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6

ExpiredPleaseUpdate/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:27 AM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
1

It all depends on the local law, but most places consider everything earned by any of the spouses during the marriage a common property. Everything you earned during your marriage is common property. Everything she earned during your marriage is common property. It doesn't matter who spent on what, everything that was bought during your marriage is common property. Whether the things that were acquired before the marriage are communal assets depends on the local law. Chat GPT conversations about…
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/25 12:05 PM
1

Amazing. Thanks, that answers my question; she was just lying to create an image she herself didn't believe in.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:53 PM
1

Yeah, but the question is whether she knew it's a lie, or she believed it. People's ability to interpret reality knows no limit.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 02:10 PM
1

It'easy to see why she might want to reverse it.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:33 AM
1

Sure. Don't get married.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:30 AM
3

>My son specifically asked me NOT to press charges against her...bc he didn't want her arrested and be put in jail. And you as an adult of course answered "no" and reported it anyway? Because you know that domestic violence should not be allowed to go unpunished? >But im not gona do that. So basically you rationalize around letting her hit you with impunity. >For the sake of further causing more emotional trauma on my kids Yeah, it should be nice for them to see that she can hit you and get away…
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 09:26 AM
1

Was she just lying? Or did she genuinely believe it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/25 08:50 AM
5

Be happy they choose crying and working hard. They could have chosen to neglect the kids and pick up drinking.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/25 11:17 AM
1

I can't even begin to imagine why would anyone want to go back to a woman that managed to kick them out of their own house. Unless you were actually guilty of whatever was the reason for her to call the police. Which, I assume, you weren't. What do you want to save, an opportunity to get arrested again?
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 12:00 PM
1

Looks like you have already made a choice. Personally, once it's inevitable, I'd part ways as soon as possible. If your assets appreciate while you are still married, it's her assets too. If they depreciate, it's her losses too. Result is pretty much the same as if you were left with the half of the asset, and it went on the same price trajectory. You have grown up kids, almost adults, so the value of them staying in familiar home, I think, is not that great.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/25 08:47 AM
2

It is selfish. Doesn't mean you should not do it, you are a person too. Whether the trade off is worth it, only you can decide. Take into account that if you spend less time with the kids, your contact with them will become weaker, and there is very little you will be able to do about it. One hours doesn't sound like a catastrophe though. You can even bring them to school with some inconvenience. Personally, in a something of a similar situation I am looking to buy a place within 15 minutes from…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:35 PM
1

Got it. So you needed the means to escape as a way to diffuse the situation should it become heated. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:29 PM
1

Was it dangerous to touch her? I don't mean beat her or kick her, just push her out of the way.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 12:12 PM
2

People generally have some values which they are not at a liberty to choose (defined by the society, upbringing and so on). Based on these values, people choose and set their goals. Based on these goals, they develop some strategies. And based on strategies, they act. Contradiction between every two adjustent levels is, generally, what people call "being unreasonable". If she set some goals but those do not match her values and she knows she will be unhappy when she achieves them, she's unreason…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 11:51 AM
3

How old is she? Generally, tell her the truth, your version of it anyway. Be age-appropriately convincing. That said, most of the time whoever has more time with the kid wins.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:55 AM
1

Not at all. I don't have all the data, but it's generally safe to assume that your opponent in any fight is: a) reasonable b) smart c) well-prepared She is fighting you, right? So it only makes sense that she does some moves that harm you or affect your mental state. Do some emotional damage.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:48 AM
1

>I never let her position herself between me and an exit. As someone who's never been through this level of conflict, I'd like to ask: why?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:38 AM
1

Things will get easier when you have nothing more to split, when you have divided your stuff and your kids one way or another, or at least when you will be close to that. Now you are in active conflict. Based on what you wrote, I don't think it's a far stretch to assume you will disagree on who should get what, so don't assume she will put the arms down - she is fighting you and will keep fighting you until one of you is defeated. I'd recommend, if it's possible, to try and establish some form o…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 10:37 AM
5

>Could that backfire? I have no idea how the laws work where you live, but generally speaking, you've knowingly done something illegal. And consider making it known to a servant of the law. Yeah, it could backfire. >Do you want me to also rewrite it to sound like a question for a lawyer or mediator, so it’s professional and >doesn’t admit fault unnecessarily? What's the point of asking an AI to generate a post? Isn't the idea of posting to get some human interaction?
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 09:13 AM
9

I don't understand how can you not split assets. If you are a married couple, you earn everything together, right? Even if a man is a single breadwinned, his wife staying at home, cooking dinner and wiping kids assess contributes to his ability to earn - I'm sure everyone who tried would agree that taking care of even 1 kid significantly reduces the time and energy you can spend on making money. As for Alimony, yes, this might be unfair in some cases. In my home country, there is no alimony, onl…
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 08:52 AM
2

I developed a simple formula for myself. When you know it's not good and you know it will not get better. Then it's time to divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men05/08/25 07:01 AM
1

Let yourself some time to process the news, and as soon as you can start working on making new reality more beneficial for you. Consult a lawyer, try to figure out what you are looking at financially should the divorce become a reality; maybe talk to a therapist to get your mind in order.
/r/Divorce_Men15/07/25 11:35 AM
1

Did you give it some context first? I mean, "why do you have to put yourself through this" sounds generic, it might be about anything from having to endure colonoscopy to having to pass an exam.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:20 PM
1

Yeah, I meant that after you knocked several times and see it's not opening, you are not obligated to keep knocking. You can walk away, come back another day or another month. How old are your kids? The alienated ones.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:18 PM
1

Chat GPT generally tries to answer with what you want to hear. If you'd nudge it in a slighly different direction, asking it to guilt trip a parent, it would do that with equal "grace". That said, of course you are entitled to your own sanity and boundaries. You only owe your kids so much, and if they don't want you in their life (and are old enough to be able to actually make this call), you have every right not to knock on a closed door.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 12:01 PM
1

I feel you, I really do. It's really hard to deal with injustice. And I know what I'm saying - I come from a country where you can get 3 years in jail for a post like yours. But. A child says what he wants to say. An adult says what brings him closer to his goals. Does your statement bring you any closer to any of your goals? Will its results be beneficial to you or the ones you care about? If not, then it's not a statement worth making. Write it down and share it on reddit as you already have, …
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 11:54 AM
3

>I didn’t confront her due to fear of retaliation You know your situation better, of course, but from what I know I'd say it's better to confront her. Abuse thrives in silence and secrecy. Make it known to her, to her parents, to her friends, to whatever child protection services you have. And, of course, confront her. Maybe even threaten her - within legal limits, of course. If there is a bruise, document it - have a photo, show it to a friend, go to a doctor to check for concussion.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 11:44 AM
1

While technically you are right, it's not possible to apply your solution to someone who has already married unless you have a time machine. Also, it's noble to fight injustice, even if you can avoid it personally.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:39 AM
1

I didn't just pack and leave, because I was the owner of the house we lived in. I went to the court, filed for a divorce, then informed her I did that and that she has to start figuring out how to pack up and leave. There was some attempts at emotional abuse, some cheating got uncovered, but as it turned out I'm quite resistant to it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:35 AM
5

I am looking forward to my first lonely nights - they'll start in about a month or two, as soon as the property acquisition is finished. I'll play video games. I'll read books. I'll work on my pet project of a video game. I'll study Dutch. That's the immediate plan (of which even the first 2 entries can keep me going for thousands of hours), but I'm sure something will pop up.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:32 AM
1

>I also am looking for someone who is Catholic and practicing. This seem to immediately point to where you shoud look - a church community. Or any other community that forms around practicing Catholocism. Otherwise you will just be wasting time on possibly nice ladies who don't share your religion. >What can I generally expect in terms of what women are willing to date me? Same as pretty much anyone, you can expect someone who has approximately the same value at the dating market. Approximately,…
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/25 08:29 AM
1

I mean, we'll have to. While ladies can just suffer through, our contruction is such that we don't have an erection if it's someone we don't find attractive. I would disagree though. Nobody should be forced to have sex they don't want to have, marriage or not. I have, of course, no knowledge what promises are given where you live and what's the actual content of the vows, but I suspect "providing sexual gratification to the other party" isn't one of them. Or is it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 02:26 PM
1

I thought you might have. So here's the thing about sex: it's gets really disgusting really quick if you have it with someone you don't want. Would you agree?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 01:57 PM
1

Sounds a bit like you are struggling with something like a temporary depression. Talk to a friend, someone who cares about you. Or a therapist. Your kids still exist, even when they are away. And even if you didn't have kid, you yourself are enough of a reason to fight for you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:50 AM
1

Fair enough, these can be done by anyone. You don't include sex in it, do you?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:36 AM
1

Thank you. The only question I have out of what you propose is about affection. Everything else looks sustainable, but affection, isn't it something that you have to feel before you can offer it?
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:17 AM
1

And what does it mean (to you personally) to stay on someone's side if you don't even like them? How does it look like, what are the actions? I understand that the choice can be made to be supportive, let's say. To cook lunch or to wash dishes. To watch TV together. But love is kind of difficult, next to impossible to simulate.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 11:00 AM
2

Please feel free to switch genders in my hypothetical, you will see it remains just as plausible. Men also might become less attractive and acquire flaws over time, easily. Therapy and counseling might resolve some psychological differences and streamline communication, but that's about it. No amount of couseling will make you attracted to a person you are not attracted to. No amount of counseling will make you love someone you don't. Similarly, no amount of counseling will make a woman to be at…
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 10:15 AM
1

I am sorry, but I have to point out what I see as a logical mistake in your description. I mean, it's probably a fair answer, but your first statement references unconditional love, and second references a condition, a predicate - reciprocity. If his love was unconditional, there is no problem keeping it when certain condition (her love to him) is not met.
/r/Divorce_Men11/07/25 08:17 AM
2

Tell her you will stop paying and, I assume, the bank will seize the house. If it's your debt, you are the decision maker on this.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 01:17 PM
1

I have a reasonably good understanding of the technology, but how it is stored is irrelevant. OP is looking for a legitimate looking way to empty their account, right? And you suggest buying crypto. All I'm saying is crypto is also an asset. If there is suddenly a significant sum gone, OP might be asked by the judge to demonstrate where it went. And if OP would claim it went to crypto asset, he'll be asked to present (and then split in half) this asset.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:52 AM
1

That I don't know, depends on the location, I guess. Where I live, it makes absolutely no difference.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:33 AM
7

What was so great about your life with her? I mean, she obviously wasn't in love with you, based on the fact that she was looking for affection elsewhere, so you didn't have that. What was it that you had and that you now miss?
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:10 AM
1

Generally speaking, that's it. You split your savings, pensions and debt, all the stuff that you own that was acquired during marriage (in some places just all the stuff) and your house. Which technically also falls into "all the stuff you own". If you have kids, you have to decide how you do parenting. If one of you is of lower income, they may be entitled to some sort of spousal support. That's about it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 10:06 AM
3

Be glad that her sudden change of mind happened before you committed. It could have happened a year after. Or 5 years. I wish my both of my ex had a change of heart before we got married, I'd not have spent 10 years on her.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 09:57 AM
2

Casino is probably fine (although if you are fighting for kids, won't sudden gambling damage your chances), but blockchain is still the asset, right? If you bought something, you'll have to present it.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 09:42 AM
3

Looking from outside, I agree it looks ridiculous. Am I correct assuming you were the only one who earned money, and she was staying home? If so, I assume court's logic was that the money you earn were the family's money, and while you are in dispute she should be allowed to spend a part of it on representation. But, of course, even with this logic it has to be fair. If she gets a lawyer and pays for it with family's money, so should you. If there isn't enough, you both get a reduced amount and …
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 09:39 AM
1

Yes. At least in most places I know of. Which allows some unethical people to accumulate huge debt right before divorce so that it is then split in half.
/r/Divorce_Men09/07/25 09:36 AM
6

Is there something to be done legally? I mean, it doesn't sound fair at all, and it wouldn't fly where I live. If she has a multi-million house, whatever the source, she doesn't need a lot of support - can't this argument be made to the court? I am now angry on your behalf. Yes, it definitely isn't fair. If there is nothing to be done within the legal system, maybe you can consider getting out of it. Leaving the country, of course, is quite an experience, but many people done that.
/r/Divorce_Men08/07/25 08:57 AM
1

In a similar situation, my ex and I had 3 calls with a mediator (it's a legal requirement here) - introduction 30 min, creating a draft settlement 1.5 hour, reviewing a final settlement 1.5 hour. Also, around 2000 euro. What are you worried about, besides financials? Sounds like your child custody situation is pretty simple too.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 01:49 PM
2

Aren't those documents recoverable? I mean, theoretically your wallet could have been stolen, to the same effect as being left in her car. Also, why are you paying for the car? Was it mandated by the court? If not, I hope you know it's the first thing you should stop.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 01:46 PM
1

>I want to know Then ask. There is very little reason for her to hide it now that she is divorcing you. Ask, and be prepared that you will not like the answer. >She is the person who I have trusted the most in my life and that she could potentially be capable of deception like this, makes me want to puke. You are aware that people in Nazi Germany were like you and me, right? Not special, not some unique evil breed. Humans are capable of doing really evil things if the situation is right. That sa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 01:20 PM
6

Loneliness is eating you. The event in the past is just a symbol of all the solutions you have tried.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 12:45 PM
3

>She said she’s already reaching out to lawyers and wants to keep this as civil as possible. That's the inconsistency right here. If she wants it to be civil, why did she reach out to lawyers before she reached out to you? That's a sign that she wants to win rather than be civil. She, of course, would prefer you to be civil. >I think I need to sit down and get an immediate understanding of my finances and then cut all my expenses to the bone to handle this. First try to get a picture what you ar…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 11:20 AM
4

I am not a native speaker, of course, but. The phrase "all the time" meansconstantly, continuously, or very frequently. Frequently, repeatedly: this implies something happens often or regularly. For example, "He goes to that store all the time".
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 10:16 AM
9

I think you are making a mistake assuming (or maybe wishfully thinking) that she wants to save the marriage. She seems to be okay with the divorce, probably even pushing ever so slightly towards it. If course, this is just my theory based on what I read. >I am the bad guy no matter what. One of the most rewarding things about the divorce is that you don't have to care about her opinion.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:37 AM
12

Your patience is impressive. First you go through 10 dates with very little pay off, then you seem to be okay with guilt tripping and sudden emotional distance as long as sex is good. Definitely work on marrying her. What can go wrong. We'll wait for you in this sub until you realize she is emotionally unstable.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:20 AM
2

Why do you put looks and money aside? These are at least as important as the rest. People fall for those all the time.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 09:15 AM
2

Are you divorcing? If so, you do not owe her any listening or responding. Your attention is a privilege that you may choose to give, not a right.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 03:21 PM
1

Then what are you feeling guilty for? You have no obligation to carry your wife through her life. You have an obligation to raise your son, but you don't plan to abandon it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 03:18 PM
6

The best thing I found (at least for myself) is to let yourself feel what you feel. You are angry? Don't fight it, admit it. Let yourself be angry, or sad, or whatever emotions her words prompted. Live through them, in them. Look at what makes you angry, build some understanding. Learn to recognize your triggers. If you fight it, telling yourself shouldn't care, then even though you are correct and you should not, it's not enough for you to stop. Embracing your anger and letting it happen will e…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 12:13 PM
2

Black eyes as in hematoma? And it happened more than once? You should report it. Feminism or not, most countries do not allow beating kids.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 11:35 AM
1

>I'm here to listen, to understand Yet you fail to do both, despite self-proclaimed high IQ and EQ. You want to listen and understand? Read what people write instead of posting your own generic and not particularly smart question. People who have a question don't need your invitation to ask it.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 10:16 AM
1

If she doesn't love you and has no commitment to maintaining a family with you, what guilt do you have? You are not abandoning her, because she is neither disabled nor a child. You are parting ways with a healthy adult, as capable of sustaining their adult life as you are. It's possible to abandon your son though, don't do that or the guilt will damage you. >Am I not self-disciplined enough to see our Marriage get better? It's a job for two. You can't do it alone however disciplined and powerful…
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 08:35 AM
2

Also I'd like to add that not every abuse is actionable, depending on the local law, of course. If she attacked you with a knife, that's punishable. If she yelled at you or called you colorful names or, let's say, refused to help when you were sick, it's generally nothing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 08:28 AM
2

Now we are in agreement :) I am now going through a very fair 50/50 custody divorce, and even with that I'm losing seeing my son the other half of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/07/25 08:25 AM
3

Yeah, but how did you get from about a half to full certainty?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 03:31 PM
3

I don't understand how this data supports your statement. You quote says 53% of divorced fathers live separately and those who do spend very little time with their kids. Whereas your statement is "you will lose your child". Am I missing some link?
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:46 PM
5

>a masters in human behavior Is it a real thing? >Does anyone have any good topics and issues they think might be valuable to other men? Just read through the last ten posts, oh master of human behavior. Also, these are common. Loneliness. Uncertainty. Financial struggle. Fighting the fight. Suffering the betrayal and the injustice. Losing time with the children. Recovering and healing. Finding love and reason again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 12:34 PM
2

This output not predicated on father staying at home. Male working his ass off can easily produce the same output. Splitting absolutely everything 50:50 can easily produce the same output.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:51 AM
3

>Unfortunately, I don't know if I have any hard evidence of her abuse. I am not a lawyer, but I think that means you are out of luck. Pretty much anywhere you have to prove such stuff before it's actionable. Otherwise it's "he said, she said". Maybe you can provoke a recorded conversation and make her confess, if it's legal where you live.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:39 AM
1

I know a number of divorced couples (and I expect that'll be the case with me) who successfully manage to co-parent. Maybe it's my living in the Netherlands, but still. It's not set in stone what OP will lose his child.
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:33 AM
3

>But am I harming myself by staying in this relationship? Based on what you wrote, yes. I may miss some avenue for improvement, but based on description you gave therer aren't any. There are two questions you need to ask yourself. First - "is there any chance the marriage will improve?". Second - "am I okay staying in this marriage for the rest of my life?". If there is no foreseeable improvement and you are not okay, then all you need to decide is the idea start date for your divorce. Here, the…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:32 AM
20

I am not very good at support, but I have an advice. Or rather, an observation. You are being played. It's a long game, your opponent is well prepared and dug in. The reason I say this is that she presented this list to you. Did she just assemble it momentarily? Probably not. She has been keeping it, either in her memory or even on paper, she has been adding items to it over the years. Instead of bringing her complaints to you immediately and giving you at least a chance to address them, she cho…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 11:14 AM
7

I had my first divorce in a poor country of Belarus, with annual GDP per capita of around $4-5k at the time. It's not a "billion dollar industry" there, but most of your statements would still be true. Courts and judges do not care about anyone involved, including kids. There are idiot judges and biased judges and all kinds of unfairness. Corruption is present. The side more inclined to fight has a good chance of winning. There are no "big law firms" but there are familiar faces and it matters. …
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 10:04 AM
2

Personally, I'd definitely go Eastern Europe; but that's a different story for me because I am originally from Eastern Europe. The mindset of someone from Poland or Czech Repubublic is a lot closer to mine than American; I imagine it'll be quite some bridge to cross for you. Also, when going to poorer countries (and some Eastern European countries are quite poor as compared to the US), you run a risk that a lady will be attracted to the opportunity you represent rather than to you as a person. B…
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/25 09:03 AM
5

Out of curiosity, why? I am genuinely curious as someone who never used Facebook or Instagram. I am still living with my ex, will buy something in a month if such is the will of the gods, and I didn't bother to change neither my mobile pin nor my passwords... from anything. All of those are known to her. Same as I still know her pin (and because of that I accidentally became aware she has a boyfriend - but that's not a big deal, we are divorced).
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 02:05 PM
1

Do you have to divorce her in Colombia?
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:32 AM
4

Based on what I saw during my multiple business trips, if I had to look for a lady in USA, I'd kill myself. To begin with, at least 3/4 are overweight, which is a stark and somewhat scary contrast. Have you considered looking in other countries? If you are successful, you might have a good chance to convince her to move to you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:31 AM
1

Here's the way I'd consider it (and actually considered it in my age of 46). You basically have a choice of either spending the rest of your life with her or divorcing her. If this choice is made and you know with certainty that you will not grow old together with her, then the only question is "when to start". Divorce is usually immensely damaging and expensive, you are correct expecting all kinds of challenges. That said, in almost every case the best answer to the question "when should I file…
/r/Divorce_Men02/07/25 09:26 AM
3

>Is this one a keeper ? Not enough information. Any single trait would not be enough information. It's possible she has some self-respect, which is a good thing. Also, why are you sending her money to fix something on her vehicle? I'm assuming you are looking for a lady who likes you and not your wallet.
/r/Divorce_Men01/07/25 02:58 PM
7

I think it's important not to replace romanicising goggles with devaluing or even demonizing goggles. I took off the goggles of love and what I see is still a person worthy of respect. A good professional and a hard worker. An honest person with moral compass. A responsible mother. Strong and smart human being. I don't love her anymore, I don't even particularly like her. But she is worthy of my respect. I wasn't wrong in my initial choice, I failed (and she failed) to make it work.
/r/Divorce_Men27/06/25 11:28 AM
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