Bognin Archive

Upvotes	Title	Category	Author	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
7	Trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person is unrealistic. It’s a foreign language to them. Try as you might, they simply can’t understand your attempts to be fair, they assume you are playing them somehow because that’s what they would do.		Bognin	/r/Divorce_Men	17/02/19 08:25 PM
6	Having sex fantasies about my X		Bognin	/r/Divorce_Men	19/04/19 04:32 PM

Upvotes	Comment on	Subreddit	Date (UTC)
12	Help understanding why men get married In my case I had some notion that it would be better for the child if we were married. Total stupidity.	/r/Divorce_Men	03/04/19 08:09 PM
2	Mistake 1 Not Deleting my hidden email account 2 Leaving the Family home to clear my head 3 Not grabbing my safety deposit box key before leaving 4 Not getting the wife to sign an agreement about shared custody and access before I left	/r/Divorce_Men	01/04/19 05:02 AM
3	Working out custody and child support If you're managing things outside of court, and then things break down and go to court, the legal fees you will both pay will far outstirp the support money you are talking about, and none of that money goes to the kids or your households, it goes to lawyers. Just to give you a rundown on costs, it's $4-5k each for conferences, $15k each for Motion's and $50-500k each for a trial. If those numbers sound insane to you, it's because they are, and lawyers prey on people who can't get along and stok…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/02/19 02:39 PM
3	Going back for 50%. Wish me luck! Your supporting evidence has to be really specific, Dates and times. Can't bee general or include statements like Never or Always.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/02/19 12:29 AM
4	How long did it take you to grief the divorce? I have been to 4 sessions of therapy, and I'm surprised how little they actually say. They just help guide the ranting and keep it flowing till there is nothing more to say or time runs out. It really does help because you really can't share these things with friends, family and kids. They often get very upset so it's good to have a professional to confide in privately.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/19 06:12 PM
1	How long did it take you to grief the divorce? About 18 months bro. I know this bc I had a dream the other night where we were still friends, and it reminded me of the good times we used to have before she went crazy. It helped me get past sadness, regret and anger. So I feel like I'm officially over it now and have moved on.	/r/Divorce_Men	19/02/19 06:09 PM
1	Trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person is unrealistic. It’s a foreign language to them. Try as you might, they simply can’t understand your attempts to be fair, they assume you are playing them somehow because that’s what they would do. Still, that does not mean that we should stop being reasonable. We have to stick to our guns and wear them down.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/19 02:07 PM
1	Trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person is unrealistic. It’s a foreign language to them. Try as you might, they simply can’t understand your attempts to be fair, they assume you are playing them somehow because that’s what they would do. I’m not sure what country or jurisdiction you are in, but my personal recommendation is to be self represented officially, but have a legal professional prepare your court documents. Lawyers are parasites that drive up conflict. The legal assistant that I have does not speak on my behalf in our everyday affairs, she does speak for me in court. It’s saving me a ton of money I don’t have. Judges don’t like talking to a party directly and penalize you for that. Lawyers draw things out for their own…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/19 01:19 AM
2	Trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person is unrealistic. It’s a foreign language to them. Try as you might, they simply can’t understand your attempts to be fair, they assume you are playing them somehow because that’s what they would do. I had a dream last night where me and my X wife, (the way she used to be) were at the beach, having fun like old times. It’s like I was visiting a parallel universe where she did not go crazy. I was very sad when I woke up and remembered the cold crazy ice bitch she is now.	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/19 12:47 AM
1	Trying to be reasonable with an unreasonable person is unrealistic. It’s a foreign language to them. Try as you might, they simply can’t understand your attempts to be fair, they assume you are playing them somehow because that’s what they would do. It’s not healthy for the kids, so much contempt in the house. I hope you guys are close to an agreement that will let you live apart. All you can do is demonstrate how reasonable behaviour is supposed to look when dealing with the kids. It will cause her to be the outlier but drive her anger higher. And time does not heal this, I’ve been in court 18 months now with no sign of a settlement despite my many reasonable offers to settle. She is paying the price in court. A judge can tell pretty quick…	/r/Divorce_Men	18/02/19 12:12 AM
2	Helpless I'll give you some wisdom on miscarriage. The baby had a developmental problem that prevented it from surviving the term. It's heartbreaking, but definitely for the best that babies that don't make it to term are allowed to pass peacefully without causing real life disruptions. Perhaps the Mother was so broken hearted from the miscarriage that she lost her wits. If the baby had survived to term and was born with serious disability, that would have caused things going wrong in her mind to really …	/r/Divorce_Men	27/01/19 01:03 AM
7	Can you guys let know what to expect? Don't move out until you make an agreement on terms, or you will definitely be in court which sucks.	/r/Divorce_Men	08/01/19 04:09 AM
2	Considering a side hustle I know the problem too. My advice to you regarding a side hustle is that it should be something that does not provide any extra income but IS building your equity or portfolio, credentials, etc. So you could renovate a house and rent it out with no profit, you could invest sweat equity in a startup, or you could do what I’m doing and work for discount on a passion project in the role/field which you aspire to or will give you major economic benefits later. I’m suggesting that this income be some…	/r/Divorce_Men	03/01/19 08:44 PM
1	One Question for Currently Separated or Divorcing Guys. You could leave the house if you are able to get her to sign a document which spells out some important facts, that you are both agreeing to separate, that you are looking for joint custody, any support payments etc. Problem is that women are not willing to agree to things. It's important to understand that if there is conflict and claims of abuse etc, custody will not be shared, and it becomes a winner take all war that will cost you both a boatload.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/01/19 09:27 PM
2	First visit to attorney this morning. It appears that really nice 50% custody sharing is only possible when a parties are extremely non-confrontational. A judge will only award joint custody if there is no conflict or abuse reported. Sounds like in your case that's impossible. You're going for full custody because your X will make your life and the children's life a nightmare. As for recording the Mother omitting crimes, that's ok, so long as you use them to press charges. If you don't, it won't do you much good. The judge will only…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/18 09:03 PM
5	Sacrificing to keep the peace? IMO, in custody matters things don't end up being perfectly fair unless the 2 parties are remarkable and arrange it by themselves. As soon as relations become difficult, and you're going to court, you're entering a zero sum winner take all game for a time. One parent wins, and imagines that they are in control, but the real game continues, winning the hearts and minds of the kids. As they get older, it becomes their decision, so it's important for you to be the most reliable, supportive, happy D…	/r/Divorce_Men	12/12/18 03:39 PM
4	Could I actually get Custody? In short, yes there is hope. In my case, I've been able to get custody from my X after a 8 months of difficulty. The key to success in this situation is to appear to be the reasonable one, and do whatever you can to create contrast between yourself and her. Things have steadily degraded between the ex and I since the divorce. I have not been allowed to seen the older 2 kids since October, and now I am slowly being pushed out of my kids lives. Are you separated or divorced? Have you had any custo…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/12/18 03:07 AM
2	I have no empathy for my wife My stbxw is the same way. I’ve met victims of real abuse and hard times that don’t feel the need to guilt everyone about what they’ve suffered and have dealt with the issue. People who bring this up during arguments are seriously sick in the head and toxic, you have to firewall your emotions off in their presence. She only brings this up time after time because it has worked well in the past to control you.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/11/18 02:30 PM
3	Child support add-on nanny costs - California You should only agree to pay fair market price. Also this cahoots theory is pretty out there paranoid really. If she actually did that, you'd be thanking your lucky stars because it will look so bad in court if she says she paid the nanny $50 per hour and the nanny admits she only made $20. Also the nanny would be on the hook for the extra income tax. It's kind of a crazy idea bro.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/11/18 08:42 PM
3	Child support add-on nanny costs - California You don't pay anything to her until you get a receipt or a copy of a contract from her or a court order to do so. 2 separate businesses would want to see some paperwork on the expense for records and taxes. Divorced parents are no different. Trust but verify, you never have to believe what another party says, only what they can show and prove. If people could always be taken at their word, there would be no need for a court system. It exists on the premise that people are liars and must prove ev…	/r/Divorce_Men	28/11/18 06:46 PM
3	Eww Divorce is the ultimate in short term pain for long term gain.	/r/Divorce_Men	28/11/18 06:24 PM
1	Need help in Canada Maybe you read my message already, but a lawyer is not going to recommend that you do things that will hurt their ability to get paid. So a lawyer might not advise you to quit your job and foreclose because how do they get paid? But I will recommend that as an option because it's devastating blow to her, especially if the kid is with you. A court ordered eviction takes like 4-6 months and you could have another option by then. I am finding that whenever I speak to a financial situation about my …	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/18 03:37 PM
1	Need help in Canada Lawyers are important, but they often don't provide the right answers, they are usually very self serving and withhold some very helpful bits of information because they don't want their client to know the whole picture or what's their job.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/18 03:34 PM
2	Need help, don’t know where to start, don’t wanna loose my kid. So basically I’m 20 years old , turn 21 March 10 . My baby momma is fucking crazy. We had a kid 10/13/17. We got married 03/10/17 (biggest mistake of my life). I’ve just recently broke up with her back maybe 4 months ago and I have not taken legal action cause I don’t know what to do. If you've been out of the family home for 4 months, you left the home and basically relinquished your custodial rights to the child. The only way to win custody of the child back at this point will be if the Mother…	/r/Divorce_Men	22/11/18 03:08 PM
2	Need help in Canada I can give you the name of a very talented legal adviser who is better than a lawyer. look at http://familylawalacarte.ca/ and talk to Lisa. You will pay a few hundred bucks to get a very solid set of advice. A lawyer In take will cost thousands. She would give you good advice for cheap. She is Ontario based but still. Careful talking to actual lawyers because they are basically thieves and will give you advice to benefit themselves. seriously, one option is to just go completely tits up right n…	/r/Divorce_Men	20/11/18 02:39 PM
3	Here I am again at a bar killing time to go home, hopefully shes asleep when I get home. I come here after a long day at work to kill time, I cant stand going home and interacting with her. Shes terrible. All we do is argue. I hate my home life. I want out! A year after our separation, I’m glad to read this, reminds me of why we had to split.	/r/Divorce_Men	20/10/18 02:52 AM
6	Going to discernment counseling with wife tomorrow. Need advice. Dude, watch out of a big head fake, she convinces you to leave the house with just a verbal agreement, and then has the locks changed and claims abuse. Then you’re fucked and will pay tens of thousands in legal fees just to see your kids again.	/r/Divorce_Men	22/08/18 08:59 PM
2	The end is (possibly) nigh! If you can’t live with a little distance between yourself and the kids, it makes you easily controlled. If you can live with your spouse some more and you know the divorce is happening, try to get your spouse to sign a document that talks about why the split is happening and an agreement on a schedule for move-out. We did not do that, and sadly things are very contentious and we’ve spent tens of thousands in court costs. Don’t be us, come to terms with it and be there for the kids. They will hea…	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/18 05:26 PM
2	Just signed divorce papers. She’s awoken the devil in me and I promised myself I’d never be that guy again. She threw all my stuff in the garage last night and forced my hand at coming to get it. Was 2 hours late to the notary. My anger is getting the best of me right now. I’ve discovered a very powerful maneuver in Family court. It’s been used on me and I’ve used it. The idea is to do things that are not illegal and will not anger a judge, but will anger the other party and hopefully cause them to do something stupid. This is the #1 reason that even if you’re self representing, always have someone speak for you in court so that you can’t be lured into doing or saying things that will hurt your case.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/08/18 05:21 PM
3	28 year old dad to two beautiful girls in the beginnings of divorce. Yup. I left the home, to end the conflict. Luckily I have explained this to child services and they agree that I did the right thing to protect the children from harm. But I’m $20k in the whole for legal fees because I did not get her request for divorce in writing before leaving.	/r/Divorce_Men	30/12/17 05:56 PM
3	Attorney fees and what to expect? I think she is getting some kid of legal aid, her lawyer was terrible as a trial lawyer, had bad hair, and nervous ticks, was ill prepared, probably due to my wife’s craziness. My lawyer is fierce and wears about $30,000 in diamonds on her hands and wrist. She’s a lawyers lawyer, and she killed.	/r/Divorce_Men	04/11/17 12:50 PM
1	How did you know it was over...I don't really feel anything at all. You should be concerned that she does want to divorce but like my wife is waiting till she has some dirt. I realize now that the last few weeks of my marriage, she was setting me up for a fall.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/11/17 12:31 PM
2	Attorney fees and what to expect? I am 13.5 k in the hole, just to make my application for custody l, but I chose an expensive lawyer because my wife is making false claims and gone full crazy on me. We have our first hearing Friday, lawyer is $2000 for just that day! I will have to find someone cheaper.	/r/Divorce_Men	02/11/17 12:28 PM