Low value behaviour from men is 100% intentional, they know what they're doing

PhospholipidB · 2020-04-12T13:38:21+00:00

My gut feeling is that deep down he HATES that she worked at a stripper. He needs to see her squirm and suffer, so he's intentionally prodding her to trigger her discomfort response. Maybe he needs that reassurance that she still dislikes that part of her history?

He may say he loves her, but I'd doubt it. Love means acceptance, and he clearly can't accept she did this.

I would be willing to bet he does this underhanded thing about other stuff, too. Give him time. Usually men like this are so out of touch with their real feelings and/or so fearful of being authentic, this is how they cope. If you put him in therapy, he would struggle with understanding any idea why he does this.

It is intentional in the sense he is responsible for his behavior and he keeps doing it. But it's a dealbreaker not because the one little thing is rude but because it's a huge red flag he isnt accepting, is out of touch with his own feelings, and has maladaptive coping.

lilith1993 · 2020-04-12T12:59:18+00:00

Meanwhile he’s in the bathroom hiding and jacking off to women who also aren’t using their real name. The irony

lilith1993 · 2020-04-12T09:58:17+00:00

Full text in case it gets deleted:

I(23F) used to work at a strip club and bartend. Men can be crazy so I went by a different name. Let’s say, Giannina.

But I’ve also worked for gyms, offices, law firms, daycares and cell phone companies.

To put in perspective, it’s not been my only job. I lasted a year in the industry and went to work at night clubs.

I’m a senior in college.

I met my boyfriend (23/M) a couple months back. He’s a good Christian man. He treats me well and is very loving. When we met IN SCHOOL, I was still working at the club. I told him all about it and told him my club name. He never saw me at the club.

He was open minded about it all.

Since quarantine stopped school and work, i have been staying with him for over a month. He’s been calling Giannina, Gia and whatever other nickname for that around.

I told him I don’t like it. I’ll get upset when he calls me by it. I’ll explain that I used that name so that local men wouldn’t find me on social media.

Yet he still does. We have a home gym. I was working out just minutes ago, no reference to bartending. Not role play, and he’s like “hey Giannina”

Either he’ll call me the name or will hint about it through the day. It almost feels like regardless any accomplishment, I’m still a strip club bartender going by a different name.

How can I go about making a point to not call me that anymore?

TLDR: My boyfriend calls me by a fake alias name I used bartending at a strip club, and he won’t stop.

Silvasister · 2020-04-12T10:48:19+00:00

I saw a comment from another redditor on here the other day that said if someone is really sorry they wouldn't do it in the first place. Someone's repeated disrespect is 100% intentional, they know they can get away with it. It's the whole asking for forgiveness is easier than permission, so they're just doing it knowing that it's easy to get to their partners good side and they can continue to be an a-hole with no restrictions.

MagicAte_8 · 2020-04-12T19:19:08+00:00

They describe their partner as great and loving apart from this one issue, which is always intentional disrespect.

1000%!

No amount of cOmMuNiCaTiOn can, or ever will, fix intentional malice!

SeaNegotiation8 · 2020-04-12T20:08:37+00:00

The comments on that post getting upvoted the most are all suggesting that she cOmMuNiCaTe wITh HiM.

She’s already freaking done that.

The entire onus of responsibility for communicating always seems to be placed on the woman’s shoulders, doesn’t it?

Meanwhile, her boyfriend is communicating, too. Loud and clear. He’s communicating his blatant disrespect for her wishes, and he’s communicating that he thinks her discomfort is amusing to him, and that he enjoys making her the butt of a joke.

Dumphisass2020

GraveyardH2020 · 2020-04-12T14:52:26+00:00

Story time. This concept is 100% true. My ex has been messaging me since this virus started (yes I know, block him). We were talking about some major relationship issues yesterday, and I pointed out how hurtful something he did was (still living with his ex wife during the beginning of us dating). He said he knew it was hurtful and felt guilty about it every day. So I say, you knew it was hurtful, you still did it, and this is exactly why I don’t believe you care about me. He couldn’t seem to grasp this concept, and I pointed out multiple examples of this. Where he now says the things he did weren’t okay, I’d ask if they were okay at the time he did them, he’d say no, and I’m like 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ he knew every time how hurtful something would be and did it anyways. Why would I believe someone doing that loved me?

Buckley92 · 2020-04-13T01:05:03+00:00

So what I’d do in this situation is start calling him my ex’s name and make it our little ‘funny inside joke’ because ‘I just liked that name better and I thought it suited him better.’ I’d choose the ex that was addicted to crystal meth and make sure to tell him that too.

Title	Low value behaviour from men is 100% intentional, they know what they're doing
Author	lilith1993
Upvotes	233
Comments	27
Date	April 12, 2020 9:57 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fzu2jy/low_value_behaviour_from_men_is_100_intentional/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/low-value-behaviour-from-men-is-100-intentional.692745 https://theredarchive.com/post/692745

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Dumphisass2020