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DetroiterInTX Archive

View 3 posts and 131 comments by DetroiterInTX on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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3

I totally understand the feeling, and myself was feeling “I have no idea how I can do this alone, I won’t be able to do it”, etc. My situation was different in that we were both working, and kids were 6-14. But once she was out of the house, the peace that came made life easier. That relief helped me realize that it is possible. It isn’t easy, but it is possible.
/r/Divorce_Men22/07/26 01:13 PM
3

The big difference is you have kids, so there isn’t the clean break that she was able to have. I kept pictures for them to have if they want them. Packed away until that time
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/26 01:09 PM
2

No, shared. But not having the tensions in either house helped a lot.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 03:11 AM
2

Thank you! Kids are much better, not living in the tense situation. Only one living at home now—his mom remarried 90 days after divorce finalized, and is happier too, so that makes a better place for our son. Of course I am the root of all evil in her eyes still, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 02:28 AM
2

I think my grieving was tied in with denial and fear. Things had been rough for a few years, but felt like they had been getting better, including some nice family vacations. There was close to a year from finding out about the affair and being done. 7 years later and there are still moments of grief for the break up of the family. About a year after divorce, close to 2 after separating, I met someone new. Neither of us looking for anything serious. This year we will celebrate our 4th anniversar…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/26 01:12 AM
7

She had a not-an-affair with someone from back home. As is common, I was also in survival mode. First trying to save the marriage and our family. Partly out of fear of the unknown—how to manage everything alone (reality is I was doing 80% already). Once I told her to leave, I felt a rush of calm, and could see it in the kids as well. It is very daunting after having been married for almost 2 decades, but being able to find yourself again is a worthwhile journey.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/26 11:02 PM
4

In PA you can petition for support modification when there has been a change in circumstances. The past few times doing this, I haven’t included my lawyer because the first meeting is a teleconference with mediator, who will review everything and give you how the facts translate to support, per the state. We have never had to go past that point. If you have option for mediation first, try that.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 08:43 PM
8

Yep! This narrative she is writing is to present what was happening as you being a controlling narcissist. Try to help plan and give her a relaxing time. Nope, you are controlling. But if you let her plan it out, then she is the one that has to do everything—you never contribute. As someone else said, she can be the hero…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 10:38 AM
2

And hers. Along with how much time do they spend at each of your homes.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 06:56 PM
1

Sit down with your daughter and talk with her about what she truly wants and what is actually reasonable. Personally, paying $200k towards a degree that would take more than just several years to recoup is not reasonable. But then I have 2 currently in college and one coming up… eh, no, still not reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 11:02 PM
3

A petition to modify child support can be filed anytime, however in my experience, the courts do not like getting a petition if there have been no material changes. My ex got chastised a bit about that from the mediator.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 11:48 AM
1

Alimony? Child support?
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/26 05:36 PM
1

And since she is bringing this up and was her information, there was no fraud committed on the gift, there was no fraud of you hiding it from her.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/26 08:36 PM
11

TX child support should only be factoring in your income and benefits. Your new wife’s income should not matter, nor what your other financial obligations are. Talk to your lawyer (or a lawyer) about what legally needs to be included in the response before compiling your new wife’s financials. Edit to add: Good luck, and sorry to hear you are dealing with a vindictive ex. Mine was like that for a few years, but seems to have calmed down a little finally (knock on wood).
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/26 12:44 PM
2

Not worth your energy. Focus on being dad to your kid and getting organized for the divorce. If you are in a no-fault state, it really doesn’t matter.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/26 01:57 PM
14

In my opinion, that isn’t your expense. If you were taking the kids somewhere for 2 weeks, is she be paying half of their airfare in that case? If it was to school trip or a camp, that is different.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 01:44 PM
1

Kids on my insurance (there is some credit to support), and the county sets it as she pays first $250/yr of medical costs. After that, 50/50.
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/26 12:42 AM
1

Yeah, I get that. Honestly, it sucks to be blunt.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 02:09 AM
1

Nope, not dumb at all, and yes, gets frustrating and sad when you think about that. I found remembering the great days you just had with the kids helps to get through the time they are away. They will remember all the fun they have with you too!
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/26 02:04 AM
2

Definitely consult an attorney about this. Work out a custody plan for the separation, ideally 50-50 if it is possible to do so and there are no safety concerns. This will help to create a baseline.
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 02:10 PM
4

I didn’t want my kids to think that what they were seeing was what marriage would have to be like. And within a day or 2 of my now ex leaving the house I could see they were much more relaxed.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/26 12:09 PM
8

That is NOT couples therapy. There is no need to see that therapist again—the therapist should not be taking sides (which this one clearly did). That isn’t to say they shouldn’t call out any bullshit, but they do not take sides.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 12:46 PM
2

Damn, same timing for when it happened for me. Actually had started earlier in the year, but the whole New Years thing and not being able to get a hold of her… And I was blamed as being crazy for reaching out to her mom and best friend trying to find her. It sucks and is painful. But it does improve as you get further away from it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 12:52 PM
4

Congratulations. I have found the sun to be helpful in realizing no matter how bad the divorce was, someone has it worse. And the opportunity to help others know there is light ahead.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 02:32 AM
9

First, I am really sorry to hear you are going through this! Thankfully you have your brother there to help. Second, definitely talk to your lawyer asap about this and document everything. This is a violation unless there was a ruling or order for you to vacate.
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 08:08 PM
3

First, if she makes twice what you do, sounds like there should an alimony situation in your favor. Regarding the house, whoever keeps it, needs to buy the other out for half of the equity. The next question is whose name is on the mortgage? - Yours only, no need to refinance. - Both of your names, or her name only, you will need to refinance to get the mortgage in your name and remove hers from it (unless for some reason she agrees to staying on it, which sounds highly unlikely).
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 06:18 PM
3

We did 7-7 and worked great. Argument for: less distribution for the kids. They have time to acclimate to “new” environment for the week and less impact to school.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/26 09:25 PM
2

Yikes! That really sucks. PA system does, thankfully.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:21 PM
7

How long has she been out of work, and is she actively looking for new employment? I would fully expect the judge to use imputed income based on her job history. Certainly something to discuss with your lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 01:00 PM
1

Definitely make sure you talk to someone. Get a therapist and friend to talk with. If kids, that is something to focus on, and being there for them each day, and looking forward to seeing them grow. I had a friend point out that it was a great opportunity for a reset in life. Take some time to think about what you want to do—your dreams and ambitions. You have this chance to not be told “no” to going out, travel, or taking care of yourself mentally and physically. It isn’t easy getting through i…
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 02:32 PM
5

I am assuming there are no kids in the picture. If so, that is majorly fucked up. It would certainly be tough to hold it together, and I imagine that bringing him in is that endgame—trying to make you go off the rails and do something she can leverage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 01:12 PM
1

Mine was evenly split for total year across 26 pay periods. The state understood there would be shortfalls until we got to a 3 pay period month, and there were no issues. If they take $579 out each period in a 3 pay period month, check with the domestic relations office about getting refunded the overage or adjusting the garnishment amount.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 09:28 PM
5

This is obviously a time when everyone’s situation is different. It sounds like you and your ex have an amicable situation, which is great, and this is a good opportunity to be with the kids at Christmas, which is very good for the also. I would be inclined to plan some time for it if I were in that place. In my divorce, my ex offered, but it was passive aggressively done, and things were not good between us. I respectfully declined. (Sadly, she is still fire and brimstone 7 years later).
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 01:40 PM
1

We did 7/7, and it felt like offering the kids the most stability. Despite all the challenges my ex wanted to make, this was one that we easily agreed on—transition after school Friday, give them the weekend to reset, and not impact school. Whenever work travel came up, we adjusted so the other would take the kids during that time.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/25 02:29 PM
14

My ex claimed she didn’t cheat because she loves him and was going to be with him forever on…. We were still married—it was cheating. Sheesh
/r/Divorce_Men15/12/25 06:54 PM
4

Move them to a portable drive so they aren’t popping up on your phone in a memories reel. I saved a copy of most because of my kids, but got them off my computer and phone. There were a lot of great memories, but it is also painful at times. Almost 7 years later and it feels like a lifetime ago now.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/25 01:24 PM
1

Everyone’s situation is different. It sounds like you and your stbxw are ready to move on. Not having a lot of commingled assets and no kids makes things a lot easier for sure. You shouldn’t have to pay anywhere near that amount to have the papers drawn up, and could probably try seeing an attorney together, unless you have any concerns things may change in the attitude toward the divorce being simple. I know people who have done this and taken the agreement to a lawyer for formalization, and we…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 12:02 PM
10

Got the same. She married him 90 days after our divorce was finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/25 02:46 AM
9

The only “should have done” here is exactly what you did for your own well being. Well handled.
/r/Divorce_Men01/12/25 06:23 PM
8

Something that can help with the manipulating communications is to print the email and use a black marker over everything that is not fact to the matter at hand. So you are left with “pick up the kids at 5pm” and not seeing the other bs being spewed.
/r/Divorce_Men30/11/25 04:33 AM
12

This will not end well for her in court—you cannot just up and move the kids away without an agreement or court order. Good luck, and I hope you get this corrected asap!
/r/Divorce_Men22/11/25 12:49 AM
3

Don’t hesitate to do the same for yourself. It is not easy, and it sucks. But it does get better. It takes time, but it will happen. And knowing you aren’t alone helps.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:41 AM
5

This is very tough. Be consistent and present with him. Also look in to counseling to help him process all the emotions he is going through to help insure he doesn’t blame himself.
/r/Divorce_Men21/11/25 02:31 AM
8

Dear lord… good luck keeping your sanity tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men18/11/25 02:57 AM
11

Classic narcissistic ex wife.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:48 AM
5

File a petition for modification now. As mentioned, depending on the state, it will be retroactive to when filed (this is the case in PA), but until that time, you are still needing to pay the full amount.
/r/Divorce_Men13/11/25 11:47 AM
2

Definitely split assets. She will be transferring a large amount from her 401k to yours to balance them (after factoring in balances before marriage). Regarding the house, demand the house refinanced, in her name only, by the time the final papers are signed—do not agree to staying on that mortgage at all.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 03:38 AM
10

Nope nope nope. Bad idea all around. You are liable if she doesn’t pay, and if you want to get a new place, you still have this mortgage on your credit as a liability.
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/25 03:23 PM
5

Nope, was never interested in that. Did get remarried, and we both had finalized divorces when we started seeing each other.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:47 PM
1

It doesn’t need to be each fund divided, but the total value is divided. When transferring from your account to hers (or vice versa), it was a cash movement for mine.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 05:49 PM
1

You would take yours, hers, and mutual—divide the mutual so that yours equals hers. If one is still higher after all mutual applied to the other, then funds would be moved from the higher to balance them out.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 04:31 PM
3

The total of the funds gets divided at current cash value. You can propose how it is split, or if there are other assets, propose switching those out for IRA assets. There are forms for the retirement accounts and it is actually fairly straight forward. Your STBXW will need to create an IRA account so the funds can be transferred over.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/25 04:23 PM
2

It certainly takes time, but it does get better. There will be some days that are very difficult too. Playing the what-if game only drives you crazy and doesn’t change what is happening. I try to stop myself when I recognize what I am doing. If you can focus on yourself and your own choices, rather than what she is choosing to do with her life, that will help you move forward. Hobbies and physical activity are your friend here.
/r/Divorce_Men16/09/25 02:15 PM
4

Nope. I was completely checked out by then. In regards to menopause (and perimenopause), my new wife has started going through that. We had strong sex life before as well, then I had some depression working on which slowed it some. Now she is going through meno, and it is driving her crazy because she wants to, but her body doesn’t let her.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/25 01:48 PM
2

There will be a lot of your investments passed over—add everything and split it 50/50. I would recommend using cash from investments rather than transferring 401k funds to even them up. That shouldn’t be an issue give the assets here, relatively small difference in 401ks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/25 01:54 PM
1

That is interesting being told to wait. In PA at least, the backdate of support is to the file date, so that could be leaving a bit on the table, depending on how far out the court date is.
/r/Divorce_Men28/08/25 01:01 AM
6

As you basically have full custody, file for child support. She should be paying to help support the children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:36 PM
4

6 years here, and it is in my sock drawer. I am thinking will offer to my oldest if he is interested. Taking to a jeweler will only get $1-200 if I am lucky
/r/Divorce_Men27/08/25 10:24 PM
6

6 months before separation, month before I understood what was going on (he was not local).
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 05:21 PM
12

Buh bye Felicia. Get it done and don’t let it be your problem.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/25 01:40 PM
7

My ex tried to claim she was unable to work. In child support call, the mediator shut her down by asking if she has doctor’s findings stating she is unable to work and if she is on disability. She was then assigned imputed income for her election to not be working.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/25 03:44 PM
4

Credit card debt incurred after separation/divorce is all hers. Do not accept that at all. For the house, I can see the difference in equity of the house today and when you got married being considered marital assets to divide.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 01:40 PM
7

No, don’t take that. We went alternating weeks, with the kids transitioning Friday evening after school. This gave them the weekend to adjust for the next week. That isn’t really relevant for your 1 year old, but for the 5 year old, and you, it helps reestablish the routine. My understanding is most states have 50-50 as standard. And I cannot imagine you would want to drive an hour away each Wednesday.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 10:36 PM
2

I get that! You have seen the light of being out of it, which is great. It can be a painful process, and rebuilding challenging at times, but there comes a turning point where that all goes to the past and everything feels lighter.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/25 02:56 PM
7

Sure you can. But it is good to take time to heal from the process too. I would not suggest starting to date before finalizing the divorce and living together. Edit to correct typos
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/25 03:26 PM
3

Freaking insane… I imagine you all will have a fabulous day. Enjoy!
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 02:03 PM
3

Congratulations! I hope you have the best time with your daughter! Also, good job staying honest when the ex is spewing bs. It isn’t easy at times.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/25 01:58 PM
8

Your daughter should be in same school district, vs just a nearby county… But to your question 2, if she is the one moving, she should be responsible for drop off and pick up giving you similar distance—unless this is a flight distance, which would then be the airport. You will want written in the decree that the ex, as moving party, is responsible for costs associated with your daughter’s travel. Assuming she is planning a big move, you will need to sort out the time you get with your daughter.…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/25 04:03 PM
3

Ex married her AP 90 days after our divorce was finalized. I am guessing they will stay together, and honestly, hope so, at least until our youngest graduates. Her current husband is good to the kids, and I get along better with him than my ex
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 08:44 PM
2

I took time to go to gym, read, work on projects, take some drives exploring, and such. Things that help you connect back with yourself to recharge and recenter. Talking with a therapist was very helpful too, for me. I felt more self assured and confident, as well as finding who I was. After 17 years married, it had been a long time since being my own self, so I needed to figure out who that was. I will also add, after all the stuff my now ex had been telling me, regaining self-confidence was hu…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 03:13 AM
2

It sucks for sure! Make time for yourself when the kids are with their mom, which will help you focus on the kids when they are with their mom. There is a lot of support that can be found in this group. I know going through my divorce was a low point for me, but 5 years on, life is so much better. Best of luck through this, you can do it.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:59 AM
2

There may be some pitfall (I am not a lawyer), but I think there is upside potential of working together and coparenting. Starting a fair and agreeable custody plan now can help the kids adjust and remove a fair bit of lawyer time spent trying to get an agreement for one.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 12:05 AM
5

Congratulations. The realization that we CAN live, and thrive, without our exes is the moment when a freedom is realized and moving forward can begin. I still remember the brightness of that day.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 04:40 PM
1

Sorry for all that you have had to deal with, that certainly isn’t easy. I stuck in my marriage longer than I should have out of fear. As you, one part was financial. It was expensive going through the divorce and having child support (needed to relocate for work) has made it financially tighter. But, it does get better, and the weight I felt lifted once we separated made me feel like a new man. Like the adage goes, why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 03:23 AM
1

Same here. Mine was remarried 90 days after papers signed. One would think she would want to move on, but apparently not.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/24 02:56 PM
2

4 years after finalized…. Live my kids, but sadly keeps us in contact
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 03:51 AM
10

My regret is thinking that giving more would help things be amicable. Nope, 4 years later and she is still scorched earth
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:22 AM
3

Exactly! Hypocrisy is high among them
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 03:21 PM
11

She wants to be great coparents as long as you agree with everything she wants. Good luck with the process!
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/24 01:58 PM
6

Good luck! Keep calm and just stick to facts. It isn’t easy but does get better.
/r/Divorce_Men10/12/24 03:49 PM
1

In PA I was told to not change anything until after divorce finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/24 09:30 PM
2

Approach it as “stuff” and try not to be emotionally attached. We actually didn’t have arguments about the stuff, even though it wasn’t an easy divorce. For me, anything tied to her heritage, even if we got it during marriage, I let her have. In exchange, she was good with me keeping some things we had gotten that were tied to my past and hobbies.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/24 01:19 PM
1

I totally hear where you are going with this. If you can get all the agreements in writing and signed by the court, is it really worth $30k net for the drag, delays, bs, and potential for other things falling off the table? I agreed to giving more in hopes of things being easier. It wasn’t all that much easier, but probably saved $10k or so of lawyer fees.
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/24 03:17 PM
3

All these emotions are perfectly normal. And while they will ease off and pass, there is a good likelihood they will resurface, and that is ok. With time, we learn how to manage them and use them to grow.
/r/Divorce_Men13/08/24 03:04 PM
2

Thanks, and yes! Ex was remarried 90 days after divorce finalized, lol. I am great and have an amazing new partner. So nice being in a healthy relationship after that.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:35 PM
2

About 4 years ago in PA—I spent around $30k. Rate was $385. No idea what my ex spent, but I do know that when we had to go back for a custody modification, she had a new attorney because her old one wouldn’t work with her anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/24 02:03 PM
2

One thing to consider on the house—are the mortgage and HELOC in your name only? If not, you will need to refinance them to be so. Your stbxw might be open to a longer timeframe for this though, if you are agreeing to take the house and leave the other things out. While you might be able to get SS and some of her retirement/pension, there is a lot to be said about not having to give a big part of that to lawyers. Best of luck, and hope that it goes smoothly!
/r/Divorce_Men17/07/24 07:10 PM
1

We did alternating weeks. Kids would switch after school on Friday—we would take anything they needed to the other’s place before they were back from school. That was the theory anyway… kids always took bus home to my place Friday—even when they were switching to their mom’s for the week, because they preferred being at my place (I kept the home). This seemed to work well for them, ages between 8 and 15. The thought was least disruption for them, and they are settling in to new routine over week…
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:09 PM
2

Hypothetical situation—3 years down the road you are looking to move and get a new place—the mortgage to her place will still show as a debt on your credit report. Also, if she decides to say f-it in 2 years and stop paying, then the bank is going to be coming after you for payment and dinging your credit report for non-payment. Too many ways it can go sideways that outweigh the rate impact, IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 02:35 AM
3

How would that be? If there is a mortgage tied to the property, that debt offsets the current value. Only way one party is owed half the value is if the debt tied to it is split too. Or am I completely missing something here?
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 01:46 AM
2

5 years is a LONG time window for allowance to refi. I guess if you and your stbxw are on really good terms and ok with keeping finances tied together for that long, it might work, but this just sounds really bad to me.
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/24 01:44 AM
6

This has been said, but needs to be reiterated. If you are on the mortgage, require that she refinance within x days and pays you out. It doesn’t matter to the banks what your divorce decree says—if you are on the loan documents, you are also liable. You will have this as a debt you are expected to pay when you apply for a new mortgage, or any loan. Only accept the money from her, not her parents. They can give her the money and then she gives it to you if she wants to go that route.
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/24 09:42 PM
2

There are days when it feels like too much, then days when you will feel the weight lifted. The heeling process is different for everyone, but a common theme is it isn’t easy. But there is growth and improvement with each moment, even when you feel things sliding backwards. I am 5 years post divorce, and there are still times that my ex gets to me. What is different now than 4 years ago is how I can process it all and recover. To me, this is what is meant by it gets better with time. We find our…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/24 02:24 PM
3

Be aware that the bank will not “remove you” from the mortgage. She is going to have to refinance it in her name only. Have a hard deadline for this to happen, such as before divorce finalized, otherwise house gets sold. If you don’t do this, you run the risk of being tied to the mortgage and it impacting your credit.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/24 07:34 PM
3

What can backfire: when they talk to the stbxw, she smells blood in the water and doubles down.
/r/Divorce_Men29/03/24 05:02 PM
1

It is great to hear that you are seeing the mental stress of the ex fading. When my ex moved out, I immediately felt a lift of the stress of the relationship and saw that the future was going to be good. There are certainly rough days, but they get more spread out, and not as bad. It is great to focus on yourself and re-find who you are. This group was a big help in seeing that someone has been through it before, and many had it far worse, making me more grateful for each day.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:50 PM
2

Thanks, will get there. I just look at how much happier I am now.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 07:05 PM
10

Around $1mm usd. After over 4 years, still working to recover.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/24 01:54 AM
5

Call the Bank with copy of court order and request to be removed yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/24 09:27 PM
3

I removed pics from social media. Ones that are in the computer were put to a separate folder, and printed ones put in box for kids, should they want them. For me, I didn’t want them to be in front of me, but at the same time, I don’t want to take them from the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/24 09:37 PM
7

In a sense, yes. He is the one now dealing with my ex’s bs. Funny thing is he is much easier to communicate with than her.
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/24 03:44 PM
2

Because is you (or any of us) “really loved” her, she shouldn’t have to say anything and we are supposed to know exactly what she was thinking and feeling… /s
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/23 01:43 PM
1

I understand how you feel. It is certainly difficult, and emotionally draining. I won’t say it gets easier, but you learn how to adjust and restart. My advice to you for your son: be consistent. Call/text/FaceTime regularly (every day?) and be there as much as you can be. (For reference, my kids are 1200 miles away—2 are now in college and one is in middle school)
/r/Divorce_Men29/06/23 03:37 PM
3

My ex’s therapist declared me a pathological liar and narcissist. My step siblings see some of her social media still and ask me if she is bi-polar, knowing that what she posts are outright lies
/r/Divorce_Men18/06/23 10:28 PM
2

A year and a half with someone is not a revolving door relationship, so by all means the kids should meet her, and her the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/23 08:15 PM
1

I agree with you. Definitely a pick your battle thing, and if that is the only concession to avoid lawyers, worth the give IMO.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 07:41 PM
1

What is the equity being distributed? If she is arguing 60/40 on $500k equity, that is a lot different than 60/40 on $100k equity (where being able to not have a lawyer would be worth giving up $10k)
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:59 PM
1

What is the equity being distributed? If she is arguing 60/40 on $500k equity, that is a lot different than 60/40 on $100k equity (where being able to not have a lawyer would be worth giving up $10k)
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/23 02:59 PM
1

I refused to go on a family vacation that had been scheduled over a year before separation, and after filing. She tried to guilt me in to a very uncomfortable situation and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t go. The kids completely understood though.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 03:35 AM
1

100% agree. Even if it did though, CS could still be modified for change in income
/r/Divorce_Men02/03/23 09:43 PM
21

Agree with this. Shows kids that you respect their mother and care
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 04:51 PM
16

All depends on the relationship. Are you friends still? For me, this would be a hard no
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/23 04:01 PM
3

Luckily it hasn’t been that bad. But trying to include things like birthday present for a party, Halloween costume, etc….
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/23 02:01 PM
4

For winter, build snowman or fort (if there is snow of course), board games, movie time at home with popcorn, make pizza together, painting project (like the inexpensive bird houses from Hobby Lobby or Home Depot… Key is just being there with them.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/23 05:46 PM
2

GTFO now! And file restraining order for your protection
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/23 12:55 AM
3

When I told my ex to leave (happily she did move out) I noticed my stress and anxiety drop and the kids where much less stressed. I was slow to file as I was afraid of what all would happen. It isn’t easy but there is a new start on the other side. For me: happily married to an amazing woman and enjoying life
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/23 06:58 PM
5

Only if it will be a complete botch job 🤐
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/22 08:43 PM
2

You do not want to keep a mortgage on house that will not be yours unless you are okay with it tying up your credit and you are ok with being committed to paying it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 09:49 PM
2

She may be in violation of court orders for jot notifying you on writing (this is the case for Chester Co at least)
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:47 PM
1

I know for the county we filed in (in PA), there is requirement to notify other party of material changes to income within 10 days. My attorney advised 10% threshold for material change, but caseworker advised being more conservative. If there is reason to believe there has been a material change, file for reassessment. Be forewarned that it may not help you out… my ex started working a new job which resulted in income almost 3x the imputed income, and it didn’t change the calculations of suppor…
/r/Divorce_Men14/11/22 07:44 PM
2

I hear your point too. Flaw with the assumption that the system makes that all cs goes to the kids… I remember ex claiming that “it isn’t that expensive to feed the kids”, but now that she gets cs, that tune has changed
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 06:22 PM
1

Not sure why this doesn’t make sense. Should child support be based on what your expected average income would be over the time until kids turn 18? Make it unaffordable to pay now because assumption is you will be making 30, 40, 50% more 5-10 years down the road? That said, I am pretty convinced my ex is hiding things, as she spews bs about me not paying more despite guidelines changing this year. If she thought she would be awarded higher support, she sure as Hell would have filed for an adjust…
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 06:14 PM
2

When my ex claimed too sick to work, the mediator asked for the doctor’s assessment and why she wasn’t on disability… lol
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/22 03:55 PM
3

Bless you! That certainly isn’t easy, and you are showing love and support that will carry on for you through your daughter and grand daughter for years to come.
/r/Divorce_Men07/11/22 07:43 PM
10

Document it as assets she now possesses. When dividing assets, that all goes in her column now. If you buy new furniture, document the purchase, and that should be out of scope in asset division
/r/Divorce_Men14/10/22 07:25 PM
2

If you haven’t already, file for modification asap. That way her delays will flush out—delay 3 months and payment is modified down $300 a month, you now have a $900 credit. It backs to the date of petition, not hearing (at least in PA)
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/22 06:42 PM
1

Great when kids go to their time with mom and her bf is living with her despite not being divorced yet… lol For me, in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman.
/r/Divorce_Men20/09/22 10:28 PM
1

Middle child is senior in HS now, turns 18 before end of year. Based on history with the oldest, she will not file the paperwork that the court asks for to keep support through graduation, and the court will consider him emancipated. From my perspective, he is still in school and should be considered, so for me there is no action to take, and let the current support stand.
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 09:32 PM
7

I totally hear you. She has an affair which leads to the ending of the marriage, marries the other guy, and we are more able to deal with him than the woman we were married to…
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 09:29 PM
2

Her husband replies more (and honestly, more civIly) than she does… I believe him giving her response to me. They have one car right now at the house
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 06:48 PM
9

Yes, but not a car. Good call on Uber (in frustration hadn’t thought of that).
/r/Divorce_Men19/09/22 06:06 PM
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