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Every_Pirate_7471 Archive

View 5 posts and 806 comments by Every_Pirate_7471 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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2

I am 33 years old, single. I have zero interest in pursuing multiple casual relationships with young women. Most guys my age are looking for marriage.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 03:59 PM
1

Counterpoint: many men want to hold out for a relationship to develop before having sex and that desire is what holds them back from forming genuine relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/25 03:09 PM
0

I think the overall thread is talking about the difference in the care and men receive from women who enter relationships with them at different times in their lives, no? Unless I get particularly lucky I’m under no delusion that my own wife is going to be similarly chaste in her decision making.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 07:23 PM
4

I’m a virgin. Why would I lower my standards to fuck someone I’m not attracted to, doesn’t share any of my interests, and generally isn’t someone I want to be in a relationship with? This makes no sense.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 06:36 PM
3

Love, companionship, having someone in your life you can turn to when things get hard, a father for your children, a relationship built on shared experiences and values rather than superficial attraction. Take your pick.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/11/25 02:50 PM
15

Acting like this is actually a surefire way to get into fucked up scenarios with someone who is only interested in sex and doesn’t care about you as a person. Pass.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/11/25 07:31 PM
1

I can agree with this in theory, I was pretty controlled as a kid and yeah am still with my folks. I take issue with your point about judgement. To me, it feels way more judgmental to be seen as unworthy of love because I would rather save my money than pay rent, don’t have student debt, and work a reasonable job (I make ~50k for the state on a 4% payscale) and don’t have a string of broken relationships behind me.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/11/25 03:02 PM
–

No, the problem is not that women find certain men attractive. It is that they will actively withhold affection from their partner because he isn’t as attractive.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 02:01 PM
3

What standards do you think he has that are too high? Like do you think a man who makes 50k marrying a woman who makes a similar amount of money is her marrying down or something?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/09/25 01:28 PM
–

Why would men’s economic struggles be a reason to be more selective? Two people sharing one living place spend less money collectively than if they lived independently? This only makes sense if you are so misanthropic you can’t share your living space with other people in which case you just shouldn’t date.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/09/25 02:15 PM
3

… found the lefty who thinks sexual violence isn’t violence
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 06:51 PM
5

Because you’re publicly badmouthing someone and implying they’re violent towards women without evidence? A vague feeling of unease is not actual proof of anything.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 06:06 PM
1

Okay, that’s fine. That’s a private whisper network. We’re talking about a public app where people post their opinions about their interactions with others. By contrast, should I go around on my local Facebook groups, posting the faces of women who have stood me up on dates or owe me money (in the thousands)?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 05:10 PM
1

No one is saying you have to do that. But to use a single social interaction to judge someone’s likelihood to hurt women based on your subjective feelings and then broadcast that opinion on social media is obviously problematic.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 04:51 PM
9

You are purposefully not understanding the term “in public.” You’re essentially arguing that women should have the power, with zero evidence, to mark people as social pariahs.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 04:44 PM
5

Yeah, I get all that. But there is a difference between her thinking that or even telling you to your face that you creep her out, and her saying it on social media and identifying you.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 03:04 PM
5

So what’s it mean then, if it isn’t that he acted in a way that made you feel unsafe, specifically in a sexual way, and why should anyone take it seriously if that isn’t the case?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 02:20 PM
10

Calling a man creepy in public implies that he, you know, acted in a way towards you that borders on sexual assault. You’re basically calling him a rapist without proof.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 01:59 PM
–

NAWALT, but all men definitely are like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/07/25 01:52 PM
1

Cool, most people aren’t like this hence there is little reason to be confused when someone whom you share a platonic relationship doesn’t share romantic feelings for you. Yeah, because it isn’t confusion I feel when this happens, it’s hurt. Not because the other person hurt me intentionally, the circumstance itself is painful. It hurts more when I try to engage in dating in the traditional sense and get rejected not because of who I am or my behavior, but because I am not sexually forthcoming. …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 06:30 PM
1

The disconnect we’re having is that you think my insistence on a friendship having the potential to develop into a relationship is because the relationship is the goal but that is not the case. I am not “confused” as to why other people don’t share my need for emotional connection to feel attraction. The reason for that insistence is that to me, the standards you would have for a friend and the standards you would have for a romantic partner are basically the same. That doesn’t mean I don’t know…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 06:09 PM
1

You’ve spent the entire time implying that my preferred way of forming romantic connections is exploitative and deceptive while insisting that the alternative is to act in direct opposition to my orientation. You are a bigot.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 05:46 PM
1

Bigot
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 05:31 PM
2

Yes. To me the important part of the relationship is shared values, interests, experiences, and the desire to share our lives together. Sure I want kids but if my partner doesn’t want to do IVF or similar then we can adopt.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 05:07 PM
1

If you are incompatible with somebody you don’t have to continue fostering a relationship with them. I never suggested otherwise. You are functionally saying this because later you say You can remedy this by being friends with somebody and not pursuing them romantically. I either have to make those gambles as you call them, or I have to wade through people and engage in allosexual dating practices until I find someone I am compatible with. What do you want me to do, dump people after one date wh…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 02:08 PM
1

Nice straw man. Except it isn’t, because that’s what you’re suggesting. You’re suggesting that I a) repeatedly engage with people who I am incompatible with on the off chance that I can stay invested long enough to form a connection with them that leads me to be attracted to them, b) repeatedly lose friends when my feelings aren’t reciprocated or c) die alone. Seriously, “treating them like a friend” means blocking off romantic relationships? Why in hell would I want to be your friend if that is…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 01:16 PM
1

You don’t get it. People you have already grown attached to and formed an emotional connection with are the only potential romantic partners demisexual people have. Unless you want to mandate that demisexual men have to perform sexual attraction to people they aren’t attracted to long enough for an emotional attachment to form.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 01:00 PM
1

Demisexual men exist
/r/PurplePillDebate21/07/25 08:27 AM
0

Hard pass. Don’t have much patience for hanging out with people I have to treat like spoiled poodles in order to not get called a slur.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:11 PM
0

It’s less that there is a strict rule, and more that my experience is that there is always someone who will make it their business to make me know I am not welcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 04:00 PM
-1

And if there are no social spaces you are allowed to participate in because you’re neurodivergent, then what? Suffer?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 11:53 AM
0

In theory I would love to sleep with any classmate or whatever I think is cute then never speak to them again, but women don't get that privilege. Average men's perverted attitudes about sex make things too complicated. All of this is a lie. The average man does not just want to have sex with every attractive woman they see and then never speak to them again. Incredibly insecure red pill men will disagree with this, but most men do not actually want to have constant empty sexual encounters, we w…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/07/25 11:41 AM
–

Yeah, I get what you’re saying. When I was writing this what I was most dealing with was the anxiety over potential blow ups in the relationship. In the story I linked which is mow removed, it ended in the wife screaming at the husband things including “why did I even marry you” type stuff. Its that kind of thing that I know I wouldn’t have a good emotional reaction to (I tend to internalize negative emotions).
/r/PurplePillDebate13/07/25 12:03 PM
1

I was given early intervention as a kid, I can confirm the existence of the “Did I Just Break A Social Rule I Didn’t Know” Devil
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 10:35 PM
1

FWIW, Kingdom Hearts is by the admission of the fanbase patently ridiculous. I get why people look at it and cringe and I don’t take offense. I will defend it on it’s merits though!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 10:24 PM
1

I really like the idea of a “pool” of interests. I agree that part of it is in the sharing, passing back and forth of references is how I build communication with others. That first relationship you described would also leave me absolutely drained. The dynamic you and your husband have developed sounds really ideal. I did read your other scattered posts, a lot of it is a bit too in-depth to go into here but I respect your concerns. I do have questions about how you deal with the aftermath of get…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 10:18 PM
2

Apologies, that was uncalled for.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 09:57 PM
1

Yes, yes, and yes? Or do you believe that emotional fullfilment in relationships should be exclusive to the absolute most attractive and wealthy individuals?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:07 PM
1

I don’t think there is a solution. Largely I think that yeah, if you don’t enjoy the interests of someone you’re looking at don’t do them the disservice of contacting them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 07:05 PM
1

Yeah dude you’re right those sound like a pair of great options.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:26 PM
1

In my case it is particularly annoying that my most powerful autist energy comes from Kingdom Hearts, a series about the importance of strong emotional bonds to those we care about… that none of the people I care about know anything about
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 06:20 PM
1

I guess the thing about that subreddit, while I recognize is a support group and there is definitely need for that, so much of what is there isn’t like, directed at a single partner. A lot of it is “do they…” type posts. The distaste of the disorder itself. It’s like a giant blackpill I have to swallow that if I want to be a decent partner I have to mask around my partner. I’ve worked hard for a long time to try to make things work without meds because I just don’t like them. I don’t want to mas…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:39 PM
0

A counterexample can exist without disproving the possibility of something. If someone said "it's possible for men and women to like each other romantically", would you point out a gay guy or a guy who hates his wife and say "no way!"? You example here is not evidence for what you're trying to say. So, the reason I used that specific example is because it exemplifies a type of attitude that I think is more common that people want to admit. An attitude that other people’s interests , someone aski…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 04:21 PM
1

This might be part of it. I get pretty obsessive towards media that really resonates with me. I definitely feel you when you say social interactions can feel performative. Like, oh yes, now I must interface with the bioparents, it is time to repress the aspects of myself they do not appreciate.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:46 PM
1

Yeah just a hard disagree with this. For me sex is like… the fourth thing on the list of priorities in a relationship and barely makes it on a technicality.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:26 PM
1

I can hear where you’re coming from and I see where separating your interests from the relationship can benefit. I guess I just don’t know, I would feel like there was something in the relationship that I want just isn’t there. Can I ask you, you never feel yourself wishing you could connect with your husband over something you just can’t? Like something close to your heart that he wouldn’t appreciate?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:23 PM
2

I think the 20 percent is around right on. To me, the important thing isn’t like, do you share the exact set of hobbies and experiences. The important question is whether or not during the quiet moments of the relationships, the day to day, are you able to wngage with the things that make your partner feel comfortable and happy. I’m an anime and manga guy, but my partner doesn’t have to start reading Berserk to make me happy. I would like it if part of our night routine is binging a couple episo…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 03:07 PM
0

Because that’s just how some people are sometimes. It says nothing about you of the quality of your relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:56 PM
-2

I’m not saying I know him better than you do, I am saying that there may he things he wants to do that you don’t know about. He might think that you don’t cadre about something or would be put off if he brought something up he thinks you wouldn’t be happy doing. It’s just a soft suggestion.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:35 PM
4

That is generally the strat, yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:29 PM
2

I mostly agree, though I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s impossible. You likely just have to find someone exceptionally open minded but again that person is going to be in high demand because that’s a highly desirable trait.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:27 PM
-1

I would encourage you to ask your boyfriend whether or not your lack of interest in his hobbies improves your relationship or detracts from it. Try talking to him and see if there’s anything you could do with him that he enjoys and would make him happy because there’s a strong chance the answer is yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:24 PM
3

Overall the focus on interests is relevant because I believe you need to at least be able to explore your core interests with a partner, or you’re just going to be miserable. I’ve been a huge fan of the Kingdom Hearts games since I was a kid, just as an example. My partner doesn’t have to share that love for the games but I do have to be able to share the important parts of it with them, the parts that matter to me and resonate with respect to love. In terms of the sub of people complaining abou…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:19 PM
3

Very likely, but I think that just shows maybe we should.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:04 PM
3

Yeah, I agree that as a nerdy guy, its not a dealbreaker anymore. Sure, you’ll find someone who will look past your nerdy hobbies. It can be a relationship. Something that can be tolerable, something that you can live with. I just don’t think it can be a relationship that fulfills everyone’s emotional needs, and I think the potential for a full on blow out over differences in interests is far more likely than a scenario where one party makes the effort to engage in their partner’s hobbies they w…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 02:00 PM
4

Hard disagree. If women cared more about good relationships than casual sex, when the transition away from early childbirth happened we would be in a situation where we still married early we just waited to have children. This has not happened.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 01:15 PM
1

Yeah, you don’t have to share those interests all the time, but like you say about your sister and her fiance, I still want to. Like yes, I have conversations with friends and family that are pleasant and joyful, there are other ways to have fun with people you care about. I still feel less understood because I can’t share things that I feel are foundational to who I am. Not because I make them my entire personality as someone has put it in this thread, they inform what I value, they help me art…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/07/25 11:18 AM
0

No? I’m confused.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 06:11 PM
1

Platonic relationships between men or between women are that. Platonic relationships between heterosexual men and women are the opposite of love. They are withholding of actual love. Any time you put a block in the progression of a relationship that is the end of love.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:44 PM
4

I don’t think they all pretend. I’ve been friends with those women for years. Most of my friends are married though. Sometimes you’re the odd one out in your friend group and there’s no animosity there. It just is what it is.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 05:33 PM
1

Intimacy is not the same thing as sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 04:57 PM
0

At arm’s length emotionally. There is always an emotional barrier between women and their male friends that is not between women and their female friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 04:54 PM
1

There is no such thing. “Platonic” excludes all intimacy.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 04:52 PM
–

I mean, for how many women does keeping some schlub around to laze around and eat their food serve them when they could just get a divorce and receive all the financial benefits of having a husband without actually having to deal with him?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 03:01 PM
–

The most commonly cited reason for divorce given in court is lack of commitment at 75 percent. Though even if I were to believe those reports, women on this subreddit constantly cite the need to select for a partner who can support them during childbirth as a top priority in selecting a partner. They talk about all the time that if a relationship no longer “serve them”, they should end it. For 95 percent of marriages, once the kids are off at school I could see the man’s rile as definitely servi…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:56 PM
–

While those things are true I do think for the 41 percent of divorces, I think maybe 10 percent of them are due to real issues in the relationship and the rest are of the “you no longer fit into my ideal image of the season of life I am in” variety.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:33 PM
–

I generally believe at this point that specifically Western liberal women view marriage as an institution that, if it should exist at all, should be a temporary arrangement between two adults for the purposes of providing stability during childbirth and early parenthood that should end once the man is no longer needed to supply stability. Feel free to provide alternative viewpoints.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 02:16 PM
1

No it isn’t. These are the numbers. 20 percent of the time women abandon their husbands for personal gain.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:52 PM
1

The numbers still work out to be about 25 percent for newly married people who are sexually active. Yeah man I’m gonna sign a contract that says if I don’t keep this woman interested in the relationship my entire life then at any time she can delay my retirement by more than a decade, force me out of my home, and limit my relationship with my children. 25 percent chance.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:24 PM
1

Women are fully empowered to wear whatever hair and makeup and clothing choices they want. Why do men have to conform to women’s preferences for how they dress (short hair, shaved, polo short and khakis)?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:15 PM
1

I think a lot of people on this subreddit overestimate how likely it is for someone to be fit, well groomed, and reasonably handsome but have a shitty personality and underestimate how likely it is for someone to be buttass ugly and still have a heart of gold.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 01:08 PM
2

I appreciate the advice and what you’re saying. I don’t hate neurotypical people in a blanket fashion, I just don’t associate with them. I have a decent job caring for disabled folk that is satisfying and pays the bills. I have all the time I could want to engage in things that matter to me. The only thing my life is missing is someone to enjoy it with, so if my fate is that there is no one in my area attracted to me and will add to that happiness then I have to accept it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:49 PM
–

Mmmnn, understandable. Fwiw, this is why a lot of men prefer the friends first approach to dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:26 PM
–

Two different groups of friends are spending time at a bar. At some point both groups split up to mingle. The guy from one group approaches one of the women for the other group. She rejects him and he apologizes and leaves her alone. He is still morally bad for imposing himself on her and claiming her time which he is not entitled to.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:17 PM
–

The fat or smelly man because those are things he presumably has control over and chooses not to. I will contend both of these men will be considered morally bad for approaching women at all in public because they are making a woman feel uncomfortable in public.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:10 PM
–

I would probably stop talking to her because our values about sex are completely incompatible.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:05 PM
1

That doesn’t mean I have to be thinking about my interests 24/7 or wearing One Piece regalia to the grocery store. Sounds really depressing if you’re not thinking about the things that actually matter to you regularly. This is what friendship is. What it is not, is people putting up with you info dumping about your special interests 100% of the time. Why should I listen to someone talk about anything they care about if they can’t listen to me talk about the things I care about? But that’s just n…
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 10:55 AM
1

It helps my social life a lot. I’m not sure why this would make you respond in the way you did. Translation: throw any nerdy shit you have in the garbage in order to fit in with mainstream culture. If you’re passionate about something that isn’t part of mainstream culture you don’t deserve to express it.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 09:46 AM
-4

Yeah, I’d rather just not be someone’s friend if they’re going to keep me at an arm’s length at all times. Doubly so if they’re going to declare in public they think I’m not relationship material.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:35 AM
1

On the principle that I’m not going to waste my time or energy on the kind of person who talks mad shit about anyone who is visibly nerdy but enjoys the same things themselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 08:25 AM
–

Okay? What’s your suggestion? I marry someone who would make me miserable?
/r/PurplePillDebate05/07/25 12:50 AM
2

No, I just don’t call someone a friend unless I actually love and care for them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 09:13 PM
-3

No, that’s real. Far too many people are far too loose with the word “friend”.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 09:05 PM
1

Two things: If you didn’t base your whole personality around it I’m assuming that’s because you didn’t hang out with the kids who did. That’s because I also hung out with a large group of diverse kids who had a wide range of interests. I also hung out with “weird anime kids”. If you are that type of person who loves games but didn’t hang out with that crowd yeah I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with you on principle.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 08:58 PM
-19

No but if you constantly make friends with men you aren’t attracted to and wouldn’t date, you aren’t their friend, you’re doing it with an ulterior motive.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:25 PM
–

Right now it’s Inuyasha and FFXIV but its subject to change lmao
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:11 PM
–

Those things can definitely be fun. I love my time out in the woods in nature, kayaking, cooking out on a fire, listening to nature and stuff. But I also love curling up on the couch with a comfy friend and just having a quiet day inside.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:06 PM
–

I was there at the time, no they aren’t. Gen Z is the most pro videogames and anime generation we’ve seen so far.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 06:03 PM
2

I brought that up because those are the women I’m asked to date. Because they’re my age.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:28 PM
2

Then why are you stuck on me reflecting back on it? Why the Regina George-ass “why are we being held accountable for our behavior as teenagers as adults” attitude?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:25 PM
–

Says the person whose experience of highschool was likely typical and ideal. Did you ever having a sibling call you and all your friends loser freaks at the dinner table?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:20 PM
–

The ones who didn’t like anime and video games when we were in highschool, aka the vast majority, didn’t suddenly change from thinking those things are for loser freaks.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:14 PM
–

I’m just giving examples, it isn’t an exhaustive list. I’m particularly introverted, the kinds of “adventure” I like are things like going hiking, traveling, taking on a particularly difficult mental challenge. To me big crowds and alcohol just aren’t enjoyable which is why I used them as examples.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 05:09 PM
-35

Newsflash: those aren’t friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 04:22 PM
2

Sure, there are people I don’t like, and I’ve even been in the situation of being in a friend group where there was someone that a lot of us didn’t like. He was rude, mean, and creepy to the girls in our friend group (this was in high school). We, the eldest in the group, told him if he was going to continue that behavior he was not welcome to sit with us. As for the general ask of your question? I don’t think you’re obligated to like everyone, but I do think you’re obligated to make a good fait…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 03:57 PM
–

Yeah I’m aware. I was friends with those girls in highschool. They got picked on a lot and not by the guys.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:50 PM
1

I dunno, I don’t mean any disrespect by saying this but I do find that perspective to be quite cold. But to each their own I suppose.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:46 PM
–

shrugs from my point of view trying to engage people on any kind of deeper level about game music or anime storytelling gets you looked at in the “just shut the fuck up” manner, so you’ll forgive my doubts on this ine.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:30 PM
–

Yeah I’ve never experienced anyone act the way you’re talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:24 PM
–

Well yeah, if I’m out with someone exploring the city and we have good conversational chemistry I’m gonna be entertained and have a fun time. The couch thing is meant to be more evocative of a vibe in the relationship. If the entire relationship is going to restaurants and chatting about her other interpersonal relationships and there’s no hint towards that vibe I’m gonna burn out of that relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:22 PM
–

Yeah, that was my point. You probably wouldn’t have fun going to an anime convention and I wouldn’t have fun going to a fashion show, our interests don’t allign.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:15 PM
3

No, it doesn’t. It requires you to be a loving and thoughtful human being. I work in disability care, I’m not inspired by any kind of attraction to my clients, I’m still affectionate with them. I still care for them and love them even though I would never be intimate in that way. I don’t even think I understand what you mean when you say intimacy. It seems you mean it only in the sense you would be with someone you were partnered with.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 02:03 PM
4

Except there are ways to be warm and intimate with people without being romantic and often people who are less attractive are also cut off from those basic sources of comfort as well.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:46 PM
3

I’m talking about in general. I don’t mean like sex. I mean like when you are affectionate with your friends except the guy with the lazy eye or the bald spot or the one kid with the neurodevelopmental disorder. When you make them feel like others even among groups of friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:44 PM
–

You don’t know many women over the age of 30, do you?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:34 PM
5

Yes. Correct. I am making a moral judgement that it is immoral to withhold basic humanity from another person because you think they’re ugly. It’s a different story if they are a generally rude and dislikable person. But this idea that I owe you a certain level of physical fitness or wearing a certain style of clothing or wearing my hair a certain way, all of which contribute to the subjective quality you are talking about, in order to be treated like a human being is nonsense.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:32 PM
–

In what way? Not saying no but I think there’s a distinction between saying men are miserable, bitter, hateful and sexist and saying that men and women sometimes to oftentimes have different sets of interests and interacting with someone like that is hella boring.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:24 PM
5

I’m not saying you specifically are holding someone down or whatever. I’m saying that you’re upholding that notion. That you believe it is right that if someone is simply unattractive it means a basic element to long term wellbeing and happiness can be withheld from them. I’m not even talking about romantic relationships here.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:18 PM
7

You’re not calling them a bad person, you’re enforcing the idea that because they don’t inspire desire it means they should be permanently cut off from the warmth and intimacy of others. That’s why people get upset.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 01:06 PM
–

Personally I find interactions with most women to be painfully dull because we simply don’t share many interests or formative experiences. Women might be “adventurous” in that they like to go out to places but to me that’s extremely boring. I don’t like clubbing, I hate dive bars, and dinners are terribly boring for me if we have nothing to talk about. By the same token I recognize that most women would be bored to tears by me too. I hold no illusions that you would probably be bored to tears by…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/07/25 12:43 PM
1

I would feel bad about it but apparently I’m weird for that.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/07/25 09:25 AM
2

I wouldn’t say it’s that more of them. Just that poorly developed men and poorly developed women act in toxic ways.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 08:52 PM
2

Sure, that happens, but it isn’t because they are men, it is because they are poorly developed people.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:41 PM
2

For what? Are you accusing me a violent crime?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:31 PM
–

Work or dress are not the only ways one can be cut off from humanity. Warmth, closeness, friendship, are all ways in which we get cut off. Though, I am often criticized for wearing my hair long. My immediate supervisor, an older woman of color, has made numerous inappropriate comments to me about it’s length, at one point insisting that only gay men have long hair.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:23 PM
–

It is not because of biology. It is because men are seen as arbiters of violence. Socially, when violence is to be done, it is the men who are given the role and obligation to perform violence.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:19 PM
–

Its mostly because we are treated with that suspicion. Men are aware that women generally treat each other with more ready warmth and acceptance than they do men. We know that it is because you have a fear that someone that is larger than you can do you harm. I understand that the threat is real, but it still feels like shit even though it is understandable. Making myself feel and seem non-threatening around women feels the same to me as masking my ADHD symptoms around nuerotypical people does.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 04:07 PM
–

That’s actually not what I said I said that men are more likely to be the victims of violence than women are.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:48 PM
–

It’s not “how dare you be aware of this” it’s “how dare you cut me off from your humanity because of your fear”
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:44 PM
–

Men assault men more often than women do. So men really should be solitary creatures so that nobody ever has to worry about violence from men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:33 PM
–

Suspicion of someone who is bigger and stronger than you, and only for that reason, is the definition of bigotry, what are you talking about?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/06/25 03:21 PM
1

I don’t think either one is true. I won’t do you the cruelty of trying to convince you that your assessment of your circumstances are incorrect. I am not just inherently good at it. I had to become good at honest communication, dealing with my insecurity, and to be honest I had to learn to properly take care of myself and my space.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 07:39 PM
1

It’s relevant because I want you to try. I’ll tell you a secret that neither the red pill or the blue pill will tell you. The one thing that changed about me from the experience of my first relationship was my recognition that I am actually pretty good at it. Like, before, I believed myself totally incapable of finding someone and maintaining their interest. After, I’ve come to realize i am actually a pretty decent guy to date. The rest of it? The stuff I think mattered? Sure, they’re still desi…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 06:32 PM
1

I can say that I have in fact been in your position before and I’m not that much older than you. I’ve thought about myself in the same terms. It is not the case that you will never have options. The fact remains that you will, if and when you grow into yourself and become the kind of man that inspires feelings of safety and comfort in others. That level of confidence, charisma, and responsibility takes time to develop but you do need to develop it to be attractive to others. Once you do, options…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 06:21 PM
1

It’s because men often don’t choose the options that are in front of you. I am not going to pretend to know your specific situation, you may genuinely not know any women who want to be in a relationship with you. The magic secret is that that’s fine. You’re not bad or defective because of it. All it means is that your time is going to come later. When your time does come though, you’re going to have to make real choices about what you value. That is what OP is talking about, despite my other dis…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 06:05 PM
1

When I’m not dating someone I’m usually just single and not looking. You don’t want to force a relationship to happen. You want them to happen as you’re pursuing other goals. Would you want to meet a girl you have a lot in common with, who you share values with, who you like spending time with, but you’re unable to start a relationship with her because you’re stuck dating someone you have “no other choice” but to be with? That sounds like a really silly outcome.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:51 PM
2

If you genuinely desire to form a long term serious relationship why are you chasing the girls that go clubbing every weekend and have a new man on Tinder once a month? Because those are the women the men you are talking about are sleeping with.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:41 PM
3

What you’re failing to realize is that most women don’t actually have that many options. They have lots of men who want to be with them, that isn’t the same thing. Most of those guys vying for her attention don’t actually know anything about her, don’t know her in real life, and are just kinda horny. Most women in real life probably know two or three men that they would consider dating at any given time.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:33 PM
3

Have you considered that the women you are most physically attracted to may not be the best person for you in the long run? I understand the internal pressure and emotion you experience having trouble finding someone, but you will find someone. The important part is that you are the man you need to be to make that relationship work when you find them.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:23 PM
3

Most actual adult men have a few women in their general social groups and work place that they could choose to date if they wanted to. Good women too. Your goal should be to find someone to start a relationship with a build it into something you love. Thats far more reasonable than continuously rolling the dice for someone that fits you just as you are. Those relationships usually devolve once mutual interests and ease of communication aren’t enough to overcome problems in the relationship itsel…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 05:08 PM
6

Women are not respectful to men they don’t want to fuck even when the man has no intention of asking her out. I’m sick of this gaslighting bullshit women want to do, pretending like women are these universal angels that never have bad reactions to getting asked out. If you wanted to judge women by the worst examples of their behavior the same way you want to judge men by the worst examples of their behavior, we would look at women who have called men “fucking retards” and “disgusting old pervs”,…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:48 PM
4

Yeah I just don’t see why we’re dogging on his behavior when that same kind of behavior is not only considered standard when women do it, but was literally that same channel’s entire reason to exist when they had The Button, which was literally a show about men and women rejecting each other in the most objectifying way possible for the most shallow reasons possible.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:24 PM
2

Yeah I don’t know which angle you personally come at the topic from but I genuinely do not see the point of pursuing many different relationships. Like if it happens it happens but I feel like the goal should be to preserve good relationships, no?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:16 PM
4

The worst I’ve faced was being ignored and the worst most men have faced is being ignored I’m sorry but this is simply not the case. And if a woman did the same thing to a guy the guy would be dogged on by the other men present and if he complained about it he would be called a misogynist.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:10 PM
6

Every man has experienced rejection from a woman that was leagues more disrespectful than what that guy did, including you and me. Most of the time when women reject autistic men they call them a slur.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 03:02 PM
6

How did he act out? If I’m not mistaken popping the balloon is just a rejection in this case? Was he too aggressive in the actual motion?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 02:12 PM
4

Wait, so the man expresses his own sexual autonomy by rejecting a trans woman so he deserves to be alone? How would you feel if I said a woman who displays the same level of cruelty towards an autistic man deserves to be alone?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:53 PM
10

This is not the way. Women have an easier time finding options but as a man you have also made decisions about which women not to pursue and if you haven’t you need to examine your behavior. Don’t throw yourself at every woman you have a chance with.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 01:51 PM
1

I’m in my thirties and would generally prefer to date younger woman for a couple of reasons: Being older and established means I can focus on her needs for her development, which gives me motivation to make the relationship work and do my best generally I just generally get along better with Zoomers than I do with Millennials, they tend to be more in line with my cultural touchstones than most older Millennial women are.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/06/25 10:39 AM
4

Boys aren’t more likely to have ADHD or autism, they are more likely to be noticed when they are that way. Inattentive and shy girls can afford to be silent and inattentive in class. When young men with different nervous systems externalize their distress this is seen as unacceptable and needing medication. This is not a privilege men have, it is an extreme injustice.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 03:18 PM
1

I find in life my most valued friends have been women. They teach me more about myself than my male friends. They are more organized than I am, and sometimes more compassionate. My girlfriend has an infinite well of willpower even when she says she’s weak, and has overcome struggle after struggle despite being dealt the shittiest cards in every hand in life.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 03:08 PM
2

I understand the motivation behind this, it’s helpful to remember that this sort of people pleasing isn’t helpful to either party. The person putting aside their feelings is taking on an emotional burden the other person isn’t aware of and the other person isn’t being allowed to grow. Learning that not everyone wants to be your friend is a difficult lesson to learn but you still have to learn it.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/06/25 03:00 PM
1

Right now I have someone who I appreciate and am growing closer to each day, but when I was single the number one thing I was looking for in a partner was someone who I could see myself having a long term future with. Someone who was kind, respectful, a good partner, who I enjoyed spending time with and brought me happiness to be around. Some men are pretty simple.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/06/25 02:45 PM
1

That’s why I mentioned him taking care of himself first. Being a caring and supportive person is probably the biggest buff to your charisma you can get for the amount of effort it takes.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/05/25 04:40 PM
6

Yeah that was my thought as well. She has a breeding kink or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 03:07 PM
–

Something doesn’t have to benefit everyone in a society in order to be good generally. That’s first of all. Second of all, I did not say I found love through zero merit of my own, I said the circumstances of us meeting came down to both of us having the right connections. We still found each other at work, became friends, grew close, and fell in love because of who we are. Pretty much everyone meets their partner through blind luck.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/05/25 02:56 PM
-1

Bro I’m all here for showing sympathy for people who struggle to find love. We’re all adrift to sea out here looking for our little bit of land to build our lives on. That being said, most people are going to find someone right for them with time. Not being able to find a partner is not a disability.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 04:52 PM
6

No woman does it all themselves either. I include single mothers in this statement.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 04:19 PM
5

So, nepotism can be unfair if you’re providing an opportunity to someone who can’t take advantage of it, ie., putting someone who doesn’t have the discipline or academic skill to put an Ivy League education to good use into Harvard cuz their dad went there. Other times it can be good; family can be a good recruiter for talent who would be a good fit for the job, and sometimes it can be a way of keeping resources inside a community.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 04:14 PM
9

There are plenty of single men who have custody of their children who take care of the household tasks. And most parents who are still together also rely on the support of friends and family to take care of the kids. That’s not something to be ashamed of, that’s how this works. Delegating reproductive tasks is a negotiation. It’s a two way street. I can’t make prescriptive statements about who should do what in every relationship, it depends on your circumstances and each person’s strengths and …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 03:26 PM
12

I’m pretty sure single mothers rely on the structural support of their friends, family and communities as much as men do to help take care of their children. I missed that aspect of what you were saying but my assertion remains the same. Most single men are competent and take care of their own reproductive labor (please note I am using that as a Marxist term, not like biological reproduction).
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 02:51 PM
11

Most single men who live alone get that labor for free because they do it themselves. Just because you exclusively date manchildren doesn’t mean all men are manchildren.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 02:44 PM
11

If you have problems getting your significant other to contribute to household tasks as an adult that is on you and them, not men as a class.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 02:21 PM
8

My girlfriend and I met at a job that both of us work at because we were connected to people who already worked there. Nepotism isn’t bad but it is definitely real.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/05/25 02:17 PM
3

Just because a child is standing and walking while the teacher is talking doesn’t mean the child isn’t paying attention. Just because a child is sitting quietly and looking at the board doesn’t mean they are. You can educate someone in many ways. At what age does a boy have to give up Neverland in your view though? At the age of four? Five? Should the child grow up and take on the adult responsibility of their future livelihood as early as they can accept it? Have the corporate mindset of consta…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 11:02 PM
2

If you genuinely believe that the purpose of an education is so that you can go work in a 9-5 corporate office job please never become an educator. The purpose of an education is to ground you with an understanding of the world around you to prepare you for life. That includes dealing with people who are different from you.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 10:46 PM
3

It is about what they are allowed to get away with. The issue falls on parents to discipline their own children in whatever way when the notes come home from school for misbehavior. They’re children, not mini 9 to 5 office workers. They have the right to be energetic and express themselves. Just because girls act differently in a way that is more pleasant to adults doesn’t mean the way boys act is wrong or “misbehavior”.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 08:47 PM
2

OP is absolutely fishing for a hypocrisy gotcha.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 06:29 PM
5

We don’t work on the same shift and neither of us is a supervisor. Several of our coworkers are openly married to each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 06:05 PM
4

While I do appreciate what you’re saying, I think I can only agree with a few caveats and some like, additional commentary I find useful. You’re right that it isn’t exactly actionable to say “you never know who is going to be the right person for you”, but there are a lot of relationships that don’t end because someone died. My girlfriend and I’s case was a case of silver linings that didn’t go off right away. I specifically didn’t want to be a rebound for her and after time we started to drift …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 04:11 PM
1

It was really subtle but also just a fifty-ton weight of my shoulders to realize I actually can engage with women and be not just successful but actually quite successful.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 02:32 PM
5

This kind of isn’t enough for a full thread, but people who say going from being a virgin to not doesn’t change you don’t have the full right of it. I’m dating and having a good time for the first time in my life and I can say it has actually greatly affected my confidence and perspective of what this is all about.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 02:17 PM
6

Not at all what happened, but go off.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 01:04 PM
3

The so called study that show teacher bias toward girls was due to the fact that teachers tend to prefer students that don't act out. And most of the time the students acting out were boys. The only thing you’re saying with this argument is that this is a bias against boys and the ways they normally behave that you yourself hold.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 12:57 PM
6

She was dating another man when we started working together. He passed away last summer and long story short we’ve been nursing feelings for the better part of a yearish.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 11:13 AM
1

Ah, the Capitalism Fairy video
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 09:21 AM
7

Most women are not meeting their boyfriends over the apps. My current girlfriend I met through work, we knew each other for a year and a half before we started fooling around together. You never know where your next partner is going to come from but you can augment your chances by being honest and up front.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/05/25 08:39 AM
0

The quote above is debunked just by noting that if you have to squeeze at all you’re already trying to force it. A relationship is going to happen as like, part of your life. It happens when one person is honest with the other and then the two decide on what they’re going to do about it. Just be honest.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/05/25 11:49 PM
4

It’s unfortunate but this is probably the most common reaction. Though I would think the solution for demisexual people would be to wait to form that connection before starting to date someone else, but I also recognize that most people find that pattern of partner seeking to be weird and off-putting.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/05/25 08:37 AM
1

Anton will find someone right for him when he starts thinking of what he can do for others that he cares about. He can start with things he can do for himself.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 05:29 PM
2

Just say you’re racist bro
/r/PurplePillDebate19/05/25 05:21 PM
1

My guy, I cannot emphasize to you enough how much being attuned to women and how they are feeling is essential to your ability to find a partner as a man. It is like, the one non-negotiable skill.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/25 05:19 PM
12

I always love these games of “spot the dude that doesn’t understand female arousal”
/r/PurplePillDebate18/05/25 05:14 PM
6

What about hand holding?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/05/25 12:27 PM
1

Yes, I believe you. This is a very common myth in our society. Men as well as women believe it but there is absolutely no scientific validity to the claim that men cannot help themselves after becoming aroused. This is why rape myth education is important.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 10:52 PM
1

I’m sorry, I mean no disrespect, but those men were not telling you the truth.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 10:39 PM
1

That person hasn’t done me wrong or bothered me in any way. Why would I try to screw them over? I have no reason to not want them to achieve their goal. It’s not a proper analogy.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 10:24 PM
1

Why is that basic humanity? Why would you care?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 09:27 PM
1

That’s just misogyny though? Like, them saying that is making excuses for men who do vile things to women to exert control over them. As a 33 year old man with a pretty strong sex drive I can assure you we’re quite capable of controlling it.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 07:48 PM
-2

Assets that are already yours by right and they would be stealing by taking them in divorce proceedings after they were guilty of breach of contract?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 05:32 PM
1

No one will blindly accept that the group with something like 20 times lower levels of testosterone will be the group hunting the other for prey when something goes haywire in their brain. This is just biological essentialism. Testosterone isn’t the rape chemical. It makes you do stupid shit like duct tape your friends to a wall and grow hair on your balls.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 04:55 PM
3

So your position is essentially that women should get to decide which men are worthy of being home owners?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/05/25 08:46 AM
2

I definitely get what you mean with conflating different levels of violence. It’s a meme, but your girlfriend hitting you in the back with a bag of frozen peas isn’t the same as your boyfriend slapping you in the face. Like I get it, men are bigger on average and there’s risks to being alone with men for women that aren’t the same for men. And I’ve noticed the same thing with the stats involving lesbians and experiences of domestic violence. Obviously, 78 percent of relationships between women d…
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 07:46 PM
4

My problem here is that you’re invested in this being a gendered issue, when it clearly ISN’T. There’s nothing about women that makes them magically above getting mad as shit and hurling things at their partners. I’ve had a friend go to the hospital because he got into a fight with an ex and in the middle of the argument she started hurling things, and in the scuffle he got slashed with a knife (it wasn’t on purpose, it’s a thing that had to get litigated in court). I’ve also had female friends …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 07:10 PM
2

I am prepared to say both are domestic violence and abuse, and yes, both the guy that punches a woman in the jaw and the woman who slaps a man 25 times in the face should go to jail for aggravated assault and domestic abuse. Abuse is abuse is abuse, regardless of the perpetrator’s gender or the kind of violence used. We say things are abusive because they cause harm, are a violation of your trust, and an exploitation of the relationship itself.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 06:48 PM
3

Lesbians pulling each other's arms, and men sending their partners to the hospital are sooo fucking different. A or B: Slapped by a woman 25 times Or Punched square in the jaw by a man twice your size You know your going to pick the first, so stop with this disingenuous slop. This sounds pretty much like you downplaying domestic violence in lesbian relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 06:32 PM
2

The difference is I’m not making excuses for men’s behavior. You are.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 06:25 PM
2

No one is solely responsible only for the things they say with their mouths. Come on.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 06:15 PM
6

I know it wasn’t you. You are still defending them. You may as well have said it. You are responsible for the rhetoric you use and uplift.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 05:59 PM
3

It’s the “by women” part that you’re refusing to acknowledge. The original post in this thread repeated the lie that 99 percent of SA perpetrators are men.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 05:53 PM
8

No but you’re talking in this specific comment thread about sexual assault and you are refusing to acknowledge that men are also sexually victimized by women. The only reason the numbers are so skewed is because most of the time women can’t force themselves on men, not because they don’t want to.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 05:44 PM
11

Bro getting slapped 25 times by someone who loves you is still traumatic even if it doesn’t do as much damage. Do you think it’s okay for parents to hit their kids as long as it doesn’t leave a mark?
/r/PurplePillDebate10/05/25 05:38 PM
3

It shouldn’t be a “trade-off”. These aren’t gambling chips. You should be having sex with someone when you feel it’s the right time in the relationship. Not something you’re bargaining out. And yes. The fact that men are taught that is bad for them and it would be best for everyone if it changed. But it won’t. Of course it won’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 10:43 PM
5

Your relationship to your spouse, however wonderful it might be for you, does exactly zero good for any other living being, and it certainly doesn’t make you more worthy of owning a home.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 06:37 PM
4

Sure, but not all married couples can have or even want kids. Some couples are gay and don’t want to adopt. They still get preferential tax status, and they still get better terms on their home loans.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 04:11 PM
4

I’ve had to turn women down because it was to soon before, and I’ve said no to people who I’ve done stuff before in the past. From my experience the former went worse than the latter.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 04:07 PM
2

If it isn’t possible for everyone, why should it be legal for anyone? Genuine question. Why in hell should you get an advantage on your taxes, home and business loans, and careers because you found a partner and I didn’t? Literally adding injury to insult.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:59 PM
1

Religious people would like that. We would very much like it of life returned to a slower pace withs more deliberate attitude.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:48 PM
1

Shrugs I think it would genuinely benefit everyone if men were taught to respect physical and emotional intimacy as a matter of duty. I just don’t think you’re gonna change men’s alleged poor behavior by just shaming them for doing it. They somehow keep getting away with it.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:44 PM
1

I mean, you’re not going to like it but the answer to your question is genuinely a revival of purity culture. Just with a stronger emphasis on responsibility to your partner rather than like, a fetishization of virginity.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:40 PM
1

I think if we removed some of the anxiety of the approach by making it into a less risky thing, where you’re not asking for a hard yes or no, you’re just putting the ball in the other person’s court and if they don’t pick it up you can just go on with your lives, it would be more enjoyable for everyone. Men would be more confident, women would be more secure because the expectation would be that her reciprocating is the yes, so guys just wait for her to reciprocate.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:35 PM
1

Approaching women as a man isn’t fun either. You run the risk of rejection, and if you choose a particularly nasty woman out of happenstance much worse can happen. You talk about a woman’s reputation being affected asking men out, a man’s reputation can be dragged through the mud asking a woman out as well, often broadcast all across the internet. We have to be able to find a way to make all of this an actually enjoyable process rather than the most soul sucking activity imaginable.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:31 PM
1

I think women would benefit because overall relationship satisfaction would increase. I think the dating experience would be more fun for everyone if both alternated in who makes the approach because it adds spontaneity and a mix of surprise. Like we could imagine people one-upping each other in variously romantic ways to asking each other out. An element of mutual escalation makes it more appealing.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:21 PM
1

This might be a hot take but I actually think the thing you’re talking about would be remedied by what we’re talking about. Men wouldn’t be so desperate to validate themselves with sex if the game was more back and forth. I can’t speak for most men, apparently, because what you described sounds soulcrushing to me. Trust me when I say I’ve had my share of talking to someone for months only to cut things off when I realized she only ever wanted sex from me. I know how absolutely shitty it feels to…
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 03:05 PM
1

I’m probably not the right guy to ask this because I’m the type of guy who would prefer to wait close to maybe half a year. It would have to be up to you to determine if the relationship feels right. But this is why I like the changeup of the dynamic. Because of the back and forth nature of it nobody is pressuring anybody to do anything. If you don’t want the relationship to continue you can just let it pass. But if both of you are into it it’s just something fun you can bring forward into your …
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 02:51 PM
1

Hold on, something’s confusing me. Just because someone asks someone out on a date, that doesn’t mean they’re willing to sleep with them. You can totally ask a dude out and not take him home afterwards. Unless we’re working under an assumption that someone asking you out to dinner automatically means they want sex with you.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 02:44 PM
1

Yeah but we’re not talking about being easy here. I’m just saying that the guy doesn’t always have to be the pursuer, the woman doesn’t always need to be the one being pursued. The role can switch back and forth. You can have a more fun dynamic with your chosen partner. Think about it, would it not benefit everyone if men were more often playing the role of pursued and knew what it was like to be in that role? Doesn’t it benefit everyone to make the entire process more enjoyable?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 02:38 PM
1

Because it would make the entire experience better for everyone. I dunno, I just feel like we can work together for positive results here.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 02:23 PM
1

Struggling men would still exist but the whole process would be more fun. I’m more interested in making the process of finding a partner less stressful and emotionally draining than I am helping dudes who can’t find a date get picked up by random women.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 02:02 PM
2

The same is also true for men though. That’s why I say tag. It goes back and forth, both parties know where the other party stands because they can interpret how they approach. It’s a better overall dynamic.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:58 PM
1

It would still be more fun for everyone involved. Including women.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:57 PM
5

In general, both genders should approach. Tag is a more fun game than chase.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:47 PM
0

It’s extremely clear what women want. They want all men to be okay with one-sided polyamory. So many of them have accepted “situationships” with men that they knew were having sex with other women they now expect all men to be okay with women doing the same to them.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:30 PM
-2

An admirable position, but at the end if the day isn’t likely to make your dating prospects any better. This is the offer that’s on the table. Be okay with your wife fucking other men even when you’re married or don’t date.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:24 PM
-3

Almost everyone multidates. Get used to it. In ten years your point of view will be considered highly misogynistic. How dare you expect to have a say in who a woman can and cannot have sex with, and etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 01:12 PM
0

Most men are just going to have to get used to the idea that the woman who becomes his wife probably had sex with other men while they were dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 12:52 PM
3

Women are also the gatekeepers of commitment. In fact if we’re going to use this frame of the situation, women gatekeep both sex AND commitment. Men who want commitment want it more than women do, trust me. Women won’t commit before having sex at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 12:10 PM
4

What motivation would women have for giving men they don’t want to date useful advice? Why would they help that person if they clearly think they don’t deserve a relationship with them?
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 10:36 AM
1

I grew up as a nerd in the late nineties and early aughts. Most women my age have absolutely no interest in anything I find interesting or entertaining. I’d rather hang out with younger people regardless of their gender.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/05/25 09:23 AM
5

Not for nothing but that’s a bit reductive, isn’t it? I don’t just require “romantic fulfillment” from my partner, whatever that means (though I’m guessing it’s a euphemism for sex). If I’m going to marry someone I need to be able to trust and confide in them, ask for their input, and be a friend to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/05/25 05:34 AM
1

Yeah, to be fair it’s not every gay man or even a majority I don’t think, but it’s an attitude I would prefer to avoid. I’m not saying that men are worse, can’t be good partners, or that I would be reticent to bring a man home or be open about my relationship to him. I have had wonderful friends who were gay men, who had lovely relationships on their own, who I was deeply envious of. If anything it’s the scene that puts me off the most. I would much rather we all just hang out on a couch watchin…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 09:00 AM
2

What does bi now gay later mean? It’s something said by gay men who believe that every bisexual man is guy a gay man in denial who just hasn’t had the right man yet. Think about it for a minute though. Faced with the general hostility from straight women and gay men alike, unless you can find another bisexual person in your life, you’re going to either have to choose or accept a massive reduction in your dating pool. In that situation, I am going to choose the side that isn’t making it a competi…
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 08:27 AM
3

It has nothing to do with mistrust. Women are also mistrustful of bi men. It’s because you’re possessive of my identity on top of it. You sound like the type of gay men who would say “bi now gay later” as an attempt to flirt with me.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 08:14 AM
2

Gay men like you are why I choose women, by the way.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 08:04 AM
4

Discussions like this are why even though I do experience attraction to men I’ll never actually act on it.
/r/PurplePillDebate29/04/25 07:15 AM
3

Look, lots of men also struggle with body issues because they have a lack of success out there in the dating market. We’re well aware where we stand in the general scale of attractiveness to women. I would give a wiman in the position you’re describing the same advice I would give any guy- Make yourself a more entertaining and pleasant person to be around. A six can land and stick a ten if they can use what they do have to the best effect.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 04:39 PM
3

One day OP will realize the absolute bliss of a pair of thick thighs wrapped around his face but today is not that day.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 02:20 PM
3

“It isn’t fair I have to make her sing like an eight part harmonic choir and have her try to kill me with her thighs before I get to put peepee inside!”
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 02:14 PM
5

Men and women both will say the absolutely nastiest shit to you when you’re tickling the part of their brain that makes ‘em feel good.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 12:52 PM
11

Because literally all it takes is you listening to her talk about what she actually enjoys, doing it, and if you’re feeling really ambitious saying filthy things to her while you’re doing it. Getting a man to orgasm usually requires vigorous physical labor
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 12:38 PM
5

Bro I am a notoriously open on this sub about my lack of real life sexual experience and I know for a fact I have helped women achieve orgasm without even being in the room. It isn’t that hard. It requires open communication and genuine effort, that’s it.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/04/25 12:28 PM
1

Dude I promise you you are filtering out like eighty percent of your actual good options by doing what you’re doing. Especially if you’re cyberstalking dudes you meet on dating apps (seriously just ask if you can friend them on social media).
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 05:58 PM
2

A person’s worth and value are determined by their values, their character, their interests, and how they treat themselves and others. Not how much money they make, the friends they keep (?!), or what house they live in.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 05:30 PM
1

Not necessarily what you’ve wrote, just a lot of the other discussions I’ve been having. Speaking just generally.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 05:10 PM
3

Looks, career, lifestyle, and status are absolutely not who they are as a person. At all.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 05:09 PM
3

So, women prioritizing everything about someone other than who they actually are as a person. At least you’re admitting it.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 01:45 PM
3

I mean I guess I could just internalize and dwell on my problems internally but I think that would have worse effects on my mental health.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 01:26 PM
3

Why what?
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 01:11 PM
4

I could at any time go out and find someone to have casual sex with. I choose not to because I don’t want that. I can still vent about not being able to find someone to share an actual connection wkth.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 12:21 PM
1

Mmmh, I appreciate the input. It’s just been an incredibly blackpilling series of threads lately on the idea that sex can ever be like… a genuine expression of love and care for me. Like why even engage in relationships at all at that point.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/04/25 11:12 AM
1

So, if this woman and I start a long term relationship, I never get to acknowledge that she was my first sexual partner, because doing so would mean getting caught in a lie?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 05:30 PM
2

I think normal women almost universally affirm to each other that you should wait for someone who loves and respects you, actually. You see it all the time in the relationship advice subreddit, other places online, where a girl will talk about a guy she’s seeing, and forwhatever reason she doesn’t want to have sex yet and he’s pressuring her. The comments are always near unanimous that she should end that relationship, the guy doesn’t respect her, she should wait for someone who genuinely loves …
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 04:08 PM
-1

I doubt that extremely highly. I think if you polled people something like 90 percent of people who lost their virginity in their teens/early 20s would say they loved the person at the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 03:22 PM
2

Just to say, it’s really not cool when I express I just want to lose my virginity to someone I love, an experience I’m going to assume YOU got to have in high school along with most other people, I get people making (incorrect, btw) assumptions about my sexual orientation
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 02:45 PM
1

The first article you cite is talking about all adults, obviously older married people are having regular sex. Just because someone isn’t a virgin doesn’t mean they’re having sex with a regular partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 01:26 PM
1

Hold on though. What if it means something to the guy? Like it’s important to him in the context of your relationship that you’re special to him that way? Would you generally just prefer not to know?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 01:16 PM
13

No it means most people aren’t having regular sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 01:10 PM
2

To which? Generally just interested in your perspective as a radfem to this discourse.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 12:02 PM
1

From just what I’ve seen and been told a lot of women don’t wanna have to deal with being a dude’s first partner at that age. Which is totally fine obviously. Just disheartening.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 10:03 AM
1

I’m kinda curious, are you genuinely surprised that there are a lot of us?
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 09:38 AM
1

For the sake of this inquiry in incidents where he was compatible with someone else the relationship didn’t work.
/r/PurplePillDebate26/04/25 12:15 AM
1

There can be a middle ground between having sex early on in a relationship and not having sex until you’re married. It doesn’t have to be religious.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 10:02 PM
1

No, not just regular dating. People who have sex on the third date after a month don’t love each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 09:13 PM
3

Combined ADHD, DX at 4. Possibly autistic but have never been evaluated, don’t really care either way. I don’t agree with those things you listed, I think the thing that was told to us the most that was a lie is the idea that there’s someone for everyone, and more broadly that any of this was supposed to be romantic or enjoyable in any way.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:46 PM
2

I definitely experience sexual attraction to people. Though usually I do find people more attractive given time and familiarity with their personality. I’m pretty sure I’m heterosexual in general. I have humored the idea of demisexuality but I don’t find it quite accurate. I still find porn with actors I don’t know to be hot. What I think the genuine case is that I played Kingdom Hearts as an 8 year old and some part of my dumb kid brain conflated sharing a paopou fruit and sex and now I can’t g…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:31 PM
1

Personal experience mostly of wanting to commit and women not wanting to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:24 PM
2

To be fair I have also known women to pursue men exclusively for sex and when he wanted to commit they left. Happens all the time because women don’t want to be tied down.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:22 PM
2

The difference between you and me is that I specifically do not want lots of sex with different women in different situations. I want a relationship with someone who loves me who I can share the slow parts of my life with and enjoy the time we have on this planet with. That does involve sex but I’m genuinely not that concerned about it. If I only ever had sex in the direct instances where my wife got pregnant but in all other respects we had a loving and stable marriage the rest of our lives I w…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:17 PM
1

What do you think I meant by that? I mean it’s less enjoyable.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 06:08 PM
2

You REALLY don’t understand me or what I’m trying to convey do you? But to answer your question: because it is a less intimate form of contact and people who consider it the opposite are just factually incorrect.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:48 PM
2

If what you’re saying is true and that a first sexual encounter is usually difficult for the woman I would ABSOLUTELY rather it go down with someone who loves and cares about me rather than someone who will laugh at me and tell me to kill myself after it is done.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:43 PM
6

Men do want long term relationships. It’s women who are avoiding long term relationships early in adulthood.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:35 PM
0

Yeah so just go have a sexual experience that is gonna leave me traumatized and genuinely make me never want to do it again. Brilliant advice. This is what I hate about discourse around this subject. If a young girl has an experience where she loses her virginity to a guy she thought cared about, and then he didn’t? Oh poor baby, you didn’t deserve that, nobody deserves that, you should always wait until you’re ready, don’t accept anything other than exactly what you want, etc. If it happens to …
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:30 PM
1

I can’t stress to you how much you aren’t paying attention to me when I say I don’t just want random people jumping on my dick. Literally everything you’ve said has been in service to “getting laid”, which yes, I’m going to interpret as casual sex where you don’t maintain a connection after the fact.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:09 PM
1

“Just spend your life savings you’re planning to buy a family home with to go traveling in an attempt to get laid with someone you’ll never see again. Trust me bro.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:04 PM
1

Visceral reactions to disgust at the idea of getting pumped and dumped as my first sexual experience, yeah.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 05:01 PM
-2

Not everyone wants to or can “live” the way you do. I have retired parents to take care of and a family around me. I can’t just hop on a plane whenever the fuck to go do social things. I don’t particularly want to go out drinking and partying either.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:45 PM
1

You really do just want people out here to be living irresponsibly.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:42 PM
3

My recommendation is to seek out women similar to yourself; that's good advice for a ltr in any scenario. You can chase whomever you want, I'm not stopping you, but there is probably less chance of rejection if you go for a woman who also is nice, neat, has a job and clean apartment and is a virgin. See how your description comes across as a job application? If that's not how you'd choose a partner, then maybe don't assume those things are enough for a woman, either. You’re right those things ar…
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:25 PM
-3

What to actually do? Travel, have adventures, make more friends, live fucking life. People have sex because they are socializing and meeting people. This reads to me like advice to go have casual sex with people you’ll never seen again to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:18 PM
3

There would have to be some indication it’s a loving relationship and they’re not just hooking up with someone who isn’t going to return his call the next day is what it means.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:09 PM
-1

Im not going to have sex with someone I’ve known for less than a day and it’s disgusting you think I should.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:07 PM
3

Yeah the OP downvoted me immediately. I did not, actually.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:05 PM
1

As usual reasonable, I would just point out like you said about guidance. The major difference is between regulating your emotions under regular social circumstances, and regulating them around sex. I expect the ups and downs that come with friendships of any kind are amplified when sex is involved. Kind of why I have the needs I do.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 04:01 PM
2

You clearly would not be a good fit for someone who likes to date around and keep thing casual, there is no need to fear scaring them off. Mmhmm, see where this is coming from. From my perspective the concern is less about scaring off people I’m not compatible with and more… being too much for the people I am, if that makes sense?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 03:57 PM
3

Edit: Wait, he's never even kissed anyone? Is he waiting for love to do that too? Probably not no just the right time in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 03:52 PM
-2

Mmhmm. I have money but it’s tied up in savings for a family home (haha I made that decision at 20 kill me now).
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 03:49 PM
-1

All of those things are good suggestions if you can afford them. Not everyone can afford to take a month off of work.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 03:45 PM
5

Probably for the same reason we know that if you’re a man and all you have to bring to the table is a large salary you’re probably not a good partner, if you’re a woman who spent her entire early life sweating to get in the C-suite it’s probably not going to be very fun to be your partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:59 PM
2

Minimally. Still doesn’t explain why I should open myself to anyone I don’t have to.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:51 PM
3

I can still purchase a car and drive myself from home and to work, I can still hire the services of a doctor and dentist. I can buy my own food and cook for myself. Besides, why would interacting with others provide me with validation? It could just as likely end with me being verbally abused.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:43 PM
-1

If that is the case then it needs to be a disclaimer in front of sexual education. “This information only applies to a small percentage of you. Procreation and romantic relationships are privileges of the social elite.”
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:31 PM
3

Right so why would I talk to or interact with you at all for anything other than my job?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 02:14 PM
2

It’s inconvenient not to trust you? That’s why I should trust you?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 01:53 PM
1

If we don’t have any obligations to each other, why would I or anyone else trust you to do anything that wasn’t agreed upon in writing?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 01:42 PM
3

Sure. And if you want to live in a world where the only obligation people have to each other is to follow the law, go ahead and create that society.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 01:35 PM
3

If your ambient personality makes people uncomfortable, you are objectively a bad person. If you are so misogynistic that even when you don’t voice your opinions women clue into it, you are a bad person. Neurotypical people do believe people with neurological conditions are bad people by default. The only one I might give a pass is ugly people but even then there are ugly people who find themselves in relationships all the time so that might not even be a valid example.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 01:33 PM
2

All of those things you just described that make someone unworthy of a relationship also make them, objectively, a bad person.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 01:22 PM
0

They can’t stop you if you move elsewhere.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 12:52 PM
3

We’ll have in-vitro gametogenesis in the next twenty years and then you’ll be able to have children without anyone else’s involvement, don’t worry.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 12:48 PM
8

Sure nobody is at fault. At the same time I feel my obligations to a society that believes our obligations to each other are minimal are also minimal. Obey the law is basically the only obligation in this case.
/r/PurplePillDebate25/04/25 12:43 PM
2

I haven’t been back to church much yet, work and mass schedules conflict, but I’ve been rediscovering faith over the last few years. Personally it helps me feel connected to the whole human story. I spent a long time in a state of spiteful rejection but belief in God’s love is helping me cultivate self love.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/25 08:36 AM
–

Putting aside the kind of silly example, I’m not sure it’s about control specifically. It might be a component of it, but I think the actual motivations are slightly different. Men generally don’t adorn our bodies. Some who spur traditional gender roles do paint their nails or wear makeup, but it’s mostly something women do. We don’t really understand it, so there’s a temptation to think it’s frivolous. The thought might take the form of “the body is a tool, why would I decorate it?”
/r/PurplePillDebate23/04/25 08:20 AM
1

Unattractive people aren’t bad people, they just don’t deserve to experience everything life and community have to offer. Got it.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 05:26 PM
1

Maybe not a dowry but if we could consolidate familial assets or homes then maybe?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 03:46 PM
8

To be kind of fair to OP, I do know a woman whose situation is what he describes. She has a child she had at 22, the father wants nothing to do with him. Won’t even visit to see him. She jumps from short term relationship to short term relationship. Drug problems. I don’t hate her, but I do feel sorry for her and rebuffed her when she was interested because I didn’t want to be involved.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 03:43 PM
1

So that’s obviously valid that you aren’t attracted to all of your friends. No one really is and we shouldn’t be expected to be. What I’m asking about is the people you describe as the more irksome folks. People who just can’t play the social game and come out the other side desirable. They might be good people in other aspects of their life, but for whatever reason they just can’t be seem “that way”. Are they just lesser people?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 03:37 PM
2

For example. I am friends and friendly with people I don’t want to date. I can understand this and where it’s going, but I’ll pose a question to do. Why would someone like this, who is generally not good company or so undesirable that it’s just something they’re going to have to live with it their entire life, even want to socially engage? Even if they could be friends with people, or have a large friend group, why would they want to when they know there will always be an explicit emotional barr…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 02:55 PM
3

I’m sorry, I recognize the distinction being made but I fail to recognize a difference.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 02:36 PM
5

“Bad person” and “undesirable person” are basically just synonyms though, aren’t they? Just genuinely, imagine you’re just a dude that struggles to find there person how you would feel if you knew that’s how people think. It destroys your self esteem.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 02:29 PM
13

There are a multitude of reasons some people are unsuccessful romantically that have zero to do with their inherent value as a person. If that’s the truth then why is it considered a red flag to still not have a relationship at 30?
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 02:22 PM
16

Yeah. That’s not what I’m refuting. I’m refuting your claim that people don’t think people who can’t find a partner are bad people. I think that’s why they think they can’t find a partner. That’s clearly what people think. People clearly think “if you were a good person someone would want to be with you, so if they don’t you’re clearly just a piece of shit.”
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 02:20 PM
33

No one thinks being undesirable makes you a “bad person I strongly disagree. There examples all of the place of people saying that the reason some men “can’t get laid” is because they are insufferable, horrible people, bad company, etc. etc. People do attribute one’s ability to find a sexual partner to one’s moral value. In fact this was the standard thing to say to people who posted incel rhetoric years ago. “You can’t get laid because you’re a bad person, not because you’re ugly” was what peop…
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 01:55 PM
1

Yeah just become gay.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/04/25 07:47 AM
1

I don’t disagree with that. I’m confused, what are we talking about specifically?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 05:43 PM
1

Paraphilias, kinks, preferences, all of it is fine as long as you’re safe, sane, and operate within the bounds of consent.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 05:38 PM
1

That might be, I don’t have hard data either way. We could have a discussion about what specific norms you’re talking about. To be fair to both men and women, I think we just don’t have frank and honest conversations about the deep stuff because it’s awkward and kind of embarrassing to talk about your specific paraphilias in public.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 05:32 PM
1

I recognize the parallel you’re making, and I agree, which might surprise you based on our previous interactions. Men and women should listen to each other when they’re explaining what they actually want. I think sometimes we send the wrong message or interpret signals wrong in interpersonal relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 05:19 PM
–

Oh agreed in that sense, but to me that almost feels like an “are you heterosexual” thing than a like… mate selection preference.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 04:41 PM
1

I don’t feel like any guy would reject a woman over her breasts in a vacuum. Her breasts being his ideal shape and feel is like a cool bonus. In terms of your worth as a human being it’s like less than a tenth of one percent. A barely noticeable difference in how attractive we find you because like 90 percent of that is going to be your hair, face, and eyes specifically.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 04:39 PM
–

In what respect?
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 04:13 PM
–

Yeah, thats kinda what I’m saying. The major factor hear isn’t exact cup size (though some men are idiots and will ask anyway, not denying that). What matters more is shape and feel.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 03:36 PM
–

That’s perfectly fine and a good choice if that’s how you want to present shrugs. None of what I’m saying is meant to be judgemental, just explaining precisely how this matters rather than trying to deny the fact it matters at all.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 03:28 PM
–

You usually can’t tell the size of a man’s penis unless you’re with him naked already.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 03:12 PM
–

Thats also kinda variable. It has to do with proportion. Two women with similarly sized breasts are going to have different levels of attraction based on height, weight, and body fat distribution.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 02:49 PM
–

The difference is that your breast size has nothing to do with how pleasurable the sex is.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 02:43 PM
2

I appreciate this actually, I wish people would he slower and more deliberate with these things.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 08:52 AM
42

I usually don’t concern myself about people pairings, beyond a curious “huh, wonder what the story is there”. Some men might be a little jealous in the “what a lucky guy” type way but I don’t know many guys who get actual resentment for it.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/04/25 08:46 AM
2

I agree with what you’re saying, when purity culture takes on a shaming dimension it’s obviously bad and disordered. The middle ground is definitely there for something, I just don’t know what on more than an individual scale. Like, you can be intentional in raising your children to be honest, upright, and respectful but not everyone will. Its a difficult dilema.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 08:02 PM
1

Your best bet in this day and age as a man is to remain chaste until you find a woman you love and trust.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 01:45 PM
6

Yeah, I grew up Catholic in a more liberal part of the country so my recollection of “purity culture” is probably way different from most. I never heard anyway say the type of thing like, “having premarital sex is like being a chewed up piece of bubblegum”, an absolutely disgusting analogy. The most extreme thing I was ever told, which I don’t think was that extreme personally came from my mom. She simply told me “never have sex with a woman you don’t love”, which I think was fair.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 01:05 PM
12

Your sexuality does need to be curtailed. Not because sex is bad or evil, but because having sex with the wrong person at the wrong time can have negative down the road consequences. For you and them. Take this as an example. Sally likes Jim. Jim doesn’t really like Sally romantically, but does think she’s attractive. Sally and Jim hang out in a one on one setting and Sally opens herself up to Jim. Jim decides to engage sexually with Sally even though he doesn’t want a relationship with her. Jim…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/04/25 12:07 PM
1

It’s not advice it’s just a description of the way things work. If you’re such a boring person the only way you can attract a partner is with wealth (aka beta bucks), you aren’t going to attract the partner you actually want.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 08:05 PM
2

No, they can’t. Men that don’t have women who actively want them, who are competing with other women over him, are stuck with whoever fancies them. You have no guarantee at all that person will be someone you even like spending time with.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 07:41 PM
-1

Not happening chief is generally what I would tell him. Mediocre people get stuck with mediocre relationships.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 07:24 PM
11

Is this propaganda to move to the Dominican Republic?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 04:03 PM
2

No I just don’t like people who say they love someone when they clearly couldn’t give a fuck.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 04:00 PM
6

Naw. That’s victim blaming talk. If you cheated you cheated because you wanted sex but not with your partner, and were too cowardly to break up with them. Cheating isn’t complicated, complex, down to multiple factors, or any other excuse for the action other than “I wanted sex with someone other than my partner and am too chickenshit to break up with them.”
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 02:02 PM
1

That is exactly why women cheat. Cheating is not complicated: you no longer love your partner enough to be exclusive so you go fill your sexual needs with someone better than them.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/04/25 01:17 PM
1

Doesn’t really depend. Pretty much all women will tell you what they want you to do with your bits if you open with “so first time partners…” or something similar.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 03:33 PM
2

Bro I know what some, specific women are into. I would never walk into a sexual encounter with a new partner assuming I already know what she wants me to do. If we’ve talked I’ll have a general idea of what she wants but otherwise you’re calling that shit in the ring.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 03:28 PM
2

Mmhmm, I think I can see that. I always thought of the art in Gender Queer the same as I do the webcomic by queer sex educator Erika Moen, Oh Joy Sex Toy!. It’s explicit but with apologies to Erika I don’t think anyone has ever masturbated to it. And that’s totally fair. I think this topic gets messy because sex is quite different for most people, and I think psychology just kind of gets dismissed.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 12:38 PM
2

bc it is illustrated the sequence with oral sex is much more graphic than a similar sequence in like looking for alaska where the kid gets a bj. I’m not sure I’m reading this right but I would strongly disagree with the sentiment that a written blowjob is just inherently less arousing or intense than a visual of it just because John Green wrote an entirely not arousing scene of a disinterested girl giving a disinterested boy head disinterestedly. I don’t have much hard data to go by, and I’m not…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 12:18 PM
9

Because they aren’t actually in danger but the threat of say, losing control or becoming lost to the act itself is thrilling. Why do people like skydiving and bungie jumping? Same thing. Try reading/writing smut for women, you’ll learn a lot about their sexual psychology.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 12:11 PM
9

Its not so much that they can’t be beat and more that the deaths are - at least in Silent Hill and Resident Evil and other mid-2000s horror games - quite spectacular and fun to watch even if I don’t want that stuff happening to me.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 12:00 PM
2

More women read smut than watch porn, and as someone who has written smut for the express purpose of exciting my friends I can tell you women tend to have more extreme fantasies than men in this regard.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:54 AM
3

Clearly haven’t played Silent Hill or Resident Evil or games like Dark Souls where the failure state is part of the main gameplay loop.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 11:51 AM
14

Not a woman, but I guess women enjoy this sort of thing for the same reason anyone likes violent video games, extreme sports, and the like - the idea of danger is thrilling and as long as there’s no actual risk to your well-being indulging in it can add to the experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/04/25 10:55 AM
0

Yes I’m aware of cunnilingus.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 06:15 PM
1

Yeah… I know. Doesn’t mean that “small dick” isn’t literally the go-to for women about any guy they have beef with.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:46 PM
1

I dunno. Which do you think is more likely? Fifteen year old guys lying about not having sex in order to protect their ego or fifteen year old girls lying about someone to harm their reputation snd their feelings for bonus points.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:39 PM
2

I assume they use whatever words would do the most harm to his reputation and cause the greatest deal of emotional pain.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:37 PM
1

Yes. Obviously. Men talk to each other about this kind of stuff just as much as women do.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:31 PM
2

Because I was friends with those boys.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:26 PM
-1

Again, yes. You cannot convince me things don’t happen that I have seen happen. When girls in school talked about their ex boyfriends, I know for a fact at least three of them were lying about them being “bad in bed” because I know for a fact they never had sex with those boys.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:16 PM
1

Well you’re both wrong then.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 03:15 PM
1

Sure, that’s what it means. I’m making the assertion that women also say that when the case is that they broke up with a guy because he has a small penis and she doesn’t want to have sex with him, and doesn’t want to be vulgar in explaining that.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 02:56 PM
1

It’s perfectly possible for sex to be bad for other reasons but usually those reasons can be ironed out with good communication. I don’t know why, if we’re adults, we’re breaking up with people over it. Or if we’re talking about someone we had casual sex with, I’m not sure why we would be talking trash about them as an adult either.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 02:19 PM
-1

Yeah and usually if that’s the case you can talk to your partner about it and it becomes not a problem. Generally if a woman is talking about an ex in this manner, that’s what I’m going to assume.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 02:16 PM
-1

Yes, because no one has ever used euphemism to avoid being vulgar in mixed company.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 01:47 PM
1

How is that not just a logical series of cause and effect?
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 01:46 PM
1

I think the logic here is pretty straight forward. If you aren’t going to have sex with a man with a small penis, and the man you’re dating turns out to have a small penis and you break up with him, the reason you’re breaking up with him is because he has a small penis.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 01:42 PM
0

Don’t be dense. People obfuscate what they really mean with language all the time. If you break up with a guy because you won’t have sex with him because he has a small dick, that’s the reason. But no woman is going to be garish enough to actually say it out loud.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 01:35 PM
-4

It’s not true in the literal sense. It’s true in the sense that when women say it, that’s what they mean.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 01:21 PM
1

Nah. Just correct. Men aren’t stupid.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:56 PM
4

Yeah they do. For the same reason they say all women are tens.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:47 PM
-2

Nah. Women will say that even if you give them oral orgasms.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:38 PM
0

Yes it is. Here’s a rule of thumb: when women agree on something that men can’t possibly disprove, it’s because that stance gives them social power.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:30 PM
-5

Yes because that is what is true. “Bad in bed” is literally synonymous and a euphemism for “he has a small penis.”
/r/PurplePillDebate13/04/25 12:18 PM
1

Heart defects and other cardio vascular problems. I saw the inside of a lot of hospitals as a kid.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 11:20 PM
-1

It’s not the best when your parents are like 30 years removed from youth culture and just don’t take interest in your hobbies and interests because it’s so far past their point of reference. I’d like them to have a good relationship with their grandkids but it’s looking like slim odds at this point.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 02:46 PM
11

Yeah my mom was 42 when I was born and I’ve got a bunch of birth defects, and both parents are now well in their seventies and I’m the only one around to look after them. Not great.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 12:46 PM
1

Yeah, tends to be what happens. If you’re looking for someone to be intimate with, you’re looking for someone fundamentally different than you’re looking for someone to share your interests with. The latter is what you look for in a friend, and if you don’t find both in your partner then that’s just what it is. And that’s the most likely outcome by far.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/04/25 12:06 PM
1

I think I mean problematic in the way media one consumes affects how you conceptualize things. I think games specifically when handling love gamify the subject that’s really weird. Final Fantasies 7-9 manage to talk about the subject in a mature manner, and those came out in the late nineties. I do have a soft spot for those games specifically for how they talk about love and I worry that kind of affection warps how people conceptualize love. And yeah, a lot of stuff has gotten mainstream. I can…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 11:39 PM
0

Yeah… because it’s a tight knit religious group… who happen to be practicing Orthodox Jews. Now, I’m Catholic so we also have a thing about marriage but I think the Orthodox Jews have even us beat. And actually, Rabbi yes! Marriage is a miracle! It was given to us by god to order our lives and be more like him.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 09:06 PM
0

Yeah that kind of behavior is pretty inexcusable.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:54 PM
2

Actually upvoted because all of those are really good comebacks to the assertions being made. A lot of this relies on assumption and has been pointed out elsewhere, is applicable broadly. It’s not a particular problem with nerds or nerdy hobbies (though admittedly I know and have been the kind of nerd that is problematic for this reason), it’s an issue of having unhealthy ideas about relationships generally and not thinking of your partner as a whole person. Also yes I was kind of just being mea…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:48 PM
1

Hmmm… we could broaden the scope yeah, that’s a good point. I think the thing I was trying to capture here was the slipperiness of the fantasy, of the thought. Because it’s not whittled down to “is a bit clingy and has odd hobbies”, is it?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:36 PM
0

Right, which is why with both men and women those people are usually friends, not partners. It can happen with a partner but it shouldn’t become a fascination of yours to have a partner who is exactly like this.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:29 PM
1

Because what is described is a fantasy of a relationship that relies on making your partner into a prop instead of a person.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:27 PM
-1

Very good for noticing that women nerds exist and are a vital part of the community, things I did not contest in the post. The stats are not why this is delusional.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:24 PM
1

All true. It’s the obsession that’s the problem that fuels the rest of it. They form a fantasy of a relationship in their head that doesn’t mesh with reality and really isn’t healthy because they’re like… hyper focused on this desire to experience thing with person they think will be transformative or special.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:17 PM
1

I mean it can indicate someone is either autistic or has ADHD but I don’t see what that has to do with anything unless you are also biased not just about yourself dating those kinds of folk but everyone not dating those kinds of folk.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 08:05 PM
1

I have had a lot of friends of mine who were women. I’m not fully talking about myself with the post but the emotional core of the argument does take from my own experience. I recognize that the desires are a kind of warped fantasy of what a relationship is like. A pre written script for going from stranger to married. It isn’t healthy and isn’t good for forming a relationship. The thing about it is that those people in your life you experience fandom with aren’t going to be the people that like…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:58 PM
0

It’s not so much the numbers game here. The numbers are relatively similar (55-45 is stretching the bounds of believability in terms of male-female split among nerdy types), but you’re more likely to just wind up friends with someone like that than life partners.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:50 PM
1

No… he’s your husband? I’m not trying to devalue your relationship. I’m happy that you found someone you match with, congratulations. It isn’t as common as you think.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:45 PM
2

What we don’t want is to be treated like a prop in someone else’s fantasy. That’s where a lot of the disconnect happens. This is mostly what I was articulating in the post. That these guys obsess over a fantasy of something that literally will never happen and it ruins their mental.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:43 PM
1

I know you didn’t say that. I also didn’t say that. Nerdy guys get out on the marriage path all the time. It’s just very rarely to the type of girl I described.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:40 PM
0

Seriously do you need advice to get your points across to a nerdy family member or something? Don’t have any, thanks. Of course you can be a serious reliable adult with those hobbies. Was never my point that these nerdy guys can’t find any partner. The point was that they have an unhealthy fantasy in their mind of what an ideal relationship would look like that is incredibly unlikely to happen.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:39 PM
1

Real people live that way plenty. The point is that if you have that person in your life, they are far far far more likely to be just your friend than a life partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:36 PM
-1

Mmhmm, I mean probably. I’m not even one hundred dissing on nerdy girls. I’m sure I could say the same about something you personally enjoy. I bet there are wonderful guys who you personally know and hang out with that share your hobbies. You might even do your hobbies with them sometimes! But I’m willing to bet most of them in your head are friend material, not husband material.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:35 PM
1

Yeah, and usually those people are their friends, not their partners. I’m not saying nerdy men and nerdy women can’t have long lasting friendships that last their lives and are loving. I’m saying friendships and relationships are inherently different, and one of those differences is that you aren’t going to engage in fandom with your spouse the way you engage in fandom with your friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:32 PM
-2

Mmhmm, exceptions exist. Some young women do indeed end up with the rich guy with a six pack in his twenties.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:28 PM
-1

Might be, but also not what the topic is about. This isn’t about nerdy men not getting laid. Nerdy men get laid all the time. It’s about a particular fascination nerds have about sharing their favorite things with their favorite person which has always been a non-starter.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:26 PM
2

Really now? We’re talking about life partners and you’re suggesting prostitution?
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:23 PM
-1

Yup. Never claimed any of that was untrue but getting it all in one package that is interested in you specifically is a long shot bordering on shooting Pluto with a peashooter.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:20 PM
-1

No… this is a general callout to nerdy men to not have these standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:17 PM
-1

Yeah, they are, and they do! Never said that wasn’t the case. The thing is, for most of those women, the guys that go to those cons are best-friend material, not husband material. Someone you would hang out wjth, drink beers, and play games with. Not someone they want to get cute and snuggly with.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:14 PM
0

Yeah? And? People are allowed to want to be attracted to their partner, which is partly why this is a pipe dream. Can it happen that you wind up with a hot girl as a nerdy guy? It’s been known to happen. That same girl into all the same stuff you are? Probably super unlikely. Could probably find a girl like that, but chances of her being attractive and also wanting to date you? Do you look like Cloud Strife? Probably not then.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:10 PM
-1

It’s deeper than that. Sure they shoot themselves in the foot in that case, but the entire thing is a pipe dream.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 07:03 PM
6

You are, in fact, projecting what you did onto other men who are describing things they experienced, going “they sound the way I did when I lied about getting laid in school, so they must be lying about this abuse.”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:26 PM
5

You’re admitting that you discount men’s experiences of abuse because you lied about getting laid as a child and you don’t think these men are telling the truth because they’re describing something you haven’t experienced. I understand that women are telling the truth when they describe their experiences because there’s not much of a reason to lie about it. Not because, well oh shucks, men are so likely to commit violent crime (not what the data says, the data says most criminals are men), women…
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:20 PM
4

So, the answer to “why do you disbelieve men” is “because I was an insecure liar as a child and lied in unconvincing ways, therefore when I see a man making a bold claim about another person’s behavior I assume they are lying”, and the answer to “why do you believe women” is “because men are shit.”
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:13 PM
3

Okay why do you believe women about their stories about men who were awful to them in relationships but not men’s stories about women? Being able to suppress your emotions doesn’t make you a stronger man, btw.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/04/25 04:07 PM
1

Translation: I believe one must have a relationship before the age of 25 to be a decent human being.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:58 PM
1

Okay but if the older man is actually a good partner then that shouldn’t matter, should it? If an older guy in his thirties has the ability to support a girl in her early twenties out of college and she shows more appreciation for him because of that, allows him to guide the relationship, and grow alongside him, again there shouldn’t be a problem. All of this of course assumes he’s actually that kind of guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:32 PM
–

Yes. Because what you said is 1000 percent projection.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:24 PM
–

And what’s the problem with wanting to date someone who is going to be a better partner (minus the less emotional maturity part)?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:23 PM
–

The hard doubt is about your assertion about men. Most men just ask out the women who already adopt the kind of style they like rather than trying to change it once they start dating.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:21 PM
–

Women expect men to dress how they want them to before they even start dating, so hard doubt on this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 06:15 PM
2

You have to do all of the domestic labor when you live by yourself anyway, but as long as we’re using the statistics of flawed studies to make our life decisions, why should I invite someone into my life and marry them when there’s a more than fifty percent chance that no matter how good of a husband I am she’s still going to force me to liquidate everything I’ve worked for my entire life so that former “marital assets” can be evenly distributed?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/04/25 09:05 AM
0

The fact of the matter is, that’s what “being traditional” is. People make this huge deal about traditional meaning one breadwinner, which was almost never the case. “Traditional” means the traditional family, relational, and living structure. That’s why the line “most men can’t afford a traditional woman” is a load of crap. Most men can’t afford to have a wife who doesn’t work. My parents both worked, my grandparents all worked, they were all pretty traditional people.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 02:33 PM
-1

That’s literally what you’re saying though. You’re literally saying that in order for you to be a monogamous, loving wife who lives with her husband and has his children, you need to have all your expenses paid for by said husband.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/04/25 08:28 AM
1

If you get divorced, especially if the divorce involves abuse, the man is going to be losing half of the marital assets anyway. Again, both of you should be saving for the future, especially if you’re having kids!
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:55 PM
2

I’m gonna tell you the same thing that people tell me when I say I have a problem with the expectation for sex early in a relationship- if you have a medical condition that causes friction in your relationships then yeah, being open and frank about it before becoming emotionally attached to the relationship is going to be required to find the right person for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:51 PM
-1

Yes. You should have money saved in case the relationship breaks down, for whatever reason. You should have money saved in case your husband dies in an industrial accident. Finding out your partner has money saved up in case the relationship ends somehow shouldn’t cause you worry.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:47 PM
-1

I really don’t think they’re analogous in the way you think they are. A woman saving money in case of divorce (again why is it “hidden”, having those savings should be expected) wouldn’t be mistrust it would be self preservation at that point. What’s your plan if you get the paternity test and find out it’s not your kid?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:42 PM
-1

Hard disagree with most of this. If my wife didn’t have six months of her expenses saved somewhere she could immediately access her and I would have to have a long conversation about financial planning and responsibility. If she was pregnant and didn’t have said savings we would have to have an even longer conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 02:23 PM
2

Yeah, the relationships fail, but if you want your relationships to not fail you actually need to have more of them. You need to exercise those skills so you will be better at them and you aren’t going to do that by decentering relationships in your life. To have a successful lifelong relationship you actually need to develop those skills, which isn’t a solo venture. Hence why it’s a bad idea, by the way, to say “I’m just gonna have my fun in my twenties and then settle down when I’m ready to ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:59 PM
2

Almost all relationships work in the moments that they happen. If a relationship fails it isn’t because they giy or the girl weren’t good enough for the other, or they were fundamentally incompatible from the beginning, they fail because of poor relationship skills in general. Toxic relationships don’t happen because people are toxic, they happen because people fail to communicate effectively and built resentment turn them toxic.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:49 PM
2

Generally if I’m considering two women and we’ve had discussions about how our lives would look married, the woman who makes ~50k at her full time job, but is going to be monogamous and willing to have kids and be home when I get home is going to be the far preferable option to the woman who makes 100k a year, isn’t jazzed to have kids, and will probably be at the office until an hour or two before we have to go to bed before work in the morning.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:43 PM
4

Why are you people so blackpilled on relationships that you will actively discourage people from seeking them out by going “well what if it’s a toxic relationship?” You sound like a red piller telling men not to get married because what if your partner decides to get a divorce and take half your income and the kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/04/25 01:23 PM
2

I don’t know many people who started dating people that they aren’t sexually attracted to. Usually that happens more down the line I think, doesn’t it? Like losing attraction to someone you’re married to over time or something.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:50 PM
1

Do we really trust them to make statements about it? And yeah, differences about politics suck. Though personally I can think of maybe like… one or two topics that would make me say “absolutely not” to dating someone.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:36 PM
5

I definitely feel you about resentment. It can flow both ways and I’ve definitely seen nasty arguments about finances. A lot of it is also kind of just being an adult and budgeting properly. But you’re right, might be something to add on to the list.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:33 PM
1

Eh, I think people are always gonna do that just because there’s a lot of immature people out there.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:26 PM
6

I would disagree, I think a lot of people default compatibility down mostly to strict sexual compatibility (especially red pill men) or the baby question.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:24 PM
5

May have a point, I think a better way to put it might be career, or work ethic? Because I can definitely see the negative flip of this where one person is more of a homebody but still works and one is a workaholic. I know I wouldn’t want to marry someone like my mother and father, who both fall under the workaholic category. Their marriage works for them but i wouldn’t want something like it myself.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:22 PM
1

Question to clarify because I may not fully understand, are you saying to stay further down the chart to avoid bad relationships as in avoiding commitment, because I think that’s a little simplistic. I also think it’s more complicated than just loyalty, attraction, and personality. Don’t you also have to think about where you are in life, where you’re both going, and some kind of goal?
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 04:20 PM
6

True, humor is definitely important. I think that falls into general vibe and interests; I know that most of my best conversation bits with friends are just us making jokes about our favorite games and shows. Kinda hard to make a funny joke about something if the other person has no idea what you’re talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 03:27 PM
1

I mean… yeah, obviously. The point is that it doesn’t make sense to avoid something because some people have negative experiences with that thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 03:21 PM
1

I’m not going to get into what I do for work and in my personal life, but no. Not even close.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 03:02 PM
1

Because it could lead to violence against people you would deem as being a net negative value to the world.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:52 PM
1

That’s a really, really dangerous worldview to hold but okay.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:48 PM
1

Every human being is a net benefit to the world, first of all. Second, I think creating new life either is or at least should be an act of love. Though this is a religious viewpoint, so maybe we don’t gel there either jt seems.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:38 PM
1

shrugs I think it’s kind of shitty if you don’t even give your parents a chance from the get go. Again, it’s one thing if your parents are abusive or neglectful but if they’re doing their jobs as parents you should at least recognize the hard work that goes into it.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:27 PM
1

Depends on what the “you owe me” means. You do actually kind of owe your parents for the fact that you exist at all. Not unconditional contact or forgiveness but like… you owe them at least a chance. If they break your trust that’s one thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:19 PM
1

I dunno, I guess I just see it the same as venting about work or school, or the way sometimes kids complain about their parents. Unless you think the fact my coworkers and my mom complain about their kids means they don’t love them, in which case hard disagree.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:12 PM
1

Alright, but to circle back to the original topic, this is my point. People can have problems with having children, and be open about it, and still be happy that they’re parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 02:01 PM
-1

Probably because the pluses of the relationship outweigh whatever they’re complaining about, I would think.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 01:52 PM
-4

“Feminists existing” is a bit glib but what I meant by it is that women complain about their partners and men in general all the time. Your logic would indicate that if I see people complaining about their relationships then I should avoid them.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 01:43 PM
-4

People complain about things they love and that benefit their lives all the time. Men would be right to be MGTOW if feminists existing actually meant that being in relationships didn’t actually bring women joy.
/r/PurplePillDebate31/03/25 01:31 PM
1

Well, it depends on the kind of life you want to live, now doesn’t it? I don’t think anyone out there is going to disagree with you on much of these downsides to marriage and having children. You do lose some of your individuality, in some relationships completely losing your individuality to become one unit is the point. You have less money to spend on yourself. You have less freedom to be sexually adventurous. Some women might marry unreliable men who make bad partners and fathers. You also ha…
/r/PurplePillDebate27/03/25 08:31 AM
11

The way the question is framed is inflammatory but I’ll give it a go: Yeah. If she’s someone who shares my values and at least some of my interests, I’d probably spend time dating her. Where things go - whether we get married, whether kids get involved - might get complicated.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 10:09 PM
2

Thanks… or well, maybe you’re welcome for the input XD Fair though that’s valid.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 08:55 PM
1

Seems reasonable. Sounds like something you'd work out before dating then.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 08:52 PM
1

In a situation where you aren’t waiting for marriage, which I will just let you implant your own preference for, let’s say three months.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 08:51 PM
1

Like say it’s a friend you meet going to like, bar trivia or something similar with your friends. You talk and flirt a bit, he asks you out, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 08:47 PM
1

Very relatable and reasonable ngl. If you don’t mind me asking your opinion along that vector, what’s your ideal timeline look like?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 07:36 PM
3

I don’t think he has to misrepresent himself for this to be the case; in the conversation I was having the context was something more naturalistic or organic, you’re seeing this guy because of proximity more than anything else.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 07:16 PM
4

The informed choice bit is interesting, can you elaborate on it a bit? Not sure I 100% know what you mean.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 07:10 PM
1

I’d say that’s reasonable, nobody gets hurt and we’re not wasting anybody’s time. Definitely a valuable perspective.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:38 PM
5

Interesting, and definitely helpful. I definitely think the slow rollout as you put it would be personally ideal. Do you have an perspectives or advice to give on how you and your partners navigated those discussions and escalations?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:37 PM
3

Basically, we were talking along the lines of intercourse. Probably doesn’t extend to like kissing, extended make outs, cuddling etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/03/25 06:14 PM
–

Counterpoint: People in general have very little reason to define themselves as “feminists”. Most people have good reason to apply a feminist lens to their analysis of the world and events, and especially public policy.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/03/25 04:27 PM
2

The entire post is a condemnation of heterosexuality as unfixable.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 06:31 PM
5

This isn’t how interpersonal relationships work. Stop trying to assign moral value to gender identity and sexuality.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 06:23 PM
1

They do, but I think that experience is different for men and women. I think women mostly experience leaving the house as liberating. Men do too, to an extent, but for me it feels more like something that’s an obligation. I might be wrong of course.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 05:21 PM
4

Stoicism and self-reliance can be bad, it depends. If your stoicism conflicts with your ability to empathize, that’s toxic. Same if your independence and self reliance makes you reluctant to seek professional help when you need it. See: 52 year old men who drop dead of a heart attack because they wouldn’t go to the doctor about their high blood pressure.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 02:19 PM
2

Not consciously. Systems develop as a reaction to material conditions and historical dialectics.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 01:02 PM
–

Wear garlic, contrary to popular misconceptions, vampires prefer humans who eat garlic because it makes blood easier to digest.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 12:57 PM
0

It’s the definition that applies. Ideological feminists would argue that patriarchy is the dominant social hierarchy, I disagree. Capitalism is the dominant social hierarchy.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 12:26 PM
4

Male-centered domestic hierarchy
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 12:15 PM
2

Yeah but people aren’t doing the most damage to other people- systems are. I’m not blaming women or feminism (though some women like antifeminists like Pearl Davis and transphobic radfem types do perpetuate negative ideas about gender and the male body). Feminism is quite good sometimes. It’s just not a cure all. You need some socialism and a bit of religion in there too.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 11:17 AM
12

Agreed but male centric domestic hierarchy is not the only thing creating problems for all of us. Patriarchal expectations aren’t the only reason men feel pressured to make an independent living. It’s cold outside where I live in the winter.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 11:02 AM
11

I mean, kinda? I don’t see how either would go away just because we got rid of male-centered domestic hierarchy. Like that’s part of it but it’s not the whole thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 10:44 AM
111

Its not just the fault of women - the wombo-combo of being treated like a potential threat by strangers and the necessity to earn an independent living creates a psychological strain that leads men to believe they can only rely on themselves. Hence the stoicism, emotional withdrawal, and isolation that people decry as toxic.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/03/25 09:22 AM
2

Yeah people who react to rejection with outward facing violence are weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 04:11 PM
1

If a woman takes advantage of you while on a date, like if she ghosts you after the meal and pays little attention to you during, just take a page out of women’s book: name, shame, and post her photo on social media in public.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 03:34 PM
1

One of the things about this that not many people have mentioned is that there is also a prevailing stereotype that has existed since the late eighties that bisexual men are more likely to carry and transmit HIV, despite the fact bisexual men have a lower infection rate than gay men.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 02:49 PM
2

Ideal to be honest; it’s not that difficult to let your partner know you’re mentally/emotionally present even when you can’t be together physically
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 01:09 PM
1

Not everyone has to accommodate to you, that’s why we have choice in partner. But again, if you’re reaching out to your partner to wish them a good day when you may not get to talk to them for most of the day and they ignore you? Yeah, they aren’t holding up their end of effort in the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 12:55 PM
6

Hot take: good morning texts are literally the simplest, bare minimum way to show your partner that you care about the relationship and if you refuse to engage with them you deserve to get dumped
/r/PurplePillDebate21/03/25 12:43 PM
5

Generally throughout my life my women friends were apathetic to the fact I didn’t have a partner and when I have mentioned being dissatisfied with that their reactions have ranged from “that sucks bro” to “stop whining you aren’t entitled to anything” to “just go to therapy”, so no, I don’t think point three kf yours holds.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 06:29 PM
-1

Why would she do that?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 06:13 PM
2

Are you seriously suggesting making friends with women in the hopes that maybe they’ll become sexually attracted to you as a dating strategy for men?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 05:32 PM
5

It’s worth noting that the same is true for most men as well, despite what they claim about “being willing to date any average girl”. If men were honest with themselves, no they wouldn’t. Most men wouldn’t date any typical woman who had wildly different life goals and interests, who were just kind of awful to be in the company of, and aren’t somewhere around their age. Though at the end of the day, the problem isn’t “what percentage of men wouldn’t I potentially date”. That’s blackpill doomerism…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/03/25 04:37 PM
5

I think a man being “vulnerable” about how much he likes his girlfriend is attractive specifically to his girlfriend if she wants him to commit. I don’t think a man showing his emotions in any other context is attractive to women, no.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/03/25 09:19 AM
0

I mean yeah. Still sucks. Maybe we do something as a collaborative effort to help people while retaining everyone’s rights and agency.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 07:48 PM
1

You’re right, we’re not guaranteed what we want. It just kinda fucking sucks ¯_(ツ)_/¯
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:37 PM
1

Of course. Like I said, it’s their personal ideal for their first time, and like you’ve said, that means it might go unfulfilled. In the same respect, other people are not entitled to your sexual availability.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:29 PM
3

Fair enough, we’ll have to agree to disagree. For what it’s worth, I think that everyone, man or woman, no matter their age, is entitled to their personal ideal first sexual experience. Not when or with whomever they choose, but the context of it is absolutely their prerogative.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 06:18 PM
3

And that’s why I say it’s unjust. Because if a woman came and said “I have a bunch of people who want to have sex with me but I’m a virgin and want to wait for someone who wants to actually be with me”, that would not be your response.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:24 PM
6

32
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:11 PM
3

But that’s what I’m trying to communicate. That it is about the right flavor or outcome - what I value is the experience of losing my virginity to someone who actually cares about my well-being, which by your standard is literally impossible.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:06 PM
3

Right, but to circle back around to where we were talking about all of this as a standard- those people are not going to date older men with no experience because that is the standard, where as people who are just looking for a one night stand by definition don’t care.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 05:01 PM
5

Right, so in the real world if we have someone who can find a second participant, but only second participants who don’t want to see the type of movie they want to watch, they are in the same predicament.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 04:13 PM
5

I understand the wonkiness in the analogy. What I’m getting at isn’t the type of person we’re selecting for, it’s for the “flavor” of experience it’s going to be. Is it in the context of a loving and supporting relationship (vanilla)? Is it in the context of hooking up with a FWB (chocolate, strawberry)? Is it in the context of him just fucking some random at a bar (coffee) or with a prostitute (rocky road)?
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 03:56 PM
6

Interpersonally, yeah you’re right it’s not unjust. But the end-game of that guy’s experiences basically amount to this: Imagine there’s one ice cream shop in your town. Everyone can go there and get ice cream when you want, but there’s a catch. To get your first ice cream you have to take a ticket for the queue. Everyone’s time for when they can get an ice cream is essentially assigned at random and arbitrarily. It’s not first come first serve, there’s no meritocracy involved. Highly vibes base…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 12:33 PM
–

Yeah god forbid a man wants his first sexual experience to not be emotionally traumatizing
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 10:56 AM
2

So, what’s the answer here? You’ve talked before about your own experiences, which were wholesome. Should a man who feels he’s getting older-ish, enough that him being a virgin started becoming weird (say around 23?) just drop the desire for that kind of experience? Should he just engage in one night stands even though he knows they won’t lead to relationship, which is what he wants, because when he’s older women will have a standard he doesn’t meet because he didn’t meet the right person in his…
/r/PurplePillDebate14/03/25 08:35 AM
3

You will be living as a one income household for a time but you could also choose to mitigate this by saving money and planning ahead of the actual birth for the time you’ll spend at home. At least here in Massachusetts, and in most developed countries, we have paid parental leave for both parents too, which mitigates this. If having a family is something you know you want, and like most women you’re planning to not get married until thirty, maybe spend that decade in the workforce saving money …
/r/PurplePillDebate10/03/25 01:55 PM
2

If he doesn’t know, then he doesn’t know you’re right. I’m conflicted personally, I think you owe people a lot just in general.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 08:35 PM
2

The lack of empathy, for one thing. The self indulgence for another.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:52 PM
2

Such a disgusting attitude. “There are no objective standards besides consent and honesty, so any behavior is permissible no matter how many people it hurts or relationships it interferes with.”
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:49 PM
1

How? As a man it is your responsibility to not hurt others.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:47 PM
2

There actually are rights and wrongs. This whole attitude is why dating is absolutely miserable now
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:43 PM
2

That’s the man’s responsibility.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:15 PM
-2

He should have the decency, once they’ve determined that they are incompatible in terms of a relationship, to stop having sex with her. For two reasons. He’s using her for sex Him using her for sex might give her the wrong impression and she may not choose to go find someone who will treat her better because she thinks she still has a shot
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 07:03 PM
-7

He’s not in the wrong but he’s not doing the right thing either.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/03/25 06:57 PM
2

People breaking up because they are sexually incompatible happens all the time. That’s dating like 90 percent of the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 11:01 PM
3

I’m open to being convinced I might be overthinking things. The last part is worrying to me, that’s not something I mean to say or imply.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 10:42 PM
5

It may be surprising to you but some men run into the problem of having to break up with someone because they want sex before we do.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 10:04 PM
20

Either projected paraphilia as a result of abuse, or like some kind of extreme version of femdom.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 09:40 PM
81

I wouldn’t hazard to voice a guess as to why men would or would not have such fantasies as the victim in this scenario, as I don’t share that fantasy. I know why I don’t like to fantasize about being the perpetrator, it’s actually distressing to think about.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 09:37 PM
6

I am a man and I have unironically have had the opposite happen to me more often than the other way around. OP is projecting.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 08:53 PM
4

Making a friend: happy Realizing you want to marry that friend: not this shit again
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 07:10 PM
7

I think that’s a great answer, a good perspective for a lot of guys and I agree. If you have any advice for guys trying to read how they’re doing flirting, that would also be much appreciated!
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 06:50 PM
18

So, I don’t want to make this come off as attacking, but I sense an opportunity for bridge building. A lot of the time on this sub and others we see men and women arguing about men growing feelings in their friendship, and the idea that men “ruin friendship” when they “confess their feelings”, and a lot of the time when men ask for advice or clarification, the advice given is that we need to be up front in our intention/make our attraction known earlier in the friendship. As a woman, and for any…
/r/PurplePillDebate07/03/25 05:57 PM
–

Modern women almost certainly. We have more in common in terms of foundational childhood experiences, worldviews, and probably cultural touchstones.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/03/25 05:56 PM
1

Social security is different here than in the rest of the world. 15 percent is considered average. And you’re getting really hung up on the church thing. It’s not that weird.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 05:41 PM
1

Working out regularly, going to church regularly, and saving 15% of your income for retirement are all reasonable expectations for a 25 year old man.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 04:04 PM
1

Yes. Yes it is. Didn’t say being in the top twenty percent meant automatic success. I can’t say about where you’re from, but generally speaking even if competition is fierce it’s even worse for men who don’t try. But the actual standards aren’t something that are out of reach for the majority of men.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:49 PM
1

Fail to see how that disproves what I’m saying. Like you say the people who are dating go to the gym.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 12:36 PM
0

Less than 25 percent of adults in America get regular exercise. Less than that go to church regularly, so no. This is just straight facts.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/02/25 11:31 AM
0

Why’s that?
/r/PurplePillDebate25/02/25 08:14 AM
15

Generally guys who actually want that don’t push for sex before marriage because they themselves are also virgins. The type of guy you’re talking about is what would have been colloquially referred to as a fuckboy a decade ago. The type of guy who says “I can only have sex with someone I’m in love with” meanwhile he has a string of situationships a mile long behind him.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:49 PM
1

This might be controversial but if you, as a guy under say 50, are going to the gym 5 days a week, regularly attend church, and have a job that allows you to save ~15% of your income for retirement, you are already within the top 20%-10% of men. Those aren’t very high standards.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/02/25 03:19 PM
3

I mean, I know I cannot afford to entirely support myself and a family on my salary but I still want to marry someone who will be monogamous and want to have children. To me that’s still traditional, especially since the idea of “traditional” meaning SAHM forever was exceedingly rare throughout history.
/r/PurplePillDebate22/02/25 03:03 PM
1

Are you implying that gay people can’t, aren’t or don’t want to be monogamous?
/r/PurplePillDebate08/02/25 03:31 PM
2

Trick is matching likeminded folk together. I’m far more optimistic than I sometimes come across, don’t worry.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 08:47 PM
1

Well to me the sex is less important, but it’s still critical to me that I actually love and care for the person I’m having sex with.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 08:20 PM
1

I guess it’s more just my entire point - that it’s difficult for someone who does respect sexual intimacy to find a partner without compromising on their desires and beliefs given the current culture around dating. Though I did take your offense at the implication of dumping men because they didn’t give you sex to mean that you shared those ideals but maybe not
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 08:15 PM
1

Then yes, I will forgo sex for my entire life.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 08:11 PM
1

Respecting it in so far as respecting the emotions and connections one has for their sexual partner and the relationship as a whole.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 08:01 PM
1

So what you said before about you personally respecting sexual intimacy was untrue then.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:58 PM
2

It’s not about being sex repulsed it’s about not wanting sex with someone unless I actually want to start a family with them. This used to be a completely normal thing to want.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:51 PM
1

You literally just complained to me about being pumped and dumped and the. Told me to choose better (something women hate being told) for mostly the same thing
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:48 PM
2

And women shouldn’t talk out of one side of their mouth about how they want to be treated, and then treat men in the same way they complain about men treating them.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:44 PM
2

And a lot of men give women the sex they want, even when they don’t want it, and still don’t get the committed relationships they want either.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:38 PM
1

No, I really, really don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:34 PM
0

The sex is necessary because if we don’t give you sex we don’t get the relationship. This is the case for like, all partnerships not just hetero ones.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:31 PM
1

Yeah but you’re literally framing this as guys who are upset and feel down because they don’t have that familial relationship just being horny. You understand how you’re perpetuating outdated and untrue gender stereotypes about sex, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:27 PM
1

Okay so… again… some people desire relationships for the you know… actual familial relationship itself and value the sex less, and in some cases find the sex to be a distracting factor in the whole process.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:24 PM
2

… you understand some people’s parents like… die, right?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 07:15 PM
0

Has it occurred to you that some people don’t want a relationship for sex, and that for some, the sex is an unfortunately necessary component to getting what they actually want (I.e. a family)?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/02/25 06:24 PM
1

Cool. What happens to you when there are fewer workers?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 09:24 PM
1

So is that poor women as well, or just poor men?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 09:15 PM
1

Sure. Fine. Whatever. Liberal dystopia. Everything is an exchange of value.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 08:55 PM
1

It’s tied to more than money. It’s tied to time, to energy, to shared resources and community. You’re not just blending your incomes. You’re blending everything about yourselves. Boiling all of this down to just sex or just money or just loneliness is nonsense. Its all of it, and religion, and trust, and education.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 08:53 PM
1

That is such a reductive, horrid statement I don’t even know where to begin.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 08:39 PM
1

Do you think poor people banding together to work together to survive and make their lives better is a bad thing?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 08:16 PM
1

You literally have no clue how life changing being able to combine financial resources can be for working class people, do you?
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 07:58 PM
1

I said poor working class because that’s the vast majority of people who don’t have the resources to live your blessed solo lifestyle. And the source is my personal experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 07:30 PM
2

No, marriage and children are the issue, actually. I grew up in an extremely happy, poor working class home. Poor working class families are the happiest people on the planet.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 07:07 PM
6

You actually do have other options than just wildly speculating about another person’s life experience to explain why the feel the way they do. You could ask them why they feel like dating is difficult other than the non-starter of them being an incel. You could have a constructive dialogue that actually betters your own understanding of the situation instead of intentionally trying to make the other person feel bad by purposefully implying that their lack of friends is also because they’re an u…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 06:52 PM
3

You’re just straight up lying. Poor, working class single people do not live happy and fulfilling lives. They lead lives struggling to survive with glimmers of store-bought happiness. Your perspective is one that can only be born from extreme privilege, where the opportunity to engage socially in one’s hobbies, travel to places of passion, and pursue personal artistic goals are a swipe of a card away. The rest of us don’t live like that.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 06:36 PM
1

I do love my friends, but they are married with children, and I can’t see them as often as I want to anymore. But more to the point, NO, there are some levels of emotional connection and intimacy that are only possible with a romantic partner. Leftists want to believe that you can be perfectly happy and fulfilled without a family of your own, a complete and utter fantasy. Seriously, Karl Marx rolling in his grave to see the inheritors of his movement doing the most they can to perpetuate alienat…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 05:59 PM
5

Hmmm let me think… what is the difference between spending time with casual acquaintances and spending time with someone who loves you… for real left leaning folk would do a hell of a lot better convincing people of their ideals if they didn’t approach every discussion as if it’s the first time they’ve ever heard of the issue and ask obtuse questions designed to derail the conversation.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 05:39 PM
1

You would have a point if women didn’t make it absolutely clear that they don’t want men in their social circles asking them out because it’s manipulative.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/01/25 01:11 PM
2

Well the person I responded to seemed to believe it’s because those men are piece of trash incels, which is why I said what I said. As for why men say those things, it’s because they make value judgements about women who get abortions because they have an emotional response to it and are irrational.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 03:23 PM
0

I mean yeah, ideally someone who doesn’t want to be a parent probably should give the baby up for adoption because they’ll probably be a bad parent. That’s beyond the scope though, we could turtles-all-the-way-down ourselves to “they shouldn’t have had sex outside of matrimony” if we’re gonna start talking about the morality of the situation. But we don’t actually legislate based on morality, we legislate based on the protection of individual rights, which is why porn is legal but sharing nudes …
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 03:03 PM
–

Depends. I define spending time and going on actual dates differently, which we’ve talked about. I feel like going on planned, going-out-to-dinner type dates are more important during the initial stage of a relationship before moving on to sex and the bonding stage, at which point spending free time together casually takes precedence. Not to say that dating stops at that point all together, just that it becomes a less defining factor of the relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 02:31 PM
4

Personal hypocrisy, probably. I believe in the right to an abortion for practical reasons related to women’s health and anti-authoritarianism, and am in favor of bringing back programs like AFDC. Poverty shouldn’t force you into making decisions you wouldn’t make otherwise.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 01:28 PM
-3

I’m sure for some particularly incel men, that’s the case but most men do not actually have the “fuck you for having sex with someone who isn’t me” attitude. The reason you disagree with these men is because you fundamentally believe that because a fetus is inside you, it doesn’t count as a person, while they think it is a person. For them, you’re addressing the situation of being pregnant by just getting rid of the situation entirely. It’s the moral equivalent of leaving a newborn in a dumpster…
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 01:12 PM
6

In a sane country getting an abortion because you can’t afford to have a child wouldn’t be a thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/01/25 09:17 AM
3

It kinda depends on the person, I suppose. That’s not to mean physical attraction, that’s to mean how the relationship plays out. Do we find ourselves in a particularly romantic moment, then I will be physically intimate. Kissing, hand holding, cuddling on the couch, etc. It’s less of a timeframe thing, and more of a “if we’re spending the majority of our free time together and feel especially deeply about each other” thing. If I had to, I’d say anywhere between 2-4 months?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 07:05 PM
16

I would prefer to only have sex with people I love and who love me and those bonds usually take time to develop.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 06:58 PM
1

Ey, we agree! Should be like this for men too, at least if you’re dating seriously.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 09:40 AM
1

Bingo!
/r/PurplePillDebate20/01/25 09:36 AM
3

To me I think a lot of what causes our problems today comes from how we organize labor, education, and services, and a distinct disconnect between blue and white collar work. I would first institute several programs in early education that take inspiration from Japanese public education. Make the children responsible for cleaning the space they occupy, create systems to ensure everyone contributes and is accountable to each other and school administration. Survival skills education, everyone in …
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 06:11 PM
-2

This is one of the most unhealthy relationships with sex and alcohol I’ve ever heard of.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 02:34 PM
1

Yes
/r/PurplePillDebate19/01/25 12:33 PM
1

You have zero clue how much my cousin does for his children regardless of how often he’s allowed to see them. You hear about a condition of divorce and custody and immediately assume it’s the man’s fault.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 07:27 PM
1

Whatever, I’m done with this conversation with you confidently asserting things you know nothing about. None of what we’ve said justifies you calling him a deadbeat.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 07:23 PM
3

Making assumptions out the wazoo out here.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:18 PM
1

And you keep ignoring the fact he does drive himself, he does it four times a month. It’s her who can’t be bothered to make the trip twice, which is what would be required for a 50-50 split.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:17 PM
1

Whoa where did that last part come from? I explained to you the agreement they came to. He wanted more time, he wasn’t able to negotiate it. These are just facts.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 06:06 PM
1

How about you read the rest of the thread where I answer the rest of these questions?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:57 PM
1

Presumed =/= granted
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:53 PM
2

So your argument is that if a woman gets divorced she’s fully within her rights to neglect the father’s rights to see his children? That she shouldn’t lift a finger to actually coparent? It’s all on the guy to schedule, drive, and manage the children during handovers?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:49 PM
1

Yes. That was what was decided in the custody agreement. She refused to meet him halfway with regards to transporting the children so he settled for 4 days in 20 - he makes the transfer twice every ten days.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:10 PM
1

It’s not about exclusivity. It’s about not wasting my time and money taking you out thinking that we’re undergoing courtship when in reality you’re just dating a bunch of guys for kicks.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 05:03 PM
1

What are you talking about he goes and licks them up when it’s his days to have the kids.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:57 PM
1

It’s both of their responsibilities? Because the kids are both of their responsibilities? Hello?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:35 PM
2

Not gonna dox him, but his ex wife claimed in court that driving the kids to his house every week would cause an undue burden for her because she would technically have to cross state lines. They live thirty minutes away from each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:29 PM
2

Yeah I’m sure that’s why my cousin who got divorced with two children only sees them four days out of twenty and never at the holidays, he’s just a deadbeat dad.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:24 PM
4

Facts and reasons like say, there being an “undue burden” to her delivering the child to her ex husband every week, general hostility, or any other number of completely subjective arguments that courts have and will accept.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 04:15 PM
-4

Horseshit. If the mother objects to coparenting the best a man can hope for is one two weekends a month with his kids, no holidays, no birthdays.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:54 PM
-5

That is absolutely not the case, unless you mean visitation which is not adequate to maintain the bond between parent and child.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:49 PM
1

Yeah that’s what I’m arguing for, the right to do that.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:40 PM
10

kind of a hot take but I actually think it’s kind of the opposite. Interdependence is a good thing. If fosters empathy and care, and most people are going to find themselves capable of more when they work together than they would separately. I agree with you that you shouldn’t feel a need to be in a relationship to feel whole, but by the same token if your sense fear that being in a relationship is a threat to your independence then you’re going to have a hard time finding lasting connections lo…
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 03:30 PM
1

Sure, families are different but in the case of the vast majority of divorces, where the main reason for divorce is lack of commitment, then yeah, I think that should be the arrangement. Condolences about your dad if it was the case that he was neglectful/abusive.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:48 PM
41

Have you considered the possibility that some people want to be in a relationship for the joy of the relationship itself and for the promise of family and raising children, rather than just validation?
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:44 PM
1

It’s not cheating because you’re having sex with someone or whatever; it’s cheating because you’re aren’t being honest about the circumstances of you dating, and the other person doesn’t have the option of saying “no thank you, I do not want to date you if you are seeing other people”.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:34 PM
1

It’s not cheating because you’re having sex with someone or whatever; it’s cheating because you’re aren’t being honest about the circumstances of you dating, and the other person doesn’t have the option of saying “no thank you, I do not want to date you if you are seeing other people”.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 02:34 PM
2

It always is what’s best for the child. What’s best for the child is for them to remain healthily attached to both parents, period.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 01:33 PM
1

Which is why shared custody should mean weekly trade-offs and both parents should be legally obligated to live in the same county until the children reach 18 years old.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 01:27 PM
-2

Except that’s almost never what happens because the mother will put barrier after barrier up to prevent you from being involved in the child’s lives. Most divorced men are lucky to see their children every other weekend, and certainly not on holidays or birthdays.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 01:25 PM
-1

Yeah man we should definitely have to pay the majority of the cost for the child that we don’t get to see because our wives decided they just didn’t want a committed relationship anymore.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/01/25 01:21 PM
2

So you’re just out here advocating for people to lie to each other to get dates/sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 07:13 PM
2

Or, again, you could just make it clear from the get go that you’re dating multiple people at once so I can avoid you.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 07:03 PM
2

Yeah it should just be on my plate to avoid cheating women, and not on women to not be dishonest assholes.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 06:52 PM
2

Because your comment is an assertion that if a guy gets cheated on, he should just pick better women, as if he has an internal radar for polyamorous women who pretend to be monogamous.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 06:11 PM
0

The point is that neither group should have to do that. It’s ridiculous that I even have to say “roster dating without being open about it is cheating”.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 05:40 PM
3

That’s what roster dating is. If you’re dating multiple people you are not monogamous.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 05:05 PM
5

Or maybe if you’re polyamorous you should just put that up front on your dating profile in big bold letters. Preferably colored like a poison dart frog.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 05:00 PM
0

No, I’m saying the man has no clue whether a woman is going to treat him like that or not when he’s setting up the date. For God’s sake something like 35 percent of men have no clue when women are flirting with them, you think men are scenthounds for women who are roster dating?
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 04:53 PM
-2

If it’s what happens it’s what happens. You can’t just shocked Pikachu face your way past it and then act outraged when men victim blame women. (To clarify, victim blaming is wrong, obviously)
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 04:50 PM
7

How does that say anything about the man other than that he constantly gets lied to about the other person’s values and expectations? By this logic you should have no problem with guys telling women not to keep choosing the guys that abuse/use them.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/01/25 04:41 PM
1

Literally who cares if you weren’t immediately attracted to your partner the moment you set eyes on them or not.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 10:31 PM
4

Yeah, probably is pretty utopian. But, you know. Shade trees you’ll never sit under and all that.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 03:42 PM
2

If we really want to get into it, the fight against fascism is a constant. It’s like cholera or smallpox or herpes. The world is full of incompetent morons who will band together to try and overthrow the liberal organization of society because they don’t fit in to the social order. I don’t want to get into it though. I genuinely think we need to have that big conversation not just online, we need it in streets and coffee houses and our friend groups. The sexual revolution was a culture wide mome…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 03:13 PM
8

I have no idea what the percentage of men who specifically are oriented in that way is. I’m willing to guess it’s higher than most people believe it is. Probably a conservative estimate would be 15 percent? A more liberal estimate somewhere around 35. Probably not the majority, but a sizable enough group that it mirrors women who also orient that way. I have no evidence of that though, because we never actually have the big “how do we actually want to orient our romantic lives as a society” conv…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 02:52 PM
3

Of course it’s normal when men act like that. Those are shit men. Men who pressure you to have sex aren’t the types of men you should be in relationships with. It’s bad, it’s disrespectful of you and your agency and I get why you’re wary of men like that. At the same time you gotta see how flying a red flag over any guy with a romantic orientation that predisposes him to seek relationships with people he knows and is comfortable with already only befits those men. It actively benefits men who on…
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 02:03 PM
1

Not always, but I admit that does happen. It can be pretty heartbreaking and distressing to learn that not everyone shares that romantic orientation, and I think it’s reasonable for a kid (I’m talking like sixteen here because that’s the age group of people I think this whole scenario happens to) to have that realization and have a bit of a melty over it
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 01:43 PM
21

Not all men believe that if you’re not going to have sex with him on the first date you don’t find him attractive, and some men don’t even want to have sex on a first date anyway. Shocker, the type of man who develops feelings and romantic/sexual attraction for his friends over time is also the type of man who would want to wait a few weeks/months before having sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/01/25 01:26 PM
–

They’re aware of it. It’s just not their problem. I get it, I have a lot of disability trauma and it manifests as people pleasing behavior, but only we are responsible for our emotions, nobody else is. (Edited for atrocious grammar)
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 06:15 PM
–

I mean, yeah. Eliciting sexual desire in women can be hard, especially when they’re all different and have different tastes. And yes, in creates stress that the ability to have a family of your own is dependent on your ability to elicit sexual desire from women. That doesn’t mean women are doing all of this to you. They are also walking through this life trying to find what they need to live their fulfillment.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 06:07 PM
4

Have a conversation with your sexual partner about their likes and dislikes it’s not that hard.
/r/PurplePillDebate11/01/25 05:52 PM
5

I don’t think just straight copping to Andrea Dworkin’s worst allegations about the nature of male sexuality is the play here.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 07:09 PM
–

For what it’s worth I think a lot of men do feel that way about outward appearance, if only because in the long run attractiveness isn’t that important. It might be important in the initial stage but once you’ve been on a couple dates what matters is how they feel about the dynamic you build in the relationship and whether your values and goals align. Most people become more attractive if you know them for longer.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/01/25 09:28 AM
1

The point is would you settle for someone who mirrors your standards of behavior for yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 06:04 PM
–

I don’t think the problem there is that it’s a “top 5%” thing it’s more like it’s not that likely to find all of those in the same person. Most people are religious, a lot of atheists smoke. I wouldn’t lower your standards though, they’re perfectly reasonable.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 06:02 PM
–

The issue isn’t necessarily with people dating others who don’t match their standards it’s with insisting that someone you date has to meet standards you yourself don’t meet. Like a guy who lives at home and doesn’t work and doesn’t take care of normal hygiene or go to church rightly shouldn’t be looking for someone who works out daily, holds a job, goes to church weekly and has an active social life.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:38 PM
–

What kind of standards? Sounds to me like you were running into guys who were frustrated they aren’t on your level.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 05:34 PM
–

True, something like that would be unreasonable; like if you can eat Cheetos all day and still maintain <15% body fat that’s incredible but it’s not cool to expect that of anyone. In terms of like high or low standards though I think it’s still best to have high standards you yourself meet. Lowering standards, as much as people go on about it, is not actually a strong method for finding a good partner.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 04:51 PM
–

The only bad standard is one you don’t hold yourself to.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/01/25 04:19 PM
1

No, it means that I don’t want to have to use sex as the initiator of a romantic relationship but because our social norms treat the sexual act as the initial barrier to all relationship, be it casual, long term, or marriage, I have to.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 09:04 PM
1

Have you read literally anything I have said in this thread?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 08:41 PM
1

For the absolute last time, in bold, so you will actually read it: It’s not about the sex The sex is the leans by which, because of our incredibly warped, horrible, backwards new social norms, I am forced to find a loving relationship. I do not want a relationship for sex, or to do anal, or whatever. I want the relationship for the person, to have someone to grow old with who I enjoy the company of and can share my joys and hopes with.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 07:49 PM
6

A man and a woman worked together to maintain a home and raise me and my sister together. Men and women worked together tirelessly for hundreds of thousands of years to keep the species alive before agriculture. Cooperation is in our genes.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 06:12 PM
1

Right, I agree with the overall solution here. At the end of the day it might end up being a desire/expectation disconnect. Like to me those kind of things are like… the why of the relationship. Companionship and love is what I get out of it, sex is kind of a means to an end as backwards as that may sound. But yeah, I dunno. It’s a weird insecurity, granted, and I know it’s probably not out of spite or something. And it’s probably just fear on my part.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 05:56 PM
1

It’s mostly the first thing you said. That these are things she enjoyed doing with other guys but for some reason or another doesn’t enjoy them with me. I know, it’s a weird scenario and a kind of kooky insecurity but it is there sometimes. I don’t think it’s invalid for a guy who maybe hasn’t been the most successful in dating, or just wasn’t into dating in his twenties for whatever reason, to have the opposite of butterflies in his stomach at the thought that he might not get the chance for th…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 05:19 PM
1

So in this situation, it would probably come down to other areas where we are compatible. I’m Catholic, and hope to have children some day, and I would want my wife to also share my religious views and desire for a family. We could get along in other ways, and I might love her for different reasons. I know this might sound real wonky, but guys can fall in love with a girl for things that have nothing to do with how she treats us generally. It could have to do with other parts of her personality,…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 05:08 PM
1

I know that. The kind of sex you’re having with your partner is going to be different from all your other relationships because people are different. If I’m doing foreplay with one girl she’s going to want me to kiss/feel/whatever different parts of her body in different ways from other girls. The kind of sex and the frequency doesn’t have anything to do with the way I feel about the relationship as a whole. But if I’m married to someone who isn’t really that affectionate outside the bedroom, do…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:53 PM
-2

Maybe don’t do things you don’t like doing for guys you don’t give a shit about and wouldn’t do for your husband? What are you talking about? Why would you act like a good girlfriend for someone you’re having sex with but don’t want to marry if you don’t like doing it?
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:36 PM
1

Yes, but like I said earlier, it probably isn’t about sex. The insecurity the OP is talking about, or at least what I believe he is talking about, is an insecurity that because they are less sexually desirable to their partner than previous partners they had when they were more sexually adventurous, they will also be treated worse in other aspects of the relationship. Men should be okay accepting someone who is less sexually adventurous when they settle down and get married. What they should not…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:27 PM
1

I agree, some men do behave that way, but usually it’s in the opposite direction.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:20 PM
1

Some people will make that sacrifice, yes. I’m a pretty kinky dude but I still make different choices about my sex life based on belief and wanting my sexual and romantic partnerships to be more meaningful than base sexual satisfaction. If I met someone who fulfilled all my other desires for a wife but wasn’t into rope bondage I would marry her anyway and just accept that that particular desire goes unfulfilled. This is something normal adjusted adults do called making compromises.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 04:05 PM
-2

No I think people choose marriage partners for different reasons than they choose long term casual sex partners in the time of their life when they aren’t trying to get married.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:56 PM
-7

Right? But what we’re discussing in the thread is a specific scenario where the woman does provide those things for her past partners but because she’s presumably settling for the husband material guy she’s refusing to treat him the same way she treated the men she previously dated but didn’t want to marry. It’s about a double standard regarding the way women treat different men depending on how she sees his relationship to her.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:40 PM
-9

Yeah… okay? Then the relationship fails and we’re no closer to the end goal that everyone should have of the two people being in a satisfying relationship.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:35 PM
–

He said she’s less passionate and restrictive, not that they’re having sex less. Like, you could accept having sex less with her and still be upset about the rest of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:29 PM
–

Did he say anything about sex? He could mean that the wife in this scenario used to be very physically affectionate, maybe used pet names with her previous boyfriends, good morning/good night texts, etc., and refuses to do so with husband material.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:25 PM
3

Masking and adapting to neurotypical social cues are different skills. Masking is a repression of the genuine self to conceal your disability- stuff like sitting on your hands to avoid stimming, not engaging in echolalia, heavy focus on suppressing time management problems and such in people with ADHD. Like what you just said is “neurotypical people will not have the patience for interacting with them while they are being their authentic selves” which may be true but it is kind of awful.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 03:12 PM
5

Exactly. We’re not going to solve our problems by each group stubbornly sitting in their corner refusing to give ground.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 01:25 PM
3

This is good advice, just going to gently say please don’t enforce masking behavior on people with neurodevelopmental disabilities.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 09:36 AM
11

Good thing neither generalization is really true. Men and women work together to solve problems all the time, which is going to be the actual solution to our current relationship crisis.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 09:24 AM
15

I know you’re probably be sarcastic but just to point out that women did, in fact, participate in enlightenment era movements for civil liberties and rights, and even had roles in fighting for those rights even if they weren’t in the front lines. Unironically inter gender cooperation to achieve a common goal.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/01/25 09:12 AM
3

Well, what do you love about yourself?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 03:38 PM
1

I’ve had the same thing happen to me too, believe me. I learned the hard way that even if you are dedicated to another person that doesn’t mean they are going to be dedicated to you. In terms of advice, this might sound a bit hokey, but Christianity helps. Learning to view how you love others in the same way God loves us can help you avoid that painful stuff you’re talking about.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 03:12 PM
4

Maybe. I personally don’t like the idea of cutting off contact with someone because of that, I find it an unhealthy way of looking at other people. I have a bunch of female friends who don’t want a relationship with me who I was initially attracted to who I now just view as another friend, and vice versa
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:52 PM
7

It isn’t correlated, but the harsh reality is that it is your responsibility as the man to set aside your feelings of attraction if the other person doesn’t want a relationship with you. And that’s what limerence is. The feeling you have towards a person you like and are attracted to but aren’t in a relationship with.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:45 PM
3

What women usually mean by that advice is that you’re supposed to treat finding a life partner like playing a gatcha game where a platonic friend is a C-tier pull, finding someone you are compatible with and you have feelings for is an A-tier pull, and finding your soulmate is a .001% chance SSSSS-tier pull. This is in contrast to finding someone you enjoy spending time with and trying to build a relationship with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:38 PM
9

You should just act as if the feelings are platonic anyway. If you are a woman’s platonic friend, what you are feeling towards her isn’t love, it’s limerence, and women find limerence creepy, not endearing.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 02:26 PM
6

I’ve definitely experienced meeting a girl, not being that attracted to her when we were hanging out, but gotten more attracted to her the more I spend time with her. I chalk it more up to desiring to spend time with someone I enjoy spending time with though, not romantic interest, as I’ve learned that mentally associating that desire with romantic interest is only going to lead to me getting hurt.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 01:22 PM
12

It’s not them being stuck up, it’s them compartmentalizing different parts of their life. They put men into categories and generally that category doesn’t change over time.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/01/25 01:20 PM
4

Yeah and I think that’s an abuse of that right, just like how I think the Westboro Baptist Church harassing military families at their loved ones’ funerals is an abuse of their first amendment rights. The fact that women have a right to terminate a pregnancy does not mean that people have a dejure right to abandon their offspring.
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 03:14 PM
9

There are other reasons to get an abortion than not wanting to be a parent though. Like if you have an entopic pregnancy, or life circumstances change so dramatically that becoming a parent is completely unviable. The right to an abortion extends from a woman’s right to receive life-saving care and because banning it outright would necessitate the infringement of other related rights, like the right to travel and the right to privacy. The right to pregnancy isn’t, or at least shouldn’t, be under…
/r/PurplePillDebate03/01/25 01:35 PM
1

I don’t think that these relationships are necessarily easier to maintain - they may in fact require more active work because you have more to communicate about, and both people have to put aside their egos and commit themselves fully to the family unit they’re building. Especially if your relationship is more tradition focused and doubly especially if you’re both religious, you don’t have the option to just call it quits when things get rough for whatever reason. You actually have to deal with …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 06:46 PM
12

Personally this would be desirable, I don’t pursue casual sex anyway. A lot of men would want this as well, I’m not sure if we outnumber the men who would resist it.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 12:13 PM
2

I mean one actively true thing men say all the time is that women who start shit that force them to intervene put them in danger so we should probably apply that same logic to ourselves.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:41 AM
15

Based and self-preservation pilled
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:35 AM
6

Pay attention to how she talks about past relationships if she’s had them, her attitudes towards sex in general. Make jokes about it only when appropriate. If she has a casual and relaxed attitude about it, is open about herself without you bringing it up, and doesn’t display any behaviors that indicate anxiety around sex you and her probably have a comparable libido.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:24 AM
6

It’s really easy to determine if a woman has high natural libido without even asking her about it if you know what to look for.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:18 AM
5

Hey look, I actually agree with Lilith on this one.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:14 AM
1

There’s a certain philosophy grounded in politics that I think translates to judging people’s character- If a government is going to restrict the freedom of it’s people, that restriction should be done out in the open rather than in the shadow, because then the policy is at least honest and can be challenged. The same goes for people. If a man is upfront about how he acts in a relationship, rather than trying to hide behind a veneer of acceptability and harmlessness, if you don’t want that kind …
/r/PurplePillDebate02/01/25 11:08 AM
–

If it’s good for you to do it’s good for us to do it back.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/24 01:30 PM
–

mmhmm, because women never just, unprovoked and apropos of nothing, ever make cruel and negative public comments on social media about types of men they find repulsive and think no-one should date.
/r/PurplePillDebate30/12/24 09:16 AM
22

Didn’t we just have a discussion the other day about five dates being too soon before you talk about feelings and exclusivity but now three dates is too long before having sex?
/r/PurplePillDebate29/12/24 01:59 PM
6

So, this is nuanced for me. It’s not that I don’t care if a woman works, or what she does for a living. However, her salary and her role in her organization don’t matter to me in the slightest. As an adult man I understand that it is ultimately my responsibility to provide for myself. I also take it onto my shoulders that I should also provide for my family and loved ones, by extension of that previous responsibility. Not in a patriarchal, “the man is the breadwinner” sense, but in a “you are re…
/r/PurplePillDebate28/12/24 06:04 PM
1

It is vital, and I would argue that if physical health is a standard you have for your partner you should have that standard for yourself as well. I’d just like to advocate for people being their partners’ biggest cheerleaders/supporters in that kind of way.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 06:53 PM
4

Lots of things that are your personal responsibility are better and more fun to do with a partner. Household chores, grocery shopping, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 05:00 PM
1

Actually hard agree. If you’re going to have a preference or standard for your partner you should meet it. And if either of you has a problem losing weight having your partner there to encourage you to lose weight can be a bonding experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 04:58 PM
3

I wanna take a different track- love should be unconditional, the relationship itself has conditions. You can continue to love someone who you know you shouldn’t have a relationship with, either because they are abusive or because they have self destructive tendencies, or any other problem that makes the relationship untenable. I think some people still have feelings in their heart for those people, they care and want to see that person happy even if they no longer want to be with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 03:57 PM
2

Most non-Chad type guys have trouble hooking up with women. If that’s you, just relax and look for new people who are more open to a long term relationship. In the meantime, apply whatever standards you would have for a partner to yourself and your attitude. Most men can find someone, they just might not find their absolute ideal.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 03:43 PM
4

All true, personally I’m pretty up front about these kinds of things. I know what I want from a relationship and can identify it pretty early on, some guys aren’t like that. Communication is key here I think.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 12:04 PM
5

To me I guess that depends. Like if I’m on a fifth date with a girl I’m assuming the relationship is to the point where we’re hanging out most nights we’re free at home and have weekly dates planned, but that’s me. I guess it would depend on what your boundaries around the bonding stage of a relationship are.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:55 AM
5

I’m not taking an issue there I’m taking an issue with your statement that a dude expressing feelings before the fifth date is a red flag.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:50 AM
5

If you’re dating seriously and not just hooking up I’m assuming you’re looking for an actual relationship, which is a two way street. But yeah, the clinginess is an issue but that issue usually stems from not knowing where the relationship stands. If you’re running into a bunch of dudes who keep making this mistake it might be time to reevaluate how you carry yourself/communicate how you’re feeling about them,
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:32 AM
5

That’s fair, but y’all gotta give us something to work with. Most guys know after a couple of dates at least if the relationship is something they wanna make work. We don’t wanna play that game while we have you on our couch watching TV.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 11:14 AM
4

Not for nothing but no man is going to want to put in the effort to maintain contact with someone they aren’t even friends with for a month and a half while regelated to the “no feelings zone” while you are also, presumably, dating other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 10:37 AM
5

It takes five seconds to open up whatever app you text with and send them a text to say good morning to someone you’re allegedly trying to court.
/r/PurplePillDebate27/12/24 10:16 AM
1

No I’m pretty sure we’ve plumbed the depths of our disagreement and I lose interest when my interlocutor starts dredging stuff up from the worst parts of “Intercourse”.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:59 PM
1

I’m sure the conversations you and Andrea Dworkin have by candlelight are delightful.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:54 PM
1

Source for all of that?
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 07:26 PM
2

I know that, but to act as though these assaults on men are rare or unheard of is just wrong. The number is not comparable (I’d wager the actual ratio is closer to 65-35 than it is to 90-10, but that’s splitting hairs), but the reason why you shouldn’t hold that attitude about it is because that attitude is why in certain jurisdictions men cannot legally be the victims of rape, even when they’re assaulted by other men.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 03:37 PM
1

That is not true.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 01:55 PM
3

Not discounting sex crimes against women but men are also victims of sex crimes, especially when they’re children. This line of logic always frustrates me because crimes aren’t better or worse because of who the victim is. Sex crimes aren’t evil because they’re done to women - they’re evil because they harm a person’s relationship with their own body.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 12:36 PM
4

Men are also far more likely to be the victims of violent crime.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/12/24 09:08 AM
1

The dialectical relations between men and women and the proletariat and bourgeoisie are completely incomparable. It doesn’t even make sense to try.
/r/PurplePillDebate21/12/24 05:19 PM
4

I’m gonna take the opposite tact you might be expecting annd say actual gooner type who only cares about whether or not he can masturbate to a female character is pretty bad yeah. I’d actually say they’re worse people to talk to than the hardcore feminist type because at least the hardcore feminist type has the ability to talk about other things. I enjoy a good back and forth about the relative merits of a game’s story and design, but I honestly think I have a better chance of doing that with so…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 06:24 PM
5

The methods have changed but the problems remain the same: mismatched priorities and expectations, superficial connections leading to future failure and heartbreak, and problems navigating daily tasks and gender imbalances.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 05:20 PM
7

Your words were “ All women desire is the same freedom to choose a mate they prefer, same as men always enjoyed” The point I’m trying to make is that this right you’re talking about is a new one. The notion of free love is barely sixty years old. The idea of marrying for anything other than love wasn’t a culturally dominant one until the 1800s. Are you right to argue for these rights? Of course. But everyone is in the same boat here. You don’t help your fellow human beings by turning it into an …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 05:00 PM
0

I mean I guess that just comes down to people changing their own choices and boundaries, which would be difficult to have happen on a large scale. Generally I think the most proactive thing we can do to fix the problem is to communicate openly about our relationship goals and needs, because that conversation will lead to people proactively coming up with solutions. We gotta fix the breakdown in communication first.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:48 PM
4

I think the original goalpost was “did men throughout history have the right to pick their wives due to their preference” which you’ve not even spoken on.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:45 PM
7

It’s certainly different but meeting people in your social circles does still happen. I know people who didn’t know each other before they were introduced by a mutual friend, who now have a child together. People have had all kinds of different ways of meeting each other throughout modern history. The basic courting process remains the same though.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:40 PM
5

Come on. The vast majority of people pre Industrial Revolution were literal serfs who couldn’t leave the village they were born in under the pain of death, where they could be conscripted into an army at will, there were no antibiotics. Do you think you would do less physical labor in 1650s Britain as you would do today?
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:35 PM
4

Women were treated horribly in the past, yes, I’m not denying that. You also have to be for real though, and recognize that the past was a brutal time full of a kind of close-up violence we can scarcely imagine in today’s world, especially in wealthy, well developed countries. The only people who were living even decent lives as we would understand them were members of the nobility, and even then all those horrible things you talk about would happen. We live in a time where we are all extremely …
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:29 PM
5

It was more the norm, but people were still engaged in courting one another. Women have always liked being taken out to dinner by a guy they like and men have always enjoyed the company of pleasant women. Also, if you wanted to have sex with someone the norm was to marry them, which is why the average age at marriage was 24 and not 30.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:22 PM
5

Most men through history have not enjoyed the freedom to select a mate they prefer. For the majority of human history where marriage was concerned, marriages were arranged by older family members and held deep social significance to the whole community.
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 04:15 PM
24

Just from personal experience you’re just wrong. My sister and I exist because in 1985 my aunt introduced my mom to my dad because he needed someone to attend a function with. People have been complaining about these same things we complain about now for decades, just watch any stand up comedy routine from the eighties and nineties. The difference between then and now is that it’s easier to arrange and first date so people care less about the early stages of relationships, and there’s been a sig…
/r/PurplePillDebate20/12/24 03:58 PM
20

A lot of these are unreasonable double-standard expectations, but a lot are just generally matters of compatibility for a lot of people, not just men. Most people value a partner who shares their values and most people want someone to lean on when they need someone to take off the emotional weight. Most people value someone that shares their interests. These are normal.
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 10:21 PM
2

A lot of behavior women engage in that people consider pretty normal does fit the definition of sexual harassment, we just don’t think about it that way: -Making “jokes” about coworkers being in a relationship when they aren’t, usually with the intention of embarrassing one or both coworkers -Speculating about coworkers’ sexual orientation, usually in a derogatory and insensitive manner -Making unwanted and nasty comments about the appearance of a coworker’s spouse or partner Stuff like that isn…
/r/PurplePillDebate17/12/24 01:59 PM
13

Literally the only thing you need to understand about this issue is this story ( https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/10/05/us/activist-ryan-carson-fatally-stabbed ) about a man who was stabbed to death defending his girlfriend who went on to fail to identify his assailant in a police lineup.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/12/24 09:39 AM
–

I think the desire to be appreciated by someone else in the way you’re describing is pretty universal regardless of gender. We have the arguments all the time about why men don’t always date women who have high achieving, high earning jobs, that men should appreciate women for that, but like you say everyone has their preferences and things that don’t make a difference to them. For a man who knows they can survive on their own, and will always be required to provide for themselves, having a wife…
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 07:14 PM
–

A lot of people also don’t treat all individuals with dignity and respect, and a lot of the time that comes down to things they can’t control. People can be firm in their preferences without also rejecting people in such a way that suggests no-one will or does appreciate them and should do so. All I’m asking is, don’t be the person who proves wrong the adage “the worst they can say is no.”
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 07:02 PM
–

I’m mostly hung up on the word “appreciate” being used here because I don’t quite know what it means. Appreciate how?
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 06:24 PM
–

I would just say that if men are supposed to appreciate all women for their authentic, self-realized beings then yes, women should show that same courtesy to men. It doesn’t mean everyone has to be attracted to everyone or be everyone’s friend or anything, but it does mean you should have a basic level of respect for others.
/r/PurplePillDebate15/12/24 06:16 PM
8

I’ll bite from a class analysis perspective and acknowledge that yes, a lot of reproductive labor (read: labor necessary for the continued productive labor of workers, ie housecleaning/cooking/schedule making) was left to women in traditional relationships. In today’s world it’s reasonable for women to want their partners to pull their weight in that department and every couple is going to have to negotiate that for themselves. I think we have given ourselves more freedom in that technology has …
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 02:18 PM
2

Mmhmm, divorce is very unfortunate. Everyone deserves to grow up in a home surrounded by people who love them and each other.
/r/PurplePillDebate13/12/24 09:39 AM
2

Heaven forbid that as children we learn that our parents love each other in the same way they love us as children and take that as the model for relationships going forward.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 08:44 AM
2

“Of interest” is usually a matter of opinion. I’m sure I’m interesting to some women because I’ involved in care work, some would interested in my taste in media, all that good stuff. I’m sure other women would be completely disinterested in those same qualities. Same thing goes for women. Some men are very interested in some kinds of women that I would be completely disinterested in dating, and a lot of the women I’ve had a crush on aren’t the conventionally desirable type.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/12/24 08:23 AM
–

You’re acting like women don’t constantly project that same “look better” message to men unsolicited all the time.
/r/PurplePillDebate09/12/24 07:46 PM
2

Yes but inflation would also increase because lower workplace participation = lower production capacity = higher prices.
/r/PurplePillDebate08/12/24 11:02 AM
7

Rollo is not the type of man that I would ever take relationship advice from but he does have the wherewithal to recognize societal patterns and what’s going on at a base level.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 03:03 PM
8

Okay, allow me to explain my own position when it comes to this sub: I think a lot of the strong discontent felt by a lot of people in the dating scene comes down to a breakdown in communication of expectations and desires, and a frankly disturbing aversion to showing care in the beginning stage of a relationship (the “whoever cares more loses” mentality). Personally, I find dating difficult because I require a deeper connection than something surface level to progress towards sex, and I have a …
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 02:25 PM
8

Plenty of guys explain themselves on this subreddit every day, including myself, but women like you continue to insist that we are just lying about our perspectives and personal needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 02:06 PM
12

Day nine-thousand of you failing to understand that men want more from romantic relationships than just sex, or just refusing to acknowledge when men tell you that.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 01:52 PM
5

True but I think that has more to do with the success of his format and reaching to other folks who had gravitated towards him over the years.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 10:07 AM
38

Rollo Tomassi is older than the Dead Sea Scrolls and has been doing red pill stuff since the mid nineties my guy.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 09:40 AM
7

The economy would be severely affected in different ways than you expect. The service economy is dominated by women, as are caregiving jobs. Men would have to pick up the slack in largely lower paying jobs. Also so men would necessarily have to leave higher paying, but less necessary positions, in order to take up posts that are more essential; there are a lot of unemployed young men but not enough to replace every female farm worker, for instance.
/r/PurplePillDebate07/12/24 09:21 AM
1

Eeehhh, I dunno about this one. I kind of get what you’re saying, if we shouldn’t demonize women for choosing not to stay in a relationship that doesn’t work for her anymore we shouldn’t do it for men. At the same time, I’m not sure about your attitude around sexual satisfaction. People change over time and so does the relationship. If it’s an issue where the man wants kids and the woman doesn’t, that’s one thing. But there will be a time in your relationship where you just stop having sex. My m…
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:56 PM
2

Depends? Are we living together? Would she be willing to take on a decent job (not fast food but not a WFH scenario either) if I were able to find her one? Probably. What I’m seeing as the disconnect here is that generally speaking, men find being in a mentor or guidance role more fulfilling than women do, and are probably going to be more satisfied with building someone up than they are with being with someone who has no more growth left to do
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 03:09 PM
2

No, you read into my comment what you wanted out of it. To make my position as clear as possible: Men pursue sexual relationships with women because women erect emotional barriers between themselves and men they aren’t in a sexual relationship with, and these barriers don’t exist between men and their close male friends.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:40 PM
3

I am saying that emotional intimacy, trust, and deep connections with women are gatekept behind the sexual relationship, not that women gatekeep sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:24 PM
2

No but sex is the only way, apparently, to deepen our relationship with you and you also keep that behind a gatekept wall.
/r/PurplePillDebate06/12/24 02:13 PM
1

Mmhmm, I think I understand. I think to relate to what you said about putting people into different zones, I feel I have those boxes but it’s more like… even when I am attracted to someone the first time I meet them they still kind of go into the “not interested” box. Maybe I’m the weird one, I dunno… this whole concept could use a larger discussion.
/r/PurplePillDebate05/12/24 12:20 AM
1

That makes sense but I just get lost how you can have that level of friendship with someone and you say they don’t really know you. I’ve had female friends that weren’t good romantic fits regardless but we still talk deeply about ourselves and who we are.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 10:28 PM
2

Let me back up and ask you a question- do you think it is possible for platonic friends to also love each other? Do you think it’s possible for two heterosexual men to love one another, or do you fully restrict love between non-related adults to sexual relationships?
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 10:20 PM
2

Yeah I totally believe you care about the friendship that much that losing it gets you angry.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 09:42 PM
2

So, if that does happen and you know that they don’t feel the same way, keep those emotions bottled inside until the friendship dies for some other unrelated reason? Pass.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 08:43 PM
1

Why do you assume some kind of perfidy here? Sometimes you can be friends with someone for a long time and not want to date them, something happens where you see them in a new light, or feelings develop over time. This isn’t about tricking someone, I promise.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/12/24 09:06 AM
1

While you’re right that not being in relationships, a lot of what you say is inapplicable to me, some of it resonates. There have been women in my life who I have wanted to see grow and become their best selves, who I root for and who I encourage. There have been women in my life who have shown things to me about themselves that made me want to shelter and protect them with my life. One person who was a platonic friend who I believed I also loved was someone deeply important to me. Obviously thi…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 07:23 PM
1

I strongly disagree with your assertion that you can’t know you love someone without it being “romantically tested” I think what I originally meant was what you think a straightforward ask is. Telling her you have feelings for her and asking her out on a date, not some over the top anime love confessional.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 05:39 PM
0

What in the world do you think I mean when I say the word confess?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 05:25 PM
3

For the love of God, it isn’t about a “window for shallow teenaged angst”, it’s about the opportunity to actually go on dates with someone without the expectation that those dates will lead to sex.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 04:20 PM
7

No but you should extend more than a “fuck you, got mine” attitude about this.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 03:56 PM
3

I understand that love is developed through a relationship, which is why I want to experience that growth without the expectations and pressure of sex, which from my point of view is basically completely off the table in the modern era. How the fuck is it fair that you got to experience this but when other people express a desire for it you shit on them because they never found someone in their teens?
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 03:47 PM
1

So, as always, “just go fuck a random woman who doesn’t care about you and become the type of man women constantly complain about.”
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 03:44 PM
7

Yeah, and you might take that information and be able to come to the realization that the modern dating landscape is incredibly frustrating for them, not because they have a lack of options, but because they find themselves trapped in a situation where they feel they either have to stay single or abandon a deeply held emotional principle.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 03:29 PM
6

First of all, some people didn’t get to date in high school and would still like to have the experience of growing to love someone without the pressure and expectation of sex. You presumably got to have that experience, it is extremely hypocritical and hurtful to judge other people for wanting that. Secondly, some times people meet other people and don’t realize they have romantic feelings for them until they get to know them as a person. I know that personally, I don’t begin to find women attra…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 03:13 PM
1

Sure, and while I can acknowledge that yes, people can be happy living on their own and such, it’s still wild to expect people to be okay with it on a lifetime scale. Telling men who are staring down the barrel of forty years of solo living while barely squeaking by paying rent to be happy about their situation is absolutely delusional.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 02:51 PM
3

I mean sure. I’m just really fed up with this attitude that big emotions are bad, that my love for my partner is somehow a burden to them that they have to deal with. I’m already expected to accept that in all likelihood the person I lose my virginity to will not give a single solitary fuck about me as a person. I’m expected to have no emotion at all if my eventual wife wants to fuck other people. I’m now expected to suppress my emotions until the other person is comfortable receiving them. What…
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 01:54 PM
6

Is it reasonable? Sure. Is it dry, boring, devoid of any emotion, not at all what I want out of a relationship? Also yes.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 01:35 PM
10

Literally the most unromantic shit I have ever heard.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 12:42 PM
20

And yet if a man confesses his romantic feelings for you after being friends with you for three years, he’s trying to use you for sex and is ruining the friendship.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 12:16 PM
1

But if your male friend of three years confessed to you that he has feelings for you he’s ruining your friendship.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 12:15 PM
1

It is not better to say we depend on society. We depend on each other for survival and to meet our needs for community and belonging. “Society” is nothing. It does not occur in nature. It is built by human effort.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 12:03 PM
1

Adults are also fully dependent on the adults around them, we just are able to take care of our own basic care needs.
/r/PurplePillDebate02/12/24 10:06 AM
2

That chart indicates that 7 to 15 percent of single mothers are virgins.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/24 11:40 PM
1

This is not a proper analogy. A man voicing his longing for a relationship and a family is analogous to a baby crying out for it’s mother’s love.
/r/PurplePillDebate01/12/24 11:31 PM
–

Never said anything about the gender of the people involved, first of all. And again. Having to pay to live with another human being you don’t have an intimate emotional relationship with, be that a romantic partner or other family, is a substandard living situation. It is a privilege of people in romantic relationships that they are able to share the cost of living and therefore the burden of that cost is lowered for both individuals. That is along with all the other benefits a relationship bri…
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 12:58 PM
–

Yes and our society is built in such a way that a dual-income household is basically necessary for a decent standard of living, if you yourself are not in the top five percent of earners in this country.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 12:22 PM
–

I don’t think you need to make the case that feminism or women are evil/hateful to publicly make the case that our society is unfairly biased against the unpartnered, a status that is at least to some degree outside of our control.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 12:11 PM
–

I think it’s appropriate for anyone who feels a partnership is out of reach to air their frustration and concern when: 1. For the average not-college educated person in the United States, living independently without a partner (I.e. not living with one’s parents/roommates) is completely out of the question due to cost of living and 2. No matter what popular opinion, news articles, Google, and everything else will tell you, part of people’s judgement of your value as a person does revolve around …
/r/PurplePillDebate24/11/24 11:52 AM
1

I’m suggesting that there may be other reasons besides just the person involved that someone might not like living with other people, and yes, those problems require therapy because they indicate issues other than dating are present.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/24 10:40 AM
1

If your distaste for living with other people is such an issue that you’re avoiding romantic relationships, you need therapy.
/r/PurplePillDebate23/11/24 09:26 AM
1

Cope and seethe.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 05:29 PM
2

I made the point that infants need a safe and loving environment to grow into happy children that are actually able to achieve the academic success you supposedly want for your child. The way you are communicating suggests that your love for your child is contingent on their academic performance, which is why I have concerns.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 05:22 PM
1

I hope that’s a very in-poor-taste joke.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 05:04 PM
1

Well adjusted human beings with happy homes will eventually meet all of those milestones, even if they don’t happen exactly when you would like them to. I have pretty strong concerns for your child if it turns out they have delayed development due to a disability tbh.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 04:55 PM
4

They’re spending time in a warm and safe environment with their parent, building memories of happiness, and learning that they are loved.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 04:45 PM
5

You should concern yourself more with your child’s self esteem and emotional well-being and less on their academic performance at the age of two.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/11/24 04:30 PM
2

I still live at home and have worked since I was twenty. My parents are in their seventies now and I’m the primary income earner for three people. Not everyone who lives at home is a wannabe NEET.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/11/24 08:56 AM
3

The idea that bi men are secretly gay is an extremely widely used biphobic canard and I refuse to believe you are invoking it unintentionally.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:43 PM
2

I’m angry with you because you are implying that the reason I identify as bisexual is because identifying as gay is emasculating. It’s extremely biphobic and homophobic at the same time.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:34 PM
1

And men can call themselves bisexual even if they can’t stand to be in the company of women like you.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:25 PM
7

Is a virgin who is attracted to men and women gay, straight, bisexual, or ace?
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:20 PM
6

Not really.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:14 PM
3

You can be attracted to people and not like them and not want to associate with them.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:13 PM
5

No you don’t.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 02:07 PM
7

This sentiment is literally the core of biphobia against men. That we literally do not exist independent of who we’re fucking. Are you really so self important that the idea that some people might not choose to date women because of reasons other than incompatibility that you will erase their identity because of it.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 01:52 PM
11

That is literally exactly what the comment I replied to said. It would be equally biphobic if you called a bi man who is dating a woman (as rare as that is considering how biphobic straight women are in general) straight.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 01:31 PM
2

This is mostly it. I probably could go out there and find someone who would want a long term sexual relationship, but if they don’t share my pastimes then there’s really no point. If I wanted to hang out with people I can’t talk about the things that are important to me with I would hang out with my parents.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 12:39 PM
13

It’s biphobic to say that someone who is attracted to women is “just gay then” because of who they choose to date.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 12:21 PM
9

This is biphobia.
/r/PurplePillDebate12/11/24 12:13 PM
–

Men and women both need to put their collective egos aside and have a real inter-gender discussion about how we’re going to meet each other’s needs going forward. Women need to know that men aren’t going to hurt them on purpose and have their life desires respected. Men need to feel as if they as individuals have a place in the future world if they’re going to be expected to contribute to it. Neither is going to happen while we continue to finger point and blame each other for our problems.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 02:43 PM
1

Women also do that in America when they have horrible family members. That’s not misandry. There is a largely misandrist bent to a lot of the feminism in SK, but blame that on it coming from Korean 4chan.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 02:15 PM
1

The 4B movement happened in Korea because men were recording their sexual encounters in secret, not just misandry.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 01:57 PM
2

Voting for democrats my entire life has not helped me find women who would want to be with me who I would want to be in a relationship with, ngl.
/r/PurplePillDebate10/11/24 01:51 PM
1

If you don’t reciprocate his feelings, then no, he was in no way a “dear friend” to you.
/r/PurplePillDebate04/11/24 02:14 PM
–

Says the dickhead who thinks I should just marry a random woman who hates me? Fuck off.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 05:22 PM
–

I dunno, are you an asshole?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 05:14 PM
–

Does your wife know you think that about her?
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 05:07 PM
9

Problem is this doesn’t work. The nice guy who waits for a girl who loves him will keep on waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
/r/PurplePillDebate19/10/24 05:03 PM
1

I can see that. To me, I feel like it’s less of a desire to fit in and more of a desire to grow and build the life I want to live for myself. I know how I want to live and share my life with others. Building together.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 06:25 PM
1

Most people who are left leaning tend to argue that it’s a socio-economic issue. Struggling people in developed countries tend to not have the time to go find a partner and have even less time to care for babies.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 05:17 PM
1

Can you define that term? Because having a family is a “social outcome”.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 05:13 PM
2

One of my life goals is to be a parent. Takes two to tango.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 03:14 PM
0

The vast majority of people on the planet are part of the laboring class. Personally I wouldn’t want to date a woman of the office/professional class because we have very little in common in terms of life experience.
/r/PurplePillDebate18/10/24 03:03 PM
1

People can be acquaintances before that. The deep emotional connection is what defines the friendship. Please actually make a friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 05:24 PM
1

Is there something wrong with that? I don’t know a single guy who would refer to someone they don’t have a deep emotional connection to a friend. I’m more likely to refer to them as a buddy, or an acquaintance, coworker, teammate. A friend is someone I want in my life because we share a deep emotional bond.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 04:51 PM
1

That’s not a friend.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 03:55 PM
1

What I’m saying is that if a man asks out a woman who he considers a friend and she says no, she was never actually his friend. She was pretending to be his friend for the benefits of his protective presence in public and the possibility of sharing in his resources.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 03:41 PM
1

It’s not a troll. A friend is someone with whom you have an emotional connection with and want to have as deep a connection as possible with. What you’re thinking of as a “friend” is a man whose existence is convenient for you.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 03:09 PM
1

Yes. Friends who will not date you do not respect you as a human being and you should not be friends with them. Don’t know about the incest thing.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 02:59 PM
1

This isn’t the burn you think it is
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 02:49 PM
0

No, everyone knows the reason they got rejected. Because the other person has no respect for them as a human being and thinks themselves superior.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 01:49 PM
1

No it isn’t. “Best” for men means that were the relationship you care the most about.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 01:36 PM
1

Yeah, he’s your ex, and he was better than the current guy. So he’s right to be insecure.
/r/PurplePillDebate14/10/24 01:35 PM
0

Purity culture was correct, at least for men. Which would you rather have, the current group of men who believe sex is an empty shaking-of-hands kind of social interaction, and who treat women like disposable sex toys, or men who respect sex as an intimate action between two loving adults?
/r/PurplePillDebate07/10/24 01:15 PM
2

Single men basically exist to be exploited for their labor. If you have a job as a single man, literally the only reason you are paid for your labor is so you don’t die and can come in to work tomorrow.
/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates06/10/24 03:13 PM
1

People refer to trans people and black people and women and disabled people as protected classes all the time. Stop being obtuse.
/r/PurplePillDebate28/09/24 05:24 PM
1

Men are only valued for their paycheck.
/r/PurplePillDebate24/09/24 03:53 PM
-2

Men don’t benefit from misogyny.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 06:10 PM
1

No I just don’t respect his opinion because it requires the oppression of people’s rights. I want people to have babies because they want to, not because they’re staring down the barrel of a gun.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 04:40 PM
1

My guy from 1990 to 2004 Kazakhstan lost 20 percent of its population.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:51 PM
1

It still works today. Just as a personal example, a year ago I worked for a private business where I was making about 20 percent more than the state minimum, didn’t have an employer pension or 401k and maybe got a raise of 1-2 percent a year. Today I work for the state on a union contract making 2 dollars more an hour, a guaranteed 4 percent raise a year, a state investment plan, and a 30-year, 80% percent on my highest five years pension.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:38 PM
1

I’m sorry you’re not going to convince me that you live a better life in the Kazakh desert than I do in America.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:34 PM
1

Collective bargaining works. But if you think you can simply out-compete 250 million people go ahead and be my guest and try.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:30 PM
-1

Come and try and make me worship your pedophile merchant warlord and see how much I’m willing to defend my civil rights with force, heretic.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:28 PM
1

No you’re working twice as hard for a quarter of the reward because your grandad fought cops on the picket line and your dad said “fuck that” when the union asked for dues.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:23 PM
0

Seeing as how your glowing endorsement for what kind of country you want to live in requires submission to Islam and repression of women’s civil rights, I’ll pass.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:21 PM
1

Yeah bro it’d be better for men if we just jettisoned all of women’s contributions to the economy into the sun.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:19 PM
1

That doesn’t mean that there’s less economic activity or production. Overall production and distribution is more important to the health of the economy than each individual worker’s wage. A country where everyone is fed and everyone makes 20 percent less in wages is better than a country where you generate less food and everyone spends fifteen percent more of their wages on food.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:14 PM
-2

You have ten people. Five work in the field growing crops, the other five don’t do any formal labor. If the five that don’t do any formal labor instead work in the field and the five that work in the field choose to then go and create tools that lower the labor burden for everyone, yes, the gross domestic product increases geometrically. Having a larger pool of labor is good for everyone. It means more work can be done for the people that live in the country.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 03:06 PM
1

Only forty-four percent of the adult population of the United States is married.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 02:56 PM
-1

It was good for men because doubling the workers in the workforce doubled the GDP per capita. It’s the same reason why immigration doesn’t actually affect wages or job opportunities, it frees up labor to go into other areas of either higher skill or more marginal utility. A worker who no longer has to work on a farm can instead work at a tannery, or an oil refinery, or a factory, etc.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 02:54 PM
2

We don’t do ourselves any favor by not having paid leave. When you actually talk to women who aren’t having children, the number who say they simply don’t want to go through the process, it’s somewhere around 10-15 percent. When you talk to women who DO have children, the studies show that they are having fewer children than they would like. A lot of this is probably up to both economics and culture, but I think a lot of the cultural reasons are tied up in economics. Women don’t want to have to …
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 02:44 PM
3

Here’s the thing about all of this that I would suggest: Peterson is correct that having responsibility and purpose helps us get up in the morning, helps us do our best, makes us feel good about what we’re doing. It’s true that men today have been dealt a hand that is hard to play. It’s also hard for women. Everyone has to work and earn a wage in order to survive, except for the 5-10% of men and women who are fortunate enough to have a single income household. The fact of the matter is that wome…
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 02:21 PM
3

Lots of people (2.5 billion to be exact) strongly correlate their religion with their romantic lives.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 01:37 PM
2

I wouldn’t say that it’s impossible or you have fewer options, but it does certainly make it trickier. Particularly if you have a hard time falling in love, becoming sexually active later in life is more emotionally fraught when the general assumption in the dating world is that everyone is already sexually active.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 12:50 PM
10

Just because you are happy without being part of a family doesn’t mean everyone else can be. It has nothing to do with “needing validation from women”, it has to do with wanting a place and group of people that you are at home with.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 12:29 PM
4

It sucks but yeah. I’m 32, still waiting to find the right person who will love me for myself before becoming sexually active. I’ve accepted that it means the person I lose my virginity to will probably never actually know it, which is heartbreaking, but this is the reality.
/r/PurplePillDebate16/09/24 12:10 PM
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