How long will it take?

FlatZookeepergame268 · 2023-02-10T04:02:31+00:00

When she does reach out to you, it won't be for you. It will be for her. She'll get the affirmation that she needs from knowing she's still in your head and heart. That'll help her get through whatever she's going through that day, and she'll move on. Delete the messages, don't answer the phone.

Theedon · 2023-02-10T02:35:37+00:00

It's different for everyone. I am eight years in, have been with 3 other women. I still have dreams I am with my EX. It could be that way for me until the end. What I am not doing is waiting for her to "come around" I had my time with her, now it is time for someone new. It is just the way it is.

AcrobaticStick2432 · 2023-02-10T03:21:03+00:00

I think I'm slowly creeping out of this ridiculous waiting for a message from a woman who in just 6 months after changing jobs to earn almost as I do, met another guy and decided that after 14+ yrs together, somehow decided that he was "better" than me, despite all support I gave her all this time and all of the future plans, some of those already in course or realistically about to get on track. Of course I have my failures and I'm tackling on them, one by one, but I firmly stand my ground when I say none of them justified a so sudden and repticious divorce like mine.

Too tired to keep writing now, but, please, accept my bro hug (っಠ‿ಠ)っ

You're not alone

AirSailer · 2023-02-10T01:35:18+00:00

You have to learn a new habit of not expecting to hear from her. Just like any other habit you need to follow the procedure the break the old habit.

https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/how-to-break-a-bad-habit-202205022736

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2023-02-10T06:37:43+00:00

If a woman files for divorce she has probably been planning it for some time possibly years. Even though it is fresh for you it is not for her. It takes a while for some to realize this but you should be there within 4 to 8 months. That doesn’t stop you from thinking about her but she is only a memory and you no longer know who she is.

If she left you without cause (infidelity, abuse, addiction etc.) then many will conjure up terrible stories about you to justify the divorce to family and friends but mostly for themselves so they don’t feel guilty about divorcing you.

You need to look after yourself and protect yourself. Now do what you what to do. Start working on ways to improve yourself.

This marriage was a chapter in your life. You have now moved on to a new chapter. Embrace it.

rsmiley77 · 2023-02-10T12:55:10+00:00

The ‘nope’ stage is different for everyone but the more you keep busy the faster you’ll get through it.

Things to do: get serious about the hobby you always wanted to do, hit the gym, get out I to nature… if you have kids spend more time with them, reach out to other single friends to see when they may be going to happy hour…

Things NOT to do: get a girlfriend (expensive and you need you time), start drinking or doing any type of ‘drug’, sit at home and mope.

Anytime you think about her it’s a drinking game except that instead of taking a drink you dish out a punishment like hitting the gym hard or running a mile no matter what the outside conditions are. You got this!

AudreyTooTwo · 2023-02-10T13:06:38+00:00

Apologies for being blunt. But the harsh truth is that your warm feelings will go away immediately after your first encounter with her lawyer. After your asshole is enlarged, without lube, your feelings about your ex will change right quick.

CaliDude75 · 2023-02-10T02:46:15+00:00

I had fallen out of love with my ex long before I petitioned. For me it was a matter of finally ripping off the band-aid. Divorced (officially) since September. Now, when I get a call or text from her, my reaction is “What does she want now?” 🙄

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-10T13:03:25+00:00

> How long until that hope fades

The moment you face reality.

Certain-Line-6351 · 2023-02-10T07:53:10+00:00

If you have kids. A long time. you’ll see her constantly.
My dad divorced my mom 30 years ago an I can still see the look in his eyes change when we talk about her.

On the bright side they co parented well an had a great “friendship” after the marriage despite all they went through they would constantly have each other laughing or smiling or smirking. It may not be romantic love but it was still love for one another.

They both re married, but you could always tell they still cared deeply for one another.

You just take the cards you’re dealt an make the best of it.

PS. Get away from your phone. You need to find something to do to occupy your time for a while when grieving.

fishingforthought · 2023-02-10T13:22:53+00:00

She has "Check Out". The faster you can accept this the sooner you can start the healing process. Forget the "HOPE" as fast as you can take a breath. Hope will keep you hanging on and slow the healing process. Move on past her as fast as you can, and please do not let any friendly jester on her part convince you otherwise. Good luck.

Ever-learning271 · 2023-02-10T13:55:16+00:00

It will happen when you are ready for it to happen, when YOU choose to move-on! Sounds simple enough, but oh so difficult to choose…anger motivates you but after anger is gone, that is when YOU heal…Good Luck❤️‍🩹

TastyWheat67 · 2023-02-10T16:30:15+00:00

Most likely, the gloves will come off quickly and that feeling that you describe will just disappear on its own. I won't take long.

platonic_thoughts · 2023-02-10T06:16:20+00:00

why’d you all separate?

more context is needed.

Title	How long will it take?
Author	homesickandbroken
Upvotes	12
Comments	34
Date	February 10, 2023 1:13 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10yc6sf/how_long_will_it_take/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-will-it-take.1151292 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151292

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