Still can’t process the hard truth

GurSpecialist9176 · 2024-12-06T05:06:53+00:00

I’m in literally about the same place. 3 months ago my wife said she wanted out. I fought and scrambled and was lost.

One piece of advice. Have the uncomfortable conversation. Have the conversation you’re dreading. For me it was with our kids. I did my best to put it off as long as I could while she pushed every day we needed to tell them. When she finally forced that conversation, a switch went off in me. This was no longer a person that loved our family. This person was worried about only herself. This person wasn’t the wife I thought I had.

Since then I’ve been on the fast track to figuring myself out. I still mourn the loss of our lives and family as we knew them, but I do not mourn her, because the person I thought she was clearly doesn’t exist.

We’re luckily fairly amicable and I’m sure I’m still going to vary between the stages of grief, but that conversation sealed it for me that the person I loved doesn’t exist anymore.

Icerunner45 · 2024-12-05T13:49:37+00:00

This is what modern western women do. They look at us as paychecks and stability for their easy life. They get bored and sacrifice their family for their own happiness. It’s selfish and disgusting. Thanks feminism.

LashkarNaraanji123 · 2024-12-05T09:55:40+00:00

When an infant grows into a toddler and no longer requires hands on care 24-7 is a big danger zone.

What men often see diffulty as "our endearing bond by mutual struggle", others see as "It wasn't perfect, so it's not the magic it's supposed to be and therefore not True Love/Soulmate".

No-Asparagus6937 · 2024-12-05T07:31:37+00:00

Same fing story..same here. I bought a house and paid for half of it, the other half mortgaged on both of us. 2 weeks later I am a toxic person. How can I be toxic when I paid for the house you fing wanted? How can i be toxic when i paid for your car? How can I be toxic when I worked for our sons therapies and paid all of them? Snake! End of rant. I am happy the fing monster is out of my life. I only care about myself now. I come first not even my kid comes first because if I dont rebuild myself he is doomed as well. They dont know love, they dont understand the meaning of marriage. Thank god I did not have any health issues cause she would kick me to the curb. Put yourself first, hit the gym dont let her see you down. Give her the middle finger! I say this many many times there are good women out there we just got unlucky, rebuild yourself for someone new and never put them first. p.s I kicked her out of our home, she is renting now and begs me for more money and house went for sale she will get nothing.

unK4G3D · 2024-12-05T03:00:58+00:00

My separated wife of 40 years and 5 grown kids was very good at having me believe that we would stay together after the kids were raised. In 2024 we went on several fun trips together and even met with our financial planner to make sure we were on track with our retirement savings so we would have enough money to travel after retirement. We had our share of problems that we were working on, but about 3 months ago she said she didn’t love me anymore and wanted a divorce. I convinced her to try a separation first to see if that would help. She is currently working more than full time and has moved out. There isn’t another man, she just wants to live alone for a while and spend time with our kids and grandkids to figure things out. I still love her and pray every day she will come back to me. This has been the worst 3 months of my life. She is suffering too. Neither of us can imagine finding another companion at 60, but I wonder if I will want to live alone the rest of my life if she decides to divorce.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-12-04T21:42:29+00:00

Yep the dumper gets to grieve the marriage with the comfort of a loving partner (you). They then drop the bomb.

But the dumpee always ends up miles ahead at the 5 year mark. The dumper is not forced to grow as a person or learn from what went wrong and is doomed to replay things in their next marriage.

Beamformer · 2024-12-04T21:06:10+00:00

She wanted you around until she was sure that she didn't need you or had secured/identified a replacement. Social media, divorcing friends, lots of input pushes people towards building narratives that help them feel good about doing thing X eventually. In the end , my wife couldnt tell me what was her issue with me (changed everytime i asked), What it was was, is that she thought she could do better. She started thinking this when her marriage busting friend divorced years ago and remarried up. She definitely seemed to not care what i did until midway through the divorce when she realized I was dating younger and more attractive women (also nicer, smarter, funnier etc) and had lost any and all concern for her outside divorce negotiations.

DrakaninX · 2024-12-04T18:45:56+00:00

Hey OP, my wife did basically this exact same thing. It’s so hard. Mine only been a month and a half or so and I still want to believe she loves me somewhere in there. She’s “trying to figure it out” which means there is another guy, obviously, which I already know about.

Doesn’t change the fact that my life was ripped away from me. I know I have to accept and move on, I’m working on it. I have good days and I have bad days.

henrysmyagent · 2024-12-04T18:15:12+00:00

It takes a supreme level of selfishness to sign a 2-year lease with a man you supposedly stopped loving 2 years ago.

She is rewriting history. She never truly loved you. She just stopped pretending 3 months ago.

Men can fake interest in a woman to get sex, but women can fake an entire relationship for cash, resources, free labor, and emotional support.

Most men meet the real woman they married at the divorce.

Nighthawk2824 · 2024-12-04T18:11:52+00:00

I feel/felt your pain man. My wife left almost 2 years ago and then I eventually ended up finding out the truth about a year after she left. I was absolutely fucked up mentally and emotionally when I found out everything. I will say it’s going to be tough for a couple years man but it WILL get better. Do not be surprised if there has been someone new this whole time cuz that was my case and a lot of others on here. Get yourself to therapy if you can afford it, workout some. Even if you can’t hit the gym then do push ups everyday and eat right. That is what has helped me. After learning who my wife is now. She never was who I thought she was. She had no care in the world what she was doing to me and to our daughter. I’m thankful she left. Change your mind set and tell yourself you’re gonna be happy. Ik it’s easier said than done cuz I was there. Take your power back man and move on. But I stress again to get some therapy and bang out those push ups everyday and eat right. I hope all goes well for you man. I’m sorry for your pain.

Confident-Crawdad · 2024-12-04T18:09:08+00:00

It's bizarre how this exact scenario plays out over and over.

What is it that prevents so many women from just talking to us?

No hints, no innuendos no silent cues we're supposed to pick up on.

Plain. Fucking. English.

It's really easier to lie and gaslight and betray the man who's stood by you, supported and loved you?

Come on, no one's that evil are they?

Title	Still can’t process the hard truth
Author	thelongroad94
Upvotes	28
Comments	64
Date	December 4, 2024 5:52 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1h6mc76/still_cant_process_the_hard_truth/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/still-cant-process-the-hard-truth.1537621 https://theredarchive.com/post/1537621

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