This is why you should NEVER be the breadwinner! ultra huge red flag

HammyLet · 2022-03-21T11:58:08+00:00

Also wanting to be treated well doesn’t make you a “girly girl” 🙄. It’s literally the bare minimum in a heterosexual relationship!

2022-03-21T10:49:32+00:00

Telling that she feels guilty for buying things with her own money. I guess after being with someone who would get mad at you for that, 50/50 would seem like an improvement.

4E4ME · 2022-03-21T08:55:19+00:00

I think the biggest talking point is the fact that even though he didn’t have a job he (and she) felt he had the right to control HER spending HER pay check. To the point where she was hiding buying her own clothes and drugstore toiletries. She talks about being a “sexist” feminist but he was definitely financially abusing her and using her for her money.

ButterfliesHurricane · 2022-03-21T10:16:34+00:00

Sounds like Dean is a loser too. The last sentence reads to me: I was worried at first but then accepted that we were equals even though I was making so much more. Maybe I’m reading this wrong?

She is unable to articulate her needs and wants which is the case for most women (I honestly could have written her story 🙈). The first guy lost his job and got depressed…. Well what did it do about it? She turned from being his wife to being his mother, obviously she wasn’t fulfilled. Having a career and independence is of utmost importance but it doesn’t mean carrying a dead weight. We all go through rough patches, you just pick yourself up and move on. If you can’t due to depression, you have to seek help or at least be open to it. He sounds like it was a cushty deal for him, no indication that he was trying to change it.

Erocitnam · 2022-03-21T13:25:32+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ThrowRA_lantern · 2022-03-21T09:27:20+00:00

Her logic baffles me. She loves being treated like a proper Lady in the relationship and sees how that was the best stage of their relationship, yet concludes that 50/50 is the way. Ok 🥴

And she blames herself for treating herself like a Queen when her LVM should’ve gotten her those gifts in the first place?? He chose to be a lazy Scrote and bring nothing to the table yet she thinks she’s at fault? Nah sis.

Libertia_ · 2022-03-21T13:15:49+00:00

This poor woman is so confused.

The first husband was not -depressed- he just wanted to do nothing. Hell, any guy with good motives will want to be in a good footing before getting married. Not in your worst. Five years of not having a job and guilt tripping her for buying things with her money. Damn. I mean, if they were on a tight budget and barely making the month, yeah I guess he was right. Then again, he wasn’t doing anything to change that tight money.

InappropriateMommie · 2022-03-21T17:04:56+00:00

As the breadwinner in 2 marriages - DO NOT sign up for it, ladies, ever. Why? Because a man will never be a “wife”. He won’t be the support, the planner, the housekeeper, the shopper, the childcare hahahaha he will never. A SAHD is literally having a good time. Wakes up every day just as freshly hatched as the kids.

Also, much like this woman, you feel guilty and put all the money into the house so you never get to enjoy your hard earned money. And like this man, your lifestyle will be driven down to the bare minimum that he’s “fine” with - lemme tell you, men are “fine” with some low level shit! They will eat junk, they will stay home, they will wear sweats and be FINE AF as long as they are getting laid. That’s all that matters to them. Think about that. Men who like a certain lifestyle are looking to get laid by other broads lol.

So - any man you decide to live with / marry MUST make the same as you or more. Period. The End. Godspeed.

2022-03-21T12:58:07+00:00

This is sad.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2022-03-21T15:35:18+00:00

a woman will claim 50 - 50 is the way if she knows that she will never be backed up 100% by the man in her life. she knows this is the most she can hope for. so she settled for this and now needs to validate her own experience by pushing it as "the truth" on us. I know women like her. they make entire videos and podcasts in order to convince themselves they are "okay" with the decision they made.

but they're not and they are too ashamed to face it.

FDS-MAGICA · 2022-03-21T15:12:15+00:00

Years ago I broke up with a boyfriend because I could see that he had no real career prospects or ambition. He's still living with his parents now.

fallensoldier_1748 · 2022-03-21T09:36:47+00:00

Did her parents pay for the wedding? I’m pretty sure I didn’t read that wrongly. Never pay to get yourself married. It’s a signal to the guy that you’re desperate to get married.

When she stated “supplementing the wages he didn’t make”, what does that mean? Did she pay for the rent when he was staying in that place as well? Did she pay for the household expenses? How long did she do that for? Four years? Just to uphold the title of being a feminist or what?

I am all for financial independence in the sense that women should not pause their careers for the husband or the family. Money is power and women should not give that power to anyone but herself. Nothing wrong with being breadwinners but both parties must bring equal value to the table.

The problem with women (yes women) is that when women sense that they are giving more than they are taking, THEY CONTINUE GIVING in hopes that the men will eventually change. That’s irrational. Men don’t change unless they have to. Women should learn to cut losses when required.

So she moved from paying for her own wedding to splitting 50/50 on the wedding. TBH, a wedding could be a big expenditure so I understand if they are doing 50/50. The problem is in her first marriage, I’m pretty sure she started out the relationship thinking they’re an equal as well. Many relationships start from 50/50 until the guy starts taking and not giving.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-03-21T19:22:20+00:00

I’ve been laid off so many times due to the recession and Covid and this guy gets laid off once and never works again? Men just get to coast how nice for them lol. Can I get some idiot to pay for my life. We all need wives don’t we?

millennialpink2000 · 2022-03-21T15:07:16+00:00

I've lost my job countless times (thanks 09 recession) and NEVER expected anyone else to carry me. I was depressed and it sucked big time, but I knew no one was going to carry me

That guy got really lucky when he asked her to move in, otherwise he'd have had to find a job (Gasp!)

Erocitnam · 2022-03-21T22:27:59+00:00

Looking in the mirror one morning, my reflection defiantly hollered I don't WANT to support him! Apparently a feminist can also be sexist.

Was he cleaning, organizing and decorating the house? Was he maintaining appliances and making/overseeing home repairs? Did he do the laundry? Did he cook, did he meal plan? Garden? Handle scheduling or paperwork? She didn't mention it so I'm betting not, or not consistently or thoroughly.

It's not sexist to not want to support someone who is doing nothing to contribute to the household. Every woman I have ever met or even heard of who doesn't work still contributes to the good of the household in significant ways.

I_know_right_AS_IF · 2022-03-21T17:14:24+00:00

This scary story is going to give me nightmares tonight 😥😱

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-03-21T13:42:51+00:00

Ugh this one's tough because it's not like she knew he'd be unemployed going into it (he had a job when he met her) and by the time they were serious and committed he suddenly lost his and wouldn't get another one. I feel bad for her.

Title	This is why you should NEVER be the breadwinner! ultra huge red flag
Author	Champagne_bitch
Upvotes	99
Comments	34
Date	March 21, 2022 8:30 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tj6z8x/this_is_why_you_should_never_be_the_breadwinner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/this-is-why-you-should-never-be-the-breadwinner.1108293 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108293

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