Guys I'm trying to keep it together. After the 2021 shitshow we've been through; She ended our 10 year relationship, 2 kids and within a very short timeframe she admitted she felt in love with a mutual friend. We were still living together back then(June - August). After I found out I kinda pushed her to go live with him, to make sure I could regain my dignity.

We went to a mediator to put a plan on paper with a mediator. 50/50 custody was the idea. She did not want me to have daycare, she insisted on taking care while I had to work. I often worked from home, but I started that job in June. With the impact of this and her not always showing up, I kinda lost my job.

I found a new beautiful gig, I have to go to the office more often. I already addressed all of this 6 weeks ago and I told her I needed daycare, did not trust her anymore. In the meantime we still kept fighting and arguing. I feel offended when I see him wearing a hickey-kiss in the neck when I agreed to bring my kids to her and not to him. I told her no often whenever she asks me things during her week, this because I want to make clear boundaries and I want my kids to have structure in place.

She has no job, has never ever earned money, there ain't any value in cash for her. Even worse she always blames me for seeing work as my priority, but Tbh I think I just do what I need to do to provide. There is not even a reasonable conversation possible since she lives in a different world.

At the moment she declines to do what she has promised and threatened me with the standard weekend set-up, since she doesn't agree with a daycare for our youngest son of 3.

I feel like I've lost, I don't want to be less around my kids, I love them and want to parent then into strong adults. I thought I had the lowest part already but it seems like it can get even worse..

Just needed to get this of my chest..

Small Update: We had a discussion about it, she is willing to proceed the current agreement, but I'm thinking of looking for alternatives since the past has shown me that she is not always doing what she says.