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Comprehensive_Bath_7 Archive

View 9 posts and 48 comments by Comprehensive_Bath_7 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

Yeah the agreement says 50% but my daughter chooses to stay with her and barely wants to see me, so she’d probably use that…
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 07:04 AM
1

UPDATE on this post: It turns out my lawyer said the 50% of my 401k she’s entitled to should be based on the date of separation (July 2023), not on date the agreement was signed (Dec 2023) or divorce was finalized (Feb 2024). If this is confirmed, my 401k balance back in July 2023 was only 36k, which makes her entitle to 18k instead. On top of that, of course she would still have to pay all the fees and penalty + taxes in case she wants to cash out her 401k after. CONCLUSION: her initial 15k buy…
/r/Divorce_Men06/10/24 08:51 AM
1

I just need to find out if this a deal worth taking, because if it is, then the first thing I’d do is to file the change with the court. Once ratified by the judge, only then is that I would give her the money.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:24 PM
2

Lawyer said you can file for a change to the agreement if both agree and sign.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:18 PM
1

I would do that, but with all the alimony and child support I already have to pay on a monthly basis (almost $3k a month), I can’t afford committing to any other loans or payments now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:16 PM
1

Yes thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:12 PM
1

Yeah I am not planning on giving her legal advice. I’m just trying to decide whether or not taking the 15k buyout is a good deal for me or not. Exclusively thinking what’s best for me is all :)
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:10 PM
1

Yeah it seems you’re right. Just found this: Tax considerations Distributions made under a QDRO are typically not subject to the additional tax for early withdrawal. However, the receiving spouse will still owe federal and state income taxes on the distribution. So I guess it would be reported as income when she does her taxes next year. I wonder why she is offering me this deal thou… there must be a catch…? Maybe she would owe too much tax next year? Or lose government benefits with more income…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 11:03 PM
1

I mean, I thought she would be able to transfer her 50% from my 401k to her own 401k account, but if she wanted to early withdrawal it after that, then the penalty would be applicable, wouldn’t it?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 10:57 PM
2

This is great, and true. But it is also true that this is not a linear process. Imagine like a star shape with six points (some say the stages of grief are actually 6, but it doesn’t matter), so you go from any of those points to any other without an order during the grieving process. What that means is that you could be in acceptance and feeling good one day, and the next day you’re all of a sudden in shock stage again! The thing is - don’t let this fool you! You ARE making progress! Everyday c…
/r/Divorce_Men25/06/24 05:42 AM
3

Multiply that by 32 years together!
/r/Divorce_Men21/06/24 12:25 AM
2

Oh man… this is great. Happy for you. I just sold our house and just moved into a rental apartment 2 weeks ago. I feel like I’m in survival mode - not processing nor grieving because of all the things that must get done/figured out now with new house/unpacking/getting new stuff, work that never stops, kids, etc. so I can’t allow myself to grieve until all these things settle. Eventually, I know I will settle and be able to grieve so I can turn the page and start becoming that new person - much m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/24 09:24 PM
3

Reading this is great because in the midst of so much distress it is very comforting to know there are so many other men going through the same stuff. We are not alone! You are not alone! Holidays are the worst time for me right now. While people are partying, celebrating, and getting together, I am grieving my losses and trying to pick up the pieces. Thanks for this message!
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/23 02:42 AM
2

Is it really you who needs changing?? I’ve never seen a marriage where there’s only one side that needs to change? Does she mean change or comply? Is she willing to change too? It always takes two, my friend, for a marriage to get to that point…
/r/Divorce_Men09/12/23 03:23 AM
1

Thanks! I’m ok with child support though. What do you mean exactly by putting provisions about unmodifiable spousal support. What would those provisions be?
/r/Divorce_Men02/12/23 01:15 AM
2

So if this is not allowed and you all of a sudden find a job that pays double as much, and your ex finds out, does that mean she can ask for more money?? I’m wondering if they can ask for a reassessment on the spousal support if they find out you’re making more money or only is it only if her finances change or there’s an emergency situation with her or our kids… California screws you over and over on divorces, man… It’s not only half of all assets but never ending spousal support for 10+ years …
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/23 09:57 PM
1

Were you in California. Did you try to fight for it in court or didn’t even try?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 06:43 AM
1

Interesting that you have a very similar story… Did you spend $50k in lawyers? Was it just yours or hers too?
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 06:38 AM
1

And she can only get minimum wage jobs (no college, no profession, etc) which pays low, so the numbers don’t play in my favor very much when the formula deducts half of her income from 40% of mine (that’s the formula in CA).
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 02:00 AM
2

I’m actually applying the formula as if she were full time though and the amount still comes up high because I’m making decent money now
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/23 01:57 AM
2

Now I’m sending it legally to her so she’ll have to sign…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 07:20 AM
2

I just did, actually. But she is so stupid and didn’t want to sign because she doesn’t think it’s fair the debts are also community. She only wants the community assets there. Was I that stupid to marry someone like that?!
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/23 07:19 AM
1

I’m aware this is a war, and anything can happen. Thanks for the advice.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 09:32 PM
1

You sound like you’ve been hired by my wife! Geez… haha I don’t know your experience but that’s not happening to me. My kids are older and they would never forgive her for filing a restraining order against me claiming abuse. I also know she would never do that. I’m not afraid though. Maybe that could be a good thing so I can finally start my new life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 08:33 PM
0

We are trying to solve everything amicably without lawyers which neither of us can afford. I just want to make sure I don’t do or say anything wrong in case she files for early support. Or trying to understand what are the implications if I say yes or no to what she’s asking.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/23 07:07 PM
1

I’ve been separated for 6 months but still living in the same house until sales occur. So weekends are rough… the worse. As you said, week days with work and gym are easier but weekends, that’s when I have to face myself and all the feelings I’m going through. I try to keep myself as busy as I can on weekends since staying in the house with her is too heavy to take. Same situation - friends my age are married with kids so I find myself without friends that can actually hang together. Women my ag…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/23 02:12 AM
3

Or give them my phone number! Seriously, it might also have to do with your location. I live in a small town in NorCal so not many options here… Careful, man. I have a friend who is a doctor and he says most of these girls have sexual diseases and are not on birth control. One little baby and you’re done!
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:18 AM
3

Man, I’m on the same exact position… good looking guy going to the gym but I can’t find a single woman! Not even using dating apps. What app are you using? Ha
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/23 12:06 AM
1

Thanks, but you’ll to explain this better…. If I make $8,400 a month and she’s entitled to 40% of my income - 50% of hers (about $1,300, and that’s already assuming the judge would be imputing her full time which she’s not because she’s under-employed right now) acc to CA laws, she’d be getting at least 2k a month, right? That’s spousal support alone without child support… Neither of us have lawyers so we’re trying to agree without involving them and going to court, but if we don’t agree we’ll h…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/23 03:08 AM
2

Very valid points… I’m actually trying to find a local lawyer but man! It’s been so hard. All lawyers are busy and the cheapest one I found is $350 per hour. Just to hear his arrogance on the phone saying his price was going to go up made me want to throw up. It’s hard when you don’t have family around or people wise enough or who care enough to give you advice. Unfortunately, I lost both of my parents so in times like this I really miss them and wish they were here to help. I appreciate you res…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:52 AM
1

Man, I’m so torn. I just went with a friend and going through these options. So I realized I have a third one which is to sell the house now and gleamed my 100k equity - that way I do not have to worry about not affording the second mortgage and finding reliable renters that won’t destroy the house. And yes, I’d still have to pay spousal support BUT this friend of mine was telling me how my “future ex-wife” is going to marry fast. There’s a particular reason for that that I can’t share here whic…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 04:29 AM
1

Thanks! So if I get a loan from a joint account, will she still have to pay half even though we’re working through the divorce agreement and the divorce date was filed on the petition as August this year? As for the house, my wife is on the title but not on the loan. So I can easily keep the low interest rate if I wanted to buy her out. On the other hand, if I give her my equity and she wants to keep the house, then I’d have to figure out a way to keep my name on the deed since the only way for …
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/23 12:01 AM
1

Thanks for sharing! I’m assuming your marriage lasted 7 years, hence why you had to pay 3.5 years in spousal support, correct? Also assuming you pis that much money (8.5k a month) because you have a high income. What’s tricky in my case is that there’s no time limit. I could pay spousal support forever! Isn’t that amazing? What’s actually amazing is how you divorce someone you spent decades with just to cheer for them to find a spouse as quickly as possible right after the divorce (so you can st…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 06:33 AM
1

I do not think she will want my equity if she has to refi at 8% though, which is going to double the $ amount on the monthly payments - which she wouldn’t be able to afford. Not sure what the solution would be here… maybe we still sell the house and she gets all the cash instead (in case this is something I decide to propose - I haven’t made up my mind yet).
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:43 AM
1

Yeah, that’s a good point. I haven’t thought about those details… Thanks for the hint!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:39 AM
1

Yeah, she could rent it out entirely and that would be enough not only to cover mortgage with &1,000 left in her pocket every month. Or she could rent a couple of rooms to friends and still stay in the house (she actually mentioned that a few months ago when she asked me to leave the house before, which of course I didn’t). As for her taking over on papers, I wouldn’t be off the deed for sure until it’s fully paid off or refinanced under her name, but the lawyer told me I could still be in the l…
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/23 05:34 AM
2

Thank you very much!
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 10:52 PM
3

Fortunately, I took care of this. She started spending so much money a few months ago that I closed everything and she no longer has access to my salary or credit cards, so I'm glad I did that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:57 PM
2

Thank you! This is very helpful. My only hesitation to proceed to go to court is that she hires a lawyer (by a miracle since she doesn't have money but they might accept to wait for the money from the house sale) and for some reason the judge says I have to pay for her attorney's fees. Actually a paralegal told me that there's always a chance we go to court and the judge, seeing that she needs more legal assistance (because she pretends to be so fragile and is going to cry and also has a broken …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 08:56 PM
2

Well, if I gave her my equity she could rent it out which would fully pay for it. Also, rentals are so expensive right now that the mortgage she'd be paying is almost the same as that (only $200 more), so she might choose to stay in the house and rent out rooms to friends at $800 each (we have 2 she could rent with me and my son out of the house). I think she'd like the idea to have the "asset" all to her, which she can fall back on in case things get difficult and even sell in the near future w…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:58 PM
2

True fact. I got bad advise in this case.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:52 PM
1

She can't. She works part time at minimum wage and has ZERO money for anything (except what she's taking from me/the house).
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 07:50 PM
2

That makes a lot of sense. The thing though is that I started low (of course she said no) so I made a better offer and increased spousal + child support to $2500 a month but she said she wants at least $3k a month, which I’d never voluntarily pay. On the house, she also wants 100k for her equity but I have $20k from mom’s inheritance I used for down payment, so I wanted her to pay me back when she gets her equity (all this would be part of the agreement), but she refuses to give my inheritance m…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:44 PM
3

Exactly. If this offer is something I’d be willing to do, I’d be also asking her to not touch my 401k (which would be another 20k she’d walk away with) so I get to keep it. At this point though, I don’t even know if she’d be willing to accept the equity in exchange for spousal support… but it might be worth the try… But one thing - if I offer her that and she says “no”, then I’d be willing to fight like I’m fighting for my life on this and go through the courts of hell if I have to, but I’m not …
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:18 PM
2

Yes. I’d still have to pay for child support until my daughter is 18, but that’s it.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:11 PM
2

2, but only one is a minor (13 year old). And yes, I’d definitely have my eyes open in case she’s cohabitating with someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/23 05:08 PM
1

Thank you very much! My apologies I didn’t make one thing clear - we’ve been married in CA for 10 years because we’ve only lived here in the last 10 years. We actually got married in another country 18 years before that, but in the US/CA we’ve been together for only 10 years (were not even legally married in the US give. That we married in another country). Does these facts make any difference? My wife is also thinking the alimony is 40% of what I make (3200) - half of what she makes currently (…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:57 AM
1

Thanks! But here’s the catch - she is working, it doesn’t want to work full time. I know the goal is for her to become self-sufficient, but reinforcing that and making sure it happens is a completely different thing. How can I make my case based on the fact that she’s capable of working full time but doesn’t want to? Is this vocational assessment something I can ask for now before alimony amount is determined? On your answer #3, the precedent you’re talking about on the hardship with my son? Tha…
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/23 12:45 AM
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