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FlatZookeepergame268 Archive

View 3 posts and 56 comments by FlatZookeepergame268 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Sorry. I talked to several in UT, thought they were all about the same. I think divorce lawyer’s model is to tell you what you want to hear when either they have no idea or you’re just going to end up where you end up.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:39 PM
7

Society tells us we should strive to be good men. It’s BS. The harder you work the more that is expected. It will never be enough.
/r/Divorce_Men13/04/23 03:34 PM
6

Same. Except I’ll just walk into the ocean one day.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/23 10:09 PM
1

Therapy is a long slow process. You have a lot of shit from others that was stuffed into your head. Therapy is finding that, moving it out, and putting something else positive in its place.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/23 03:45 PM
1

Just trying to take care of myself best I can. Worked hard to get is what we have and take care of the kids, it’s harsh seeing all I thought I was working for go to lawyers, and now it’s just sane myself save the kid. And I get the mental emotional physical cost. 3 months in and I wish I’d just stuck it out for 4 more years till the kids were out when I could just walk away. How’d you end up 4 years in?
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/23 12:02 AM
1

Ok thanks. Our temporary motions hearing is in a week, and it’s been 3 months since I started the process. I don’t mind being in the traditional woman’s role, I was happy doing all that for family and kids. But really nothing seems to have truly gone my way yet, I’m spending tons more than I have, and it sure does feel like STBX is leading the process. Lawyer says she’ll pay alimony but I feel like I need to be realistic based on how things have gone so far. For example, I thought I’d get temp c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 02:38 PM
1

Ok thanks. Our temporary motions hearing is in a week, and it’s been 3 months since I started the process. I don’t mind being in the traditional woman’s role, I was happy doing all that for family and kids. But really nothing seems to have truly gone my way yet, I’m spending tons more than I have, and it sure does feel like STBX is leading the process. Lawyer says she’ll pay alimony but I feel like I need to be realistic based on how things have gone so far. For example, I thought I’d get temp c…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 02:36 PM
1

Yeah. How does this change your advice below? All the lawyer has said about me is that I’ve been an involved dad (FWIW) and that there isn’t supposed to be gender bias but it still exists.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:55 AM
1

In a year the market will bounce back to the tune of 15-20%, that’s a lot on the table. Buying me out now is a great deal for her and leaves me with less pocket cash. I won’t be able to buy in this market so I’m renting in a very tight market. With what I earn a studio or 1BR is possible, a 2BR puts me 30-45 minutes from my kids school…so now I’m looking at every other weekend instead of 50-50. If I’m not seeing her regular then I’m going to have to question why I’m stretching myself financially…
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/23 11:53 AM
2

Yeah. It’s awful.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/23 06:36 PM
2

Not sure if it's standard, court required it in my case. STBX threw out some "abuse" claims, not physical or sexual, more like, he's emotionally dependent on his kids for his happiness because he's a stay at home dad. So now our kid meets with the GAL, she's a teenager, so she tells the GAL what she wants to do, and then the GAL tells our lawyers what we're going to do. So far it's going my STBX's way so she's all for it, and nobody in the process thinks "huh, teenager, prone to short term and i…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 05:53 PM
2

Guardian ad litem. I have a lawyer, STBX has a lawyer, and kid gets one too.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 05:44 PM
2

Lawyer negotiated the mediator and GAL.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 05:33 PM
1

Officially it is a myth. Anecdotally, 7 years is what you get.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 03:17 PM
5

Best I hoped for from marriage counseling was to delay a divorce to the point kid moved out, conflict over child rearing dropped, and we settled. Like my parents did. They still fought and annoyed each other but they settled into something that acknowledged what they’d been through together, and the memories they made, obviously heavily biased toward the few good ones. Now when I look at a picture of my kid when she was young smiling happy I have to acknowledge that my marriage was already over …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 03:15 PM
2

Yup, ex locked me out, decided what I could have access to, and left that in a shed for me to limp back and retrieve. Lawyer said he could file a motion blah blah blah 4-6 weeks and probably $5k.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/23 03:07 AM
1

What’s your income disparity and how many kids? Why did the GAL make 70/30? I think it’s best if you try to get what you can from the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 01:14 PM
5

> we've agreed to no child support or maintenance either way (large income disparity w/ me earning less) Why would you do this?
/r/Divorce_Men15/03/23 05:53 PM
1

Some of your best years with her will be between now and 12 or so.
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 02:34 PM
2

Are you 50-50 now and going to just get some weekends if you do this? How olds your kid?
/r/Divorce_Men13/03/23 04:24 AM
3

No. I believed this. Now going through the worst days of my life against my soulmate.
/r/Divorce_Men06/03/23 02:37 PM
1

Part of the pain is that we had a plan for the family, and i was so committed to it. Now everyday the pain is the loss of losing that future, and facing an uncertain one without being with my kids. I exercise everyday but it doesn’t help, I just roll all this shit around in my head the whole time.
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/23 02:53 PM
1

Can you clarify? If I give 10k in a retirement account, I should ask for how much in cash as equivalent? I think you mean something about how a 401k is tax deferred.
/r/Divorce_Men25/02/23 03:04 PM
2

Talked to the lawyer today. I guess I misunderstood. I think he’s still going for custody but STBX will have visitation…she wants 50-50 but we live too far apart.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:56 AM
3

This is a well worn path. My STBX flew then drove to where I was living, maybe 6-7 hours travel time. When I asked to meet her, lawyers advice to work something out, I suggested a public place with dozens of people. She whimpered “I’m scared, you have guns”. She knows I gave 2 away and the third is a long barreled shotgun that can’t be concealed when ur wearing shorts and there are 100 people around. I just hope the “it’ll look bad later” line is actually true, cause so far it’s been a lot of pa…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/23 02:52 AM
1

It doesn’t feel like it. She was 100% in control yesterday. With a witness, with me off guard and upset, with my kids crying, and she just said oh, sorry, I’ll talk to my lawyer tomorrow.
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/23 03:20 PM
13

When she does reach out to you, it won't be for you. It will be for her. She'll get the affirmation that she needs from knowing she's still in your head and heart. That'll help her get through whatever she's going through that day, and she'll move on. Delete the messages, don't answer the phone.
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/23 04:02 AM
1

Yeah. In the process of trying to "save" our marriage, all I did was argue with my STBX. Now my daughters have years of seeing me as an angry man, just like my STBX sees men. I never wanted that but always thought we were so close to being what we used to be. Fortunately my STBX left us for a few months and I'm getting to show my kids what I am like when I'm not in that situation, and I hope that is what sticks with them. Just be a dad. In an ideal marriage your wife would be the center of your …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 10:10 PM
1

Is this strategic, or just emotional? That is, if custody or something else is in play, does it make sense for her to stall and drag it out? I'm the low earner, currently have custody and status quo. In my mind, every day that I take care of the kids is another day that she has to fight custody. But I also want to put this behind me asap, and would offer her a fair deal today just to get it done.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 03:24 PM
3

STBX filing and me defending a fake restraining order: 4 months living a vacation life we could have had if we weren't getting a divorce. Hell, maybe we'd have worked out some of our problems. Probably not, but better chance than now. 1 year private school for a kid if we divorced amicably A 1/2 semester of in-state tuition What for: I'll never be able to face her family again after they lined up to tell the judge what a shitball I am. She will still have to arrange parent time with me, which I …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/23 03:34 AM
2

True. I was demoted from sperm donor to handyman/house staff, and now that the kids are just about grown up, persona non grata parasite. All that shit about being a good husband and a good father is just shit.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/23 08:24 PM
2

TY. I read that early on and it literally saved me from "he scares me, I don't feel safe." We are zero contact and only talk through lawyers now. She did leave me with the kids and I have a separate apartment, hence my support concerns. Looks like kids will be shipped back and forth to visit her when they have to.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 09:58 PM
2

"I'm an amazing father and I'm told this frequently from others but that's not good enough for her." She knows it. But she has to warp reality to justify treating you the way she does. That's my take anyway. She's told me that I'm great dad, she's lucky to have me, and then, the daily parade of shit from her, not to mention the things that she's said about me in our divorce paperwork. It gets in your head, but I (and maybe you) have remade my identity in the marriage and as her husband, I've fou…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/23 08:08 PM
8

I set up a new gmail account, got a skype account that I could hide in my Microsoft 360 subscription, and used my brother's credit card for initial consultations and the retainer. Make sure you are primary account holder on all your accounts, banks, phones, credit cards. Know where all your assests are and screen shot balances the day you do file. First thing she did when she found out was cancel cards and empty the bank accounts to financially starve me. I have a business account and card, and …
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/23 05:46 PM
1

Fire and more fire...that must be the strategy she's being advised to take. Thanks. Watching some of these videos now.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 06:33 PM
1

I went back through and did this...irrelevant, based on unqualified opinion...so on. thx.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 06:32 PM
1

Oh, I just got this.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:50 PM
1

Sheesh. I’m at the point where all I can say is “hope so”. STBX has everybody coming out saying I’m terrible and raising our kids wrong. Thx.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 04:23 AM
2

Oh no. Everything thru him.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 04:22 AM
1

Yes. After I send responses to him he sends a message saying "these have been filed."
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:41 AM
1

Ok, so it may be that he is being efficient. He does send me notififications of our filings, and of course my STBX shoots her bile back when she gets them. Lawyer has only said, well, somebody is going to be unhappy after the hearing, but that the judge is fair, and that they have a good repoire but she doesn't always rule in their favor. I take that as probably them saying they don't know which way this hearing will go, and they don't want me to get hopeful.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 02:04 AM
2

I emailed him last week asking if I should be doing anything, "nope." Then I got all these declarations and he just asked me to respond. I called him right away...he's in trial all day until the night be for my hearing. I've told him and his co-counsel exactly "you tell me what to do and I will get it done." What I'm asking is if I'm on my own to just respond to these endless filings from STBX, or if my lawyer should be guiding me a bit more?
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 01:59 AM
7

I'm a year or more behind you, and I'm going thru all what you talk about now. Dodged the fake DV but have another motion for restraining order landing on me Tuesday. My soul mate morphed into a disgusting beast. Smeared by everybody, friends, her family that I spent so much time getting to know. Kids caught in the middle. I can't wait to feel something other than the despair and hopelessness that's piled on me for the last 15 years. IDK when it will all end. I watched a friend go through an eas…
/r/Divorce_Men04/02/23 03:00 AM
1

> Don't put the burden of choosing a parent on the child Agree. This kid is independent already but having to choose something like this isn't fair to her. She says she is fine seeing STBX once a month, and I assume the same holds true for me. I worked a week on/week off shift for several years when she was younger, and when I was home I was 100% a dad. With the conflict in the house we don't have a strong family, and I think she's going to do better in a single-parent household. The last 7 mont…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 08:10 PM
1

I hear what you're saying. STBX isn't going to keep daughter out of it--she is already brought her into it and I don't see her letting up (there's much more than just high school that she's promising). So I think you're saying I should push for trial as fast as possible so I can nail down where we'll be come the first day of school. To me that seems like a tall order. We have 7 months to get there, and realistically much less if we have to apply to a high school. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 06:26 PM
1

Yeah, sorry it's confusing. We had a home, daughter (14) and I moved to where the family was going to live just to get settled in while STBX wrapped up some things, but then STBX changed her mind and stayed. STBX stayed in UT and we're a time zone away. Now she wants the kid (and me?) back at the old place for a 50-50 plan, but we've been apart now for 7 months with me being sole caregiver in the new place. STBX is, in my opinion, putting daughter in the middle with promises of a redecorated roo…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 04:35 PM
1

As in me watching out to keep perverts and predators away? Not something I thought about. STBX is, at least in that respect, not messed up like that. I would guess she would look for another wealthy alpha.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 03:57 PM
1

My STBX is a 50 year old beast who just works. Maybe. Maybe there already is somebody. He's going to be there anyway. Do you think that it matters at her age? Can I really do anything about what she sees and hears from him 3 or 4 days of the week? IDK, I've spent a solid 4 good months with her, working and playing together. I'm not sure how this would affect me to see it happen.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 04:30 AM
3

Thinking about it, and just posted similar question. For me, we left our old home for a better life, then STBX decided to go back for her job. I'm much happier where I am, and I was ready to fight for keeping the kid here. STBX has been pushing her to come back tho, and as of last night she says she wants to so she can go to high school next year. For me it's a lose-lose situation, even tho I think it's the better choice, or if I go back (because I really hated where I lived, and dealing with 50…
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/23 02:23 AM
1

Thanks. I worry about the meat grinder and the dark path. When I was a kid I got the former, but it's different now. That scares me, her getting on social media--it's already happened a bit. She was going thru some gender issues that got put in her lap by some older, very anxious girls (one ended up alcohol abuse, the other had a cry for help suicide attempt this summer). We found a note she wrote to herself saying "gay people are so happy, maybe I'm gay." That's sad, but this last winter she go…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 09:53 PM
2

Shit man. Thanks.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:49 PM
1

I think that was the breakthrough: I can probably win 70-30 or 60-40. Then what? Maybe she wants to go back to mom's school, and then STBX and I are back fighting again and doing stupid 50-50 custody handoffs and living someplace I don't want to live. Or I say I can't go back and she can go anywhere but back. Then that resentment kicks in and maybe it never goes away. I think we do have a strong bond. Making her do something is going to bust that. I know it did with me an my parents Maybe I let …
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:41 PM
2

Do you have teens? What do they need from their parents in high school? I guess that's what I'm asking. "What's best." Ask me, ask my STBX, ask my kid, ask a judge. You'll get 4 different answers, and there is going to be a big fight over this question. I guess I'm asking, for a teenager, is it best best for dad to be right there every other weekend and for pickups and dropoffs, even if it's going to be strained and difficult, or is it okay to let her be her own person now knowing that she can a…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:24 PM
1

Yeah. Turning 14. So she will have the big city option or, if I get my way, the beach option. It's scary because she may choose mom, but then maybe I get to be the fun dad. I know my STBX, and we will fight everything if it's 50-50 and I'm living there. That's why we are here. She promises one thing and then does another and leaves me to pick up after her. Do you have teens? What do they need from their parents in high school? I guess that's what I'm asking.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:20 PM
1

Yeah, I'm not asking for 100%. STBX will fight for 50-50 and may or may not get it. That's where we are right now. I'm thinking about putting it all in my daughter's hands. She wants mom, okay, no problem.
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 07:17 PM
1

Nope, she's a disney mom, not really the nurturing type, wants to do the fun stuff but disappears at the first sign of trouble. She moved us away to where we were all going to live, let us get settled in, and then decided she didn't want to join us. Got a big raise and a promotion. That was 7 months ago, and the whole time I was asking "so what are we going to do?" and she was focused on interviewing for the new job. She's visited 4 times for about a week. Lawyer says status quo is the bias of t…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/23 04:31 PM
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