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LashkarNaraanji123 Archive

View 0 posts and 672 comments by LashkarNaraanji123 on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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10

Mostly likely, her target didn't want to be her new BF. She tried to monkey branch but couldn't grab the next Man-vine.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:23 AM
15

Stay the course, I think. She was in a big hurry but now wants to slam the brakes? While people can be flighty, I suspect there is more to this than meets the eye. Make sure you get your story out and one of the best things to do is keep a spreadsheet or Word doc with the timeline of what happened and any strange communications, as a calming resource when you're being gaslighted.
/r/Divorce_Men16/06/26 04:22 AM
3

Very rarely will a man announce to his spouse and the entire world in their real and internet social circle: "I'm leaving to discover myself. I'm learning that I deserve to be happy"
/r/Divorce_Men08/06/26 12:28 AM
4

If the guy works 60 hours a week: Neglected me If the guy cuts the hours: Angry about less money, or not ambitious anymore, or you're too around all the time. One of the biggest wakeup calls I had was realizing the reason all the "Old Retired Guys" hung out in their 90F/30C garages all day was to get away from their wives - the older gen where women worked less or only as housewives - that didn't want them around IN THEIR OWN HOUSE after they paid for everything, including a retirement house wit…
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:35 PM
4

Think of all the times the ladies have said "I want it this way" and nagged you 100x. Only to get it or 90% of the work is put in, and they're like "Ah, I changed my mind." This is true with many about many things much of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:32 PM
3

That's hilarious. Try to envision it's a movie and there's Narrator explaining the scene: She means the worse, not the better, like always. Sounds like you're aware and becoming more aware of manipulation. The cowl will come off and it'll suck, but it'll make you stronger after you fully digest it.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:31 PM
7

Perhaps Turn the anger into utility? You can do this front loaded and back loaded, what I mean is, try working out, even if it's just push ups on the floor, before you see her or after. Sometimes before is a good option if you exhaust yourself physically, because it might create a "I ain't got time for this" attitude and her presence will just pass over you like some dust in the wind.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:30 PM
17

None of the these people pushing you to take her back would do so if the shoe was on the other foot.
/r/Divorce_Men05/06/26 10:27 PM
1

That's just "Retconning" - rewriting history in her head. I think the term comes from when writers re-write a character's past, often a new team.
/r/Divorce_Men19/05/26 10:20 AM
5

I always felt I had to be married to have kids, that are awesome. That was my big mistake - even before I got married I had plenty of warnings from guys who were married. Even guys married barely a year told me not to do it. Don't feel you have to get married to have kids, guys!
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:47 AM
7

> What gets me is that even paying her a ton of spousal support (which just ended this month) I still have more discretionary income now than when married. Ditto! And to crown all, I lost my fairly decent remote job due to COVID just before I filed, and I ended up with more money doing overnight janitorial work instead despite paying child support as well spousal support for a year than living her and the better, no commute job. From the need to buy the expensive name brand for everything to the…
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:45 AM
6

In some courts, it can be taken as an act of forgiveness or reconciliation, too.
/r/Divorce_Men11/05/26 05:29 AM
2

Tough situation, sorry man. One thing that is repeated by many who lived through it and most litigators who discuss it - don't confront without documentation and a plan of what YOU are going to do going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men04/05/26 10:32 PM
3

Have you tried a food bank? Also, you are computer savvy. Go put up some fliers about doing general tech repair, especially if there is a senior community nearby. I get roped in every time I visit my elderly mom to fix all kinds of things, usually resetting passwords and making a fridge sticky note with all the different logins (they often confuse the wifi password for their gmail and vice-versa, ha). I've been offered $50-100 dollars but they're my moms friends so I refuse. Edit: Rice is your f…
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:35 PM
1

You're getting butt and taking names, doing fantastic. Nevermind the critics, you are doing the right thing. Also, darn right to let an 18-year old choose for themselves. What you should do is go treat your dang self with a good steak or whatever your favorite food is and have a good meal, then maybe re-watch a classic movie or re-read a long favorite book. Heck, go get a massage or a nice haircut. You earned it.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 07:00 PM
1

This is the way, and the right attitude, my friend. He took a problem off your hands at his own expense! Kind of like having an old mattress where the springs dig into your back and it squeaks like a pack of mice, and some guy just came and took it off your hands and you didn't even need to drag it to the Dump. Right on!
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 06:49 PM
1

Sadly, Missouri is a one-party consent even in one's own home, which is completely ridiculous in my opinion. That somebody can be recorded inside their own domicile without notice or consent is a massive violation of privacy, in my opinion. Well, you can't be talking to her anymore except via lawyer/email/text.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/26 06:40 PM
2

File that report yesterday. Document, Document. Then buy two USB drives and copy the pics of damage and the report copy to both. But the 2nd USB outside the house with a friend or family member or safety deposit box or at least keep it somewhere outside the house, like a locker or desk at work.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:53 AM
2

Just enjoy. Go into it the way you did when you were just playing the field. Oh, and the last guy was always a jerk ;) However, trust your gut. If you feel it's moving too fast, it is.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:52 AM
1

Right on, great explanation of how you conquered the chaos!
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:49 AM
2

I think every guy at some point in any live in, long term relationship begans wondering "Why the heck is she so dang nice, even goes out of her way for the littlest of gestures over the smallest things, but treats me like a dirty dog with never a thanks or a kind word?"
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:38 AM
1

It's actually par for the course. There are three lines of thinking, from reading comments here over the many months: Get ahead of the narrative Wait till the paperwork is finalized and then tell your side. Just continue life. I say the 2nd option is best, but don't obsess. Put out the truth and then go about your business. One big takeaway: Don't assume people dislike you, even if they still talk to your wife. There's social programming. Eventually however, the truth will out. People will compa…
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:33 AM
2

Boredom is probably at the root when women closing most marriages I'd guess from all the stories. If somebody was so awful in bed, the marriage would have never happened to begin with, or ended soon after for those very traditional. If it took years to collapse from money, that wasn't the reason either. Especially if things are the same or better than at the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men30/03/26 02:27 AM
5

Document, document, document. Do as ice cold mentality. Look at cell bills - you have a family plan? Look at CC statements. Run a credit check on yourself and look for accounts you don't recognize, too (dilution of family assets). Do not leave the house, treat her like a roommate. Take critical memorabilia and records out of the house either to a trusted friend, family member, job locker if you have one. Scan and keep a backup on an encrypted USB drive. Look up recording laws in your state - and…
/r/Divorce_Men11/03/26 12:43 AM
1

Yes sir! A phenomenon known as "Husband Goggles". I kept seeing my wife as she looked on the first date, 15 years before the divorce. Left for about a week, came back, and Holy Smokes! It was like the old TV shows where the wife has hair curlers and looks awful. Definitely not hot first date.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 06:26 PM
1

My Ex was a dollar item spendaholic. I almost wished she'd buy mink coats or whatever so I could have gotten some money back. A few days before I decided to divorce her, I found, no joke, dozens of those little makeup pallette plastic things, all with the tape still on them, stacked high the walk-in closet.
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 05:16 PM
2

Yep, there would be no kitchen issues if they spent 1/10th the time fixing it than ruminating about it. Social Media is full of neurotics ruminating to the world about trivial "problems" that are so minor and be solved in seconds. "I can't believe he left his coffee cup in the sink when he left for work at 5:30AM yet AGAIN! And why do I have to go to the ATM to pay the housekeeper, can't HE do that on his way home at 5PM? I have enough Raquetball on my plate this week..."
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 05:13 PM
2

If I had a dollar for every story I've been told about the perpetual vague "Bad ex-boyfriend." It's like the "Only had 2-3 boyfriends" line they use about prior experience the moment they hit adulthood until the end of their days... although boyfriends become ex-husbands. 9 times of 10 when you ask about BadMan(tm)/Ex-Husband you get either a clear half-truth - I call these the "He farted on me for NO reason AT ALL", nebulous pop psych buzz words but no actual facts, or bland "He ignored me/took…
/r/Divorce_Men27/02/26 05:08 PM
2

"I'm not like the other gals" - every gal
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:51 PM
4

"Emotional load" and "Emotional Labor" trigger me. "I'm a dude. My job is to focus on fixing things, not fixate on how I feel or ruminate for hours instead of just fixing it now"
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:50 PM
2

Yes! "Men use emotions as a thermometer." "Ugh Thug is mad. Why me Ugh Thug mad? Me in traffic and hungry and tired. Me take alternative route, eat sandwich, not be in traffic. Still be tired but less hungry and then less angry. Extreme emotion bad, must return to equilibrium, Ugh Thug know that is good and natural." "Women use emotions as a GPS" "I'm so mad! Let me call everybody and emote at them and get their dander up and feed off their emotions. then when I get home I'll be mad with my husb…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:46 PM
8

The answer is Kohlberg's stages. At about 16-21, men leave stage 3, which is "APPEAR (key word) as a good person. Recognize other's social cues" also known as the "Good Boy, Nice Girl" stage. Kohlberg asked 1000s of people in scores of questions HOW they settle a moral/justice question at all stages of life, and this has been endlessly repeated around the world. He wasn't interested in what they decided, but HOW they came to what was moral and just, their reasoning. The results of his testing, a…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:39 PM
7

Husband goggles, or the husband filter, is real. In your case, it's starting to fade. When I first started the divorce, I went away for a week and when I came back to pick up the kids I was like "Wow, how did I not see how... old, she is!"
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:35 PM
1

Dude, same! Goths back in the day were more sweet n' nerdy I feel.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/26 07:33 PM
1

50% fail, of the other 50%, half stink and half are okay to good. So call it a 1 in 8 chance of a good marriage that lasts. And it always "Just goes great" in the beginning.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 07:24 AM
1

Slow cookers are great. Two suggestions: Try making soup in a pot if you like soup, hey, it's winter. Very easy. Pretty much any basic veggie soup recipe from any site or ask Grok. May I suggest an air fryer next? It's not fine cooking, but for making anything from rustic potatoes to a pork chop, it's great and fast. For daily, I'm hungry type meals. Finally, if you like bread, there are a ton of easy bread recipes on the internet. I also got a bread maker at a Thrift Store for $10 and googled t…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:10 AM
2

Great post! Thanks for this. And yes OP, I was about your age when I started the divorce process. It is so PEACEFUL around here now you have no idea.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:08 AM
2

Your first stop should be a family law attorney. Like starting a company, or establishing a trust, or what have you, divorce is primarily a legal process, as marriage is a legal process (completely run by the Laws).
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:07 AM
1

10-15%
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/26 02:05 AM
1

I dunno, a near 50% failure rate, biased by including many Seniors from a very different era still living + the decline of marriage generally is not a good herald. While some promote "Wow, look divorces are going down", they fail to mention the rate of marriages has declined even more, and that the drop in divorce has more to do with Demographics of Aging, yet the demographics of marriage should be INcreasing, given the largest fertile generation is near or at 40 (millennials)
/r/Divorce_Men18/02/26 08:25 AM
1

I don't really know too many people in happy marriages. 1 or 2 older people, which is relative to my age, so that to me is people in their 70s and 80s, I'm just about 50. People married at the very first years of the Sex Rev but mostly raised before that time. The average length of a marriage is about 8 years, mine lasted half as long again. It was okay. But once I ended it, my life got much better almost instantly, and far better after the dust settled. About half of marriages fail and about ha…
/r/Divorce_Men14/02/26 06:41 AM
2

But I don't want any of that, I'd rather... sing!
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 04:00 AM
1

Here's some things you can do: Go through your closet, drawer by drawer and toss out old ratty T-shirts, socks with holes, etc. Think about what you need to have plus a couple of spares and replace. Instead of Amazon, maybe go to an outlet or other store and make chit chat with employees. You can do the same in the garage or linen closet or toolbox: "This silicone adhesive is frozen solid and there's only a tad bit left, not worth the bother of unclogging" "I haven't used a single nail or screw …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:58 AM
1

There's a country song called "It's hard to kiss the lips that chew your ass out all day" I think you're exactly right, you are fundamentally physically attracted to her, but the LACK of her presence is causing the "Best Foot Forward" image of her to reappear in your brain. It's excellent that you have the power to self-reflect on this feeling and draw knowledge of yourself for it. Right on, man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:06 AM
1

How do you measure happiness? Is it self reported? The stat people are certainly not putting secret cameras in the house or mind-reader devices in the married's heads. Even if we just go by divorces, it's about half of all fail. Many, many guys tried to warn me about marriage, even when I was in my 20s and not thinking about marriage. I had the "Ah, but my Ex is a cool, down to Earth gal." And she was, until after the first child, then she got a bit better but not as good as in the beginning of …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 03:02 AM
1

Do it for yourself! I no longer want to get an Archeaology degree (for pure fun, not employment), but University College London has PhDs by remote and is relatively inexpensive.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:58 AM
1

Enjoy yourself, rediscover some old hobbies. Take it slow. Also, remember that you are you, and validation is internal. We all go through phases, like trying to prove our competence/utility, or intimacy, etc. At the end of the road is we all worried way to much about it. Take care of yourself and do the occasional good deed, you don't have to be perfect. A lot of this self-actualization stuff makes people feel terrible for not having every last sector of their lives, be it finance or physical he…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:45 AM
1

But they aren't necessarily happy. They may just be suffering silently, or it's not "Too Bad". 50% is already high - especially considering the much later ages of first marriages today that can no longer be written off as a youthful mistake from inexperience/puppy love. And it also includes older persons married in a much earlier, different era where divorce was a social shame and there were more concrete expectations for partners. I wonder what the divorce rate would be if we only looked at peo…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:41 AM
1

AFTER consulting with an attorney, I would pop into HR and mention "Pardon, I'm going through a divorce, so I might take more leave here and there. I also wanted you to know it's a bit acrimonious, and she's threatened to call into my workplace and make accusations." People love being "in the know" so if she does call/email, the HR people will roll their eyes and say "Yep, here it is. Just as suspected" - it may bias them in your favor.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:36 AM
1

Lawyer up instantly, including keeping a record of things she broke and moments of her seizing your wallet and keys, and of course the communication with the mental health. It would be a great idea to reach out, after consulting with an attorney, consider an affidavit of all those times the other incidents happened. Get a copy of the 72-hour hold and place it with your attorney and perhaps on a USB/paper copy at a separate location she has no access to.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:25 AM
2

Great post. Weaponizing the good intentions she knows the STBX has against him.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 02:24 AM
3

But just as often, the Doctor, Local Real Estate Broker, or other "Big Cheese" has decided he's not leaving HIS wife or has no intention of being married or doesn't want the stress of an LTR, only the fun of a sneaky link. And her return is actually fraudulent, her upgrade attempt got cancelled so she's "understanding now", when really she is biding her time for the next upgrade attempt.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:51 AM
5

When my divorce happened, my cardio vastly improved. Every time I got the feeling of chaos , a long walk/jog was the best medicine. Another good one is a solid purge of your personal minor stuff: "This T-shirt has holes" "I haven't used this adapter in ages, I don't even know what it's for". Careful with any big items, of course, like a sofa. But the feeling of decluttering and simplifying things gave a big feeling of accomplishment and ordering my world.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:15 AM
1

The fact that she makes more? I would even hire a PI at this point, beg borrow $5-$8k. Because it will pay for itself MANY times over. Nothing makes a divorce lawyer happier than when his client has timestamped, objective proof of an affair.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:11 AM
1

Please do look into the potential of adultery. Hiring a PI might cost $5-10k today, but will save you many times that in asset division and in many states will reduce or eliminate any alimony even if they don't have any at-fault option. It will also give you leverage to push the divorce faster and cleaner in any circumstance.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:09 AM
1

Yep, he didn't just leave his mother and kids out of sheer BadMan(tm). I bet she got the 2nd and last child she wanted, and went personality flip mode.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 01:05 AM
1

Yeah, 80% chance she is looking to switch to a new partner now that a new life phase of grown adult kids has emerged. One tell is if she simply disappears after initiating the divorce process. While it's usually the affair fog, sometimes it's struggling to complete the grip on something she guessed would be a sure thing, but wasn't. For example, Affair Target has no intention of divorcing HIS wife, or she was only his 'side piece'. If they were very attractive in youth, and are trying to lock a …
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:55 AM
1

Here's an another analogy: "I have alcoholic genes and come from a family of alcoholics, so I'm not responsible for this DUI. I didn't really start drinking much until my 40s, so I had no experience in coping with it. Drop the charges or you're a mean, insensitive legal system!" She also refused to take the estrogen supplements or whatever medication was recommended by her physician.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:48 AM
1

Especially now we learned the kids are just about done with HS, and the CS is about to change. u/Syloi , how old are you and the spouse?
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:42 AM
1

The fact the kids are just about done with HS is a huge red flag. The CS from the father will be ending soon, and they will get loans by themselves and go to college or get jobs. Syloi, what is the situation with: Phone privacy. Suddenly never leaving arm's length, password changed/replaced, strange odd hour calls/texting. Often "work policy' is the excuse, but somebody big shot enough or handling sensitive stuff would have a work phone issued. Jobs can't dictate what or how owners put or use on…
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:20 AM
1

Yep, and consumers "Shop" and get the best deal they can find that suits their needs for a time. At best, it's like being a brought car. You're an SUV to haul kids or Sports/Luxury Car to enjoy/show off or Light Truck to haul an RV or trailer for big jobs, is what was needed at the time. Now she's in a different phase and needs a different vehicle.
/r/Divorce_Men09/02/26 12:12 AM
3

Don't be too hard on yourself. With time, all wounds heal. I'm very happy now that my divorce is about 2 years behind me, have a new life pace, lots of peace and energy. I call my blindness to her condescending, insulting attitude towards me a "the secret stupid juice she dosed me with while I slept" in hindsight. Perhaps at the end of the anger phase, you will find a humorous analogy to what you experienced. Embrace the anger, it's actually proof of your basic good nature, values, etc. that you…
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 10:33 AM
1

It sounds like body changes are the issue here. You also said "No kids involved that are mine." Does she have some of her own? What are their rough ages?
/r/Divorce_Men08/02/26 10:26 AM
1

Stuck in Moral Stage 3: APPEAR like a Good Person. Key word in caps.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:41 PM
2

For some people it's just their story, and they are the main character, and the point of the story is how they live happily ever after and everybody is there to support that,.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/26 12:36 PM
2

Sounds like you're taking swift and sure action. Don't forget to set aside time for exercise and healthy eating!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 09:22 PM
1

There's this really weird thing where the US has so many lawyers, but so many localities are appointing non lawyers like Social Workers to Muni Court or Family Court judges. People with no formal legal training, who have never had a law degree nor were even paralegals for a time. Really strange. It's not like it isn't a six figure+ job with regular hours in most places that some struggling or burnt out attorneys might like to have.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:57 AM
1

Yep, as a famous divorce attorney once said: "The judge can't really order your spouse to be nicer to you." (Or words to that effect)
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:54 AM
2

Not to be a downer, but Grey divorces are skyrocketing. And a horrid condition, because you no longer have time to repair finances.
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:27 AM
3

It's perfectly fine. I'm 50 and would never get married again. Except maybe to a Princess who came with a dowry of 5,000 acres and an alliance with Duke of Norbury-Montalbano with 500 knights and a few castles and monopolies on flour mills, ha!
/r/Divorce_Men06/02/26 01:24 AM
2

So glad to hear! I also did not have the kids last weekend as I had them most of the Christmas season, now I have them and we have a day hike planned and pancake breakfast and "The Last Starfighter" waiting to watch. Nobody in the background nitpicking or worried which shoes are being worn.
/r/Divorce_Men17/01/26 06:32 AM
5

Oh yeah. Another group/profession once regarded as helping and almost saintly, now known to probably be worse than exotic dancers - who at least are up front about what it is they mostly do.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:21 AM
6

I suspect in the next few years you are going to move from a "Loser" to "Dang, Dad really learned so much in the past few years" ;) and even eventually "Holy crap, Dad was smart and I avoided this because of what he said that time long ago."
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:19 AM
4

Wow! Sounds like you turned some big corners and are moving forward to a better, smoother, enjoyable life! Congrats, man!
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/26 05:14 AM
2

Dogs are amazing and their love is real. It stinks now, but it's Liberation Day. Think of all the things you wanted but were vetoed and plan on getting them and setting them up.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 06:47 PM
3

Drinking down a mighty coffee (choose your own beverage) with no taps for all the Dads out there slaying it. Doing the right thing is it's own reward, and dang anybody who says otherwise. That being said, do something NICE for yourself. Go get that DVD boxed set, fishing rod, or whatever it is you wanted. Control your space! Now that you're on your own make it yours and make it nice, YUGE benefit to coming home to your own digs with your stuff on the walls or on the floor in every room of the ho…
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 06:46 PM
11

Kids will figure it out, especially the 13 year old, pretty fast.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/25 06:43 PM
1

Yes, what you expose yourself to can really change your mental state for better or for worse. I suggest looking at the "Success Story" flagged posts, and skipping others that may be venting or asking for help or support.
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 06:37 AM
1

If it's this bad at 2 years, it sure isn't going to get any better. Therapy can help but ONLY if she is engaged. Plenty of cases on this board of spouses willing to go to therapy and yeah, yeah, yeah or keep switching therapists until they find one that is one-sided. Back in the day, unlocked (at least for some lurkers to browse, or without needing pro identification or referral) Professional Forums for police, lawyers, therapists were great. But they've all been locked down or turned into membe…
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/25 06:34 AM
1

Yep stalling tactic and enjoyable for her to watch the hoop-jumping: Ha, I still got him wrapped around my finger, I'm Awesome and such a Prize, They Shall Love Me And Despair! heh heh heh
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 10:35 PM
1

> She'll find new things you do wrong that "force" her to divorce you unless you fix THAT list and it'll be another list after that and after that. And don't you DARE imply that SHE has anything to fix herself, that'll get you ANOTHER list. It's just a version of washed dish quantity. Or impossible demands for expensive dates with babysitters for intimacy to return when she knows the finances don't allow for that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 10:32 PM
1

> But then, she gets pregnant, and once the pregnancy is over, the baby is born, and the two of them return happily ever after. They've a new love, like a new couple, indeed, now they are "stronger than before". In fact they do things together that they didn't do before. Another thing that often happens: She hit her target number and the intimacy goes bye-bye and never comes back.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 10:14 PM
1

You not only gotta stick around, but keep doing what's best for the kid which means a dad to guide them. Dads are become even more important as a child reaches and hits adulthood. I personally believe when one has a child, one's first duty to to that kid no matter what. Above any other person.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 10:06 PM
2

It could also be that her Attorney told her not to annoy the judge and that it was pointless, but she insisted anyway. Many such cases!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 10:02 PM
5

Something a lawyer would have to do as this changes from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. However, document everything, especially withdrawals - most judges loathe hidden assets and withdrawals - and an encrypted flash drive with a fake folder full of general photos on it as a backup. And another one outside the house, given to a friend for safekeeping or kept at an office or what have you. A good lawyer will ask for a detailed explanation of how how those withdrawals were spent.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:27 PM
1

Document everything. The time you spend as primary/sole caregiver, your contribs to utilities, grocery, mortgage. Consult an attorney. Also document the affair with any evidence available. While many states are No-Fault, most allow At-Fault filings and/or consider adultery when dividing assets. Do not say anything until you have consulted with counsel and have documented, esp. proof of the affair.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:08 PM
1

You remember being a newborn? My first memory is being like 3 and in the back of the car with my dad driving and "Fernando" on the Easy Listening Station. Did somebody tell you you were abused?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:54 PM
1

You can file a judicial order to sell the house. Get a new lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:38 PM
1

You are now roommates. Expect her to clean up after herself. Nothing else needed on your end.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:34 PM
2

Document, document, document contributions of yours vs. hers. See how long you can go into the past with your bank and get a record of payments made.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:22 PM
2

Normal. The blood doesn't flow in and out as it used to with age. Everybody's different but late 40s is normal onset for this. Can finish the job alone no problem, same as you. BUT, if a fly zips across the room or there's a phone ring or anything that distracts me for more than 2 seconds, or if with "Company" I have to switch positions and it takes more than a flash, away it goes. My 2 of my 3 same-age buddies have the same problem. Not like the old days of the 20s and 30s when it took 5 minute…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:02 PM
2

Make new traditions, man! Preferably with humor. Make a roast duck or have a BBQ instead of whatever stuff you ate at Christmas with her in your life. How about a Christmas Eve-Day hike and camp? Music day? etc. On Thanksgiving I watch The Godfather 1&2 again as I did when I was working around the country as a young guy and didn't go home for the Holidays (Retail meant I was almost always working Black Friday anyway)
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:29 PM
1

That and many of those "Forgive the cheater and work even harder" were cheaters themselves, or they don't know their own religion. In one of the most popular religions in the West, adultery is the explicitly named valid reason for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:21 PM
1

Make sure you've documented everything (perhaps spending, time with kids, etc.) first. Anticipate the fallout and what it might do to your situation, before confronting. Many here discussing DIY, but I might talk to a lawyer first. What happens here might cost you much financial pain and time and trouble; consider the cost of a consultation in light of that. Hell hath no fury, and does she have the means to finance a big battle, including her family's help?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 05:19 PM
5

Back at you, man. Have a great sudsy Christmas and some great food.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:55 PM
1

Yep, this is a great Metric. Would you put up from a friend doing this sort of thing? Never mind a friend, how about just a roommate you're kind of okay with, plotting with an ex-con about how bad you are and maximize how much they can grab your things/house things when they move out? If you wouldn't put up with this from a non-romantic relationship, what more a reason not to put up with it from a romantic one?
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 04:54 PM
1

Keep legal counsel if the stakes are high. What is she fighting so hard for with her unlimited budget? What is the financial situation? If you are a high earner, it's better to pay 5 figures today than 6-7 figures (or lose an asset worth as much) later. From the sound of it, there must be assets/salary/custody in play for all this to have gone on so long.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:10 AM
1

Oh yeah. They confuse their ability to feel and recognize emotions from tone, face, etc. cues with the ability to handle emotions in themselves. A great example of this is the "Ick". They can and do get turned off simply by the way a guy made a funny face stepping aside from some dog poop he saw at the last moment. I'm not kidding.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 08:08 AM
5

Not at all, Neo! You dodged a bullet. And you have clarity - the problem was never with you. Document, Document, Document but do not confront her. There is no point. However, consult with legal advice and definitely document the Affair Proof if you can. No kids here so you're in better shape than most. The high road does not mean you owe her anything, unless it directly facilitates her leaving.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:56 AM
1

I found the best whoopie I ever had, looking back, is either at the very beginning of an LTR, or flings. Of all the times under my belt, 8 of 10 of them were outside LTRs and 1 was maybe a few months into an LTR. Only ONE was an LTR and that was like her first boyfriend ever situation when she loosened up psychologically in bed.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:37 AM
1

Here's a way one might think about it: The cancer was worse and in a later stage than you thought, making your survival and recovery so far even more miraculous on your part.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:31 AM
1

Yep, "Ret-conning", from a term in media where an old franchise's characters are re-written to give them a new past to justify an entirely new story arc.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:25 AM
1

Yes, because they were more likely working less to begin with, and the CS/Alimony is less than the husband's full salary.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:19 AM
1

I have a funny teenage story I probably tell almost anybody who knows me a bit. Most people laugh and take it as it was and is meant: Being ignorant of something that ended up funny. My wife re-wrote it in her head to 'explain' my behaviors.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 07:03 AM
5

Imagine what a great father you will be not exhausted, able to plan holidays in advance and pull them off your cool way without being micromanaged and 2nd guessed every second. Tomorrow I'll have the kids starting in the afternoon like I've had for the past few years. Fine for me because I work nights and getting up when the kids do (they're not teens yet) so I get more sleep. Beef Teriyaki and Fried Rice for the big meal, not Turkey and Ham because that's the only thing that's "right" to her. I…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:59 AM
2

Yep. And guys who find themselves clearly washing most/all of the dishes, there will be new barriers erected, such as laundry.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/25 06:41 AM
1

I totally get the confusion thing. Since you're just doing normal things, you don't note the time, date, manner, right? And then somebody starts debating about whatever it was, and you're not sure because, well, who tracks Time Date Location of the small stuff? So at first, you doubt. But then a few times you're sure what happened at what time, because you noticed the clock or whatever, and you slowly realize the gaslight. Or, there's been arguments over it before (say, Trash Takeout) and this t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:21 AM
1

Twitter/X got progressively awful over the years. This isn't about the change of ownership, it's been getting steadily worse over time regardless of who was running it. Back when I first went on around 2015, I'd have all kinds of REAL conversations with humans, even a few celebrity comments and retweets once in a while. There would be lots of engagement, even for small accounts, and going through the replies for one tweet somebody wrote might take a half hour. I would have to remember accounts t…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/25 07:17 AM
12

If she approached and gave you her number, she's your type. Just be clear before any fun stuff happens that you just got divorced and are taking it super slow.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:29 AM
3

You're not cooked, take things slow and there's not every interaction with a women needs lead to marriage or even an LTR.
/r/Divorce_Men27/10/25 08:28 AM
8

Right on, man. You've been liberated. In every liberation a bridge gets blown up and some nice buildings get knocked down. But now you're freer!
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 06:35 AM
1

Yeah, and I bet they (her family) knows all about it, too. "Ah crap, there goes my basement rec room."
/r/Divorce_Men26/10/25 06:34 AM
2

Divorce rates are decreasing, but the marriage rate is even lower than the previous "Panic of 1890s" low. It's never been lower.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:15 AM
6

Yeah, I feel bad, but then I get to hang with the kids. Any guys out there who want a family, you don't have to be married to have kids, just FYI! Paternity is set by the birth cert, not by the marriage certificate.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:13 AM
1

You didn't mention intimacy, which is a private thing. But many women withhold intimacy, then accuse a fellow of porn addiction to get rid of the physical need. Even if that is few and far between. No Porn? Then it's time to come together whenever not praying, fasting, or working, as Paul said (assuming your religion here).
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:07 AM
2

It's your house. Sir, you are not in rebellion; she is.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:05 AM
3

Holy hand grenades of Antioch, when I was making $50k my wife easily dropped $2k every few months on the most Temu crap imaginable. I mean like Claire's Boutique and Dollar General stuff. I found a dozen makeup palletes with the tape still on the hinge, I mean just cheapo items like hair scunchies; most of it was still in the packaging it came in. Then she would complain we didn't have vacation money. Well, don't buy Sheinmart socks and leave them in the box unused.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:03 AM
7

Get back to the house. $2000 of stuff? Who cares. Even if you make near minimum wage in most places that's ~10% of your yearly paycheck. Also, if you're beating yourself up morally, for what? Does she read anything like "50 Shades" or "Werewolf Billionaire Lover" or "Long Haired Cowboy rescues damsels"? Those books are far worse than seeing some topless pics. Give yourself a break. You are a man in your 30s, not a seasoned Patriarch-Prophet with a beard down to the knees. Stop being a servant to…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 05:00 AM
1

Haahahahahaha.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:55 AM
1

Don't feel bad about that. Unstable people often have moments like that even late in life, it seldom lasts. You're down, but if you think of all you've done and uncomfortable crap you had to put up with, that this circus is closing down and the crazy monkeys will soon not be your problem to deal with.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:53 AM
1

Sorry to hear man, but... She cannot just kick you out, you have rights as a tenant. She is not actually doing you a favor. I don't believe there's a state in the union where somebody can be kicked out in less than 30 days, even IF you paid no bills. If you did, you'll have longer or she simply can't kick you out at all, rent or mortgage, I suggest downloading and reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" which I believe is linked in the sidebar. Like, tonight.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:48 AM
3

That she is in a hurry to get paid can be an advantage. Her willingness to run can motivate her hand to sign on something reasonable.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:42 AM
3

No. Custody is custody, and CS is CS. If she wants a nanny, it comes from her budget on her time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:38 AM
2

Trust your gut!
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:26 AM
4

The hilarious thing- when she treats near strangers with more consideration and grace than she does you. Even perennial grumblers or whingers that are mere acquaintances to her.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:24 AM
5

Sir, you are doing everything correct. A near $100k income is strong for a man in mid-career and almost twice the median salary; you still have about 20 years to go to retirement. You are involved in the lives of your children. You make MORE than enough to pay the mortgage. Women keep other women single or make them so. Depending on the state, it may behoove you to hire a PI for a week's surveillance, since some states adultery cancels out any spousal support and impacts the division of assets i…
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:14 AM
5

I assume there was some malfeasance by your STBXW? One strong possibility is that they are ticked off at you... because they know she will soon be their problem.
/r/Divorce_Men25/10/25 04:08 AM
2

Now you're in the King Chair ruling over a domain that's quiet and orderly!
/r/Divorce_Men21/10/25 03:14 AM
3

Loyalty = Opportunity. Social Media/OLD has created far more opportunity. Also, women used to narc on women more often, that's disappeared.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:11 AM
2

No longer your mortgage, no longer your HVAC to maintain.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:09 AM
5

Your story reminds me of one thing for any guys reading this sub: Chances are in the beginning, and probably for a while, she actually *enjoyed* being intimate. What happens is when they get the "blame the husband for everything" glasses on, your past steamy moments get retconned into "I never liked it". As silly as it sounds, don't take it personal. It's her current feelings changing her past feelings in her mind. Just the way it is.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:03 AM
1

Imagine your ideal living space. Quiet, peace, no eggshells. Logical order, pictures/posters you like, comfortable, easy to maintain furniture...
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 02:00 AM
1

It's awesome. Imagine a logical kitchen, with the spatchula within hand's reach of the stovetop. Not having to push all kinds of never-used yet displayed for guests cookware out the way to make simple meals. Not having to toss 6 accent pillows to lay on a bed or couch...
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:59 AM
1

I came back early from a camping trip to my Buddy's house (endless rain) on a Sunday morning and as we put our wet packs and jackets down, saw a skinny dude with his belt loose and one hand holding up his jeans, running for the fire escape. His G/F comes out a minute later in a nightgown pretending nothing happened, and makes the mistake of trying to gaslight both two guys at the same time, one of which isn't romantically involved with her (me). First, there was no guy, though we stood there ope…
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:52 AM
6

This is probably outside most guys' comfort zone. Recruit her family. Tell her mother, aunts, sisters (if stable), etc. what is happening. The only way to stop this is an alternate source of feminine-oriented whispering the opposite "advice" in her ear that her "Friends" are giving her.
/r/Divorce_Men20/10/25 01:46 AM
3

I had a gal who was far more into me than her. One night, after months of regular nightly visits with no tablecloth candlelit dinners at all, I grabbed her some candy when I went out for smokes. In a second, I went from Studly McGee to Urkel in her eyes. That's all it took, one absent-minded barely thoughtful deed.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:04 PM
3

Yes, my best and easiest Bedroom Partners did not require tablecloth dinners or excessive romance. If they make it easy, it's good. If they make it hard, they're not that into you. Gals talk a big game about being wooed and romanced, but if they find the man attractive, they will generally be very agreeable.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:02 PM
3

This is right on. Also, there's a Drama/Stability see-saw. When the get the latter, they want the former. When they have too much of the former, they want the latter.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 11:00 PM
3

Adultery should be criminally punished and a criminal record created. Even if the punishment is tepid, like 40 hours of community service or a night in jail or something. If one defrauded a business partner for a lousy $100 from the petty cash fund, they'd be charged and it would be a criminal record. Why would somebody be against a contract defaulter having a record?
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 10:57 PM
5

When many see men behaving nice, they compare it to the lower social status gal who is being nice to the other gals so she can be included. Niceness is interpreted as weakness. That's how they view it. They also want what others want.
/r/Divorce_Men17/10/25 10:55 PM
1

Awesome! Glad to hear! Nothing clears the mind as that, nowhere to be, nobody to answer to!
/r/Divorce_Men09/10/25 10:15 AM
2

Congrats. Be sure to tell us any new stuff you're getting into. Don't forget to make your new digs yours. Go out and splurge on some decor you like, posters, pictures, bobbleheads, whatever is your thing. If you wanted a nice vinyl couch (and can afford it, or have time to sale or thrift) and you couldn't have one because cats or whatever, go splurge. It's hugely healing, and a way to express your self-autonomy.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 08:40 AM
2

Right on brother! And to her: Left off, Sister! Left off Alimony. Nice W!
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 08:36 AM
2

No Russian Hands in the romance department, heh (Chaperone Joke). Don't push yourself to be romantic if you're not in the mood. Take your time.
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 08:36 AM
1

Yes, because the feelings come first and the rationalization/history rewrite later. I'll slap a twenty down that she either didn't mention any of those issues with you before she went outside the marriage, or at least didn't plainly communicate they were important. I've heard the "We never do anything fun together" from women who were just taken on a week cruise a month or two before, or have regular date nights. In one case, the date nights were mysteriously cancelled, replaced by girls nights …
/r/Divorce_Men08/10/25 08:22 AM
2

My grandma also! She read those steamy, longhaired man novels in her 90s! She actually passed while eating crackers and jam while reading those books, stood up too fast, and sadly had a stroke... but she lived a heckuva long time.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:34 AM
1

Exactly. I had ex-girlfriends who watched with me. My ex did not have a problem either. I can't imagine in 2025 somebody having an issue with a spouse reading a chapter of "Dusk: My Vampire and Werewolf Lovers Fight over Mary Sue" or watching people have whoopie on some internet site for 15 minutes every other night. That's not a paraphilia, which is defined as a sexual preference that interferes with everyday activites (driving, working, etc.) Now if they were * running off to the bookstore or …
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:20 AM
1

This is the point I am trying to make.
/r/Divorce_Men05/10/25 04:17 AM
2

Yep, I knew a vegan, dating a cousin. Nuttier than a fruitcake. Would intentionally invent problems to make everybody kowtow to her dietary regime. For example, if somebody had a big celery and carrot and potato dip plate for her, she's invent some allergy to celery or whatever and demand my cousin leave the party and run to buy her some Vegetarian Rolls instead
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:14 PM
1

Some say "Let your Freak Flag Fly" After reading that I say "Let that thick cut bacon Fry!" Right on man. Cyberpunk is on my list, too. May your BLTs be delicious!
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:12 PM
8

If you mean becoming the AP, not interested. Why open yourself up to drama, profit off the misery of what is probably a regular decent guy, and potentially physical harm. Also, many cheaters can become dangerous stalkers themselves. If it Floats, Flies, Or... Ducks? Rent it by the hour.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 10:11 PM
1

No, it's not something either Fauxtrads or Weathermen are interested in. School of Life. "Porn Addiction" is a fauxtrad thing that keeps "Happy Wife, Happy Life" teachings to comport with society going. I'm sure they have doctored stats that prove it's a big deal, when Romance Media, Social Media is a far bigger marriage destroyer.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:49 PM
1

Again, the vast majority of men prefer actual sex to porn. The first question a counselor should ask: "How much non-duty sex do you have a week". Especially if the couple is young. And I would bet you 9 times of 10, the sex stopped before the porn took off.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 09:40 PM
5

You have to put a boat on and off a trailer, wash off the salt water, constant maintenance, pay to store it, make principal and interest payments... But charter one and it's all fun, and you bring it back to the dock, get in your car and stop and get a coffee or hot wings on the way home.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:41 PM
5

Do people shame middle aged women in menopause for taking estrogen? Why shame middle/older age men for taking TRT?
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:39 PM
0

How old are the kids? Is it possible to do some bands or weights or a treadmill at home? I tried taking the kids on a hike but my youngest is 7 and can't really keep pace.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:38 PM
1

Men almost always prefer sex acts to porn. The first thing a pastor or counselor should do with "porn addiction" is turn to the wife and say "You're available 2-3x a week, right, with enthusiasm, not an "if you must" attitude, correct?" Men hate the "Ugh, if you havvvvve to" stuff and then they will prefer porn to that. Wives are responsible for things happening in a marriage, too. I have heard women claim middle aged husbands who masturbate for 20 minutes twice a week to topless pics are "addic…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:33 PM
2

It's wild, they smear for months in advance, often, but hit the roof if you describe what happened in the most neutral, flat, brief way for a minute one time.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:31 PM
3

Yeah, hobbies are the key. Stamps, Woodworking, Hiking, whatever. Instant subject to talk about.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:28 PM
7

Pay attention gentlemen, keep your friends from before marriage. I'm glad I did. The husbands are following their wives who want to talk with other women and have the kids play together (if young enough). They don't want a man around - especially a divorced one who might reveal some tricks and tips about excuses and false justifications to their husbands.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:26 PM
6

Porn is just the excuse. If he didn't, it would be too much routine, too little routine, works too much, not ambitious enough, doesn't wash enough dishes even though I'm a SAHM and he's a 50-hour a week worker (but I never said any of this before I cheated), etc. People claim porn addiction when they've cut off intimacy for years and the husband is just taking care of physical need a few times a week for a few minutes late and night, in no way interfering with anything in life. Plenty of example…
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 07:22 PM
3

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" is recommended in the sidebar - Might be worth a read.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:45 PM
6

Be aware, start documenting/noting discrepancies, and start thinking what's going on. Definitely time to have a conversation about her working. That is very important.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:35 PM
6

Cool, so married women can't read Bodice Rippers, which are mostly porn? If they choose Shamus the Immortal Highland Warrior or Johhny six gun the Outlaw Cattle Rustler or have the Werewolf and Vampire fight over them? "My husband looked online at porn, which is totally worse than me reading Minotaur Farm" (The last one has something like 10k's reviews on Amazon and definitely isn't aimed at straight men. 10k's reviews of Goodread and most people don't review so you can bet it's got like half a …
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:28 PM
13

It's just her rationalization. There's a deep set thing in the firmware for them not to just admit they were selfish and did wrong, but that it was caused by somebody else working too much/not working enough/routine/lack of routine/insert excuse like porn or sports or video games or fishing too muchhere. Be angry, but use it productively. Document, Gym/Run/Hike, and Stack Bills with overtime if you can get it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/10/25 06:27 PM
1

Document, document, document. Keep a journal of everything the ex says and does involving you and your daughter. You are clearly the stable parent.
/r/Divorce_Men29/09/25 02:12 AM
6

Correct. Pay attention to signs, aka "Red Flags". Sudden hiding of the phone, a sudden password or new password and stops leaving it wherever. Sudden drop off in bedroom fun. 1-2x/week to 1x/month or less in a short period. New overtime or weekend afternoon/nights "out with the girls" despite having the same job and circle of friends that never took so much attention but now suddenly does. OR, strange change in routine. (Example: Office or retail worker who generally did the same shifts for year…
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:54 AM
1

And now it can be community property, like it should. Lawyer up and document like a mad man. The latter will make you feel like you're taking action and will probably help. Cash back whenever you pump gas or buy food.
/r/Divorce_Men24/09/25 01:35 AM
1

Yep, they will even send texts in bed with the AP and say "Just another hour of overtime" or "I'm playing cards with Aunt June."
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:43 AM
9

Attitude is everything. Imagine coming home and NOT having to walk on egg shells. To be able to leave a dish in the sink or kick off your shoes and just relax for an hour and digest before taking care of it without being attacked. If you're like most men, chances are everything was laid out the way she pretty much wanted it, from paint color to the look and feel of the sofa. Now it's your chance to make your space in your style. I'd search for some styles and think of restaurants or sports bars …
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:38 AM
2

Good post. I've seen Social Media pages where a couple that was all smiles at a vacation not a few weeks ago announce their breakup or divorce. Much is performative.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:32 AM
2

I had a somewhat different reaction. My condo is next to a hotel. I'd say 80% of couples are bickering loading/unloading the car for their holiday. I actually emphasize more with married men. Also noticing couples bickering at grocery stores, restaurants, etc. more often. It's made me realize the grass isn't greener. I'd say at least half of all marriages are at least very difficult, if not downright awful. And half of all marriages end in divorce, most within about 20 years.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:30 AM
2

Mark Twain said a man dies twice, the first time around age 27. I think he had this in mind when he said that.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:28 AM
2

The Moral High Ground nonsense is one of the main reasons I filed for divorce. Many reports that this is a common thing, it's not a gaslight.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:26 AM
3

Your intuition is correct. Do not raise a family with this person. You are STILL young. Nor is it a waste, you learned much about yourself and what you can and cannot put up with.
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:24 AM
1

As you probably know, but mentioning it for other guys in this situation: "Never Take Them Back"
/r/Divorce_Men15/09/25 06:16 AM
14

Consult with an attorney ASAP. If she's willing to draw up a settlement now, make hay while the sun shines. She sounds like a walkaway wife, dreaming of Eat, Pray, Love, Lifetime Movies and Romance Novels. There is probably somebody or somebody she has in mind. Do not confront, just document her behavior and yours. Mention to the attorney she wants to leave. See if you can actually HELP her move into a nearby apartment. Kids first. Yourself next.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:59 AM
2

Griffin is a GREAT recommendation.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:57 AM
8

Write it down, time and date, no joke. This will A) Make you feel like you took some action, because in this situation confrontation is a no-no. She WANTS you to go upstairs and tell her to stop. And B) Might actually help you.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:56 AM
3

Correct. Two other Great pearl of wisdom: "Gather Evidence Quietly" - since they will Trickle Truth or Deny and cover up better, maybe Lovebomb. "Write it down, keep a log/spreadsheet" - helps you realize you aren't crazy and helps gathering evidence. Huh, pottery class every Thursday, now every Thursday and Saturday evening, I never see any vases or anything or even pictures of them to me or her Social Media. That's odd.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:48 AM
1

You know what they say... Oldest Teenager in the House.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:16 AM
2

They tell themselves stuff until they believe it. Perhaps maybe 20-30% are aware that they really behaved badly, but most of THOSE just brainwash themselves, too.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:15 AM
1

Yes, and somehow the less "Available" the guy is, the more Enthusiastic they are. So if they have a guy who is fed up and fear losing him, WOW, suddenly their sex drive is back. Alternatively, if they are trying to trade up, the wife who had a litany of physical and emotional excuses not to be intimate with her husband she once took to like Muskrat Love, will instantly find her Mojo back and be jumping all over the target guy. No new workout, diet, or medicine required.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:13 AM
2

I'm floored, as a guy who came of age in the late 80s- early 90s, how many very average women are treated as goddesses just by virtue of not being heavy. And how many very heavy 20-somethings that would have been happy to get a date with Tom the Trekkie are now talking about 6+6+6 and are easily hooking up with guys 3-4 pts above their level. Like 3s with 7s.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:08 AM
3

Yep. Guy has a job with long hours, makes great money "You're not around, I'm sooo lonely" Guy gets job with regular hours, makes less money "You're around too much, stifling me. Also you're not ambitious." Seriously. If they marry the busy self-employed guy or long hours guy OR if they marry the steady Eddie, the outcome is always the same, only the Excuse changes.
/r/Divorce_Men14/09/25 07:04 AM
1

There is good and bad about being in the military. The bad is that they will garnish your paycheck or even demote you if there are divorce issues. However, make an appointment to talk to a JAG about divorce. You have free legal counseling, find somebody you are comfortable with. Talk to your NCO and officer about the marital troubles; keeping them in the loop. Divorce is endemic in the military and they will have tips and strategies to help you cope and defend yourself and point you out to resou…
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 05:07 PM
1

Good Guess, but no, South America.
/r/Divorce_Men08/09/25 05:02 PM
2

Wowing the gals is a pretty big part of life. Without it, it's sometimes a little empty, but more than makes up for it with FREEDOM and being liberated in so many choices from cars to decor.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:59 PM
2

Awesome, excellent. Might wanna copy to a spreadsheet/word doc, and put it a copy on a USB drive, too. All power to you, man.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/25 06:58 PM
1

Not women bad, but sexual dynamics. A cat is not 'bad' for being carnivorous; a cow is not bad for being a herbivore
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:44 AM
1

Don't do it. Your kids come first. You're asking them to share space and time with you ONLY if a strange woman and a special needs adult child are around as well.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:38 AM
1

Bwahahahahahaha
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:32 AM
2

Similar to my situation. Though the divorce threat was new, and instead of a frying pan it was her saying that stupid, overdramatic complaining of having to be a normal adult, now called a "Mental Load"
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:30 AM
1

The phrase "Mental Load" GTFO with that crap.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:28 AM
1

The good news, despite all the worst case scenarios, is that education COUNTS. If a first year music teacher at a public school can make $40k to start, the courts can and will consider that vis-a-vis her Bachelor's and her mostly completed Masters. Definitely a good lawyer should bring up the almost-complete Masters degree.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:23 AM
1

Drama Llama
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:19 AM
18

Sorry bud, it's time not to be supportive of her anymore. It's time to document, consult with an attorney, and maybe get a P.I. Let me say this: Women have the memory of an elephant and are very feelings based. They will bring up stuff from years ago that has nothing to do factually with a situation, but because the emotions they are feeling now call up some of the emotions from then. If she knows your ex got tattoos just before she left you, she is doing the same thing to try to encourage you t…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:15 AM
1

Awesome, I gotta remember to read all replies before I do. TOM BRADY. Probably one of the greatest NFL players in history, playing long beyond the time most men are long done. Model-level good looks. Great guy and leader by all accounts. STILL got cheated on
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 07:00 AM
1

When I was younger, I was the MAN... until I wasn't. Then I realized the other guy was also the MAN, until he wasn't. Perhaps 5-10% of the time a gal is really into a guy for any length of time over a year or so, then they get borrrrrred. Tom Brady Philipe, King of Spain (and yachtsman, Economist, over 6', James Bond level style and looks, and an inherited title of an ancient Royal Family that can't be earned) Sly Stallone Kevin Costner All these guys were A-level in their fields, legends even, …
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:58 AM
1

Awesome man, right on. Thanks for your list. Setting the vibe is super important.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:49 AM
2

Cool. And you're putting the amounts, dates, and confirms into a spreadsheet? Also document the things you do with the kids and how long. Sounds petty, but it's important.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:37 AM
3

Many others said in this thread: Document (including the time with kids), consult with attorney, think about a Private Investigator (who might save you 6 figures over a decade or so for 5 figures today). When women flip mode, there's usually somebody else, or they're THINKING about someone, often somebody in particular.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:34 AM
1

Yep, the best thing about leasing, renting, or paying for a meal: When you're done, you can get up and walk away. No need to re-trailer the boat, haul it back, repair it, when you take it back to the charter's dock. No need to wash dishes, sweep up the crumbs, when you pay the bill and leave the restaurant.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:29 AM
1

Only you can make the relationship your identity. Don't feel bad, it's the default setting in our therapeutic based, less masculine world. What do you enjoy? What do you think your purpose is, beyond romantic connections? One thing guys in generally do today that men of 3-4 generations never did: Make all their downtime about their family and/or wife.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:26 AM
1

There's actually research into this and divorce does run through workplaces, family members, friends, and even Churches like a plague. One or two go and then many more follow.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 06:14 AM
3

No worries, my kids switched schools this year also. I actually wish the school my kids go to would communicate LESS. They send a message for every late bus, including ones my kids aren't on. Every day at 2PM it's like clockwork: "The rocketship bus is running 15 minutes late." I've missed stuff BECAUSE of their overcommunication, I started tuning it out. "Another bus email, sigh"
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 05:55 AM
5

What remains of my BS tolerance (above a basic level of Small Talk) has evaporated! The great news is that I have ascended approval, the downside is that it feels a little emptier in some ways. But there is always real, lifelong interests to pursue and enjoy.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/25 05:53 AM
1

First, find a health care professional and get them to document you need to reduce hours. Explain that you're tired, stressed, depressed, etc. Like "Clammy Hands" in that 80s movie, "Panic Attacks" thinking about work are probably a close equivalent. Find the money, because it will save you many many times over what the one office visit will cost you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:31 AM
1

My final straw for me was my ex-wife showing me a TIkTok with some fake SAHM talking about "The Mental Load". "Fake SAHM" because the woman in the video was married to a lawyer who worked 60 hours a week and she was complaining that as an "Entrepreneur", her husband never checked to see if the milk was almost out at 6AM when he left for work. Her "Entrepreneurial" business? Private Labeling cheap imports and hawking them on Etsy. If I can find her, I wonder how things are with them 5 years down …
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:20 AM
1

Yep, the point where the only time you think about her is, "How can I arrange the transfer so she can't mess it up" Once you have some distance, you chuckle at all the times she tried to juggle 5 things at once, failed, and blamed you for it.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:03 AM
1

One of the best things about more women having degrees (in fact they outnumber men now under 40-50) is that the degree itself is proof they can work, even if they haven't worked in years.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 09:00 AM
1

Yeah, It's NOT Hormonal!! when she wants to do it and thinks she is leveling up. It is menopause when she is dealing with the fallout, gets caught in a way she can't explain away, or a few years later when she wants to come back and get repaired and freeload.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 08:59 AM
1

And men that age think with the big head and want peace and quiet and not eternal "Let's go here, let's go there, my car is so old, been driving it for 3 years now, are you really going to sit on that couch after working 50 hours even though I just binged watched 2 entire seasons of Hospital Drama show in the last two days." etc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 08:50 AM
9

Good heavens, that is wild. "Remember at 12 you crossed the highway beyond your bike boundaries to get a Frosty from Wendy's, huh? Well I abandoned my family." LOL Feel for ya, buddy. What a mess. Take good care of yourself and enjoy your kids!
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:07 AM
1

Right on!
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:03 AM
1

Yes, the Awareness is descriptive not prescriptive. What one does with the Awareness is up to the individual. It's very clear that men doing the ultra Mr. Goodbar and mannity man to the uppity up max happy wifin' to a happy lifin' is no longer a successful strategy.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 05:01 AM
2

Yeah, it's more of a mental virus. Good on ya man, you did right. Treat yourself good and eventually a lot will be off your back.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:59 AM
1

Solipsism and the default level of it is higher among them. Only 3% of the population is a Narcissist, but the OP's situation is just too common for these behaviors to be psychological disorders.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:58 AM
14

Good heavens, the Solipsism. Teens are supposed to be a little wild, full of hormones and dealing with the greater world with more autonomy than ever. Middle Aged women aren't supposed to tear down their whole family and life to Eat. Pray. Love.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 04:52 AM
6

The angle I come at it is, kids half the time but QUALITY time without the wife nitpicking about "pool sandals vs. sand sandals" and "ZOMG, three towels per child!" and "noooo! You can't put this luggage under that luggage, take it all out and repack the entire cargo area, reee!" type stuff is much more valuable. Plus your less stressed, authentic self in 100% of finances, time, and lifestyle are better for the kids and for yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:54 AM
4

And, I dunno if it was on this board on somewhere else, but she drops some cheese on the floor, sighs frustratedly, and LOOKS AT YOU. As if you personally designed the cheese packaging and somehow made her drop the cheese on the floor. That is a major red flag. If you are a guy and you get this intuition repeatedly, pay more attention. This is called "Hubby is responsible for all my frustrations, and I should never be frustrated ever in life if I'm a wife" attitude. or "Blame Hubby" Goggles.
/r/Divorce_Men20/08/25 01:49 AM
1

The problem with those is they still include people of older generations. If we looked at marriages under 55 the different would be there, but less profound. Another factor skewing the numbers is that younger people marry less, and unmarried people, of course, don't get divorced. Which provides some misleading numbers. Kind of like Median Sales Price in Real Estate making some people think their ask price isn't that bad. When the Median Sales Price is only calculated on CLOSED sales and can actu…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:53 AM
1

What everybody else said but insist, absolutely on a Paternity Test. It's not optional. And the more she fights you on it the more likely the worst case scenario is correct. Repeat: There is NO substitute for a paternity test and SIGN NOTHING (ie Birth Certificate) until the test comes back.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:49 AM
3

Many get the "Ick" over the smallest things or temporary conditions that will pass. In the beginning, she really did want the kids and the marriage. AFTER her feelings change, she "Retcons" the story to as if she she never wanted those things. Imagine still having the hormones you did when you were like 13, but being slightly more mature in daily life and thinking process. That's basically it. It's like a childhood hobby that one day somebody realized was lame in their late teens/early 20s. It's…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:47 AM
3

Men: "Can I really buy this new guitar when I haven't brought anything worth more than $100 for myself in years? Should I really buy a slightly more expensive car because I have a long commute and it'll be a little more comfortable?" Women: "Yes, I DO indeed deserve a whole new Bedroom Set, 2nd expensive vacation by air this year, etc."
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:40 AM
4

Oh man, the whole "Considerate thing you did is really an attempt to butter me up or manipulate me" thing. Or, "It's what you're SUPPOSED to do." But when she does things you didn't ask for, like buy you 3 polo shirts because she wants you to wear them, when you hate polos (and it's not like I'm a slob, I just prefer button up shirts, for example), no matter how much you said or tried them previously and said you don't like them... You're an unappreciative guy. Or when she does things for hersel…
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:37 AM
4

Make a list of some things you always wanted to do, go, etc. Could be stuff from back in your teens and 20s. Sometimes listening to nostalgia will trip your memory. Take up hiking and couldn't do it because the wife hated it or had a chore list or made you feel guilty for going off for an afternoon? You can do it now!
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:34 AM
1

There's a channel called Hit The Bricks/SSM on Youtube, and the story you tell is so familiar. The ring goes on and/or the kids come out, and it's like Dr. Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. "And the Academy Award for Best Actress Goes To..."
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:33 AM
3

OH YES. Coming home, kicking your shoes off, not being hit with a mix of complaints and emotes, and trying to be "Managed and Manipulated" the moment the foot is in the door.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:30 AM
1

This is a technical question for which a lawyer is needed. I would say that attempting to refuse you to attend your Daughter's bat mitzvah (Basically a Confirmation equivalent for those who don't know what it is) or any reasonable family members (definitely Grandparents, Siblings, Half-Siblings) is going to be a major no-no and the court will put a stopper on that behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:24 AM
2

Definitely consult with a lawyer before making any moves. Another thing is to see if a family member will "Invest" in your company/partnership. After the divorce they can sell the share back to you. See what an attorney says about both these things. Also, do anything possible to get her employment, no matter how minimal the hours. If she has a degree or training that is helpful to you, also, even if she isn't using it. Does she have any family members at all?
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:14 AM
2

Yeah, it destroys any notion of special female intuition or empathy. When am I supposed to mow? At 10PM at night with a headlamp so I can see where I'm going and either wake up the babies or be enemy #1 of the neighborhood: "The crazy guy who makes noise at 10PM" Ha!
/r/Divorce_Men18/08/25 06:11 AM
2

Yep, women have told me women do stuff like this to rile up, including other women when they are disputing. I find thinking "Psychological Warfare" and putting it the "Psyops carried out by Opposition Force Alpha" mental folder is a great way to deal with such things. Just like a rival or enemy tries to jam your thinking to get the upper hand. Or boxers talking smack before a fight.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 06:51 PM
12

After a morning of mowing and pool cleaning, with her having a streaming binge for 3-4 hours, finally sitting on the couch. She suddenly appears, duster in hand: "Won't ANYbody HELP around here?" Literally 10 minutes before, when I had my shower, she was vegging out almost half a season through. Some people really are amazing.
/r/Divorce_Men16/08/25 08:12 AM
7

I barely have any interest in an STR. If I had to choose between going on 5 dates ending in home runs and a guitar or new computer parts, I'd pick the latter.
/r/Divorce_Men15/08/25 04:29 AM
1

Oh no, this is BAD NEWS. Go to a professional or better yet a doctor and make sure they take notes. Tell them EXACTLY this phrase. This is not a joke. Especially since you wrote "Escape this relationship". Take action THIS DAY. Warn anybody you trust - family, friends, even a boss or coworker - that this was said.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:45 PM
1

Correct. One thing I am pondering... the order of compliments. If the compliments start with and mostly contain things like "Thoughtful, generous, considerate" stuff like that, bad news. More dumping negative emotions on you, more calls for acts of service, less bedroom fun. If they're "Sexy, Daring, Fun, Wild, Manly, Strong, etc." generally you'll have a better time, more respect for a longer time, better bedroom fun, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:42 PM
1

You did your best and from the sounds of it, you're doing great. Nothing wrong with putting in a barb at the car with her and the boytoy. One word answers are ideal - Happy Birthday? "Thanks". Keep it civil with her mother as possible. I take it you consulted with a lawyer. Cameras are cheap and almost any state will let you video the entryway of your home. Clarity is a gift, enjoy the silence. No more having to put up with her emotional states when you're beat from work.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:27 PM
0

If you own a boat, you have to trailer it or keep it dockside. While you're working, It's out there on the sun with the salt air blowing so you better hose it down, and all that salt air and sun does a job on lines and sails and decks and upholstery. You often spend more time and money keeping it going and moving it around and shopping for parts than actually enjoying being out on the water. At first, you might take out the boat every weekend or other weekend. Then it's such a chore maintaining …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:11 PM
2

Right on! I had a few hookups after the end, but you know what? I had a great time in my teens and 20s. I find more than one or two small tattoos unattractive and many women now have big colorful sleeves now or random doodles all over. I prefer brunettes and redheads, but as a man in my late 40s... most women in my dating range go blonde to hide the grey. I think of diseases, and worst of all...... ...having to listen to recaps of Streaming TV shows, that Lana told Hannah that Jana saw Roseanna …
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 12:00 PM
2

Some kind of Dementia is also a possibility. Early Onset Dementia can happen in the 50s (I assume from the length of marriage it's at least that) Uncommon, but it happens.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:51 AM
3

This was my thought right here, which is why he needs to talk to somebody STAT. At least so there is a record. In the aftermath she might try to pass the buck or accuse him of whatever she does.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:45 AM
2

It's a very good idea to talk to somebody that is professionally licensed and keeps case notes. Just in case something bizarre happens, some 3rd party has a record from before it happened that you expressed concerns about your wife's visions and mental health. Second, and this ties into the first: Document. Keep a journal of her predictions. Ask to record some of her prophecies. Lock up the book or put it on a computer and back it up with a flash drive. Call the file "BooksToRead" or "FishingSpo…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:43 AM
1

Arrrrooo! The Wolf is on the prowl. Good work, buddy.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:25 AM
2

Yes. It's DEscriptive, not PROscriptive. What one does with the info is up to them. Stay Single? Be Aware? Don't get married but have relationships? Who knows. There was a lot of trial and error and gerryrigging in the system we abandoned 50-60 years ago that made it barely function. The false conception was that we KNEW things the old knuckle dragging supersititous primitives of yesterday didn't. Even then, men had many of the same problems we do today (Coldness, Nagging) but at least there was…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 11:09 AM
1

Try to help her get the best job she can get if she doesn't have a pretty good one (hopefully as much or more than you), then file. It won't get any better. There are people who will try to guilt trip you into staying, and frankly, many of them aren't even so motivated by ideology as the fear that THEY are needlessly putting up with disrespect, condescension, etc. When the General Oliver Cromwell had an idea, he tried to execute it three solid tries. If it didn't work out, he assumed that Provid…
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:47 AM
2

The Eat. Love. Pray / Sex And The City thing.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:41 AM
3

The Eat. Pray. Love books mentality. Check out the story of the author of the book, I'll leave it at that.
/r/Divorce_Men14/08/25 10:23 AM
1

I think you did great. Multiple opportunities given, and the kids are old enough and deserve to know what's what.
/r/Divorce_Men03/08/25 04:00 AM
3

You still have a role and can never be replaced in it: FATHER. You have a duty to look after your son's health, and that includes fiscal and moral health. Abandonment has always been a valid, legal, and moral cause for divorce. Document the time she spent away. Consult with an attorney immediately. Full PAPA BEAR mode, this isn't about you and her any more. This is about protecting your son and providing him the safety and resources he needs to develop.
/r/Divorce_Men13/06/25 06:29 AM
2

Go and have fun. Keep everything light and simple. Pets and Movies and Music and light stuff. Expect nothing. Do not be overly romantic, either. Do not discuss exes.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:56 AM
1

Children can get loans or scholarships - provided they go into something important. College is not what it was even just 30 years ago. Most People are far better off with certifications or trades as they are faster to gain and employ. The days of "Just get generic business degree/libarts degree from any college and you'll do fine" are over. With tons of free or low cost courses in everything from Music Theory to the Great Books to Philosophy, there is no reason to spend 6 figures to "Be well rou…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:40 AM
3

Man, the energy level stuff you mention is dead on target. And no compliments or appreciation either. Once of the big awakenings was she visited relatives overseas and got the rest of her things for about 10 days. I was working F/T with a 5 year old alone and it was EASIER WITHOUT HER. In fact, I smiled more and had more energy do to more things on the weekend around the house and with my son. Real breakfast for my son - toast, eggs, piece of sausage - every morning, not some whacky frozen muffi…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:32 AM
2

Ha! Reminds me of my ex. "Oh sure we can get from Hialeah to North Miami Beach in half an hour on a Tuesday evening to make this appointment" And she grew up there! It's like, what reality are you in?
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:28 AM
2

Ah, Army of Darkness! Forgot about that one. Queued up for the kids this summer, thanks. We watched Aliens, Spaceballs, Star Wars, and the entire Hombre Sin Nombre Trilogy. My 11 and 7 year old are humming the "Wah, wah, wah" theme.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:26 AM
1

Yep! 4 bowls, 4 plates, and 4 metal cups. 3 of those 4 on weekends or summers only. All 4 only during holidays or occasional friend visits. Most of the time I just wash the same cup, bowl, and plate. A few foam plates for messy meals with the kids. Next step is to take this ridiculous 9x14 kitchen and turn it into a lounge, like the old Chinese restaurants, nice and dark with padded seating and just one length of 9' wall for all the cooking. Meal Prepping so I'm never out of something to grab fa…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:21 AM
1

What horrendous circumstances we have to witness your beautiful writing. Take excellent care of yourself, and keep reaching out to your children. Don't be ashamed of this story, tell them too, they have a right to know.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 04:16 AM
2

Many such cases. Most women who got a nice payout in divorce facea whole different reality 2-3 years later after blowing it on "Me Time Spa Days" and Trips and Cruises with the gals and new vehicles and new furniture and new Live. Love. Laugh. posters.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:49 AM
2

Synths are already great, though the AI has a way to go. There are 1000s of head types and 100s of body types from petite waif to amazon to short and chubby to whatever, of all tones. Some of them have such realistic faces and even scan bodies of real women for precise measurements. I'm talking down to hand lines and the discoloration around knees and elbows as well as pores. The famous "Real Doll" has long been surpassed and the price is fractional of what they were. This isn't grandpa's inflat…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:45 AM
1

Many men would be fine with a plain and/or older lady who was warm and kind. The issue is they want to be wooed as if they were Hollywood Starlets, and want men to be enthralled that they are the Assistant Manager for Accounts Receivable at Midstate Office Supply at 55 years old.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:42 AM
1

One of the biggest shocks in the past 10 years is there are young women of very unhealthy and unattractive appearance who in my day (late 80s-90s) would have been over the moon just to get asked to go to the comic book store with very schlubby and socially awkward Tom the Trekkie. I mean gals below merely a little plain Most of these now think they are Heaven's Gift to Mankind. Women who would be considered pretty average back 10+ years ago are now automatic hotties just by virtue of having a BM…
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:40 AM
2

Stay single. If you enjoy women for a little femininity or caring, go travel for a couple of weeks overseas to Asia or South America and meet some nice ladies for dating only. Play the exotic foreign man who takes them out to dinner and the mall, but don't marry them and never bring them back to the States under any circumstance.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:36 AM
1

The picture of Dorianna Grey!
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:34 AM
1

Congrats, you made the correct move. Don't respond to the brother until after everything is finalized lest it be used to portray you as Mr. Bad Temper or some nonsense. Document everything (as you know), and it sounds like you're the primary breadwinner and perhaps that she doesn't work or only works part-time.
/r/Divorce_Men25/05/25 03:32 AM
2

This was the correct move. She is now leveraging your former weakness - congrats on massive personal improvement btw - to get what she wants at any time. While being fast to anger is a flaw you've improved, being a pushover is definitely no a virtue, Good work, man.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 03:55 AM
1

Yep, there is only one reason allowed for divorce in the Book. And it's not "Doesn't wash enough dishes" or "I'm not haaaaaaapy anymore"
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 11:14 AM
2

Oh yeah, "you are lousy with chores/kids but also I have no problem going out all day long and leave all it to you when it suits me.." One big downer is when you realize their crazy way of scheduling things makes no sense - until you dare look in the abyss and think about what would be the most convenient for them. For example, scheduling their hair appointment for the last possible minute before a vacation, cutting too close in timing, requiring extra trips, etc. That they claim is actually "Th…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 09:43 AM
1

Wow man, that's crazy rough! Good work on getting ripped, keep it up and follow your gut instincts.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 09:35 AM
2

So sorry to hear man. It's wild to witness, ain't it. Stay strong. Keep us updated, too. Power Walks, even a moonlight job for a few extra hours if possible if you're still living together.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 09:15 AM
5

She felt it back then. She just wants novelty. She sounds at the age where they feel they have one last chance to see what's out there and blow everything up.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 09:01 AM
2

AH, that's good to hear. Like I said in my other post before reading this one, it's very obvious from the tenor of your writing that you are already empathetic and aware. So I doubt any callousness on your part was ever a major issue.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:58 AM
6

You are too tough on yourself. As an outsider looking in and reading your words that firmly illustrate you have much self-awareness and empathy that was developed long ago. > and felt like she never has. That isn't true. This is called "retconning", part of the "Her Story" mentality. Once the chapter read as "Lived happily every after." But to justify making a sequel with all new chapters, she has to shoehorn in all kinds of exaggerated past squabbles, failures, etc. This is your time to start s…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:55 AM
2

Correct. On one hand, we're told that women have more EQ, which they themselves believe. Women are extremely sensitive to pecking order and fairness in social situations. But they're blind to the imbalance of labor/bills in their own house? Don't buy that for a second. Sadly, we're trained to overlook this obvious discrepancy.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:33 AM
1

It's your Tiger Blood!
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:27 AM
1

Wow, this is tough. I can understand her not wanting stimulation for herself, but there should be no reason why she can't be intimate *at all* with you. Don't want to be graphic here but there are other things besides intercourse. But such things are obvious to grown adults. HOW did she say "she wasn't sure if she wanted to stay married to me"? The tone of voice, the attitude. WHO was the focus on, her or you? That's the answer. If she felt bad about it, has she suggested any alternatives at all…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:24 AM
1

Wonderful story! Thanks for that, man.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:06 AM
2

Said this before on the board, but I got my wife a live in housekeeper 6 days a week, something that for should have been for both of us a ludicrous luxury (both of us from lower middle class backgrounds). And one day she claimed it was a "Mental Load" for her to make a grocery list for the housekeeper. But I couldn't do it because "I'd forget things and do it wrong", the whole tone being that it was an imposition of me onto her somehow... to have a live in housekeeper almost every day of the we…
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:00 AM
2

One thing that helps me is an analogy and a comedic phrase. You can't blame a cat for being a cat. They will never be happy with a bowl of broccoli, it's their nature to go from house to house pretending to be a stray to get milk from multiple people, play the poor homeless cat game while living it up on various couches. The other is "I like women... in small doses". It's really true anyway. I find relationships exhausting in general and always have. Accepting that has given me peace, and makes …
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:23 AM
2

Many such cases. They checked out long ago but can keep up a heckuva front for months. A lot of guys, not necessarily in marriages but regular relationships, are like "How did she move on so fast?" Not realizing she moved on months ago.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:21 AM
2

Trust your gut. The very phrase "Married off after a Scandal to cover it up" means there was a prickling in your thumb from the beginning. The driving you crazy until you can't take it anymore is another common thing, allows them to present themselves as the suffering victim who tried. When really they pushed you away to make you the BadMan(tm) If you're already in divorce, just focus on yourself. Eventually big pieces of the puzzle will reveal themselves through time.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 07:18 AM
1

Lifetime alimony is banned in Florida. There was actually a protest of rich divorced women in Palm Beach over it when it was on the Floor of the Legislature. Some letters to the editor about it from a few years back. Naturally the PB Post was against it. https://www.palmbeachpost.com/story/opinion/2013/04/16/letters-post-wrong-florida-legislature/7072438007/
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 04:02 AM
1

Florida is a far better state to get divorced in than California. Florida defaults is shared custody, bans lifetime alimony (the trophy ex-wives in Palm Beach screamed at this and actually demonstrated with placards, ha!), etc.. It's a great time to pretend to be very concerned for her, that maybe she should move back to Florida to be near the kid's grandparents, you're happy to help, etc. etc. And you move to. If course, consult an attorney in both states before doing this.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 04:00 AM
4

What did you live for before your wife? I'm reading this to suggest you have children? I personally thank Providence that you survived to be a great father to your kids and to enjoy the many years you have ahead of you. Finally, if it was meant to be she wouldn't have gone away. My pops told me if all you have in life is Bacon and Eggs once a week on Sunday mornings, you're doing pretty well. Hindsight is 20/20, you describe yourself as young, you don't have enough hindsight which is no fault of…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 03:51 AM
3

Sociopaths don't feel remorse, and wouldn't be able to phrase such a concern, even think of it. What are you accused of doing? Not even details, just ballpark what kinds of things. You may not want to share and that's okay too. In case it helps, I've been called narcissistic for getting the wrong brands from a shopping list. So let's be sure it's really assholic stuff and not just minor, everyday flaws.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:42 AM
1

Document, document, document. Get and keep safe records for those AA Meetings and especially the rehab. I believe the state residency is the key factor. Given your domicile is NYS, that's where you'll likely have to file. Check with an attorney NOW and get your ducks in a row.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:40 AM
2

Have you listened to redonkulas? He was a senior NCO who got schlonged bad. Even the dog mysteriously had to be put down while he was recovering from an injury overseas.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:36 AM
1

H-P love your comments bro.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:35 AM
3

> I tried but she would always deflect and call me selfish. Many such cases. I even went to the heart of things and said "You know, me getting 1% instead of 2% milk isn't a moral failing. It doesn't make me evil" but to no avail. To her small failings like trash takeout times or slight differences in brands were inexcusable, deliberate slights done out of pure malice on my part. From my experiences, and the ones I read on this board, it wouldn't have mattered. We get put in box by a certain line…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:29 AM
1

I lost half my saved retirement lump sum in 13 years of work, but keep all my earned pension! One thing about spouses, is that many of them have SHORT TERM preferences. They'd rather more cash today than money every month in retirement 15, 20, whatever years from now. Regardless of tax penalties or whatever other problems. That can be to your advantage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:26 AM
1

Might be best to cut your losses, it's not going to get any better. Once somebody starts blaming you for everything in their life, it almost never improves. The chances of them having an Epiphany are miniscule.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:23 AM
1

Yeah, I had a US salary but worked in the third world. Grew up in Al Bundy's house, my parents wouldn't DREAM of so much as a once-a-week cleaning lady. Mom would cut up coupons on Saturday morning and my dad went clamming in the Sound for Sunday dinner. My wife was from Calle Ocho, her dad worked in a gas station, her mom cut hair, and she certainly had no staff cleaning up after them as a kid. Thing is, after about a year of hiring live in help, ex wife started to claim that having to make a g…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 02:15 AM
2

Glad it all worked out! The counselor would have been a waste of time and money anyway. You mentioned she's dating a gal. Reminds me the "Eat. Love. Pray" author also dated a girl after she was with the love of her life Frederico or whatever the guys name was at the end of the book/movie. BTW, the guy she originally divorced was a Canadian businessman, who re-married a French Canadian Model hat speaks 4 languages and is a SMOKIN fox even though she's in her 50s and was even more wow in her 30s. …
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:59 AM
3

There is one blessing in modern times, and that is a lot of divorcing women have degrees and/or a work history before getting married they can't deny. Judges do say "Well if you have a master's degree in Education, you can certainly get a teaching job for at least (consults county pay grades)... $60k/year, not including the fact it's actually about $70 since you have 3 years experience back in 2012-2015...."
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:53 AM
2

Most married guys I have heard some variant of "Well if you washed more dishes, or were home more, or gave me more me time..." They do it, and suddenly, nothing improves, but there are more requests for changes that make her life more convenient. Which are increasingly framed as the "Bare Minimum" and you're already at the borders of her tolerance, buster. She's putting up with a lot from you, dontcha know? The problem isn't communication. It's ingratitude and disrespect. And going to a counselo…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:44 AM
1

You mean adding to the dish cleaning quota doesn't equal more bedroom fun time and cuddle moments? Dirty Dishes:Washed Dishes 1:1 != XXX?! 🤨 B-b-but, that can't be, she told me that's what the problem was. 😜 It must be because I kept taking the trash out at 11:30PM just before I shower, instead of 8:30PM like she asked. That's why I've been totally cut off from all love and affection. 😂 She says it's communication, but every time I talk to her she's on tiktok looking angry and started talking ab…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:27 AM
2

Women used to hear "Oh Sally, it's not that bad. Harry is such a good breadwinner, he helps with the kids, cooks on the weekend. You're just looking at the negative" Now it's like "You go girl. SITC life! We are so going to the new wine bar with his money, hahaha!"
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:23 AM
3

Wedding cake is an anti-aphrodisiac and endless responsibility with no benefit emission machine. One thing I would tell young guys is that children, legally, go by biology, not marriage. In fact, marriage can only hurt you because some states don't even care about DNA at all. Just being married established paternity. Thankfully didn't happen to me but it's the law in some places. Many guys are under the illusion, as I was, that marriage and fatherhood are related. Honestly, it's easier to be a d…
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:14 AM
5

Yes sir, the death of 1000 cuts. When you give in for some minor thing just to buy a moment off-duty.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 01:11 AM
1

I agree. We are pushing the expected age of maturity wayyy too far out. I'm hearing people say "Well, I'm only 30 so". 30 should be a fully fledged non-young adult. 23 maybe. 30? No way. There's science to it to: by 25 there are no more adolescent brain patterns present in almost all persons that age.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 12:57 AM
2

Your Third paragraph is a perfect explanation of it all. This is so par for the course there it should be common knowledge and one of the first chapters in the Haynes Standard 21st Century Manual for all Relationship Vehicles, required reading for a HS Diploma or GED It still stinks though, the injustice of it all.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 12:54 AM
0

Yep. Most locked into Stage 3 Kuhlman Moral Reasoning for life!
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 12:52 AM
1

The state chahges a dollah twenty five, pops.
/r/Divorce_Men29/04/25 12:49 AM
1

Exrx has some great gifs/pictures from multiple angles for various exercises, in addition to the OP's great notes.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:55 PM
2

Awesome! Very inspiring. Let us know how it goes! Edit: Also like the momentum focus over perfection. One thing I noticed when I went to the gym (and you're encouraging me to get off my butt): Going half-arsed but consistent is better than going all out but inconsistent.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:54 PM
3

Yeah, there just aren't that many bad guys out there. I've heard women talk bad about guys I'm good friends with, and you'd think these guys were some scary Angry Sassquatch that ate everybody's food, took a poop in the living room, and howled hauntingly all night long. When they were just guys who went to work, paid the bills, walked the dog, inflated the tires, and maybe collected baseball cards or kept a couple of Goldfish. I was a former roommate of one and his ex-gf gave such an wild descri…
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:51 PM
11

Great story, thank you for that man. Many want to think that once they have left you, you are forever bereft of the wonderful bounty of Princess Fancypants the Great. They get really mad when it doesn't happen.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:47 PM
1

Best of luck and so sorry for your dog. They really are great friends. Glad to see all is well. Please get that checkup, one person Judges seldom dismiss is a Doctor.
/r/Divorce_Men28/04/25 11:46 PM
2

This, 110%.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:44 AM
1

Got too tired of pumping out water from the bilge and swabbing the muck.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:43 AM
1

Tough one. Unless there is a court order, let your grandparents see their grandkid. It's your house, no? Then they can be your guests as you see fit. Consult with attorney, just to be safe, and see if you can have a recorder going in case she tries a flip out on everybody so you can document. It might also be good if you or your grandparents have a good friend that isn't a family member come. Call it a BBQ or a movie night.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:41 AM
3

Yep, nothing more evil than allowing somebody to tell grossly distorted halftruths or outright lies not only to kids, but your own at that. All due to the Jungian "Overprotective Parent" archetype who robs developing children of the ability to generate resilience I think of the old Adam Sandler album: "They're all gonna laugh at you.... Nooooo, you can't hear the truth! Yull be in Therapy until 40, Noooooo!"
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:26 AM
1

Get a free consultation and maybe a home equity loan or sell the house. She's not worried about money, she knows the system is very one-sided, it's a "YOU problem". And it is. However, you're not divorced and I'm sure the house is in your name?
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:23 AM
2

First, let's tell a truth. You live with somebody for 17 years and once in a while you get distracted, irritable, pre-occupied. It happens. That's called... normal. It's not a moral failing to be short or distracted every so often. This is part of a gaslighting campaign that's very common. She's rewriting a chapter in her book to make her look like the suffering heroine and you like the big bad ogre mean man. And crossing out the parts where you went to her sickbed, comforted her in a time of lo…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:17 AM
2

You probably know the obvious, being in banking, talk to a lawyer. And a doctor. Nothing better than a doctors strong recommendation of early retirement. They can word it great with "History of Family Medical Issues" and "High risk of hypertension due to stress and age". Check with the lawyer and doc note in tow and sell that house and pay her to go away. Rent for a while and wait for the upcoming big housing dip and get someplace nice for yourself that's quiet and relaxing. It also might be pos…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 04:00 AM
5

I don't agree. Kids have a right to hear the truth. Withholding the truth because Mom is dissimulating (half-truthing) or outright lying is not good for them nor is it the right thing, IMHO.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:55 AM
2

Take the high road but never, never quit on your kids. Almost everytime I've heard a guy tell me how bad his dad was, it's almost always the dad just left and gave up, so he only heard his mother's side. Yes there are a few cads out there, but far less than what we're led to believe when we get the damsel-in-distress spiel; it just takes most of us some years of hard knocks and/or life experience to realize only half the story is being told. One can't over-explain to kids on what happened in you…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:49 AM
5

"Oh yeah,I get dreams like that too. Nope, I'm alright. Thanks and hope all is well." This tees them off on three levels: Polite Stoicism, and you take away what many think they have, some unique ESP intuition power (yet somehow are constantly the damsel in distress despite their ability to read people like a book that they claim) But most of all, to try to establish you as a reserve to fall back on/ego boost, attention and validation: That you will inquire what the dream is about, don't cry for…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:06 AM
2

Had a buddy whose wife begged him to see Phish or something. My buddy is a straight up metalhead. He took her, and acted nice the whole time, didn't sigh or tap his feet or make tie die shirt jokes. But he, as the kids say, didn't get the "Vibe". She yelled at him on the drive home: "But you didn't really enjoy it for me like you should have!"
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 03:01 AM
3

Also Benzos are massive. They're meant to handle crisis or unique situations (like fear of airplanes or massive sudden mental shock, like losing multiple family in an horrible accident). instead people are kept on them for years against what all the studies say, rather than ending them in favor of other treatments. THEN, people drink on them, which is worse. The famous video "You're not real" was probably caused by having a drink to 'steady the nerves' on top of the -pam/lam. Hallucinations are …
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:56 AM
3

Many such cases, again SSM (channel on youtube)always says "And the Academy Award for best actress..." It happens in many cultures, many times, and regardless of economic class.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:51 AM
1

Thanks for sharing that. I definitely hear some echoes from my life. Based on my experiences, both proxy and personal, I'm convinced that crafts are a dodge for those who don't do the basic things they're supposed to, like clean up after themselves or at least not make a mess worse. "I'm too busy making organic goat milk soap for my side gig!"
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:43 AM
4

I had a housekeeper and did the nightly bath and the nighttime diaper/feeding patrol for both my kids when they were infants. And did the lawn and pool. (I lived in a 3rd world place on a US median salary, I sure can't afford this anymore). Not only the meals, but the shopping was done by our 6 day a week housekeeper. I could do the nights because I worked on reverse DST + Time Zone Changes so my work only began at 10AM local, 7AM Pacific. Guess what she complained about? She'd wake me up at 9AM…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:40 AM
8

Good first year. Meh second year. Worse after first child, then I went gym rat and in picked up, esp. because we had college students staying with us and she saw the attention I got and got jelly. After second child, on demand, but I had to ask, never initiated except after a few glasses of wine.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:28 AM
5

This might be a thing for a small subset of men but I find the "He watches porn all the time" is really overexaggerated, Especially if he is under 50 and still needs daily/near daily relief and the bedroom went dead from her end many moons ago. The spouse stopped intimacy by adding artificial hoops (like Chore Play, dish wash quantity, impossible expensive date night demands - sitter, nice restaurant - when they're young and poor and have young kids and trying to buy a house, etc.) and now DARVO…
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:21 AM
1

Tyranny is Power without Responsibility. But Slavery is the Opposite: All the Responsibility, but no Power.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:18 AM
2

Disagree. People are missing his commitment. When somebody says your best loyalty, commitment, and support aren't enough, listen to them. She isn't asking for help with gambling or quitting a bad habit. She is going into darkness and the reason is as yet unknown to him, but won't make him feel better when he finds out.
/r/Divorce_Men27/04/25 02:15 AM
1

I agree. The success rate is probably comparable to the stop rate for certain kinds of behaviors/crimes of impulse.
/r/Divorce_Men24/04/25 06:08 AM
10

Before social media, when there were just "Forums" for professional groups and often browseable by guests, the marriage therapy ones were amazing. Basically the consensus was the only chance, which very seldom worked, was to get the wife to see how great the husband was. Sadly, most wives were looking to validate their ruminations, and would cancel/stop appointments with therapists that tried to point out good things or put small incidents like "He leaves his coffee cup in the kitchen sink at 6A…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:37 AM
10

Very accurate. It does share things in common with somebody looking to find reasons to leave, but this is very on point. It's very tiresome do have extremely minor incidents (like say, forgetting to take out the recycling, that isn't even a third full, one week every few months) repackaged as a moral failing. "Rumination" on research paper used, the long process of mulling a minor incident (that isn't out of character, such as sudden frequent overtime in a job that had none or almost none) and w…
/r/Divorce_Men23/04/25 06:36 AM
2

Social Media put to end forever the old idea that "Gee, my gal got another guy so fast!" idea. In reality the guy was there before the breakup.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:41 AM
1

He's 16, he doesn't have any friends in an LTR, much less one himself, and his mother probably gave him it's a for-the-best-in-the-best-of-all-possible-worlds poppsych babble. Poor kid is probably confused as hell and had no idea what to do.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:40 AM
1

Mom probably gave him the most sanitized, pop psych, newage explanation about it. At 16 he has no personal or friends knowledge of an LTR of any kind. Pretty crappy to him that she dumped that on him.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:37 AM
3

Friend, I wish you the best. When they check out, they check out, no matter how unbelievable it is. She may have mentally checked out months or even years ago. Your instincts are probably correct but you simply need to initiate while she is in this deluded state. One thing is for sure, somebody who behaves this way cannot be trusted with your health or wealth in old age.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:31 AM
1

Good luck friend, do not wait. I'd be shocked if this isn't an open and closed abandonment
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:27 AM
6

Here is a mental template that may help: A 22M employee seduced by an older female boss is no W for her, given how 22Ms generally are both inexperienced, deferential to authority figures, and of course the sex drive at that age. It's going to get OLD for her within a few months at best, so you must strike the divorce iron while it's hot. Get everything in writing and have a lawyer make sure it's good.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:10 AM
12

Best of fortune to you. Lawyer up anyway, at least have one review it.
/r/Divorce_Men22/04/25 07:07 AM
1

This is the best idea.
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:09 AM
1

I have almost every weekend - 3 per month. That's about right, I am still in my kid's life but flexible enough to have a weekend for myself (or to work extra as needs be).
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 07:04 AM
2

Friend, I am alarmed for you. Now we also have financial kerfluffery as well. More Red Flags than the 1981 Moscow May Day Parade. The surprise concerts and the deliberate weekend hours scheduling are particularly troublesome. If you don't mind me asking, what field is her job in that she can work weekends, including Sundays?
/r/Divorce_Men21/04/25 06:59 AM
1

Excellent. There are several red flags you've listed: * Scheduling work for herself on the weekends. Is this work outside the house? It's disrespectful enough if it is, but an excuse to get away if it isn't. * Concerts out of state and without you and without notice. Concert tours are proclaimed many months in advance. This is a major red flag. Especially if this concert attendance began in the past few months or year. * Phone to the point of total distraction while you're waiting for her. Have …
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 11:49 PM
1

He probably didn't call it quits out of nowhere. You probably didn't "See the Footage" of what actually happened, and are getting an unreliable narration. You've probably already seen a few red flags that conflict with her narrative a bit. If she was really worried not to lose this relationship she'd be channeling her anxiety into supporting your career and being a good wife. This is a HER problem. Get out now, it's not going to get better and you have more than enough to chew on in your life. C…
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:49 PM
2

Trust your gut. She picked the one of 50 you said was a no go. File for abandonment. Screenshot with time and date the ghosting. Most states are no-fault but many have mitigating circumstances (adultery, abandonment). Consult with an attorney immediately. Like tomorrow, Monday.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:44 PM
1

Get the doctor to write that down in a report.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:42 PM
1

Sell ASAP. Mark it down a bit below so it sells fast, if you are in some parts of the USA right now. Put it in escrow and don't touch it until either the divorce is done or a lawyer gives you okay to touch your half.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:39 PM
1

Beautiful Prose, man. Right down to "I'm not like the other girls" Whether the marketing is she's a stoner, or "one of the guys", or "Traditional", it's mostly superficial for most of them and they are like the other girls with Tests, preferring drama/emotion over steadiness, pining for trips or new cars or new things (even though they just got a one), etc.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:24 PM
2

Start doing, hit the gym, take a (literal) hike in the park, go for a swim. Pick a new or old abandoned hobby and do something this day to reignite it, even if it's a cheap plinker guitar or a starter aquarium or what have you.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:09 PM
2

Sorry for your situation. It's time to take care of yourself. And to review all the good things present in your life for yourself that you have.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:08 PM
3

The gratitude list is a thing. My pops told me "If all you got in life is bacon and eggs once a week for breakfast instead of a bowl of gruel, you ought to be thankful" The respect/love for yourself has to come from the inside.
/r/Divorce_Men20/04/25 07:06 PM
2

You will be an even better father after the dust settles, because you will be less stressed and distracted and more about to both focus AND enjoy time with the kids.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 05:21 PM
2

You cannot change other people's feelings. I believe Dr. Glover's "Nice Guy" book is a strong recommend here, and there's a reason for that. As for "not remembering", my experience both direct and by proxy is that females RETCON their feelings. A term from modern fiction where the past is shoehorned in newer books to allow for an old character to have a new arc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 05:20 PM
3

It's all about mentality; instead of focusing on her, focus on your recovery. One way to change the mental about it - consider that she was a chronic disease you miraculously recovered from, and are now free to enjoy life, pursue your interests, and have a big burden off your shoulders!
/r/Divorce_Men18/04/25 04:51 PM
3

It also prevents the cheated on spouse (who was often blaming himself for his wife's new distance and unavailability months before the divorce was actually initiated or even mentioned) from "Striking while the iron is hot". That is, closing while the STBX is in the "Affair Fog" which for most means she'll be more amenable to end it quickly. Usually only to find her AP suddenly gets cold feet when the divorce is finalized and she starts talking about marriage to him, or when he's going to divorce…
/r/Divorce_Men17/04/25 06:50 PM
1

First, what you're going through is a case of "Many such cases". Many men find their partner has checked out mentally months before the divorce. Go to therapy, but keep in mind being in touch with the emotions is good for a little while, to identify and process them, but too much for too long is negative. Start making a list of things you want to change for yourself. Also, start instituting some regime even if you have to drag yourself. One idea - don't know how old the kids are - make it a thin…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:35 AM
1

Hang in there. Sounds like you're repairing your fitness and hobbies. You might want to join a group or club for them; and make it a rule NOT to talk about divorce or lonliness when at them. For sleeping, I find creating a sound/light environment in your bedroom is key, as well as firm habits. There's a free website called SomaFM, which has a bunch of stations for easy listening, I like "DroneZone" which is basically space documentary background music. Get some low orange LED or other lights. El…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:32 AM
2

Congrats, happy Liberation day.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 06:27 AM
4

Some have theorized it as the "Reinterest Phase", where women see themselves getting older and realize they only have "one more chance" to start a whole new family. Since the "Competition Anxiety" that many women experience in their late 20s/early 30s vanish, they gain confidence by checking off the "Got Married, Have Kid(s)" box. Then they move on to "Upgrade Husband" since familiarity breeds contempt. Remember that Tom Brady, King Philipe of Spain, Kevin Costner, etc. all had wives bored with …
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:41 AM
3

Excellent post. OP, please read the above.
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:33 AM
7

Everybody says "hurtful" things or has some time periods of being distracted by other things when living together for 15 years. How can you be so... human! Nobody lives with somebody for 15 years and doesn't have moments of frustration or got pre-occupied with 50 other major things in life from childcare to job to a new hobby to finances to car or house issues to moving to personal health and the health of family members. You don't go from about 20 to 35 without a lot of changes and growth. You'…
/r/Divorce_Men15/04/25 05:32 AM
20

No, but this is one side quest that will only hurt you going forward. Just document her willing participation and stop communicating with the sister. No doubt your wife told her a sob sister story about how your forced her to do porn to look like the wounded Good Gal who was taken advantage of.
/r/Divorce_Men11/04/25 05:54 AM
3

Make sure to play air guitar in your underpants. Always the best move when free in your own place. Congrats on getting rid of Mrs. Moriarty and her Negative Waves!
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:41 AM
1

A couple of decades ago, before Social Media and Smartphones, there were Therapist Forums for Therapists that were browseable and unlocked to the public. Basically, Marriage Counselor's primary tactic is to try to make the man so good that the wife recognizes it. It seldom works, however, as the wife pictures herself with any one of what she feels is 100s of better men just waiting to whisk her off her feet at 40, 50, even 60 because Media. They even had a thread on Sex in the City and how it ma…
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:40 AM
7

Just send her some pics of the dogs via SMS/Whatsapp.
/r/Divorce_Men10/04/25 02:35 AM
1

Call the police, and at the very least have them file a report and then go get a restraining order.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 07:48 AM
1

Reading between the lines Dad is upset because he knows you are a good guy for his daughter. Her behavior is something that was worthy of "disowning" and "writing out of the will" in the recent past that some still alive can remember as quite ordinary.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 07:47 AM
2

Dude that's awesome. Every time I hear her whinging that my 6-year old (run around, fed, clean) put on two different shades of medium grey socks after I dropped him off... and bad dad didn't double check for color coordination... UNSUBSCRIBE! Let it really matters he wore slightly mismatched socks in the car and to her house on Sunday.
/r/Divorce_Men27/03/25 07:27 AM
1

Right? And for most of that time, the guy was scratching his head, feeling awful about things, trying to fix things so the "gal he married" would come back to some degree.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 05:33 AM
1

There is a famous podcast where a female guest to be on a year and half period of "Celibacy". Upon further questions, she revealed in the middle of it, she had dated a guy for 8-months straight, but it "Didn't count". The host kept trying to understand and asking her why she claimed to be celibate when for almost half of it, she was not (she admitted to romance with the guy). The other gals at the table were smiling knowingly. The Reset / History Eraser Button is real. However, deep down they kn…
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 05:32 AM
5

That poor man.
/r/Divorce_Men25/03/25 05:28 AM
3

I expect a lot of what you are feeling is getting a shock from realizing it's not you, it's her. That walking on eggshells was something she did to you, not a failure of yours. You now have a very strong case and I suggest you use it. Calling the police and the police not Duluth Model the situation actually is very strong for your case. Still, you need a lawyer.
/r/Divorce_Men23/03/25 02:56 AM
5

Yes, the primary rationale for claiming the actual rate is closer to 80% initiated by women is "I won't stop cheating, return to the house from my endless spending and vacations, or refuse you access to the children. Do what you want but I'm not filing" situations
/r/Divorce_Men22/03/25 11:45 PM
12

Yes. A mentor who takes a kid from bad conditions and little training will, 90%+ of the time, be respected for life by the kid who was mentored. Even if the job training only took him from the trailer park into a modest house and got him a jalopy over a beat up old bicycle. A man can take a carless woman from a boarded-up windows trailer, give her a Modest Suburban House and a new Toyota Camry, and in a year or two she'll be complaining that it's only a 3/2 and the Camry is inadequate, she wants…
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:19 PM
5

Men are generally centered around group loyalty and reciprocity; men shame other men for breaking the "Code" of mutual support of the group they're in. Women think differently: They say things about alleged best friends to others than few men would ever do, and not in the same context when they do. "Oh my buddy Earl, one time he had a few too many and decided..." Funny stories Not: "My friend Emma is such a witch, this one time she made up a story about a coworker of hers named Gemma..."
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:17 PM
1

I have some funny teenager/young guy stories I will tell almost anybody after a couple of beers because they are funny. My ex started using them as like magic insights into my character, when they were just funny ignorant teen stories.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:14 PM
1

It's because life got much easier, and people forgot the reasons why older generations enforced the boundaries they did. "Before removing the fence, find out who put it there and why."
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:11 PM
3

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover is well regarded in this subreddit.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:10 PM
5

I call it the Death of 1000 cuts, you put up with small annoyances for the sake of peace after a long day and for harmony in the house. One day, you wake up and find an entire layer of skin grafted off.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:07 PM
2

The Man Cave phenomenon needs to go. It evolved from a Den where women and children were exiled after work for a time, and perhaps on a Sunday afternoon, to the point where it is a place of Exile for the man who is almost always paying at least half, if not most or all, of household expenses.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 11:00 PM
7

The real "Old Guys" - meaning like Greatest and earlier - had it right. What I thought was old fuddy-duddy stuff like about keeping problems from women like a fungus - "Keep her in the dark and feed her shit" was actually right on. When you talk problems, regardless of solutions, they take it that you're incompetent, weak, or they get anxious.
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:22 PM
6

I hear ya. Once you understand, it's hard to love. The funny, non-bitter thing I like to say: "I like women... in small doses"
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 03:20 PM
1

It'll work like a charm. If you have WiFi, even better (since it won't dig into your 6GB data much)
/r/Divorce_Men21/03/25 02:03 AM
1

Phone and 1500 minutes/1GB of service for the year. 6GB and Unlimited Talk/Text is $25/month. Works great for me, though I only use the data for listening to podcasts and Google Maps in the car and rarely anywhere else.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 08:35 PM
1

It's okay for a walk to the water on the hot beach sand, or in the showers to avoid Athlete's Foot which sucks. As a teen I got the worst case from not wearing some flops in the locker room. But yeah "ZOMG they're going to get some rare tapeworm from running on the grass barefoot!" is baloney.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 08:31 PM
4

And "Because you (Adam) have listened to your wife... you will have to labor until the end of your days" Gens 3:17. Also Eph 5:22-24, the one modern pastors hate to quote, but boy do they love 5:25
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 08:44 AM
1

I got a tracfone for $40-50. Android, Motorola, basic, light, works great.
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 08:24 AM
3

Yeah, I live in a beach town between several hotels (low to mid-high quality) and my heart goes out to see the beaten down guys just trying to do their best, but it's never enough. Watching the poor fellows get nagged to death, carrying the beach chairs a couple of blocks and over the dunes, loading the car as the wife supervises with "commentary", having flashbacks, etc. I
/r/Divorce_Men20/03/25 08:13 AM
8

One helpful thing is to be like "Now I can do this and that activity with the kids without excessive fear or micromanaging". Mine was camping. I don't have to overthink sandals, towels, etc. "The soles of the sandals aren't high enough! Athlete's Foot" "You only took one towel for each kid! What if they need another!" "It'll be too cold at night, take extra blankets and sweaters and jackets" Just throw some stuff in the car with them and go.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 11:04 PM
1

Love Aaron Clarey. Book of Numbers is key to guys who are still considering marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 10:58 PM
2

Maybe, but the right woman - how rare are they? It's not something you can figure out in weeks, months, maybe a couple of years. And how many women can you find and be with for 2-3 years? Only 3-4 in your 20s and that assumes you have no time and trouble wasted between good candidates. It's too manipulative for my taste, but one guy told me - give it at least 2 years, and before you propose, pretend to lose your job and see how she reacts.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 10:55 PM
9

One of my first life lessons was "If you have a birthmark on your sack, all her friends and maybe her sister and mom will know in 48 hours." The other one was: "Every guy has the biggest one going into a relationship, and a tiny one coming out." I realized the latter had nothing to do with me when a buddy of mine who made us all feel bad in the locker room got told he has a tiny one on the way out by HIS girl, who by the way cheated on him, apparently because him going for a week to visit relati…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 10:51 PM
9

The demand far exceeds the supply. Also, there are all kinds of silly things like "Pick a small town/rural woman", etc. I have lived both urban, suburban, and rural and I've seen many of every kind of woman ruin families of not being haaaaapy anymore, cheating, or "wanting to explore herself". There is no one strategy. Marry later and they have tons of men they are comparing you not to the AVERAGE of all men, but to the BEST QUALITIES of every man they dated. This is another big diff between men…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 10:38 PM
7

I don't believe this is the case, we have plenty of stories on this board of SAHMs, including ones where the kids are mostly or fully grown and out, and PT women where the man is more than capable of taking care of the basic living expenses and often then some. As well as women with no kids whatsoever and either making plenty of money or only working an easy or P/T job, sometimes not working at all! Moaning about dishes or laundry, when they only really have to look after themselves and one othe…
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 10:35 PM
3

You won't believe how much local taxpayer money goes to some organizations to do things the electorate wouldn't want to pay for if it came from the general budget (or how audited it would be down to the last program, which it largely avoids)
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:56 AM
1

We still have Academia struggling to admit these issues, much less Society, much less Court. At least 10-20 years and even then it will have to be via rewriting laws in most cases.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:40 AM
2

I saw this as a teenager growing up with two of my girl friends, one of whom was a very quiet nerdy girl who one day bloomed into a very beautiful buxom gal, and suddenly her mom was all over her like white on rice even though she was doing all chores, going to church, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:38 AM
3

Make sure you have paperwork related to the 911 call. That's going to be a major factor on your side if you can prove she was so intoxicated she had to be hospitalized to be revived, while she was supposed to be caring for children.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:31 AM
1

Get a storage unit or a good friend/family member with some basement/garage space. Definitely put all your collectibles and sentimental stuff in a few boxes and get them out BEFORE serving the papers.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:23 AM
11

Sounds like somebody's been watching the Van Life Videos! Mine decked out her Pathfinder with a mattress and a buncha stuff trying to do the cheapo version, didn't last one night, hahaha.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:22 AM
1

Right on man, glad you bike. I read on down the thread and saw you were doing fitness. Gotta remember to read the whole thread before replying! But I got PO'd on your behalf, ha!
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:19 AM
1

That is messed the hell up. Then you should leave. We really have to do something about some of these laws where agreement among all the persons signing a lease/having title isn't necessary to somebody moving in. Too easily abused.
/r/Divorce_Men18/03/25 07:10 AM
1

This. Every rule has exceptions. In this case, OP has her hostile family member in the house. While he could get him ejected with time, that whole time he'll ginning up to bear False Witness.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:14 AM
2

There are certain situations that are exceptions to this rule. If one has a bad temper, alcohol problems, or a third party roommate/family member hostile to you is in the house to help escalate things or be a False Witness, leaving may very well be the best option
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:12 AM
4

If your name is on the lease or on the property, kick the stepfather out. Anything he does, take a picture of. Get a RO on him, don't be shy, and don't be manipulated by appeals to masculinity or lack thereof. This is legal warfare; any attempt to shame you is exactly the same as the psych-out stuff some guys try to do before a fight. Just be Stone Cold and get his ass out.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:11 AM
2

Don't let Society shame you or program you. Media content is overwhelmingly dominated by 30 and 40 somethings who are unhappy Urbans who after 200 dates are too persnickity or too crazy themselves to get a committment and think they can somehow reduce competition by shaming and groaning about it in print and tiktok Date all the 21+ women you want.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 07:07 AM
2

The heels up "healing journey". Discovering myself (in many dude's beds)
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:55 AM
2

She started hanging out with single friends from work (I believe female) and they wanted to go dancing. She took a trip to another town with another friend that I know for a weekend. Doing yoga and other workout things...but the distance was only growing. Right there. That's it. The divorce/single women's brigade helping her cheat... and often because they hate success.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:52 AM
2

Many such cases! My other favorite is I have the constitution of an Ox, but once in a third world country I got Dengue. Which was less bad but it sucked the life out of me. The day after I was diagnosed and refused to stay in the hospital, she was insinuating that I was somehow lollygagging when I told her the lawn could wait and of course pulled the whole "You're a baby". Keep in mind this was the worst thing other than a sniffle or headache I had in the 7+ years total together that I ever had,…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:48 AM
1

One of the all time biggest and infallible red flags is women that DONT have primary custody. This is why women fight for it, this is one of the few red flags they can have and fight against having because they know in today's world, men only get primary custody if the woman is an absolutely awful parent.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:44 AM
1

She's retconning the past to excuse her feelings in the present. Generally, they are in their feelz much more strongly than we are. Accountability to women and kryptonite to superman...
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:25 AM
2

It's always the one "you're crazy to be worrying about him and me"
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:22 AM
2

OP's story is almost word for word the story of my coworker. Wife in mid 40s suddenly claims she was never really romantically in love 3 kids and ~15 years later. The ink isn't dry on the separation before she's off with her HS boyfriend before him (they met in College) - which lasts maybe 6 months. At the very least his ex-wife had the eyes for her previous boyfriend before the split.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:18 AM
5

There's a channel called SSM / hit the bricks on Youtube. It's stories from today, from 30 years ago, from the 1970s, from young men and middle aged men and even men collecting Social Security. Mostly from the anglosphere but even the occasional South American, East Asian, Indian story, and they're remarkably similar. "I had not even a little suspicion she was cheating on me" "Everything was Going Great" or words to that effect get a sound effect from him - Smack! Like the smack upside the head.…
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:14 AM
2

This happened to a coworker. Perimenopause doesn't explain years of treatment. > I mean that’s a pretty awful way to live for her. No, it's awful for YOU. > I don’t want to divorce, but I also don’t want to hold this woman that I love dearly in captivity. She was actually holding YOU captive. Also, women look on things differently. You see the dating stage, honeymoon, kids, special moments. She is overwhelmed by her feelings now, so strongly those moments barely exist for her though at the time …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 06:07 AM
1

Millennials are a big generation, and peak divorce years correlated to both 35-45 and 5-10 years, so that's a reason. Also a reason we're seeing "38 year old men with 29 year old women is EVIL!" in media, social media, etc. When at all times, even in the 50s, that was pretty normal. My father and my uncle and several of my friends growing up were married to women 5-15 years their junior and nobody batted an eye.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:57 AM
1

From my observations, there is a sort of "Another Broken Heart by me, Karen! I'm Awesome" effect many have. I've also noticed the "I can't believe he moved on after me, wonderful me!" flip coin to that: Looking better, feeling better, dating better (esp a bit younger yo ho ho that sets 'em off like unstable nitrogylcerin).
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:54 AM
5

Exactly, strike while the iron is hot and hope the affair fog continues. And that the affair partner isn't spoked by the divorce, which frequently happens. Speed is of the essence.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:51 AM
3

Yeah, if somebody is telling you that they're not having sex because you left your coffee cup half empty in the sink on your way out for the morning rush, or you forgot to take the recycling bin out last week, and it hurts them emotionally, is just putting up barriers. I had a friend whose wife had (POPULAR NEW AFFLICTION REDACTED) and couldn't work and then couldn't do housekeeping due to "Pain, just everywhere". And of course no intimacy. After about half a year, and working a 2nd job just to …
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:42 AM
5

I got 'em all week and they are eating like wolves and my two boys are not even in puberty yet (both under 12). Best compliment: I love your cooking, Pops! Teaching the oldest, 11, how to make very basic foods like Bannock/Pan bread. Next simple soups.
/r/Divorce_Men17/03/25 05:30 AM
1

One thing I heard and seen work with a couple of guys is to find a hot drink you really like: Tea, Coffee, could even be hot chocolate. Start making that the first drink you take during the time you'd start drinking alcohol.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:44 PM
1

It depends on how long ago. However, he is under no obligation to leave AT LEAST until the divorce is finalized.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:41 PM
4

My biggest mistake was being bored with submissive or soft women. I can handle "Bossy Women". But after a while, who wants a boss at work just to come home to a bossy wife? Now I'm the boss, in my house, it's MY way or the HIGHway.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:37 PM
3

I lived on my own since about 18... did the family laundry, mowed lawn, and made dinner 2-3x a week as a teenager... we'd been living together by 29. Oh, and when I met her, I had a white collar button-up suit and tie sales job and on our first date, I went after work with dressed that way. And never mind I spent half my twenties looking dapper 50 hours a week and the girls pulling my tie and saying "You smell GREAT". But somehow, in her mind, after a few years I was incapable of wiping my own n…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:32 PM
1

MENTAL LOAD. In all seriousness, it wasn't the last straw but maybe the 2nd or 3rd before the last when she showed me a video by a gal surnamed Butters or something complaining about "Mental Load" of "doing things." Seriously, it takes me 10-15 minutes once a week to use the supermarket app to clip digital coupons, max my points, and add a few things I need but are not onsale. You know, sitting in the kitchen by the fridge so I can quickly scan to see if I'm out of butter or mustard. My wife - a…
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:07 PM
2

Mine would have a flip out over towels not being perfectly folded as to be symetrical that one end was not longer than the other. While her heating iron, 3 makeup pallets, droplets of cold cream, etc. were scattered willy-nilly on every available surface area of the sink. I probably prevented half a dozen house fires by unplugging that iron.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 11:03 PM
1

If Bob Villa isn't paying my bills and showing up to work for me, he can take a long walk of a short dock. Sheesh. Men can and should put their feet up. I'm teaching my children that when they pay most or all the rent, they call the shots. if she don't like it, she can go move in with her parents and be a teenager again.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:59 PM
1

Big Time! Mine ragecleaned... when we had a 5-day live in housekeeper! (I had a job in a 3rd world country so could afford that on about median US pay)
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:58 PM
3

The real benefit of a dishwasher is the heat/sanitize cycle. Most of the rest is just for show.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:56 PM
2

Check out the original script to "Pretty Woman". It's 180 degree cynical opposite.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:53 PM
4

NGL I played air guitar to Led Zep and AC/DC. Then I went to the store and brought sale items in bulk and meal prepped so I didn't have to worry about cooking for days at a time. I think I got more done in an hour without Micromanager than with her.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:52 PM
4

This is the way. I don't even have a dishwasher anymore. I also don't have 16 Bazillion Plates and 20 wine glasses and 10,000 mugs. At the end of each day I fill up the sink with soapy water, scrub the dishes, cups, etc. and then rinse them off with the sprayer. Then I put them in a shelf over the sink to dry, drips right into the sink. Takes 5 minutes or "One Song".
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:50 PM
10

Given that you've been married for 21 years, I'd guess you're probably in or getting into middle age. Go see a doctor. Talk to him about any family history of disease, esp. heart disease. Or any abnormal BP readings or cholesterol levels you might have. Tiredness/Fatigue is also a good thing to discuss. Get a written recommendation that you lower your work hours. Make copies and make sure to store them somewhere, and be sure the doc puts it in your medical record.
/r/Divorce_Men03/03/25 10:45 PM
2

Taping without consent is illegal in many jurisdictions. Take pictures of the setup, document, tell a lawyer. And listening to privileged conversations with an attorney has severe legal consequences to the eavesdropper.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 12:02 PM
1

Get out! Read No More Mr. Nice Guy immediately. Then take a long shower and THINK. It's time to put yourself first.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 12:00 PM
1

Go get it. Just like women can get alimony without it effecting custody, so can you!
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:58 AM
1

I would assume the worst here. Everything you are saying about her behavior isn't a reaction to disrespect, but are red flags for "Monkey Branching"... that there is somebody else, or at least somebody she has lined up. A woman who doesn't feel she's getting attention responds to getting it, even if she takes convincing, she will allow it. The cold distance indicates otherwise. Not saying this to hurt, but to arm you in advance. It's time to put yourself first and foremost. Please read No More M…
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:55 AM
1

Good news: It will be very hard for her to claim she can't support herself or alimony. So that's a plus Other Good news: Obtain all the documents on this. YOU might be entitled to more because you can argue it's your agreement to take up the mortgage that allowed her to get into the house in the first place; basically the reverse of the argument most wives make.
/r/Divorce_Men07/02/25 11:49 AM
1

It's about the quality time you spend, not where you are phyiscally located.
/r/Divorce_Men29/01/25 08:34 AM
1

Do you have family in and around the area? I ask because: You can arrange to stay in the guest bedroom on weekends. Alternatively, you might be able to find some empty-nesters or others who have a room or basement apt to rent. How far is the nearest MID-sized city?
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 10:31 AM
1

It's been said a dozen times but Document, Document, Document. Even if it is a journal or spreadsheet format. You can also buy him a cheap per-time phone, document the receipts, purchase, etc. and tell him it's to communicate with you.
/r/Divorce_Men26/01/25 08:33 AM
1

Good time to make a simple Chicken soup, friend. Long evening walks are good.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 07:28 AM
2

Social Media is 99% staged. I have literally seen people smiles posing looking like they were having a wild time, get divorced the week after they return. Guy told me she was being a witch the whole trip, he spent most of it in the casino just to get away from her, etc. You'd never know that from the Social Media! Mindset: You are now free. Your worth comes from inside, not from one single person. Have you tried downsizing your stuff? How about cooking something new for dinner? What did you do p…
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:33 AM
2

Do something that pleases YOU! Fish, get a used guitar and try plinking on it, something fresh or something you've not done in a while.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:19 AM
12

Document, document, document. Do not tip her off, but discuss with lawyer first.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:05 AM
5

All power to you, brother. Sorry about your grandmother, but the memories are yours forever. Looks like you're at a juncture where you've been cut loose from things in your life, for better and worse. What is important to you? What did your grandmother say or inspire you with?
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:04 AM
1

Oops, context free. I meant the 16% difference in wages.
/r/Divorce_Men24/01/25 11:02 AM
2

The Orlando Also, if you're used to California, in 75% of the US east of the Rockies, it's a Humid Heat. Meaning you walk to your mailbox and your face is like a wet mop. The big difference is that Atlanta has a fall, however, in May-September, Atlanta is going to be almost as brutally hot AND humid as Miami.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:20 AM
1

Miami has the Brightline, it's pretty cheap, ~$50 to go back and forth in just a few hours between the two cities via high speed rail. Also has Wifi the whole way, and the terminals are new and clean.
/r/Divorce_Men18/01/25 07:18 AM
4

You want to solve the problem, but the problem is within her. There's a video by a guy named Alexander Grace on YT, "It's come to this", that explains it will. It's always good to step outside yourself, and try to look in from the outside: "It's it unreasonable for me to have the occasional stressor(s) now and again, and to not have anything much to pour out 24-7-365 for her?"
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 04:06 AM
1

Pah, 6 pack abs are so hard to keep most models and bodybuilders don't keep them year-round. Beer, on the other hand...
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 03:43 AM
1

Above and beyond divorce considerations, take control of that Kitchen. If you need simple recipes for chicken soup, no sweat home fries, stir fry, etc. feel free to DM me anytime. This is stuff that takes 5 minutes of prep and then 10-30 minutes of hanging out waiting for it when you can do other things. Also, with kids, consider paper plates and disposables.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:11 AM
1

Dishes, Trash, working too much, not working enough, the excuse is always the excuse. If the ONLY thing is the parenting style conflict, I doubt it's that. Again, will peri- and then total menopause and it's effect on sex drive, it will probably NOT get better.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 06:01 AM
1

While your wife may not like your parenting style, I'd guess it's not why she's not having sex. Mid-forties, the few years will see perimenopause then menopause. And while in a tiny minority the sex drive stays the same or even increases, in most it goes way down. What does your gut instinct tell you, without any rationalization? Does it tell you this is 100% about the parenting style clash, or so you feel "by the pricking on your thumb, something wicked this way comes?"
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:59 AM
10

Wife goggles are a thing. My suggestion would be to go on IRL dates with people you don't find 100% super attractive but who are pleasant.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:46 AM
3

Today, Women in their 20s make more than men in their 20s. Also, most of that 16% is overtime, job danger (ie oil rig roustabout vs. oil company AP dept), and degree (CNA vs. entry level Network Admin, Social Worker vs. Chemical Engineer)
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:45 AM
2

Many such cases. A buddy of mine: "Oh my wife is so down with depression, she has no sex drive." Turns out she was carrying on with two different men at once she 'met' on the internet.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:28 AM
1

Oh, and freelancing or authoring books.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:26 AM
1

SAHM is a no go after the youngest is about 7 unless 4+ kids and there's homeschooling. There are SAHNKs these days who don't cook or clean!!! They have "Jobs" like owning a candle business or private labelling some cheapass cosmetics that never makes a time.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:26 AM
2

Many are "Secret Slobs"
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:24 AM
4

Good show! Great ending to a great story. Take them kids out fishing sometimes (and sometimes just yerself and a 6 pack!)
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 05:17 AM
1

"Have you tried talking to her?" No, most guys never thought of that after putting up with it for years. The only worse one is "So your formerly religious wife stopped going to Church, calls it a bunch of nonsense, is talking about Goddess Girlboss Energy, Free Love, Open Relationships, and ordered the Thrice-Blessed by Zuul the Destroyer Candles to match her Gris Gris bags and the Healing Crystal of the Infinite 7 Spirits of Cain? Listen, bud, have you tried reading the Bible to her?"
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 12:09 AM
2

Yup! But now I don't have to worry if she is in "Nervous Energy Mode" or "Bummed Out TV binge" mode every 3-4 days. Nervous Energy meant she did nothing useful (not grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, etc.) just she spent 10 minutes doing one thing, then unfinished jump to the next, then half-do something else, then go back to the first thing for another 15 minutes, etc. etc.
/r/Divorce_Men11/01/25 12:00 AM
1

Correct. As Hit The Bricks Channel says "And the Academy Award for Best Actress Goes to..." when sharing men's stories about their spouses/girlfriends.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:48 PM
1

Glad you brought this up. To men who DO have a spouse, particularly one paid hourly that was claiming long hours of overtime late into the evening, this is a good method, and you don't have to ask going way back. Any company certainly has payroll going back at least a year very handy for their own tax and accounting purposes. Another tactic would be to have the attorney call the company and say "Gee, why didn't you pay STBXW for all those Saturday Trainings and Wednesday Double Shifts." "What do…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:44 PM
6

Too Bad English only has one word for: * Love of erotic nature between man and woman (Eros) * Love of the family (Storge) * Love of your City/culture/traditions (Patria) * Love of the Divine/Universe (Agape) Of these, Eros was considered by almost all philosophers to be the *lowest* form of love, closer to animal instincts or mania. One of the reasons society is all messed up today is that it seems everything revolves around Eros/Erotic satisifaction, and Storge + Agape have been all but removed…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:39 PM
11

Imagine having to be "in character" 24-7-365 and calling that "masculine". it really makes a lot of men break down or simply endure a miserable existance.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:35 PM
11

Imagine if you will, not only being one of the GOAT Football players, in a sport where most of the top players long since retired years before, still breaking records and leading your team to win big championships, and having the looks of a male model, great wealth, etc. That's Tom Brady. You can add Kevin Costner, Slyvester Stallone, Brad Pitt, Elon Musl, etc. etc. Cheating? Napoleon, King Filipe V of Spain, Frederick of Prussia, King Charles III, etc. It happens to even the highest of the high…
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:29 PM
7

Excellent! Nothing like a repose with Tolkien by the fire. Just need a cup of tea, and then you can ruminate on the benefits of the fine Longbottom Leaf. How many married men would lunge at the opportunity to have such peace and harmony to read a book by the fire without interruption about "Latest Doctor Drama" or "Lena told Zena that Farfelina was an hour late at work"
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 11:25 PM
3

Many such cases! Gross disrespect and gaslighting are major indicators of either an affair, or she's put on the everything-bad=my-husband goggles and they won't come off. Power to you my friend, what a much better life you'll be having forward from that.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 07:12 PM
5

Feel the same way, now almost every married couple I think, that poor man. Men being lead through the grocery store, on stupid trips, etc. just to spend money.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 06:41 PM
5

The slang term is "Monkey Branching" - because a monkey won't let go the first vine until it has a firm grip on the next vine or branch.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:44 AM
2

Don't get married! Why have the state involved in a relationship? I read Roman History, the Bible, etc and can't find any forms in triplicate or trips to the Attica/Cisalpine Gaul/Canaan Province or County Office of the Clerk to have a notary stamp anything.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:42 AM
3

Once called the 7-year itch.
/r/Divorce_Men10/01/25 01:15 AM
4

My only recommendation would alter #2 Make it functional for YOU, not women. Get some Govee/LED lights to create a restful or energetic mood. Whittle down those 7 spatulas to 1. Get rid of the cow prints oven mittens or Victorian Wallpaper Paisley tea kettles and replace with solid colors you like. Declutter and create highly efficient spaces for your coffee or whatever your thing is, organize your bath towels for rapid deployment, whatever that's quick to clean and maintain. I have young kids s…
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 05:40 PM
7

Do not go down the Whiskey hole. Sure, a shot or two to steady the nerves, but no more. Then switch to tea or coffee or hot cocoa or a milkshake or whatever you find more relaxing. The best place for anger/betrayal is the gym, take it out on the iron. It'll be a win, win, win as you improve your health, improve your mental state, and positively burn off the anger energy. Document, document, document. Once Physical Trainer or her Supervisor or the Dude that dealt nickel bags in her HS blows over …
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 05:37 PM
2

WOW. Those shoes man. We got divorced about 6 months after coming back from living overseas from about a decade. She had three pieces of luggage, maybe 4-5 "essential" shoes including the sneakers she wore on the plane. Somehow in those 6 months, while we were trying to pay for things, she acquired at least 2 dozen more shoes. And those little makeup palletes with the 4 different colors. I shit you not she had dozens of them with the tape still over the plastic clasp. Didn't even TRY them.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 07:43 AM
3

Awesome attitude. Sometimes the minimalism gets extreme. If you love your tools, keep your tools. Same with guitars or whatever else. But it's great not having to live with 5 spatulas, 12 of each kind of fork, 48 throw pillows for every holiday and season, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:58 AM
2

Nor is it at all unusual. I have a buddy, about my age (late 40s), bodybuilder, great job, and sure enough his wife was out just as her daughter from another marriage was done with college. I have another buddy whose wife kept him in the doghouse for 10 years, also decent shape, excellent income, now that she's had a health scale, all of sudden she wants to "Rekindle" their relationship after ignoring him for half of their 20 married years
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 02:53 AM
2

I composed it on a whim just now. It's just an observation about Solipsistic attitudes.
/r/Divorce_Men29/12/24 08:18 AM
3

Investigate, document, photograph wounds. Consider ALL possibilities. Very important that experts are looking at those wounds, even if she had them treated. If she seems odd about removing bandages to inspect, run don't walk to the ER.
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:09 AM
1

"In the story of my life, those who I have withdrawn mine favor from, must wilt like plants whom the sun no longer shines upon. For I am the center from which all blessings flow, my presence a shining light to the NPCs surrounding me"
/r/Divorce_Men28/12/24 09:04 AM
2

Thanks for the Good Words, friend!
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 12:14 AM
1

Oh brother, I used to work 10AM-6PM. I used to exercise, shower, put both my children to sleep, finally eat dinner, and do 3-4 feedings/diaper changes a night. In the day we had a housekeeper (1st World pay, 3rd world living, we are both from the US, so we didn't live in her native country either). She would try to lecture me on how to change a diaper. I was like "I do this easily 20x more often than you". I think she maybe changed 1-3 diapers a week. Periodically she would get into the Mom's Gr…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 06:10 AM
2

If you work 9-5, 5 days a week, it's borrrrring, in a rut If you make good money, why aren't you home? If you don't work much, you're not ambitious enough for our family! There's a post about a guy who basically retired at 45 with $2M in the bank and $75k/year in residual income and his wife is mad he does hobbies all day.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 09:59 PM
3

That you're home 14 days a month is huge. She's fishing for an excuse to complain. You are a father now and responsible for the fiscal security of a child. That is a huge contribution. That you're posting here and not in other subreddits about relationships/marriage seems to me that you might have other, small little red flags that are harder to describe? Let loose if you have them, we can help.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 09:57 PM
1

Florida wages are stuck in the early 2010s. They barely pay nurses $20/hr. RNs low-mid $20s. EMTs high teens. But Florida cost of living is now East Coast standard, no longer cheap. I know a couple from Arkansas that are leaving Florida after a year, the summers are brutal and Florida has lower wages and higher prices than Texarkana area.
/r/Divorce_Men21/12/24 06:50 AM
1

Great fortune to you, sir! Godspeed.
/r/Divorce_Men11/12/24 08:42 AM
5

Colombia is good, but whether or not cheap tix or direct flights are relative to your airport. Colombia has a Caribbean coastline.
/r/Divorce_Men07/12/24 04:44 AM
4

Solipsistic. Main Character Syndrome. "What counts is my life and my story; everyone and everything else is an accessory." It's why most get impatient with details about anything (Cars, Markets, etc.) - those things are just there to facilitate the story.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 10:08 AM
2

If they have to tell you, then it's not prefect magic. And if it's not frictionless 100% paradise 24-7-365, then you can't be the soulmate. Prince Charming knows exactly what she wants and likes when she wants it without asking from the first moment.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 10:06 AM
4

CORRECT. Although in fairness they did 'have the feelings of what seemed like love" in the beginning. Retconning the relationship is very typical, but in the beginning those feelings may have been genuine on her part. If I had a dollar for every man who told me "6 months after she finished nursing school, she dumped me and said there was never any real love and she was confused --- I paid all her living expenses, made huge sacrifices for her! Now she's copped a tude because she makes marginally …
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 10:02 AM
6

"I can't believe she found somebody new so fast! I haven't even begun to process the end of things." Many have experienced this. In reality, the replacement was lined up weeks or months before, or at least the arrangements for her new lifestyle. 'Monkey-branching'
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:57 AM
7

When an infant grows into a toddler and no longer requires hands on care 24-7 is a big danger zone. What men often see diffulty as "our endearing bond by mutual struggle", others see as "It wasn't perfect, so it's not the magic it's supposed to be and therefore not True Love/Soulmate".
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:55 AM
5

"Narcissist" is often used when "Selfish butthead", "Solipsistic", and "Stuck in 3rd Kohlberg Stage" are more appropriate.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 09:51 AM
2

Congrats on the positive changes, and thanks for the positive waves!
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 03:31 AM
2

There are certainly decent single moms but many are single because they friv div the guy they made the baby with, and exaggerate/fib like crazy about the reasons why. When in reality the guy was probably a decent average guy like most guys. Or, they have short term preferences.
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 03:29 AM
5

Many such cases ;) I worked afternoons so did diaper patrol all night. My Ex is probably the only infant mother that got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. And we had a nanny in the day. So perhaps she changed a few diaper a week to my 3-4 per day. Even by the 2nd child, she was trying to tell me I changed diapers wrong. Another fun thing was her ONLY time to watch the babies alone was supposed to be Sunday Morning, she would wake me up early in the morning to "Help" her. Keep in mind h…
/r/Divorce_Men04/12/24 03:23 AM
1

LOL "You left the sink a mess". When it was one mug with a thin layer of coffee and a small plate with some crumbs from breakfast. Meanwhile she's make herself rice and beans and leave Mount Dishverest all weekend long that it was impossible to fill the coffee pot.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 07:35 AM
2

It's all BS. I remember as a kid being sick and watching several PT or SAHM do Fart All 5-6 hours a day. Many of them went right back to sleep after everybody else left for work and school. Then tell their husbands at 6Pm how they scrubbed the tile with toothbrushes and such nonsense. It was more like of General Hospital, Sears Catalog, Macy's Flyer, and Coffee Klatsch with neighbors or on the phone, then 1-2 hours of laundry, cooking, and cleaning AT BEST. About 4PM they realize that the 5 o'cl…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 07:12 AM
1

What state is this? Mine is asking for mediation after months of being in a rush all of a sudden. She's not going to get more than what the state formula says.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:46 AM
3

Danger, Will Robinson. She is either trying to get you to sign something way beyond what the law requires, or is trying to you alone for a false accusation of bad behavior.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 06:45 AM
3

I don't know of a place, but I do know many swear by "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover as a starting point. It was inspired by his own marriage ending. https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy/the-book.html Keep reading and posting on this subreddit. As they say on the internet "Many Such Cases", and it helps to understand it's a common situation.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:32 AM
3

Once the veil or filter comes off, and the gaslighting effect decays, clarity returns and I know I was like "Wow, she wasn't just being unreasonable, she was deliberately trying to grind me down and claim moral superiority."
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:27 AM
3

Let's focus here. #1. Do something physical for your health. Start can be as simple as vowing to take a long walk after work. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. #2. Kids next - Ask them what they want and get them ONE of their things (don't know their ages). Do not run around town like a madman or spend a fortune right now. #3. If you have your own place, or are seeing the kids at all at your family or friends or place without her, START A NEW TRADITION. Christmas…
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:14 AM
3

Wow, well the restraining order yet sexual compliment tells you everything you need to know. It's incredibly difficult to change other people's internal wiring, certainly if you're NOT in the position of an expert advisor or guru of some kind.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:06 AM
10

And in many of those 20%, the AP dumped her during the separation and often the husband didn't know she had an AP at all.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 01:01 AM
12

You giving a crap about your kids is the most important thing. It gets communicated to them unconsciously.
/r/Divorce_Men03/12/24 12:57 AM
1

Family Courts work very different than most others. In any kind of Civil Suit, say against a partner or LLC member who took company funds to pay for booze or trips, the "regular" Muni/County Judges will enforce the law. Including referring things to the DA for criminal prosecution, demanding the sale of the member's shares to other members, etc. In family court, Judges goals are to quickly process cases and make sure the state pays as little as possible. To do so, they have to find as little rea…
/r/Divorce_Men24/11/24 05:23 AM
1

Great time to take the kid to visit your parents. Maybe via Thailand first so the Rus authorities aren't suspicious that the father is going to a US end destination without the Russian Spouse.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:59 AM
1

Sorry to be the "Careful" replyguy here but in some cities/counties there's an obligation to keep power and gas/heat on at occupied locations. He can certainly cancel the cable & broadband immediately, though.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:50 AM
1

Immediately file a complaint with the court. The Judge ruled, her compliance is no longer "optional". They can garnish her paycheck. Also, inform the mortgage holder of the situation. Document that too - "Due to non-compliance with a court order, I informed Acme Bank, the holder of the note, that..."
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:43 AM
1

You can pound the trails and get some cardio, or pound out some squats or chest presses for strength or hypertrophy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:41 AM
1

That stinks. Apparently nobody reads the anymore. Jesus explicitly says, and Paul later repeats, that adultery is a valid reason for divorce.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:38 AM
1

Jesus himself ("Words in Red") makes adultery explicitly a valid reason for divorce. Paul repeats this.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 11:36 AM
1

>I say that she decided she was into certain activities somewhat like Multi Level Marketing except with people in place of Amway goods. Well put, and dang funny too. Both are overpriced, spread by mouth, etc. "Why is it 50% more expensive than other toothpaste?" "It's concentrated!"
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 09:14 AM
1

LOL, my wife's buddy went 100% sexless after child #3, then got mad if he masturbated, too.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 09:03 AM
1

LOL, homeboy fiance probably saw a few of those 15 already beginning to take shape and was like "Hot dang! I'm outta here". You did a big favor to that guy.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 09:02 AM
1

Ah yes, the old choreplay. "Wash Z dishes and do Y loads of laundry and I will give you a grudging few minutes of X, because I care for and love you. I just wish you loved me back while I refuse to be physically intimate and show that vacuuming more dust bunnies up from the corner behind the ottoman, and maybe making more money for 'us' to spend"
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 08:58 AM
12

Absolutely nothing. At best, a cheapo box of chocolates or one of those coffee mugs with some candy or coffee bags in it. Something you'd get for a coworker. And that, only if your son is young and wants to see everybody getting a present from everybody. Don't get something passive-aggressive. Just get something simple and cheap. The equivalent of a $9.99 drug store cologne or something.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 08:38 AM
8

1001 things could go wrong here. This is like a scenario in Wargames: The only winning move is not to play
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 08:36 AM
17

DARVO in action.
/r/Divorce_Men15/11/24 08:28 AM
1

Oh, you got what my buddy got and I experienced to a small degree in terms of Perimenopause. This is called "Retcon". Named for when writers (usually new to a series or franchise) want to take the story in a new direction but have to change major characters' pasts in order to make the story fly. Often they do so in ways that make earlier stories or major character traits incongruent and break the immersion. Feelings are reality to some, and they adjust the past to comport with their feelings of …
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 09:04 AM
1

Another reason to end special "Family Courts" and have the same Muni/County judges that handle business disputes and other civil suits do marriage. A judge who spends half the time looking at partnerships and LLCs and seeing partners/members taking $500 payouts spent at ABC Liquor Store wouldn't be fooled or pigheaded the way family court judges are about what really is happening.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 02:20 AM
4

Attorney is a must. BUT, have you considered checking into any Georgia State website? Many, like Florida, have a "Calculator" that is basically used the vast majority of the time in most circumstances except in the extreme circumstances (ie multi-millionaires or other complex cases).
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 02:13 AM
0

Awesome. Depending on your financial situation, you can look into a bank loan - often far better than CCs - if you need help financing the legal and/or PI team. A PI is better than DIY because the PI is often ex-law enforcement and knows how to write a report suitable for attorneys to use in court.
/r/Divorce_Men10/11/24 02:10 AM
2

100% correct. "Taking a break" = let me see if I can trade up. Where trade up is either a younger lover or a richer man, depending on her view at the time. Sex And The City mindvirus allows middle aged women (often with young kids!) to entertain the fantasy that the Art Gallery Millionaire or Male Underpants Model is right around the corner and they won't be held back from "Living their best life"
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:27 PM
2

He was in the picture before you had the sit down. Maybe only emotional affair, but he was there. I say this not to hurt, but to help provide you with ammo and mindset going forward.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:25 PM
0

One thing I've learned is that being "emotionally supportive" is generally a one-way street. They want you to listen for hours to their exacting stories with very minor details and every last piece of conversation down to "Uh, like, and then". Share even a few minutes of a crazy client or other situation and get accused of 'dumping on them'. Keep them in the dark and feed them, uh, compost.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:17 PM
21

Okay, so while it hurts like hell, you're in the drivers seat here if you play your cards according to the Book. Get an attorney. Hire a PI, it will be worth every penny. What we want to see is if the affair predates the separation. State laws vary, so consult with an attorney first. This is where "What I should do" conflicts hard with "How I feel". It's time to be stoic, robotic, cold and do the best thing for yourself and kids. I strongly doubt a 60-year old man wants children around full time…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 11:08 PM
1

Okay, that's good. Please consult an attorney and take good care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:59 PM
1

One bedroom is okay, especially for boys. I have 10 and 6 year old boys, all in ONE bedroom for all of us, and it's fine, almost every weekend and the whole summer. I have a very simple room divider - basically an elongated shower curtain with a spring - and you can hang any fabric with grommets from, an idea for when one is older and wants some privacy. Very cheap online, and I got the curtain from an outlet store for next to nothing. If you're in the US, I would definitely hang back from buyin…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:56 PM
0

Sorry OP, she is setting you up to be the Bad Guy(tm). Consult an attorney immediately. How is the relative incomes? Hopefully she makes more than you.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:52 PM
1

She is covering up her guilt and bad behavior by externalizing crap on you. The work stuff and social media is libel or slander, so go get a court order to clap a stopper on it. Also a restraining order from the local PD. This should be easy to prove esp. if you have your employer as a witness.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:50 PM
2

Form an LLC, it can be done online. Open a bank account with an LLC and put all the money you make as an indy contractor in there. Put as many reasonable expenses in the LLC. (MODS): Here is a relevant link to a well-regarded site on the issue: https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/should-an-independent-contractor-form-an-llc.html
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:40 PM
1

Yeah, she thinks she is in control of your mind and preferences, and how dare you think otherwise. This is not the behavior of a true life partner. Consult with an attorney immediately, and sieze control of the narrative. Make sure friends and family - including her friends and family - know why you are living apart.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:33 PM
1

Is she employed?
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:31 PM
2

Okay, that's a subtle request for a break, which is she wants to do her own thing - and other men. First step, get a lawyer. As a free person, only you will look out for you, and you merit looking after. Second step, consider all the good things you did, the sacrifices you made, what you would have if you were single and not sharing with her. She is not appreciative of those things, and perhaps you didn't appreciate the things YOU did and trade-offs YOU made. This is important for your mental po…
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:30 PM
1

Congrats on your Liberation! I see the Wedding Ring as related to the ones in LOTR.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:28 PM
2

Everything that other commentators listed, plus open up a new bank account immediately only in your name and deposit your paycheck there. Document the reason why with your attorney - that your spouse has drained your primary, shared account. States vary, but her kind of behavior will not be looked kindly upon by a decent judge - of which there are a few.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:27 PM
1

It's amazing how many women are developing alcohol-related issues. I hear more about women with them now than men. Some stats on this show that since this century began, women met and may start to exceed alcohol consumption in males! Pretty wild.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:25 PM
2

Gig Job with LLC cover. Pay as many expenses you have (Car, etc.) from the LLC.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:24 PM
11

I'm so sorry for you. My father's 1st wife waited until the early 60s on purpose when she knew the law in NYS was changing to maximize her payout. She left him in a mental hospital as he had a breakdown from running multiple ice cream stands 80+ hours a week for years. Consult with a tiger of an attorney immediately. You are in a transition phase and hopefully there is case law about protecting men about to retire.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:21 PM
0

In the Bible, it's implied that women can't divorce, only men can "put away" and then only for sexual immorality. If she used the secular law to divorce him, especially for no fault on his part, the re-marriage ban does not apply to him IMHO.
/r/Divorce_Men09/11/24 10:20 PM
5

I mean, single people launder their clothes, wash plates, clean the floors, or they'd be fired for stench and pass from typhoid or cholera. SAHMs act like it takes 3 hours to wash dishes for 4 people, when it just means it takes 10 minutes instead of 3 minutes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:02 PM
1

Exactly. "Wah, I got to stay at home all day and just take care of my family." which is nowhere near as hard as knowing everything - the house, car, medical bills - depends entirely on you. There's a huge difference between "I hope the kids will eat some vegetables if I make them this way" and "I hope the next round of layoffs doesn't touch my department"
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 06:00 PM
2

Sounds like a money grab. She's hoping you'll drop a few thousand on her and get her out of debt, and she's doing it now because she's only got a few months left. I'd bet this is trying to get you just to pay her direct to avoid/minimize any legal expenses on her part.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 05:56 PM
3

Two years is about when they start having regrets, the hit/buzz of not being married wears off, and reality starts to bite. She could be looking to squeeze a few bucks. There are people out there who get $10k in debt just from Amazon/Walmart chotskies. They don't buy a fur coat, or redo the kitchen, they literally just buy crap on Amazon. My ex brought 30 makeup pallettes and a half dozen shoes in like 2 months once. The tape was still on half the boxes and makeup case latches - she didn't even …
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 05:54 PM
2

As the child is almost 18 and with 2 years since the divorce, most judges are going to be like "What is this nonsense?". Your attorney knows best, but having her send a letter saying she's ready to receive any communications regarding the divorce might just be enough. Just has to muddy the waters for 8 months.
/r/Divorce_Men02/11/24 05:51 PM
2

Good on ya, man. Nothing like the clarity of a decision and you have decades ahead of you.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 08:01 AM
-1

This is why I got divorced. I think I discovered later, after getting to know her less educated but far more practical and financially continent sister, that part of her was a spendthrift but could not admit to herself that as the older, better educated sister, she was 'inferior' in that respect. Our issues began when we moved overseas and she spoke the language and I did not, and in a place where paper receipts and paying in person is the norm (the utility company only allowed debit payments th…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 07:48 AM
7

The Romans thought it "Virility" - manliness - to refuse to be ruled by wrath or anger. However, they also believed there were times and places for righteous anger, which is then considered a virtue in those circumstances. It seems to me you put up with a lot of crap and finally put your foot down, which is righteous anger, and actually a virtue, not a vice. In modernity, we're being taught that ANY male expression of anger is a big no-no, which is very dehumanizing.
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 07:45 AM
3

Very probable that your struggles with alcoholism was her excuse. This guy was in the picture probably long before any ultimatum or possibly any serious conversation about it. Before you beat yourself up, consider you stuck it through multiple problems with her, including supporting her financially and through her depression, but she ditched - if she really did ditch because of it - you at the first sign of trouble. You are actually liberated from TWO problems at once. One by her deed, the other…
/r/Divorce_Men01/11/24 07:39 AM
1

Many no fault divorce states DO consider adultery when it comes to spousal support or division of assets. Often if a cheater asks for a big payout, it will be denied or made token.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:52 AM
1

Adultery can be a factor if the spouse used family money to pay for the affair or give to the AP, even in Illinois.,
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:49 AM
1

Check with an attorney, find out if you can track the vehicle, financial statement records from CCs or phone usage, etc. Reason being is that adultery often mitigates spousal support claims, including in many no-fault states.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:46 AM
3

Glad to hear! That's how I feel about my ex, she's somebody else's problem. The poor fella is already moving from house to RV to apartment to house with her nomadic personality every few months. It's not financial, she just can't live in one abode more than a year.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:44 AM
10

Peace, tranquillity, not having to listen for hours to drama stories from her workplace/Church/hobby group or even her drama TV show recaps = priceless
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:42 AM
2

I don't think it's insecurity. It's either looking for a reason, or an attempt to gain moral supremacy and dominance.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:26 AM
7

This is an extremely common scenario. A spouse finds something - laundry, clean up, money spent on beer or sports, etc. and increasingly narrows the bar until it's ridiculous. It's just setting somebody up to fail, so they have an excuse. The latest fad in Pop Modern Religion is "Porn Addiction". Which "somehow" excludes Bodice Ripper Romance Novels or female-oriented romantic/drama shows including those with nudity or even outright sex toys, but always includes not only hardcore porn, but even …
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:22 AM
6

Absolute nonsense. I'd take a look at some of her stuff. Almost all female-oriented media except the Hallmark Channel has what was once considered softcore porn in it. Does she read romance novels? Call them what they are, porn books. She has no right to control your sexuality.
/r/Divorce_Men31/10/24 05:18 AM
6

Many states are "No Fault", however, Adultery is still often considered under the law to be a factor in eliminating or greatly reducing any spousal support/alimony and/or division of assets. Consult an attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 07:46 AM
1

Very State (or Country) dependent, but the official preference by law in Florida and many other states is 50/50 custody. You can check the laws now on the internet, but confer with an attorney ASAP.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 04:53 AM
1

Massive infidelity. There is one short going on now with an orderly bragging how he's going to take home and shag a middle aged nurse, while she's on the phone telling her husband she has to work an extra half shift. It's pretty apparent they really are in the stockroom of a hospital or hospice floor. There was a report from some PI Industry newsletter stating health care professionals have some of the highest rates of cheating, only "alcohol and entertainment" (bartenders, club workers) and air…
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 04:43 AM
1

The only POSSIBLE explanation is if the mother is an invalid/dementia patient or somesuch and isn't really aware of her surroundings. Otherwise, purely vile.
/r/Divorce_Men30/10/24 04:36 AM
1

Excellent. You got that beautiful rent to own agreement, and the great news is you're getting a lot of equity back.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:39 PM
1

Okay, so you live with your parents for a few months. They'll probably be happy. If it's rent to own, you can get bank statements, so you've build equity. Imagine her mom's surprise when she has to pay YOU at least some of what you've paid back. Now, imagine your daughters when dad is back into Full Flow Mode, without the stress of dealing with this woman. How much barbeque and movie or game nights and all the fun you're all going to have.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:37 PM
1

I actually enjoy seeing how much I can do and be content with with so little. It gives me immense joy to wallpaper a room for a few bucks. Or toss out two trash bags worth of cables, papers, etc. I have no need for and haven't used in years if ever. How I can condense appliances. I'm currently thinking of downsizing from a 16 cu foot fridge to a 7 cu ft fridge. I'm no asectic monk trying to sleep on a bed of nails, just enjoying minimalizing.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:24 PM
2

Yep. Sharing dead skin cells using the same blanket to sleep in, sharing eating utensils, sharing bills & a roof. What privacy? "Muh Private phone/laptop" is BS in a marriage.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:14 PM
3

A PI could find this easily. If she has a job, probably somebody at work. If she has hobby chats, also there.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:12 PM
9

She did YOU a huge favor by removing her negative waves from you. She's like a pile of radioactive waste that took itself to the deep mine shaft. You have custody most men struggle for, you have a vampire out of your life. What you are experiencing are the life stucking tentacles of her Cthulhu-Vampire personality still exerting a drain and drag from distant time and space. Consider all the nice things you have: A bed, roof over your head, food, daily access to your children, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:09 PM
1

The Melatonin should help with that. I find the biggest danger from melatonin is oversleeping and grogginess when waking up after 8-10 hours, esp. on higher dosages.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:05 PM
1

Yep: "Familarity breeds contempt" "The Grass always looks greener on the other side"
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 11:03 PM
2

80% chance, based on many posts on here and the situation described, there's another dude in Netherlands she's interested in.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:36 PM
6

Document, document, document. Trust your instincts. Do not let her spend money without providing you with receipts. Are you all in the same house? Does the father really need a whole new bathroom or just some grip handles and a walk-in shower? And, again, Trust your instincts. From the tickling in your thumb, something wicked this way comes - attend to that feeling.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:32 PM
1

As another poster said better below - she is "Monkey Branching" - looking for a branch to hold before letting go of your branch. The Asexual thing is her negotiating whether she needs a new relationship. "Am I really asexual or do I just need a new relationship?" At some point, she will test the latter. Asexual people don't go on Tinder or other hook up sites.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:05 PM
1

Sounds like you're a really good person. This is the "Alpha Reinterest Phase" that many (most?!) women go through after having children, usually after their infant/toddler years, looking for magic butterflies and tingles that TV and Media says they "Deserve". If leaving clean clothes in one hamper and dirty clothes in another makes you feel good, go for it. I do something like that, I have two fabric cubes, one for shirts and the other for underclothes and socks. All I do is seperate them. I'll …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 04:00 PM
1

This is a great time to buy a video surveillance system on Amazon - check with your lawyer too about state recording laws, usually it's okay to record your entry area/door, at least if there is a sign. She's probably spun a helluva tale about you too, so watch out for that. Call that lawyer, and check any social media you all share for any fib stories about you, and have a lawyer draft a cease and desist letter if she's half-truthing and spreading baloney.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:56 PM
1

Thanks for the Post! With sleep trouble, I find a power walk, some melatonin (start with 3mg), and a shower before bed helps. Other sleep items I use is soft mood lighting only before bed, paper or non-blue screen reading, and some of the ambient (think Space Documentary) music from the commerical free, no pay site Soma.fm - Drone Zone, Space Station Soma, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:47 PM
1

This sounds silly, but instead of sitting down worrying, worry with a brisk walk around the block a few times instead. It does help discharge stress and burn off some of the nervous energy, as well as help sleep
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:37 PM
2

Yes, Will the kids see the best qualities and version of you to imitate if you are constantly drained? When you are in charge of your own space, you can organize and keep it up faster. It's a good time to snoop, too. Whatever people say, I've always felt when one is sharing bills, dead skin in the bed, toilets, utensils, bodily fluids, cars, etc. the "Muh Private phone/laptop" excuse is nonsense.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:36 PM
2

"No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover is a great book here. Even if she has mild depression and ADHD, she still needs to perform some tasks. It's not fair that it fall all on you.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 03:33 PM
3

While the $30k in debt didn't happen to me, I did know a man whose wife racked up $30k in unpaid credit cards using his name/ID. He found out while driving home from work and on a whim decided to check out a dealership and started talking prices, they ran his credit and said "Denied". He had just checked his credit a few months before - this was just before you could do this on the internet easily - and was very high. Complete shock. He came home, confronted her, and she said she did it AND she …
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:39 AM
4

I did. Precisely because of frivolous spending and disrespectful treatment.
/r/Divorce_Men29/10/24 08:32 AM
5

Happiness is a fleeting condition; seek contentment. A balance of challenges and appreciation. One thing I try to do that makes me get rid of the Grey Feeling is to appreciate what I have: A safe and comfortable place to sleep, food, sunshine, a functional car, etc. Getting outside is really important, even - and maybe better - in bad weather. A little exercise really improves the mental state.
/r/Divorce_Men22/10/24 06:12 PM
3

Similar situation. She was rushing me all summer to get some paperwork in. As soon as I did so about 6 weeks ago, suddenly the brakes are on. That's because the lawyer sent her the state calculated Child Care & Support numbers and it's about half of what I'm paying now. ($450 instead of $800). I think she's dragging it out for the extra few hundred as long as possible.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 11:03 PM
1

In the US recording varies from jurisdiction and because marriages often happen in one but divorces in Another (Marine marries Okinawan in Naha but they divorce in Utah) some are missed. In any case it's about half and probably higher if we cut out the pre-Sex Rev surviving couples.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:56 PM
1

Exactly. We have to keep in mind that there are still large numbers of people who married before or just after the Sexual Revolution of the 60s living. And, Millennials are at or beyond average marriage age (now 30 y.o.!) still need a few years to see if it lasts. Too bad I can't find stats on under 65-year old marriage rates. I bet quite a few still living Silents and older Boomers are keeping the numbers looking better than it is for "Fertile Age" couples.
/r/Divorce_Men16/10/24 10:55 PM
2

My best friend since Childhood told me the same exact thing. They went through 3 counselors before she found a b-buster. And shucks, that was the right one, honey!
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:42 AM
1

I have heard this from many.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:34 AM
1

One thing you might want to do as soon as you can is get a comprehensive blood test, including your Testosterone levels. One of the key indicators of chemical imbalances is losing ability to focus.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:32 AM
1

Ludwig, you're a helluva good guy. It's about time you make some "You" time. All power to you. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:30 AM
3

Yep! As he says on the SSM Channel "Academy Award for Best Actress Goes to..." to the STBxW.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:11 AM
1

Not a plate, but a bumper sticker : NO WIFE, HAPPY LIFE Definitely magnetic, wouldn't have that in the supermarket parking lot lest a lady who just ran out her alimony or blew through her 50% of the equity saw it, with a shopping cart in her hands.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:09 AM
3

Keep your heads up boys! I don’t have many friends, thousands of miles away from the closest family member, will live in a place I never really wanted to live in for at least the next decade, many other things against me. But what I do have going for me is starting to realize person number 2 (myself) can’t be the best dad to my child (person number 1) unless I feel the “best”. BAM! This is it.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 04:07 AM
2

Yeah sorry, I wasn't trying to sperg.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:58 AM
2

Yes. I just wanted to emphasize 43% (closer to half than to a third!) number comes from a state/local system where it's very common for, say, a Puerto Rican couple to marry there but divorce in, say, Illinois. And then because of naming conventions, database differences, an error in birth or marriage year recording, big studies will "Miss" the divorce filing. So some experts believe the 43% is a few percentage points higher. I mention it because nearly half of all first marriages and 70%+ of sec…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:48 AM
2

And that's with the Marriage rate being half of what it was in 1970, too, to an all time low, despite the largest demographic cohort outside of Boomers (Millennials) being in their 30s. In fact, the 2010 marriage rate was almost 30% higher than in 2021. People were quick to blame that on COVID, but the rate has not rebounded and in fact marriage service businesses like dresses and jewelry stores stopped hiring and began laying off. https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2023/07/marriage-divorce-…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:44 AM
1

Most people do not get divorced... yet. The "still married" does include 30 year marriages, but also 3 month marriages, or people who were divorced in Utah, but married in California but the records didn't match perfectly so it was a false negative.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:38 AM
1

No, 50% is first divorces once adding a few percentage points for the fact that people often marry in US states, territories, or other jursidictions (ie a Marine that was stationed at Naha, Okinawa marrying an Okinawan, then divorcing), but divorcing somewhere else (ie 29 Palms, California) and it getting missed. There is no centralized respository of Divorce / Marriage certificates.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:37 AM
1

No, it's about 50% of 1st (First) Marriages. That's an estimate - most studies come in around 43% but because the US has 50 states and multiple territories, it's believed to to be a few percentage points higher. For 2nd Marriages, it's about 73% and almost all third marriages fail, well over 80%. There will be some lag, and of course marriage rate also dropped like a stone in the US, something that "don't worry" interest groups tend to deliberately forget about.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:35 AM
2

The US does not have the highest divorce rate. Russia, Moldavia, China, etc. have higher divorce rates. South Korea's is about the same but marriage in general is tanking hard there, worse than the US. While the divorce rate has declined slightly since it's early 1980s peak, the US marriage rate is half of what it was in the 1970s, now at an all-time low, lower than the Great Depression, WW2, or the Panic of the 1890s. Peaking in the early 80s had to do with youth demographics; but the decline i…
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:30 AM
1

If you don't have a physically intensive job, please start exercising as soon as possible. It's great preventative medicine that is good for mind and body.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 03:00 AM
2

Run it by a lawyer anyway.
/r/Divorce_Men30/09/24 02:59 AM
1

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. I'm actually forgiving of guys because most guys just want some attention both to the heart and 'downstairs', and society/media hammers home the message of "The Strong Independent Modern Women are the real victims, always". It's so prevalent everywhere at all times I feel less anger at those who believe the song that is sung to them. Good on ya for listening to him, you are now stronger for it, and to boot allowed him to make some amends.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:30 AM
4

I'm so excited for you, sir! You're going to have coffee in peace and quiet, you're finally going to have the retirement you deserved to have. As a teen I was an avid jogger, living in a retirement community in all but name in Florida - nobody really under 55 lived there, I was pretty much one of two kids living in the whole development of 100+ homes. I would see old men sitting in the garage of these then-brand new houses. On an August Afternoon, I would jog past them before I went to my job at…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:27 AM
1

The daughter cheated first on the husband should greatly mitigate things to a wise, beleiving man: "Forgive him as he forgave you."
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:13 AM
1

In some states, adultery mitigates or obliterates any alimony claims, and can help with other things as well.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 06:00 AM
1

Is it legal in your state to put a tracker in the car? Or drop an older phone so you can track it? Go talk to an attorney immediately without her knowledge. Take a day off work to do it. I would also hire a private detective. In the meantime, be on your best behavior. You might think me and some other posters on here are crazy, but our spidey-senses are tingling.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:59 AM
1

Happy to hear the counselors weren't the way they usually are. "Oh, you work 50 hours a week, make the lion's share or the only income, she's a SAHM or a P/T employee, but she wants you to cook as well so the kids wait until 8PM to eat on school nights? Why don't you do that? Are YOU selfish?"
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:55 AM
1

There's a meme for this: "Honey, you've been a little distant for the last few weeks, so I'm leaving you."
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:52 AM
2

That story made me remember I had a beer in the fridge - Yuengling Black and Tan - hardly ever drink, but I loved the ending so much I'm gonna celebrate in your honor! Thanks for that!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:52 AM
1

Sell them as "almost new" on Ebay or Amazon. Buy a beer or a treat for yourself and savor every last drop/bite.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:41 AM
1

Main Character Syndrome / Solopsism. "I, the planet at the center of the Solar System, am deigning to assist one of the comets that is leaving the orbit because I am Good even to those who did not merit my wonderful proximity of presence."
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:41 AM
3

I have never seen a "Break" end up successfully. I have seen women come back to men a few months later, stay for a few months, then the old problems magically return and the relationship ends anyway. It just stretches out the torture, especially if the guy didn't ask for it (which I have honestly never experience happening personally or by proxy). Just rip off the bandaid.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:24 AM
2

Oh man, my weakness also.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:19 AM
1

Yeah, I was like "Too many goths, punks, artsy girls. I'll trade up to classical music." Didn't work. Maybe I should have gone for an athlete or non-band nerd!
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:19 AM
2

She thinks the grass is greener, there is likely somebody else because there usually is in these cases of sudden *poof*. This will not feel great to you. It might help you to think back on some strange moments in the past few months that you wrote off when it happened as no big deal; sometimes playing Sherlock is helpful - but don't obsess. The GOOD news is that now you know her real character. This means you should continue to be excellent to children and start being excellent to yourself. It's…
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:16 AM
6

As Stalin once remarked about being disliked in the Vatican: "How many divisions does the Pope have?" Does she have money? Mine doesn't, mostly because she spends on tons of minor fripperies and weekend trips.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:04 AM
2

"When dealing with Mandarins, agree with them completely, but sadly remark that you would love to help but cannot because..." - old advice. And document, document, document. Also teachers love to get respect and deference.
/r/Divorce_Men25/09/24 05:02 AM
5

Wow. That's a serious Pearl of Wisdom. They really do look at most men like jobs.
/r/Divorce_Men11/09/24 09:37 AM
3

Go talk to a lawyer. Law, like complex medical issues, are something you can't really get from the internet; it takes an expert who knows nuance. For example, an author got in big trouble for not understanding "Recorded as Death" meant in 19th Century British law. It was a way of getting AROUND the mandatory death penalty. In reality the person got a few years in basically the old version of a halfway house.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:18 AM
4

My wife went away for a few weeks for work. I finally had peace for the first time in years, and that was being alone, working full time, with young kids. Meal prep, laundry, cleaning, bathtime + a 9 to 5. All a snap without her, without the constant nagging and groaning and negative waves, man. The kids were fun and a joy. I realized what was bringing me down.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:15 AM
1

I am sorry for your hardship. Be good and strong.
/r/Divorce_Men09/09/24 05:12 AM
1

This is entirely true.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:34 PM
8

As the old cartoon said "Knowing is half the battle". Once you see it a few times, the stoicism/detachment becomes easier and easier.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:31 PM
3

"Constant Craving". They literally live in fear that there is something better out there and they might be missing it, no matter how far fetched. Once you see what goes on with the eldery in homes, you realize it never ends.
/r/Divorce_Men06/09/24 05:30 PM
1

Belittling talk, lack of respect, etc. The realization that she consistently treated strangers far better than I. This is a big one.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:33 PM
6

If she was having such a great time, she'd be too wrapped up in it to be texting you. She's just trying to get a rise out of you. Make it a habit NOT to check her texts/whatsapp or on the latter, set it up so it doesn't "Notify on Read" if you're worried about missing kid stuff. Do not reply to any of her alleged fun stuff. If you've been married for 16 years, chances are she's at least knocking on 40 if not older, so I'll take the whole 4 men wanna marry her stuff with a heavy shovelful of salt…
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:31 PM
9

You're in the "Everything my hubby does is wrong, selfish, bad" stage. It's actually you being gaslighted.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:28 PM
10

You found out now and not later, so this is a major league Providential blessing.
/r/Divorce_Men04/09/24 07:18 PM
2

You got this. There is nothing wrong with righteous anger, but use it in cold logic of course - don't express it verbally or esp. in writing. Go into the garage/park and yell if you must, or vent to a friend or family member. If you can get her to say this in text or email, this could be construed as abandonment in some states which might mitigate any divorce issues you might have. However, her moving out can be construed as abandonment as well. If so, take her right off the credit card and take…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:26 PM
11

It's not "Mean" or being an Ahole to say things to people who treated you like crap. For some reason over the past few decades, it became verbotten in the West for men to say "mean" things in response to crappy treatment. It's a mind virus; we're all expected to be goody-two shoes Princeling Heroes in the face of negative stimuli. Aristotle and Aquinas both said the excesses are the extreme: It's just as bad to put up with nonsense without allowing yourself justified anger, as it is to have a ha…
/r/Divorce_Men02/09/24 08:15 PM
1

Talk to a lawyer first, and don't tell her you are.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:22 PM
1

Please don't lay with her anymore. You don't need to add STDs to your list of problems.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:21 PM
4

Sure, all women are wonderful, no flaws, only evil men are to blame. If ONLY the husbands had washed one more dish, didn't forget to put out recycling that one time, hung up the bathroom towel straight even though the sink counter is so overrun with makeup palletes and hair irons you can't put a toothbrush flat down anywhere. If only he had agreed to buy yet one more set of $8000 dining room furniture, she would have never cheated and have been treated like the wonderful Princess she knows she i…
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 06:01 PM
2

Late 40s here. I enjoy women in small doses, a few hours at a time, but I won't cross the street for a meeting either. I'm full of enjoyment and had a pretty decent teenage to 30 dating life. Zero interest since my marriage ended 3 years ago; I no longer derive any kind of pleasure or have interest in romantic relationships.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:57 PM
2

Congrats and here's your far more peaceful, better future!
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:03 PM
3

Yeah, Tony's from Tony's Stories talks about Men Wanting to Fix things for their women, when there really is nothing in our power to fix.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 04:02 PM
1

This user you're responding to is giving the usual reddit takes in their history: "Leave him for recording you having a flip out, My ex was a narcissist, My husband crossed a line when he told me not to blame him when I didn't go kayaking while having a 3 month old in the house, etc."
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:57 PM
3

This is scarily true.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:45 PM
2

I found a former tenants notebooks under the bed, and while thumbing through it - I didn't know whose it was at first - I found similar remarks. A 50-something year old woman writing about how "She was really meant to be with Bob Englebert from High School" and such nonsense one expects of a teenager.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:44 PM
3

Thanks for this story! The internet is amazing. Guys who once would blame themselves are finding out about common situations, and too common to be all caused by the male partner only. Somebody who only was really met/interacted with weeks or months ago is going to come off better than somebody one has lived with for years.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:43 PM
5

Ah, she was gathering info to both assuage her own guilt and/or to use against you. "My cheating isn't as bad as when you were in high school and smoked butts behind the gym"
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:40 PM
6

Thanks for this. Evidence Tray #1,598,431,983 to trust and follow up on gut instincts.
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:39 PM
16

Women Retcon their past. The same woman who lovebombed you until the first child came is the one who tells you that she put up with so much and you were never good for anything, despite the fact that you did everything from buying a far more expensive house than necessary to paying off tens of thousands of dollars in her frivolous spending on Credit Card bills over the years (while she complained if you brought a $1000 guitar or new computer or outdoor gear once a year). What a blessing to have …
/r/Divorce_Men31/08/24 03:35 PM
4

Nothing better than Schadenfruede. Mine had a hobby job which paid less than McDonalds, thought she was the strong independent career woman. Now she has to work at a job she doesn't like after 10 years... and a housekeeper I provided! Hahahahaha.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:56 AM
1

Try 2-3mg of melatonin about 20 minutes before bed. I was a horrible sleeper, but that really does the job for me. As for her, it's pretty common that they want you to believe that you could never possible get over them, you're ruined for life by not being in their general vicinity, and the old momentos are an attempt to get you to pine to satisfy her ego. "Yeah, he never got over me, because I'm such a wonderful woman, the best that ever was." Many truly believe that.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:46 AM
2

Yep - Once a cheater, always a cheater! Probably after a year or two, when the infant doesn't need so much care. I can hear the pick n' choose excuses from the "Santa's Laugh" Handbook: I needed to feel pretty/young again You didn't service my needs (though I turned you down all the time you initiated) You didn't pay me enough attention You work too much You're around too much, not ambitious enough to 'help' our family (my frivolous spending)
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 02:44 AM
14

Sorry man. Here's some tactics that might help, because we're all guys here and we're solutions oriented! Get the atmosphere under your total control. Favorite, happy music, or if there's too many memories, try Drone Zone on soma.fm or Space Station Soma or any other channel. It's just space documentary style music and might help you zone out. Great time to reorg everything. Put the coffee where you want it, most convenient for you. Sweep behind corners, move the fridge or oven and get under it.…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 12:55 AM
25

Look at TV, esp. ads and sitcoms. Fathers are presented as bumbling idiots. Despite denial, most people get their views on life through mass media. "Holy cow, look at these well behaved children following their obvious father who is carefully selecting food at the grocery store for optimium nutrition and thrift! His wife MUST have trained him." When in reality the wife just buys frozen bags of Dino Shaped Chicken.
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/23 12:39 AM
1

I still bang. I just don't do LTRs and never a live in.
/r/MensRights28/09/23 01:18 AM
1

Exactly. The "In" in incel means "Involuntary" MGTOWs are mostly guys who have had enough experiences - and not necessarily one really bad marriage, it can be a lot of different experiences - and have concluded the juice, at least Long Term Relationships, aren't worth the squeeze. I'm MGTOW and I have two on and off girlfriends. We do typical stuff like watch crime dramas and eat meals and screw. No living together, and if I ever get the "Can't we just cuddle" crap if I haven't seen her in a few…
/r/MensRights28/09/23 01:16 AM
1

... while society believes the woman and does everything possible to find reasons why a decent guy, who worked, paid bills, kept up the yard, played ball with the kids, etc. was a horrific MOnnnnn-stah who treated her soooo badly.
/r/MensRights28/09/23 01:11 AM
2

From her own tales of her mother (perennially pining and dissatisified for material things, spendthrift, stubborn) - she died when ex was a teen - my ex turned into her mom as well.
/r/MensRights28/09/23 01:09 AM
1

Good points all. 21st Century problems do not have 1950s solutions, unfortunately many keep pushing 1950s solutions. One thing I am sure of is neither of my Grandfathers had to put stars on a chart for goodboy points to get whoppy, and neither washed a dish except in extraordinary circumstances. Either grandma or the kids washed the dishes.
/r/MensRights28/09/23 01:07 AM
10

There's a line of thinking - and I think it makes some good points: Feminism has revealed raw female hypergamy Previous societies used the promise of young fertile females to lure men into marriage and incurring a lifetime of obligations to be paid in labor for generally less than the labor's value Because hypergamy is now open and revealed ("666 man") and young fertile low bodycount women are exist far, far, far below demand, men have been freed from incurring a lifetime of obligations to "the …
/r/MensRights24/09/23 08:27 AM
2

I agree that the system should be fixed, but I also don't want to take home a dangerous machine until it's repaired. And even if it was, I find I enjoy the 3-6 month honeymoon phase and familiarity breeds contempt. For good convo, shared hobbies, what's wrong with other men? For me, MGTOW is simply men not living to revolve around a woman, system fix or no system fix.
/r/MensRights24/09/23 08:20 AM
3

Right. Finding a sane woman that you Want to be with (not just one to have one) is like looking for the exact right needle not in a hay stack, but in a needle stack. And like many men have found in history, even if you found the needle with the right gauge, measurement, etc, there's always a chance it's a knockoff and stops working after you officially take it on as your needle. Maybe it was pretending to be this high end German needle, when it was a knock off clone. As many men find AFTER the r…
/r/MensRights24/09/23 08:15 AM
3

Thanks VoliminalVerse. Thank you for recognizing that big misconception, that MGTOWers have no/little experience with women. I was a lifeguard in HS, a raver in College, never lacked for hookups or girlfriends, and married 13 years. Most of the experiences long before OLD when you had to go and talk to people IRL. I'm MGTOW because the juice ain't worth the squeeze, and there's no mannity man uppiting that isn't more work than the payoff, and every slight mistake sets you back months of effort. …
/r/MensRights24/09/23 08:02 AM
9

This is why a woman with a husband who works 50-60 hours/week, pays all or almost all of the bills, does all the outside housework and a chunk of the inside, runs errands on his way home when she is home with a car and childless half the day or more... gets angry if she sees him watching Sports on a Sunday evening, whips out a duster, and makes a big show of "ooh, if only SOMEBODY were to dust the tops of the ceiling fans" the moment she sees him sitting down.
/r/MensRights24/09/23 07:56 AM
2

You got it. And those who think this is BS, do what I said as a test. Tell an old embarassing story that is funny in hindsight, maybe with a wristful or thoughtful twist. And see if it doesn't come back. Also: EVERYTHING you do or say in the bedroom gets told to at least one of her friends. Everything, bar none. If you have a birth mark or discolored patch on your genitals, or you like it fast or slow, don't be surprised if 6 people know about it a few weeks later. Remember Clinton? The same hal…
/r/Divorce_Men22/09/23 03:47 PM
1

I bet there's a chemical aspect to it, like a detox from all the cortisol you overproduced for so long to handle things. Your body was used to such high levels and it took a while to adjust to the new situation. Congrats, fren.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:58 PM
1

That's why the men of old were right, and Post Modern Therapy Culture is wrong. Treat 'em like a Fungus. Keep them in the dark and feed them ... compost When you tell them sensitive things, they either get anxious or think you're a weak man. They'll never appreciate your confidence, only be annoyed by it one way or another. Or use it as ammo. One great way to test my theory, take a mildly embarassing story from HS/College era, something dumb you did, and exaggerate it slightly. I guarantee withi…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:55 PM
1

Yep, dirty girls get dinner. Replacement calories for the ones the burned. Dinner AFTER the dirty, not before.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:48 PM
2

The fact she was asking you financial questions just before your trip means your few drinks after work were just the excuse.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:47 PM
1

House cleaner costs $200 per month lol. I love when they mention "Oh, housekeepers get $15/hr". Therapists get $50/hr, Landscapers get $30/hr, etc.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:39 PM
3

You should be paying youself 10% cash each paycheck, minimum, in any case. Because things are in flux, you might want to raise that. You might want to have the cash held by a trusted family member or friend with a good safe he'll let you share space in. Just in case of robbery, heh, don't keep it in your home or property. I don't know what state, but in California and many other states, Pre-Nups are tossed 50% of the time.
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:34 PM
1

Buddy, I hear ya. I married in the 2000s just before smartphones and a few years before Tinder. My divorce is in the works. All the usual shit except no sex, that I got a couple of times a month, but her gross disrespect, everything not-good enough, and general bratty behavior made me kick her to the curb. But sex for 13-15 years with the same person is boring and she was not interested in doing anything new or exciting. The second child broke her brain and her... Because I was in plenty of STRs…
/r/Divorce_Men21/09/23 04:31 PM
-1

Keep the governments hands off my kids. The same government that will rule for "Bodily Integrity over Religion/Values" is the same one that will say "And on that note, the social worker has decided your 8-year child has Gender Dysphoria; the medically and psychologically necessary emergency surgery is scheduled for next Monday. We will not let your outdated superstitions or other bogus principles interfere with this health giving, life enhancing process."
/r/MensRights20/08/23 06:12 PM
7

Ireland is a super no go. Very blasted with feminism in the past few decades.
/r/MensRights20/08/23 06:10 PM
13

The one from the Harry Potter Flicks that all the guys around 25-35 think is wonderful. She gave that speech for "He for She" or whatever the Gynocentric NGO was.
/r/MensRights20/08/23 06:09 PM
2

The Baby Trap comment she made was a major Red Flag. Wayyy too risky.
/r/MensRights20/08/23 06:00 PM
1

The old "Let them talk enough and they tell on themselves". She's infatuated with the married woman friend of hers, because that's EXACTLY what she intends to do... to him. Though for now, she thinks he's good enough not to have to fake it. But once the New Relationship Energy fades... she already has her role model and plan to imitate her. ​ Fellow dodged a bullet.
/r/MensRights20/08/23 06:00 PM
2

You dodged a diamond bullet aimed directly at the... head?!
/r/MensRights20/08/23 05:57 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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