I'm going to get a lot of judgement and flak for this but here goes:

I'm 48M. My wife stopped intimacy after the kids (2 boys) were born. That was 15 years ago. 4 years after that, she wanted a separation. I am still living with her and the kids because she is a stay-at-home mom because our younger son is autistic and needs special attention.

I have always used alcohol as a coping mechanism. Breakups, heartbreaks, job losses, etc. But for the past couple years now, I've started drinking everyday. I drink half a mickey most days, sometimes more.

In the mornings, I swear I want to stop drinking. But as evening approaches, the urge sets in and I finally give in and buy myself a mickey. I go out most evenings and I see couples holding hands, laughing, talking and having a great time. I have no one to do that with and it gets incredibly lonely. Drinking helps numb the pain of loneliness.

After the wife stopped the intimacy, I felt very neglected, undesired, unwanted and ugly. I retreated into a shell. Outward, I was jovial, friendly and nice. But inside, I was so lonely, ugly and in my shell, because I felt so hideous. I had also put on a lot of weight because of my drinking.

I've decided to make a change. I've started working out again trying to get back in the great shape I used to be in before I got married, and getting women was never a problem. But after working out in the evening, I can't help but go to the liquor store to get myself a mickey.

The problem really, is seeing so many people so happy, with a companion/mate/friend and I have no one. I can't move out beause then the ex-wife and the kids will not have a roof over their heads nor food on the table.

I want to stop drinking and turn my life around. What did you do to stop drinking and turn your life around? I'm just asking for help. Judge me all you want.