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CorporalCabbage Archive

View 10 posts and 145 comments by CorporalCabbage on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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5

I haven’t been with a woman in many years. My wife cut off any forms of intimacy years ago. It was awful. I became someone unfuckable. Messes with my head.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 08:19 PM
2

I’m trying to drop weight. I’m such a mesomorph and have slight man boobs, but there is muscle behind them. My arms are pretty great for my frame. Honestly, for almost 46 I was think I’m doing well. I just need to start working it. Problem is, I haven’t had sex in sooooo long that it clouds my brain.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 06:30 PM
3

lol, me too. I’m 45 and I bust my ass at the gym. I’m not cut, but I have muscles and my body works well. It’s so funny how that puts you in like the top 10% in our age group.
/r/Divorce_Men07/07/25 05:39 PM
1

Are you super tall/hot/rich?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 10:05 PM
3

I can NOT dance, so that’s out. I’m gonna try a hiking group to start. I’m in good shape and happiest when I’m outdoors. I’ll see what I find. Part of my problem is I get in my own head and then get overwhelmed. Then I want every problem to just be solved. It’s panic. I have to remember that this is a process and it might be slow for me. I just need to keep at it.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 09:16 PM
2

Same. I’m losing my best friend and my “family” in one shot. What you are saying makes sense. What did you do to be around people?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 08:52 PM
1

You don’t have to be a dick about it. Of course I know that. I want compassion, not fucking “tough talk.”
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 07:34 PM
2

Ok. Thank you. I know I can survive on my own. I’ve done it before. She makes all the money but, when we met, she moved in with me.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 07:03 PM
2

To be fair, I’m killing it at the gym. I go whenever I can, which is not as much as I’d like. I’m home for the summer (teacher) so by default I have the kids the vaaaast majority of the time. She goes before and after work. I’m not trying to be negative, but she makes a fuck ton of money and she looks awesome. She’s had plastic surgery on her body (not the face) and is in the best shape of her life. Of course, she never really had a sex drive. I’m so low so she seems so high. It’s the improve my…
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 06:55 PM
4

How do I “throw myself into other people” when I don’t know any other people?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 06:50 PM
2

We are the same person. Please tell me you’re in Connecticut. We could be friends.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:25 PM
3

Thank you for this. I actually came home early yesterday to help put the kids to bed. I feel like a loser a lot at the time because she is very desirable and seems to have a very active social life. I spend lots of time by myself and it makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:19 PM
4

There’s a few hiking groups in my area. I should try that. I need the gym for weights. That’s my church, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 05:06 PM
1

Thank you. It helps to know that it’s hard for others, too. I’ve been trying to reach out to people but it’s hard because it feels so forced. She’s gotten herself to a great place and I just feel very left behind. I throw myself into my kids but I need something for me, you know? I also really miss being touched by a woman (it’s been YEARS) and that has been clouding my thinking lately.
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 04:35 PM
2

Are you using apps? Do you just date as many as possible? Do you only swipe on ones that are attractive to you? Please provide some info about what happens to get to the date. I haven’t been intimate with a woman (my wife) un many many years so my head is cloudy, you know?
/r/Divorce_Men06/07/25 04:24 PM
2

It’s been 6 months so far.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:48 AM
6

I’m exhausted that I have to get through this. I was doing well enough, and I didn’t think I’d have to dean with this for a couple more months. It’s unfortunate that I have to deal with it right now. I wish it happened later; we’re still in the same house for Christ sake.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:27 AM
5

Since we still like together, I am 100% in helpful husband mode. No more. I’m done. I’m pissed. She makes all the money in the family and it’s been a battle to see how little she can get me to accept. That’s over. I’m telling my lawyer to scorch the earth.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:24 AM
1

I was denied intimacy for years. She always said it was her, not me. I always help out hope that we would reconnect when the kids got older. Now, she’s down like 80 pounds, had amazing plastic surgery, and is toned as fuck. She looks better at 43 than she did when I met her at 27….and some fucking douche bag gets to enjoy her amazing body.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:21 AM
1

I asked who the lucky guy was and she laughed at me, said she was not going to talk to me about it, and quickly went into her room and closed the door. I yelled, “it’s so soon” to her…like, it’s so soon for you to be fucking someone. Our sex life was nonexistent for years and she would always say she felt asexual. She had zero desire and would never even kiss me. I would say, “I’m afraid it’s me, like you just don’t want me.” She would always say that was simply not true. She’s just not interest…
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 01:18 AM
3

It sucks that there is nothing I can do to make it not hurt. It’s just gonna hurt. I was dealing with the divorce pretty well, but this is a new stab in my gut. I want to lash out at her, but that would be a mistake and work against my self interest.
/r/Divorce_Men27/05/25 12:47 AM
5

You are totally correct. Both times we went as a family, it was fucking miserable. The kids loved it, but it was brutal. My wife is an extreme planner, so she had a fucking agenda every day. My in-laws are incredibly out of shape and overweight, so even with scooters they struggled. I was the workhorse; carrying anything and everything, occupying the kids when decisions were being made, providing relief or muscle wherever there was a need, and keeping shit together. Like our entire marriage, my …
/r/Divorce_Men24/05/25 01:27 AM
4

We are not divorced yet. I won’t move out until I’m bought out of the house. I can’t afford to rent an apartment on my salary. I need to be bought out of the house, without her lowballing the shit out of me, plus the full child support I am owed according to the state in order to have some kind of life for me and my kids. I’m a teacher in a high COL state, my salary is pathetic. I’ll figure it out once the lawyers figure It out.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 10:48 AM
6

I don’t expect them to include me. I realize this is inevitable. I’m here to share my feelings with others who have been through a similar situation.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 09:58 AM
3

You and I have much in common. As teachers, we give and give of ourselves only to make less and less money each year. We are worth our weight in gold. Thank you for sharing. You have given me a small slide of hope, even if it is just a glimpse.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:26 AM
2

I hear you, and ultimately I need to look at it as just another event. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not that big of a deal. I love my kids and I can do great things with them. I was never the planner in the relationship, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do amazing things with my kids in the future. This is a marathon and I’m looking at this one thing as the finish line proving I lost. It stings to have it be one of the “firsts” without me. I’ll get over it. Just not right now.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 01:23 AM
5

It does help. We took them to Disney twice while we were married, barely a year apart. She had been pushing to take them again, but it frustrated me. We could afford it, but I felt it was a waste of money to go so many times. She told me that she wanted to do it while they were young, which I understand, but it seemed unnecessary. Deep down I was angry that we were going to Disney more frequently than we were having sex. I feel left out of their dopamine rush, but I know that I will be able to c…
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:45 AM
2

No. Never suggest anything to me again, lol.
/r/Divorce_Men22/05/25 12:25 AM
1

I’m trying to, but I feel like I fucked up. I’m having a hard time accepting my choices to not just take the deal.
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 01:19 PM
1

This is not a surprise. I’ve always known she thinks I’m a cream puff. She’s the tiger, I’m the feeler. We were always a team and we were aware of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We would work around them. Not anymore. She has been protecting her interests, and I’ve been trying to manage the amount of pain I’m willing to accept. Now that attorneys are involved, she’s turned full ice queen. We still cohabitate. My in-laws live with us. I am a pariah in this house. I didn’t initiate any of …
/r/Divorce_Men20/05/25 12:42 PM
3

I would never ask for full custody. The kids need their mother. If they can’t have us together, they deserve us equally.
/r/Divorce_Men18/05/25 01:20 AM
1

You are making me feel better.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 10:27 PM
3

I’m going to now. During the start of this, we just had a mediator and no attorneys. She was wheeling and dealing during mediation sessions, arguing that I was an unfit parent and wasn’t responsible enough to have the kids 50% at a time. When the mediator brought up that she would have to pay child support if we had 50-50 custody, which is the standard in our state, she said to him, “I’m not interested in paying child support.“ I was willing to leave lots on the table because I’m afraid of her. …
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 09:37 PM
3

She makes 3 times my salary. Why the fuck would I pay child support??? I will not accept less than 50/50 Custody of the kids, and in our state that means the higher earner pays child support.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 01:07 PM
2

That’s all I wanted, except for spousal support. I also wanted to only be responsible for 30% of the credit card debt as is the difference in our incomes and spending habits. Our credit card debt went from 10k to 50k in the last 6 months. I also cut a check to myself, which she handled, for 20k (I have an investment account smaller than her 401k) to fully cover replacing the central air in the house. For some reason there is a 10k payment plan on our credit card to the company who did the centra…
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 12:48 AM
2

She’s so knowledgeable, I feel like she’d know how to hide it legally. There’s a brand new Peloton bike in our living room that she told me was her parents, even though her name is on the box and they can barely walk. I need new brakes for my car and I’m afraid to spend the money. What the fuck, man.
/r/Divorce_Men17/05/25 12:37 AM
2

I remember you! You DM’d me a while ago and had good advice. The word mercenary sticks out. You’re right lol. She’s been fuckey with money, I’m almost certain. Our joint checking account went from 40,000 to 800 in a couple months, there’s been LOTS of purchases on the joint credit card (not from me), and I still have no idea what account her paycheck is deposited into. There’s other shady things too. I’m certain that my attorney will take care of those things, but my wife is certainly savvy enou…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 11:25 PM
4

That’s funny because my wife told me I’d been negotiating with her in bad faith. I’m not a negotiator; she’s a corporate banking executive and I’m an elementary school teacher. I was getting my ass handed to me in mediation, so I hired an attorney. This process has been clunky for me, even with an attorney reviewing it. It’s better that attorneys are taking over, but this decision does not benefit her. I don’t know why she terminated mediation. That scares me.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 11:16 PM
3

50/50 custody is priority. I’m in CT, so it’s the default.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 09:19 PM
4

My lawyer is calling me in 15 minutes. I don’t know why shes doing this. If she stands to pay more if we go to trial, why is she doing this? She does not make emotional decisions. She’s a corporate banker and has ice water in her veins. She is very rational. I’m scared by this. I just got served with discovery from her attorney.
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 03:10 PM
4

The only ammo she had was that I didn’t know what days the kids had off of school. I fixed that within 5 minutes by putting those dates in my calendar. I used to drink a lot and smoke weed. I quit weed 3 years ago and stopped drinking 2 years ago. She used to sometimes smoke and she drinks too. Nothing irresponsible. I have a temper and sometimes get frustrated with my kids. I don’t hit them. Sometimes I get angry with them and I walk away to calm down. I always come back and talk it over with t…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 01:58 PM
1

I made babies with her, for Christ sake. Her initial offer to me was zero child support with joint custody. She said that I’d get like 100k from the buyout of the house, which magically appraised at 648k when comps in the area go for 100k more. When I told I wouldn’t be able to afford afterschool care so I could work, her offer was for me to see the kids every other weekend. When I think about that I get mad. For months she argued that she doubted my ability to care for the kids 50% of the time.…
/r/Divorce_Men16/05/25 02:17 AM
10

My lawyer told me it was a bad deal. A bit more money that you speak of is more like $60,000.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:57 PM
8

If she wants to end mediation, then alimony is absolutely on the table. Even if it’s just for leverage. She owes me so much child support that I can live without the alimony, but if she wants to fight like that, then I have to ask for itas a way to recoup legal fees.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 09:57 PM
8

I hate this shit. I want it over. I don’t have the strength for it.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:53 PM
2

I’m willing to meet her halfway, which is why my lawyer asked for a bit more. If I ask for my intended number, then she’ll meet me halfway from my number.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:52 PM
-8

I feel like I made a mistake. I want us to have a good relationship.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:31 PM
2

I’d rather negotiate. I want what I said. I don’t want to go to trial. I want this over. I feel like I made a Mistake.
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 08:30 PM
0

We are in Connecticut, which is a community property state. We have 40,000 in credit card debt, and my lawyer suggested that I only pay 25% of that debt based on income. Also, she spends way more money than me. All I did was follow my attorneys advice. The timing of it may have been poor, since we were set to finalize everything on the 29th, but I’m doing the best I can. We are not selling the house though. She is buying me out. Why would there be a $32,000 realtor fee followed by $7000 of addit…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:52 PM
3

I feel terrible because we were so close to an agreement. She is a corporate banker, and I am a school teacher. I’m used to being told what to do by her, and I’ve always placated her. She would see it differently, and probably tell you That she has had to endure my childishness and neediness for the whole marriage. During the latter half of this process, I have just been doing whatever my lawyer said to do. She was pissed. I even hired an attorney to review. She is accusing me of being greedy, n…
/r/Divorce_Men15/05/25 07:48 PM
2

I am afraid to rent, because I make so little money. I do not make enough money to afford rent. I will be using money from my investments to purchase a house. I am afraid if I wait until property goes back down, then my investments will also be down. I need to talk to my broker, and a realtor. I am very overwhelmed, and I have a tendency to try to rush in to whatever is quickest.
/r/Divorce_Men09/05/25 08:50 PM
2

Thank you. Your words move me right now.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:59 PM
3

It’s taken a week to start to shake it. I’m not gonna judge it. I’m gonna try to just go with the sliver of positivity I feel.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:58 PM
2

Thank you. I’m started to feel a little better but it’s taken all week. It’s ok. I can’t judge it.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:57 PM
2

This is good to hear. I will probably just have to sell it as something really awesome. My head has been so toxic this week that I can’t envision selling anything. I have received so many wonderful responses from men today that it is helping me realize that this weekwas a massive over reaction. It doesn’t change how I felt, or how I feel, but it is making me realize that this is just temporary. I need to stop listening to myself sometimes.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:51 PM
1

Thank you for your words. This is clear and succinct. It’s true that I felt a real sense of progress, only to be knocked back on my ass within seconds. I need to be more mindful about how my actions affect my thoughts and mood. I have a tendency to get locked into patterns. I have a tendency to ruminate and perseverate, I will stick to a routine, even if it hurts. Again, thank you so much for your response. The responses I have received today are slowly chipping away at the worst of it right now…
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:50 PM
3

I hope so. It seems impossible to believe right now because there’s so much damn noise in my head. I’m at a point right now where I see any external thing as being “bad.” Like I’m supposed to be totally alone? I don’t know. I with my head would just stop and let me be.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 08:05 PM
4

Yeah, I was used to being a dad and just doing what she said. I feel directionless. I feel out of control…not crazy, just unfocused. I have to build my own life but I’m just so tired. I feel broken and out of gas. I want to lay down and give up. I know I can’t. I just feel so defeated.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 07:16 PM
2

Shit, ok. Ok. I sort of assumed they wouldn’t care if I was gone. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 07:11 PM
2

I signed up for Rachael’s course. It was helpful. My membership is now expired and I’m freaked out about money. Thank you for your words. I need to sit in the woods for a while.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 05:11 PM
3

I desperately needed to hear this. Thank you so much. I just want you to know that I love you. I mean it. I feel love towards you as a human being. Thank you for responding to me.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 05:10 PM
1

Thanks. I’m so drained this week. I’m tired of the fight in my head. I’m 45 and have been depressed my entire life. Therapy, medicated…I’ve struggled to not be miserable. This experience has been too much. I feel so depleted. I want out of the car. Why live if it feels like this all the time? So I can be miserable around my kids? If I kill myself now, they may forget about me and remember me as someone who struggled. Fuck.
/r/Divorce_Men02/05/25 03:59 PM
3

Teaching is VERY full time for me. I’m exhausted with 2 young kids and I can’t afford the time or energy to work a second job. My STBXW will owe me a bunch of child support, so that helps the stress of affording a place.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 06:20 PM
6

I’ve been with her for 15 years and we had 2 babies together. It’s gonna take a while to untangle my feelings for her even though we weren’t a good fit anymore. I just didn’t expect this process to effect how I view women. I was wondering other men’s experience with that.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 04:38 PM
3

This threat has made me do a lot of thinking. I work out 4 times a week. In the past 2 years, I’ve lost 45 pounds, quit drinking, and no more drugs. I’m an elementary school teacher, so my pay is shit, but I deeply care about my work. I am what I am. Funny, smart, and interesting along with (sometimes) anxious and needy. I’m working on myself and, when the time is right, someone is either gonna love me or they are not. My ex is so gorgeous, but she wasn’t able to be intimate in all senses of the…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 11:03 AM
8

This threat has made me do a lot of thinking. I work out 4 times a week. In the past 2 years, I’ve lost 45 pounds, quit drinking, and no more drugs. I’m an elementary school teacher, so my pay is shit, but I deeply care about my work. I am what I am. Funny, smart, and interesting along with (sometimes) anxious and needy. I’m working on myself and, when the time is right, someone is either gonna love me or they are not. My ex is so gorgeous, but she wasn’t able to be intimate in all senses of the…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 11:02 AM
9

We are still cohabiting and this divorce is unwanted by me. She stopped being intimate with me years ago and was unable to open up to me emotionally for almost a decade. I have done nothing but pursue her for 9 years. I’ve been working hard in therapy for a few years to be a more secure person, and now (she asked for a divorce almost 4 months ago) I’ve shifted to healing and moving on. I’ve made progress in acceptance and growing as a person, but I have no idea who I am outside of being a dad an…
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:53 AM
5

Yes to all you have said. I am attracted to women in their 20s and 30s. Some women in their 40s are pretty, but most of them look so rough.
/r/Divorce_Men12/03/25 12:02 AM
2

Noted. Sounds like a plan.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 09:43 PM
2

We filled the affidavit out. Can she still hide even with the affidavit?
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 09:36 PM
3

I consulted with a lawyer today. He said, don’t talk to her about anything. There’s no way she’s get anything like she says. He informed me of my rights and said to let the mediator do his job. After we meet with the mediator on Wednesday, I can retain him if she doesn’t agree. I feel much more calm, knowing that, legally, she doesn’t have any room to negotiate. It makes me sad that she said horrible things to me and accuse me of being selfish. I understand that it was an emotional reaction beca…
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 08:55 PM
1

Because I feel guilty. I don’t want her to have. To sell the house. I want the kids to spend half their time in their own beds.
/r/Divorce_Men24/02/25 03:05 AM
3

You’re right. Half of assets, 50/50 custody, child support, 70/30 shared child expenses. That’s what needs to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 07:20 PM
2

You’re right. Half of assets, 50/50 custody, child support, 70/30 shared child expenses. That’s what needs to happen.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 07:20 PM
2

Technically she’s divorcing me. Wouldn’t child support be used in part for some of my expenses? If I received 1500 a month in child support, I wouldn’t even know how to spend all that on the kids?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 06:03 PM
4

I don’t want to be like those woman that everyone in this sub is pissed at. I don’t want to hurt her financially. Why is it so hard for me to accept that I’m legally entitled to something from her? It’s like if I push for that, she loses respect for me. Is that fucked up thinking?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:55 PM
3

I’m trying to please her. I still crave her approval. Fuck me, I can’t keep doing this. Fast forward 2 years from now and I’ll be alone and too poor to do anything for my kids.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:04 PM
3

I am listening to her because she has always been the leader of the family. I was a fuck up until we met. She made me want to be a better person. I’m an elementary school teacher now which, while not glamorous, gives me purpose and helps me contribute to society. She has always been the hard driving, high achieving type-A breadwinner in our relationship. I have always done whatever she says because I’m a good soldier and she is a good decision maker. You get my point. The correct response to thi…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 05:01 PM
1

She said she would. Does that matter? I’m not trying to be difficult.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:51 PM
2

You know, I never finished that book. Typical. Just to get it out of my head, she would argue that I’d use the child support money on my own expenses. I mean, I’m not going to spend 1,300 a month on the kids. Clothes, food, entertainment…we don’t spend lavishly on them. So, isn’t the child support money for my expenses and theirs? I can save it for college for them and other larger expenses? I’m sorry, my brain shuts down in these situations.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:48 PM
1

She would tell me to just eat into my investments. I don’t know if she has a point.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:37 PM
1

75/25 with no child support?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:33 PM
2

What about 70/30 on expenses? She would probably agree to that with no child support.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 04:31 PM
2

I like you. I teach 4th grade, so the math I teach is basic. It’s usually about apples and pencils instead of future well-being. A Zillow estimate (inaccurate I know) puts out home at 789k. We have about 300k left on the mortgage and about 200k of other loan and HELOC. You’re right, I have no spine. I crave the approval of others. That’s why my marriage fell apart. I needed her to validate me and that shit is exhausting and infuriating. I don’t blame her. I feel that every “ask” I have is selfis…
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:59 PM
1

If we go through mediation, and we agree to no child support then there wouldn’t be any child support right?
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 03:00 PM
2

She suggested 60/40, but I would need to fully cover child care on the days I have them. She also will be hurting for money after buying me out and refinancing.
/r/Divorce_Men23/02/25 02:59 PM
7

Fuck, this is me right now. We have 2 young kids and I’m so pissed I have to co-parent with her. She broke my heart and I have to see her every week after this is over. This week I’m pissed. Last week I ugly cried everyday. All while she lives her best life and smiles all the fucking time. Fuck you.
/r/Divorce_Men25/01/25 12:43 AM
1

Love Rachael Sloane. I bought her course.
/r/Divorce_Men16/01/25 12:31 AM
1

I’m going through this too. We are cohabiting and I want to die. She’s so happy and she laughs so deeply. She never been happier and smiled so much. I feel like I’m burning to death. I wish she would have fucking talked to me, instead of just being pissed at me for years. She’s been over it for years while I pursued her nonstop. I feel broken and without purpose. I love our young kids but I only wanted kids with her. I feel so lost. There is no point to living.
/r/Divorce_Men15/01/25 11:54 PM
1

This is exactly what I’m hoping for.
/r/Divorce_Men08/01/25 10:53 PM
1

Thank you for your words. Our communication is good right now. Neither of us is interested in dating or anything like that for a loooong time, so there’s no awkwardness there. I’m working on myself everyday. Therapy once a week long before she wanted out, and I joined Rachael Sloan’s course and support group. I know that my progress will be limited as long as we are in the same home. Right now, I have my own room and bathroom. We can be in the same room together and do things with the kids. So f…
/r/Divorce_Men05/01/25 05:47 PM
7

She did change. She became more distant and needed me less. I needed the attention, affection, and validation. She did not want to give it to me. A few years ago we had an argument and I told her “it’s like you don’t want to be in a relationship.” Her reply was “ehhhhh, maybe.” For the past few years, she hated that I craved attention and affection. Her big point of contention was, “you need me to validate you.” For the most part, she’s right. I do. I never thought it was too much to ask for lov…
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 06:23 PM
5

I was so thoughtful when I chose her 15 years ago. She went against all my “types.” She was (still is) a great girl with a great head on her shoulders, successful and fun. There must have been something I neglected. I’m deep in a few different therapies. I hope to figure it out. I’ll check out some books too.
/r/Divorce_Men01/01/25 04:50 PM
10

Years of being touch and intimacy starved. Now, we are splitting up. I crave touch and love. One day.
/r/Divorce_Men31/12/24 09:04 PM
2

That’s awesome! You went on a low stakes date, got some practice, and realize that you don’t want to compromise. This is a win win win situation. Good stuff.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:43 AM
2

Looove Rachael Sloan. Just enrolled in her coursework and I think it’s going to be very helpful. I spoke to her over the phone for 30 minutes one day and she was very compassionate, soothing, and connected. I’m in a tough spot right now, as we all are, and I feel like there is a plan in front of me for recovery.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:36 AM
1

That last sentence…hoooooly shit. Yup. My turn was 2 months ago. lol.
/r/Divorce_Men30/12/24 12:30 AM
1

Everything you are saying is correct. This is not a divorce fueled by negativity. We didn’t have compatible coping styles and kids blew us apart. We grew differently as people. This has needed to happen for a looong time. I read a lot of the stories here and they don’t ring true with me. My wife is not evil or vindictive or hurtful. She more than pulled her weight in our marriage, just in ways that didn’t make me happy. Same can be said for me. I’m still angry and hurt though. I’ve been begging …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 01:04 PM
1

My therapist is amazing. I’ve been working with her for like a year and a half. Our marriage has been shitty for years, and I’ve been using ineffective coping systems for my entire life. She has been a great therapist since day one. In the past few years I’ve quit drinking, quit smoking weed, got my diet right (though this experience has fucked it up a bit), started being consistent with the gym, and lost 45 pounds. Nowadays, I’m trying to use my emotions more effectively. I journal and reflect …
/r/Divorce_Men26/12/24 12:41 PM
2

How do you get to that point? My wife just told me she wants out 2 months ago. We are still co-habitating, and she doesn’t think of me. She is just living her life and it’s like I never existed. I feel like a houseguest who has overstayed his welcome. I asked her if she wanted me to come to her extended family Christmas party on the 28th. She said it didn’t matter to her; she hadn’t given it much thought. It hurts. Her indifference hurts. I am trying so hard in therapy and out to feel my emotion…
/r/Divorce_Men25/12/24 03:48 PM
1

I hope you have a good Christmas, buddy. Take care of yourself.
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 11:28 PM
4

My wife dropped the news to me 2 months ago. We agreed to get through the holidays and then proceed. She’s never been mean or vindictive, so I’m fortunate to not have an aggressively mean spouse who wants out. That being said, intimacy had been an issue for nearly a decade. She was never big on conversation or passion since getting married 12 years ago, and I learned to ignore my needs and focus on other things. Your post literally made me say, “wow!” The thought of a woman actually wanting to b…
/r/Divorce_Men24/12/24 11:25 PM
2

I understand. Being married to her was exhausting and the opposite of uplifting. She would say that being married to me was exhausting and stressful. We would both be correct. Sometimes I realize ways that we weren’t a good fit for each other anymore. We tried our best with who we were at the time. I wish things were different. I also wish I had wings, but that doesn’t make a difference either. Be good, brother.
/r/Divorce_Men20/12/24 11:13 PM
1

I’ve been in therapy for a year and a half to try and change my thinking and reactions. It’s helping, but this process is extremely taxing. I want to grow and be better. I refuse to turn into a more angry and bitter person. I have a strong desire to learn to handle my emotions because I want to be happy. I also don’t want to be alone forever.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 07:11 PM
4

Oh my god. I’m a teacher, too. She used to call me the “house bitch” because I did everything. She’s a banking executive and started making like 4x my salary 5 years ago. I never complained about my “tasks” because she enabled us to have a great lifestyle. We were a team, or so I thought. The difficulty I’m having is that since she said she wanted out, she is happier than I’ve seen her in nearly a decade. She is all smiles and laughter, she’s better with the kids, she’s been working out 6 days a…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:15 PM
3

I literally took college courses for her in exchange for a weekly blowjob. She graduated in May and that was the last time we were “intimate.”
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 11:09 AM
2

Funny you say that. Our son is on the spectrum and I suspect our daughter is as well. In addition, they both are ADHD. My “wife” is definitely ADHD or a generalized anxiety disorder, but she’s never been diagnosed. She will not go see a doctor like a normal person does. Oh, she saw a doctor for her bariatric surgery and her plastic surgery, but she does not go to a physician because she sees that as “being weak.”
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 10:45 AM
6

Of course! Sometimes when there’s close contact, arousal happens. It’s natural and normal. Clothes must remain in at all times and hands must be kept over clothes at all times. Basically, if you get a boner it’s fine. Let the other person know, then tuck it or just let it be if they don’t care. I don’t remember if I got wood. Honestly, the whole experience was very nonsexual. I’ve tried to explain that to the ladies I work with, and they were unable to process how it would be nonsexual. Maybe th…
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:55 AM
1

I’ll check him out. I always seek out the advice of women. My dad died when I was a kid so I’ve always been drawn to women for comfort and support. I’m an elementary school teacher, for Christ sake! I think i need to step out of my comfort zone and listen to some more advice from men who I connect with. Be well.
/r/Divorce_Men18/12/24 12:11 AM
4

I think she is advocating for learning how to process emotions quickly and without incident towards others close to you. It’s attractive to me because I tend to wield my emotions like a club and end up bashing into others with my insecurities. To your point though, I’ve officially (now) never had a successful relationship. I don’t know what women want, but I know what I want for myself. I really hope I can find a woman in the future who lines up with the person I want to grow into. Good lord, I …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:53 PM
2

I’ve heard of the birth control thing!! Right now I’m addicted to Rachael Sloan on YouTube. I want to take her course but it’s so expensive. She called me and we talked on the phone for 30 minutes. We clicked really well and I am really interested in her program.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:38 PM
11

Our entire relationship has been that way. I’m a school teacher and she’s a banking executive. We loved our partnership (before kids) because we were an incredible team. We complimented each other so well, and appreciated what the other person brought to the table. It was pretty great. Then, we had kids and it broke us. We didn’t know how to handle it and it was like our first baby dropped a nuclear bomb on our marriage and we never figured out how to make us work again. That was over 9 years ag…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:35 PM
3

I’m exhausted too, bud. I am only like 7 weeks in so we are still in the same house. I spent a month on a tiny ass couch in the office. Of course I let her have the bed. Now I’ve moved all my shit into the office and have a bed. It’s nice enough that i think I could totally handle it for a couple more months. We said we would get the process started after the holidays, so that’s when it’s gonna get really tough. Eventually I’m gonna have to move out and that is going to be the real test. Hopeful…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 11:31 PM
5

What is npf(s)?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:20 PM
3

lol. Totally. When she broke my heart, I just kept telling her through my tears was, “all I ever did was love you. All I ever wanted was for you to love me.” Gives me chills thinking about it. I am dead set in getting through this without hate in my heart. I allow myself to feel, which is a challenge. I’ve always been big into booze and weed to numb everything for my entire adult life. I quit weed 2 years ago and quite drinking a year ago. I’m feeling EVERYTHING and it’s exhausting. I don’t want…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 10:19 PM
2

I heard one of my college professors use it 1 time back in 1999. He had a very thick Boston accent. That’s the only time I’ve ever heard it. I’ve used it maybe 5 times since then. It’s pretty great.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:24 PM
4

We were the opposite. She was fat when I met her, but I didn’t care. She was/is so beautiful. She was not my type, but my type always burned me. So, I gave it time and I fell for her. After the wedding our sex life slowed down, but when we did it, it was really great. Then, she started blowing me instead of fucking most of the time, but I didn’t care. Then, the kids came. After the first kid we took a break for a few months and then it was like barely once a year we fucked. She decided she wante…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 09:15 PM
4

What site is this?
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:55 PM
4

That’s funny because my wife used to call me “needy.” Then she’d tell me that “nothing is ever good enough for you!” I totally believed her and beat myself up for YEARS over it. Now I’m beginning to think that I just wasn’t getting what I needed. Like, I needed my wife to simply touch me and pay attention to me sometimes. In the 12 years we were married is was very common to go without sex for over a year. We probably had sex 6 times in the past 8 years. If that is needy, then what the hell do o…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 07:55 PM
12

Dude! You and I are the same person! My wife’s last straw was one night we were in bed, I was staring at the ceiling praying she would pay attention to me while she silently scrolled on her phone. I decided to be the change in that moment and asked her, “what is your favorite thing that I do for you?” She was confused. “What do you mean,” she asked, clearly annoyed. I clarified, “Like, I love it when you touch my arm. When I feel you touch me, that’s my favorite thing you do for me. So what’s yo…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 06:49 PM
5

I totally understand. The experience reinforced the belief that I am a very touch-feely person, I’ve just been stifling it for years and years and years…and years.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 05:35 PM
4

Excellent. You’re not in CT are you? Some tips. Temper your expectations. There are some weirdos there. Lots of weirdos. Also, I am in decent shape. I work out 4 times a week and try to watch what I eat. I’m 5’8” and like 180. I’m not ripped but I life weights to I have a good amount of firmness to my body, if that makes sense. I wore pajama bottoms and a tank top to the party and I looked like a fucking Greek god compared to nearly every dude there. So, if you are in some kind of shape, I feel …
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 05:34 PM
6

I mean, I wasn’t getting laid when I was married so at this point I’m down for anything.
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 05:31 PM
3

It was weird to me how many couples there were. Almost everyone was either with someone or had a significant other at home who was cool with it. My guess is that it’s like a very mild version swinging. Like, you can get close to another stranger and it’s kind of exciting and a bit socially taboo. It’s perfectly safe, though, because boundaries and consent are so heavily stressed. I very much enjoyed it, and I can’t wait to do it again. However, when I start dating in the future I want to have no…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 04:32 PM
5

It was really awesome. The funny thing is, when I was telling the people I’m close at work about it, they all said the same thing; “you hate to be touched, why would you want to do this?” Then I realized that for years I had crafted a persona of not liking to be hugged or touched. I’m an elementary school teacher so nearly everyone is touchy-feely. Whenever colleges would ask if I needed a hug or try to touch my arm, I would always tell them “I don’t like to be touched.” I did this because my wi…
/r/Divorce_Men17/12/24 03:26 PM
1

Rachael Sloan on YouTube.
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 01:29 AM
3

Oh man. I hear the hurt in your words. A lot of your situation sounds like mine. Life is full of constant growth, and you guys just didn’t grow the same way at the same time. My advice to you is to jump head first into therapy. Find yourself a therapist for gets you. You will know within a few sessions if they are a good fit for you. The therapist I have now is incredible, and she has been vital in the process of becoming a better me. You can not do it alone. You don’t know how. No one showed yo…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 01:28 AM
2

Ok, I’m going to try. I don’t know you, so this is all guesses. I get the impression that you are a checklist kind of guy. You are trying really hard to make sure that you are “doing” all the things you’re supposed to, but to me it comes across that you are not connected to yourself, like you’re not digging into your feelings and asking why they are there and what they could mean for you. For example, do you ever stop and allow yourself to FEEL the emotions you have? Like, sit in them and name h…
/r/Divorce_Men16/12/24 12:51 AM
2

Good point. Thank you.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 04:18 PM
3

I don’t have the money for sugaring. I’m a classroom teacher, so money is tight. I just miss having a woman pay attention to me. I figure it might be good for a quick boost before entering back into celibacy mode. I don’t know though. Kind of sounds like a druggie saying “just once more.” But I’m starved for attention and affection.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 04:14 PM
2

I have been working with a therapist for the past year and I’m working on only thinking about things as they are happening. I don’t want to worry about things aren’t actively going on in front of me at the current moment. I’m 45 and going to the gym is very helpful. It’s funny you mention hobbies. I used to be a fabulous trumpet player and about 2 months ago I picked it up again and joined an orchestra. It’s been great. I have started dipping into a few other hobbies as well, and they give me so…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 01:55 AM
3

Thank you. I am without a plan right now because I’m still in shock. My wife is by far the breadwinner (my salary is 66 and hers 180 before bonuses) so I have no idea how that would work. She is level headed and has never been vindictive, but I guess they doesn’t matter now. I need a lawyer no matter what. I’ve made some significant life changes over the past few years. Quit drinking, quit smoking weed, got my diet right, started going to the gym, and lost 45 pounds. I notice that I’m eating way…
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 01:33 AM
4

We are going through the beginnings of the process. Haven’t had sex in years. I feel like after everything is finalized I want to hire an escort just to be touched by a woman again. Has anyone else done that?
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 12:57 AM
1

Thank you for your level headed take on this. My wife told me she wants out about 6 weeks ago and I’ve been a ball of emotion ever since. I’d give anything for this to be over with.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 12:51 AM
2

I don’t practice anymore, but that was beautiful.
/r/Divorce_Men06/12/24 12:47 AM
2

I really appreciate you responding. This experience has been awful so far. I want to move past it the right way, without anger and resentment. I crave, CRAVE a partner who will appreciate me. I understand that this is a process and it will take time, but it’s comforting to hear from other men who are on the other side.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 08:42 PM
3

I had a vasectomy years ago. I’ve probably had sex 5 times in the past 8 years. I have forgotten what it’s like to have someone want me. Sex was treated like a reluctant duty to me. Like I was a monster for wanting it. In therapy my wife referred to it as “being violated.” That hurt. I’ve always been appreciative and gentle. There’s a part of me that’s afraid I won’t know how to communicate my wants after nearly a decade of rejection and disinterest.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 06:37 PM
5

I started playing my trumpet again. I recently joined an orchestra that only plays music from video games. It’s really fun. I think the orchestra will be a great filter for when I’m ready to start dating again. If a woman I’m talking to thinks that it’s lame, I know that she and I could never work out.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:18 AM
8

My wife-person told me 6 weeks ago she wants a divorce. I haven’t had sex in years. The thought of one day having sex again is both thrilling and terrifying.
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:15 AM
4

I’m in this boat, too. My wife has moved on to a few new friends and is just living her best life. She tells me she’s doing “happy things.” All I ever wanted was for her to just turn my way and pay attention to me. I wanted her to be present and to just love me. She couldn’t. She has told me she’s totally moved on (for years now, she says) and she expresses frustration when I become emotional. It hasn’t even been 2 months, but there’s been many times she just scrolls through her phone ignoring m…
/r/Divorce_Men05/12/24 02:12 AM
2

We are very different. I’m the youngest, so I’m creative and explosive. I’m dependable and hard working, but I lead with emotion. I’ve always been a giver and I’ve lost my identity in relationships. It’s something my wife grew to hate; she is extremely strong willed and doesn’t take shit. She never saved me from myself (I know how ridiculous that sounds), but she did take full advantage of my drive to chase and please. I don’t blame her, but I do blame her for ignoring real issues and never tryi…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 06:05 PM
2

But like, do you feel like a person now? My entire identity has been wrapped up in being a husband and father and teacher. I’m about to lose a big piece of that picture and I don’t know how I’ll recover. I miss being loved and I can’t help but think about having that again in the future. I know I have a long road ahead of me and that another woman is a long way off, but I still have that need. Is that something you went through? Is love a part of your life?
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 05:42 PM
2

Thank you. Nothing has officially happened yet, and I’m terrified and dreading the current future. I’m an extremely emotional person, something which my ice cold wife grew to dislike, and I can have big reactions to things. I’m a male elementary school teacher, and there’s some form of drama queen (king) that is drawn to that profession. It’s a very feelings based job, and it’s part of the reason I’ve been able to survive in it for 12 years. I haven’t begun to hurt yet, and I’m scared of the pro…
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 05:06 PM
2

This is what happened to us. My wife was very matter of fact about what she wanted from me. Everything I wanted was met with, “well, that’s just how it is.” Our therapist was terrible and never challenged her, as my wife is very intimidating. Every session was focused on what I could do differently. My entire marriage was been about what I can do differently. Since we’ve been married I’ve earned a master’s degree, changed careers, stopped drinking, stopped smoking weed, lost 45 pounds, took 40% …
/r/Divorce_Men05/11/24 01:56 PM
2

I wanna fucking take lessons from this dude. Seems like a real solid dude.
/r/PussyPassDenied16/05/20 12:23 AM
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