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Erocitnam Archive

View 0 posts and 377 comments by Erocitnam on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
55

"You may miss out on the rich and rewarding experience of being with someone who is neurotic!" I'm fine with that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/07/22 08:54 AM
1

When I went to the site, the front page didn't have new stuff, but if I went to the drop-down menu and selected "forum" it did. Maybe that's where the confusion is coming in? I personally would want new posts to be on the home / front page.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/06/22 06:41 AM
11

Huh! I did not know that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/22 07:08 AM
84

Yeah, me also. I really like the changes I saw in the culture on reddit after FDS arrived and I had hoped it would stay.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/06/22 06:49 AM
2

The man would have to be Jesus himself for me to put myself through that. Preach 👐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 06:50 AM
4

he is very disciplined (very attractive and on my ideals list) but doesnt matter how many kids he has he wants ONE to be EVEN MORE disciplined than him. (Like a robot?...) he said the other kids could be whatever. Yeah! There's a lot that you could speculate on but this one is just really distasteful. And unrealistic. He can't control what his kids wind up doing with their lives or what their personalities will be like. Also he really should hate trump
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/04/22 06:47 AM
11

I think it can be useful to engage with things you disagree with. I can see why someone might say "I think the premise of the show is unethical so I won't watch it", nothing wrong with that. But I think there are things you can learn from seeing how other people, even ones you think are making bad choices, think and act, and interact. Edit: and also, if you're in or near the age bracket of the contestants, you may have gone through similar experiences to them. It can be cathartic to see other pe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 07:35 AM
7

I'm only on episode two, but I'm finding it kind of fascinating. It is interesting to have so many perspectives on marriage in one place. Ofc I've already found a reason to dislike all the men... and the relationships are not healthy and the people in them need to sort out some stuff. But it does make me want to dissect the show and talk about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 07:29 AM
2

Aww! That's so nice to hear! :) Thank you for taking the time to compliment me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/04/22 11:50 PM
19

Okay, so first of all, what others said about the story not adding up does seem astute. But let's treat it like it's real. She says he views it as a game and loses interest in each other woman once she sleeps with him. This is misogynistic and shitty to those women. He is using them and doesn't care about them or their lives as people. He's honest with her now but he wasn't at first. She shouldn't be so quick to trust that he's being "safe", or not sleeping with escorts or trafficked women. She …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 10:13 AM
45

He is a former porn addict who no longer uses but it became clear that he still was impacted by his previous use as more and more degrading behavior crept into our sex life as we continued to date. So even if he doesn't use porn currently DOES NOT MEAN his brain is not still warped from having consumed it in the past. This has me wondering about his motives for quitting. It sounds like he quit the habit of watching porn, but he never got rid of the entitlement he felt to degrade women through se…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 09:48 AM
41

Seems fetish-y, too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/04/22 09:11 AM
7

Aw, I love running into other witchy women! Hex him anyway 😂 but yeah a renewal bath never hurts. Now that you have what you need from him, you can focus on getting his energy out of your space and putting up walls to keep him out. And if that feels like something that needs to be mourned, or celebrated, or both, that makes sense to me. Also please pet your dog for me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/04/22 03:32 AM
3

it just feels like there should have been more finality to it, but the rest of the day is just another day. Part of me wants to celebrate being free Throw a party? Maybe a small one with close friends who will understand if you cry. You should get a cake and decorate or something. (I like blowing up a bunch of balloons and leaving them on the floor, to drift and tumble around, if you're taking suggestions...) If it feels too momentous to just slip by as another day, then commemorate it somehow! …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 11:06 PM
28

The dude said he lost a decade of his life? Who forced him to do it??? Right! He pissed away his own ten years, but he stole hers!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 10:54 AM
4

That sounds like ptsd. Something about the place reminded you of him, like you said, and that made your body/subconscious feel unsafe.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/04/22 09:14 AM
84

This is very relateable. Our society (in america anyway) is set up to be very isolating. I think it is a collective challenge we're facing. I definitely lack strong, deep friendships. It's such a slow process and seems to peter out eventually when we find out our values are different. I am not really sure how to speed up or change this process... but, I think a lot of people experience this same lonliness, and that when we find effective solutions, many, many people will be eager to take them up…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 11:10 PM
3

"How do you deal with being hated?" Idk what to tell you, bud... I get mad for a while, mind fight about it in the shower, and then get on with my life
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 10:40 AM
3

I've read things about how baby and young girls are told to be ladylike, not rough, not adventurous, not take risks, not ruin their dress... they're warned a lot more. Don't fall, don't go barefoot bc you'll hurt your feet, watch out...! Surely there is a connection between that and girls growing up to be more responsible. To think harder about the consequences of their actions, about what could go wrong if someone doesn't step up and take care of this thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 10:32 AM
8

To the people that feel hurt about this, I’m not even talking about you! It also tells me that some people are projecting themselves and their insecurities People are really, really fucking good at this
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 10:06 AM
27

"The institution of monogamy is itself a “redistributive” type of policy: like capping the income of billionaires, it caps the total allowed romantic partners of the most attractive, so that unattractive people have much better chances to find a partner. The marriages that we read about in historical accounts that are based on prudence and family arrangement make more sense when we realize that basing marriage on mutual attraction leads so many—both men and women—to be unsatisfied with the outco…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/22 09:54 AM
41

You just learned that the person in front of you is entitled, and frankly, has the audacity to expect a near stranger to pay for them. It's not audacity or entitlement when it's a long established social standard. Imagine treating other standards this way, "my brother is so entitled, he expected me to get him a christmas gift", "this host has the audacity to just accept the wine I brought without trying to pay me back for it!" Give me a break.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 09:17 AM
6

I think I was pretty clear that I intended the list to be a general guide for a wide variety of situations. They won't all apply to dating situations or deliberately mean people, and I said as much. Also, leaving immediately is two of the options I listed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/04/22 05:20 AM
27

"Back then I hadn't internalised that okay, maybe somebody is being deeply unpleasant in a socially acceptable way, but there are more options than a) grin and bear it b) explode on the street and look like a crazy person." "What do you think is a better way to handle it. I’m still on the grin/ bare or blow up stage." You've got a range of options, let me see how many I can think of. You can tell someone firmly, "I thought that was rude; I'm gonna have to ask you to not do that again". This is a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 11:48 AM
12

Then she asked me if I'm a lesbian, because of my "harsh" opinion of men. Well, that's homophobic...!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 10:55 AM
20

Or try the legal advice subreddit maybe. I think there's a website where you can ask lawyers simple questions like this for free too. I used it when I wasn't sure if my landlord had a right to charge me a fee beyond also keeping my deposit
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 06:47 AM
8

I like it. I think it has good characteristics for being turned around to use on men. It's always reminded me of words like "scum" or pond water. I think I've heard people say "skanky water" before, even. So I think it definitely could be decoupled from its associations with women.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/04/22 05:37 AM
518

I don't think men do know "right away" if you're the one. They don't have psychic powers. I suppose the truth in that statement is that men decide early if they're going to put effort in for you or not. But they can't just magically know if you're a good fit for their life goals, interesting to them, compatable after just one or two dates I definitely agree that any man rushing you is bad news. A kind man who loves you will give you all the time you need, and a wise man won't be looking to speed…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/04/22 11:46 AM
3

This is a really good point. If you fall on hard times you may not be able to afford food only one of you likes, and if you meal plan or cook together, having to take a pickier person's preferences into account is a huge pain in the ass to the other. You basically will wind up eating less of the things you like that they don't, unless you have ample disposable income.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/04/22 12:55 AM
13

when speaking of mistakes his parents made I'd say another way to identify unresolved parent issues is if he defensively insists that his parents made NO mistakes, they were perfect, and gets really offended and bristly if you complain about or critique anything they do
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 11:16 PM
17

To add on to the legacy thing, it may not be because they think their genes are superior but because they think they've not done anything impressive enough with their life and want to have "another chance", vicariously. I think there are a lot of selfish, legacy-adjacent reasons to want kids.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 11:10 PM
12

Shit like this is a low-grade form of terrorism meant to cow women into shutting up and staying out of the public domain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 10:16 PM
15

Yuck. I hope she snaps out of it some day. =/ Btw you accidentally commented twice
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 10:10 PM
21

That makes a lot of sense. I'd like to type up an example. Say you're investigating 10 profiles, you wind up finding 4 of them agreeable and getting 2 matches back. If you spend 6 minutes each looking at 10 profiles in depth, you spent 1 hr on that. You swipe on 4 & wind up with 2 matches. If you spend just 1 min looking at 10 profiles (10 min), swipe on 6, and you get 4 matches back... Then you spend 6 minutes each investigating only those four profiles (24 min) and decide you only like 2, that…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 09:41 PM
23

Does she withhold emotional support from him, or is she offering the same also? I hope some day she can see that A + B is more than A.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/22 09:25 PM
27

with cold approaches the only thing they know about me is they basically could see themselves sleeping with me and that’s why they decided to come up and say hi I don't mind a man coming up to talk to me, to learn more about me, because he found me attractive. There's nothing wrong with finding someone attractive and then wanting to investigate potential. I think any man worth your time will care about who you are, if you click, if he likes your personality, before he even tries to ask you on a …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/22 12:33 AM
14

Facebook introduced "pages" you could like, early, and then took then away so you couldn't see your own anymore, and then brought them back. I remember going through my page a few years ago and noticing them and having to purge all the cringe meme shit from freshman year I wouldn't be surprised if there are people who never noticed they made a return or if they were from years ago. The question in this case is, how much do you think he's changed since then?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/04/22 01:44 AM
37

Why is he equating sex with dominance?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 03:30 AM
2

Yep, seconded. Is there a waiting list you can put your name on for if other rooms come available? I know it's hard to get a new room / roommate mid-semester but it's worth looking into. You should be able to ask an RA about it; at least that's how it works in the US
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 03:20 AM
3

I don't think you can do anything. I have an acquaintance who bought a house with her boyfriend. I think she paid for most of it but his name was on it too and when she broke up with him, he refused to move out. She really wanted to keep the house and not sell it. I actually don't know how she resolved it, but I know it was causing her a lot of trouble at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 02:14 AM
3

"He had no clue how hard he bit you until he saw the mark" What, he can't feel his own jaw clamp down? He did know how hard he was biting, obviously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 01:59 AM
4

Seriously! They should be grateful to her for thinking of these things, and taking the time to look for them, and then going to get them. Not complaining about the spending.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 01:45 AM
3

"who has time to develop a loving relationship with themselves these days?" Actually, you can't afford NOT to. That is the single most important thing to accomplish during your life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/04/22 01:31 AM
3

True, but someone had to write it to be that way. They sat down and wrote a scenario where a man is cheating but then gave him sympathetic / understandable reasons.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 10:27 PM
4

That actor is very good at embodying the characters he plays
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 11:27 AM
2

Episode 5 of Fantasy High by Dimension 20; timestamp courtesy of u/MyFDSAccount
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 11:24 AM
13

Yeah, actually, why didn't he have any food for breakfast in the house? Who lives like that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/04/22 11:15 AM
6

I appreciate that, thank you! You too :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 09:54 AM
4

That makes sense
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 09:48 AM
-11

I also think violence isn't abuse when it's justified. And I thought your turnabout of the word "infer" was clever wordplay. I didn't know 'infer' could be used as a synonym for 'imply'; I learned something new. So I guess it did increase my quality of life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 09:35 AM
-6

Are you confusing me for the person you were debating with before? I'm not being obtuse, on purpose or accidentally. I saw you say you didn't think this instance of assault was an example of abuse and I politely asked for clarification. I don't need to look up your comment history before I stop to ask a question. And I actually don't care about the wider context of this event at all. I just wanted to know why you didn't think "a man hitting another man for saying something misogynistic" was abus…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 09:24 AM
13

I would have said anyone hitting anyone is abuse. What do you mean? Are you saying the term "abuse" should only apply to violence+ within the confines of a relationship? Hitting an old person is elder abuse, hitting a child is child abuse, hitting an animal is animal abuse... maybe you mean there has to be a power imbalance for it to count as "abuse"? I could see a case for that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 09:04 AM
8

Anger issues and issues of control, for one. Some men wait to show their true colors until they think you've reached a point where you can't or won't back out. In addition, becoming his wife can switch you into a new category or "role" in his mind, and he may have totally different expectations for how you should act and what you owe him. (The same thing can happen when you get pregnant or give birth and become "mother" instead of "wife".)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/03/22 04:16 AM
3

That comment calling her the villain is fucked up. She should have cut ties with both men immediately after since there was no way for her to know who did it at the time. And Mark should be understanding of that. And the amount of guilt she's feeling is unfair too. She made the best decision she knew how to at the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/22 11:27 PM
20

Yeah! Certifiably insane! Then he surprised me with a gorgeous engagement ring. I said "yes," expecting he'd soon rebound. Based on fucking what?? Why would you forge ahead with a binding contract on the basis of assumptions?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:36 PM
19

No I thought that too-- she clearly stated she wanted to be treated and provided for, but then she still decided to go in for a 50/50 wedding...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:32 PM
15

Looking in the mirror one morning, my reflection defiantly hollered I don't WANT to support him! Apparently a feminist can also be sexist. Was he cleaning, organizing and decorating the house? Was he maintaining appliances and making/overseeing home repairs? Did he do the laundry? Did he cook, did he meal plan? Garden? Handle scheduling or paperwork? She didn't mention it so I'm betting not, or not consistently or thoroughly. It's not sexist to not want to support someone who is doing nothing to…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 10:27 PM
3

You aren't sure if you're arguing with a woman or wasting your time with a male. Yeah, exactly. I definitely understand that it's a lot of work to moderate to keep out men, but it definitely makes a space much safer and more productive. I don't blame them for not wanting to take on such a big task, but without that it's just not for me
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/22 09:25 PM
10

I don't think it's his own wedding. He calls it "a wedding" and says he hasn't told her parents about being engaged to their daughter yet
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 12:07 PM
11

Why does the bear say "will you bury me?" Goth proposal? 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 12:03 PM
27

Middle of a Memory by Cole Swindell About a minute into our first dance, we got blindsided by your friends, all in a hurry like you had to go-- didn't they know you can't leave someone? Girl, you can't leave someone in the middle of a dance floor all alone... Girl, it ain't right, no-- how you gonna leave me right in the middle of a memory? The rest of the song is him projecting his longing and aspirations onto this woman, saying how if she had only stayed it would have been the best night of th…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/03/22 11:26 AM
303

Mm, yep. He basically said as much, "you don't get to hang out with the boys unless you act like a bro, by which I definitely mean: protect the interests of men above women".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 03:53 AM
286

"I told her that I wasn't treating these girls bad. These girls knew it was a casual thing." Then why did they get mad and leave?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/03/22 03:51 AM
35

I'm not the person you were talking to, but I decided not to invest my time into ovarit when I learned they allowed male participants
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/03/22 04:30 AM
4

or to mention that I’m bi if she asks and see how she responds to that Can you just ask too?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 08:39 PM
5

That's confusing to me. Why would we need that? All of these concepts will take effort and most of them money, yes. I'm not sure why we would need an all-female construction crew, you could hire men to build a place they're not allowed to live in later. But the number of female engineers and builders is surely on the rise anyway. If you just mean that some of these are far-fetched and difficult, that's true. An all-female town (in america) seems out of reach for the moment but who knows what 20 …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/03/22 07:23 PM
146

This is more or less the reasoning behind female seperatism. You should look it up if you're interested in learning more, but the ultimate goal of seperatism is to create female-only communities and living spaces, whether that looks like an all-woman apartment complex, neighborhood or a farm, or maybe someday whole towns. Or on the smaller side, a book club, a business & networking group, social clubs. I don't think it suffices as a contained solution to misogyny and I certainly don't think I'd …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 07:53 PM
15

Edit: also when she says sometimes her “needs” are “too fulfilled”… is it just me or does any one else hear her voice breaking a bit. Yeah, I caught that. It's almost like she's defending porn because she doesn't know how else to keep him off of her when she's tired. "Porn isn't bad, because I need it to distract him while I rest"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 07:34 PM
11

I don't doubt that there are many misogynists in her line of work and she is treated sexistly, but where are the critical thinking skills here? The job requirements of being a chef/cook are not misogynistic, harmful to women, or gendered in any way. The restaurant industry may currently be infested with many sexist assholes, but it's not an inherently sexist line of work. Porn is. The nature of porn is inherently anti-woman. After watching the whole video, it's clear she doesn't actually underst…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/03/22 07:20 PM
6

Does his spiritual work/practice/life come from inner motivation? Or is he just capitalizing on the latest performative trend in your space? This makes me think about my dad. My mom was drawn to him bc he was the only man in her church that attended more than just the sunday service and she thought he was passionate about morality and spiritual connection with god like she was. But really he was just raised in such a christian environment, it was all he knew as normal. He had a pat theological a…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 09:39 AM
1

when there's a line of a hundred women before me who probably tried the same thing and still got treated like garbage for their efforts Absolutely on point
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/03/22 08:23 AM
15

I don't really understand what grumpiness and asd would have to do with each other. If he's acting grumpy and sour, it's because he doesn't like being out on a date with you. Mayyybe he's autistic and it's because he doesn't like the loud environment or giving up time he could be spending on a special interest to go on a date he doesn't really care about, just because he knows he's "supposed" to date. More likely it's because he doesn't like you, either because he's arrogant as hell and doesn't …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:36 AM
10

As someone with asperger's, people with asperger's have the same responsibility to be thoughtful and kind as anyone else. It's never "is he an asshole or does he have asperger's", it's "is he an asshole, or is he an asshole with asperger's". Also look at women on the autism spectrum-- we learn to be gentle, engaged, thoughtful and execute social skills. It is harder for asd people to learn social skills, they don't come as naturally to us, but that doesn't mean we're incapable of learning. Perso…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/03/22 01:13 AM
1

I must have missed that post! I see your point now.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/22 07:50 AM
5

I don't think anyone here is supportive of Kim K making / leaking a sex tape. And I also don't think anyone here would be unwilling to stand up for Billie Eilish against misogynistic abuse. Maybe we're against women getting suckered into performative sexuality for the patriarchy, and also against women being abused by men. I don't see a conflict there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 08:55 AM
14

Hopefully that indicates an increase in womens' consciousness, and collective willingness to talk about this stuff, over the past few years
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 08:25 AM
171

I bet he knows saying he has a "wife" is good PR at work and helps him out when it comes time for promotions and raises to be considered.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:13 AM
17

I kid you not, it's a 16 page ring binder that she handed me with detailed notes, some explanations, and lists of expenses Wow, she's already doing more work than him
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/03/22 02:12 AM
3

It strikes me as very weird that he was telling her "I want to protect you; open up to me, trust me." Is that something any of you would say to someone else? Protect her from what, anyway? Her panic attacks? Miscarrying again? When I first started dating my bf, I dropped something loud and it set off my ptsd. What he told me was "it's okay; you're safe here". That seems more natural. He wasn't trying to talk me into doing anything more than I was already doing, but this guy is. I think the diffe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:35 PM
1

Men never like when things get turned around on them. If it's not a big deal to not make your own money but to have someone else hold it and "take care of you", like he wants her to be content with, then why can't he be content with turning all the money over to her for five months, and letting her "take care of" him? It's the same thing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:21 PM
1

I'm sorry you feel isolated and I hope you feel better soon. I'm wishing for strength, healing and peace for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 08:00 PM
2

saying the real problem is “her drinking problem” That's so judgemental of them. You can't diagnose someone with a "drinking problem" from learning they got fucked up once. That can just as easily happen to inexperienced or infrequent drinkers. And even if she was regularly abusing alcohol, that's not relevant. Having an addiction or struggling with substance abuse does not mean it's open season for rapists. This is just another way of trying to put blame on the victim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/03/22 07:52 PM
4

Yeah, I found it hard to follow too. When they were dating, he came to her and said he wants to see other people, so she suggests an open relationship, and he says "nah, my other girlfriend wouldn't like that". So then he just blatantly admitted to cheating on her, right? Why doesn't she call it what it is?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/02/22 10:37 AM
8

Every time I've ever approached a "shy" guy who seemed to be into me, thinking I was being magnanimous and gracious, reaching out with my warmth and charm to someone who could be sweet but timid, they always turned out to be weirdos. They were never just shy but otherwise nice. They had no social skills in general and were a mess to talk to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 12:54 AM
5

I cannot imagine anyone meeting a man worth talking to by going clubbing
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/02/22 12:40 AM
3

Agreed! I hope you know that you have every right to hold yourself in high esteem, even though I know getting in the habit of remembering it takes work
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:02 PM
3

You're welcome! Well done for working on that and recognizing it in yourself; that's not easy to do.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 11:00 PM
13

It's the plotline of every single movie That's such a good point. Yes, it's the story taught to us everywhere we look.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 09:11 PM
4

He told me later he just wants me to roll on my back and submit Fuck that, no. I know i should maybe do it for the sake of the relationships You shouldn't. but i get the impression that this is a power demonstration. It is. What do you do when this happens? Personally I'm kind of a bossy, dominant person. I like to be in charge, I like to lead and delegate and make decisions. I can certainly cooperate with a partner who wants to be equally assertive, but I am playing second-in-command to no one.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 06:18 PM
108

That's so fucking true! And it brings up a really good point about the role religion plays in talking women into staying in an abusive and shitty relationship. As true as this is, women have people in their lives telling them the exact opposite. That it's your duty to stay, that god will soften his heart and your "ministering" to him will change him, that you will be rewarded in the afterlife for your faithfulness and devotion. But it's a fucking trick
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 05:01 PM
33

I always had a limit dictated by my own dignity and self-respect That's exactly the difference. And I don't think the focus should be on judging them and putting them down for not having any "dignity" or pride. What it really is, is that they do not have self-confidence and that is fueling an anxious attachment style. They are too trusting of other people and elevate their importance too high, because they have low self-worth and struggle to feel comfortable with the idea of being alone. Instead…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/02/22 04:56 PM
1

I’m very much not from the southern US so I’m not really comfortable saying “you all/y’all” I can't speak for everyone, but personally I hate seeing it being used (usually weirdly) by non-southern speakers, so I appreciate that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 05:02 PM
3

Been where you are on switching from "girls" to "women". It was a conscious effort with mistakes, and it felt really unnatural at first, but a year or two later and now it's second-nature. Just keep at it, and you'll internalize the switch pretty soon. I haven't made any effort to deliberately purge "guys" from my vocabulary, but I live in the south so I have "y'all". Other options may be: "let's all" (as in let's all get started on blabla), or "gang" (okay gang, what's the status update on yadd…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 04:59 PM
11

Right! Like, why did you have to wait for a holiday to buy supplies for the household? If you needed a new vaccum cleaner, just go get it
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 04:51 PM
15

Glad you're safe! It sounds like you're an incredibly competent, reliable (and brave) young woman, and you did a kick-ass job
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 04:48 PM
3

What you're asking about is called cerromancy-- divination by wax-- and it can be done with any candle spell, but you can also do a candle spell without trying to read the wax. It works best if you have pre-determined meanings before you start, for example "wax dripping to the left signifies the past, but to the right signifies the future". In the specific example you're listing, you would certainly have to designate which candle stood for which person ahead of time, although that is standard pr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 04:26 PM
4

I bet his pc gaming set-up is in the bedroom
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/22 03:58 PM
58

I think that's a big one. Too much sugar, and sugar from carbs- junk food, beer / alcohol
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/02/22 06:34 PM
11

Men seeking to date women decades younger than them don't see those women as people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 04:48 AM
96

I'm pretty sure he meant "oh that sucks that it's so much work for you to do that for me, that you can't get yourself off at the same time". But still-- just total apathy about it, like "that sucks but that's a you problem, doesn't concern me".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/02/22 02:50 AM
6

Does it even matter if his behavior is normal compared to other men, if it's wrong? Immorality is sometimes normalized. The way he's talking about other women is misogynistic. That indicates hidden, bad character. He lies to you, that also indicates bad character. If you feel hurt, you should feel hurt. Please don't second guess your feelings like that. There's no "should" about it. You don't need to police what you feel and make sure it's "justified". It's always justified because it's how you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 10:06 PM
64

That's exactly what I was wondering! What does he think an animator is...?? I find it hard to believe anyone who actually understands the word "animator" would say that about it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/02/22 06:14 AM
88

fEmInIsM iS aBoUt EmPoWeRiNg WoMeN tO mAkE tHeIr oWn ChOiCeS No. Feminism is about female liberation from males. If a woman would choose to submit to oppression (or more likely, be coached, groomed and manipulated into making that choice) and participate in misogyny, feminism still seeks to liberate her from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/02/22 06:00 PM
356

What a terrible mother. Also the sheer cognitive dissonance-- "I think she's being mean and unfair to say he doesn't contribute and is useless without her" but also "he relies on her totally and will be completely screwed if she leaves"?? You're contradicting yourself. Anyway why in the hell is this random man's well-being more important to you than your own child's?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 11:03 PM
52

It also carries the added implication that whatever women are mad about is stupid, and not worth taking seriously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 10:52 PM
4

Wonder how he would have reacted if you told him you liked men to be submissive. Also who the fuck does he think he is, that he's in a position to "scold" you? What an idiot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 08:25 AM
8

Yeah, same. I agree with all of OP's reasons, but also I just hate being nurturing and patient. And I resent that I'm expected to be both, when men aren't.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 08:06 AM
17

One of the dancers tried to talk to me a little, it was weird, she kept coming by me. You probably seemed a lot more pleasant to interact with than the rest of the crowd.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:51 AM
14

> I saw so many pickmes who were the first to put their hand up and say I’m a woman and I loveeee strip clubs because of the AcROBATIcs and SKilL on the pole. I've seen women say that too. I agree with them that pole dancing is an impressive skill (or at least it can be). But, it shouldn't need to be sexualized to exist if it's a display of physical prowess. There should be leagues and competitions and protective gear, like for every other sport. There's no reason for these highly skilled athlet…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/22 07:46 AM
22

Yeah, I agree! I kind of think male ego is wrapped up in the idea of what it means to be a "man" and that what it means to be a man is defined in part by how women are supposed to react to you. It goes hand in hand with the entitlement, and with expecting certain behavior from the women around them. What ratio affects each man and how the issues interplay probably fluctuates though
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 08:58 AM
37

But how would you know if it was deliberate and insidious? I felt like my other comment was long enough so I'ma leave two. The thing with subconscious bias and automatic behavior is that it can be examined and vetoed by the higher mind. Every time you've ever thought "I'd like to tell them off" and thought better of it because of you don't want to be that kind of person, you've done that. I've heard it said that your initial internal response to something is how you've been taught by others (par…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 08:49 AM
89

Do most men really think this deeply about their gift choices like that? I'm not suggesting he thought about it to himself in those explicit terms. But people's actions are fueled by subconscious motivations. Someone can do something to try and control you or hurt you, without confronting or thinking about that being their underlying reason. In my opinion, men are direly under-practiced at self awareness, and they don't think about why they do anything. I think he might have thought something li…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 08:31 AM
130

Exactly. He didn't like that you laid down a hard and fast rule, even for yourself, and he wanted to wear away at it. He doesn't want to see you deciding on something and then enforcing it unwaveringly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/01/22 06:39 AM
6

Right. Enough men. Enough to establish a pattern of behavior across the social class
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/01/22 09:17 AM
52

Pushing, pulling, grabbing, picking you up, turning or holding your face with aggression / tension in their hand, tickling against your will
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/01/22 09:56 AM
2

I feel like in my experience so far, that kind of spam / mile-a minute, highly reactive word vomit is something women do when they're in fight-or-flight or their ptsd has been triggered. I've watched my mom do it plenty of times. It's abusive to the recipient-- I'm not defending it. But I do think it's a sign of trauma, and it's not surprising women in abusive relationships have trauma. This can result in them being extremely defensive, touchy, reactive, and often delusional because that delusio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:08 PM
2

Congrats, babe! You deserve this victory, and this sovereignty over your own life!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:38 AM
67

Seriously! How do you think swiping on women you don't like is going to increase your chances of matching with one you do like??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 09:30 AM
5

She didn't "blow up", "melt down" or have a "breakdown". What an absolute reach. He's the drama queen here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 07:04 AM
8

he always asks, "Are you married with kids?" As a CF person, I always want to push back hard against just presuming every woman is traditional, every woman wants that life To me, this sounds like him successfully manipulating you into replying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 04:03 AM
5

Also a solid choice. Good for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:36 AM
2

He's not saying it to be mean; he's not a mean person. He is the meanest fucking person. Everything she's describing is mean!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:10 AM
6

I think I will start leaving him on read. Maybe it starts with every other message, then turns into every message. That's a good plan. You can also take longer and longer to reply to any messages you do answer, until "longer" turns into "not at all".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/01/22 03:06 AM
6

Fyi I think "being exclusive" IS the same as being "boyfriend & girlfriend". Was when I was growing up / 10 years ago, anyway even though I told him that the request was controlling (it is, right?) Yes. For future reference, if you are subjected to controlling behavior, don't tell the offender about their error and hope for them to reform. They won't. Just bail. I called him out on being abusive and controlling and sexually coercive Same again, here. I truly understand the impulse. But if you no…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 07:39 PM
27

They also don't really have stakes. If you reject them, so what? Back home to wifey. They don't want to date the woman they're approaching, and they may not even expect to ever get the chance to have sex with her. They're just dipping a toe in, seeing what they can get away with and what there's an opportunity for. Flirting, sexting, ego boost. They have nothing to lose as long as they don't get caught, and even then they may suspect their wife will forgive them.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/01/22 07:23 PM
4

I think he's still just "testing" her. I think he's very much approached her as a test subject to see "what happens when I do x". His anger is probably genuine but the way he ramps up his display of it successively makes me think he's testing to see if getting scarier would make her respond, and when that failed he tried an apology.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:24 PM
5

"You already got me going" by talking about crayons?? Get your life together man
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:14 PM
2

Oh, rad! Yw!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 10:01 PM
2

Perhaps I was mistaken, sorry
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/01/22 08:57 AM
9

Can you not edit it? I don't really make posts but I thought you could
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:21 PM
2

We want to think our fathers and brothers and grandfathers at least care about us, even if they aren't very enlightened overall. When they show us that nothing matters more to them than male power and access to women, it feels awful. But, it is good information to have. Yes, extremely relatable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:15 PM
5

So it sounds like he's in favor of women's equality but he doesn't understand the extent of inequality between men and women currently. I think this is common among people, and esp men, who aren't well versed in feminism. They support the idea of equality in theory, but they think we're basically almost there. We are not. So he doesn't believe that women are socialized to give and give, and that men are socialized to take. But they are. Are you familiar with the terms "emotional labor" and "ment…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 11:08 PM
46

The cultural impetus to "forgive" seems to exist only to keep women in submission to men. I have no interest in it. I have a feeling that comments to this post will be met with, “but it works for me” and “take what you need, and leave the rest” and “that’s not how I sponsor women or how women sponsor me”. It's interesting you say this. My impression of AA was that it is a bit cultish and has a mixed bag of good and bad dogma. I was a problem drinker and I sorted myself out by seeing a therapist …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 02:32 PM
34

I am aware that post partum depression is a very real, hormonal/chemical thing that can happen to any mother even with a loving and nurturing partner... but stories like these make me wonder how many instances of "post partum depression" are really just a reasonable reaction to the grief and weight of learning your husband doesn't really care about you OR your baby even at your most vulnerable and needy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/01/22 12:10 PM
1

It was implied. If he was like "you don't have to cook; let's get takeout", anyone would assume he was offering to buy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 09:16 AM
118

Right! She's clearly smarter and more accomplished than he is. She's getting her freaking doctorate and he's held back and trying to impress freshmen.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 07:13 AM
56

Yeah. Wide-eyed aggressive lookin' face
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/01/22 03:21 AM
6

I noticed you said 'her', sorry for being heteronormative. I debated how to word the sentence but went with what seemed most grammatically straightforward. Yeah, that's so rude of her to laugh! And ugh, instant coffee 💀 nooo You sound like a thoughtful date, and I can see why you'd want that level of care returned
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 10:52 AM
6

This is reminding me, there was a clip here on reddit a while back of a child playing basketball with her dad and he keeps thwarting her-- so she punches him in the junk, and then scores while he's doubled over. Except the child maybe wasn't a she, but a little boy with long hair. The comment section was full of people correcting this error. God forbid anyone mistake a little boy for a girl. Same principle, different application
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 10:47 AM
2

"this isn’t kosher right now and not right in the political climate" It's not right ever, Jason.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 10:13 AM
9

Huh, I always would have just brought my own toothbrush. On the one hand, I never would have expected a man to buy one to keep at his place for you, but on the other hand I have like 6+ fresh, spare toothbrushes that I keep around in case company / family ever needs one so.. it's not like it's hard. It's almost kind of weird that a grown adult wouldn't have an extra toothbrush just laying around.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/01/22 09:59 AM
10

And don't forget, still expected to sleep with him, even though he's neglected his own body
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 04:45 AM
174

It also makes him have more free time whereas her free time has really been unchanged (very much the case in OP) Yes. I bet it's driving OP crazy to watch him sit around, knowing he could be cutting her workload down and he's just choosing not to. Thinking of all the things he could be doing in service of the household, but he's not. I can absolutely see why she'd like to go back to having his ineptitude out of sight and out of mind. Much easier to be content with how things are if it's not dang…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:53 AM
91

"It started a fight where she wanted me to go to therapy and do more around the house" This discussion did not start that fight, that's a fight that started years ago, I promise you. And if anyone ever tells you they think you should go to therapy, just go. Especially if it's the person who spends the most time with you and knows you best. There's very little downside to going to therapy when you "don't need it". Even people in a good place can benefit from it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/01/22 03:48 AM
104

Women's bladders are also smaller, so we pee more times in a day than men, which means more toilet paper also.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/01/22 09:37 AM
2

Aw I love Sofia Vergara! She's so talented. The physical gestures, the little slap, the edge in her voice-- this bit is really well acted by her.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 09:08 PM
16

Second, if she has to tell him she came, it's most likely not true and she only did to stroke his ego. Actually, yeah, good point. Would she even say anything unless he asked first?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 11:29 AM
17

Oh, I assumed he meant his expeience with AAA. Like he wanted her to check that he'd made it home safely or somesuch
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 11:18 AM
27

How does he treat women who aren't attractive to him? (If applicable, how does he treat pets or children?) Does he talk over people and hog conversation, or on the flip side, does he go out of his way to make sure everyone is included and noticed? Does he offer to help the host, with dishes, pick up, carrying things etc. Did he bring anything? Is he cooperative and agreeable with the group or selfish and disinterested? What do other people who have known him longer have to say about him? If it c…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 11:07 AM
14

It depends on how good you are at noticing, to an extent, doesn't it? A man may reveal a flaw in week one that a keen-eyed woman with a strong sense of what makes a healthy relationship could catch. But the same man might keep a different woman complacent and making excuses for years. He'll have the same "mask slip" at week one, but she won't see it because abuse is normalized to her. The standard really, truly should be: no disrespect, no unkindness, no sharpness, no rudeness. Abundant love and…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:37 AM
14

??? How the hell did he think "I forgot you were coming" was in any way believable? "Oh, uhh, I just forgot we planned a vacation together and you scheduled and paid for this airbnb and discussed plans with me for arrival... oopsie!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 10:10 AM
6

The fact that he's hiding therapy from you is super concerning. Not because therapy is sinister by itself, but because it indicates him putting up a wall between you two. He's not open to you, he won't be vulnerable, he's not connecting. Some part of him is reserved and he won't share it with you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 09:57 AM
2

It may seem sad for your kids that he doesn't spend much time with them, but honestly the less they're exposed to him, the better. It's a good thing that he won't be around to model bad behavior and abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/22 09:49 AM
6

It's abuse to say mean things about your partner. Like already, it's abusive to call someone dumb. Next up, when you cry- for any reason- your partner should be concerned about you and comfort you. A loving partner who believed they'd done nothing wrong would still apologize and be concerned that they had hurt your feelings accidentally. If someone loves you, they will comfort you and make sure you are taken care of even when they're mad at you. As for the phrase, "I feel blamed", yeah that's ma…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 09:51 PM
14

I'm autistic/ on the spectrum. I personally believe that neurodivergent people like me have a responsibility to get their social skills up to par. It is harder to learn and not intuitive for us, but it can still be studied and developed. Especially when you are around the same person all the time. You can definitely learn to read this specific person's patterns, reactions and facial expressions. To claim otherwise is to claim that you cannot learn. It's like the difference between someone who ca…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/22 08:38 PM
1

Youtube is a great place to learn home repair skills. Just search what you're trying to do and there will be tutorials. But also I'd like to recommend "seejanedrill" and "GET HANDS DIRTY" as female-run home improvment / repair channels. If you have pinterest, I quite like watching the "jalepeno solutions" clips. Idk if he's on other platforms. I try to center women in the media I consume, and he is male, but his videos are really clear, quick and digestible.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 09:19 PM
3

I mean, he could only list two examples when he was trying to talk himself up, soo...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 09:13 PM
6

Thank you for your hard work 🙏
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 08:13 PM
22

Thank you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 04:56 AM
212

Reddit started as a very male-dominated site and really pretty 4chan adjacent as far as content goes. Starting 6 years ago when they brought in Ellen Pao as CEO briefly, they started banning more immoral subs and trying to clean up the site. While there was certainly nice and funny content too, like aww or instantregret, there was also a LOT a lot of terrible shit on reddit when I joined seven years ago. We're talking necrophilia, snuff, shock and gore, open racism etc. More porn than you could …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/22 02:11 AM
1

Thank you! That is really good to know.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/12/21 09:20 PM
3

Fyi you accidentally posted this comment three times
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/12/21 12:28 AM
5

I saw somewhere once that we can come to correlate fear with arousal. That was a lightbulb moment for me tackling similar problems. Everything not loving that excited me could be traced back to that little leap of fear. I'm still not 100% sure what to do about that but I try to channel that desire away from things like being pounced on or coercion and into less harmful ideas, like fear of rejection, will they/won't they agnst and pining. You'll have to change what you think about when you're goi…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 08:04 PM
3

Yep! But they could always just ask too-- I usually wind up asking the clothing / shoe sizes of people I'm buying gifts for before I've even chosen what I'm getting them. I need the info just in case I decide on clothes. I don't think it spoils the surprise because I may wind up getting them something completely different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 11:21 AM
3

Damn, good for you! I love to see women conquer ♡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:45 AM
2

I don't see anything wrong with parents / adults each having a hobby room for themselves that's just theirs. I think if the man has one, the woman should too. I live with my bf (I know that's not recommended but I'm not promoting it) in a 2 bedroom apt. One is our shared bedroom and the other room is mine, which I dedicate to art supply storage and my religion. If we could upgrade to an additional room I would give it over to him, because I'd like to get his PC out of the bedroom, and all his co…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:38 AM
1

Yeah... a fact I am coming to terms with yet also quite rankled by... but what can you do, I guess?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 10:22 AM
2

Yw! Same
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:57 PM
108

You may be onto something here... maybe being served food he didn't help make, by someone else, like a child, along with the children, waiting in turn just like them, makes him feel... childish! (Because he is.) But instead of helping with dinner, learning to cook and/or serving himself, he concludes that the solution needs to be a ceremonial distinction between the adult man who gets fed, and the children who get fed. And of course it's on the woman to introduce and uphold that imaginary distin…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:41 PM
63

What do you mean by "what's with the y'alls"? Southern people exist and we just talk like that lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:36 PM
2

It was a collection of christmas card / holiday photo images of husbands standing over their wives and daughters. The woman and girls have duct tape on their mouths and are tied up in Christmas lights. They're captioned "finally, peace on earth" or similar. In at least one image the family has sons as well and they are not tied and gagged with the girls. Most of the families are all daughters. These photos are staged in a way that is meant to present them as comedic and festive. There were 4-6 i…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:26 PM
3

It's not super new. I remember seeing a few of those pics a couple years back. I bet it makes the rounds on pinterest boards and mommy blogs about "cute christmas card ideas".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 09:20 PM
37

Yes-- in a dating relationship, the woman adds value to the man's life in the form of wisdom, mental load labor, attention to detail, social skills, and all sorts of easily overlooked logistic efforts. Not to mention cleaning, cooking, sex and emotional comfort. Can a man do these in return? Of course, and they usually provide some of them, but the odds are incredibly high that it will be unequally weighted with the woman doing far more. A way of recognizing and balancing that is for men to pay …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/12/21 08:46 PM
3

Budget Baddies, maybe. Then again, even though "baddie" has positive connotations it does literally use the root word "bad"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/12/21 10:37 AM
10

Each of these men is confidently stating that they cannot even imagine a scenario where they valued spending time with a woman solely for her company, wit, accomplishment, skill, insight, or intellect. And they don't believe any other man would ever entertain such a scenario either.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 10:28 PM
5

This is exactly true. Every patriarchal household I've ever seen, the wife already leads in the sense of, she does all the work, all the planning, takes all the initiative, knows how everything works. And if the husband ever helps, he has to be given step-by-step instruction by her. The husband gets the honor, the credit, "authority" in that if he decides he wants to mess with how she's running things, she's supposed to let him. And he has all the power, financially, legally, physically and psyc…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 09:59 PM
82

That's an intetesting point. I feel like if the woman does call first, it plays into our social script of "the one who calls does the asking out". And it's cascading from there, "the one who asked should pay", "the one who plans things should always handle logistics". I think men tend to be very lazy / half-assed about planning and logistics. I can see this approach being respectful and low pressure... but it is also passive and reduces the amount of planning and forethought the man needs to do.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 09:19 PM
3

Truth
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/12/21 12:17 AM
6

😂 You're making me remember the year I only drank black coffee as a teenager, even though I hated it, because I wanted to seem tough. I doubt anyone ever even noticed.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 03:15 AM
65

Does anyone know which male subcultures use the word "lizardbrain" regularly? Like this guy did. I know someone in person who uses that word and I feel like it could be a tell to how he spends his online time. I checked the post history of the guy who used it in this screengrab. He frequents purple pill debates, sex-based subreddits, weightlifting dating advice subreddits, small dick subreddits and has a few comments where he tries to subtly promote redpill. The guy I know is also very into fitn…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 07:07 PM
29

People imitate whoever they spend time with, I think
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/12/21 05:32 PM
6

I want my bf to take my last name tbh
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/12/21 07:47 AM
13

I'm sorry hun. I hope you feel better soon. You deserve to be treated well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 11:15 PM
2

I feel like these guys usually get roasted on AITA* but you're 100% right about why they post there in the first place. They're so full of themselves that they're sure everyone in the audience will agree with them, and they want to be affirmed. *Then again I only read the ones that blow up. Idk about the average posts
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:20 PM
2

I vaguely remember that post... I think it was on AITA also, and from memory OP's girlfriend collected mason jars and drank out of them like cups. He thought it was weird / trashy so he tossed her stuff.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:12 PM
3

This is a good point. Now I'm reminded of that AITA post where OP threw away his girlfriend's vast and expensive collection of skincare products.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 09:02 PM
1

Acting like a mundane, small difference in how you like to do things is an embarrassment or somehow shameful, wrong, or weird, is something that has always bothered me immensely. It's so stepford wife, so rigid and irrational. (And in this example, probably racist, too.) Same with mistakes. One time I was late for a flight and missed it. My bf at the time thought that was "disrespectful" so he lied to his family about it, and told them my flight was delayed. He was embarrassed by the idea of his…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 08:56 PM
1

That's exactly what I was thinking. It doesn't count as an apology if everyone can tell you don't mean it and aren't actually remorseful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/12/21 07:55 PM
6

Netflix just keeps on making horrible content specifically for pickmeishas and LVM Tbh I think these movies are made to teach women how to be pick-mes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:22 PM
22

Yeahhh. Very likely.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/11/21 08:03 PM
36

"Shut up, it IS TOO a real job! Shut up, shut up-- I'm banning you!"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:44 PM
29

Oh, I bet you're right!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:35 AM
102

That's a damn good point. If they were really splitting childcare evenly then he would be too busy watching his children to hang out with his bros.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:35 AM
155

Also a red flag that she's not in contact with her own family. He was all "you're lucky my friends even want to be around you", implying her family had rejected her. That sounds like classic abuser "isolate you from any kind of support group" tactics.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/11/21 09:32 AM
7

Did she really need a 16 year old telling her this wasn't going to be a long term thing? Well, pops certainly wasn't chosing to date 21 yr olds for their keen insight and awareness. I don't think it's fair to blame her for being naive when this older man is selecting the women he pursues because of their naivety.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/11/21 06:13 AM
7

I'm not really active in gay spaces so I can't speak to that, but it's definitely an insult. It means "weird" or "freak".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 09:24 PM
5

Thank you! I really appreciate that! :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 09:23 PM
30

I may be bisexual but I don't fucking want to be called "queer", wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/11/21 03:55 AM
164

WHY is it purple???
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 12:06 PM
11

I dated a guy who negged me for using a wire trash can in my bedroom without a liner, does that count? I know exactly what you mean, though. I live with my boyfriend and this is my biggest complaint. He's pretty willing to clean / eager to do his share, but I feel like he doesn't know how to do anything thoroughly, and generally only tackles surface-level basics. He'll do dishes, sweep, wipe the counters... but I don't think he's ever cleaned the microwave or wiped down the face of the dishwashe…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/11/21 11:53 AM
12

I got the impression that he was hoping he had you on lock, and once you were a done deal he could stop putting so much effort in. He wanted to keep you but also gradually get you used to accepting less from him. But you made it clear you wouldn't be pulled into that, so he cut his losses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/11/21 11:00 PM
44

"Why do you have to ruin a nice evening" is so telling. If you're already upset, then your evening is already compromised. He wants you to suffer in silence so other people can enjoy themselves, but he doesn't give a fuck that you're already not having a good time. Someone genuinely interested in making sure everyone had a nice night would want to tend to and solve your concerns as swiftly as possible, not just push them aside because you don't count as "everyone".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 08:20 PM
93

Yes, I've heard it, and it instantly filled me with rage. Not only is it not a good message for women, it's also shameless propaganda promoting those corporate chains and pushing the idea that you should be happy and content with being poor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 03:11 AM
16

I really liked the Fear Street trilogy, except for one particular death that felt too gruesome to me. It is a story about.. well, a lot of things, but in part how men slander and defame women and how white men (people?) built their own success on the suffering of others. These are series, but I also really liked the Haunting of Hill House (mainly about dysfunctional sibling relationships) and Midnight Mass (about how religion can mutate in isolated areas).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/21 02:51 AM
2

One of the worst ones I've seen recently was Holidate. That man was a total scumbag
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 08:23 AM
4

It's telling that they think muscle mass and strength are "better" anyway. Women have higher pain tolerance, are far better on endurance-based strength tasks, and are much better at surviving famine and resisting disease. Men are better at quick-burst efforts like sprinting and throwing. It's bias to say being able to throw a harder punch is "stronger" than being able to survive harsh conditions. Men are different, not better.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 06:53 AM
1

I agree with you, every organized religion I've ever read about has anti-woman shit baked right into the foundation. I'm not part of any organized religion, but I still believe in something out there and have developed my own practice. My beliefs tend towards animism, connection to the land and to my ancestors, although I'll admit I have a lot more favor for my female ancestors than the male ones.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/21 08:55 AM
2

Do you mean people with severe cases or everyone on the spectrum? I've got asperger's and my father wasn't old when my parents had me. I know old age of the father does increase risk of autism, but it's def not the only factor.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 11:00 PM
52

Oh, that's a really good point. Nutrition and stress do have a really big impact on appearance. And so does clothing, but our high national poverty rates and the lousy quality of affordable clothes means outfits look crappier too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 09:01 PM
68

I live on the east coast / appalachia. I once visited a friend in Arizona and met his classmates. I was floored by how much higher the percentage of good-looking guys was, compared to my school. Much stronger chins. Just better looking in general. My theory is that hot people pursuing acting and modeling careers move to California, settled in the surrounding areas and brought the relative hotness of the local gene pool up. But whether that's why or not, I can definitely second that physical attr…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/10/21 08:57 PM
1

I heard someone say once, paraphrased, "it's not that you attract toxic people. They're not drawn to you; they'll settle for anyone. It's that you're don't filter them out." People who are either destructive or self-destructive are just always around. You're not cursed. They'll just latch on to anyone who passes by. You're likely connecting with people like this for a few reasons. You have a background in common with them, maybe. Or you share personality traits or habits with them that make them…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 10:48 AM
2

My bf and I often use phrases like, "okay that's fair", "thank you for telling me"/"I appreciate you sharing how you feel", "you brought up a good point but what about this counterpoint?", "I don't agree" (straightforward and not trying to be manipulative) possibly with "but I respect your opinion". Sometimes maybe "I'm going to have to give that more thought." Or "I disagree but I'm not sure why; I'm going to need to review my emotional reactions."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 06:58 AM
1

You're welcome. I hope you feel better soon!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/09/21 01:15 AM
13

I agree. Obviously you'll want to block him going forward but the blame is on him. He's the one who's done something wrong.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:55 PM
47

It sounds like part of the distress you're feeling is a fear of having to date this man again. Good news, you don't have to do that! You don't want to get with that guy ever again and, you will never have to. Knowing a fear is illogical doesn't always stop it from being there, but sometimes it helps. You're free! You don't need to deal with him anymore. You don't need "proof" he's been calling you repeatedly. You witnessed it, that is proof. Are you worried about having to defend your perception…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:51 PM
12

I really enjoyed that article, thanks for sharing!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:40 PM
18

It sounds like you have pretty high emotional intelligence, good for you
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/21 07:28 PM
1

In “The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work” Dr. John Gottman says, “Keep working on your unresolvable conflicts. Couples who are demanding of their marriage are more likely to have deeply satisfying unions than those who lower their expectations.” Also WOW, you're right, she seriously missed the point
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 06:21 PM
1

Thank you for sharing this!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 06:19 PM
1

I think that really depends on the religion. You can have different religions and still share values. I'm pagan while my bf is agnostic/ atheist, and that's not causing any friction for us. But our moral values are very closely aligned. But I def agree with you about non-monogamy.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 06:18 PM
2

"She became his therapist" Not only is that so much undue stress on your relationship, an unhealthy way to relate to your gf, and a lot of work expected from her for free... she doesn't even have the authority of the therapist to call you on shit and tell you to do things differently. That's probably part of why they won't go to therapy, because a therapist would hold them accountable and insist they make changes to they way they think and act.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 05:41 PM
6

I think that they're not really told to suppress their emotions, just the tender ones-- compassion, vulnerability, fear. But they're coddled and supported if they push those experiences into "acceptable" versions like anger, sulking, guilt-tripping, scolding and taking offense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 05:30 PM
2

u/misscyansiren made a post with links to it here
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 08:23 AM
1

I think he saw the tiktoks and then called to talk about it while pretending he didn't already know about them. She mentions in a later video that she had to block him on tiktok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 08:17 AM
10

Ugh. People standing too close to me in line is literally my biggest pet peeve and that was before covid
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 07:52 AM
3

You're welcome! ♡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 07:09 AM
22

You are great at what you do, people are going to love your work, and things are going to be okay. Look at how far you've made it in life, even with parents like that kneecapping you from the start. Look at everything you've learned, all the skills you have built up for your own damn self. You can rely on your own talent and labor. You can trust yourself. You're going to do a good job.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 03:17 AM
1

My jaw dropped when I got to the $900 part!! I fully expected this to be some bullshit 'sex, housework and slavery for housing' and that's already a ridiculously raw deal... but all that and he hopes he could get some woman to pay him for the displeasure??
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 03:04 AM
0

Okay, that makes sense! Perhaps I made my statement a little too broad. My gut reaction definitely came from thinking about how I was when I was 19-20 and I was upset to learn a male partner of mine was bisexual. I was just homophobic. (raised that way, but I learned better)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 02:53 AM
3

Gay people wanting to only date other gay people makes sense to me, if their reason is they want to date someone who can share their experiences of being exclusively same-sex attracted. They want someone who can understand how they feel in a world where they've been cut off from that connection with people like them and told that they're strange and incorrect for being who they are. Perhaps you could say a straight person is also looking for that level of understanding in their relationship, but…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 01:34 AM
69

Men are taught to ignore women's anger, boundaries and requests. If you're gentle about it they can blow it off because "it's not that serious yet". Then they get to do what they want instead. If you get fierce or insistent, they'll treat you as if you're being unreasonable and wild. The point is to keep you meeker and therefore easy to blow off and ignore. All men do this, unless they've been made aware of the pattern and are applying a deliberate effort to change. Because all men have had this…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 09:21 PM
3

"We put off having kids because he needed the money to reinvest in his company." I cannot understand why there are people who actively plan to have children together before getting married. It's so incredibly foolish, financially/legally, that it basically sounds like "my retirement plan is to win big playing slots".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 07:25 PM
9

Would they choose it if their financial needs were easily met another way? Is economic coercion really a freely a made choice?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 07:29 AM
5

You don't have to have penetrative sex ever again. That is an option, and your right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:57 AM
2

Oh wow. I wasn't expecting this to delve into so much violence from the start of the story. Maybe you could throw up a trigger warning at the the top. I'm so sorry you were victimized by this man. I'm glad you've found comfort and good advice in FDS.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/09/21 08:56 AM
2

I almsot wonder if he wrote it, with that line in there about "I gave my voice to my husband".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 09:09 PM
2

I'd bet he agreed before looking up the restaurant and checking on prices.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 09:02 PM
2

I hope you would consider not dating men who call women "bitches" going forward. That's a red flag all by itself. I'm sorry these awful men target you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 08:27 PM
1

To be fair, what's researched and getting attention when it happens to men may still be happening to women too, and just going unstudied
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 08:10 PM
2

What a prick!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:57 PM
4

Oh, if he's dropping you off, does he wait to make sure you're actually inside with the door shut and locked before taking off?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:53 PM
6

I'm not sure about that. I've always heard it was to protect you from cars driving by, from getting mud splashed on you, hollered at or getting clipped.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:52 PM
3

He's literally less mature than the day he was born. He came in to this world covered in a woman's blood, then grew up to be afraid of it. Weaker than an infant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:46 PM
2

No, he's not. There are lots of men who are nonchalant about period blood and kind and attentive to period symptoms! He does sound great, but it's not rare-- even the abusive narcissist I dated was chill about period blood.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:44 PM
7

The way he responds when you tell him what to do! You will need to be able to ask your partner to do household chores, "can you do the dishes?" etc., and a lot of men bristle at being told what to do by a woman. Watch for that! Sometimes men can have an automatic misogynistic response (such as resenting being asked to do a task). How does he respond when you point it out? I think a HV trait is for them to go, "you're right, I was acting on subconscious sexism, I'm sorry. I'll fix it. That's not …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:37 PM
3

Yes, 100%! "What's wrong, how can I help?" And not "What's wrong with you? Stop it."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:23 PM
2

I totally get that. I'm not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I'm asd also. I put so much effort into acting or presenting an ideal self to my friends and social contacts. It's exhausting so I wind up spending very little time with friends. I do it automatically. I'm trying to learn a better approach too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:16 PM
2

What do you mean by "we know men can't love as much as women do?" I feel you're making some assumptions that aren't necessarily true. "Men are less like to compromise on what they want"-- even if that is true, you're placing it on top of the unspoken belief that no man would ever want to be with an autistic woman. Which is bullshit. This is just my two cents, but I think you'd want to find a partner who likes the way you act when you're being natural. So the quickest way to do that is to unmask …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/21 07:08 PM
6

That makes sense! When I did EMDR my therapist had me discuss the events I was there for. It still helped me a lot but I wouldn't call the process gentle, it was stressful as hell. I'm glad we're learning better ways to progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 08:46 AM
6

Your comment reminds me of the crappy childhood fairy youtube channel. She has a video on why she felt talk therapy wasn't a good choice for her. She essentially said similar, that telling the stories of what happened to her was too intense and distressing. She found an EMDR therapist who would let her take the treatments while simply recalling (and not sharing out loud) the painful memories. I hope that becomes widely available. It's definitely important to find what works for you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 07:39 AM
4

There's a gesture that emulates sticking two fingers in the vaginal canal and one up the anus which is called "the shocker", so perhaps she's referring to unwanted and unexpected anal penetration. Etymologically, I think "shock" in this context uses the meaning of "surprise".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 04:21 AM
31

You can try and seek out a support group / other women who were groomed as girls. Trauma-informed therapy is a good suggestion, and if you think you have PTSD, so is EMDR therapy. I think you'll find your experiences are unfortunately common. Many women who were online as children or teenagers have had some form of exposure to pedophilia. I'm no exception. I'm sorry he abused you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:56 AM
10

Oh, thanks!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:39 AM
44

You're not making it up, you're right. Catcalling is an intimidation tactic. It makes the men who do it feel powerful, and it's an effort to keep women in their place-- timid, compliant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/21 02:39 AM
2

Eww. How delusional and entitled
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:57 PM
5

No, it's not trauma lying to you, that kind of behavior from men is alarming and dangerous. It's normalized in our society, which is why your friends brushed it off, but tons of dangerous bullshit is currently normalized by society. That doesn't mean society's right.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:53 PM
1

"Motherless", I love that
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/08/21 10:50 PM
1

Seconded, except "radical feminism" is a branch of feminism dedicated to examining the root cause of misogyny and patriarchy. The word "radical" refers to the concept of "root", "origin". People tend to hear the word "radical" and apply the modern day meaning of "extreme". This branch of feminism predates that word association, I think. I do wonder if it's time for a rebrand, though.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/08/21 03:43 PM
121

"Don't even deserve anything", please. You deserve human rights, shelter, food, water, the right to vote, free speech, medical care, access to therapy, a living wage, access to unpolluted nature, access to support groups, the opportunity to pursue friendships and build relationships. I know that all human beings need love, and it can seem cruel to be told that you're not entitled to it, but you're not. Relationships are a two way street. You don't have a right to demand that other people meet yo…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/21 08:31 PM
1

That's a really good point. He doesn't even mention this woman's personality or try to claim he loves her. Maybe some vague allusions-- she has "a great heart and other good qualities", and that his "heart was with her", but that's it. It's all about how pretty she is, her body, and him jerking it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 01:16 AM
1

I pure hate it that men masturbate to social media pics, that's so fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/08/21 01:12 AM
1

I think you handled it smartly. What did you wind up saying to him? I would be inclined to tell him off but it may not have been safe to do that. I feel like when we are confronted with these situations, the hardest choice is always between aggression and safety. One hopes that if you respond aggressively, it will be a negative experience for him too, and he'll think twice about doing it next time. And that the men who overhear you may think twice about ever doing the same thing. It is sometimes…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/08/21 09:20 PM
19

And never tell a man "I googled you and found... is it true?!". If he's an abuser that might trigger him to get violent. Also, if it is true, he has every reason to lie to you and say it's not. Like, what reaction are you even looking for? "Ahhh, you caught me. Yeah, yeah, I did lie, haha. Almost had you though!" ?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/08/21 10:36 PM
2

Okay, that's quite helpful! Thank you :)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/21 05:04 PM
3

Lol yeah. I know a guy who happened to punch right where the stud was... he broke many hand bones with that move.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 11:02 AM
5

You know what? That's exactly it. He thinks she's impulsive because she doesn't run it by him first, so it seems abrupt and out of nowhere to him. Nothing he described sounds irresponsible or erratic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:42 AM
2

That was really strange to me! It might be a regional thing or maybe that I just don't go out a whole lot, but I've never even heard of someone splitting a dinner bill 50/50. It's always done by order, the waitstaff won't even ask, once they know you want it seperate then it gets split by who ordered what.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:29 AM
1

I've heard a man call it his "lizard brain"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/21 10:15 AM
1

She probably is, it's from a gaming webcomic
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:45 AM
3

It's called Critical Miss; it's a webcomic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:33 AM
1

Woww
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/07/21 05:19 AM
3

Legit, he served you canned corn?? What the fuck
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:28 PM
1

Man, that's annoying! Words have meanings. 😑 If someone tells me they're a foodie, I'm expecting an adventurous eater, a fondness for unique or odd flavor combos, and a robust skill level of at-home cooking.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/07/21 08:20 PM
5

I have a strategy for this, it might already be what you mean by "gently ghost" though. With clingy guys I wanted to stop talking to, I would start small, wait an hour or a few hours to answer their texts. But I would always answer eventually. At this point they are anxious and hanging on to every text, worried if you'll respond. Being consistent gets them used to the idea that you're reliable and will answer eventually, just not right away, which will let their anxiety ease off. After a few day…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:49 PM
5

I think the jist of that post was more like, men will text you just to pull your name to the top of their text messages, so that they can easily find any pictures or texts you sent that might be good spank material.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:27 PM
3

I stopped talking to a guy once for the same (but also opposite reason). I didn't like talking on the phone, it would monopolize my time while I liked being able to focus on something else and text back at my leisure. The guy pursuing me would keep calling me, and after I took a few calls and ignored many more, I told him I would prefer only to text. I'm going from memory but I'm pretty sure he literally called me to ask why. He wouldn't respect that boundary I put down, so I cut him off. I'll s…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 09:18 PM
14

Same with sex, don't put so much effort into "do I look good, is he into me, did he like that, is he attracted to me?" but instead flip it. Does he look good, am I attracted to him? Is he sexy? Do I like what he's doing?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/07/21 08:57 PM
3

Thank you! This was a really gracious response, and it means a lot to me ♡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 10:50 PM
13

This was a great epiphany to have! It's so important to untangle our own hidden motivations like this, good for you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 11:17 AM
82

I don't appreciate blaming misogyny and entitlement on autism, please don't do that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 10:57 AM
1

You're welcome!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/07/21 09:28 AM
155

Right-- "okay, explain the joke, then".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:49 PM
5

Yeah, best case scenario he wants to reprimand his friends but isn't willing to take a hard stance or rock the boat too much. Worst case, he doesn't care at all.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:38 PM
44

Here you go. It was just on the FDS front page yesterday, I think
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:22 PM
218

A man, finally paying attention to body language and microexpressions for the first time in his life: is this some kind of secret code?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:18 PM
52

Lmao wtf, what an asshole
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:17 PM
115

Idk if it was made up or not, but that reminds me of a reddit post I saw once. A woman told her story about how her ex married her just because he had a fetish for cheating on his wedding night! He left her about a week after they married
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:11 PM
6

Reminder: 40% of american cops admit to beating their wives. That's just the number who will talk openly about it. Being a cop is automatically a LVM red flag.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/07/21 08:06 PM
3

All that energy you pour into him... It's not your job to cradle his feelings like that. He doesn't need you to do it. It's unbalanced.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:44 PM
1

It sounds like you are under a ton of emotional and physical stress. When a person is carrying all that, it can be hard to summon up the energy to tackle big problems. It's understandable that it seems daunting, too big. But I hope you can see that he is a load-bearing problem. If you can muster the energy to remove him from your life, everything will get easier.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:42 PM
3

Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about. It describes my dad too... when he met my mom, she was poor and a recovered addict from an abusive home. He loved buying her gifts and being her hero. At the time he was modestly employed and just starting out. Now he makes a pretty spiffy income, but after my parents divorced, he went for a broke, illegal immigrant with a bad back. She's not on his level, at all, but that's what he likes. And I think it's because he doesn't really believe himself to b…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 01:17 PM
3

Can I trouble you for a mosquito repellant recommendation? I don't like the one I have because if I miss a spot, they'll bite me there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:29 PM
6

Just to expound a bit more... how many times have you looked up how to clean a specific thing, how to treat a stain, how often something should be cleaned, or looked up those cleaning schedules that mommy blogs put out, or read up on strategies and tips for how to clean more efficiently? And how many times do you think men do that?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:13 PM
10

You didn't mention cleaning. He can pay half for all the cleaning supplies but is he going to use them? And when he cleans, will it be with equal thoroughness and attention to detail? Bet not. Bet he doesn't even notice the thin line of grime where the sink meets the counter. Bet he doesn't wipe the cabinet faces or behind the faucet. Women wind up doing way more of the cleaning because men don't even know the half of what cleaning chores exist to be done, or how to do them. But is he going to e…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 12:07 PM
3

Yeah, between her mom and her therapist, which one has actually met him and spent time with him?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 11:03 AM
2

Absolutely. The whole thing has cherished idol vibes-- an icon reminding him and everyone how he was able to snag such a hot-bodied woman, a monument of how great he is, what he managed to achieve. And not only that but a display of artistic skill, sure to impress everyone who sees it. Of course he wants to show it off to everyone; that's why he made it. That sculpture was 100% for his ego. Her mom's probably right about him being narcissistic and abusive. Also I bet he's jacked off to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 11:01 AM
2

I know! What an awful gift! Here, have this human-sized statue I am obligating you to keep for the rest of your life. Oh and btw, it's also extremely embarrasing in content.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:57 AM
1

God, you're right. It's beautiful. "Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't consent to me getting rid of the statue? Huh, it's almost like a loved one ignoring your wishes is deeply hurtful! Wild."
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:55 AM
2

"My phone died"
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 10:08 AM
19

I feel like I've observed a trend of men gravitating towards women with a lot of trouble on their plate like that-- anxious women, traumatized women, poor, recovering addict, injured, etc. These men like to be with a woman they think they can "help" because they feel inadequate, insecure. They would rather be with a woman who "needs" them, and they would rather feel like a hero who swoops in and improves someone else's life. Obviously there are also predators who seek vulnerable women out, but I…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/07/21 09:08 AM
2

I wonder if they post hunting/fishing pics because those are the only pictures they have on hand of themselves, and they're too lazy to take new ones?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 10:04 AM
9

Congrats on not having to put up with that shit anymore
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 05:13 AM
14

I wanted to know how that would look in terms of percentages-- if you had split your combined bills according to how much you each made, you should have only been responsible for paying 14.3% of the expenses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 03:38 AM
65

She should have! I see too many women have an accidental pregnancy with some asshole fling and keep it. That's a lifetime connection to that prick-- keeping the baby is swearing yourself to having that man connected to your life in some way, forever. It is not worth it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 03:29 AM
50

When my dad divorced my mom at age 60, he said he was choosing to go after younger women because women his age had "too much baggage". And what do you call all this shit you have?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/07/21 03:23 AM
5

oh my god me too
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/21 12:33 AM
62

Men on reddit act like the courts wildly favor women in custody cases, but that's not actually true.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/05/21 09:36 AM
23

I don't know if it's a good mindset to "pray you never have to use it". If you're going to carry a weapon, I think you should be mentally and emotionally prepared to use it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/05/21 06:29 PM
11

This is the first story I've heard that's ever made me want to have kids (if only briefly). What a legend!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/04/21 08:59 PM
4

"And now she walks around saying x" That's such a weird, dismissive way to describe it. Reminds me of the 'b*tch eating crackers' meme. Anyway what a disgusting, selfish asshole. He has no concern at all for how she feels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 08:09 PM
8

This makes sense to me. When I'm shopping, and I'm looking at something with high price points like furniture, I catch myself getting used to the price range and going "ooh! Only $400, while most of this stuff is $600+, that one's cheap!" even if I started out with a budget in mind of like 100-200. And if I'm looking at a store where I think a lot of what they offer is ugly, or low-quality, when I find something that's kinda cute I think "oh! I like that one!". But come back to it later and you …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/04/21 07:48 PM
2

Good points
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 07:55 AM
3

Oh my god. My mom loved that show so I've seen a lot of it. It becomes a plot point that he refuses to get married when she wants to, another that he wants her to convert to catholicism because his mom wants it. He talked a colleage out of writing a letter of recommendation for mindy (I think bc he was jealous), he bought a house for the two of them without discussing it with her first. He hid that he was still legally married to his "ex" wife. He didn't come to their kid's baby shower bc he was…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/04/21 02:46 AM
36

"Well, he's not, because my soulmate would pursue me." Just like how when people say an ex was perfect for them-- they weren't, actually, because whoever's perfect for you will love you back. I don't believe in soulmates, buy surely someone can't be both your "soulmate" and have a glaring character flaw that irritates you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 09:07 PM
6

I have always thought this has something to do with how men care a lot about that their partner looks like. Het men, even ones who don't take care of themselves, want a smokeshow of a woman, they want her to be fit and meticulously well-groomed. But women tend to look past the physical more, so he doesn't have to match her efforts. But if he wanted to date other men, well, their standards for what they want are as high as his own, right? So he has to put in the effort. Basically I think gay men …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:55 PM
5

I was with a guy once who hinted at needing a wife and talked about his plans for how he wanted to raise his kids, but refused to label our relationship or agree we were boyfriend/girlfriend. It was so confusing and weird. He said he wanted to be "sexually exclusive" but not call it by a name. Probably the most frustrating human interactions I've ever had. And it never seemed like he was doing it on purpose to fuck with me. I just accepted it when he said he was confused about himself and didn't…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:37 PM
15

It's been a while since I watched the show but he came off rather pornsick and hyper-sexual. He had a mural of tentacle monster porn in his closet, didn't he?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:21 PM
8

Oh my god, yeah. Can we do Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project next?? Some things that bug me about Nick just from memory are: refusing to hire someone to fix things properly and just halfassing it himself, grouchy old lump, doesn't take care of himself at all-- beyond appearance and exercise his diet was crap. I also hated how all his ex-gfs were "crazy", although you could say that's a problem with the plot in general and not the character.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/04/21 08:19 PM
12

I'm so glad I got out of the dating scene before "eating ass" became a thing. When I was in college (2008-11), even anal sex was taboo, something almost no one did. If someone admitted to it, everyone would quietly judge them as gross and weird. The idea of licking an asshole just wasn't even around. No one thought about it, no one did it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/03/21 08:29 PM
26

Oof the cry-typing 💀
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:35 AM
6

Yes, Jello is actually a brand name for a type of food called gelatin, but its far and away the most popular brand in America so the word "jello" has become synonymous with "gelatin" here. You can, however, buy plain gelatin with no sugar, dye or flavoring. It comes in powder in the US, but sheets are preferred in Europe. It's useful for adding structure to many kinds of desserts while allowing you to flavor it how you please, by changing what flavor of liquid you mix it with.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/03/21 07:27 AM
12

Yeah, that's some fuckery. If you're a one-income household (or perhaps even if you're merging two incomes) you're going to want to agree on budgeting and have guidelines on how much either of you spend at a time. But that's a far cry from waiting on him to give you the money that you normally don't have access to. You should be able to access it for yourself and it definitely shouldn't be called an "allowance" or framed as a stipend of some kind. That's just financial abuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/03/21 03:55 AM
9

There's another reason men "don't care" about a woman's careers, goals or values. A poor woman with no ambition is easier to manipulate and control. A woman without clear-cut morals and priorities is more easily confused and persuaded.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/03/21 01:24 AM
3

costs him the least and benefits him the most Excellent point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:36 PM
4

If buying things is so low effort, why don't you end this whole fuss by just quickly and easily acquiescing? If she's asking for it and it's so easy to grant her request, why not just do that? Also no, so many people in past generations had long marriages because divorce was illegal and women weren't allowed to work outside the home and provide for themselves without a husband.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 12:30 PM
16

Men in general seem to be so fucking arrogant about weight loss. They don't even consider that their personal experiences with their own bodies aren't universal. They seem to think that what worked for them, once, on a moderate scale, will work for anyone at any age, size or sex, and at any scale. Why do men have so much unfounded confidence and certainty?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 11:50 AM
8

I can't stand how many ugly utilitarian spaces exist. I wish every space any human being spends regular time in would be pleasant to look at and be in.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 06:15 AM
6

"All wars"? That doesn't ring true. A cursory google implies otherwise. Maybe a woman-ruled world would foster a social climate where war was no longer turned to, but it's not true to say no woman has ever started a war.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 06:06 AM
6

Phones you can actually hold in one hand / less wide phones... crash test dummies made to women's proprortions, tested in the driver's seat. Medicine tested on female animals and women and not just male animals and men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 05:57 AM
8

Thank you for sharing that. I had no idea and I'm definitely in the potentially affected category.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 03:55 AM
2

Same!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/03/21 03:15 AM
29

This is definitely the reason. There's no push-back against onlyfans or other kinds of sex-work from the general public, because that's what the partiarchy wants women to be doing-- offering themselves up sexually. It might seem like you're getting something from the men because they pay you. But on the other hand it turns you into a purchaseable product, instead of a person with free will whose company and affection has to be earned through respect, trust and kindness. It means they can get som…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/01/21 10:19 PM
17

Specifically women and girls, in fact.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/01/21 11:06 PM
14

I also got good results from EMDR for PTSD.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:43 AM
26

"For some reason all the previous emotional abuse was a slow boiling of my sanity, and I barely considered leaving because I felt sub-human all of the time." This is an incredibly common side-effect of abuse. In fact abusers rely on this phenomenon to keep their victims too addled and distressed to think straight or plan for the future. Don't blame yourself for it. Anyone in your shoes would experience the same emotional and energetic drain and disorientation. I'm so glad to hear you're leaving.…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/01/21 03:42 AM
4

Pinterest, are you serious?? Good lord
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:17 AM
2

And the internet to more efficiently warn and teach one another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/01/21 10:16 AM
4

Oh, I didn't know that distinction! Thank you for teaching me. This is really interesting information.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 10:44 PM
3

I'm not an expert but this is the gist of behavior modification training. Reward desired behavior with positive stimulus; ignore undesired behavior. Negative stimulus is generally counter-productive and hinders your progress. Child development could be different but this method is not harmful to dogs.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 11:32 AM
7

I had a guy dump me and then actually ask if I wanted to have "break-up sex". I declined, obviously. I do wonder if it ever worked for him with anyone else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 11:27 AM
71

Had to look up which Lilo & Stitch character Experiment 623 was.... quality insult
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 08:46 AM
2

Congrats!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/12/20 05:47 AM
3

Good for you. I hope you're still staying away from him. You deserve to be treated well
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/12/20 11:17 AM
6

This is scientifically proven. 1.5 to 2 years is when the happy brain chemicals of a new relationship wear off. That's when you start seeing how someone is going to treat you now that the butterflies are gone, now that the honeymoon period is over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/11/20 04:46 AM
348

Pigtails are a youthful style, which frankly makes it sick that so many men sexualize them. It's the school-girl porn trope.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/20 11:11 AM
6

Probably incomplete and in no particular order: humble, teachable spirit. Willing to learn and change, able to see and admit when he's wrong knows how to cook for himself. Knows all other basic life skills like laundry, cleaning, how to treat a minor wound, how to pay taxes, etc. sees women as equal to men in aptitude, capacity to invent and to learn, etc. relates to women, is able to identify with female characters, able to empathize with women automatically supports mother's rights and abortio…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/10/20 11:00 PM
4

Yeah, it's possible. My bf was not my type when we first met and I wasn't attracted to him. I find him very attractive now. I think accumulated bonding and trust builds attraction.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:44 AM
15

Why is it so hard to recognize that no matter the act in question, it is never equal for man to do something to woman as it for a woman to do something to a man? The context is fucking different. The history is different, the power balance is different. It is smart and fine for a woman to go through a man's phone. She probably has a good reason to be worried, and if he is cheating, she can't ask him outright because he will lie, he will delete proof and he may get violent. Men hide who they trul…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/10/20 01:15 AM
8

A "hug party"?? Wtf
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 07:56 AM
18

That's why I think women should pursue a 60-40 or even 70-30 split, in their relationships. You should look for a man who's willing to give you what he percieves to be 65%, because that's the only way you're gonna actually get 50.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:57 AM
30

I think one of the biggest problems with trying to achieve 50/50 is that men don't know what it looks like. I saw a study that said over 50% of men thought they did an equal amount of housework as their working wives, but only 30% of women agreed with their husbands. Men think when women speak 50% of the time, that they're hogging it and talking more than half. When crowds are half women, they percieve it as if women outnumbered the men. When men witness equality with women, they percieve it as …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 01:54 AM
14

Me too actually.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/10/20 12:56 AM
6

Oh wow, yeah-- if there were no men, I'd feel pretty safe sharing food and accepting food from strangers. I've never thought about that facet, but a safer world would mean it would be safer to offer kindness to strangers. You can't fucking be nice to men you don't know, ever. Odds are too high they'll take it as an invitation to latch onto you and harrass you.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 06:44 PM
11

Oh my god-- falling asleep with the windows open. I've always wanted to do that :( never have
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/09/20 06:39 PM
5

Especially when paired with misogyny. No reason to hate things that are commonly liked by women, or to praise someone for being unlike other women, unless you think of being a typical woman as a bad thing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/09/20 11:10 PM
1

Downvoted? Am I wrong? Urban Dictionary says it's an acronym standing for "suckers idolizing mediocre p*ssy". Of course, urban dictionary isn't always a reliable source-- but if I've got the origin wrong, why not inform me?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:20 PM
2

I'll find you on spinster! I had a look around saidit and outside of gender critical specific content there was a lot of racism and throwing around the n-word. Not keen on joining a site that's filled with reddit's cast-offs, even if reddit kicking out feminists technically makes us reddit's cast-offs too. I have nothing in common with the men on saidit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:27 AM
2

It's a female-centered social media site. Spinster.xyz
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 12:15 AM
2

What's lc?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:15 PM
4

Yeah, same. (Though I've only been around for 6 years)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 10:04 PM
1

What?? That's so weird!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 08:42 PM
2

I think that makes a lot of sense, that men who suggest a coffee date are not taking it seriously enough. Last time I dated I was 20, and I did pretty much date anyone who asked me out. I was also often the one who steered dates towards coffee, for the above reasons. At the time, I also was not looking for commitment and only wanted attention and validation and to find appealing sexual partners. I wouldn't waste my time the same way now at age 29. It's really strange to look back and remember ho…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/06/20 07:21 PM
5

How would you know that before going on the first date though? ',:| On a re-read, maybe my wording was ambigious. I was referring to times when I would go on a date with someone, and only find out when the bill arrived that they wanted to go dutch.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 11:50 PM
7

Please do! I'd like to know why. I have been out of the dating game for nearly a decade but they were once a go-to of mine. My main reasons were: I didn't have much money and didn't want to spend it on restaurants, so if the guy I went with suggested going dutch, I could accept without causing a fuss and only be out the price of a coffee. And just not see him again. And I liked the lack of time constraint on the date-- if it went well I could stay and talk a long time, with no pressure to clear …
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 10:10 PM
31

"Being against porn is totally ok as long as it's only for show and doesn't actually affect your decisions or standards" lmao
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/06/20 09:08 PM
13

Sure, but you can't be conditioned into being gay, and being gay isn't an addiction. It's inherent and natural.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 09:15 AM
41

This isn't exactly the same, but it's similar enough I think this comment fits here. I've been anti-porn a while now, but was reflecting on the themes and messages in porn the other day. It occurred to me that in prisoner-cop roleplays, if the male played a cop, the porn was about the police officer abusing the female inmates and his power over them. But if the cop was played by a woman, then the plot was about the male prisoners catching her off guard and overpowering her, getting "payback".
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/04/20 08:28 AM
3

"makes you laugh, is a good communicator, likes your friends and is in touch with his emotions" -- it's really weird that she's acting like these are fussy requirements when those are basic life skills, things you would expect from anyone you spent any time with. Also, "Start thinking now of men in the world you love, admire and/or respect. " I doubt I could come up with a list of two men that meet this criterea, forget reaching ten!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/03/20 10:53 AM
3

Please don't apologize! I come to the comments to hear other women's stories, surely others do too. I believe ranting about shit men is a valuable service here!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 01:10 PM
6

This one. It came out in January last year, made a small splash.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 01:02 PM
11

I'm so sorry. I'm furious for you-- how dare he treat you like that.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 12:54 PM
10

Not to mention those are all (relative) positions of power, and those types of jobs tend to attract power-hungry narcissists.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/02/20 12:50 PM
2

It means like 'mental catalog of images, memories, people etc. to masturbate to'.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 10:32 PM
2

It seems like there might be other people with your background, who are from a conservative culture but either left for more liberal social circles, or want to. It may be a small group, or hard to find, but you left it off your list completely. I would also encourage you to broaden your analytical approach a little. While it's very useful to sort things into concrete groups and lists for organizing your own thinking, sometimes it can create illusory limitations. Can you really divide all your op…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 06:11 PM
7

I wanna add, my boyfriend seemed really clean when we just met. Months in, I discovered his laundry room was piled high with clothes on the floor and his walk-in closet was jam packed with all sorts of bullshit. If organization is important to you, find out if his idea of decluttering is to just shove everything into a hiding spot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 05:27 PM
1

"We get thousands of new subbies per day partially due to all the hate reposts in the Manosphere." I came here because I saw someone in another subreddit say FDS was "a disgusting and sexist subreddit filled with vile shit" in response to a comment that seemed very reasonable. Seemed like the same kind of angry hyperbole always lobbed at women standing up for themselves, and lo and behold it was. There's nothing vile here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/11/19 01:36 AM
5

I bet many women who've gained weight can relate to that story. I sure can
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/19 11:48 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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