TheRedArchive

~ archived since 2018 ~

HENKH4L Archive

View 3 posts and 66 comments by HENKH4L on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
Search in:
In subreddits:
More
Filter by year/month:
Upvotes Title Category Author Subreddit Date (UTC)
28

HENKH4L/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 07:34 PM
7

HENKH4L/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 10:08 PM
6

HENKH4L/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 01:51 PM
Upvotes Comment on Subreddit Date (UTC)
7

You're playing a different league! Try to focus on yourself, you'll be in a better place soon!
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:40 PM
3

I can imagine this could be hard to digest at some times. It somehow hit me when she told me she was engaged. But the best is not to share your (shared) opinion with you kids, they need to make their own judgements without your or her opinion in the end. It can be tough, I can understand that. I do not often agree with what my ex does and what she did, but I try to keep my kids out of any of it. They have to deal with enough already.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/23 07:54 PM
2

She did not take your dignity, your pride and character! It may look like she did but eventually you'll find out what a great person you really are. ​ Take care man!
/r/Divorce_Men17/02/23 09:58 PM
1

It makes sense that you feel that way.. You have been sharing a big part of your life with that person. So you are used to sharing this. My recommendation like many of us here.. get away from that person. Try to communicate as less as possible. Ask a friend if they can receive what you were about to send or draft it in your notes and read it and judge it a bit. Start new hobbies, go to the gym. Read books, listen to music, watch the TV shows you liked before you were together. It's going to be a…
/r/Divorce_Men20/11/22 09:34 PM
1

Kids are very flexible! When I first knew we were about to divorce my ex her friend was also in our house one day. She asked her kid if she liked it better as it is or how it became. The kid told us that she liked it better when their parents were divorced. I couldn't believe my ears. However I asked my son the same thing recently (18 months later) he said he likes it way more than it was. Focus on the kids, make sure you take care of what's best for them. Put up your own boundaries when it come…
/r/Divorce_Men13/10/22 12:01 AM
1

Don't forget the judgement, I think man who are divorced have a sort of disadvantage. Like we're to blame or something..
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 09:36 PM
3

Why ? Enough court cases that prove this..
/r/Divorce_Men02/06/22 04:45 AM
5

I felt like he should've won from the very beginning!
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 09:42 PM
5

Crazy right, and then there is this feminism movement. I think man should be treated equally too 😅
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 09:40 PM
4

You mean his career?
/r/Divorce_Men01/06/22 07:42 PM
3

Brother, first of all you have to know you are not alone. Lots of us are going through or went through similar emotional rollercoaster rides. The anger feelings are totally normal in these kind of situations. It's al part of the process of grieving. I myself couldn't understand how she went on with her life after having years and two kids together. She's in a different mindset already and that very fucking frustrating. Keep in mind that anger is part of grieving, but crying is also a big part of…
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/22 06:01 AM
2

Good to hear that your up for it and that you have some proper motivation to do things better than you're used to! Kids are quite flexible, from what I read here your daughter is blessed with you! Let's hope for the best with these crazy woman in this world!
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/22 09:11 PM
2

I feel ya! My ex is with a former "friend" and I kinda feel sorry for both. Most of all I feel sorry for my kids cause I think this will happen again..
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:22 PM
2

You do matter, for your son. Eventually for yourself too! Hang in there. As dark as it gets as bright it will be!🔥
/r/Divorce_Men13/05/22 11:18 PM
3

Man, I think we all know how this feels in a certain way. But believe me, it can be better being split up. Even though it sounds like impossible to maintain, you're not alone. Lots of us have been there. Focus on yourself, you deserve much better. If you are stable, you can be a better parent to your kid. In the end this will even be better for the kid too! Have you considered to read No More Mister Nice Guy?
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/22 03:50 PM
5

Sounds awful man, but you have to make decisions for yourself. I can relate to your feelings of your ex being further with processing the situation and moving forward earlier than you. You have to take the wheel and start driving in your own direction. The best way to gain fruitful insights is to get away from this situation. Try to stay over at a friend, book a BnB or something like that. Because right now you're involved in a more emotional way. This will not make you think straight. If you ta…
/r/Divorce_Men01/05/22 08:24 AM
1

Lol my ex would communicate with all these dots when angry 🤣🤣 Typical sign of something gone wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:30 PM
1

Amen brother! 💪🏻
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/22 05:16 PM
0

As some people already mentioned you have to make sure there is a solid way of communicating together. This doesn't have to be calling every week. Texting or mailing could be good too. Make sure you're in the loop when it comes to medical decisions, you have your rights, same as she has. In my agreement there are some statements about new partners and naming these dad or mom which is an absolute no go to me. I also signed for not standing in the way of your kid's family relationships. I had an a…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 07:12 PM
2

For me it helped a lot to look back at the mess from 3 months ago. Then think about the blessings you're having right now. These can be small, don't have to be the biggest.. Finish with visualising where you want to be in 3 months. You'd surprised how far you've already come when taking some time to take a proper look. Do this in a good walk in a nice surrounding. It takes time brother, you'll get there! 💪🏻🔥
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/22 06:59 PM
1

Good bot!
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 06:16 PM
1

Brother, I can read that some shitty woman hurt you.. Just a few things I wanted to tell you. You're not alone. In this sub, you'll see with how many we really are. So whenever you feel heartbroken, terrible or shitty. We there! It's not your fault. Of course every story has two sides. But you shouldn't be too hard on yourself, shouldn't talk yourself down. It's okay to feel shitty every now and then, but remember that better times are ahead! Visualization; take a stap back, breathe and look bac…
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/22 06:05 AM
2

Wait what? I would never ever interact in any similar or near similar way with her. I'm done with that person!
/r/Divorce_Men15/02/22 05:41 AM
1

Sounds logical, I'm not sure what the future holds. She told me that I'll always remain the father of her grandchildren, which is a fact. For the kids I hope things will remain normal. I went on a trip to a theme-park months ago with my ex, the kids and in-laws. The in-laws were okay, but me and my ex were totally awkward!
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 11:34 PM
3

Haha, love the metaphor! Her mom was at my place a few weeks ago, she'd already left after we had cake for our sons Bday. Even her mom stated that the novelty will go away.. I always appreciated my mother in-law! :)
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 11:11 PM
2

This is an interesting point of view! I decided that this is a sort of momentum I can achieve things I always held myself back from.. I started an amazing job last month, I feel really appreciated there and they really admire my skillset.
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 10:59 PM
3

I get what you mean, neither do I allow what happened. But I've decided not to let this control me emotionally anymore. Yes it sucks AF, and it sure is fucked up. But I am trying to cope with this in a way that what happened creates a momentum of doing what's best for me. Trying things I always postponed out of fear. Leaning new experiences, acknowledging my feelings and needs more. I also think that I should try to make things go a bit smooth, just for the kids. It's about 18 years up to 21 for…
/r/Divorce_Men13/02/22 10:56 PM
3

This is so spot on! The part of pulling the plug.. Never bring it up, they'll deny and call you a narcissist!
/r/Divorce_Men10/02/22 06:21 AM
2

I know what you mean, I was in Business Development when I found out about getting divorced. I started on the 1st of June, the 4th I heard the news. As adult as I am I told my new employer what was happening. At first they told me they would get me through it. I couldn't reach my quota since my ex was literally boycotting me working from home. She did some crazy things, made it a tough time. At a certain point my employer gave me a PIP. Of course I was never gonna reach their crazy goals. I trie…
/r/Divorce_Men05/02/22 10:17 AM
3

My ex is also easy on the eye, she always got a lot of attention.Alwaysntoldnme whenever someone flirted to her. She never did anything wrong. Until she mentioned she wanted to break up after 10 years. She now is with amy former "friend" who also divorced after about 15 years. They both claim that this happened just after. I've noticed some chemistry between those two, both denied earlier. The answer doesn't really matter to me. What matters is that I now notice how I always treated her like she…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:36 PM
3

I don't think we should call it a league/out of our league. I realised that due to thinking my ex was out of my league (which she obviously isn't) I started to treat her in a very unhealthy way, put her on a pedestal. Which resulted in me going waaaay beyond my personal limits, norms and values. Like a sort of halo effect. And it's also a bit of misconception that women value beauty the same as men. Looking at our instinct we are looking for beauty when it comes to "making a nest" with women the…
/r/Divorce_Men31/01/22 08:31 PM
2

Sounds like a solid ground for an amical divorce. Always better to avoid poisoning and fighting! Take care! 💪🏻
/r/Divorce_Men30/01/22 07:54 PM
2

What a coincidence.. Yesterday I was dropping off a laptop for homeschooling at my ex who now lives with my formerly friend. He was there to open the door. We had a informal chitchat about him getting another PCR. My kids where still up and were a bit surprised that I was there. My 3 yo asked if I was picking him up. It was about 8:15 PM. He told them that they were going to bed, that my 8 yo needed to get upstairs and I caught him saying you stay with daddy downstairs to my youngest son. (They …
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/22 08:44 AM
3

It depends on your phone I used an app in the past called iCall used to work fine for recording but recently you have to give accessibility permissions on Android.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/22 06:05 PM
2

I should get this on a tile to put it on my wall 😅
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 10:57 PM
1

Yea, I think it's going to be a hell of a job over there. Feel sorry for my kids tho, I do want to have them with me but not on her terms. She asked me to bring them over ok Mo-We-FR but insists on the fact that I "try" to so it on Tuesdays an Thursdays, I work as an Account Executive for a startup. I give a lot of demo's to corporates, I cannot combine this with giving my love and attention to the kids at the same time. She disagrees fully with my opinion and doesn't care about what I actually …
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/22 10:56 PM
1

Yea, my friend's an even my coworkers told me that she was living in a surrealistic mindset, just a small world. I'm only concerned about how this could be of impact on my children. To give you an example; I have been having jobs since I was 12(newspaper boy) and I have always worked next to schools and studying. Things in life cost money, that's how it works. I would love to see them appreciate the value of money and not take it for granted. I hope that I still can teach them these values and l…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 07:55 PM
1

In the Netherlands you pay spousal support when you had a documented partnership or when you were married. I kinda dodged the bullet, with not marrying her. To be totally fair with you, we had it set up, however it was a pretty low cost thing and I did not feel like this was the way she deserved. So we agreed on cancelling it. Not to worry on the advice part, I'm happy that people are reading my story and interact about it with me. This sub really made me see that were with millions of men!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 07:51 PM
1

Thanks man, appreciate these valuable words. It's not easy to maintain the adult role all the time, I catch myself losing my temper every now and then. It's a betrayal which cost me about 4 friends. Losing my temper creates an even more difficult chemistry in this situation and it makes it more difficult to keep her to her promises. I sometimes feel like I did not deserve this and that if we took the chances we could've worked it out. But it has to land. TBH I thought I was feeling better and no…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 07:48 PM
1

Hah wel ai thought this would settle it so we went for a formal document without court stamp. TBH my idea was never fight any of this. But we're talking now, I stil am cautious tho!
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:59 PM
1

Haha, lol no worries we did not knew him when we had our first, and our second is definitely mine too.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:35 PM
1

Yea we have a schedule made with a mediator from a law firm. Same as the agreed points on taking care during work hours. I even have my proposal to the mediator which states daycare. But I kind of followed her term on this. In NL it is possible to make an objection if your ex puts your kid into daycare, so whenever I sign up she can action on this. The judge most likely will see where the kids can most of the times. I think the income of BF is sort of being calculated a part. I hope to just sett…
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:15 PM
1

No we weren't married, we almost did a year ago. We had 10 years together and have two kids. We did have to make a patenting plan with schedule with a mediator from a law firm It's mandatory when you have custody rights in NL. Yes she lives with him, used to be a "good" friend
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/21 04:04 PM
1

Lol! In NL it's about 1:04 AM so my cake day here should be over! 🤣
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/21 12:04 AM
6

Good to hear brother! Hoping you will maintain the balance. I personally notice it too that having one week off is quite convenient sometimes! PS: Happy cake day!
/r/Divorce_Men27/12/21 11:46 PM
2

Yea I'll definitely try that! I deleted the annoying Google notifications about today on this day 🤔
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/21 11:07 PM
3

Thanks OP for this message. I feel like these days can be really dark, different than it was. Like I took it for granted or so. I know it will get better soon. Thanks for the positive note! Wishing you great holidays!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 01:03 AM
3

I think this too. But then I think of the memories for my kids. I have an immense cloud, Google reminds me everyday what happened on this day X years ago. I might just bulk them and put them in a .zip file or something. Not there yet :(
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/21 01:01 AM
2

Despite the grudge I hold these days and the emotions I project on her sometimes, I am trying to do my best man!
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/21 01:34 AM
1

Happy to hear that! I feel like I'm there often but sometimes it still sucks.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/21 09:15 PM
3

I was thinking to sign myself up for a cooking club, sounds like fun to me! :) But can imagine it's tough, after all these years you develop mutual friends. I also reached out to some old friends, I have one good friend who never left my side all these years. Hope you will manage to have fun with some strangers 😅
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 08:03 PM
1

Sounds way better! Have you been to a similar situation? I just started to notice that I'm not grieving anymore, also it's getting brighter. Of course there are moments that just make it obvious; like setting up the Christmas tree for example. This wil also get better every year I guess! :)
/r/Divorce_Men13/12/21 01:11 AM
1

Ohh my bad I mad a mistake with the amount of kids 🤣 They have 5 in their week. From age 2 - 10. (Changed the amount just now) Yea, I have doubt's too, but I am going to be the happy one in the end. It sucks to be not together with these holiday moments. But for NYE my friend suggested to throw a party with some of the old gang together. I lost my job due to not being performing well since she kinda left me hanging a lot of times. We agreed to have them at her place while I was working. (Close t…
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/21 09:05 PM
1

Yes, they're. Tbh; I don't feel that sad about anymore, just some small moments during the holidays which makes you remember. Of course it's disturbing that he's around when I talk to her, and I don't like how things went. But it slowly starts to just be as it is. I'm trying to focus on my own luck :)
/r/Divorce_Men12/12/21 09:09 AM
6

Thanks for sharing man! I honestly feel a bit of grudge sometimes, she is with a former friend of mine now. They both claim it was after they both ended their marriage/relationship. Had a great but turbulent 10 years of relationship. 2 wonderful boys, I am looking forward to falling in love again and care even less. The grudge is not always there, I notice that it is starting to decrease more and more!
/r/Divorce_Men28/11/21 09:18 AM
5

Same, my Ex lives with my former friend (mutual). She came back after a few weeks that she regrets it, we have two boys were not married. We have been together for 10 years lived from almost rock bottom to a great live together. She broke up with me not feeling it anymore and he also divorced at the same time. They said it just happened after the breakup. Everyone has their own story, not sure if the answer will be comfortingly in the end. (This happened this summer). One day she showed up on my…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 01:38 PM
2

Don't be a nice guy OP, you deserve better! I've read quite some comments on reading the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, I started it yesterday. Confronting AF but definitely an eye-opening book. Recommend you to read it if you not already have. It helps you to put these things in perspective. I can imagine that the thought of being together is a safe thought, with the kid in the back of your mind. But remember what you miss yourself, turf every good and bad and make a solid decision. Based on what I…
/r/Divorce_Men19/11/21 12:57 PM
2

Ah I see now! Funny how these words are used differently! Can you imagine sitting on a Dutch stoep after a divorce? Sitting in the gutter doesn't sound well, right? 😂
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 07:49 PM
1

Just out of curiosity: is stoep similar to veranda or to sidewalk? In Dutch it means sidewalk 😅
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 02:08 PM
3

Cheers from NL, better times ahead mate! 💪🏻
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/21 01:00 PM
1

Not certain if it was cheating since she claimed they found eachother when both broke up. I always felt a chemistry between those two and even confronted them. But it doesn't matter when or how, it happened. Taking control of your life matters, trying to figure out what drives you and what you like again. And it takes some time to think as an individual after being together for years. Picking it up doesn't happen over night, take your time! In the end you have two beautiful kids to keep in mind,…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 09:32 PM
2

Feeling depressed is absolutely part of the process! But remember that no matter how dark it looks right, it will look as bright too at a certain point! Don't take the blame on yourself, it is not only your fault! Take your time to heal, and allow yourself to take that time. If you focus on yourself in the end you can be a stable father too! I recognize parts of your story also 29, two kids and a nasty breakup; she ended up not feeling it anymore and wanted some space. I found out she was in lov…
/r/Divorce_Men04/11/21 12:00 PM
5

It depends on the situation, I have been together for 10 years (not married) but we have two kids together. I still speak to my in-laws every now and then. They're the grandparents to my children, I would never try to come in between that for the sake of my kids. In the other hand I have been a part of their lives too, in the past 10 years we shared some great times; the birth of my kids, birthdays, holidays and more.. But also shared some sad moments; the loss of family members, illness and oth…
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/21 09:12 PM
5

I'm glad to see you accomplished the healthy lifestyle! Keep it going! 💪🏻
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 11:07 PM
1

Thanks for these best practices I really like the idea of meditation I helps me to see things in a better perspective. Bodyscans seem te be good, if you have any great tips on meditation feel free to share!
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 09:48 PM
1

I feel you man, I just got the paperwork for a 50/50 custody. We were never officially married, but we did spent 10 years together. She insisted on taking care during office hours since I work +40 hours a week. I find it a very challenging idea to have both our boys (3 and 7) all by myself instead of doing it together. We are not yet separated, however I did went to a friend's house to make sure we don't end up battling our emotions towards eachother near our kids. (It's still fresh) My main foc…
/r/Divorce_Men12/07/21 12:06 AM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.
created by /u/dream-hunter