~ archived since 2018 ~
~ archived since 2018 ~
| Upvotes | Comment on | Subreddit | Date (UTC) |
|---|---|---|---|
| 70 | This is why we say no to coffee dates. Before finding FDS, I agreed to a coffee date. He was supposed to text me a time to meet but never did. The NEXT DAY he asked me why I didn't wake him upOne of my favorite stories to share. I had an ex who wanted to get together one weekend. We discussed this on a Monday and I agreed for the following weekend. Then I never heard from him. We were dating (before I found FDS) and I always texted him in the mornings, but this event was AFTER I found FDS amid other problems, so I just stopped doing that. Stopped initiating the daily conversation, but he wasn’t blocked or anything. Didn’t hear from this guy until the following Monday (I did something… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/10/20 06:47 PM |
| 1 | What is your timeline to marriage?I mean, they might know which is great and fine, but that doesn’t mean their timeline of 1-2 years of proposal is correct. I think this varies person by person, I just don’t want anyone to think the engagement timeline is all about the man and what he thinks and what he wants. He might know he wants to marry me, but I’m making my own decisions and I might take my time deciding about him. I don’t operate on his timeline - id operate on my own. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/20 12:13 AM |
| 1 | What is your timeline to marriage?This feels far far too quick to me. I know many people would be comfortable with this, but I couldn’t marry someone I’ve known for less than 3 or 4 years. You need to see a person go through some life things to gauge reactions. How do they handle disappointment, death, challenging work times, etc. one year is an easy time frame to continue hiding behind a facade, in my opinion. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/09/20 12:11 AM |
| 95 | Reminder, it's never your fault when a man hurts you.I despise this. And it’s always, “I want to move forward from the past, together, we don’t need to keep bringing up negativity” like you’re the one with the problem who can’t let it go 🙄blech 🤮 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/09/20 07:06 PM |
| 33 | TRUE CRIME DOCS BE LIKE: “My sister Susan had no enemies, sweetest woman in the world, rescued orphaned deer in her spare time. She fought with her cheating husband, Dennis, but he loved her so much. He took out a life insurance policy on her a week before she tragically passed.”There are so many small signs we need to pay attention to. I was busy one night hanging out with my dad and told my ex I couldn’t hang out that night even though we regularly did and I was free the following night instead. I was literally with my DAD at an event. Anyways, he got super upset that I was blowing him off? and decided to drive an hour to my house knowing I was busy, I wasn’t home of course, but he sent me pictures of the outside of my house to prove he was there I guess. Old pickme t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/20 01:21 PM |
| 9 | What would you do if...I thought it was proven physically impossible unless you remove one or two ribs from the rib cage? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/09/20 03:26 AM |
| 50 | If they’re not a yes and yes they’re a HELL NO!If the answer is no to watching your puppy, why in the world would you entertain the idea of a relationship that could possibly result in a human child? I actually used this test in my head with my ex before I read it anywhere. I honestly wouldn’t have trusted him to watch after my doggos, so I wondered why I was genuinely contemplating marrying and having kids with him. I also like the “if I die, do I trust him to be my kids sole parent?” question. Anddd the answer was still no. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/09/20 05:34 PM |
| 36 | Why do I feel like we all have been here. SORRY THIS IS THE LAST ONE I PROMISE! (Not my image: found on fb)“My parents think you’re definitely my type” “Oh, how so?” “Idk, you’re pretty and have long hair” Gee thanks 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/09/20 01:19 AM |
| 9 | Why does it seem like men tend to settle down after their prime years?Also yes. I got the same trope of “wife never pays attention to me or wants to do anything together” as the reason the marriage ended - I later found out through snooping of my own he kept in contact and hung out with and sent gifts to a different ex during his marriage to ex wife. And he never would have told me had I not snooped. He was CLEARLY a massive part of the problem. He also eventually admitted he tried to leave his ex wife about four times over the marriage but always stayed because o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/20 04:00 PM |
| 11 | Why does it seem like men tend to settle down after their prime years?Yes! All facts. This happened to me. I could have been any pretty 20s girl - he liked how I made him feel and how I made him look, he didn’t actually like ME. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/20 03:57 PM |
| 19 | Why does it seem like men tend to settle down after their prime years?Whyyyy is every single married guys sob story that their wife doesn’t want to spend time with them and always puts the kids first. Literally they are ALL the exact SAME story!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/20 03:55 PM |
| 47 | DustMy ex said he only married his first wife because he felt like he was at an age he was supposed to and she was there. I think any reason other than “I loved her and wanted to make a life with her” is a MASSIVE red flag. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/20 03:52 PM |
| 5 | I can’t believe how many women that I’ve seen in my life who have done this because they’re afraid to be alone. One and done people!! Find your happiness though yourself and there will be no other person that you need.This was also me at a time and you are exactly correct above! Emotional attachment too soon is dangerous. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/08/20 12:48 AM |
| 23 | Another gem from FDS insta. I tried to ‘train’ men in previous relationships. Men ALWAYS know. They ALWAYS know. They feign ignorance to see how much they can get away with. Stay away from low effort men, those lazy pigs who don’t bother.Yep. I used to tell my NVM ex I knew he wasn’t stupid and I knew he was smart and knew exactly what he was doing. He freely admitted I’m the only person who had ever held him accountable for his actions (in his whole 37 years of life!) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/08/20 03:47 PM |
| 32 | Friendly reminder ladies: Covid-19 isn’t a reason to contact your ex or accept any messages from them.This happened to me righttt at the beginning back in March. I actually posted about it here. Guy had been the one to ask for no contact, cool I’m happy to oblige. And he’s the one who reached out because “all of this really puts things into perspective” blah blah. They’re all just looking for a sure thing to entertain them during this. Block and delete. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/08/20 05:33 AM |
| 10 | Should I block an ex for the simple fact that hearing from him makes me sad and hinders my self improvement progress?I read somewhere that replying to exes, stalking their social media, etc is a form of self harm. You deserve to take GREAT care of yourself and every time you have an urge, remember that you love yourself enough not to get hurt by looking. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/08/20 07:27 PM |
| 3 | Which Movies Do you Consider a Red Flag if A Man Raves About it and Says it's his Favorite?Roadhouse and every horrible 80s action movie - I’ve sat through way more Jean Claude van dam movies than I ever need to again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/08/20 08:05 PM |
| 4 | Something I got from The FDS Instagram page. How true is this? I’ve just realised why sex was so good with my NVM! because he had starved me for affection otherwise- literally! No hugs or kisses only in the bedroom and that’s exactly why it felt good.Ugh this is so true! I think it’s the hardest to deal with since you’re getting affection but it’s just not quite...there. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/08/20 03:17 PM |
| 2 | Getting sh*t for not wanting to move in with a man...thoughts?This probably goes against the FDS principles, but I would insist on living with a man before marriage and maybe even engagement. That is a me thing, a personal choice though. Just like everyone else here should make their own personal choices too. I do not want to tie myself to someone for the rest of my life without living with them. I personally need the comfort and security of knowing I can live with this person in harmony before I will feel confident and comfortable marrying them. I do NOT … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/20 10:54 PM |
| 5 | Pickmeisha RevelationWelcome!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/20 10:44 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone else encountered the white collar city fuckboy type of LVM?Haha well, I went completely opposite and now work in finance/accounting for a startup. I totally agree PE is basically the next move for a lot of bankers, and I wanted totallyyyy out of the industry. I have a CPA which is odd for starting out in IB but kind of always knew I wanted to work more corporate accounting. I like smaller companies and it still pays well at a higher managerial/executive level. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/08/20 01:53 PM |
| 15 | Has anyone else encountered the white collar city fuckboy type of LVM?I think you got most of it. If you’re attempting to date a guy like this or considering it, my biggest advice would be to understand how long he’s been in this industry and what his future plans are. Tons of the big banks have two year analyst programs right out of college (this is what I did). These are kind of like glorified entry level jobs that give you some experience and a nice name on a resume. Typically aren’t harmful and you can find a wide array of people there (like myself). I would s… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/20 04:45 PM |
| 29 | Has anyone else encountered the white collar city fuckboy type of LVM?Can confirm. Am a girl who worked in investment banking. Went to a rather well known undergrad business school where every guy came from family money and went into Wall Street finance. They are honestly all terrible and I encourage anyone who comes across these types (especially if they’ve been a banker for many years) to be EXTREMELY wary. Most of these guys had girlfriends or wives but I never heard them say a single nice thing about them. I did it for a few years because it really launched my… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/08/20 04:30 PM |
| 26 | Reading this makes me both sad and mad at the same time!!!Yep, was me. Was 24 dating ten years older. After about 1.5 years I started realizing how much of a mistake it was and it took almost another 1.5 to get myself out. You mature a lot in a short time in your 20s. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/08/20 02:25 PM |
| 12 | What does he offer you?Yes! Piggy backing off this comment, being willing to take a back seat in your priority list sometimes if you’re working in a big project, helping out around the house more when you have a business trip coming up, cooking dinner for you if you come home late from the office, etc. making your life easier and not having to stress about the relationship is the best way someone can support me in my goals and career, personally. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/08/20 09:48 PM |
| 44 | Men, on a thread about engagement rings. But women are the gold-diggers, amirite? 🙄Yep! A HVM would have no problem understanding family money is different. I think this goes with prenups too. HVM understand needing to protect yourself, LVM will throw a fit about how all of your assets should be together as a “family”. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/08/20 04:55 PM |
| 30 | What was one of the most infuriating neg comments an ex LVM/NVM said to you?“If you want to have a successful family life with a husband and kids, you’re going to need to learn to put your career second” 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 This was after I had to leave for a brief three day business trip while we were having a fight. Like yes, we’re in the middle of an issue, but I still need to go do my job. This guy genuinely thought I should just skip the trip because he was too upset for me to leave. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/08/20 01:25 AM |
| 15 | “I don’t have a child”My ex lied to me about having another child on the way when we first got together. I had no idea. Claims he didn’t tell me because “he was too afraid to lose me” and “one more kid doesn’t matter and shouldn’t make a difference.” (This was his third) like yea man, a whole other human being that’s going to be in this world for the rest of your life, MATTERS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/08/20 01:31 PM |
| 3 | How do you tell if a guy is boring or if you're just so used to toxicity in relationships that healthy feels boring?Omg same with this ex! He seemed normal but his two bffs and only friends since college were absolute garbage men. No jobs, both cheated on their wives, constant derogatory comments about women; I never understood why ex kept them as friends. I constantly told him he needed better friends. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/08/20 04:00 AM |
| 5 | Here’s to strong women 👑🥂My dad bought my mom a coffee cup with this quote on it out shopping one day - it’s one of my favorites. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/20 07:25 PM |
| 14 | How do you tell if a guy is boring or if you're just so used to toxicity in relationships that healthy feels boring?What a great comment! Saved and thank you for sharing. My therapist explained to me that a volatile relationship with highs and lows like a wavelength tricks you because you can’t achieve those highs WITHOUT the lows in a future relationship. But in reality, an even baseline that’s somewhere below those highs but still on the happy side is much healthier. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/20 04:20 PM |
| 26 | How do you tell if a guy is boring or if you're just so used to toxicity in relationships that healthy feels boring?I once had a guy literally tell me he liked to stay inside his box 😂 I finally convinced him to go ice skating with me one winter (pretty normal family activity where we live in a colder climate, available abundantly in our local town), and he acted like he was way outside of his comfort zone 😂 I should have listened when he literally told me he hated trying new things. He always complained that his best buddy kept trying to get him to try skiing to and he just wanted to do the things he liked a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/08/20 04:17 PM |
| 8 | For sh*ts and giggles, what was his zodiac sign?Omg same! Leo, biggest ego of any guy I’ve ever met yet also the MOST insecure. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/08/20 11:41 PM |
| 7 | A man who openly admits to you that you deserve/deserved better than him is admitting to you that he treated you less than your worth.I fell for this. Now I have learned. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/08/20 11:19 PM |
| 4 | What made you realize you needed FDS?When I realized I couldn’t keep letting my emotionally abusive ex break up with me again and again. I needed a way out of the relationship. FDS was a huge part of that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 31/07/20 02:15 PM |
| 3 | I can’t believe her family said she was the AH. Thoughts? 😣Girl should probably also be a BIT wary that he has a broken engagement and find out what happened. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/07/20 10:24 PM |
| 4 | Don't Forget to Block Scrotes on LinkedInYessss!!! I did this. Mostly because my ex NVM scared me enough to think he might be crazy enough to use LinkedIn to find my current job, current city, etc and I did NOT want them to have that info. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/07/20 10:42 PM |
| 12 | And ~chemistry~ is just the feeling of familiarity. Pls look into trauma bonds if you feel you get addicted to people! Dr. Ramani on youtube has a great video.LOVE Dr Ramani!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/07/20 10:38 PM |
| 15 | Been there, done that. Never again.Yea I did this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/07/20 12:17 AM |
| 19 | DO NOT put up with a porn sick, lying man. Told her he was looking at cars and did not know she had her makeup mirror there - when she asked him to show her he’d quickly flip to a picture of a car. Look closely at the mirror.Hahahaha castaway Kyle. I love that | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/07/20 01:20 AM |
| 7 | The Best Revenge Isn't Revenge: It's SILENCE.Me too! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/07/20 01:19 AM |
| 2 | He’s never going to change for you- The mentality of the LVMBingo! I think that was exactly the case. This guy even told me he only got married because he thought he was at an age where he should and his little brother got married before him, that he never truly loved his wife 🙄 that was supposed to make me feel better? 😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 04:07 PM |
| 13 | Marriage timeline - am I ridiculous ?I think the only time it’s acceptable to date more than five years before getting married is if you start dating when you’re like 18 or something. In that case you don’t want to be married that young anyways! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 12:52 PM |
| 13 | LVM intentionally make their girlfriends jealous because they like the attentionThis is called triangulation. It’s a tactic of narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani has a video on YouTube explaining it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/07/20 12:49 PM |
| 7 | I think we have all dated one of theseLiterally same girl. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/20 07:18 PM |
| 10 | The Power of “So What?”I love it! I also do the worst case scenario - like worst case scenario, I’m not going to be homeless, lost my family, etc, so whatever I’m fretting about with a guy, really isn’t that big of a deal. I’ve also seen a five year method - if the decision you’re making is not going to impact your life five years from now, relax. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/07/20 02:36 AM |
| 38 | Something to send to the “Nice Guy”:My ex used to say he was a nice guy who just wanted to love me. He was a simple guy and just wanted me. He was literal trash and and is the sole relationship I truly felt mentally and emotionally abused in. He’s also the only guy who’s ever proclaimed himself to be a nice guy to me. See the correlation there? This gave me a bad gut feeling the first time I heard him say it for some reason (long before I found FDS). Now I know why. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/20 04:36 PM |
| 5 | Read the handbookCan we add Doctor Ramani to approved YouTube list? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/07/20 03:40 AM |
| 9 | Are there any older women here who are happily single?I’ve come to learn feeling trapped is a hallmark sign of a bad relationship. I’m thinking the right relationship would never feel like that and would allow us to remain the women we are, just with the bonus of a relationship. We shouldn’t have to change for one. I’m happy you’ve gotten out! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/07/20 01:35 PM |
| 6 | snapping back at “cOmmUnIcATE” commentsYep. Don’t be a cool girl. I literally had written myself a post it while I was in a relationship with this guy to remind myself to compliment every day, always be happy, boost his ego, never complain or get angry. It’s so so cringey looking back 😭 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/20 05:10 PM |
| 32 | snapping back at “cOmmUnIcATE” commentsI’m glad you commented this. And you are right. This happened to me. An Ex called me by his ex gf’s name one night and I wanted to be the “cool girl” and let it go. I believe his excuse that his “head injuries” from sports affected his memory. But then I noticed him texting her all the time. One day when I finally snooped his phone, there was a message between the two of them about their sex life. Let my story be a lesson. When there’s smoke, there’s fire. And listen to your instinct - 99% of th… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/07/20 02:00 PM |
| 62 | It does NOT fucking matter WHY he's problematic, that's NOT. YOUR. PROBLEM.This is unbelievably true and I used to make every excuse under the sun. They know exactly what they are doing too - they KNOW they have a problem. I had an ex directly tell me: you didn’t make me this way, it’s just how my head works, someone in my past hurt me deeply, and unfortunately for you since I love you so much, you’ve had to deal with it. (I’m paraphrasing since I don’t want to go read that old email, but you get the point). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/07/20 12:47 PM |
| 22 | The Girl From Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8er Boi” Responds 18 Years LaterI don’t think this is real. The title is under “short imagine monologues” and McSweeny’s is a daily humor site? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/07/20 03:30 PM |
| 3 | Thread on detecting lies and infidelityHahaha apparently. I was like, that was the only piece of evidence with which I would have believed you - nice job dude. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/07/20 01:20 PM |
| 7 | NVM upset because I wouldn’t come over and fuck after the first date.Omg that is hostile | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/07/20 03:04 AM |
| 13 | Thread on detecting lies and infidelityI’ve got two: Calls you by another woman’s name in bed After you snoop through his phone because you had suspicions and find him talking about his sex life with another woman, he tells you it’s just a joke and you didn’t see the rest of the thread. When you ask to see the rest of the thread to confirm his side, he deletes it 🙄🙄🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/07/20 02:41 AM |
| 114 | They want us to fee sorry for them and take them back 😒This annoys the heck out of me. My ex is the one who broke up with me, multiple times, and when I finally stopped taking him back acted all distraught and terrified of really losing me. Wtf did you expect when you break up with someone?! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 08:36 PM |
| 1 | Men marry at the RIGHT time, not the right PERSONThank you for replying! I don’t have the background to really know so I’m glad to hear that confirmed by someone with experience. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 01:42 PM |
| 1 | Men marry at the RIGHT time, not the right PERSONThank you for taking the time to reply - I was curious but don’t have the background to know the actual answer. Doesn’t reapply apply to me anymore but the info is helpful and I’m glad to know my gut was right - thanks! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 01:41 PM |
| 3 | Once you get the narcissist out of your life and out of your time, it frees up the mental space and bandwidth to go on and do amazing things. Doctor Ramani with some Level Up truth today.This is one of the beat videos she’s ever put out in my opinion. It touched me how much this affected her and how important it was to her. She’s just a gem all around. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/07/20 01:40 PM |
| 20 | Men marry at the RIGHT time, not the right PERSONCan I ask you a question? Since you seem to actually be educated on the topic. Is there a link between fathers who already have one child with autism, and the risk that future offspring would also have it? I ask because my NVM ex has three kids, one with diagnosed level 3 autism. He’s a decade older than me, soon to be 40. And when we were engaged and talking about kids, I can’t lie, that had me a little bit worried in the back of my head (along with his general advanced age and the fact that 3 … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/20 11:51 PM |
| 84 | Scrote pretty much ignores a date and then texts oh hey how are you! out of no where. #menactdumbtogetawaywithshitOh girl I feel you! I had an ex pull something similar when he was trying to get back together with me. Asked to hang out that weekend, I agreed, then didn’t hear from him for days. When we were together I was the one who always texted him good morning, and I decided to stop always initiating and let him show some initiative. And he just....didn’t. He ended up texting me the Monday after and had the AUDACITY to tell me he was hurt that I had GHOSTED him when we were supposed to hang out. I didn’… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/20 04:05 PM |
| 42 | He's 'fine' with FDS but misses the point completely. Link in commentsLol I might be dating myself, but for years I couldn’t walk into an Abercrombie without being asked multiple times to be a “model” in their stores. Hardly the same but I’m pretty sure I’m at least not ugly. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/07/20 02:50 PM |
| 8 | Was feeling a little down about breaking up with LVM this morning... then I read r/BreakingMom.... wowCongrats girl! And I felt the same when things finally ended with my ex. I was engaged to him too, and he broke it off. But I was constantly worried about how he’d react when I got older (I was his 20s plaything after he divorced his SAHM wife who is super pretty btw). He constantly needed my attention, I was always sexy and dolled up and ready to go, I cooked for him, I planned our dates. Like what happened when I couldn’t be perfect anymore? He’d probably leave me too like he left her when I c… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/07/20 10:06 PM |
| 14 | My mind is exploding - so many things wrong with the post and comment. LVM leaves his trimmings to be cleaned up. Someone comments that OP could GENTLY ASK if hubby can buy a cleaning appliance so SHE can still do this shit for him.Omfg my ex used to leave this crap and dried toothpaste in the sink. It drove me INSANE. Who comes to someone else’s house, sees their perfectly clean sink, and then leaves their hair and spit visible in it? It annoyed the crap out of me. He couldn’t be bothered to clean up after himself. I wouldn’t have cared if it hadn’t been perfect, but there was not even an attempt! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/20 08:53 PM |
| 11 | Probably my favorite tinder bio from my brief stint on the app....Conversationalist** this bro can’t spell 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/07/20 01:24 PM |
| 28 | It’s the only way.I see no lies here 😂 my ex fiancé really really wanted us to have a baby. I was engaged to the guy so obviously I wanted that in some future capacity. We discussed me stopping my birth control, but I didn’t, because we were fighting a lot and I wasn’t so sure about him anymore and it was a volatile situation. The last thing we needed was a pregnancy. After he found out I was still taking Bc he assumed it was because I was cheating 🙄 no dude, it’s because you’re a crazy person and accusations lik… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/07/20 09:59 PM |
| 5 | An explanation is never an excuse for someone’s toxic behavior towards you. Do NOT gaslight yourself. It is NOT noble to be someone’s martyr. You didn’t make them this way, and you should NEVER excuse their behavior even if you understand the why. Doctor Ramani is an OG Queen 👑Keep watching her videos - she’s a specialist in narcissism and they are so helpful! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/07/20 07:18 PM |
| 19 | An explanation is never an excuse for someone’s toxic behavior towards you. Do NOT gaslight yourself. It is NOT noble to be someone’s martyr. You didn’t make them this way, and you should NEVER excuse their behavior even if you understand the why. Doctor Ramani is an OG Queen 👑She is the sole reason I’ve been able to leave my NVM ex in the past. This video today hit me - understanding why they do what they do is great and all, but it really doesn’t matter. They’re still terrible and treating you terribly. So simple, but we all need to hear it from time to time. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/07/20 06:19 PM |
| 11 | Do not let men smother your voice or your opinions, stay strong FDS sisters 💕This. When breaking up with my ex I was honestly so careful in how the relationship “wound down”. It had to be his decision, I was careful to say the right things, careful to go at his pace, tell him things I didn’t mean, etc. this is because when I had tried to leave before, he started making threats, showing up at my house, a variety of things. I told my therapist I didn’t block him or cut off contact because I honestly wanted to be one step ahead of him. And if he got upset, I was usually abl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 05:28 PM |
| 14 | How do you walk away strong?Same! I’d never heard of narcs prior to this! Unsurprisingly I was a naive 20 year old with limited experience and fell for a guy in his 30s - tale as old as time 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 04:12 PM |
| 47 | How do you walk away strong?This comment is amazing. I don’t think anyone really understands how insidious narc abuse is until you go through it. It was the hardest three years of my life but being strong enough to walk away and move forward has been absolutely amazing. I know I can truly handle anything in life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 01:56 PM |
| 15 | How do you walk away strong?Please look up Doctor Ramani on YouTube and binge watch her videos. She’ll distract you and teach you all about narcissistic abuse. Once I watched her videos I was able to put terms to all of the behavior I was seeing. It was SO enlightening! And please come here if you ever need support. This group has got you and you will not fall back into this guy again! Like the others have said, PM me if ever needed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 01:55 PM |
| 16 | Gaslighting red flagsI love this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 03:34 AM |
| 181 | Do not let men smother your voice or your opinions, stay strong FDS sisters 💕Actually did this once and got called “cold and business like”. I’ll take it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/07/20 03:26 AM |
| 8 | Sleeping 😴 I’ve noticed a key difference between HVM and LVM is that HVM care about your sleep. Anyone else?Haha I finally did nope out of there! Young me thought it was all my fault and I needed to do better to keep him happy. Older me is like nothing is more important than my sleep 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 10:24 PM |
| 44 | Sleeping 😴 I’ve noticed a key difference between HVM and LVM is that HVM care about your sleep. Anyone else?I had an NVM ex who expected me to stay awake while he travelled to keep him company. In this specific example he had a late business dinner and was also a time zone ahead of me. I have a full time job and had to be up at like 6am to get to work the next day. This dude was upset and made me feel guilty because I “abandoned” him for sleep when he wanted to talk to me on his walk home, and I made him look stupid to his colleagues because he told them I’d be available for a chat. Like wtf 🙄 it was … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 02:40 PM |
| 3 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...I know exactly what you mean! Seeing his name on my phone after the initial breakup honestly made my stomach churn. It would even now. Sometimes our bodies are really trying to tell us something. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 03:36 AM |
| 2 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...Yes! It frees up so much mental space and energy. Keep up your hard work too! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 03:00 AM |
| 1 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...It’s hard to learn but soooo necessary | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/06/20 02:59 AM |
| 6 | Let's share the best and worst gifts we have ever received from a man. What discerns a LVM/NVM from a HVM in terms of gift giving?Hahaha I can’t believe this is a trend. I was honestly like, did you just get that on your way here? 😂😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/20 09:00 PM |
| 15 | Let's share the best and worst gifts we have ever received from a man. What discerns a LVM/NVM from a HVM in terms of gift giving?Oh this is fun! Worst: Christmas after we had broken up (NVM ex fiancé) but were attempting to get back together. I got him a signed original vinyl album of his favorite band (from 1972 so it wasn’t easy to find). He got me a candle and a blank journal, neither of which were my style AT ALL 😂 this was after we had been engaged and he broke things off and wanted to get back together - THAT is what he got me. I’m still not unhappy I got him his gift because it was so cool and I knew he’d love it. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/20 08:22 PM |
| 6 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...Right?! He didn’t even tell me on his own - I found ex wife’s baby registry and sent him a screenshot so he was forced to come clean. He told me he didn’t tell me because he loved me so much and was so afraid to lose me. But I felt like my autonomy and decision making was taken away from me - I didn’t know she was pregnant at the beginning of our relationship and if I had, I NEVER would have gotten involved. But since I didn’t know, I let myself fall for him, get attached, and that made it harde… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/20 05:47 PM |
| 15 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...I hope so! Honestly it helped me. When I would read others’ stories on here I saw so many similarities. I thought this guy was special and it helped me see he’s just like other terrible guys. I also saw how other women’s stories ended up, and it cemented that these behaviors don’t change and id just be wasting time holding out hope. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/20 04:04 PM |
| 18 | A year ago today, I was supposed to be marrying my NVM ex fiancé...Thank you thank you 😊 it means a lot that even you all can see that! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/06/20 03:30 PM |
| 26 | JEALOUSY: The thread. Post your examples so we can get a better look at the different ways it manifestsI really don’t get why so many people think a woman can’t have both a family and a career - I think it’s more than possible with a truly supportive HVM | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/06/20 04:19 AM |
| 75 | JEALOUSY: The thread. Post your examples so we can get a better look at the different ways it manifestsAfter returning from a business trip this NVM ex didn’t want me to go on because we were fighting (seriously, he wanted me to stay home and fix things with him - I would have gotten fired if I didn’t go), he literally said to me: “I think you need to learn to how to prioritize your husband and kids if you want to have a successful family life, over your career.” If words ever felt like a slap, that was it. I remember exactly what the weather was, what he was wearing, and the car I saw drive by o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/06/20 01:49 AM |
| 5 | Man wants to "nuke" marriage so he can fuck younger women. Shocked when people call him out.This began before I was 25 (I was 23 or 24 and he was senior to me at work, also ten years older than me) and by the time it ended, I was 27. I quite literally GREW UP and started seeing the situation for what it was. And yes! He requested NC from me when I wouldn’t immediately marry him after we tried reconciling after one of the many many times he broke up with me. I had finally found FDS and called that bluff. I wasn’t comfortable being rushed and said okay, I’m not going to commit like that,… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/06/20 12:01 AM |
| 8 | Man wants to "nuke" marriage so he can fuck younger women. Shocked when people call him out.Oh I completely agree and see that now. Early 20s me thought it was great, but when I started thinking it through, it was obvious if he could do that to her he could absolutely do it to me. And absolutely - he travelled constantly and she took care of all those kids and one who was special needs. I don’t know her but I’ve heard good things from other people. Unsurprisingly, he claims she’s crazy, “gross”, only married him for his money 🙄, and also tricked him into all those kids 😂 I doubt any of… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/06/20 12:00 AM |
| 38 | Man wants to "nuke" marriage so he can fuck younger women. Shocked when people call him out.So I was the 20 year old in this story. Man left his wife and kids and got with me. But SURPRISE he left me too. He’s nearly 40 with three children, and while he is a CEO of a small company ($200k/yr or so), he’s paying child support and alimony so ex wife doesn’t have to work, so he’s not a millionaire by any means, and she took half in the divorce already. Idk how he possibly thinks he’s going to do better. I was an idiot for being with him in the first place, every person I know begged me to … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/06/20 03:21 PM |
| 10 | When a woman in a relationship with a man finally snaps...Haha not anymore! I often felt I was! And the guy was ten years older than me! So much for older guys being mature, they’re more emotionally stunted. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/06/20 01:04 PM |
| 41 | When a woman in a relationship with a man finally snaps...Omg. Not to the same extent as you, but my ex told me his therapist suggested to him that I should learn how to speak to him more gently when he did something that upset or betrayed me because ex couldn’t handle me confronting him directly. I had to learn to nicely convey that I was upset so he didn’t get scared I’d leave him. He told me this and I was literally like WTF is wrong with you 😂😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/06/20 04:30 AM |
| 8 | Get professional photos done for YOU to memorialize YOUR beauty - don’t wait for a special event or milestone to happen with someone else!Honestly I wasn’t worried but I’m also pretty comfortable with things like being in public in a swimsuit, etc. I definitely think having a female photographer is key - I wasn’t worried if there was an accidental slip of a nip 😂 we had a pretty good rapport so it was very comfortable. And you can absolutely do boudoir however you’re comfortable. She told me some of her clients do more fun shoots in tshirts and tank tops, like sleepwear, rather than true lingerie if they prefer. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/06/20 12:07 AM |
| 5 | Get professional photos done for YOU to memorialize YOUR beauty - don’t wait for a special event or milestone to happen with someone else!That’s a great way to reward yourself! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 11:03 PM |
| 8 | Get professional photos done for YOU to memorialize YOUR beauty - don’t wait for a special event or milestone to happen with someone else!Yes! Why wait for someone else to celebrate you? You can do it yourself! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 08:13 PM |
| 7 | Get professional photos done for YOU to memorialize YOUR beauty - don’t wait for a special event or milestone to happen with someone else!I haven’t considered it! Wouldn’t be opposed to it but I don’t think I’m THAT good haha. I’m also white as a ghost 😂😂😂 but I know a good spray tan can do a lot! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 08:08 PM |
| 20 | Get professional photos done for YOU to memorialize YOUR beauty - don’t wait for a special event or milestone to happen with someone else!Yay!!! I’m excited for you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 07:34 PM |
| 24 | Let’s talk about waiting for a proposal: aka don’t make the mistakes I didI learned the hard way that a proposal to get someone back usuallyyy doesn’t work out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/06/20 04:12 PM |
| 38 | For those of us who were in abusive relationships:There’s no pride in staying in a situation that’s slowly killing you. It’s not a badge of honor. You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. It took a long time but I finally learned this lesson. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/06/20 01:57 AM |
| 8 | “Just because someone wants to marry you, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.” Dr. Ramani dropping some TRUTH about the need to vet vet vet and stay in control of your own choices.Her videos are amazing! You can comment or send her team a message for video recommendations I think. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/06/20 03:48 AM |
| 17 | older man LVM story. warning about age gap creeps.Girl I am so happy for you and so happy you didn’t go through with that wedding. I too dated someone who was ten years my senior and he used to feed me the EXACT same lines, that he was nearing 40 and was tired and just wanted to settle down (mind you, this man had kids and an ex wife). I also thought it was so sweet he wanted to commit and felt blinded by love EXACTLY how you describe. But I had some gut feelings that were off too. When I first googled his ex wife’s name at the beginning of our… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/20 01:21 PM |
| 15 | older man LVM story. warning about age gap creeps.Girl I am 27 now, and I recently (less than a year ago) dated someone who was ten years older. NEVER AGAIN. Your instincts he was creepy were right. Mine started when I was 24 and I look back on how young and naive I was and I’m appalled a man in his 30s could do that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/06/20 01:15 PM |
| 41 | I would NOPE right out of this one. Free babysitter, cook, and she’s STILL not stroking his ego enough? I’ve been with a guy like this and you can NEVER make them happy. The need for validation is unattainable.Yes. Textbook mental conditioning. It’s so easy to spot after going through it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/06/20 04:11 AM |
| 61 | So glad someone said itProud of you for getting out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 09:08 PM |
| 67 | Dear women, please read this post. And then please: make the decision for yourself to never stay with a man who expects you to be his mother and servant.My ex once asked me to clip his toenails. He told me his mom usually did it. I legitimately couldn’t tell if he was joking because I very seriously asked him if he was serious and he said he was, while kind of laughing. He’s almost 40. I don’t think I’ve ever been more horrified in my life 🤮 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 06:45 PM |
| 10 | Downvoted for pointing out this guy didn’t bother to disclose a child to his GF until four months in - even as a “sperm donor”, he took an active role in her life, and just didn’t bother to tell GF until they’d been dating for a while. Vet vet vet ladies. And everyone’s calling this guy a hero 🙄Well, I think even though he’s not legally or financially responsible for her, he’s still her biological father. Some women might feel some type of way about that, and they deserve to know to make their own choice about that, rather than being led on. In the comments, he went into a little more detail, and while he does call her his “niece”, he also spend every other weekend with her and her moms family. The girl is aware he is her father and it’s openly talked about. The detail he gave was way … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 06:36 PM |
| 3 | Downvoted for pointing out this guy didn’t bother to disclose a child to his GF until four months in - even as a “sperm donor”, he took an active role in her life, and just didn’t bother to tell GF until they’d been dating for a while. Vet vet vet ladies. And everyone’s calling this guy a hero 🙄That’s a really good strategy, I never thought of that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 06:33 PM |
| 12 | I put my phone awayWe all have setbacks (I’ve had more than a few!) but what’s important is that you keep recognizing the need for change and resolving to do better in the future. You’ll get to where you want to be with time. You got this! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 03:01 PM |
| 54 | Downvoted for pointing out this guy didn’t bother to disclose a child to his GF until four months in - even as a “sperm donor”, he took an active role in her life, and just didn’t bother to tell GF until they’d been dating for a while. Vet vet vet ladies. And everyone’s calling this guy a hero 🙄Right?! This seems like basic info like what you do for work or where you grew up. It seems like he wants to have his cake and eat it too - play an active role in the girls life and be a part of her family with the two moms, but doesn’t want the responsibility of disclosing to partners or making it a “big deal”. He can’t tamper down his relationship with the girl because he’s her dad, but also says he’s not her dad and really more like an uncle so GF should just be fine with it 🙄 which one is it… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/06/20 02:11 PM |
| 14 | Growing up, I heard a million reasons given why a woman should stay with a cheater, but never one reason she should leave. I'm wondering if you think most bad dating advice given is a deflection, merely well-intentioned, or just taught over time? Let me know below.Reading these comments make me so happy my mother and friends are the ones who pushed me to stop accepting poor treatment from guys. I think that every woman has a right to make her own decision, stay, leave, take one path in life or another. And I’ll never push my own agenda on someone else. But I DO want to make sure every woman at least hears the information and is educated and informed about other ways, other lifestyles, other options. Meaning, even if a woman does want to settle down and ha… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/20 03:02 PM |
| 14 | Signs FDS is deprogramming the pickmeisha in you (I just had this happen and laughed.)I’ve always used NVM as negative value man and ZVM as zero value man. I think there was a post on here a while back with all the acronyms explained, I’ll try and find it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/20 02:58 PM |
| 41 | Never ever ever beg someone to stay. This concept has been romanticized in the media, but it's toxic to your soul and mind. You teach other people how to treat you, so treat yourself with love, respect, and dignity.This is my favorite principle of FDS that I learned the hard way. I let my ex break up with me more than a dozen times and keep coming back. Then I started learning about FDS. The last time he pulled that, and asked me for no contact to boot, I gave it to him. I was very clear that if this was his final decision I would be taking it seriously and be out of his life forever, and he still said it was, so I followed through. Dude emailed me two months later fully surprised that I didn’t reach out t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/06/20 02:54 PM |
| 7 | Someone please tell me to block this LV piece of trash... apologises for not making enough effort 2 weeks ago, already back to pushing me away when I'm trying to make plansI agree with the others. You need to permanently move on from this guy. You deserve someone who can’t wait to spend time with you. And you should be excited to spend time with yourself! Love yourself, because YOU are better than this loser. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/06/20 03:32 PM |
| 21 | Delusional Scrote has a meltdown when his former FWBs publicly tell him he’s garbage at sex 😆Yep! Or “I’m a nice guy” - my personal fave when they are in fact not nice at all. No need to say it out loud if it’s true! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/06/20 12:43 PM |
| 23 | He’s never going to change for you- The mentality of the LVMOh 100% agree - and the patterns you laid out are EXACTLY what happened in my relationship. Rich or poor, in shape or fat, the LVM all operate with the same MO. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/20 03:28 PM |
| 69 | He’s never going to change for you- The mentality of the LVMYes! Thank you for pointing this out! I thought this as I was reading - my ex wasn’t lazy, he had a great job and made a lot of money and kept fit. Things that don’t jive with our typical portrayal. BUT he had horrible friends, treated me terribly, cheated on his ex wife, lied to me that she was pregnant when we got together, was estranged from his brother, called the police on his mom one time, left every job he had after two years or so, etc etc. and, was an emotional mess. At least he openly … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/20 02:56 PM |
| 23 | Me vs MeUgh I felt this. The mental struggle and self doubt is real. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/20 01:28 PM |
| 28 | Why are men so willing to let a great woman go and not make any effort? I can’t wrap my head around it.This is so true. I have so many guys tell me I’m intimidating for the reasons you say above - intelligent, beautiful, funny. Somehow none of my friends find me intimidating though 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/06/20 01:21 PM |
| 9 | There is more than one type of abusive man.Yikes! I think you did the right thing. That doesn’t sound healthy for the long term, even though it can be hard to let go of those emotions | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 03:44 PM |
| 42 | There is more than one type of abusive man.Yes! Thank you for this post. It’s so true. I used to think it was cute when an ex wanted to spend all of our time together, and when we were together, completely focused on each other - no phones, books, zero distractions. Told me how much he loved me more than anyone he’d ever been with before, I was the only person in his life who truly cared about him, etc. After he’d leave after a weekend, I was SO exhausted being “on” all the time and not having ten minutes to freaking fold laundry or some… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:58 PM |
| 5 | If you have the time to listen to Taylor Swift's "The Man". This girl got it right. Don't get tired to hustle for yourself! Even if we have to fight tooth and nail for recognition, we do it sis!I absolutely love this song! It motivates me to work that much harder 💪🏻 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:52 PM |
| 33 | I can just tell this was written by an incel.I’m 27 now and I cannot believe how naive I was just a few years ago. Even five years in your 20s feels like a lifetime! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:50 PM |
| 5 | Been struggling the last two weeks thinking about checking my ex’s social media after successfully holding NC - help distract!Yesss. I know. I know no matter what I see on there, or what he shows to the world, I unfortunately know who he really is on the inside. Great point. Thank youuu. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:36 AM |
| 2 | Been struggling the last two weeks thinking about checking my ex’s social media after successfully holding NC - help distract!Yes yes yes! I find a lot of Halsey’s songs resonate with me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:05 AM |
| 2 | Reactive Abuse - Why you should know about it (LONG personal story of abusive relationship within)Thank you SO much for posting this. I was so happy to learn about this after my last relationship. It never became physical, but was certainly emotionally abusive. I endured this guy repeatedly breaking up with me for a good 6 month time period. Think at least every week running hot and cold and constant breakups and makeups. It was unbelievably traumatizing. When we were trying to work out our issues, I had previously downloaded a random app and was just scrolling through, not initiating ANY co… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/06/20 02:04 AM |
| 4 | Been struggling the last two weeks thinking about checking my ex’s social media after successfully holding NC - help distract!Yes. That’s exactly how I want to feel. I lost some dignity and self respect in the relationship so I’m desperately holding onto it now. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/20 11:24 PM |
| 5 | Been struggling the last two weeks thinking about checking my ex’s social media after successfully holding NC - help distract!Thank you for this! I’d never heard of her before, definitely doing some reading! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/20 08:51 PM |
| 4 | When ever a guy age 30+ says “Ive never been in love” it is a huge red flag (for me). Usually he has commitment issues or has created a fantasy relationship in his mind that reality will never match up to. NEXTMy ex told me he had never truly loved anyone before and that he’d never felt the way he did with me, he was the happiest he’s ever been, blah blah. Old Pickme thought I was really just so amazing and definitely didn’t want to disappoint him. HOWEVER he was telling me this after he’d already been married for ten years, divorced and had 3 kids!!! Why did you ever get married if you didn’t love the person?! Let alone procreate multiple times?! Now I know how glaring of a red flag that was. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/06/20 07:31 PM |
| 39 | Forgot my makeup bag at my boyfriend’s place and I get this response. We’ve been dating for 4 months. Definitely ended things with him. *shrug*I did this for an ex once, cleared out one of the closets in my house and gave him the second sink in my bathroom. He was spending like 4 nights a week at my house and I wanted him to be comfortable and have a place for his things to avoid so much back and forth! I literally could not get this guy to leave his stuff at my place. It was so weird and really disheartening to be trying so hard for someone else. I’m glad this girl is leaving this guy now. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/06/20 05:41 PM |
| 16 | Men who can’t plan thingsThis used to bother me in the back of my mind with an ex. I had to come up with the plan every time we hung out. Otherwise we’d just go to a bar and drink. Even at the end when we were trying to reconcile after a breakup, I planned one activity for a day that we were supposed to spend together, and then he planned absolutely nothing. This was after I found FDS, so I was highly irritated that he couldn’t be bothered to think of something to do in between said activity and going to dinner, when HE… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/06/20 04:16 AM |
| 9 | Early signs of narcissism.Yes! I couldn’t understand why my ex was STILL talking to an ex gf from 12 years ago! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 05:03 AM |
| 6 | Early signs of narcissism.Calls their ex something rude - love this. My narc ex fiancé and his two unemployed loser friends all had gross nicknames for each of their ex wives 🤮 red flag city. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 04:59 AM |
| 10 | Early signs of narcissism.This one is really subtle. They make you feel guilty for things that are normal/healthy, and then you end up consoling them. They always play the victim, and “blame” their behavior on just loving you so much. Example: you go to an after work soccer game or volleyball game, something completely chill with friends. And they freak out that you’re with other dudes, as if you should just be home even though they aren’t available to hang out. You defend yourself for something you didn’t do wrong, and … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/06/20 04:51 AM |
| 10 | I would die before I text firstDefinitely don’t feel bad. Not being the one to reach out is hardly you dumping someone - it’s a responsibility that should be shared equally between both parties at the least. At least we saw who they are. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 09:22 PM |
| 23 | I would die before I text firstRight?!? The phone works both ways! Why is it only my responsibility to check in and initiate a convo? Like he couldn’t take two minutes to ask how my day was or anything at all? And then it’s MY fault?!? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 09:21 PM |
| 32 | I would die before I text firstRight?!? I was like this makes no logical sense 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 07:53 PM |
| 114 | I would die before I text firstI wish I stuck to this principle sooner. After finding FDS, at the end of a super bad relationship where I used to be the first to say good morning every single day and was the initiator from the start, I did a little test to see what would happen. After ending the convo and going to bed one night, I simply didn’t text the guy first the next day. I wanted to see if he’d reach out. I’d have answered all calls texts etc, he wasn’t blocked or anything. I didn’t hear from this guy for a WEEK and we … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 07:30 PM |
| 7 | My uncle, who's almost 50 and still lives with his mother, keeps sending me these *funny* memes.Girl same! Exactly what my ex said about his ex wife too! With TWO of their kids! I’m like once okay, but twice, he must have been dumb or just had really poor critical thinking skills. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 04:36 PM |
| 3 | June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Not visible to the eye, this is one of the most damaging and insidious forms of emotional and mental abuse. PLEASE educate yourself and stay safe ladies!Remember that you deserve better too :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 03:47 AM |
| 4 | June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Not visible to the eye, this is one of the most damaging and insidious forms of emotional and mental abuse. PLEASE educate yourself and stay safe ladies!I totally understand. It’s all about how you make them feel or what you can do for them. My Nex could really only come up with the fact that I was young and pretty - never mind the fact I was educated with a thriving career and did volunteer work for children. Just...I’m pretty. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 03:46 AM |
| 3 | If it's emotionally hard to stay away from a LVM, post here. If you need encouragement, post here. If you want to stay on track but its been tough this week, post here. I will give you ENCOURAGEMENT, AFFIRMATIONS, and SUPPORT to other Queens that need to get through this shitty week. Don't text him.Thank you. I really really needed to hear that today. A couple years grown up from 24, I really wish I had spoken up at the time. I was barely out of college at the time it began, and now I realize how inappropriate it was. At the time I thought I was soooo mature 🙄🙄🙄 no young woman should fall for that. Thankfully I’ve made serious strides in my own career since then, so I’m really working on moving forward and leveling up. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 02:38 AM |
| 57 | My uncle, who's almost 50 and still lives with his mother, keeps sending me these *funny* memes.Yesss. Now when I hear “she tricked me”, I’m like it’s your fault for not taking responsibility and using protection! Especially when a guy claims the same woman has tricked him more than once! Now you’re just being stupid or lying my dude... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 02:31 AM |
| 27 | I found out about this subreddit through a hate post, and I'm so fucking glad I didSo happy you are here! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 02:28 AM |
| 9 | If it's emotionally hard to stay away from a LVM, post here. If you need encouragement, post here. If you want to stay on track but its been tough this week, post here. I will give you ENCOURAGEMENT, AFFIRMATIONS, and SUPPORT to other Queens that need to get through this shitty week. Don't text him.We 100% do! The ridiculous part is he’s the one who left the last time because I wouldn’t recommit to him fast enough when trying to reconcile. I wanted to go slowly and not rush it. It was the last straw for me. He asked for no contact and claimed he’d been seeing other women, I was just at the point of being like, whatever. So then I really didn’t contact him at all. Two months later he sent me an email all pikachu-surprised-face surprised he hadn’t heard from me, and of course wanting to get … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 01:43 AM |
| 14 | If it's emotionally hard to stay away from a LVM, post here. If you need encouragement, post here. If you want to stay on track but its been tough this week, post here. I will give you ENCOURAGEMENT, AFFIRMATIONS, and SUPPORT to other Queens that need to get through this shitty week. Don't text him.So true, and learning is part of growing. And ohhhh the list - I’ve posted here before. He was ten years older than me and in a senior position at our work. He was married with two kids at the time, but fed me the classic line of, were getting divorced and don’t have a relationship anymore, and I fell for it (I was 24 at the time I think). I later found out ex wife was pregnant with their third after we’d been together for a few months (she got pregnant prior to us starting anything) but he hid … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 01:27 AM |
| 13 | Fragile little things they areMe: “ugh I had a really hard day at work today. I feel so blah. Do you ever feel like that?” Him: “I can never seem to make you happy, no matter how hard I try, it’s just never enough. I think it’s best for you to find someone else and I’ll just remove myself from the relationship” Me: wtf just happened... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 12:45 AM |
| 28 | If it's emotionally hard to stay away from a LVM, post here. If you need encouragement, post here. If you want to stay on track but its been tough this week, post here. I will give you ENCOURAGEMENT, AFFIRMATIONS, and SUPPORT to other Queens that need to get through this shitty week. Don't text him.Yes, what a great post. Idk what it is this week but it’s been a rough one. I’ve been no contact about two months and don’t check social media either. This dude was totally not even great! I’m happy to list out all the problems and red flags for anyone interested haha. I think the hardest part is knowing that after the initial period of drama and emotional abuse by him, I wasn’t the great partner I was in the beginning and hurt him too. And that’s not who I am - it wasn’t me before I met him and… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/06/20 12:42 AM |
| 13 | To level up, you need to realize your worth and break all the habits that are not serving you well. A pandemic and civil unrest is STILL not an excuse to allow your ex access to your presence & time now that they are all alone. They have PLENTY of time to reflect on their actions on their own.So true! After HE requested no contact after HE broke up with me, he came back trying to reconcile and get back together twice now. I’ve resisted every time. I don’t see why anything would change when this wasn’t the first time he’d broken up with me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 06:28 PM |
| 6 | I’ll suck the life out of her & send her to the psych ward and then call her crazyYes! I love this. HVM prefer calm and rational conversations, ALWAYS. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 05:23 PM |
| 31 | To level up, you need to realize your worth and break all the habits that are not serving you well. A pandemic and civil unrest is STILL not an excuse to allow your ex access to your presence & time now that they are all alone. They have PLENTY of time to reflect on their actions on their own.Needed this - despite logically knowing my ex sucks, it’s still an emotional struggle sometimes. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 05:22 PM |
| 3 | June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Not visible to the eye, this is one of the most damaging and insidious forms of emotional and mental abuse. PLEASE educate yourself and stay safe ladies!I’m glad it helps! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 05:10 PM |
| 22 | I’ll suck the life out of her & send her to the psych ward and then call her crazyOmg I had a similar experience! My ex called me “cold and business like” when I wouldn’t engage in an emotional shit show over text - I offered to have an in person convo, clearly let him know I wouldn’t be texting him while I was driving home, offered to see him to have a rational conversation instead of yelling, finally told him he needed to calm down, etc. this was me being “cold and business like” when I was actually just being safe and rational 🙄 btw I was in my mid 20s and this dude was te… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/06/20 03:47 PM |
| 17 | June 1 is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Not visible to the eye, this is one of the most damaging and insidious forms of emotional and mental abuse. PLEASE educate yourself and stay safe ladies!This is the ultimate goal - good for you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 09:06 PM |
| 57 | Men will rage against literally anything women ask for or the tiniest boundary we set, so stop caring. Demand the ridiculous sis, you owe it to yourself.Not even ridiculous demands and they rage. I had an ex who very definitively broke up with me and called off an engagement. Several months later we were considering reconciling and he demanded that I commit to him right away. I set a VERY reasonable boundary and was willing to work on the relationship, continue seeing each other slowly, and build up to that instead of jumping right back in like he wanted. I didn’t ask for a break or limited hangouts, just a slow progression to be sure we didn’t … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 08:11 PM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered 5/31/2020Yes! I’m happy to help. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/06/20 06:47 PM |
| 20 | In your opinion: What kind of mistakes and hiccups could a HVM possibly make, as opposed to the mistakes (red flags) a NVM/LVM exhibits?I think some other posters mentioned it, but their reactions to issues I think says majority of what you need to know. Let’s say you want more physical touch in a relationship. HV might not be super into physical affection, but if you express it to him and he understands your need and makes an visible effort that you notice, consistently, this is a good sign. LV can’t stand criticism. Let’s say you suggest a position during sex or something like that, they take it as a personal affront and play … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 09:58 PM |
| 13 | In your opinion: What kind of mistakes and hiccups could a HVM possibly make, as opposed to the mistakes (red flags) a NVM/LVM exhibits?On your last question, I’d say leave. This sort of happened to me, my ex called me the wrong name as we were going to bed one night, not during sex. I forgave him. I later found him texting that girl (who I found out was an ex from a dozen years ago) multiple times. Every time he promised to stop. He never did. This included some sexting. This all happened AFTER the name thing. Had I left then, I would have saved a whole lot of hassle and heartbreak. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 09:51 PM |
| 2 | I Don’t Want to Date Men Who Are 10-15 Years OlderGood for you! It stinks to learn this lesson the hard way, but at least we know better now! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 09:45 PM |
| 13 | I Don’t Want to Date Men Who Are 10-15 Years OlderI was 24 when I dated a guy who was 34. I was SO naive. Now at 27, just three years later, I can easily see how messed up that is. I can’t imagine dating someone in their early 20s myself! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 09:15 PM |
| 3 | What happens to PUAs/players/LVM?Yesss. Good for you. And just so you know, anecdotally, this guy DID come back starting about two months after he left me the last time. I just refused to take him back after all the other times he’d broken up with me. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t remember certain events that happened, remembered them differently, wanted to leave the pst in the past and move forward, etc. I kept screenshots of all our conversations so I knew he was gaslighting me. they don’t change, you aren’t missing out on anythi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 08:55 PM |
| 4 | What happens to PUAs/players/LVM?Hey girl. I had a super similar situation to you. Guy was ten years older, divorced with three kids. I met him at work prior to him leaving his wife, he wasn’t my direct boss but was in a position of power. After we got together, he put on an act like he was not like his eff boy friends who were in their 40s and still chasing girls on tinder, he acted like he wanted to settle down with me, his dream girl. Spoiler, I caught him texting his ex girlfriend from a dozen years ago multiple times. Incl… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 08:01 PM |
| 6 | What happens to PUAs/players/LVM?I had a similar situation to OP. Guy was ten years older and divorced with 3 kids. HE used to say that he would never be interested in other girls because he had me and that was worth so much more than playing the field. This came up because he had two NVM friends who were in their 40s, divorced with kids also, and still playing around on Tinder. The kicker here, is that even though my ex SAID he wasn’t like those guys, he kept talking to his ex gf from literally a dozen years ago, before he was… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 07:52 PM |
| 15 | I Don’t Want to Date Men Who Are 10-15 Years OlderParticularly if you are equally as or more successful in your career. A guy who makes equivalent or less than you literally can not afford enough in alimony to replace your wages. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 07:21 PM |
| 30 | I Don’t Want to Date Men Who Are 10-15 Years OlderProbably a good point - he’d said those exact same things to me before, that he didn’t care how much I made or what I did for a living. While at the same time this guy told me if I wanted to have a successful husband and family life, I needed to learn to put my career second 🤮 (because I travelled for work at the time, but so did he). homeboy already had 3 kids of his own and was divorced, I don’t think I needed to take his advice 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 06:44 PM |
| 83 | I Don’t Want to Date Men Who Are 10-15 Years OlderOmg THIS. I made the mistake of dating a decade older before finding FDS. The only thing this guy could come up with when I asked him what he liked about me or why his family liked me, was that I was pretty and looked like his type 🙄 let’s just all ignore the fact that I have a masters degree, two professional licenses, ran a half marathon, am an executive leader in a company, and also am on the board of a children’s charity...I’m PRETTY. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/05/20 05:57 PM |
| 34 | Ladies, when you hear a "I did nothing and she suddenly went crazy for no reason" type of story, rest assured it's complete bullshit and the guy is omitting a lot of things to make the girl look insaneOh this is so true and I wish I knew sooner. Had an ex who said in the beginning his own ex was an abusive alcoholic and he had to get a restraining order against her and he saved her from a suicide attempt once, like crazy stuff - but literally 12 years later, while married to his ex wife and then dating me, he was still texting her, sending her gifts (I saw in his Amazon account), and then I found her texting him about their “sex life” 🤦🏻♀️ yea sure, she’s obviously crazy bro 🙄 The kicker is … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 10:03 PM |
| 63 | I cannot believe this 🤮 ladies, men doing ANYTHING to you in your sleep without consent is assault.I am so sorry that happened to you. I had an ex who would touch me while I was asleep as well. I’ve never spoken about it except here in this group. It’s been very validating to know that wasn’t okay and that I’m right to feel uncomfortable about it. I hope you’ve been able to continue moving forward. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 04:33 PM |
| 3 | I cannot believe this 🤮 ladies, men doing ANYTHING to you in your sleep without consent is assault.Same question. I’ve never linked anything! Usually just screenshots. Let me know how it’s supposed to be done - I’m terrible with technology. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 03:15 PM |
| 6 | I cannot believe this 🤮 ladies, men doing ANYTHING to you in your sleep without consent is assault.https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/grbrxr/i_found_out_that_my_bf_posted_a_video_online_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app I think that worked? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 02:22 PM |
| 7 | Nobody will be able to tell me I was the loser of the breakup.I second that. I was on and active in that sub for several months after leaving my ex fiancé. It helped tremendously to recognize the behavior and understand what happened to me. It helped tremendously in healing and moving forward. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 02:20 PM |
| 6 | MALE FERTILITY HITS THE WALL AT AGE 30I would be less worried if he doesn’t already have kids with known genetic issues. Age is still definitely a point to consider, but in my case specifically, there was already a known history of multiple health problems among his kids. Kind of hard to turn a blind eye to that... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/05/20 12:52 AM |
| 3 | MALE FERTILITY HITS THE WALL AT AGE 30Haha well this dude was not a nice person generally and I should have left him for a zillion reasons. But the apparently not so great genetics (I did some actual research and found that once someone has one kid with autism, the likelihood of subsequent childrens’ diagnosis is higher) definitely weighed in the “No” column for me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/20 11:58 PM |
| 12 | What kind of man gets off on beating his wife until she’s unconscious? A pornsick one.Omfg I saw this earlier and felt sick 😖 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/20 09:43 PM |
| 31 | MALE FERTILITY HITS THE WALL AT AGE 30I struggled with this concept a lot when deciding to fully leave things with my NVM ex fiancé. He’ll be 38 this year and I’ll be 28. He has 3 kids and I have none and would have wanted my family to be with him. But, his second child was born with autism, and third child (which he hid from me but that’s a whole other issue) had medical problems and was unclear whether it would make it to full term - the child ended up being born okay, but there was a lot of risk. Both of those things worried me a… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 26/05/20 05:09 PM |
| 33 | Guy keeps spreadsheets and rates sex with his GF....didn’t fit in the screenshot but he also has spreadsheets of all his ex’s too 🤮🤮🤮 why oh whyyyySame! I checked an ex’s phone only one singular time and caught him talking to an ex we’d argued about in the past (she was from a DOZEN years ago) anddd she was talking to him about their sex life 🤦🏻♀️ I think if you feel the need to snoop, you’re probably gonna find something... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/20 09:36 PM |
| 9 | Little victoriesRefused to take back my ex fiancé who had broken up with me over a dozen times. He had three kids, one of which he kept a secret from me when we first started dating. He was also still sexting an old ex girlfriend from a dozen years ago AFTER we were engaged. This sub saved my life from resigning myself to step mommy and younger play thing (he was 10 years my senior, we met at work where he was in a position of authority). I’m completely NC and have no desire to check his social media etc anymor… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/20 03:48 PM |
| 27 | true love is free from fearI love this. A genuine HVM and right person for you will NEVER make you feel fear - you will never be afraid of him as a person, afraid of him leaving you, afraid of him talking to other girls, feeling insecure, etc. The right person for you will always make you feel loved and respected and won’t ever make you feel anxious or on edge about where you or the relationship stand. Security is sexy 👍🏻 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 25/05/20 03:17 PM |
| 19 | I have fallen in love with this psychologist! - How to Avoid Dating a Narcissist with Dr. RamaniShe is literally the primary reason I was able to heal and move on after a nasty breakup with my narc ex fiancé. She put words and terms to all of the things I experienced in the relationship that were confusing and hurtful that I just couldn’t understand. Her real world examples and clearly defined terms and no nonsense approach is incredible. Highly recommend these videos for everyone. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/05/20 09:54 PM |
| 24 | Update to the post about 23F who was strangled unconscious during sex by her the 35M BDSM loving boyfriend. SHOCKER: He’s an abusive POS!I had an ex fiancé once tell me no one would love me like he did and other people didn’t care about me like he did. I called him out on that SO hard. His excuse was that he didn’t mean it like that and it came out wrong and he just loves me so much blah blah. I’m no contact with him now. Guys who say things like that are GLARING red flags, and we need to learn to leave immediately. No matter how mad I ever was at him, the thought to tell him no one would love him NEVER crossed my mind. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 24/05/20 04:42 PM |
| 16 | Woman’s UNEMPLOYED husband could handle being a stay at home dad for THREE days so she had to shut down her business and lay-off 13 people.I love the “couch creatures” tag 😂😂😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 08:33 PM |
| 8 | Today on unpopular opinions 🙄🙄🙄 “I don’t want to be a strong independent woman” this 19 year old is in for a rude awakening 🤮Good point. I read it and was so shocked like WTF is she crazy? I didn’t consider it was a dude but I bet you both are right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/05/20 05:00 PM |
| 7 | Broke up with BF over Instagram girlsHaha I know that now! I was young and naive and thought it would all work out like a fairytale. Man was I completely wrong. At least I didn’t make any sort of life altering commitments to that guy - no marriage, no kids, and I’m finally feeling so much better and moving on with the help of this group 🙌🏻 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/20 09:21 PM |
| 12 | Broke up with BF over Instagram girlsOh wow, I have such a similar story to you. I’m 27 now but when I was 26 I was dating a guy who was 37 (with 3 kids) and among a TON of other prior issues, I ALSO caught him sexting an ex girlfriend from literally a dozen years ago. She’d been a problem before with him texting her and promised he’d stopped and blocked her numerous times. But he hadn’t. Exactly like you, I asked to see the rest of the messages because he claimed I only saw her say something one time and he never responded and he … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/20 02:18 PM |
| 8 | Can HV traits cancel out LV traits?If both of his ex wives are “mentally unstable” he clearly has poor decision making skills too. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 21/05/20 03:05 AM |
| 10 | If you don't want a diamond ring...I think it also depends where it’s from and who made it. I have a plain sterling silver band from Tiffany’s I have worn literally every single day for almost 8 years on my right hand. It still looks the exact same. Actual quality. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/05/20 01:05 PM |
| 56 | Seriously what is happening today?!? This mid 20s GF is expected to be financially responsible for BF’s kids?! In her comments, he wants her to contribute to the kids college funds??? Just NO.No, thankfully most were telling her to leave this guy and she was too young for that baggage and to move on. He ALSO apparently refused to marry her and wouldn’t give her her own biological children (per the OP’s comments). Hopefully she actually leaves. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/05/20 09:00 PM |
| 3 | Men with kids...Agree. My ex told me he never loved his ex and only married her because he thought he was at that age, his brother had already gotten married, and only procreated with her because she tricked him and he tried to divorce her multiple times but his family forced him to stay and blah blah blah. It read to me like he has poor decision making skills and no ability to create boundaries or stand up to others. Red flags. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/20 04:50 PM |
| 1 | how important is passion/chemistry?Oh no, there’s tons of signs. I recommend you check out Doctor Ramani on YouTube - she just did a glossary of narcissistic abuse terms. Things like gaslighting, hoovering, triangulation, black and white thinking, intense emotional fluctuations, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/05/20 01:56 AM |
| 14 | On today’s episode of why are men™During a time I didn’t have a dishwasher, I had to rewash dishes my ex washed. Because he CONSTANTLY left food on them, visible food. And he was all proud of helping and doing equal work since I cooked 🙄 I was too much of a Pickme to say anything and was just happy he at least tried 🤦🏻♀️ never again. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 07:05 PM |
| 17 | Men with kids...When I was considering having kids with my ex who had prior children, I did realize that indirectly my money would go to them too. He also had this idea that I couldn’t provide my child with nicer things than his kids would get. This didn’t work for me since I’m a successful professional who makes as much as him, but his income supported ex wife who had never held a job. So his kids were getting only a portion of his income. Mine would get all of mine. He couldn’t stand the idea that I’d want to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 05:02 PM |
| 6 | Men with kids...I also realized that. First I was like great he only has every other weekend custody and I don’t have to deal with them. Then I was like wait, that means if he left me with kids he wouldn’t care enough to have 50/50 custody. And to be clear, he was very upfront that he never asked for 50/50 and willingly gave her like 90/10. He was like “I understand that the choice I made means I won’t have the kids in my life as much but I deserve to be happy and she was terrible.” Naive me was like this makes… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 03:35 PM |
| 7 | how important is passion/chemistry?Girl your second paragraph is the same way it was for me too. And you are so correct it’s a huge part of narcissism - my ex displayed SO MANY of the traits of a narcissist that I only learned about after the fact. Healing from a relationship like that is hard and takes time but we CAN do it! And we WILL find better! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 02:00 PM |
| 10 | Men with kids...And she was a SAHM. I don’t know this woman at all, but he talked so much crap about how she was only with him for money and popped kids out to eventually get child support. This dude makes a good living but not millions, not even close, barely more than what I do haha. Anyways I feel bad he left her but also kind of happy for her if he treated her at all the way he treated me. At least we’re both free 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:57 PM |
| 35 | Men with kids...I would never do it again. I dated a guy who was ten years older and had three kids (last one was born during our relationship which he kept a secret from me - divorced from their mother). I cannot stress enough I would never ever do this ever again. The amount of drama and excuses that come up from these guys because of their kids is insane. And he wasn’t even a great dad. He tried to come off as one but would just take the kids to dinner or to a movie and then give them back to their mother. T… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:48 PM |
| 8 | Men with kids...Unless he divorces her. My ex with three kids divorced his wife. He’s also a terrible person so be careful in territory like this 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:38 PM |
| 20 | Men with kids...YES. Marriage does not equal planned. My ex claimed all three of his kids with his ex wife were oops kids and that she tricked him into the last one...key word: claimed... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:37 PM |
| 2 | how important is passion/chemistry?I tend to think passion and chemistry are two different things. Chemistry is how you interact with someone - can you share little jokes, laugh about the same things, be out in public together and notice the same things, be comfortable dancing around to 90s hits on a Friday night together, have witty banter, etc. I think passion is purely physical, and I think that it comes and goes with time as others have said. If passion and sex was the only thing holding a relationship together, I would be wa… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:35 PM |
| 20 | how important is passion/chemistry?Yes! This was me! I had the exact same problem letting go of a guy who was full on emotionally abusing me too just because we had such a “connection” and were so “passionate” about each other. I equated that great sex with love which was totally incorrect (I also later realized the sex was actually not that great and I just happened to be so in love with the guy, it seemed great 😂) My therapist taught me that the reason I felt those highs was because of all the lows I experienced in the relation… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/05/20 01:31 PM |
| 24 | Even the worst men will show HV traits in the beginning. This is how they hook you in.What I learned: set a reasonable boundary they don’t like, but include an opportunity to continue the courtship. See how they react. Ex - set no physical intimacy, no labels yet, not wanting to meet parents yet, asking to move the relationship slower, etc. If you’re clear there is a path forward to continue getting to know each other but you aren’t comfortable yet with whatever XYZ that he wants, and he throws a massive hissy fit? Slowly back away....forever... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/20 05:10 PM |
| 3 | TIL that r/relationships sides with the man almost 2/3rds of the timeHaha very true, always gonna be someone. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/05/20 01:00 AM |
| 27 | TIL that r/relationships sides with the man almost 2/3rds of the timeAnd if even THAT sub is telling you that you need to leave your man/SO....then you probably REALLY do. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/20 07:09 PM |
| 65 | How many other NVM phrases can you think of ?Side rant - I had an ex who would call me “good girl” to my face like I was a freaking child. It annoyed the hell out of me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/05/20 01:47 PM |
| 7 | Women on r/relationships and r/AITA in a nutshellSame, completely agree | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/20 03:29 AM |
| 14 | My ex who I was absolutely IN LOVE with at 16 (and would do ANYTHING for) is now contacting me 25 years later and love bombing me. All I could think of was this. Thank you FDSThis sort of happened to me. I was dating a recently divorced guy and ex wife wasn’t the problem...the ex girlfriend from TWELVE years ago (before he ever got married) was. He called me her name one night, I saw him texting her multiple times, I saw he had sent her gifts during the time he was married (obv not during our relationship but still was a flag for me), and I brought all this up a number of times because it made me uncomfortable. He promised he ceased communication every time. The last… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/05/20 01:08 AM |
| 5 | You can never convince a man to love youUgh! What a nightmare. My therapist actually suggested BPD might be the case here too 😬 it’s so difficult to deal with those ups and downs - I think it messes up your baseline for other relationships in your life (not even romantic). I’m glad you blocked him and I hope you’re doing well! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/05/20 07:54 PM |
| 12 | You can never convince a man to love youExactly! This was my first experience with that. It left me so confused, I used to save our text conversations so I could go back and make sure I did remember things correctly, etc. I watched a lot of Doctor Ramani on YouTube to learn about the hot/cold, gaslighting, etc. Now I know better though! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/05/20 01:22 AM |
| 27 | You can never convince a man to love youAfter he dumped me before the last one, I just didn’t take him back. Then followed months of emails, handwritten letters, gifts, etc. I briefly did consider reconciling, stated a boundary that I needed to restart from the beginning and not just jump back in, and this guy requested no contact because I wouldn’t recommit to him immediately after everything that had happened 🙄 The actual audacity. Anyways, I happily obliged his no contact and he reached out eventually surprised I maintained no cont… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 11:29 PM |
| 15 | You can never convince a man to love youYes! Good for you. I was even engaged to this guy, and he cancelled three different weddings 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ trust me, there is so much more out there for you. It’s incredibly hard to believe that right now I’m sure, and you’ll have moments of doubt, but it will get better. You have this whole community of friends behind you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 10:54 PM |
| 61 | You can never convince a man to love youGirl I was in such a similar situation to you, only difference is that he did make more money than me. But he was also ten years older, started when I was 24, I’m also a successful professional like you, and I also felt like nothing I could do was good enough. This man constantly broke up with me apparently thinking he was going to find better who wanted to be with his divorced self with three kids. I cooked for this man, had a beautiful home I openly shared with him, was willing to move across … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 07:59 PM |
| 138 | Congrats on 70k+ Members!This sub helped me gather my strength, courage, and self confidence to finally leave an emotionally abusive, much older ex who almost tied me down to three step kids 🤦🏻♀️ this sub quite literally saved my life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 03:02 PM |
| 18 | Girl Wash Your Face Book - Pick Me behaviourI refused to read it after all the plagiarism accusations came out... https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemcneal/rachel-hollis-girl-wash-face-accused-plagiarizing-quotes https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/opinion/girl-stop-reading-how-an-evangelical-self-help-guru-fuels-americas-happiness-dilemma | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/05/20 05:17 AM |
| 10 | If the “squishy” girlfriend junk wasn’t enough, they’ve also made an actual MOMMY girlfriend stereotype. Does it get any worse than this?!I think I was previously a mommy gf to a nearly 40 year old CEO with three children of his own - these pics describe it exactly. Oh dear 🤦🏻♀️ never again!!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/20 09:26 PM |
| 11 | Approximately 90% of women on relationship adviceI think if even the people on relationship advice tell you you need to leave and move on, it’s really reallyyy bad 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/05/20 12:40 AM |
| 52 | On 90 Day Fiance Rose stands up for herself and calls out Big Ed for humiliating her and lying. Reminder to not take shit from men 💅Her face during that convo 😂 if looks could kill, her eyes were shooting daggers. I was cheering for her during that whole scene! Outside of this, she calls him out on all his rude behavior, like “gifting” her mouthwash 😂 this season is so great. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/05/20 05:08 PM |
| 12 | Trust their patterns, not their words or actionsI am not a conservative Catholic woman, but I do agree with the overarching point of this article. I’ve been in a similar situation, and wish I had recognized these red flags and knew about the cycle of abuse back then. The information is relevant, just take it with a grain of salt if you’re not religious etc. That life may not be for me, but hey, I’m all about sisters being informed and protecting themselves, no matter how we each choose to live. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/05/20 01:40 PM |
| 2 | Setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries will help you kick that self-doubtTotally feel you on that! I had a similar situation - this ex said I was too close to my family and needed to learn to break away (luckily though, my family didn’t take advantage of boundaries or lack thereof, they’re just really supportive of me and making sure I’m happy and healthy). I took it as a red flag though that he wanted to to be around and spend less time with them, despite me inviting him to join us, come to events with me, etc. he wanted me to set boundaries for them, when I ended u… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/20 07:24 PM |
| 8 | Setting and maintaining reasonable boundaries will help you kick that self-doubtYou can do it! It’s not easy, but once you get to a place of really understanding what you want and need for yourself, people can choose to abide by that or not, and it takes the “decisions” off of you, in a way. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/20 06:44 PM |
| 28 | What was a Pickme behavior that you've looked back on and regretted?Taking him back after like 10+ breakups. Honestly every week. While he was living with his soon to be ex wife. I was always so desperate for him to come back. I’d buy groceries to cook him dinner not knowing if he’d show up. I’d given this guy a key to my house. It was sad honestly. Also, believing every story he fed me about why he called me his ex girlfriends name, why he was texting her, mailing her things while he was married (this was before he knew me, but still a red flag since he was mar… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/04/20 04:46 AM |
| 46 | If he reaches out after months, do not think of this as meaningfulLOVE this post. And I wish I’d had this sooner. To add to a field report, the time I did recently consider giving an ex another chance and held to the above mentioned rule of requiring we start from the beginning, go through courting and dating, and NOT just jump back in (I wanted to take it slowly), this dude refused to agree to those parameters and since I would not commit and MARRY him right away (that’s insane), he wanted no contact, which I happily granted. He came back months after no cont… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 28/04/20 04:40 PM |
| 18 | You can admit you miss and care for a LVM ex, that is okay, but don't let it fuck your shit up.I really like this post, and it’s exactly something I’ve struggled with myself. I love the idea of all these fierce ladies ditching crappy dudes in their past, and I’d love to be one of them, but the feelings still feel. I think you’re right, honoring those feelings is healthy as long as we maintain the boundaries we’ve set. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/04/20 05:27 PM |
| 7 | Dating a man with trust issues is a fucking nightmare! Refuse to suffer for another woman's mistakes.Yikes! Same thing happened to me. I agree, I know better now and would definitely stay away from these signs in the future. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/04/20 01:04 AM |
| 7 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Love that | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 11:19 PM |
| 4 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Awesome advice. I have not gotten into meditation yet, but sounds like it would be a good route to go as well. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 11:18 PM |
| 6 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?This is so great. I am definitely taking that advice. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 11:16 PM |
| 10 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Completely! And that’s exactly what happened, I let him back WAY too many times. I FINALLY learned to draw that boundary at the last breakup, clearly stating I wouldn’t be returning to the relationship. And I haven’t. It’s just a real mind f*** to think they’re realizing it finally too...just too late. But thank you for the words, it’s encouraging. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 09:48 PM |
| 3 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Loving from a distance - I like that a lot. And yes, using the daughter example has been really helpful in staying out of that relationship thus far. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 09:32 PM |
| 9 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?This is super helpful, thank you for sharing your wisdom! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 09:30 PM |
| 8 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?This is exactly the place I want to get to. Did you do any specific things to help you get to that point? I’m doing the standard, working out, in therapy, making big strides in my career, etc. I know it takes time, I just want this dude outta my head! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 09:09 PM |
| 16 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Oh no you’re fine, I was trying not to get too specific and keep it to a high level discussion to include as many people as possible., happy to give you details. This is a lengthy former relationship that was full of ups and downs (mostly hurtful downs), including him breaking up with me multiple times, cancelling our wedding, living with soon to be ex wife at the beginning of our relationship, sexting another old random ex gf, and having baby #3 with that ex wife that I didn’t even know about (… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 08:51 PM |
| 25 | When a relationship you thought had a real future ends, and the man comes back after the fact realizing how much he messed up, apologizing, etc, how do you ladies keep it moving?Ah fair point, I suppose I mean mistake in the sense you described - chose to do something they knew was hurtful. Good clarification. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/04/20 07:56 PM |
| 6 | "thank u :)"This is amazing. And so accurate. Love it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 20/04/20 04:49 PM |
| 3 | The first time I saw the Narc Prayer - I was blown awayThat’s a great idea! Awful that we need to do that, but good suggestion of a technique. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/20 10:44 PM |
| 26 | I think the reason men move on so quickly as if they never cared is because they never actually invested themselves into the relationship or their partnerI think a lot of women start getting over the relationship while they’re still in it. Women tend to leave emotionally before physically, and I think if we experience a lot of hurt in the relationship, we process those emotions before the final break up even happens. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/20 10:39 PM |
| 34 | I think the reason men move on so quickly as if they never cared is because they never actually invested themselves into the relationship or their partnerYes! They miss you when you’re gone because they don’t respect your absence. They aren’t worried about not having you in their life, until you’re actually gone. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/20 10:29 PM |
| 13 | The first time I saw the Narc Prayer - I was blown awayYessss girl. I actually have a Dropbox where I saved text conversations with my ex narc to make sure I wasn’t crazy, I started doing this way in the beginning and didn’t know why. I just felt I had to. In one of our last conversations, he tried to claim the specific details of an event didn’t happen and “he’d moved on from it,” and another example only happened once and he didn’t recall what I was talking about. Thankfully, I had the proof myself and knew exactly what happened. I’ve since learne… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/04/20 01:49 PM |
| 36 | Yes Ladies, You CAN be raped and not realize it until weeks later: A Profile of a GraypistYour examples of what they say are spot on. I dated a guy and woke up to him touching me (I had been asleep), and when I later asked him about it calmly, he freaked out about how I was accusing him of assault (at the time, I reassured him I wasn’t, I was just trying to have a conversation, etc). A separate time, I woke up one morning, and he told me he had tried to initiate sex in the night when I was asleep and I “turned him down” and he was hurt by that. I was asleep! I had no recollection of … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/04/20 01:43 PM |
| 13 | What is the best life changing advice you can give for a 23 year old girl in terms of dating, education or working? (Level up)Personally, focus on your career. Being independent and financially stable ON YOUR OWN gives you options and choices. You don’t need anyone else in your life to take care of you, so you can choose someone who really only adds to your life. Plus, you’ll build confidence in yourself that you are a capable and successful woman! Agree with other posters about not being afraid to ask for a raise, but don’t be afraid to change jobs either in order to move up. I know some people hesitate to leave a pos… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 09:09 PM |
| 33 | Woman gets called “nothing but a mouth to use and abuse” by her fiancé and “ideally doesn’t want to be told to break up with him”I feel terrible for this woman. Posts like this make me worried that they lead to everyone dropping their standards though. Some girl (not an FDS-er) might read this and think about her own situation, wow at least my BF isn’t that bad, etc. this is exactly why FDS is SO needed. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/04/20 09:04 PM |
| 4 | Is this negging?! I swear I don’t look anything like an alien 😭I didn’t understand what this was until I joined FDS. I get a lot of compliments on my somewhat larger bright blue eyes. My ex used to tell me I had bug eyes 😒🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/20 10:38 PM |
| 7 | “We assume that another adult in a relationship is NOT an INFANT who needs our attention 24/7 - the problem is that doesn’t really work for the narcissist.”https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xUnmx3tgKZI Here you go! She’s doing a series all month long with a new video every day explaining and going over examples of all these terms. So enlightening! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/20 09:17 PM |
| 11 | DON'T DATE SIGNIFICANTLY OLDER MEN.Omg. This is frightening to say the least. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/04/20 05:20 PM |
| 10 | Why would a man be a bachelor later in life if he claims he has always wanted a family?I think I’d be wary of the divorced depending on the reason. I’ve heard “we were too young, I picked the wrong person, we never had anything in common” etc, which to me, points to poor critical thinking and decision making skills. Also if the guy initiated the divorce, especially if he has young kids, I’d likely view that as somewhat selfish. Context is everything, but I’d be wary that would happen to me too (particularly if you’re wanting more kids with the guy). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 10:21 PM |
| 8 | Low value behaviour from men is 100% intentional, they know what they're doingI know I know. It helps to see so plainly and simply though that he just doesn’t care or get it. But yes, I was doing super well with NC for months before he got back in touch and I intend to go back to that, for sure. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 04:14 PM |
| 25 | A daily reminder that how he treats you is how he feels about you.How he treats you now, but do NOT forget how he treated you previously. My ex has been messaging me since this virus started (yes I know, block him). We were talking about some major relationship issues yesterday, and I pointed out how hurtful something he did was (still living with his ex wife during the beginning of us dating). He said he knew it was hurtful and felt guilty about it every day. So I say, you knew it was hurtful, you still did it, and this is exactly why I don’t believe you care… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 04:03 PM |
| 16 | Low value behaviour from men is 100% intentional, they know what they're doingRight?! It’s crazy making. But I know he’s not obtuse, he’s a smart guy, he’s a CEO for Pete’s sake....I’m like dude, you’re admitting exactly what my problem with you is... 🤦🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 03:49 PM |
| 27 | Low value behaviour from men is 100% intentional, they know what they're doingStory time. This concept is 100% true. My ex has been messaging me since this virus started (yes I know, block him). We were talking about some major relationship issues yesterday, and I pointed out how hurtful something he did was (still living with his ex wife during the beginning of us dating). He said he knew it was hurtful and felt guilty about it every day. So I say, you knew it was hurtful, you still did it, and this is exactly why I don’t believe you care about me. He couldn’t seem to gr… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/04/20 02:52 PM |
| 104 | Preach, babygirl!THIS. So true. They always “realize how special what we had was” after you’ve tried to get it through their head for years and finally had enough and left...too bad so sad for them. I’ve read women leave emotionally long before they leave physically. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/04/20 08:59 PM |
| 3 | I need a little support, my husband and I are at odds sexuallyGirl, I was once in an age gap relationship like this but at 24 instead of 19. A few years out from that, it’s SO EASY for me to now see how naive I was and how easily manipulated I was. There is an insane amount of growth and change that comes in your 20’s, I promise you. I know it’s hard to hear a lot of these comments, but this group honestly wants the best for you. He’s not with you because you are wildly mature for your age, even if you are. He’s with you because he is wildly IMMATURE for h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/20 07:18 PM |
| 9 | This Woman is Doing The Lord’s Work by Refusing to help her friend breed with a LVM.I saw this this morning and my face was horrified. The LVM man also kept kicking the can down the road on having children, and this woman’s friend went along with it and is now struggling because she followed his wishes. Not hers. Ladies, if you want children and a man doesn’t want to follow your timeline for completely reasonable, biological reasons, he’s not the guy for you. He should understand and respect your goals and needs. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/20 05:56 PM |
| 3 | This flip flopping is giving me whiplash 🙄 a prime example of gaslighting here.So true! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/04/20 05:15 PM |
| 21 | This flip flopping is giving me whiplash 🙄 a prime example of gaslighting here.The first line. One day he says, “there’s nothing to make sense of”, in the context of me not wanting to reopen this relationship as I’m still sorting out what happened during it (he always had a tendency to sweep things under the rug). Then a few days later, says “there’s a lot to make sense of.” Pick a lane man. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/20 09:19 PM |
| 30 | Reminder: LVM say anything to get what they want.Oh dear. I ALSO had a guy use the “this is how my brain works, it’s not your fault, it was someone long before you” line. Jeez. Reading it not directed at me, but in someone else’s convo, really shows how weird it is. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/04/20 03:30 PM |
| 17 | Sis, If You Have to Write A Whole Essay Here To Ask Us Whether He is Playing You and You Should Move On...I love the advice about focusing on the long term. I think that can be difficult when emotionally someone makes you feel good in the moment, for a day, for a week, for a month. It can be really hard to separate that from the long term but is crucial. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/04/20 09:50 PM |
| 7 | What is the worst LVM you've subjected yourself toNo problem! We need more of this. Sharing our exact experiences. The behaviors to look out for. The red flags we ignored. Etc. I’ve found a lot of validation in reading the texts other women receive, reading the things their partners did, and realizing that all of these behaviors and words are so similar! They aren’t special, and the more experience we can share with each other, the better equipped we will all be to handle any variety of situations thrown at us. Knowledge seriously is power. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/20 09:12 PM |
| 15 | What is the worst LVM you've subjected yourself toYep, said she was verbally abusive as well. This woman was like 5 feet tall, maybe 100 lbs. he was 6 foot like 190, former football player. Also claimed his ex gf, not the wife but the one I caught him texting, was physically abusive and he had a restraining order against her. Yet he voluntarily talked with her and mailed her gifts every so often...like what? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/20 06:26 PM |
| 44 | What is the worst LVM you've subjected yourself toBuckle up for this one. I must say I’m so thankful I found FDS at the end of this relationship and it’s kept me from going back as I heal and get stronger every day. I was 24 when I started working with this guy, 34. He was married with two kids at the time. He was not my direct boss, but was in a position of authority at the company. One night, a group of coworkers went out for drinks to celebrate my getting my Masters (yay!) he came, and of course too many drinks were had. I never viewed this … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/04/20 06:10 PM |
| 9 | My LVM ex fiancé makes instagrams and deletes after I block them. Just got another notification of one...My account is private, which is why I don’t understand the point of this whole thing. He can see one tiny profile pic that’s been the same for well over a year 🤷🏻♀️ so annoying | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 04/04/20 02:00 AM |
| 3 | New category? A place *just* to post lengthy apology emails / texts from LVM exes. Flair could be #LettersfromLVMI think this is a great idea. Seeing how similar these emails and texts are to what I received, has been a massive massive help in keeping me away from my terrible ex, and remembering they do not change. Love this idea. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 03/04/20 04:41 AM |
| 11 | My ex sent me an apology emailAgreed! This read so similarly to an email I got from my ex narc. They are alllllll the same. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/20 12:47 AM |
| 9 | My ex sent me an apology emailGirl congratulations to you for not replying! And thank you for sharing. I shared an email I got from my LVM ex after he also dumped me with this group, and everyone’s support was amazing. Unfortunately, I saw a lot of similarities to the email I received in the email that you received. Good to know they are apparently all the same. Unlike you I wasn’t strong enough to not respond at all but I’m glad I at least didn’t fall back in with him and have stayed away. We’re all in this together and you… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/04/20 12:46 AM |
| 39 | The only appropriate response to this kind of manipulative ass message is *BLOCKED*Yea fell for this for like two years. This group has helped me see the light. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/20 05:33 PM |
| 200 | The average woman has been taught from birth how to take care of 90% of men's daily needs, while men have been taught to take care of almost 0% of ours. Men claim they need less to "make them happy" because most of their needs get met by default. Women have to beg to be met halfway.Girl yes! Had a guy tell me “I don’t need much, I’m a simple guy, I just need you.” He needed me because I did everything for him! Sure enough, after he’d dumped me multiple times, he kept coming back realizing his life wasn’t as good without me. DUH. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 01/04/20 01:27 AM |
| 42 | But they're *faaaaaamily* (rant)(triggers)Yea I wanna second the other comment. I know a lot of people rationalize that they’re marrying the man and not the family, but it’s nearly impossible to get away from UNLESS the man has put in and enforced strong boundaries HIMSELF. I was with a guy who would tell me about how much he disliked his family and they never supported him and were horrible to him, yet he still attended every family event and sided with them constantly and kept them as a prominent presence in his life. It was like tryi… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/03/20 07:45 PM |
| 3 | Coronavirus is making them thirstyHahahaha baboon just made me laugh so hard, I love that | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 23/03/20 07:51 PM |
| 20 | Are you a kinky young lady with a secret "age gap attraction" ?!?!?!?! WELL.....My face when I saw this 😬😬😬 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 06:22 PM |
| 7 | You make it easy to replace youWhat do we think about the men who initiate divorces? That ones confusing to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 05:26 PM |
| 6 | Caution when dating single dadsWhat about the guys who left their wives? That’s still a confusing one for me - we should have a thread on that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 02:09 PM |
| 8 | Caution when dating single dadsOmg! Some of these things you mentioned happened to me when I was dating a guy with kids! I don’t have any myself, but certainly want them someday. He had three already, all very young, and constantly pressured me to get pregnant after a while, and would talk about how he wanted another 3 with me...which sounds insane! He’d also frequently choose to hang out with me instead of his kids during his parenting time (I never actually met them). I never asked for this, but he’d initiate the dates when… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 02:08 PM |
| 51 | Coronavirus is making them thirstyThis has happened to me three times this week, from the same guy. Who dumped me multiple times over our relationship and asked for NC after leaving again in January. This time, I gave him that NC and now he’s back telling me he didn’t really mean it. Like seriously? You wanted out now stay out. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 02:16 AM |
| 41 | Caution when dating single dadsCompletely totally agree with this. I regret ever getting involved with a guy with kids. It was by far the singular worst experience of my life. Other point to consider, if you want children yourself, they will never be his only or number one priority. When I have kids of my own, I realized I want the other person to be 100% focused only on our kids the same way I will be. I’ve read on here before that “the greatest gift you can give your kids is who their father is.” At the very least choose so… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 01:49 AM |
| 15 | Yet another reason never to “date down”... If you, do they can’t handle it. Never settle.Literally this was my entire last relationship - I wish I had known sooner. I thought that he was too good for me 🤦🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/03/20 12:16 AM |
| 13 | Didn’t expect this to hit so close to home.Yea I feel this this week. It’s like, you discarded me months ago and think it’s now fine to express how much you “love” me? And what a mistake that was? Come on. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/20 02:30 PM |
| 1 | LV-ex texted me againTen years??? That is crazy. I really hope that doesn’t happen to me! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/20 09:27 AM |
| 3 | LV-ex texted me againHappened to me - the Coronavirus Hoover. To be fair I’d only been NC for two months - but 3 years for you?! That’s insane. Ignore him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/03/20 01:11 AM |
| 1 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Definitely hard because I definitely did and still do love him. But yes, I’m trying super hard to keep moving forward and not let this throw me off the track of progress. Thank you for the kind words :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 09:21 PM |
| 3 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Bingo. Ex wife was pregnant when we got together and he didn’t tell me. I found out digging on Google myself and confronted him. And no, I definitely do not, and it’s so helpful to have this group remind me of that fact and stay away from him. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 12:54 PM |
| 1 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 12:17 PM |
| 1 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Oh gosh that made me laugh! I have always wondered the same! This is only the latest - in the time I’ve known this guy he has emailed, typed, and handwritten like dozens of these. It’s...exhausting. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 12:15 PM |
| 3 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...That’s helpful! And I agree, I love FDS ideology but I’m definitely not perfect at all and have stumbled along the way in trying to finally move on and get this guy out of my life. Six months ago I would have for sure ran back to him, but thankfully I’m at least at a point now where that’s no longer an option or even something I want. Hopefully he’ll maybe finally get the hint... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 03:20 AM |
| 6 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...That is correct, child support and full alimony to keep ex wife as a SAHM. And no, he’s not a millionaire. Well off, think $200k/yr +, but the youngest is only two so...long way to go. Super good point. I’m realizing that the only reason I ever went back before was because he always played the card about how he needed me and I was the only person who cared for him. But that was making myself just something to fill his needs, and not actually considering my OWN needs. It’s a mindset shift that’s … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/03/20 03:15 AM |
| 10 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...That’s what I’m doing. And that’s exactly what’s happening. I’ve been doing mostly well since the breakup and the no contact - I was shocked he reached out to me. It honestly really shook me off my game and that’s why I reached out here. To get some sense again! Every day is a struggle but this group is helping so much. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 06:15 PM |
| 13 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Thank you! That’s what I thought too. I’ve asked multiple times over the relationship for him to stop assuming he knows what I think or feel - it’s always like this. Ugh. Thank you both. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 06:13 PM |
| 6 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Thank you for this. I was thinking the same. I honestly gave way more than 100% of myself to this relationship - I lost a lot of myself in it and have been in therapy for about 6 months and have been feeling so much better. I think you’re right - he’s hating not having someone in his life to do everything. I’ve been mostly strong in avoiding conversation with him and when I struggle I come here to this group for that reality check. I don’t ever want to go back to how I felt when I was with him. … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 05:07 PM |
| 4 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...The more I hear it from people - the more I believe and accept it and stop doubting myself. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 04:35 PM |
| 9 | This Hoover attempt can’t be sincere, right? Word jumble has me all kinds of confused...Thank you, it’s so sweet to hear that from someone else. I mostly haven’t been able to block him because he can be so volatile, and up and down and become an angry and cold person at times, that I feel like if I leave him unblocked, I can see what he has to say and try to stay one step ahead of him. I think me saying that sentence right there is probably an indicator of how badly I need to permanently remove him from my life. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 03:37 PM |
| 6 | Why Intelligent and High Performing Fall for Toxic Partners (Article)100% confirmed for me too, unfortunately. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/03/20 12:00 AM |
| 30 | Friendly reminder to block and delete in these troubling times, ladiesThis is happening to me now. I got the Coronavirus reach out message Thursday and ended the conversation then. But he apparently had more to say and wrote a four page email today. What. Is. Happening. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/20 07:10 PM |
| 48 | Don’t Compete With Other Girls For A ManYes! I so agree with this! I was with some dude who hadn’t completed his divorce with his ex wife, so I was competing with her. His mother fought him tooth and nail on the divorce (she couldn’t have a divorce in HER family), so I was competing with her. I caught him texting an ex gf from a dozen years ago inappropriate things multiple times, so I was competing with her. This dude made an Instagram to purposely make me jealous and every single one of his ex’s followed him and liked or commented o… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/20 01:42 PM |
| 19 | I have absolutely no wordsOh I have a story for you! I’m one of those ones who posted this week about my ex fiancé using Coronavirus as a reason to get back in touch. The last time we had talked was in January, and he asked to go no contact because I refused to recommit to marriage with him (he dumped me in September, and now says he shouldn’t have and could have just talked to me about the issue he was having - I’m not just going to up and recommit to a marriage, how delusional can you be). Anyways, I hold firm on this … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/20 12:43 PM |
| 2 | Are we still in mercury retrograde? Because guess who came back.So funny! I had a missed call from this same guy back in February because he “got a new phone and wanted to make sure my number transferred over.” Like...what? I happened to also get a new phone this week and did not check to make sure his number transferred over 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/03/20 12:25 PM |
| 46 | Are we still in mercury retrograde? Because guess who came back.Girllll idk if it’s mercury retrograde or Coronavirus but my lvm ex fiancé just sent me an email on Thursday completely out of the blue! After being no contact that he requested! Literally reaching out because “the world is a scary place right now and it’s putting a lot into perspective and he’s worried and cares about me” 🙄 national emergency does not give you the right to contact me 🤦🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/20 09:11 PM |
| 1 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!It’s so crazy to me this is a common thing. Until this guy, i’d never run across it before. And it confuses the heck out of me. But it’s so interesting to hear how much crap like this happens to others too. It’s sad really. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/20 03:28 PM |
| 1 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!It’s wild!! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/20 11:04 AM |
| 2 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!Good advice! That’s definitely where I’m at. A little bit struggling letting go of who I thought they were but logically knowing it is totally off limits and a horrible idea. Thanks! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/03/20 12:00 AM |
| 13 | Never going to date a broke man ever again.I only want to add that I think this depends on the guys situation. For example, working minimum wage and spending money on video games and being broke is bad. Working a 100k+ job with growth trajectory and using that salary to aggressively pay off student loans at a faster than scheduled rate, which then leaves you broke every month, is a different story. It depends on the purpose and intent I think. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/20 05:10 PM |
| 3 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!You are correct. I am so incredibly lucky that I started to wise up and come out of the fog before any commitments were made. For the longest time I was the one pushing for marriage - his constant breakups were probably a blessing in disguise to get me enough time to really realize what was happening. Thank you for replying, it’s incredibly validating. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/20 12:15 PM |
| 8 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!Oh this is amazing. Thank you! When I first read the email and smelled bullshit, I thought, have I become a hardened person? But no, it really is just a load of crap that I’m reading it as. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 13/03/20 03:42 AM |
| 15 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!This is perfect!!! I laughed so hard. Thank you! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/20 11:46 PM |
| 20 | LADIES HELP!!! LVM Ex Fiance sent me this e-mail - I turn to you so I don't reply!Whyyy??? Like why do you now care because of this. It’s ridiculous. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/03/20 11:30 PM |
| 7 | My life after my breakup.Congratulations! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/20 07:26 PM |
| 14 | Got divorced today and noticed something interestingFor the men who do initiate divorce, what are their reasons? Do we know? I’m curious. My very limited experience includes dating a guy who was married, claimed he was leaving his wife, and then actually did. I left him too because he was a complete nightmare, I just don’t understand why he ever left his wife in the first place. He pays out the butt in child support and alimony, as she maintains SAHM status. Three kids, one special needs. From what I gathered he never did much of the child rearin… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/03/20 12:02 AM |
| 74 | How Much is He Costing You?I know we’re talking a lot about cash here, but the emotional cost can not be understated. It’s costing you your health, your mind, your sanity, and often $$ as well if you can’t perform your best at work or if he’s holding you back from a new job/promotion. Protect your mental and emotional health at all costs!!! You can make more money - you cannot get back time spent in turmoil. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/03/20 03:07 PM |
| 10 | “Relationships are hard” is a myth spread by pickmes who find validation in struggle love.Ugh thank you for this. I always ask myself now, is this adding value to my life? Is this man providing emotional support value, does he truly support my career, is he adding to our lives financially, is he bringing sociability to the table, etc. majority of the time, the answer is no, and I could do better in these areas alone than trying to handle myself while ALSO dealing with their emotional problems, their issues with my career, etc. it’s just not worth it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 08/03/20 11:29 PM |
| 20 | QUEEN SHITThis. I was with a guy who did MAJORITY of the things on this list. Saving this post. Thank you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/03/20 02:36 AM |
| 3 | Keep it to Yourself - Kacey MusgravesMy favorite lines: You heard from your friends That I'm doing okay And you're thinking, that maybe you made a mistake And you want me to know But I don't wanna know How you're feeling | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/03/20 01:55 AM |
| 15 | Marry a man you'd be happy for your sons to turn out likeTotally agree. The other one I’ve heard is don’t have kids with a man who you wouldn’t trust to raise them how you’d like if you were to pass. Both that, and who I wanted my children to turn out like, kept me from making a very very bad decision and marrying and having a baby with an awful emotionally abusive man (despite his insistent pushing). | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 06/03/20 02:14 AM |
| 18 | To all the lvm out there...Why do guys call us intimidating, particularly if they’re older/higher power position/have career success etc? I never got this. I’m successful myself, but don’t think of myself or other people as intimidating really ever. Is it to make us self conscious and take on more meek or agreeable qualities? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 05/03/20 01:40 AM |
| 29 | How to tell if you are dating a douchbroOmg thisssss. The guys friends are such a red flag for me now. The few times I hung out with my ex’s friends, they purposely talked about his ex wife in front of me, talked about the various girls they were with, talked about ex’s first wedding and what they were going to do at ours (we were engaged at the time), it was awful. I felt so disrespected and humiliated and he never said a word to them at the time. Afterwards as I break down crying in the car on the way home, he gives me the, what’s w… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/02/20 01:58 PM |
| 1 | Practice FDS - watch the LVM expose themselves. A story of the lowest effort exposure ever (texting....)That’s so weird! But I guess good that we find out 🤷🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 09:22 PM |
| 14 | Practice FDS - watch the LVM expose themselves. A story of the lowest effort exposure ever (texting....)Agreed, that principle on this sub has been a lifesaver in keeping me from him. It’s so interesting to do this tiny little test after the fact, and show me really clearly how awful he is 😬 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 03:03 PM |
| 19 | Eight signs your partner is sexually coerciveHmmm. I once had a guy get really gropey while I was sleeping. Or i’d wake up to him touching me. Once he even TOLD me he had tried to have sex with me during the night, and I had no recollection of this because I was sleeping!! He never did anything “that bad”, but hearing me say “that bad” makes me think the other stuff, the touching and the attempts, were actually pretty bad.... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 22/02/20 02:51 PM |
| 12 | The trash took itself outI have 100% fallen for this 🤦🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 19/02/20 06:49 AM |
| 12 | A friendly reminder that Mercury is in retrograde...don’t slip up 😂I like that one. Mine is in my phone as “NOTHING” 😂 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 07:03 PM |
| 1 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.I can’t thank everyone enough for replying to this today. I’ve struggled this weekend and was in a particularly bad place this morning, nearly reaching back out to this guy. Instead, I decided to come here for help, support, advice and validation. And I was not disappointed. This group of powerful women is incredible. I’m hopeful today has helped get me over a hump in the recovery and healing process. I’ll be rereading everything in the handbook. This group is amazing and I sincerely cannot than… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 02:22 AM |
| 8 | It's over.I’m so sorry. But at least you realized it sooner rather than later. And hopefully you can start the process of healing ASAP. You’re strong, and you’ll be strong on the other side of this. Try to just take care of yourself and turn to this group if you feel yourself sliding back - that’s what I’m trying to do. Best wishes to you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 12:50 AM |
| 1 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Thank you! Love the support of this group ❤️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 18/02/20 12:09 AM |
| 3 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Good point, outside of this, there’s not a single person I know I don’t want to be in the same room with. I’m afraid to ask how you know 😬 but I am hoping that you are doing better. I hope to get there myself some day. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 10:57 PM |
| 5 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Thank you for writing all of this. And I hear everything you’re saying. It’s so helpful to have you point these things out. My mind reels me in though, and I read your words and say to myself, oh he only has his kids every other weekend so it’s not that bad, and oh he makes tons of money so that won’t ever be an issue. Like that’s how I’m talking myself into being so hesitant to move forward I guess? If that makes sense. It’s mental gymnastics, and I know that. It’s so difficult to separate from… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 09:25 PM |
| 3 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Omg, thank you. I’m so sorry this happened to you too. These also used to come as emails until I demanded he stop emailing me. It’s crazy to me the two could use such similar phrases. That’s really scary. I hope you are doing okay as well. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 09:09 PM |
| 39 | Triangulation is a big, red flagI have completely fallen for this tactic multiple times and only recently started to see it for what it is, and refuse to participate in this. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 09:07 PM |
| 4 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.I think that’s my problem. I think it’s manipulative and gaslighting, but then I doubt myself and think maybe it’s not those things, maybe I’m the problem. Maybe he’s being rational and I’m being mean and unforgiving. Which I guess, therein lies the problem... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 08:36 PM |
| 5 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Yes. This is how it’s always been in our relationship. These really long emotional messages. At the beginning he used to send them to me all night long, like into 3, 4am territory. Until I finally had to seriously enforce a boundary (that took months to really enforce) that I needed to sleep and that wasn’t okay. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 08:35 PM |
| 6 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Well I did actually get the ring finally, and I do still have it. He initiated the final breakup so I definitely kept it at least. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 08:33 PM |
| 8 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.That is exactly what I’m trying to do! This group is amazing, I’m so thankful to have found it. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 07:17 PM |
| 11 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.I mean I guess I never really will know? He had been talking to an ex during the time we were together (an ex from literally 12 years ago, I forgot to mention he’s ten years older than I am), and I’d called him out numerous times on it but it was still happening. He called me her name one night too and blamed it on his football injuries to his head (she and I share a first initial). After he did finally give that to me, in the year we were on again off again engaged, I snooped through his phone … | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 06:54 PM |
| 35 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Yea unfortunately he did that with my engagement ring too. Told me he had it, sent me a purchase confirmation, sent me a snapshot of it, and then refused to give it to me for months. After I was tired of his games and left him the first time, I allowed myself to get sucked back in when he finally actually did propose. This has been a nightmare of a roller coaster. You ladies are so validating. I was in a bad emotional spot this morning and needed this :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 06:00 PM |
| 21 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.I left out back story so I could get an honest read on these messages, but basically, he was finalizing his divorce from his ex wife in 2018 and had a habit of breaking up with me probably 2x per week when I was trying to be supportive. His family was upset with him, I offered for him to stay with me anytime he needed, I offered my own family’s support, I was there for him 100% and he still kept leaving. When we first started dating, his ex was apparently pregnant with their 3rd child which he n… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 05:59 PM |
| 6 | I can’t tell if these messages are sincere or manipulative and I’ve been ruminating all weekend.Thank you. To be fair, I didn’t want to see him as I’ve been trying to do NC, so the texting was definitely more directed by me not wanting to have in person contact. But, thank you. All of these comments are helping me see it for what it is. He is most definitely incredibly charming - part of my problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 05:56 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone experienced an ex making fake or real social media accounts and then deleting them?The weird this is I hardly ever post! The last post was from like three months ago, pictures I had sent him directly anyways 😂 the whole thing is just soooo strange to me. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 04:05 PM |
| 7 | I Was The Best WomanYes! Keep expressing! I saved your post so I can look back on it again, it’s that good! And thank you, always great to hear we’re not alone - this sub is so supportive! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 02:00 AM |
| 35 | I Was The Best WomanYou have no idea how much I needed to read this today. Thank you. I’ve spent the weekend missing a LVM man and worrying I might be missing out on something great and worrying who he’ll end up with and worrying if I’m making the right decision in staying away from him. He said this to me too, and it’s so validating to read your words. Keep writing, keep sharing here. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 17/02/20 01:18 AM |
| 31 | You’re not boring, so why would you date boring LVM? 🤷🏽♀️I also tend to think going to the gym 3x a day is not a hobby...is that me being overly critical? | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 05:12 PM |
| 40 | Men get a 'free pass' of being abusive and not putting in effort due to an ex they hadAgreed! My Nex got cheated on by his college gf/fiancé, who got pregnant with the other mans baby. I agree this is completely terrible and awful. But it was also 20 years ago (this man is near 40 now). And he still blames that as the reason he is insecure and jealous. If you haven’t sought help in 20 years and it still affects you that much, that seems like a problem. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 04:42 PM |
| 5 | His past relationships are the best way for you to reliably determine his character.The phone tilting. Omg. This happened to me too. Like I see what you’re doing. After I once snooped through his phone, I found him texting an ex gf from like 12 years ago that she “wished their sex life could just be between them.” He promised he cut off all contact and I tried to make it work...but he still did the phone tilt!!! I wised up to that. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 04:35 PM |
| 5 | His past relationships are the best way for you to reliably determine his character.I 100% fell for the dude in distress spiel. His wife who stayed at home with their kids (one of whom was autistic) and was pregnant just never had time for him and didn’t care about him and only wanted his money and was “horrible”....yea right. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 04:33 PM |
| 3 | His past relationships are the best way for you to reliably determine his character.I don’t think that being able to commit in prior relationships is a good indicator. My Nex was engaged once and married once before becoming engaged to me. But it’s the backstory he told that alarmed me. Got engaged the first time in college because she pressured him to and he went along with it. Turns out she was pregnant with her ex’s baby. Then he got married to his ex wife because he thought he was at an age he should but told me he never loved her. He tried to divorce her in their first yea… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 04:27 PM |
| 17 | IMO insecurity is the biggest thing you should avoid in a man. What are some signs of insecurity that youve noticed???My Nex would always tell me how I felt. Tell me if i was upset (when I was perfectly fine), tell me that I didn’t love him, that I didn’t want to be with him, that I’d leave him because everyone always left. I constantly reassured and praised him - I’m guessing he just wanted an ego boost? Or if I was having a bad day, not related to him just having a crappy day we all sometimes do, he’d say that he could never do anything right or he could never make me happy, and somehow I ended up apologizing… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 04:09 PM |
| 2 | Has anyone experienced an ex making fake or real social media accounts and then deleting them?I can’t believe this is a common thing. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 16/02/20 01:36 AM |
| 4 | Poor him. It must’ve been so hard for him. She should have been more understanding...This sort of happened to me. Technically the child was conceived before we started dating, but I didn’t know about it. So I was dating this guy for about 6 months without knowing he had a child on the way. I found out via google and confronted him. He couldn’t tell me because he “loved me so much, needed me, was too afraid to lose me”. Also said he hoped the baby wouldn’t make it so he didn’t have to tell me about it. Also said the woman (ex wife) tricked him and lied about being on BC. Not once… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 11:19 PM |
| 4 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)Omg! My Nex also hand wrote me a five page letter! Also about how sorry he was, how I was perfect for him, how he’d always be there for me, etc. it’s so crazy to see other people’s stories on here and see how perfectly they line up with mine - creepy really. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 11:13 PM |
| 7 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)I started taking screenshots of our text convos and saving them to Dropbox. I knew the things he said weren’t okay but without realizing what it was called at the time, I instinctively felt him gaslighting me and wanted evidence. After a few big discards and me stupidly still trying to make it work, he kept insisting I delete the Dropbox and it upset him and he didn’t know why I needed it. I didn’t delete it and we didn’t end up working. I think if you feel the need to record or save conversatio… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 05:58 PM |
| 3 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)That’s crazy! I had a feeling that’s where this was leading. He was/is pressuring me to marry him now and buy a house together now....yet a year ago when I wanted to get married (deep in the throes of the mental manipulation) he never would actually go do it. Yet now that he’s been seeing other people for a few months, NOW he’s ready to make that commitment? After he broke off our engagement? Seems so fishy. And yes. I feel awful for the ex wife. She’s a SAHM, one of their kids has autism. I nev… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 05:33 PM |
| 3 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)What I started to think, largely thanks to reading this sub. His 3rd kid was also born while we were together (I had NO IDEA ex wife was pregnant at the time we got together, found out on google and confronted him), so there was really no way I could ever be a parental figure to that child. At best I could tolerate, but I think the whole situation was just too bad to stay. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 05:07 PM |
| 3 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)Haha well, he’s an every other weekend dad and when he does have the kids, they all stay at his parents house. He needs his mothers help to watch them so he can go to the gym 3x a day 🙄 | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 05:02 PM |
| 5 | After 6 months of no contact The wild narcissist appears. 5 years of nothing but sacrifice for a man. It feels good to know he’s upset his power is gone. “You deserve, but I probably can’t” lmao I know. Always that making a negative seem positive. (You ladies have done wonders showing me the light)Omg I used to get messages like this from my ex narc too! It’s so validating to see other’s stories on here. He tells me “I need you” too. This man is 37 with three children...I’m 27, bro you don’t need me. This last time I refused to recommit to our relationship until we built trust back up (I don’t trust him). He thought I should commit now and we can work on trust later. Someone here told me “trust doesn’t work like credit, there’s no advances.” So I held firm in saying no. He asked me not to… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 04:28 PM |
| 2 | “When someone can discard a relationship the way a narcissist does, that means they were never really in the relationship to begin with. They were never really in it the way you were in it.”It’s Stephanie Lyn on YouTube! I believe this was the video (I watched a bunch yesterday). I’m really enjoying her content lately. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2xwTiGlE2Fg | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 15/02/20 02:57 PM |
| 12 | “When someone can discard a relationship the way a narcissist does, that means they were never really in the relationship to begin with. They were never really in it the way you were in it.”Of course! That should always be the case. I just happened to hear that in a podcast today, hoping it might help some people trying to move forward from a difficult relationship. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/20 09:33 PM |
| 9 | How are you celebrating you Galentines or Valentines day?I purchased some new diamond earrings and a beautiful black diamond ring for myself! I work hard and decided if I want nice jewelry, no need to wait for someone else to buy it for me. I’ll get it myself! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/20 05:19 PM |
| 3 | Weekly FDS Chat, Check-In, Quick Questions Answered: VALENTINE'S DAY 2020 EDITION 💜Yay! I did the same and bought myself some new diamond earrings! We can spoil ourselves :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 14/02/20 03:11 PM |
| 22 | Man spends 10 months with a woman while another woman is pregnant with his child.Holy shit. This exact thing happened to me. My Nex didn’t tell me his soon to be ex wife was pregnant with their third. We were together for about 6 months, I’m fully invested at this point, he’d said I love you, etc. I found out about it by Googling. Confronted him. And he told me he couldn’t tell me because he was too afraid to lose me. All about him. I told him he kept crucial information from me and basically made decisions for me. I was hooked by that point. The kicker, he also told me he h… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/20 11:15 PM |
| 45 | And supposedly we’re the ones that are gold diggers.I take a man not wanting to sign a pre nup as a bad sign. I was shocked at the hissy fit my Nex threw when I suggested it when we were discussing marriage. Seemed like the most normal thing to me but he insisted it meant I didn’t see us as joining as a unit and I didn’t trust him. Nope, I did not...no reason for him to care about my money unless it’s for the wrong reason. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 12/02/20 11:10 PM |
| 3 | A Whole Truckload of Red Flags: Age gap, "surprise" pregnancy, marriage turns into dead bedroom because now 44 year-old man obsessed with jailbait porn and doesn't want wifeI wish I’d known this when I was in my young 20s and knew that the “you’re so mature for your age” lines were so common. I was 24, he was 34, and I fell for it. I know better now. Nightmare it turned out to be. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/20 07:28 PM |
| 26 | Focus on a mans character consistency and behaviour patterns, not just how he initially makes you ‘feel’ or what he ‘says’I SERIOUSLY needed this today. Missing a guy who dumped me while we were engaged multiple times - who even knows why I miss him. This was the slap I needed today. SAVED. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/20 05:30 PM |
| 13 | Man wants to leave his pregnant wife for young co-worker. The advice columnist really ripped him a new one!So, this was me. And hopefully sharing keeps one young lady from being me. I was the younger coworker. 24 to his 34. He said all of the exact same things: wife never paid attention to him, their marriage was bad, he only married her because he was at that age, he tried to divorce her once but his family pressured him to stay, he never felt like he ever did with me before, etc. wife was also pregnant with their 3rd at the time, but I had no idea. I found out on my own about 6 months in and confro… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 11/02/20 03:06 PM |
| 2 | Things I've noticed all of the men I've dated, or fell for, have in common...Whoa! That is crazy! In a weird way makes me feel better that this wasn’t some anomaly that happened to me and he actually is terrible... I hope you’re doing much better since then! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/20 10:05 PM |
| 5 | Things I've noticed all of the men I've dated, or fell for, have in common...Ugh I have to share. The problem ex wasn’t even his soon to be ex wife, it was a girl he dated literally a dozen years prior. He called her crazy, abusive, and an alcoholic. I caught him texting her multiple times, sending her things through Amazon while he was married (not to me), he called me her name as we were going to sleep one night, and I eventually snooped through his phone and found a message from her that said “why can’t our sex life be just between us.” That was the straw that broke t… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 10/02/20 05:13 AM |
| 7 | What FDS principle has helped you the most?Bingo | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/20 08:28 PM |
| 11 | What FDS principle has helped you the most?Yea, I don’t think this was an HVM thing. The paragraphs came when we were arguing or broken up/he was trying to get me back, etc. they were filled with nice words mixed in, but I think for the wrong reasons. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/20 08:21 PM |
| 96 | What FDS principle has helped you the most?Never take back someone who has broken up with you. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/20 08:13 PM |
| 23 | What FDS principle has helped you the most?Why do men paragraph us? I’ve dealt with someone who would send novel texts, several pages emails, etc. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 09/02/20 08:12 PM |
| 11 | “You can’t let a healthy hypothetical keep you attached to a toxic reality.”It means don’t stay in a bad relationship because you are hoping, wishing, that maybe some day the person will change and then it can all be good. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 07/02/20 02:24 PM |
| 8 | Dodged an attempt to turn me into a PickMe and create jealousy. Being “gone” was after I was dumped by him. He’s upset I won’t easily commit to him and I insisted on building trust and moving slowly. Since I refuse to give in to his demands, back to NC, and out of my life 🤦🏻♀️I know! I’m finally starting to see it for what it is thanks to a lot of you. This was about 10% of the entire message he sent 🤦🏻♀️ so long on an iPhone you actually had to click into the message to read it... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/20 06:30 PM |
| 22 | Dodged an attempt to turn me into a PickMe and create jealousy. Being “gone” was after I was dumped by him. He’s upset I won’t easily commit to him and I insisted on building trust and moving slowly. Since I refuse to give in to his demands, back to NC, and out of my life 🤦🏻♀️I hate to say, but this is not the first time the “fake breakup” happened. This is probably #5 or #6. But it is the one that I actually took seriously and because of this fabulous group, have not fallen for going back to. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/20 06:29 PM |
| 21 | Dodged an attempt to turn me into a PickMe and create jealousy. Being “gone” was after I was dumped by him. He’s upset I won’t easily commit to him and I insisted on building trust and moving slowly. Since I refuse to give in to his demands, back to NC, and out of my life 🤦🏻♀️Right?! Not going to compete with other women. Good luck with that 🤷🏻♀️ | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 02/02/20 05:42 PM |
| 22 | Early warning signs he’s low value when datingWe all needed this. Thank you. Would have saved me a lot of heartache. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 30/01/20 10:26 PM |
| 65 | Instead of Updating My Dating Profiles I Updated My Resume...When I was in college, Lady Gaga gave an interview to Elle magazine. I ripped this quote out and hung it above my bed, and read it every day. It has never failed me. “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.” | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 29/01/20 03:31 AM |
| 1 | Distinguishing HVM vs LVM when they display both traits...Thank you :) | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/20 03:32 AM |
| 2 | Distinguishing HVM vs LVM when they display both traits...So true, thank you for the support! | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/20 03:20 AM |
| 1 | Distinguishing HVM vs LVM when they display both traits...Ugh, my thought too. I know he communicated with that ex while married too, I saw him sending her things in his Amazon account during his marriage (prior to me knowing him). That’s why I always had red flags up about this particular woman. I didn’t include this, but he also called me her name one evening (we share a first initial) - blaming it on his CTE (long time football player). I cringe typing this now... | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/20 02:52 AM |
| 2 | Distinguishing HVM vs LVM when they display both traits...Thank you. I have heard of and read a good chunk of the book. I always struggle since it seems like that’s the type of person he is, but then I say to myself, well he isn’t that bad as some of the examples...I definitely doubt and second guess myself. | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/20 02:48 AM |
| 1 | Distinguishing HVM vs LVM when they display both traits...Thank you so much, I think I’m definitely idealizing a situation or holding onto what if’s and what could be instead of what is. Thank you for the words :) ETA: Question I just thought of...does it change things if he’s the one who left the wife and kids? She did not file for divorce, he attempted to leave multiple times over the decade long marriage. That’s part of the reason I’m so hesitant to believe he’d actually stick around. You ladies’ advice is really helping me avoid him and avoid getti… | /r/FemaleDatingStrategy | 27/01/20 02:47 AM |
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