaining that things are not how she'd like, but telling you about it in the past tense, not giving you a chance to take any steps on it. That's what they say when they've been talking to some douchebag that's been whispering in her ear that …
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 05:39 AM
1

Mediation is for when you expect things to go well, with people that are reasonable and civil, and with decent expectations of a fair split. Any less than that and you want to talk to a lawyer. The further you are from that, the meaner you want your lawyer. In your case: She's been physically abusive and has been running up our credit cards for months [...] self destructive or revenge Mediation will not work. You need a lawyer to come lay down some law and sever you from this disaster. She's agr…
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/19 05:29 AM
2

I understand. I didn't say it for her. Fuck her. I said it for you. Don't dwell on this like she is cheating on you every time she goes out. Think of it more like a one-time thing: she quit on the relationship, she is no longer your spouse in principle, from there on whatever she does doesn't matter, you need to get past her and do your own thing since nothing is going to change for the better with her. So my point is don't let it hurt like she's doing it to you all over again every weekend. The…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 09:16 PM
4

This sounds terrible. But if she's already quit on you and it's out in the open that she has another person, it's no longer cheating. You are now roommates and she has her own life. Don't see it as cheating when she goes out. That's somebody that you used to know going out to go live her life. You need to focus on yourself and live yours.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/19 03:58 PM
4

Congrats man. What a horrible story, but I'm glad of how it ends. Thank you for sharing. How are the kids doing?
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/19 03:27 PM
2

This. My wife had critically low vitamin D when she went for an analysis. The doc sent her a mega dose for a few weeks but she refused to follow up beyond that. That most likely was a medical contributor to her depression. Don't fight without tools. I didn't know about the TLC thing but everything there makes sense to me from my own fight against depression. These elements helped me with my own problems: - Eat healthier: cut crap, lower carbs, add more plants (veggies, fruits, nuts) and omega 3s…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/19 01:42 PM
5

Sorry to hear. Don't want to pile it on but I bet there's more. Seems like it's often: I'm leaving because I haven't liked our situation for a while AND I already met someone I'd rather be spending my time with. Again, not saying that to pile it on but to give you some perspective. The more you know about your situation the more prepared you'll be to react to it accordingly. Also, I seem to be in the minority but from where I come from "in sickness and in health" means your spouse should be ther…
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/19 11:28 PM
6

Shitty thing to do. And even if it had been completely platonic or whatever, she had a duty to carry herself in a respectable manner to honor her commitment to you. If things had been the other way around she would have expected the same from you. Think about this. There's a girl at your work that's always around you. You tell your wife that she says she has a crush on you. Then you say "Hey, this girl has a new apartment and she wants to have me over to celebrate with her". Can you picture her …
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/19 10:10 PM
3

It's not acting against its own interest. Your mind's job is to constantly remind you of all the possibilities. You decide the course of action. If you are currently alone, your mind is doing its job of reminding you there were times that were way worth it, and you could be enjoying that again somehow. It lays that thought at your feet in hopes you'll use it and make something good happen. Don't ask me what that something is. Trying to figure it out myself. Also, the thought is not just about he…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/19 02:40 PM
5

> I’ve had dreams about her [...] I miss us from before I think at this point is your mind/body telling you it wants to have another go at a something real. You know what it was like to have something good. Your mind doesn't want to go without forever. ​ > she remembers mostly the bad We don't control what others do, only ourselves. I know you know this but it bares repeating over and over. I say it to repeat it to myself as well. ​ > I am 41 and I don’t see ever trusting another woman again Sam…
/r/Divorce_Men28/06/19 02:35 PM
1

Not an expert here, but some years are easier to predict, like after the recession there was no way but up for more than half a decade. Right now seems we are on the other end of that, the economy is too high up and artificially being kept propped up high. So it's more like we are currently in the small bubble, which as you know likes to burst. Not saying that I wouldn't not buy if the circumstances are great for you to buy. Just keep this in mind as another factor to consider, if you are thinki…
/r/Divorce_Men24/06/19 06:33 AM
2

Unrelated to your current personal situation, it might be worth waiting a bit before buying. Most economist are expecting a market dip in the next 12-18 months.
/r/Divorce_Men23/06/19 09:52 PM
6

Such pointless nasty business. Good on you for staying in the fight, and thank you for sharing.
/r/Divorce_Men20/06/19 01:56 AM
3

As someone much older than you, the #1 reason I would have given you not to marry young is that you are not done growing into your adult selves. Both you and her will continue to grow and change, and most likely will grow apart and change in ways different from each other. The promises and conversations you had before don't mean the same when you are not the same person anymore. That IMO is the main reason these relationships fail. When the stress comes around people grow apart and the divide is…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 02:27 PM
5

I want to mirror this. Your story might end in divorce but you are jumping the gun. What did you hope to achieve when you got married young? Did you not consider you'd have to learn together and figure out life together? Well this is it. Learning about boundaries, about communication and how to work together and be happy, that's literally what marriage is. You are struggling with it, as it is normal, and you are calling it quits instead of doing the work. Just keep in mind that these skills are …
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 01:51 PM
2

I read your additional details. I just wanted to go back to the wording you used: > standing up for my and my children’s legitimate interests When it comes to the kid's legitimate interest there's no compromise. Don't let some out-of-line bickering hurt their interests when you are there to protect them. You did add more context but it's important to have it said going back to the basics. And in that same vein, you want to be mindful of the precedent being set. For instance, if you always fold w…
/r/Divorce_Men19/06/19 01:20 PM
1

Don't take the bait. Every time you act on impulse she gets a win. She'll try to make this painful when she knows she's driving you crazy, you are supposed to be driven to the limit, act out and look like the crazy one for the records. Don't take the bait. If you are really upset work with your lawyer to plan a stronger more aggressive strategy and follow the plan. Remember this: when you keep your cool and refuse to take the bait, she loses long-term which is what counts.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 07:41 PM
2

It's natural to idealize your first love. Back when you had no idea what you were doing and had no cynicism to how the world works. The mind goes there because those were simpler, happy and seemingly pure times. But if you could look closer you'd realize you are looking at just some form of grass and your longing mind is playing tricks on you to think it was greener. > I haven't been in a serious relationship since Do you want to be? Don't make the mistake of thinking things just have to magical…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 07:23 PM
1

Yes. And either decide she's the one and fix the relationship to get her back, or you have to work on letting her go, and until you do you will keep thinking about her. > She still wants to be friends Nope. You can't be friends with her. This is when you can be friends: when you've moved on, loved someone else, got remarried maybe have children and are happy and comfortable with yourself. Sooner than that and you can't be friends with her. You can be obsessed with her, and in pain, and miserable…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 07:17 PM
2

This. Start with the first easy step. Consult a few layers and they will give you a picture of your options. Find a lawyer that makes you comfortable and that makes you feel that you can let them take the reigns. Ultimately what happens next is your call, but once you have the support of a good lawyer you'll be ok from there on moving forward. Also I would recommend you take steps to see a therapist. You don't have to commit to a long term engagement but even having one or two sessions will help…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/19 05:46 PM
1

It is very hard to look at your failings/demons in the eye and decide to tackle them. You keep saying to her you need her to reach the next level of adulthood, and she's saying she is not ready. The therapist is probably enabling it too. So she's going to give you resistance, look like she's not willing to own up to her side or even try. But read between the lines because I'd bet inside she wants to be some version of the person you want her to be, she just can't see a path and thus pushes back.…
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/19 03:14 AM
1

I didn't have kids but my wife was very nice to me for many years. We had our problems, mostly financial stress and a dead bedroom, but I had a partner, a friend and someone kind that was always there for me. She was depressed. Couldn't get past it. Eventually she decided things would not get better, she started seeing someone else. She would have been a great mother. I hope she does have children some day. I'm not saying everyone is supposed to get a great partner for life. I'm struggling with …
/r/Divorce_Men17/06/19 03:00 AM
1

I think you are confusing a human being with a car. Cars can't be wonderful mothers to your children for a lifetime. Or help me understand how that works out in your math.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 11:33 PM
0

A bit simple and bitter, no? This is a woman in her 30s that has been his partner for 11 years, not some bimbo toy he found at a college bar last week.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 11:08 PM
2

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's not as bad as most but when it comes to separation it is all always bad and painful. People fall into the roles over time. Specially in your situation you came in further ahead so you could handle the finances and take her and probably gave her some room to develop as a person since she had so much growth to do as basically a kid. But that means over time she learned to rely on you for everything and hasn't quite learned what it is to be a complete ad…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 11:05 PM
2

Not an expert but I have gone through enough pain to do some learning. Usually in these situations there's plenty at fault on both sides. One of the young fallacies of marriage is that things will magically work out and that people are supposed to be perfect. The first thing everyone needs to learn is that marriage requires work and dedication. Things are constantly changing, and ideally you are both growing. Nothing stays static. Life changes, work circumstances, people die around you, the poli…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 10:42 PM
1

I'm going to point out something that is not often talked about in this area. Your wife is struggling with her mental sanity, clearly depressed. If she cheated on you or quit the relationship I could get completely behind a separation. Other than being mentally unhealthily, has she abandoned her vows? And what were the vows about dealing with sickness? I agree the current situation is clearly untenable. But she's never going to go on in life until she's healed. You can fight her and abandon her …
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/19 09:17 AM
2

Not to ignore your question but you already got good replies. Can we address the unhappiness? What's going on that you are so miserable this early? You might be at a place to salvage things although it doesn't sound that way right now. But you chose each other for a reason. What happened? And what have you tried? I would recommend that you have an open conversation about what the 2 of you want out of life, and how you see being happy together and what steps to take to get there. Use that to gain…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 10:51 AM
5

I learned the hard way, about a decade ago through a death and inheritance, what "family" will do when they feel cornered and there's money in the pot. Add to that emotional instability from a separation, bitterness, anger and despair, and you have a recipe to see the bottom worst in people. She's cornered and she's going for dark tactics. Don't be too surprised at what any creature does when pushed beyond their limits. Don't take her antics too personally, don't take the bait. It just shows she…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 10:44 AM
1

Maybe it will be tough financially. But the fact that she also earns an income means you probably have less of a burden to support her, plus your eldest is only a minor for a few more months. In short, don't guess at this. Take the first step and start doing consultations with strong lawyers. Find one that fits your style and can have your back when you are not naturally willing to press hard. Ultimately the course of action is your choice, but you are blinded by this situation so you need someo…
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/19 03:54 AM
1

Sounds like I'm reading a letter from prison. I don't mean to make light of your situation, but to call out that it seems this situation has been out of control for years. You kinda got used to it by being stuck inside. Get out. There's no way someone who lost respect for you years ago is suddenly going to change course. I understand trying to stay for the kids but this situation was too far in a bad spot already. IMO when things are nasty you are not doing the kids any favors by trying to hold …
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/19 10:36 AM
1

It's funny, John Wooden defined success as having tried your best and thus going home with a feeling of satisfaction regardless of the outcome. I came up with the same definition on my own a while back, so we have that in common. Like him, I use this knowledge as a tool to try to help the people around me. We need this definition of success more than ever in these times of stress, pain and anxiety. But knowing is not enough. I think I've reached the point at which I actually believe it in my hea…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/19 08:13 PM
4

It's painful how much your situation reminds me of mine. Not the same exact circumstances but a very similar dance. I'm not an expert but your case is quite familiar and I can tell you straight on it's well over and you need to let go asap. Having feelings for her at this point is like gripping a knife by the blade and it leads nowhere. Just delaying you from starting the next chapter of your life. She's 100% never coming back, she's determined the 2 of you are not meant for each other and she's…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/19 01:56 AM
1

This is my honest best opinion. Any money you spend to have solid counsel at this point will probably pay for itself. You might be able to navigate the mess the is a separation on your own, but why wing it? In 10 years time you'll never look back at having spent some money on a lawyer as a bad expense, you won't even remember it. But if something goes wrong now and you don't have an expert in your corner, you may be regretting it for decades. At the bear minimum hire someone for a couple consult…
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/19 01:39 AM
1

Even if you go with mediation, start by having a strong lawyer that will inform you, help you set the direction, and be there if things go poorly. Mediation is for clean and reasonable separations, but if that fails you don't want to be left hanging. Even if mediation succeeds, you want to have clear guidance on what to expect and how to go about it from your lawyer. Best be prepared.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/19 05:08 PM
1

If you are planning to attend without your lawyer, you might want to do a prep session with your lawyer to help you set perspective before you go to mediation. Just to go over the keypoints and get you centered right. Sounding informed, maintaining a cool head and keeping focus on your goals is worth the preparation.
/r/Divorce_Men12/06/19 03:59 AM
1

Learning a bit more so you can understand can help you process your feelings. I don't know what's up with her and wouldn't want to lead you with guesses, but most likely there were signs all along. But if you really had no clue then she missed the part about telling you her concerns because you were her partner and that was her duty. Sounds like she didn't give you fair warning, a chance to help her process her concerns and for you to make something happen. For me the worst part is the night tim…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/19 03:52 AM
1

Thanks for saying that. I came to these conclusions too late to have helped me in my current situation. I got there after my wife had already quit on us and started with someone else. But I believe overall this is the way and it does work. Focus on yourself. Be good to yourself, nurture your natural ambition to be more. Workout regularly and you'll feel great about your body and it also adds to your sense of discipline, which in turns empowers you to do more of other things. Get rid of all stres…
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/19 03:39 AM
2

At some point in the future she'll get past her midlife crisis and settle down. The day will come she'll feel like crap for the way she treated you, and what that did to your daughter. She may never come to apologize because what could you possibly say once it is all done, but she will come to feel it. Maybe then you can be on acquaintance terms and your daughter can learn to forgive her. But clearly right now she's a wrecking ball best kept at bay. Good luck.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 08:37 PM
2

Who doesn't want to have their shit together? Who doesn't want to be on point, fit, charismatic, great job, great sex life, etc. It's selfish when your partner thinks that you are not at your best, and they think you are letting them down, then they think they deserve better and should start looking elsewhere. Where in the process did they think: this is my partner and I need to help them get their stuff together. My wife saw me like this. She had plenty of stuff to fix in herself, way more than…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 08:20 PM
1

I don't care this thing is a bot, give it to it hard whenever it rears its stupid metal head.
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 10:25 AM
1

Dude you gotta get past her before you can have any relationship. Women feel the vibe and you are giving off this miserable vibe of being wrapped around someone's finger feeling awkward and stuck. You are not going to form a relationship of any kind like that, and even women looking for a fun time are not going to be drawn to you if you yourself are not ready to have any fun while you insist on staying miserable. I'm not saying it is easy. I've been there before. My girlfriend before my current …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 10:18 AM
1

Don't push any legal remedies until you've spoken with the right kind of lawyer. Any proceeding can backfire since she will continue to claim her lies, and at many points it becomes word against word. I'm not saying you are going down for this false accusation, but definitely take it seriously and defend yourself properly. On the flip side, once it is established that she made it up (if you can come to establish it at some point), she'll be in a tough spot, potentially facing jail time of her ow…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 10:02 AM
2

Sounds like she went down the deep end with a midlife crisis. Sometimes it hits like a hurricane and there's nothing you can do but weather the storm. What were you going to do. If she had told you "hey, I'm half losing my mind and I'm going to start doing crazy sht because something is broken in me, I feel empty inside and self destructive" what on earth were you going to do to change that situation? You will totally meet someone else. There's a ton of people out there. A ton. You are not the o…
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 09:52 AM
1

I knew the relationship was bad and I was trying hard to fix it. I put it on my shoulders like it's on me to do the work for both of us. I was working on myself and giving her space. When we finally had the talk and she told me she was done, what I felt the most was a tremendous sense of guilt, for not doing more/better, for all the things I thought were on me. But come to think of it, I wasn't too broken up about losing the crappy relationship we had. I mean it hurts, to lose your partner, but …
/r/Divorce_Men07/06/19 09:36 AM
4

I'm not breaking this to you, you know it already and people have said it before. At 22 you are barely an adult. Both of you are still developing your personalities, who you will be, how to deal with life, how to be a good partner to each other. You did not fail her anymore than she failed you. You could have been more perceptive to see she wanted more attention, you could have tried harder to give her more of your time. What about her? If she felt she needed more she could have said it, she cou…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/19 07:20 AM
2

A lot of your concerns actually stuff that will sort itself out. When the time is right you'll find someone else, it just happens. As long as you are open and you seem like the kind of person that will be, you will probably find someone special way sooner than you think and perhaps even sooner than you are ready. You might run into someone that gives you great comfort and feels great having around your kids, gives you a sense of stability and that you could be a family again sooner than expected…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 06:17 PM
3

I'm a liberal progressive, and I would say her actions are not "feminism" they are BS. It's one thing for her to want more out of her man, but how she goes about it matters more. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest supporter not your torturess. I've seen it myself on a friends couple, she made good money so she walked on clouds, and her husband, that was in a transition period, to her had to be a worthless pest. She treated him like crap, made him feel small. The dude is great person, ki…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 07:56 AM
2

I don't have any practical experience with your situation but I'll say this: You know that this process is hell on you, it's also hell on your kids. Every person takes adversity in a different way. Don't give up on your daughter, don't judge her harshly and don't let yourself feel too hurt by her behavior. She is trying to process this storm and she has even fewer coping skills than you do, and you know how hard the hit is. My bet is she comes out of this sooner or later, and she'll be deeply th…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 07:30 AM
5

It's about a year since I've known. I can't say I have all the wisdom needed, but I can tell you where I'm at. If she tells you her passion is gone, and she is now invested in someone else, then you don't have any more options on that front. Even in the crazy scenario that you decided to give her time and wait it out, it would be a very long time for her to complete her cycle of trying out feelings for someone else, trying out being single, wanting a new life, then realizing it didn't pan out li…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/19 07:19 AM
3

Not experienced here, just going through something related but not similar. However, it seems to me she is the one breaking the agreement. If you didn't cheat, if you didn't ask to end it, then why are you being kicked out of your life, your home, away from your children. That's BS. If she wants a change in circumstances she can leave. It's not up to you to make it easy or convenient for her to dump you and ruin your life. I'd repeat what everyone else is saying. Stay in your home, stay with you…
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/19 06:11 PM
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