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EnvironmentalRate853 Archive

View 8 posts and 218 comments by EnvironmentalRate853 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

With both legal and taxes, I do 95% of the work and have the experts (lawyer and accountant) review it
/r/Divorce_Men26/07/26 05:24 AM
2

I really appreciate that, thank you :-) I'm part way through a divorce, and I've been practicing that for when the time comes :-)
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 09:31 AM
5

Maybe have a generic conversation: “Hey kids, now that mum and dad are not together, we both might start seeing new people. I dont care what your mum does, just know that im here for you 24x7).
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/26 04:40 AM
1

I'm going through separation, but am still living with the STBX and kids. It took me weeks to document a proposal on how we would seperate wages and expenses, moving from joint accounts to own accounts. It took a lot of work on my part, but we are there. My answer to you is to agree a plan for you to have your own accounts and appropriate contribution to shared expenses. Making decisions case by case will just get tricky. Or just put it as a downpayment on a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/26 04:08 AM
12

Whatever your heart is saying, the law says differently.
/r/Divorce_Men10/07/26 08:14 PM
2

Oh dang!
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/26 03:52 AM
2

I’m going through this right now. STBXW has a long list of stuff from the house. Some things arent worth much, but high end appliances etc will cost a lot to replace. Im leaning more towards pricing from Facebook or second hard places - ie what would it cost to for the other person to replace.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 09:05 PM
2

This is the way. You took the right path :-)
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/26 07:52 PM
9

I’m just hurting for you, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men26/06/26 09:54 PM
9

So put simply, OP should keep quiet and retain the leverage over STBXW :-)
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 07:52 PM
9

Yes it is, as he now needs to determine how his 5yo is impacted. Given the majority of situations, he’s got a battle ahead of him.
/r/Divorce_Men22/06/26 03:46 AM
4

I couldn’t say this any better. This is how I felt. For years I tried to hold it together, trying to ‘prove’ we were better as a family unit, ‘fixing’ myself, doubting myself and pulling my hair out in frustration, and absorbing the lack of appreciation, acknowledge and respect. My view is that marriage is meant to be hard and challenging. We’re now on the divorce journey. I’ve come to accept she has a different view. I’m in a positive mindset for the future. I’m 50m with three young kids. I bui…
/r/Divorce_Men14/06/26 08:14 PM
5

Fake post
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 09:47 PM
1

This user has posted this post on so many forums. This ‘guy’ is a joke.
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 09:09 PM
0

I came back to post exactly that! :-)
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 06:00 PM
3

Nice!
/r/Divorce_Men11/06/26 12:17 AM
1

Thanks mate - I have this view in my head too…. I can establish my own routine and focus my energy only on the kids and me. No more investing energy in the wrong direction :-)
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 07:35 PM
3

Throw in the cost of selling and buying a new place too…
/r/Divorce_Men06/06/26 06:32 PM
2

I am looking forward to maintaining a consistent routine with the kids more than chasing new women, tbh…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 09:17 PM
2

I’d like to think I’ll be low stress. Ie kids put their shoes and uniform in the same spot every night, teeth are cleaned without fuss… Right now, we lose 15mins some mornings trying to find shoes from the day before. But I believe this is a symptom of the current house environment.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:29 PM
2

This is the way.
/r/Divorce_Men04/06/26 11:27 PM
2

Yeah, this all resonates. I reckon my planning and prioritisation skills are pretty honed. But the chores and consequences get a score of 0/10 - I have a lot of work to do in that space.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 09:42 PM
2

100% agree. We let the kids get away with very little chores. The eldest wants to mow the lawn and get paid enough to buy an iPhone. I have a lot of structure and teaching to build!!
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:37 PM
3

Yup, the hardest thing is building the routine and reducing the opposition. Right now they scream if they have to do their teeth. I’ve got a journey ahead of me, but I hope a new house and new life will provide a good reset.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:35 PM
2

Yup - the chores will be the biggest change. The kids (8-13) don’t do much and we enable that now. I need to get over my “I shouldn’t have to pay kids for helping” and go with “I either pay my kids or someone else”… Thanks man
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:34 PM
2

Yeah - it’s going to be fun alight! I’m hoping I can establish a collaborative and workable arrangement with the STBX, but she’s in denial that it’ll be easy and she won’t need help.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 08:32 PM
3

Yeah, plus significant transition and settling in years 1-2. I’m trying not to think of it as broken, just different and hopefully better than it is now. The level of future cooperation will be key, so let’s see..
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:28 AM
5

I’m not far from you. I shop, cook, meal plan, clean, finances, and half the school runs etc. plus all the repair work around the places. I think that will be easier after a while as I won’t have the extra person dynamic. Wife on the other hand thinks she can manage the 3 kids by herself the majority of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:27 AM
3

I have 13,11,8… the 13yo definitely needs to step up. I think responsibility will be the new lesson for everyone. Right now, us parents just do the majority because it’s easier than working together to create the right environment for the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:25 AM
2

They’re about the same age as my lot. I am expecting things to partly be easier without two competing/contrasting parents. But just the simple logistics is mind boggling.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 11:23 AM
1

I don’t. My folks divorced 30 years ago. Mum has only just started telling me stuff about it now that I’m going through mine.
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/26 07:09 AM
1

Funny, I was talking to mum about this last night. For context, we’re all 45-49 yo now. We’re all very different and it’s hard to separate environment and biology. I would argue that how we turned out was set in motion before our parents separated, and we chose the parent that aligned with our personalities (this is hindsight, mind you). The other two have a much closer relationship with dad than I do. And vice versa. As I go into my own divorce and custody battle, I just tell myself I need to j…
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/26 10:16 PM
8

I suspect there is an element of your son wanting to avoid accountability and perhaps some shame that he feels by not wanting to meeting your standards. Maybe your expectations were too high, maybe not. You wanted the best for your son, it sounds like he might not want the best for himself. If his mum gives him the ‘freedom’ to skip school and be a bum, it sounds like he prefers that road. My folks divorced when I was a teenager. I chose to stay with the tough mum and my brothers went with the e…
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/26 09:50 PM
4

I can’t claim it - it’s from Metallica - My Friend of Misery
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 11:27 PM
11

Just remember, the empty can rattles the most.
/r/Divorce_Men31/05/26 10:32 PM
5

Say no, then ask for everything to be put in writing
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/26 06:02 AM
1

Yeah, defo…. As they say, this too shall pass.
/r/Divorce_Men26/05/26 07:04 PM
7

And what’s worse is her family and friends cheering her on…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:57 PM
2

Yeah…. Process and strategy. Still a lot of hills and valleys on that path :-)
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:54 PM
2

Yeah, but that won’t help me though. Once we sell the home and move, that geography and parenting setup will be pretty much default. Court won’t be timely enough for that..my aim is mediation then parenting and financial orders.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/26 08:53 PM
3

In Latin: Quaedam feminae insanae sunt.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 10:59 PM
2

I wouldn’t even consider it a survivor mindset. It’s more of a ‘shit happens and I’ll move on’, with a back-beat of Count of Monte Cristo slow strategic revenge 🤣🤣🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 10:16 PM
3

I like this write up. I’m going through the process and I gravitate to this style of thinking. I’ve built a life several times over (young adult, then husband). I’ll do it post-divorce too, easy, and be better off for myself and the kids to boot.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/26 09:33 PM
3

I know! Us guys have an expectation of spending $$$ on engagement rings. There is even a metric of ratio to salary. WFT!!
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 03:44 AM
1

Just commenting to say I hear you. My STBXW argues about the process, complains when I see a mortgage broker for my future mortgage, says I’m controlling. She wants to move out into a rental with the kids without agreeing finances or parenting. You played it well, calm in the face of a wicked and violent storm. I plan to take money out of the mortgage to pay for legals. Hope you find a way forward…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 08:53 PM
1

I’m far from an expert here, but I image it’ll depend on their ages. At which point it’ll be a child safety issue. Ie leaving a 9 month year old kid alone for 10 mins is not the same as leaving a teenager home for a few hours. Whats your situation?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 10:33 AM
1

As in notice period?
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/26 10:14 AM
4

A pub lunch/dinner every now and then. Your time and attention will be worth more than anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/26 05:09 AM
1

My (49m) mid 20s were the best years of my life. If she’s opening telling you she’s talking to other guys then she is fully checked out. Take hold of your youth and have an awesome few years. I didn’t settle with my wife until my early 30s - and we have 3 awesome kids. Shes my STBXW because of all the same reasons you read here, but I am looking forward to rebooting my life. Save your struggles until you’re older, don’t waste yourself on your current.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 04:20 AM
1

lol, no way dude. I don’t think I’ve got any influence at all. It’d just rather not spend my mental capacity reading that junk 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/26 04:16 AM
2

I couldn’t say this any more clearly.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 03:03 AM
11

I have been in and out of those forums. They drive me insane with their lack of accountability and rationality. I have to remove myself for weeks at a time to calm my nervous system
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/26 01:41 AM
1

There are plenty of bad men ready to go :-)
/r/Divorce_Men14/05/26 06:51 AM
3

I am there right now. Married 13 years, 3 kids, rocky marriage for a few years, more or less separated for 12 months (not legally seperated) but still co-living with a relatively healthy family routine. I fought to save the marriage for a few years, for the kids, but eventually came to realise STBXW was not going to change. This has dragged because there are no catastrophic drivers (abuse, infidelity etc). I've gone through my own personal journey. Understanding and changing myself, which has al…
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/26 05:05 AM
5

I have a mediator lined up, hoping to keep it that way. I also have a lawyer paid for to hopefully just check the paperwork, or if needed, take this all to court. As they say, hope for the best, plan for the worst.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 08:44 PM
11

Yup. We have two cars - an older one that I drive and a brand new car we had to buy (and continually upgrade) for the “safety” of her and the kids. One day on a trip we had to swap cars. The kids wanted to go with her in my older car. I tried to get them into the new car with me. She presented that to her shrink as me being controlling, and the shrink agreed. Second, I work full time. She books and plans the holidays with the kids. I pay for the holiday, fuel, accomodation etc. I’ll drive up and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 09:02 AM
7

We’re preparing our house for sale. It’s so liberating dumping all the crap into ‘her boxes’ and binning the rest. I’m yellow-rocking. Bright and congenial on the outside, but calm as dark grey seas on the inside. I’ve never felt better. I’m like forward to my v4.0 life. The major shift for me is seeing divorce as a healthy renewal rather than a failure or broken family.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/26 02:14 AM
7

OP would be getting more than most of us 🤣🤣
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 08:41 PM
5

I like your explanation of building your new life in parallel with sorting the divorce out. Fully agree!
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 09:40 AM
1

Not divorced yet, but going through the motions. Other people are not our priorities at the moment. And I don't plan on complicating things with a third person anytime soon.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:35 AM
11

I love this post. Thanks for asking it! The most positive thing for me is not seeing divorce in a negative light. It's not a 'failed marriage'. It's not a 'broken home'. It's a fresh start with different challenges, but an opportunity to put myself and my kids first. I'm looking forward not having to invest my energy or money into the STBXW. Peace and control over my own time and life.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/26 02:33 AM
1

Yeah… “I don’t want you in my life but give me all your money”. Usual story….
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 08:48 PM
1

Harsh, but on point
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 09:50 AM
1

Calm is ok…. I’m working through divorce with STBXW. We are still living together and have 3 kids under 14 yo. There is a lot to sort out but we’re working though it. I still make her cups of tea and she still tells me I’m doing things wrong. It’s great that you’re working though things without a lot of hassle.
/r/Divorce_Men05/05/26 01:07 AM
2

My wife says no or rejects sensible and practical arrangements relating to our impending divorce. I put it down to it not being part of her ‘emotional vision’. These days I lay out the process I plan to follow to execute the divorce she wants and ignore anything she says.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 09:32 PM
11

Just changing life expectations, I guess. I worked hard to provide for the family. She liked the idea of working less to be there for the kids. She saw my work as being fun while she carried the real load. I resented having to do a lot of the domestic load on top of working. She complained I wasn’t doing enough, I complained she was not appreciative. I was tired and exhausted, so I was angry. She went to mum mode to ‘protect” the kids. We were not aligned on financial management. I wanted to pay…
/r/Divorce_Men03/05/26 09:17 PM
5

You’ve almost written my story. STBXW wants 65% kids and to live where she wants. I have mediation coming up which hopefully will settle things. Btw - ex-SA’r here but in QLD. I’m having a Coopers for us both!
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 07:10 AM
9

My STBXW has asked me to move out several times. I said nah. We’re still living together…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/26 02:31 AM
2

chuckles
/r/Divorce_Men30/04/26 07:50 AM
3

To be fair, I feel OP’s pain. Some other guy is buying his kids’ affection. I’d be pissed too…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/26 02:52 AM
2

I get the “money isn’t everything, it doesn’t buy happiness” complaint. Then in the same breath I get asked why the credit card I’d maxed out. It’s insane!
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 02:53 AM
9

I feel ya. My work was an issue. My sport was an issue. My computer games was an issue. My behaviour was an issue. My lack of embracing her country lifestyle dream was an issue. We're in early stages of divorce - I can't wait to stop tip-toeing around my hobbies.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 12:29 AM
6

"Look it up". I swear this phrase annoys me more than the kids 'skibbidi' trope. Fine, if you don't like the Guardian, you find the same findings in other sources: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/324512131_Gender_Differences_in_the_Consequences_of_Divorce_A_Study_of_Multiple_Outcomes https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/when_is_divorce_good_for_women https://aifs.gov.au/all-research/research-reports/financial-living-standards-after-divorce https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 10:51 PM
6

There is a fair bit of research on this. It says that while women tend to be financially worse off and have a higher risk of poverty, they are more likely to report feeling liberated and happier. Women tend to leverage their social networks more. Guys will be financially better off, but much higher emotional devastation and isolation esp in the short term. They are more likely to turn to alcohol or other poor choices, exasperated by the inevitable reduced parenting. Men are more likely to get re…
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/26 09:35 PM
5

Don’t ruin your post-divorce life with more BS
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/26 02:48 AM
2

I’ve stopped expecting any kind of positive comment, recognition or even just a passing interest in what I do from the STBXW… it’s never been there and it was draining for me.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 09:18 PM
17

Sounds like she wanted divorce when it was on her terms (80/20 etc) but has now been caught in her own BS. She was ready to kick you to the curb and effectively remove your daughters from your life. She does not deserve you, and she will very likely try it again once she gets over the guilt of being caught with her affair.
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/26 08:42 PM
8

Good question. For me, possibly/likey/probally… I drank a lot during the week. It certainly contributed to my tiredness and short fuse that generally comes from poor lifestyle choices. I don’t think it made a big difference overall, as there are many other reasons why I’m divorcing now (no fidelity or money issues)…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 01:24 AM
2

lol, it’s like my Stbxw tell me I’m wrong when I state what’s on the court’s website because her friends did something different.
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/26 01:54 AM
1

Nice!
/r/Divorce_Men16/04/26 10:45 PM
6

Hey mate, Get certainty around the pregnancy. A second child, newborn at that, will change everything with regards to your splits and future child support. That will have more bearing on your arrangements than anything else.
/r/Divorce_Men08/04/26 06:25 AM
5

You don’t need her permission. See a lawyer and get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men07/04/26 08:44 PM
2

lol…. I also got the “i talk about things too much” push back. My hard day at work? “Stop taking about it, just quit”. My sport? “I talk about it too much”. My big jobs I finish around the house? “I talk about it too much”. Her little office drama? I get 3-4 20 minute dumps about it over the week, each time I need to sit as listen with attention and the full range of emotional supportive tones. Then you get hit with “we don’t communicate anymore”.
/r/Divorce_Men05/04/26 09:52 PM
7

This is the generation of women who believe that being a mum “is the hardest job in the world”. PhD? Pfft, not hard. Laying a deck? Pfft, not hard. Moving 10m3 of garden mulch? Pfft, not hard. Cooking for three kids? OMG!! Hardest job ever!!
/r/Divorce_Men04/04/26 04:19 AM
6

Thanks for this, brother
/r/Divorce_Men02/04/26 04:22 AM
3

There are so many Facebook videos about this. All end on the premise that a women believes her time is more valuable than yours. And that scales all the way through the relationship. You are right to be uneasy about this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 09:28 PM
3

OP, I doubt you’d get a better or clearer response than this.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/26 08:09 PM
2

STBXW and I are selling our PPOR. It’s too big for a single person to upkeep (money and effort), it provides an unfair advantage to the parent staying (ie kids are tied to the house), and it prevents new beginnings, which is the whole point of divorce. The hardest thing for you is learning to deprioritise the immediate economic reasoning and focus on your long term plan. Keeping the house will just nail your feet to the ground. And don’t let her take the house on. You will end up having to subsi…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 05:28 AM
3

This ^
/r/Divorce_Men24/03/26 11:52 PM
1

I got sick of the frameworks and homework. “Map your feelings to xxx and come back next month”. Now I have a dynamic tool that allows me to vent insane frustration into it and it packs it up neatly and works with me to sort it out.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 07:46 PM
3

Therapist didn’t do anything for me. Chat GPT has been a life changer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 06:52 AM
3

I was like that for several years. I’ve now embraced the goodness that divorce will bring me. I went through a few years of trying to fix myself and save the marriage. After all, makes for sense logistically and financially, right? Especially with 3 kids. I’m currently living with STBXW, trying to prep the house and agree separation. It’s not easy, but I am fully committed in my mind that the future will be better for everyone. You’re working though the typical stages of fighting for things. You…
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/26 06:50 AM
2

I like the Facebook reel where the Adam and Eve story is used to describe a woman's ongoing disfatisfaction: Adam says to Eve, 'We have everything, we live in paradise, what more could we ever hope for?'. But Eve says, 'Well..... there is just one more thing...'.
/r/Divorce_Men19/03/26 07:40 PM
2

Beautifully written!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:33 AM
3

Our mortgage is paid off (AUD$1.6m) and we have AUD$400k in savings. House will be sold, and savings split. So far I don’t expect high lawyer fees, but by the time I buy a new house I’ll be $300-$400k in debt. But I do expect to have a financially leaner lifestyle. We don’t have spousal alimony in Australia, so child support is what i would have spent on the kids anyway. But I will no longer be subsidising for “her” car, caravan, pets, holidays, etc. Hopefully I’ll be back in the black in 5 year…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/26 05:32 AM
1

Soon to be ex wife
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 08:11 AM
1

Hey bud, I’m a bit further down the path than you, but it’s the same path. I’m in Brissy. We have 3 kids. One would think we have it all sorted - I work full time, STBXW is part time, private school, caravan, no mortgage. Marriage has been on the rocks for ages. I did every thing I could to address her vague concerns. Well, not vague - they just broad and varied. Anyway, we’re done and will proablky tell the kids tonight or this week. This will be a journey for you. You’ll go through disbelief, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/26 07:55 AM
4

The good thing about this forum is that you’ll get some solid advice for free, with no sugar coating… It seems like you want a new woman to fight your old woman? That sounds just like the Marines. Not. Dude, if you want to get back at her, max out your own life. Find your own happiness, stand on your own two feet, be your own version of better. If you have any reaction to what your wife is saying, it just feeds the beast and lands you in trouble. Find the high road and take it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/26 10:39 PM
12

I agree with the fellas in the responses… accept the dis-invite and move on with your better life.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/26 08:00 PM
1

Of all things to do right the first time, divorce is it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:56 PM
1

I like this :)
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 08:55 PM
5

Harsh, but on point.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/26 10:58 PM
2

Same for me… once I realise there was no point trying to work hard to save the marriage, I started seeing the STBXW in a whole new light. She’s still a relatively attractive woman, but her personality is ugly. We’re still co-living, so I’m smiling every day as I think of a future that gets me away from her.
/r/Divorce_Men01/03/26 07:35 PM
3

I don’t think this is appreciated enough
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/26 05:47 AM
1

That’s a great summary, and it how I’m currently going about things. It’s good to be reassured I’m on the right path. My STBXW wants to sell the house (I agree) but prior to parenting or finance orders (hell no I don’t agree). I do contracts etc at work - this is like just another day for me. Completely agree that finance is pretty much napkin work, despite nearly AUD$3m in assets and super. Thanks for the response :-)
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 08:41 PM
1

Yeah, that sounds like the way forward - We’re in the verbal discussion stage at the moment, not formally in mediation. We’re still co living and things are ‘normal’, but both keen to move this along. My lawyer will look over anything I plan to put in writing.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 08:20 PM
2

Bless you, my brother
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 05:10 AM
1

Love this!
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/26 03:06 AM
1

I use ChatGPT, but I've been using it for years. It started in earnest when.I saw a psych. He gave was using various frameworks and I just threw them into GPT instead of my head. The level of interaction and feedback I got was really good. I had originally tried to keep electronic notes but it was so static. So I started putting my notes (ie "16/2 - morning - did all the kids lunches, got yelled at for dropping ham on the floor" into GPT. I then prompted it to do a daily checkin with me, Anxiety…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 07:34 PM
1

I see AI companions being the main stay for both genders in the near future.
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 08:27 AM
2

I accidentally discovered my STBXW record of evidence against me. Every time I yelled at the kids, swore, punched a fridge. Anyone reading that would lock me up. In my head, I was just a guy trying to do everything and everything right, and drowning. That was serval years ago. I started keeping a daily journal, and behaving every day like I’d need to explain it in court. It was hard. I had to let go of basic principles and boundaries, like no longer caring if my family sat down at the dinner tab…
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 04:21 AM
1

Mine too - my mum is disappointed she can’t write an affidavit to the court on my behalf :-)
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 06:36 AM
1

The savings i currently have set aside to support my kids when they are older will be dissolved in my upcoming divorce. But hey, that’s my STBXW “putting the kids first”.
/r/Divorce_Men16/02/26 03:58 AM
2

Surely you cannot be a women if you are asking a rational question to men :-) just joking :-) glad you felt comfortable asking it. I’m 50 and in the separation phase, so no direct experience. But I believe in the Hot-Crazy matrix. Young might sound great on paper, but the right sort of fella would be attracted to a woman who is stable, self sufficient, confident with being over-zealous about it, healthy without being a gym rat. We just want normal. Trust and respect. Some appreciation. Some love…
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/26 09:21 PM
3

The video of the question is here: https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1AZ5bpgvyW/?mibextid=wwXIfr
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 08:37 PM
4

During question time in Australian parliament not long ago, Senator Whitten asked the sitting government why there is an Office for Women but not an Office for Men, especially given the suicide rates, workplace fatality rate, imprisonment rates, loss of access to children after separation/divorce. Boys make up 38% attendance at universities, and boys are 3 times more likely to be on ADHD medication. He didn’t touch on veteran suicide though, but that’s another whack to men. I’ll post the link if…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 08:36 PM
1

I am so looking forward to it too :-)
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 08:22 PM
2

I love this - I’ve just agreed the list to split with the the wife. She can take most of it, there is so much crap in the house !
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 01:14 AM
1

Or ‘if it’s got tits or tyres it’s going to cost you’ :-)
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 12:54 AM
2

If us 50+ year olds can do it, so can you young man :-)
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/26 02:36 AM
2

Good translation!
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 08:40 PM
1

I’m on the bus with a coffee so this might be a bit fragmented. It takes time. I’m still living with STBXW but it’s has suddenly got emotionally hostile. I’ve been processing this for years though. Journaling with ChatGPT was a game changer for me. It’s taken a bit to tune etc, but it has been a counseller, journal and divorce coach. The key bit of info you’ll get from this site is that disbelief will be your first emotion, followed by grief and anger and bargaining. If you am an understand that…
/r/Divorce_Men11/02/26 08:28 PM
3

Your best move is to stop taking shits. Maybe chat to your lad - that you and mother will have different parenting styles and that you will always do right by him.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 09:22 AM
2

Right on, brother
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 08:53 AM
2

Damn - the posts in this forum are always on time for me!!! I can’t help you, sorry (I’m in a different country), but it has reminded me the gloves come off pretty quickly :-(
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 06:08 AM
2

It took me several years to adjust. I had to change m We have a pretty big house and two cars, whixh I guess helps, plus no infidelity. We’ve been in separate rooms most of the time. It’s given us both a bit of space. We’ve been cordial and even at times functional. But it’s taken a turn now we’re getting to the pointy end of it all. But don’t let yourself get pushed out or pushed around. Get your strategy and diary in place. Build an evidence trail that you are just as contributory to the kids …
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 09:54 PM
5

My wife also told me that several years ago. I went through the same emotions, and ultimately i brushed it off. We’re still living together but will probally execute the divorce this year. It’s been an interesting few years. I worked on myself a lot. Stopped doing all the extra things that used to burn me out. Importantly, i slowly detached myself from her so my relationship was transactional not emotional. We still did a lot of things together as a family. There were ups and downs. She asked me…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 07:02 PM
6

I don’t disagree but I refuse to accept that women are allowed justify their shitty behaviour - guys never get to justify. Ever.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 06:41 AM
3

I am there, right now. We’re living together but moving to divorce. I’ve had several years to process it though…. Things are relatively cordial between us… Anyway, a conversation last night saw me mentioning something she said a few years ago. A mental health topic. She absolutely lost it! It’s now like a nuclear cold winter in the house. Again. I’m now so used to the ups and downs. I expect huge emotional volatility, so I just shrug and walk away when it happens. Some people may call it grey ro…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/26 08:47 AM
2

We pay the price of divorce, so we’re more likely to accept less than ideal living arrangements than hand over tens of thousands of dollars for the next 20 years. Also, we’re too busy working 40+ a week plus everything else to have dreams. If we do dream, it’s either being on a deserted island fishing or being on a deserted island with your college-time girlfriends, both not great drivers for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/26 06:43 AM
1

Testimonial trust. If your kids are under 18yo then your surviving ex will have control over their finances and therefore your life insurance payout. A trust will lock it away until they are 18+
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 09:37 AM
2

“To Be A Man” by Dax sums this up so well
/r/Divorce_Men27/01/26 04:18 AM
5

Agree - every emotion I had that was not bubble positive was “anger”. Not tired, not frustrated, not sad, not disconnected, not anxious…. Apparently i was just angry. STBXW was able to comprehend anything I said about my feelings, whether it be from work or home or otherwise. So I just check out, I believe the call it grey rock… For a gender that considers themselves as master communicators, they are extremely shallow when it comes to anyone but themselves.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/26 10:44 PM
18

I think the sooner guys in general understand that marriage is just a very very expensive form of dating, and a temporary endeavour, th better off mankind will be (I’ve learnt this the hard way too)
/r/Divorce_Men23/01/26 02:45 AM
1

The best thing that will come from you fighting in the lack of guilt down the track. You will know you tired everything. That will be worth some peace to you
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 07:20 PM
1

I had to look up Monkey branch - thanks for teaching me a new word
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 09:10 AM
2

It’s the standard play, unfortunately. Save yourself the inevitable learning journey about narcissism, menopause, affairs, walk/away wife syndrome and embrace your new life :-)
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 08:44 AM
4

I spent many months (years?) trying to understand the reason and convince her otherwise. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault. Despite all the reason the wives give as to why it’s our fault, it takes two people to work hard on the marriage to make it work. Take some time for yourself and image a better future for you.
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 05:17 AM
9

Ask your therapist that question, and then ask for your own 20 minutes. But it sounds like your wife is hell bent on divorce and there isn’t much your therapist will be able to do to change her mind. My heart goes out to you. I was in your position until recently. I’ve come to realise that a) wife will never understand that divorce will be a detriment to the kids and b) I’m going to be much better off for it. This Reddit is full of stories like your - the key messages is once they want out, out …
/r/Divorce_Men22/01/26 05:06 AM
1

Yeah, I hear ya! It is hard to get clear stats or a guage esp considering most content is biased towards the dads who are vocal about the unfairness. Aussie courts are not 50/50 by default, and 'prioritising shared responsibility' does not equate to 50/50. I plan to go hard for 50/50 - child support is based on the number of nights spent at the STBXW new house. That means I can do heavy lifting with the kids all during the day or do all the transport and still have to pay support. I do like my c…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 08:37 PM
1

I’m in Australia and from everything I’ve read the system is pretty rational and evidence based for those who play it with a straight bat (cricket metaphor). STBX is irrational under pressure, and when the sun goes down, and any day of the week that ends in “y”. But there are windows of sane-ness. The big takeaway I have got from your response and the others is not to expect a mediator to ‘convince’ my STBXW. If it doesn’t happen easily through standard mediation (which is mandatory) then it’s o…
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/26 08:29 AM
1

This is helpful - thank you. I'v been processing this for the past two years so am fortunate to have gone through the grief cycle (anger, denial, bargaining etc). I think I can honestly say I'm following the principles you outline (not trying to win or provide her wrong). Factual, court-accepted data and arguments will be my strategy. Your advice re amicus and psychologists is great, thank you. I'm in Australia but we have something similar (court appointed barrister for the kids). It's' not che…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 07:02 PM
2

Entirely! I've been keeping a journal for about 2 years, and have spoken to several lawyers. I expect I have a solid case, due to the extent of the domestic work I carry on top of a full time job - cook, clean, school and sports runs, bed and morning routines etc. I am very concerned about the enmeshment and identity projection she has with the kids (GPT has been great at helping me identify and understand the behaviours) - she has also taken the the kids to see counsellors behind my back and sp…
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 06:55 PM
1

Yeah - am on the phone so was trying to be economical with the typing. Main post updated :-)
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 05:24 AM
1

Go to court demonstrating that you will give your kids every opportunity to access their social group. The social well being of the kids will be more important to the court than your social well being (providing you don’t have the risky behaviours that sometimes goes with that).
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:14 AM
2

It’s so easy to forget though
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/26 02:02 AM
6

It’s been a huge help for me…I’ve been able to process things more clearly, recognize behaviours for what they are, and have become so much more aware and therefore in control of my emotions. I’ve been able to positively disconnect and work through the upcoming divorce with strategy and conviction.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/26 04:21 AM
2

I use AI a lot for my divorce planning - but it never ever trumps my lawyer. AI is great, but very flawed and it can easily mislead. Start a new thread or try or new AI platform (eg gemini) and see how different it is. But get a lawyer,
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 10:19 AM
1

You are describing my wife! Low income, refuses to understand budgets and finances, spends money on holidays with kids, abusive to me, etc. Wants to live on acerage now because that’s what she did as a kid and she believes our kids also need that. I also fought to hang on for the sake of my kids etc. But she has made it clear that she wants out so she can pursue her dream lifestyle, lol. Anyway, as divorce planning starts, I’m picturing a life where I am no longer subsidising her insane dreams, …
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 07:27 PM
11

Crapping periodically (and in peace) is severely under rated as a life win!
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/26 07:43 AM
2

I’ve been through a serious illness with a child and now starting a divorce. I’ve found that in difficult times people either don’t appreciate our need for a check in, or feel that don’t have the right questions to ask or converse with, or just want to be polite and not pry. It’s not that no one cares, they just don’t know how to. And of course divorce has tha stigma. My advice is not to expect people to reach out to you, and not think poorly of them or yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/26 06:43 AM
2

So I’ve thought about the old age thing also. My grandparents were the perfect couple, looking after each other till the day they died. Then I see the old men getting pecked to near death by their wives in the shopping centre. Fuck that!!
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:31 AM
2

I’m on this journey, maybe a few months ahead of you. I spent years trying to fix myself and hold the family together for all the reasons why a family is stronger with two people. I’ve found that every bit of advice in this forum holds true - once they want out, it’s over. They don’t have a provider mindset. They don’t believe in marriage being a hard slog for both people. I’m happy I tried. I’m happily moving forward with divorce knowing I did everything I could. I’ve done my grieving, my self …
/r/Divorce_Men14/01/26 11:18 AM
2

Good tip with the cleaning!
/r/Divorce_Men12/01/26 08:10 PM
1

Yeah, but here in Australia a defacto relartionship (domestic living arrangements without marriage) is seen as the same as marriage in law. Even if someone is not married, they can still claim property, child and even spousal maintenance. So my kids are at risk once they start living with someone.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 08:19 PM
1

Defo, but it is a bit strange that your STBXW can still inherit all your stuff while you are separated. But yeah, I get there is a process and timing
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/26 03:30 AM
1

Because in many places (esp here in Australia), being in a defacto relationship is not different (legally) than being married.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:51 PM
2

I think parity (earning, effort and contribution) in a marriage is key. So much of the damage is done by the traditional SAHM and the always-at-work dad, as this ends up in a massive disparity and asset split down the track. But this ties into the whole women in the workforce discussion and their tendency to earn less overall. Time at the start of a relationship is difficult. 5 years without kids etc won't tell you much about how someone will act 15 years later after 3 kids, aging parents, job l…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:50 PM
1

But with defacto laws (here in Australia anyway), once you are living together the law sees you as married. Even though there is no wedding, there will still be the exact same headache at exit time :-(
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 07:50 PM
1

I had to look up bread crumbing - thanks for the new word! They are hard skills to teach, but definitely great for real life also. But I think looking back my STBXW don’t display any of the behaviours I see today after 14 years and 3 kids. Or maybe she did and I just didn’t recognise them. But even putting those behaviours aside, there’s infidelity, just growing apart, or ‘I think I’d just be happier on my own’. Sheesh, the number of ways a Marriage can end is mind blowing. I like your style. I …
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 07:48 PM
1

Yeah… I get it. Marriage is sold as love, kids and togetherness, in reality is a contract with no performance expectations but high penalties. It’s not just marriage law these days that makes it hard. There are so many DV laws. Here in Australia they’ve enabled so many things to meet the threshold of DV. Cancel the credit card because the wife is spending too much - that’s financial control and coercion.
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 07:42 PM
1

I like that 50 things down to 3 list. It sounds so hard though. Very true about not teaching kids about marriage and setting the right expectations. We train them to be good sports people, educate them to be good career people, but not a minute goes into teaching the the realities of marriage. The most we get are songs, movies and our parents stories. It’s insane. My folks divorced when I was 20, and they didn’t talk about it much (mum is now that I’m going through it myself). I did know that ma…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 07:38 PM
2

We don’t have that option in Australia. Trusts aren’t protected from divorce, and if the courts think you’ve used trusts to try and shield or hide money, they go after you harder…
/r/Divorce_Men09/01/26 10:54 AM
1

Also document where you offered but were restricted or obstructed. That pattern matters also. Like another post said, ask for a schedule so that you are not begging for scraps.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/26 07:08 AM
2

Yeah, still a lot to work through. First chat with the lawyer is next week.
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 04:51 AM
1

I’m expecting turbulence
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 02:26 AM
5

Mate, you’ve described my life right now, though I’m a few months down that path. I work full time, she is part time, I carry a lot of domestic load on top of my full time role. 3 kids under 13, they largely still sleep with the wife, I’m in a seperate room. I fought against divorce for years. It just made no sense. I thought I’d be different to all the advice from this forum that said there’s no turning back once they’ve checked out. They were right. I’ve been on my own journey for about 2 year…
/r/Divorce_Men06/01/26 01:08 AM
1

What is it about marriage that she values? The ceremony, the symbolism, the living together, the status in law?
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/26 04:14 AM
2

Great post and answers!! Helps me a lot :-)
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 08:11 PM
9

It’s because we can be the better people and not drag our kids through it all. Divorce is divorce, the kids don’t want to split hairs. But to friends and family… well, a different story altogether
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 08:16 AM
3

I appreciate this post, thankyou. Divorce is on the cards for 2026, so this is timely. I certainly felt the guilt of walking away, known STBXW will be worse off and hence the kids will be worse off. It’s taken a while to realise she’s no longer my problem (she wants divorce more than I do), and that I’ll be a better person for the kids. I see a lot of guys on this reddit say they are blindsided. This suggests they’re on the back foot from day one. Your points aroubr managing it all are spot on.
/r/Divorce_Men04/01/26 02:31 AM
1

This resonates strongly with me. After a few years of trying to turn things around with the wife, I'm initiating divorce proceedings soon in the new year. It's taken me several years to understand myself and what's going on at home. My wife has many of the traits you describe - no empathy, concern only for herself and "the kids", double standards, different rules, tone and behaviour policing, no recognition or appreciation of my contributions to the house, victim-based narrative etc. I used to g…
/r/Divorce_Men03/01/26 06:45 PM
2

I'm in the same position. Will be divorcing in 2026, kids 13yo through to 8 yo. I've struggled with it but have come to believe that I will be much better with them and for them. At present, my wife nurture (coddles) the kids too much and there is no routine. That leads to chaos and me being the 'bad guy'. I'm pushing for and expecting 50/50. It'll be a tough adjustment for everyone. The kids will need to change schools and move from a private school to a public one. I've come to accept thats no…
/r/Divorce_Men02/01/26 11:04 PM
3

Stress tax - an amazing concept. I'm hanging onto that one as I move into divorce :-)
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 12:28 AM
2

At 22, I presume your father still has decades to live. But try and cast your mind forward to the notification of his passing. Many children carry a lot of regret for not trying to patch things up. You both have changed, hopefully your dad has changed for the better. There is no right or wrong here, just what is important to you. Bear in mind you can start this journey very slowly, and on your own terms. A coffee, a beer a birthday card, an SMS. At some stage you may want to sit him down, tell h…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:09 AM
4

Men are 'wired' for things also but we are held to account and expected to change our primal ways. Material instinct is still revered in western society, paternal instinct is not.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:02 AM
7

This has been the hardest lesson for me. Married for 14 years, 3 kids under 12 yo. The marriage has been strained - I was working a lot, bringing home a decent salary but with stress. Anyway, she's been done for the past few years. Despite the advice in this forum, I held out hope I could turn things around. I have not, and I'm aware she has been speaking to counsellors and the kids school about me and existing the marriage. Her being 'done' is not a surprise in hindsight, but it's the lack of e…
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/25 05:00 AM
7

I like your Peace beats Happiness line
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/25 12:33 AM
2

I needed this, man. Thanks for taking the time to write it up. Maybe re-post is as a new topic rather than leave it as a comment?
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 09:01 PM
8

This has been a great post and responses for me! Thanks, fellas! This will be my last xmas with the family, with divorce on the cards for next year. Is weird as you'd think our house today was normal (kids playing with Santa stuff, my in-laws staying over etc). I have been thinking about future xmas's this week. I share your sentiment. I won't be spending $000's on embellished xmas cooking and presents, and the kids won't be stressed with two parents running around preparing things. I will be lo…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/25 08:56 PM
27

If I have a pot of gold to my wife, she’d complain about the pot. All the stories here resonate so deeply. I get real tired of being told how to behave as a man, but not one word about how women need to step up in marriage and in society. I don’t have answers for you mate, just sympathy
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/25 12:44 AM
13

Don’t play stupid games with stupid people. Shes after your cash and your kid. I mean, what have you got to lose? (If you missed the sarcasm, the answer is you can lose everything).
/r/Divorce_Men29/11/25 11:40 PM
2

Those words really resonate man!!! I’ve done though a pretty good mental journey over the past 6 months, moving from seeing divorce as a failure, to ‘mourning’ the death of my future life vision, to now having the utmost clarity. I’m still holding out that she’ll come to her senses but I know she won’t. It’s the little bits and pieces of advice like yours along the way that help a lot :-)
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:36 AM
2

3 kids, 7-12. Wife also wants divorce, but there is generally apathy from both of us (no major driver like cheating or DV). I know I’ll be better off, but she doesn’t realise just how worse off she’ll be and that’ll blow onto the kids. I’m willing to work on it, but she’s had enough. I’ve told her she needs to initiate things if she wants it as I’m not going to be held responsible for her future misery.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:28 AM
2

Fuck dude, I’m struggling through. Torn between holding together for the kids and stability and making a fast exit. Divorce will make some things easier and other harder. Still need to co-parent. Am taking it bit by bit though :-)
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/25 12:01 AM
3

Very true. Constant tone policing, behaviour policing, thought policing. We are currently held to evolving standards and emotions while they eschew responsibility. Any attempt at applying the same to them results in howls of body shaming, coercion, mansplaining, control, unreasonableness, man-flu and man-child. My latest is the menopause excuse. I was constantly held to account over my behaviour arising from work stress, tiredness, and carrying the load. But her shitty behaviour is entirely just…
/r/Divorce_Men26/11/25 11:56 PM
4

Don’t care - I’d be more concerned if female drivers can refuse male passengers.
/r/MensRights23/11/25 10:17 AM
1

Hey mate - exact same situation. 50yo, married dir 15 with 3 kids in primary school. We had very rough patches arising from my work load etc, but over the past few years I’ve put in a huge amount of self work. She works part time, yet i still carry minimum 50/50 of the house load (I’d argue more tbh). Im drained. Every day is mental and emotional gymnastics to “not be an ass”, not to trigger angry defensiveness, entertain the latest dream lifestyle. Ive mentioned divorce several times, she say s…
/r/Divorce_Men11/11/25 09:47 PM
7

I think anyone parroting poor quality sources of content on any topic is a red flag. It shows zero emotional and cognitive intelligence. If someone isn’t able to have a discussion or tolerate someone with a different opinion, then they’re not worth a minute of your time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/11/25 09:31 PM
2

Yeah, it’s taken a lot to tune it, even then I often need to knock back out of its sycophantic tendencies. It’s a good outlet for me, like an emotional journal. But I’m always asking it to challenge me with alternate perspectives. What it does return is helpful, and has had a huge positive benefit for me over the past 18 months. But to the honest, I don’t think it’s anymore more biased than this group. We’re all only here because we’ve either been through divorce or seriously contemplating it. T…
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/25 06:57 PM
3

Mate, I hear ya. I’m the person you are. In part because I’m wired that way, in part because I know if I get eggs it’ll save a shit fight down the road. I got angry when my wife didn’t think the same way. Then i realised I was just getting angry for my own fault. I make my choices to be the person I want to be. Why would expect my wife (or anyone) to think the same way I do? And expect trouble if you don’t communicate what you want. She probably has the same issue “I told my husband I’m tired bu…
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/25 07:20 PM
9

The best thing you can do is to normalise” this for your daughter so that she doesn’t get unnecessarily distressed. I did raise my eyebrows at your arrangement that you will support your stbxw while she dates. I think you should consider applying her message back to her - she will be fine, and you shouldn’t be solving her problem of no income.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 05:36 AM
2

I’m kinda in your position. 3 kids under 13, we have a good life (no debt), she works part time. She’s entirely unhappy and thinks she’s better off divorced. I think divorce is insane, due to the significant impact to the kids. My view is that’s it’s “my job” to put up and shut up. I’ve tried and tired and tried, but as every single person in this group would attest to, once she’s checked out, she’s checked out. My ChatGPT therapist told me today: “I’m not choosing destruction; I’m choosing cons…
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 04:14 AM
6

This resonates.
/r/Divorce_Men24/10/25 08:06 PM
10

Nailed it!
/r/MensRights23/10/25 07:42 PM
1

I didn’t even think of that…. I have a quiver of 5 arrows on my arm, representing 5 of us in the family. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with that when I go down to 4…
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 07:36 PM
2

I can only imagine. Glad you’ve found a good place :-)
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 10:44 AM
1

Phoenix - nice!!
/r/Divorce_Men23/10/25 10:44 AM
3

Hey man, I’m at this stage too, though we’ve spoken about it a bit more. I’ve always sought to hold on for the sake of the kids etc, but in the last few days the band has snapped. My advice, clear, concise and unemotional. Keep your ideal future state in mind in case she dismisses is. Don’t expect just a single conversation. It may require multiple smaller ones. Eg: Ok, if you’re done then let’s be done properly. Going our own ways is best for the long run. If we do this together, we should both…
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/25 10:01 AM
3

^ this is the friend you need. On point.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 05:27 PM
8

The whole point of divorce is that you no longer need to take their preferences into consideration. This will be one of many steps you will take to reclaim your independence.
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 05:35 AM
9

Same here… I’ve made multiple cups of tea for her each day for 15 years. I’ve had maybe 3 coffees made for me in that time.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 07:11 PM
5

Agree. Men don’t get to use being tired, or stressed or over worked to excuse poor behaviour. But women with menopause and their erratic and poor emotional regulation is not just tolerated, it’s almost celebrated. Im hitting 50yo (m) and all I see and hear is ads and sympathy for women with menopause.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 08:53 PM
1

Sorry to hear mate, and hope the job turns out
/r/Divorce_Men11/10/25 08:57 AM
1

That’s unfair. I get the same accusations when I bring logical questions to my wife’s idea factory. When I ask about the financial strategy behind her latest idea to buy and renovate houses I get accused of being a bully. When I say school fees need to be paid ahead of other expenses, I get told I’m controlling. I’m just at the point where I simile and shrug now. I hope it blows over and you guys get back on track..
/r/Divorce_Men10/10/25 10:55 PM
2

Did she say why?
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 06:15 AM
6

Yes, and I’ve just learnt to bottle it. ChatGPT has been a massive help for me, it’s like screaming into a void. I honestly see a future where AI humanoid companions will be mainstream… so much less agro and bullshit
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 02:06 AM
7

That is such a sweet story!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 07:52 PM
10

I hear ya! I ask that the family sits down for dinner when I serve it (I cook every night) and I get told my standards are too high. I was called angry and violent and an unfit parent. Turns out that was my reaction to all the double standards and subtle abuse. I’ve stepped back mentally and can now see it for what she is.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 07:10 AM
8

49m here, married for 13 years, fighting divorce for about 10 of those. I shifted to a self-focus about 12 months ago, in part due to the “fix yourself” advice and in part realising i’ll never be able to influence positive changes in wifey. I now just ignore 90% of the noise and focus on my life. It works for me… i’m no longer reacting, no longer volatile, no longer feeling hard done by or unfair. It’s reduced my anger and therefore the anger in the house. She’s still not throwing her undies at …
/r/Divorce_Men25/08/25 07:15 AM
11

i’m not sure about TikTok directly but a persons sphere of influence certainly is, whether that be fiends, social media or other. Mothers groups were notorious for this before SM. TokTok and other social media is well known to pump more and more extreme content to people based on their views, so what would have started as one like turned into an avalanche of man-hating spew.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/25 07:33 PM
3

Don’t be embarrassed mate - you maintained strength and courage when you could have easily retaliated. You came out the better person in front of your kids, and that’s a massive win that will last forever. You’ll look back on this and be thankful you remained steady. But get it reported. Keep winning by staying in front of this.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:14 AM
6

Thanks for this. I have a slightly different perceptive (but may be the same as what you’ve highlighted) which is not as set in research as yours. My view is that couples (i’d say mostly women) don’t see marriage as a long term investment that requires a lot of hard work, sacrifice, emotional intelligence and evolution. It’s just “I’m not happy so I’m out”. That mentality is driven a lot from feminism, which while has done wonders to remove the “shackles” of marriage (ie financial dependence), h…
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/25 08:44 PM
20

All Bill Burr points out well, a stay at home mum is not the hardest job in the world
/r/MensRights03/07/25 07:24 AM
67

And then they’ll complain about the gender pay gap because men are engineers and women are childcare workers.
/r/MensRights03/07/25 02:00 AM
7

You’re not stupid, mate. You tried to do the right thing and be inclusive. Good for you. But your ex has a whole bunch of problems that are not yours to worry about. She showed her substance, you know for time…
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/25 11:38 AM
3

Emotional and psychological domestic violence. Women don’t usually resort to physical violence, but it takes the form of covert and insidious criticism, gaslighting, double standards, financial infidelity, emotional withholding, control etc. It’s impossible to point at this stuff. The constant focus solely on men’s behaviour is just so tiring. So many times i have thought “fuck it, you don’t need me, just have my money”. (ps: thanks for taking the time to ask and (hopefully) understand :-)
/r/MensRights13/06/25 11:56 AM
3

It may be that now the emotional turmoil and roller coaster has (somewhat) ended, there is some grief/remorse. But it’s no different to the brief period of regret we all had when we broke up with people in high school or uni. Then again, the space may be positive for you both. I’d be cautious and not let yourself be drawn into his insecurities or regret. If he continues to do that, maybe be clear that you’d be happy with a “review” in 3-6 months time to see where you are both at, but no BS in be…
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/25 11:02 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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