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GrayCalf Archive

View 2 posts and 186 comments by GrayCalf on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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1

Hopefully you're making her life hell in the meantime.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/26 08:48 PM
9

I think you did the right thing. I haven't dealt with my ex in a few years, but unless it was a legal issue I didn't respond. That would have 100% applied to any boyfriend of hers dumb enough to contact me. Thankfully, even they weren't that dumb.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/26 03:41 AM
4

I really didn't feel that way. I had suspicions for awhile, but when I was finally ready to deal with it, I just hopped on her laptop and zeroed in on the evidence. It didn't take me long to find it. And after that, I was angry and mobilized. I went to work separating finances, canceling services, and seeking legal advice. I pieced together who the other person was, and what she had been doing. So, no real shock... But the residual anger lasted for probably 12 to 18 months. It's amazing what I w…
/r/Divorce_Men07/09/25 04:17 AM
8

The easiest and likely safest way is to just wait until after the divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/25 12:50 PM
3

Perhaps a cactus or some other low maintenance plant.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 02:03 AM
18

You should probably just get a puppy for companionship at this point.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:30 PM
7

Seems amicable because you keep rolling over. In other words, it's amicable for her, and as soon as it isn't, you're in trouble.
/r/Divorce_Men10/08/25 12:25 AM
4

Fortune favors the bold. Time for you to be bold and take the initiative.
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/25 01:15 AM
0

She did all that and you didn't notice?? OP, you need to find your backbone and your eyes. It seems like she's been walking all over you, and you haven't noticed until now. Good luck. And keep that backbone.
/r/Divorce_Men26/04/25 09:12 PM
9

The fact you're polling us on this indicates bigger issues. Stop being a doormat. (if this is even real. It reads like ChatGPT. Especially with the use of the semi-colons.)
/r/Divorce_Men25/04/25 12:00 PM
10

I'm on no terms with my ex. So that's good right?
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 10:04 PM
2

How do I be happy for her? Tough since I don't even think about her.
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/24 02:28 AM
2

Make nice and get your ducks in a row implies that OP should play nice and bide his time. Prepare for the inevitable.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:52 AM
2

Take some time to prepare if you think it will help, but there comes a point where you need to just rip the band-aid off. It might be expensive, but you know what? At least you won't have to ride a bus 8 hours home because of a BS temper tantrum.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/24 03:21 AM
1

After the divorce she lived in a van down by the river. Granted, I paid for that van. But I kept the house and everything else.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/24 05:23 AM
3

The day she was out I left my cereal box on the dining room table. Because I could. Then I redecorated and put the recliner directly in front of the TV. Because I could. She had spent all the money, so that's all I could do at the time. And it was enough.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/24 08:45 PM
5

$3k for the divorce, $10k for her vehicle after. Quite a steal eh?
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/24 02:59 AM
6

She's slept with more men than I have friends... 🤢
/r/Divorce_Men10/06/24 03:27 AM
4

Two years after my wife cheated on me, I hardly gave her a second thought. Find your own things to do. Have hobbies, see friends. Don't sit in the corner feeling bad for yourself -- there's literally billions of women. And you don't need one to survive.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/24 04:15 AM
9

The only winning move is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men01/04/24 05:37 PM
2

I paid $3k. It's the only time I've won the lottery. I am thankful for it everyday, and I played all my cards right in order to make it happen. I also had no kids. Got it done while her affair partner (and the drugs) were sweeping her off her feet. My heart goes out to everyone who is in more complicated situations like yours with children. I can't even imagine how tough it is.
/r/Divorce_Men13/01/24 06:26 AM
2

Pull the plug. So you don't end up with any more of her surprises.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/23 08:46 PM
3

Well, that is certainly your belief.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/23 02:16 AM
5

I know the feeling. I went so far as to talk to the doctor about it after the divorce because I was concerned I might have trouble when I met someone new. It wasn't me. And I have not had trouble since.
/r/Divorce_Men17/08/23 04:35 AM
3

I went from having $500 to my name and a mountain of debt to being able to afford a 6 month unpaid vacation in the course of about 3 years. I think it was also her...
/r/Divorce_Men12/08/23 11:33 PM
1

Probably when the new guy got convicted and sent to prison. Cannot confirm though, not in touch.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/23 01:37 AM
1

My suggestions to you are to: Follow your lawyer's advice Become at least somewhat knowledgeable on divorce and custody law in your area Prepare for war Show up for any court appearances or anything else, for the love of God More than likely, she can't ride your gravy train forever. Will you get your house back? Probably not. Will you be able to sell it and get some money? Possibly. But that's why you need to follow your lawyer's advice and know the laws for your area. And I'm sorry to pile on h…
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/23 12:30 AM
27

My ex-wife did that too. Now she's gone, and the guy she left me for will be in prison for several decades. I think I did okay in the end.
/r/Divorce_Men24/07/23 05:13 AM
1

The real question is, is that what you like? If you do, go for it! It's your money and your cake.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 03:29 PM
4

My advice is to make the party about the future, not the past. "To new beginnings" is cliche, but after my divorce, I had so many opportunities present themselves that I would have never been able to take because of her. So that's how I chose to look at it. You get to take the high road, and no one will think you're bitter or petty.
/r/Divorce_Men06/05/23 03:16 PM
1

You don't have to be separated a year. I did an amicable divorce and from start to finish, it took about a month. If you can keep it amicable, you'll save tons of time and money. We didn't have children though, so I can't help you there.
/r/Divorce_Men16/03/23 11:24 PM
1

You should have axed this long before you got married. Red flags abound. If she wants out, you should oblige her, she'll be doing you a favor. This relationship is a toxic mess.
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/23 07:06 AM
1

Absolutely. I dodged a bullet or two there.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/22 03:21 AM
0

You know this for a fact eh?
/r/Divorce_Men14/12/22 12:23 AM
0

Call the police and tell them? Messing with someone's mail is a big deal.
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/22 07:48 PM
15

You know why divorce is so expensive? Because it's worth it. Seriously though, you should decide if you've had enough. When you have, the price tag won't even factor into your decision.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/22 02:51 PM
6

Moving out is generally bad news. Luckily, my ex-wife did it. Made the process so much easier. In your case, I suggest you get a second opinion. I did when my first lawyer suggested I'd be paying alimony. Guess who did not pay alimony?
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/22 05:34 PM
8

You should probably write a list. Without context or details most of the questions we give you could be useless. Some categories to think about: - Marital Property - Money & income - Living Arrangements - Alimony - Kids & visitation - Timeframe - Strategies to save you time & money Oh, and make sure the lawyer actually seems like they'll act in your best interest. The first one I went to was terrible.
/r/Divorce_Men04/10/22 12:00 AM
4

If you were married, I'd urge you to hit the eject button because she has no respect for you and she's taking you for a ride metaphorically while riding her "ex" literally. I don't even comprehend the therapy part. This is the equivalent of getting therapy because your PS5 died. Just get another one. In this case, get another woman. Not so easy when you're married and lawyers are involved... But checking my notes here, you're not married. So why haven't you hit the eject button already? Run for …
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 04:20 AM
55

Be happy you have all that time with your kid. Many here would kill for the opportuinity to spend that much time with their children.
/r/Divorce_Men27/09/22 12:51 AM
30

Looks like she should be paying you alimony.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/22 11:53 PM
10

I was lonely before I got married. I was lonely as my marriage was nearing the end. I have never been lonely since the divorce more than 3 years ago. With movies, TV, games, books, friends, family, work and travel -- loneliness has never been an issue for me since D-Day. The freedom was worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/09/22 06:24 AM
1

Do you have a lawyer? If yes, have them deal with this. If no, get a lawyer. These questions are designed to wreck you.
/r/Divorce_Men11/08/22 11:43 PM
4

It takes time, but those feelings do subside. I still occasionally feel sad, but mostly pissed off at her for ruining so many opportunities I had to turn down because of her. It's been three years.
/r/Divorce_Men30/07/22 05:56 AM
26

Is this like golf where the lowest score wins? $361 for her van. Just a few months to go.
/r/Divorce_Men23/07/22 01:14 PM
11

Use anytime she is away to plan your divorce strategy. I took the time to close joint accounts, meet with lawyers, prepare documents, cancel services, and plan out the future. I did pretty good. I was divorced within a month, paid less than $5K, and kept pretty much everything. Speed is crucial though, you have to hit hard while she's still on the euphoria from the fling.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 03:09 AM
4

The devil is in the details. You can do what you want with your property. You just can't keep her out of the house.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 03:04 AM
1

I had some funny encounters with girls who wanted to be sugar babies after my divorce. One wanted me to pay her to spend time with me, but not have sex. I told her she doesn't understand men. I'm paying so I don't have to spend time with her before sex. I had another that basically haggled down to a couple dollars because she was so desperate. I'm no Brad Pitt, but with the three 6's and confidence, women come to me willingly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:29 AM
16

Encourage her to leave. Encourage her to make mistakes. You can't legally kick her out, but you could encourage it. You can also change the locks once she leaves. You can't keep her out, but you can certainly force her to call the cops to make you let her in. I used the time my ex was screwing around to change locks, garage code, put up security cameras (her man was a felon), and get the divorce rolling. She was in heaven with the new guy, and I used it to get everything I wanted in our divorce …
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/22 12:18 AM
47

Don't move out. Divorce is about never ceding ground willingly. Fight for everything you deserve and not one bit less. It'll be tough, but not as tough as leaving the house and losing any negotiating power along with it.
/r/Divorce_Men18/07/22 11:38 PM
1

I want to add that this applies to being an uncle as well. Being there for your nieces and nephews is a big deal, and they notice it too.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/22 06:03 PM
1

Absolutely agree on that!
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 08:05 PM
10

I rushed the process so I could get the most amicable terms possible in the divorce while she was in the honeymoon phase with her new boyfriend. It worked out well for me.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:41 PM
2

Probably never, but I don't think about it so much anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/22 06:40 PM
1

... you're in a sub where a lot of us end up with ex-wives. Do you know what none of us has? An ex-mother. Something to think about when you take sides instead of facilitating compromise. Sure, some mothers can be nuts, but again... There is no such thing as an ex-mother.
/r/Divorce_Men05/03/22 03:23 AM
13

You're probably entitled to half of everything, depending on your state. Remind her of that and leverage it as you see fit.
/r/Divorce_Men26/02/22 01:40 AM
13

If I had the opportunity, I would have thanked the ex's boyfriend for taking her off my hands.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 03:36 PM
3

My ex-wife did. 😆
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/22 04:39 AM
5

Unless it was thousands of dollars in tolls, it's not worth the time and effort. My ex ran a speed camera in the city in her vehicle post divorce, that still had me on the title. I paid it without even telling her. It wasn't worth the interaction, but it did get me to get myself off that title ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/22 11:40 PM
1

It'll be a bigger hit to your finances to get this wrong. If she's got one, you absolutely should have one too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 10:14 PM
3

Change the locks, get a lawyer, and get to work taking care of your needs and responsibilities. Her biggest mistake was leaving you with the house and kids; capitalize on it. You can make the case that you're the responsible parent who deserves full custody and the family home. Heck, you might even get child support out of her. But I wouldn't hold my breath on that one.
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/22 12:25 AM
10

If I were you, I would get s second opinion. I certainly did.
/r/Divorce_Men28/01/22 12:12 AM
3

Depends on the state, and it depends on how amicable the divorce is.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/22 05:52 AM
1

Tell her it could be worse. She could be living in her car. That's where my ex-wife ended up after I was done with her.
/r/Divorce_Men19/12/21 12:44 AM
2

I'm two years divorced now. When she left it was like tossing a boat anchor overboard. I went from having no money (she spent it all) to being able to save, get a new vehicle, and travel internationally. She "managed" our finances right into the ground. I don't miss it.
/r/Divorce_Men08/12/21 01:21 AM
7

Seriously though, to follow up on that... she's playing 4D chess and you think it's a game of checkers.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 03:06 AM
6

Someone likes the danger zone.
/r/Divorce_Men27/11/21 03:04 AM
2

You're in too deep at this point with children and the length of your marriage. Not sure what your financial situation is, but is getting laid worth disrupting your kids' lives and losing more than half of all your assets and income? Definitely not. Think of your kids first. And then as others have said, maybe marriage counseling may help. Maybe make some personal changes (and get your wife back to work). Take the bull by the horns per se and reignite that fire in your marriage. Alternatively, y…
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 11:53 PM
2

I canceled everything jointly in our name as soon as I caught her doing this. It still cost me a lot of money though. During the divorce, if she ever got uncooperative, I reminded her that her vehicle was in my name too. It would have been unfortunate if it had gone... missing. I wouldn't give her the spare keys until she signed our divorce papers. Hopefully you have some leverage you can "remind" your ex about.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 06:07 AM
4

That's crazy. When my now ex-wife left, it felt like I had been let out of prison. I could go anywhere, see anyone, and at whatever time I decided. Don't get me wrong, I had nightmares and lost a lot of weight, but still... making my own financial and life decisions again felt GOOD! I also have a ton of hobbies, so I was never bored -- even though I had little money from her taking it all.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/21 06:01 AM
4

Dump her. Talk to a psychologist. Be yourself. Oh and this wasn't the right sub. I think that covers everything.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/21 09:44 PM
2

Never wrestle with a pig. It gets mud all over you and the pig likes it. Show her you don't care, and you'll have "won."
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/21 04:14 AM
1

No experience, just a question -- would your wife be more upset getting a divorce or catching you cheating?
/r/Divorce_Men28/09/21 10:15 PM
16

You need a lawyer, and depending on where you're at... you could be looking at receiving money from her. She can't just cut you off -- unless you let her.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/21 10:38 PM
20

I agree, if you can, get that divorce done ASAP while she's on the emotional high. I knocked mine out in a month, before her life bottomed out and all her "friends" disappeared because she couldn't afford to buy them booze on my dollar anymore.
/r/Divorce_Men01/09/21 11:17 PM
1

Talk to a different lawyer. Find out what they think. Does their thinking match yours? If you don't trust your lawyer's judgement, don't stick around until you're completely screwed to do something about it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/21 11:37 PM
2

I had nightmares for about a month, but functionally, I was fine from day 1. I was angry, but not seething angry.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/21 05:43 PM
1

Given it was the early 80s... probably 100 or so.
/r/Divorce_Men08/08/21 05:56 PM
8

This was my goto when my ex tried to hit me up for money.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 04:10 PM
11

"No, as per our agreement I will have them for Christmas."-- if you're not interested in any compromise. You don't need to say anything else about it.
/r/Divorce_Men07/08/21 03:48 PM
4

The only winning move is not to play.
/r/Divorce_Men06/08/21 11:37 AM
1

You say that like I didn't let her have a job. Hah.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 04:56 PM
1

Op my question to you is this -- how do YOU feel about this deal? To different people it means different things. If you're happy with these terms then you're all set.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 05:06 AM
3

My ex-wife seemed to think the day job did not count as work, even though my job is what paid for everything. She sat around the huge house all day that I bought her, rarely doing housework, while mostly watching TV and wasting money and driving the car I also bought her. ...and she still wasn't happy.
/r/Divorce_Men27/07/21 04:40 AM
16

You said you had a marriage ceremony, but didn't get any paperwork to make it a legal marriage. What was the point of the marriage ceremony if you weren't "really" married in at least someone's mind? I'm pretty sure that ceremony is what did you in. It sucks that now you have to pay out, but again... what was the point of the ceremony?
/r/Divorce_Men19/07/21 06:37 PM
1

I was not generous and I was not kind. I hired a lawyer but had a plan from the beginning. The only time I waited for things to happen was when they were 100% out of my control. I did pretty well in the end. The divorce took a month, and all I had to do was pay for her vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men14/07/21 04:50 PM
1

Well... I'm convinced. /s
/r/Divorce_Men03/07/21 03:13 AM
7

I think the most important part is that the lawyer fully understood the process, made sure I didn't miss anything in the divorce agreement, and brought his experience to the table. The divorce was amicable, and I only spent $4,000 to get it finished in a month. How is that not worth it? Op can try to go it alone without a lawyer, but be prepared to do a lot more reading and extra work. Also, the longer you take, the longer she has to change her mind.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 09:25 PM
4

I always suggest a lawyer. I had an amicable divorce that took about a month. Even then I had a lawyer to review everything, notarize documents, and represent me in court. It cost about $4000 and was absolutely worth it.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 04:18 PM
9

I'm confused about #6. You have children but you don't want to help with them and you'd like to come and go as you please. Are you just planning to dump them off on her? If you're unhappy with your wife and it's irreconcilable , go get a divorce. Too late on the complete freedom though, you have children. Unless you're planning to divorce them too...? If that's the case, she deserves every penny she extracts from you.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/21 04:00 PM
8

Pretty sure my ex-wife said something like this. Now there's a warrant out for his arrest for committing multiple felonies. Swell guy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/06/21 08:58 PM
4

I dumped my boat anchor coming up on two years ago. Paid off $25K in debt AND bought a new truck. I don't miss the boat anchor.
/r/Divorce_Men09/06/21 03:04 PM
7

Your kids are forever. If anyone has a problem that you're doing something right for your kids, tell 'em to take a hike.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/21 05:35 PM
3

I was mostly over her when I kicked her out. The writing was on the wall months in advance. I did have nightmares of her disappearing in crowds or anywhere really, but that was probably the worst of it. As soon as I kicked her out, every comversation was purely business... Car titles, divorce papers, and tax refunds. I had some fun dates within a month to stoke my ego a bit too. My situation was rather unique though, and I'm not overly emotional to begin with. If it was truly over, they wouldn't…
/r/Divorce_Men03/06/21 08:02 PM
3

As long as this sub-reddit focuses on helping our fellow brothers survive the divorce process, I think it'll be just fine.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/21 12:05 AM
5

Good luck!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/21 07:01 PM
5

I think it's a bad mindset to think that she's "allowing" you to do anything. Once the divorce is set in motion, you're your own person and can do whatever you want. Just something to think about.
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 02:15 AM
2

Yes, but I was the one who hired the lawyer. My ex went along with it because she really didn't have a choice. We did a mutual consent divorce and my lawyer performed the notary duties while she was present. I'd be leery of being on the receiving end of thar though. Don't get screwed!
/r/Divorce_Men14/04/21 01:43 AM
1

When I got divorced I had a yard sale and then threw a bunch of her crap in the garbage. My freedom became truly tangible when I could walk around my own house with my shoes on without someone complaining about it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 05:46 AM
1

At least she's not asking you for money right? My ex had the chutzpah to ask for money to "cover rent" right after we split the stimulus check last year. I laughed. Then I filed it away with no response.
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 05:34 AM
1

My story is similar to yours. Coming up on two years of divorce, still live in the house we bought, stuck in the middle of nowhere at least an hour from the closest friends, about two hours when I need to head into the city for work, and even more to visit family. The ex is long gone though, and fortunately, I don't have kids with her. I think you have to ask yourself "what is it I want in life? What are my goals? What are my dreams?" That's what I've been thinking about very hard the past few m…
/r/Divorce_Men28/03/21 05:29 AM
4

Take a stand. It's clear she doesn't respect you. Trust your instinct and do what's right for you. Don't let this person screw you over.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/21 11:56 PM
8

Be thankful it only cost you $300 to find out what kind of woman you were dealing with. At the end of my marriage, my ex had taken thousands of dollars and maxed out our joint credit card. Others have had tens of thousands or more stolen from them. Good luck on your journey!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/21 10:57 AM
2

I kicked her out mid-July, and we were divorced by the end of August. I followed daily routines and kept busy with work for about six months after. I also spent a lot of time with friends and family. The divorce was easy, but it was hard losing the person I had known and loved. Drugs and alcohol turned her into a monster, and then she was gone. I had nightmares over her disappearing for weeks. I'm just thankful it all went down in 2019 and not 2020.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/21 05:25 AM
1

Crazy Train and Here I Go Again
/r/Divorce_Men08/03/21 01:44 AM
2

Has your attorney actually done any tangible work on your case?
/r/Divorce_Men04/03/21 11:47 PM
1

It's not an issue to date in your thirties as a man. If your life is halfway in order, you'll have no problem meeting new women.
/r/Divorce_Men21/02/21 06:09 PM
4

Sounds to me like you didn't get anything in the mail recently. :-) If you can, it may be beneficial to get in front of this and file first and have it happen in your jurisdiction instead of hers. Just my two cents.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/21 10:08 PM
3

Spend time with your son. Focus on your hobbies. Plan for what you want to do in the future. I knew it was over with my ex-wife when I started seeing all the things I could be doing with my life that she was holding me back from. I knew she was up to no good, but when that moment hit where I realized I would forever be happier without her, I knew it was time to put it to bed.
/r/Divorce_Men01/02/21 08:19 PM
2

Kinda makes you rethink the value of giving her your address for some cufflinks doesn't it? For others, if she doesn't know where you live and you MUST correspond via mail, get a PO Box. They're $30 or less for 6 months and they give you the peace of mind of not having your ex show up at your door.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/21 07:11 AM
2

You should start pushing back against this. In divorce every little thing matters -- every inch you budge on is an inch you'll never get back so make sure you're okay with that.
/r/Divorce_Men21/01/21 07:04 AM
5

Mine cost $3000. I basically won the lottery on my divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men20/01/21 07:46 PM
2

Call her on it when she says she wants a divorce. If you keep doing the same thing every week, it's not going to change or get better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/21 12:30 AM
2

Your story sounds a lot like mine. My wife met a new friend, they started going to a bar a lot. Then they started staying out late, and then a few times she didn't come home at all. I got fed up with it and got on her computer one night and found everything. She was out, and we got a mutual consent divorce. Fortunately, I did very well. I got the house, kept my retirement and only had to pay for the vehicle she just HAD to have. 18 months later, I've got a new pickup truck, and paid off all the …
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/21 02:27 AM
6

Your mistake was dealing with a female lawyer and being patient about it. I went to one first, but the majority of the advice was terrible and it felt like she assumed I was the problem despite the mountain of evidence I provided showing what my ex-wife was up to. I didn't come back. The lawyer I went with walked me through the entire process and it went very well. Did you find another or were you on your own after the lawyer you hired ditched you?
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/21 02:11 AM
2

Yes. I've been divorced about 18 months. I have more cash than I ever did, a new pickup truck, and so much more time to do the things I want to do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/21 06:22 AM
2

I'd of been like "sounds like she's faking it again" and then hung up. That would have put a stop to that.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 11:31 PM
1

California is a two-party consent state, so any recording you make without the other person's permission isn't lawful. Be mindful of this as it can get you into trouble if it comes up.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 06:49 PM
1

I know mine is certainly much better now that she's gone.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 06:44 PM
1

The first stimulus had both our names on it, so we both had to sign to cash it. I didn't mention anything about the check coming until she did since I didn't need the money and could just sit on it. We split the check 50/50, but I insisted she had to come to me to cash it, and she had to be present.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 06:40 PM
2

That pretty much sums up what happened to me there. It's all good. I don't seek validation from people online.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/20 12:25 AM
13

I encountered some less than kind souls when I posted my divorce success story there. Some people just have to be difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/20 07:02 PM
2

Are your belongings still in the house? Take them. She really can't stop you. That's the magic of marital property -- it's both of yours to do with as you wish. The fact some items were yours pre-marriage means you absolutely can take them. If she has a problem with it, get the law involved. In my case, my ex-wife wanted me to hand over the keys to her vehicle after I caught her cheating. I said "no, it's my van too. If you want it, you have to cooperate and sign the divorce agreement. If you st…
/r/Divorce_Men23/12/20 09:29 PM
1

I had a similar situation happen with my ex-wife. Late nights. Drinking. Loss of faith. I had a good idea what she was up to, but didn't want to rock the boat just yet because work was slamming me. When I finally acted, I found what she was up to and threw her out. She's still with the guy and I'm happy for her. Between the two of them they can barely afford to live in a cardboard box under a bridge.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/20 03:46 PM
2

I think one of the best things you can do here is ignore her when she starts complaining or bashing. Save it for your records, but don't respond. Silence sends quite a message.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/20 08:48 PM
3

Exercise radio silence unless she's asking for something related to your children or the divorce. She'll figure it out.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/20 08:42 PM
2

First, lawyer up if you haven't already. Next, tell him you want the house, or nobody will have it. You're already in a precarious situation here since you left and it's a state with equitable division. If you can't agree, the state will likely make you sell it anyway and split the proceeds. His request for alimony may be unrealistic. He'll probably get some, but not that much. I think you're in for an unpleasant ride if you expect to get much more than half, especially since you've been married…
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/20 11:46 PM
3

The What If game is a game you can't win, so it's best not to play. I know, we all do it at some point, but it's best to look at now and then look forward -- not backwards. Think of it like this: what can you do now that you couldn't before? Go from there.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/20 02:59 PM
3

When I caught my ex, I got into some of the sub-reddits that ripped on women and their dating/cheating strategies. I had a laugh here and there for a couple months, but then I outgrew it. It's a toxic environment full of bitter losers. This place is not like that, and like others have said, I don't want it to be either. Do you want support, or do you want to just be bitter?
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 06:48 AM
3

Sounds like you should start a blog and turn off the comments so that way you can be content with no opposing viewpoints in your own little corner of the Internet.
/r/Divorce_Men06/11/20 06:38 AM
2

This is a weird situation and I think you're making it more difficult for yourself. You're about to get divorced and leave... So why not start building some firm boundaries now? Having sex and sleeping together in the same bed doesn't sound like two people who want a divorce. If I were you, I'd consider sleeping in a different bedroom, and either meeting someone else or using your hand to get the job done. You're only going to hurt your mental health going through this since you mention listenin…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/20 03:47 PM
1

Congratulations! I have to say that after going through my marriage and subsequent divorce I haven't felt lonely. I think her constant nagging, the in-laws living with us, and all the constant crap that brought with it have immunized me from it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/10/20 01:45 PM
1

My ex cheated. I got the house, car, 401k, most of the furniture, and all of my stuff. I think it was amicable.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/20 05:10 AM
1

My ex-wife and I broke up through text message, so there was no emotion whatsoever.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 10:13 PM
1

One of my suits disappeared when my ex left. I'm pretty sure her boyfriend needed it for a court appearance. I also lost some tools when my ex's parents left. It was worth it to be rid of her. Now I can afford much nicer suits, and much nicer tools.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 10:03 PM
1

Okay, so you're a terrible negotiator. You ask for more than what you want, so that way they come back and give you what it is you're looking for. I skimmed through your previous post as well and honestly, why don't you just cut off your balls and hand them over too? You should be looking for half on everything. And last but not least, you should get a lawyer because based on just this bit, you're in over your head and you're going to take it up the rear. Consider this some tough love. I'm rooti…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/20 09:59 PM
1

Yes, absolutely write out who is getting what. I did exactly that. I divided up the assets and liabilities, mentioned who got what -- everything. We had a couple points of disagreement, but once it was worked out she signed it in the presence of my lawyer, and my divorce went relatively smoothly.
/r/Divorce_Men19/08/20 10:57 PM
1

Trust your gut. What does it say? Only you can really know the answer to this question. If I had trusted mine earlier, I'd have saved months of pain and got everything wrapped up the relationship even quicker. But that might not be the answer for everyone.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 08:28 PM
2

I've experienced that. Definite red flag now. Talk about a learning experience. Others include: Hiding financial debts Hiding details of past relationships Insisting I never listened (if only I hadn't!) Demanding to consolidate finances when I had everything and she had nothing Demanding to manage the bills and obfuscating purchases One other red flag (once she started cheating), she slept with her phone under her pillow. Seriously, I could write a book on this kind of BS.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 08:13 PM
7

I used a female attorney for an initial consult. I'll be honest, the visit was not fruitful, even though I came in with hundreds of pages of documentation showing what my (now) ex-wife was up to. You know what that lawyer said to me as we were discussing divorce options? "Well we don't want her to starve, so let's see about alimony payments." Uh.. lady, I don't care if she starves or not. I found a different lawyer that worked hard for me, and you know what? I was divorced in a month, I don't pa…
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/20 08:06 PM
1

As lemmingsrevenge said, just write RTS on that envelope, stick it back in the mailbox, and turn that check into someone else's problem.
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/20 03:55 PM
3

I feel your pain. Not exactly the same circumstances, but I definitely wonder about what I should have done differently. I don't dwell on it very often though. I caught her cheating, among a laundry list of other things and then I booted her out the door. I think milestones are important. You mentioned going from an air mattress to an apartment... I think we all need to have that kind of personal growth after a divorce. I went from $500 in my name to having enough cash to cover a full three mont…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 07:57 PM
1

I would argue against this, simply because if he acts after thirty days and she doesn't like it -- she'll have a list documenting everything he got rid of that she can use as evidence. No list, no proof. How can she claim you have something of hers if she has no inventory to show it?
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 03:21 PM
1

If she hasn't come for it after 30 days, let alone 2.5 years -- it's not going to happen. Give her a deadline, after that, it's yours to do with as you please. Don't give the lawyer a list, otherwise they can just use that against you later if you decide to take action. If she has no list from you, how would she be able to prove whether you had something or not? Then if you get rid of her stuff, it'll just be your word against hers, which is a lot better than having a list documenting everything…
/r/Divorce_Men12/05/20 03:18 PM
1

What's your end objective here? If you want to be an asshole, just take the car. She can't do anything about it because it's yours as well. Good luck getting a duplicate key though... why don't you already have one in your possession? I didn't give my ex the second key until she signed all the settlement papers. I threatened to come find it and take it if she didn't play nice. If you want to be rid of the payment, either get that written up in your divorce decree as it be a requirement that she …
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 09:50 PM
4

It's been almost ten months since I found out she was cheating, and nine since the divorce was finalized. I agree, it gets better. In fact, in my case, it's even better than when I was married. It's a long road, and I'm still not to the end of it, but every day/every week/every month is better than the month before. I'm glad I escaped relatively unscathed. And best of all, her "man" is worthless. Now she gets to toil away at a dead-end job while he wastes their money. For that alone, I'm glad he…
/r/Divorce_Men07/05/20 09:35 PM
5

I can't imagine why. /s
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/20 12:56 AM
1

It's a trap. Don't look back and don't fall for it. If you're going through a divorce, keep the communications to necessity only i.e. need her to send a tax form, need to fix an issue with a car title, etc. Anything else could lead you down a bad path.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/20 08:53 PM
1

If by serious you mean doing the same woman more than a couple times... it took about six months. Marriage is off the table for the foreseeable future.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/20 08:07 PM
1

She didn't come home one night (third or fourth time) and it was the last straw. I hopped on her computer and started pulling all the evidence of her misdeeds (cheating, drugs, etc.) within minutes. The next morning I told her parents, then I called my parents and friends. I had a lot of support from the beginning. Being upfront makes things easier.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 06:04 AM
4

You know what's even more savage? Not having to bulldoze the house or hide the money in order to keep it. Best of all -- true story. I lived it.
/r/Divorce_Men14/03/20 05:28 AM
1

My decision. She ran away with her friend and I was able to get some idea of what she was up to. I told her I was done, and that was that. I kept control of the house too, and changed the locks once we had the conversation. Sure she could call the police to have her let back in until the papers were signed, but she wouldn't do that given her other "activities."
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 06:14 PM
1

That's crazy. Are you sure you aren't being taken for a ride? Why is she entitled to more than half of your pay? Do you have children? I live in one of the most liberal states in the US, and even here everything is split 50/50 in a contentious court battle. A live-in girlfriend wouldn't get anything. Maybe consider quitting your job in the interim and telling her to try and take 2/3 of that paycheck. Otherwise... you're really up a creek. And you're not even married?!
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 06:08 PM
2

I feel the same way, and I managed to not get raked over the coals during the divorce. Why take that risk again? I make too much money and have too many assets.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/20 03:35 PM
2

I had to spend more than an hour with my ex-wife at the DMV to transfer the vehicle title into her name. On top of paying off the vehicle for her, I also had to pay the fees to transfer the title. She has no money whatsoever. The guy she left me for is a lazy scumbag with no potential. I always have nightmares after seeing her. She was my best friend for years, and then it was like she was just gone -- replaced by drug-addicted shell of her former self. It's still tough, but fortunately (like in…
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 09:16 PM
1

I get to do all the things I enjoy without someone else bitching about it, while saving tons of money for the future without someone else spending it.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 08:56 PM
4

She's saying it. Probably not just to you either. It doesn't matter if there's any truth to it. What matters is what you're going to do about it. Document, and get ready for the storm.
/r/Divorce_Men28/02/20 12:19 AM
1

Wow, I also had a diabetic cat. She had the shots, but she absolutely hated them and was suffering quite a bit. I had to have her put to sleep a few weeks ago. So yeah, I haven't even gotten into the fact that after I got divorced, one of my best friends died and my cat died... all within the span of about three months.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 11:57 PM
2

When there is a void in your life like in divorce, it's important to create a purpose for your life. Anything will do as long as it drives you to be active in creating rather than sitting around moping about what was lost. Absolutely! For the first two months I was scurrying around visiting friends and family and dealing with the aftermath which kept me incredibly busy. Now that things have slowed down a bit I'm focused on my career again, along with some projects I'd like to complete over the w…
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 04:22 PM
1

I don't know. I can only surmise that's it's extremely difficult. I can't really help you there other than to say that others have gone before you and managed, so it's totally possible to get through it.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 04:18 PM
2

Sounds like the shit hit the fan for you right around the time it did for me. I was fortunate in that from the time I found out until the letter was signed by the judge only was about a month. I'm thinking about moving, but unfortunately she has weakened me financially. I may have to stick around, for a little while at least.
/r/Divorce_Men12/11/19 04:17 PM
1

I'm not sure if Illinois has it, but here in Maryland, if you can come to a mutual consent divorce, things move much quicker and it's considerably cheaper than fighting it out in court. I understand you're trying to play nice, but given what she's done, why wait until she's ready to stab you in the back somewhere else? My backstory is somewhat similar to yours -- wife cheated after six years and wasn't content because I had to spend all my time working to pay for her cushy lifestyle and that of …
/r/Divorce_Men28/10/19 01:56 AM
3

I know I'm going to regret this, but it seems so much easier to start anew without the 3 young kids You know they're not like puppies right? When it gets real you can't just give them away. Maybe it's time to give up the 80 hr/week job and find something that does give you the flexibility to be there with your kids when they need you. If you have to downsize to do it, downsize. Make the tough decisions but remember that they're depending on you. Oh, and I would make sure they are never able to s…
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/19 07:57 PM
2

Don't let yourself be bullied. I was in that place once. It doesn't end well. In my case, she bullied me into moving, bullied me into selling my truck, bullied me into making poor financial decisions, and more. Fortunately my ex-wife gave me an out (she cheated), and I'm on the path to recovery. Stand your ground. If she doesn't respect you for it, than you need to talk to a lawyer and consider heading for the door. Don't be bullied though.
/r/Divorce_Men07/10/19 03:14 AM
1

Thanks! If she hadn't cooperated, it was quite likely I'd have ended up paying her alimony and she would have gotten half of the assets.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/19 09:09 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/19 09:07 PM
1

While I'm happy for your outcome... Are you though? I didn't give 100% of the details because otherwise it would have been a novel. I was simply providing the part where she cheated on me in a state where most people end up splitting the assets and the person who spends their entire day at work to put food on the table and a roof over our head gets raked over the coals by the person who did nothing but sleep around. Also, I won because I'm not sleeping in my car. That's how great the new guy is.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/19 09:05 PM
1

If you're wrapping up #2, you may want to consider a puppy for the near future if you need companionship. It sounds like marriage isn't in the cards for you right now.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:48 AM
1

Look at the bright side... at least she was using condoms. My ex-wife didn't even do that. She had an STD test done, did Plan B, and didn't even tell me about any of it. I found it all out months later -- meaning I needed my own STD test. Thankfully I'm in the clear.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:46 AM
1

...you really should have swallowed your pride and borrowed the money from your mother.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:43 AM
1

And also... on top of the full-time job, I did all the yard work, helped around the house, and banged her several times a week. I wasn't lazy by any means.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:36 AM
1

I guess you were doing a lot more sleeping and video games than I was, because like I said, I was around a lot, and we did a lot together. I even work from home most days. I refuse to accept any blame for her choices. So in my case, yes, it is hard to understand why she went looking for attention in other places.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:30 AM
2

I hate to say this, but I have a feeling you'll be back... and not just to give advice.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:24 AM
2

I would argue that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how much she's done that he has no idea about. In my own case I found out a lot, but still -- I'm certain there's a lot I still don't know. Fortunately, it doesn't matter anymore for me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:09 AM
2

Heh, my ex-wife said we had stopped connecting too. This was after a week in Washington D.C., a week at the beach, a hot-air balloon ride, a week in Canada, and nearly every night together. Oh, and I'm the one who worked. She didn't do anything (or so I thought). If anything, if I want to play video games a couple nights a week, or go to sleep early -- I earned it because I'm the one who put a roof over our head, made sure the gas tank was full, food was on the table, and the bills were paid. I …
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/19 01:05 AM
8

You know what a boat is? A hole in the water you throw money into. Sucker.
/r/Divorce_Men23/08/19 09:35 PM
4

Thanks! I was incredibly nervous that she would change her mind all the way up until the moment she agreed to everything in front of the magistrate.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 03:48 PM
4

She wanted the paid off car, but I refused. Instead she took the "poison pill" van that she wanted us to buy so badly before all of this happened. I may have to pay the loan payments, but she has to pay to fill the tank and deal with the inevitable maintenance that's coming.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 03:41 PM
7

I feel that we have an unsolvable problem here. It may be best if we just go our separate ways. :-)
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 03:16 PM
3

It was tough, but it showed me what I'm made of and capable of accomplishing.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 03:12 PM
2

Thanks! I'd say so too!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 03:12 PM
1

Thanks!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 01:17 PM
4

I paid for almost everything. She hasn't worked in years. You're right, I guess she could contest it down the road, but that's why I had a lawyer involved. Plus, it'll be an uphill battle since she'll be contesting her own statements and breaking a legal contract.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 01:17 PM
2

Definitely, and there was SO MUCH BS!
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 01:15 PM
10

Well... she started doing those too so yeah...
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 01:14 PM
1

My wife slept with her phone under her pillow. So yes, it contributed. She was keeping it safe from my prying eyes while she messaged someone else.
/r/Divorce_Men22/08/19 06:05 AM
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