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LizardInFirst Archive

View 2 posts and 188 comments by LizardInFirst on TheRedPill subreddit and various other subreddits related to The Red Pill community.
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34

For me personally, I only started attracting HVM once I’d sorted out my own issues and fully taken responsibility for my role in difficulties that I experienced in previous relationships.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/04/22 01:09 PM
15

Sounds about right! Meanwhile, I was in therapy for years and most of my close girlfriends have been, too - working hard on themselves.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 11:43 PM
74

My most significant ex went to therapy in an attempt to get me back. The moment he told me he’d only gone to one session, because he didn’t need any more, was the moment I knew the relationship was dead. My more recent ex also went to therapy after we broke up and apparently really infuriated his therapist because he refused to consider anything from my point of view. Those two examples taught me a lot!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/03/22 02:40 PM
8

Please tell me you wash yours 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 10:01 PM
21

They sometimes leave themselves in the sink though, which can be awkward if a visitor arrives unexpectedly.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/02/22 04:09 PM
46

Oh wow, I can relate to this so much, especially the paying for them. Fuck that shit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 06:07 PM
7

Perfect. Worth remembering always.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:45 AM
6

And, just to add, he’s still single. I feel like there’s some karma there. Not that there’s anything wrong with being single, but he missed out on someone as good as Nicole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/12/21 01:45 AM
18

This. It’s funny how my friends and family somehow manage not to neg me, isn’t it?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/12/21 03:24 PM
12

I hear you. I deliberately portray myself as pretty prudish in my profile and early messaging. I’ve found that the slightest hint of anything else attracts the perverts like flies to shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:40 AM
42

Me too. I would love to share this side of myself with a kind, empathetic, equal partner - but I’ve never yet found one.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/12/21 01:39 AM
97

Which is why I hide it. I don’t feel safe showing this side of me any more.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 10:39 PM
32

Yep. I literally went through the profiles of 1,000 men who “liked” me and I think I liked one back. It was like a rogues’ gallery!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/12/21 08:40 PM
16

Agreed - this book literally changed my life. I think it’s probably in my top 5-10 of all time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/12/21 01:32 AM
13

No, I don’t, and for good reason - they inevitably try and make things sexual. It can’t remain platonic with them. I’m very close friends with a couple of gay men, however.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/12/21 06:54 PM
17

I also find it helpful to think: “how would I feel if a good friend treated me like this?”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/12/21 02:56 AM
18

Thank you! He’s truly repulsive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 03:11 AM
19

Any more info on this, please? It’s not something I’ve come across myself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/12/21 12:03 AM
3

I’m picturing a dementor...
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/11/21 01:24 PM
10

Oh man, I wish I’d listened to this 18 months ago. My ex was the master of the neg while claiming to be innocent. Some classics from him included: “Nice hot pants - shame your legs are so pale” and “I quite like your pyjamas”. 🤨 He was bad news. Negging is a red flag!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 02:02 AM
9

I love this as a test!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/11/21 02:00 AM
21

I’d also describe them as wasting chattels.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/11/21 12:35 AM
48

Can confirm. My ex refused to post me, despite having thousands of photos of his ex still visible. We had so many rows about it but he wouldn’t budge. With hindsight, it was a massive sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:26 AM
38

I wish I’d read this two years ago. Would have saved me 15 months of a relationship where he was lukewarm at best!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/11/21 02:25 AM
85

The very act of sending a dick pic proves they have no clue.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/11/21 05:54 PM
38

I’d add: blatant, shocking disrespect as soon as he’s got his leg over.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:52 AM
64

The bar is closed indefinitely due to lockdown restrictions.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:07 AM
40

Sorry to be negative but my love life has been an absolute shitshow. The closest I got to a good relationship was with an extremely intelligent man, though sadly we had other issues. I’m hardly in a position to give advice but I’d urge you not to settle for someone who’s not on your level or who is jealous of your success.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/11/21 01:04 AM
4

Yep. I paid for an expensive date with my ex (big mistake). One of the best restaurants in the country. On the actual date, he told me the food was better at a restaurant he’d been to with his ex. I could have (and should have) slapped him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 06:25 PM
6

Great point. My ex didn’t watch porn (which I’m convinced was 100% the truth) but he was addicted to Reddit, TikTok, YouTube, video games, and more. I think he just substituted one kind of instant gratification for another.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/11/21 06:21 PM
103

He told me off “jokingly” because I cut the cheese block the wrong way round (short edge first rather than long). That was a massive sign.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/11/21 12:29 AM
27

I love the head hair comparison. Very apt!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 06:17 PM
50

He should also be prepared to keep his back, sack and crack waxed at all times. It’s only fair.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/11/21 06:15 PM
24

A bit of fun sex (if you’re lucky!) isn’t worth it for your entire college year calling you a slut and avoiding you. It shouldn’t be that way - but it is.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/11/21 12:25 AM
60

Don’t be silly - nobody ever masturbated before porn existed. /s
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/10/21 05:22 PM
132

Both of my two most significant exes negged me about my weight (I weighed less than 120lb). Both of these men were overweight or obese. You couldn’t make it up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:30 AM
38

I’m a similar age to you and have had very similar experiences. That early experimentation in my mid teens was the halcyon days, never to be repeated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/10/21 12:26 AM
44

Story of my life... men think my lifestyle is great until they feel emasculated by it, and like the losers they truly are.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/10/21 09:15 PM
29

Thank you for your kind reply. I am doing better, and determined to make the most of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 12:56 AM
129

I second this. Pornography is a cancer on society. It cost my parents their marriage and it cost me the best relationship I ever had. Protect your children!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/10/21 12:17 AM
6

Can confirm. It’s really bad here.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 06:04 PM
30

My ex commented that I couldn’t get my mouth as far down his dick as his ex did 🤮 I should have left there and then and saved a year of my life.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/10/21 05:56 PM
14

Brilliant post. Having recently got out of a relationship with someone who ticked all my boxes but ultimately made me miserable, what you’ve written makes a lot of sense.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/21 09:51 PM
11

I can relate. My mum suggested dating slightly older guys (mid to late 30s) and I was like, “Have you seen that demographic online?! They look ancient! I still feel young and vibrant and I don’t want to date someone who looks so old.”
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 01:00 PM
13

I actually don’t remember any of mine being GOOD in bed. Sure - some were well endowed, extremely hot, or had good technique - but none of them really cared about my pleasure.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 12:14 AM
49

I cringe thinking about when I used to behave like this... Let’s face it, virtually any woman could walk into a bar any night of the week and find a man for casual sex. It’s hardly an achievement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/10/21 12:13 AM
18

Oh man, THIS. My ex was thinking for one throughout our entire relationship. It was only after we broke up that I could truly see it for what it was.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/10/21 12:31 AM
5

Lol I stuck my head in the other day too, with a hidden profile. What an absolute circus of horrors!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/09/21 12:37 PM
25

Haha, “LURVE conquers all” made me laugh out loud! It’d be funny if it weren’t so tragic.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 08:06 PM
12

I’m only partway through and keen to see what happens. There are times when I feel like throwing the book against the wall, but it is very good writing and I’d recommend giving it a go.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/09/21 07:54 PM
4

And, of course, lots of classes, craft supplies, books, concerts, fine food etc - whenever I feel like it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:56 PM
6

I buy a decent piece of jewellery every year with my bonus. I still have them all and remember the company I was with at the time and how hard I worked. I recently lost one of them and my dad turned up with a replacement piece 10x the value.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/21 01:55 PM
140

Great question. There have been times when I’ve felt like I’d give up everything I’ve achieved for true love (terrible, I know). However, over the years, the terrible behaviour of men who claimed to love me has proved that I can only truly rely on myself and my closest friends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 07:40 PM
7

THIS. They will literally try to rewrite the relationship when it ends.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/09/21 03:20 PM
16

Brilliant post. I broke up with my ex recently and realised that my life has actually IMPROVED since he left, despite the pain of the breakup. It’s actually easier to run the household myself than try to split the chores 50:50 with a reluctant “partner” who’d rather be playing video games.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/21 03:38 PM
27

He wants sex but isn’t willing to pay for it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/09/21 11:55 PM
23

I’ve done a lot of OLD, for better and (mostly) for worse. There’s some great advice here already, which I agree with. I’d add that insisting on a video call before a first date will save you a lot of time. With some men, you’ll be able to tell instantly that they are weird, socially inept, or simply not for you. Others won’t want to video call, which is a red flag in itself.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 11:07 PM
46

I love this!!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 10:46 PM
57

A word of caution, though - in my experience, men with a very low body count (0-1), when there’s no obvious reason such as religion, may have commitment issues.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/21 10:45 PM
85

When he had thousands of photos of his ex still visible on his socials but point-blank refused to post one of me and him. We’d been together for over a year.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 08:37 PM
12

Oh my goodness, some of this fits my ex to a tee. I earnt three times as much as him yet he complained when I had to work late and said I wasn’t doing enough around the house (a total lie). Impossible!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/09/21 08:20 PM
57

“I’m happy to be a tour guide but that’ll be $30 an hour please.” (Some scrotes would probably go for it and then think they’d “paid for” sex at the end too!)
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/09/21 08:04 AM
10

Omg, this times 100!!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/09/21 10:07 AM
3

Fair point, but what do you do if you’re literally in the 99th percentile of earners?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 09:06 PM
3

Become wealthy enough for it not to matter.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/09/21 08:46 PM
14

This sort of shit is the reason I cater my parties with oven pizzas or a takeaway. I’m not slaving away in the kitchen unless my partner is mucking in too.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/04/21 11:31 AM
8

I agree. There’s a real risk of a LVM being a drain on resources.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 07:36 PM
37

If I followed this, I’d never date, because I’ve worked damn hard to reach the top 1% of income. I tried dating a couple of guys who earned similar to me and they were the most abusive, pornsick pieces of shit I’ve ever dated. My current boyfriend earns less than me but still a good wage, especially given that he’s younger and more junior in his career. He works hard and takes on the lion’s share of the housework. He’s happy to have a prenup and to go part-time in his job if we have children, so…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/02/21 05:46 PM
15

It literally was for almost that amount 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 07:17 PM
96

A man did this to me and then started stalking me to try and get his “reimbursement”. He only stopped when I got the police involved. I often wish I weren’t straight!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/02/21 02:36 PM
8

I didn’t get any, thank God. All the blocking I’ve done must have worked!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/02/21 09:12 PM
6

Mine doesn’t either. It was recently confirmed when he went for a government job and they checked his Internet use.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/02/21 09:21 AM
9

Yes. From my own experience, I’d say it’s upwards of 70%.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 02:03 PM
11

This is the main reason why I left my ex. He couldn’t even cum with me in the room and I had visions of requiring a turkey baster if we ever wanted kids. Grim.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 02:02 PM
15

My boyfriend is great in many ways, but he’s also the only man I’ve dated who’s been able to get it up consistently.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/02/21 01:49 PM
24

I want to send this to a certain friend but I’m worried it’ll hit a raw nerve! My boyfriend games for usually 30-60 minutes on some days, when I’m painting or reading, and only after he’s finished all his work and chores. It’s a breath of fresh air after some of the couch creatures I dated previously.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:24 AM
17

I think that’s very generous. I’d bet on 3-6 months. $1 million really isn’t very much money IF the person suddenly starts acting like they’re rich.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/02/21 11:21 AM
28

So bloody true. At least a prostitute gets paid.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/02/21 06:22 PM
46

I like it, but only at my instigation and in a loving, trusting relationship. Any man who asks for it, doesn’t get it (or another date for that matter) because he’s a porn-addled pervert.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/02/21 12:31 PM
50

Such a great comment. I remember my ex being upset, but mostly just amazed, when I finally dumped him. I don’t think he was capable of believing it was actually over, and that door had closed forever.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 10:56 PM
12

What the fuck?! It’s crazy how infantalisingly women are treated!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 03:48 PM
27

It’s been said before, but it’s so true that you’d be able to pick up abortion pills at the supermarket if men were the ones who got pregnant.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/01/21 03:45 PM
39

It’s so true. I had a nice convertible for a while and it would trigger a certain kind of man without fail.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/01/21 05:55 PM
4

Plan B is also only effective if you haven’t yet ovulated. I only found that out recently and it blew my mind! For a good week or so each month, it’s effectively useless.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/12/20 06:03 PM
3

God, this reminds me of my ex. He did nothing around the house and just used to wank all the time.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/11/20 11:22 AM
7

Doesn’t get involved with women, or have casual sex, unless/until he’s emotionally and financially ready for commitment. Takes time to get over someone if he needs to.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/10/20 05:09 PM
3

Ah yes, I’ve dated a lot of Oxbridge men and a lot of classically trained pianists. Believe me when I say it doesn’t count for shit.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/10/20 01:12 AM
16

It’s seemingly a growing problem across most parts of the world. In the UK, we’re very fortunate compared to most countries, but we still have issues with Pap smear coercion, doctors refusing to take out long-acting contraception such as the implant, and general lack of choice. It’s worrying.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:41 AM
8

Yep. I had an ex literally beat me once, and his family (who had been lovely to me for years beforehand) did not believe me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/10/20 10:36 AM
8

Investment bankers - the stereotype is accurate and no amount of money can compensate for an arsehole.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/10/20 12:54 PM
6

Oh man, this is so true. I have two friends in this situation (one married, one not). For different reasons, it’s been an absolute shitshow for both. The boyfriend of the one who’s not married won’t even put them as “in a relationship” on Facebook - after she quit her job, left her friends and family, and moved continents for him. Fuck that shit!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/10/20 01:36 PM
9

This is absolutely spot on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 09:13 PM
49

I think it used to be but that time is decades in the past now. A lot of men are very immature and just don’t want to settle down. Too many of them look for casual sex but pretend they want a girlfriend. Making them wait until commitment for sex is the best way.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 05:19 PM
157

Sorry to break it to you but most British men (especially on dating apps) are emotionally unavailable fuckboys, but some of them hide it really well. Also, be careful if you’re originally from Asia, as I’ve known a lot of British men with an Asian persuasion fetish, and/or who want an Asian woman because they think she’ll be very submissive - both in and out of the bedroom.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 04:48 PM
8

My father always substituted money for love or time, so I’m keen to avoid that dynamic in my choice of partner. My boyfriend makes good money and is financially stable, but for my birthday he spent time on me as well as money. It meant a lot.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/10/20 12:21 PM
2

My bonsai are only 7 months old but I’d be furious if my boyfriend did this. I feel your pain.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 11:31 AM
113

One of my friends recently got engaged and posted the photos and videos all over social media (not my style, but ok). I can’t be happy for her because I know that in private, her fiancé beats her and has been doing so for years. She’s 32 and has admitted that she’s only with him because she fears she’s too old to find someone else in time to have kids. It’s true that most people have no idea what the relationship may really be like behind those Instagram photos.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/10/20 11:20 AM
5

I don’t talk about this much these days but I nearly dropped out of college due to the extreme bullying and slut shaming I experienced. Strangers often called me a slut in the street and the police advised me to lie low for a while due to the rape threats I received. It was absolutely horrendous and took years of therapy to come to terms with. I SHOULD have been able to have casual sex without being slut shamed, but the reality was very different.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 02:33 PM
2

A good reminder! I had to change the address of my company (which is public information in my jurisdiction) after some crazy scrote went into full-on stalker mode after I rejected him. Thankfully nothing really bad happened but I had to file a police report to get him to leave me alone.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/10/20 10:50 AM
7

Pathetic. I will dump a man if he tries to pull this sort of shit again, and I’m not afraid of saying it. I only allow two couch creatures in this house, and they have paws and wet noses.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:15 PM
433

I’m not normally a fan of responding, but this is a truly awesome comeback. I salute you!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/10/20 02:12 PM
14

Yep. I’m on birth control but I’ve told my boyfriend that if it fails, I will expect him to marry me and if he refuses, then I will abort. No freaking way am I having a baby before I’m married.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 05:28 PM
9

“if anything I’m a fucking pornhub category myself” - this made me laugh so much!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy06/10/20 04:55 PM
2

I travelled for two months, in style, a couple of years ago. It was brilliant and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but my career matters more and I can’t go skipping off every time I get bored or burnt out (even though I could afford to). I think a lot of these men have Peter Pan syndrome and are afraid of commitment.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:41 PM
10

Maybe he’ll find a gay guy who shares his interest in “some occasional hole”?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 02:24 PM
21

Good point! To a rich person, money doesn’t matter much, but their time is much more valuable.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/09/20 08:24 AM
3

Great post. I’m anxious (sometimes extremely so) and my dating life massively changed for the better when I prioritised finding someone with a secure attachment style.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/09/20 10:28 AM
113

I once went on a first date with a NVM who told me that my cats weren’t a problem because I could just get rid of them. I got rid of him instead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 07:37 PM
10

And the less he has saved/invested for future life events and retirement.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:41 PM
3

How a man treats my two cats has always been a fantastic litmus test. My mum briefly dated someone who was horrible to her cat. It turned out he was horrible to people, too!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/09/20 01:35 PM
3

It’s a very helpful book. I’m anxious, and the best thing I ever did was search specifically for a securely attached HVM and nothing else.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/09/20 12:38 AM
15

I agree. I asked my boyfriend this question recently; he asked for a few hours to consider it and his answer blew me away. It showed that he knows me really well, understands my best qualities and appreciates me as an individual.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/09/20 03:05 PM
8

Amen! I’ve heard it said that presidents, and CEOs of multinational companies, manage to maintain relationships - so nobody else has a valid excuse.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/09/20 09:24 PM
9

I met mine through OLD. Green flags: consistency every single day for 100 days straight and counting. Always does what he says he will do. No signs of pornsickness. Not afraid of discussing the future. Always considerate of my feelings. Is still kind and enjoys my company even when I’m unwell or feeling a bit down.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy07/09/20 01:38 PM
3

I used to be in your situation. I took 6 months off sex and then met a HVM who is absolutely amazing. Your past does not define your future.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 12:36 AM
19

My favourite example ever was when a friend actually made up a fictional philosopher and the man in question ran with it and continued his stream of bullshit. It was almost impossible to keep a straight face.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/09/20 12:34 AM
14

Is it any surprise that India has such a huge rape problem?
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/08/20 11:13 AM
5

An “outburst” of sex made me LOL. I’ve had a couple of men complain I was a Nymphomaniac when I did this! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 08:15 PM
52

Oh my goodness, this moved me almost to tears. I’m so sorry for your loss, and so impressed by your dignity.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/08/20 04:52 PM
9

Great point. I’m pretty sure body hair usually comes before menarche.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/08/20 10:56 PM
3

Yep! Literally can’t win. I’m planning a family? How selfish to do that to my employer! I’m NOT planning a family? I’m such a selfish career woman! The only upside is that knowing I can’t win makes it easier to do what is best for ME.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/08/20 06:40 PM
4

Yep, or act confused: “What do you mean? I don’t understand” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:43 PM
25

Straight out of the fuckboy playbook.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy19/08/20 01:35 PM
69

This is extremely accurate. I’ve met many LVM like this and they were absolute poison, especially the bankers. One in particular had a big dick and a lot of nasty BDSM fetishes, which he thought made him good in bed... it did not. Despite being stingy and mean, he boasted a lot about how much he earned. I’m delighted to say that I’m about to take a job earning more than him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 02:55 PM
16

These are good signs, but keep screening, as others have said. I got into a relationship around the same time as you and he does my housework without having to be asked! Result!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy17/08/20 01:18 PM
22

Bonus points if it’s all luxury holidays, cars and restaurants - basically a show-off that may not even reflect reality.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy14/08/20 01:32 PM
-5

I’m interested to know what you’d advise if the situation is the other way round? My boyfriend is doing well but I’m much wealthier and haven’t travelled in coach for some years. We recently went on holiday (in coach) and I hated that part of it. What would you suggest in this situation? I could afford to upgrade us both but it doesn’t feel right from an FDS perspective.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 10:13 AM
2

It’s a good idea to have them, and it might possibly save your life - but, like any elective screening procedure, it is NOT compulsory. Bearing that in mind might be helpful.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy13/08/20 12:05 AM
8

I’m very pro choice but do know some women who’ve had abortions who really struggled mentally afterwards.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy12/08/20 11:30 AM
11

I had a similar thing. I was the main breadwinner and worked long hours, while he mainly stayed at home wanking. I did 95% of the housework. He was surprised when I dumped him?! 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/08/20 11:21 AM
3

This is a great list. Mine is similar. Genuine, consistent kindness (and not just to women he wants to shag) is underrated.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy30/07/20 04:25 PM
53

The other one that was key for me was: “What role am I playing in repeatedly making bad choices with men?” It was only when I began to finally accept my own role in choosing commitment-phobic men that I began to make progress.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/07/20 10:47 PM
3

I literally nearly pissed myself laughing. Queen!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/07/20 09:36 PM
1

My favourite response is: “Eww, what is that?! It looks like a dick, just much smaller...” 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/07/20 01:42 PM
11

Yes - it’s very satisfying when timed to perfection.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 09:47 AM
6

My favourite response to this: “No worries - I hope it’s not too contagious” and then block.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 09:46 AM
70

I did the same in my late twenties. Those guys in their mid to late thirties were honestly the weirdest I’ve ever met. I’m now with someone slightly younger than me, which I wasn’t expecting but has been a revelation in many ways. He has much less baggage and can still get it up five times in a row!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/07/20 09:45 AM
5

It’s possible to find but hard. Please focus on you and your mental health until you’re in a better place. 💐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:49 PM
26

I have a similar number. My boyfriend couldn’t believe his eyes when I showed him my block list, but he started to understand once I showed him some of the messages that prompted me to block various people.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:46 PM
30

I had one of these recently from a particularly horrible scrote I thought I’d blocked everywhere. We dated briefly last year and he lied about wanting to be exclusive so he could dump me the morning after we finally had sex. Anyway, I asked him why he was messaging me again after so long and he replied that our time together had been “memorable” 🥴 Just before blocking him, I said that the way things ended had been particularly memorable. Dickhead.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy08/07/20 04:44 PM
10

I recommend reading The Gift of Fear - a brilliant book that covers many of these points.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 10:25 PM
8

I had several periods where I quit all apps and I also felt much better for it. I always went back on in the end, though. I eventually found a HVM on one of them (like looking for a needle in a haystack!) and I realise the time commitment to a boyfriend isn’t that much more than I was spending on the apps 😬 In other words, they were a massive and demoralising time suck that eventually came good... after years.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 04:57 PM
6

This makes me about as wet as the Sahara. A man who actually respects me, treats me well, and helps out around the house, on the other hand... 🧐
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 03:38 PM
1

I’m not ashamed but would prefer not to tell my boyfriend the number. Thankfully he is HV and wouldn’t dream of asking!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/07/20 11:37 AM
8

My current HVM likes a full bush and it‘s so refreshing. I’m sure it’s no coincidence that he doesn’t watch porn! I also noticed that I’m getting fewer yeast and BV infections since I stopped removing my pubic hair, and sex is more comfortable (which, of course, is the point of pubic hair).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy01/07/20 05:16 PM
14

I picked my HVM while off birth control, which I think helped with my mate choice, as I really fancy him and like his smell. I then went back on the pill once we were getting more serious and had discussed contraception. He made it clear he was happy with any form of contraception I wanted to use. He keeps checking in with me that my current pill is ok, and thankfully it is - I realise it can be problematic for many women (and I’ve had problems with other types of pill in the past).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/06/20 09:21 AM
22

I found one but it took a bloody long time (hundreds of dates over several years) and he was younger than I expected. Most of the men over 30 (and particularly over 35) do seem to be avoidant or just plain odd, unfortunately.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 04:18 PM
21

This is so evil yet so brilliant. Another action is to supply their numbers as your “close contacts” if the authorities request it for COVID contact tracing.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/06/20 03:52 PM
3

This. My boyfriend occasionally asks me if I “need a minute” during sex. The answer is always hell no, but I love that he checks I’m ok.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/06/20 04:07 PM
12

By the end of my relationship with a porn addict, he didn’t even bother to hide it anymore. Would just whip out the porn while we were in bed. It turned my stomach.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 01:25 PM
15

I actually said this to a colleague once - a colleague who was JUNIOR TO ME yet still expected me to make coffee for everyone in the meeting. He swiftly took the point.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 01:23 PM
10

Yes, eventually, but it took three years of wading through shit. The good men get snapped up quickly. I’d recommended using it as one tool out of many, filtering ruthlessly, and blocking as soon as a red flag appears. Oh, and I’d recommend not having sex before commitment either; there are some real predators online lying about wanting a relationship to get free sex.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/06/20 12:25 PM
2

India has a huge sexual assault problem (I went there once and was groped almost constantly - never again) but it’s pleasing to hear that rape is now a capital offence there.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy20/06/20 10:37 PM
4

I know one LVM who used to call me this and he turned out to be a total arsehole. He invited me on holiday for 3 days and then ignored me and refused to spend any time with me. As soon as he dropped me back at the airport I ghosted him and we haven’t spoken since, thank God.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy18/06/20 08:56 AM
7

Around 6 inches and girthy is my ideal. It’s great to be able to go for multiple rounds without feeling like my cervix is about to pop out of my mouth.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy16/06/20 04:23 PM
11

I’m glad to hear you managed to find a HVM as well. The attachment thing is CRUCIAL. Understanding that, with the help of a therapist, finally helped me to overcome my lifelong pattern of choosing avoidant men.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 01:58 PM
43

I have finally found a HV boyfriend through OLD, but the adage about trying to find an eyelash in a bucket of shit is true. Over several years, I’ve spoken to thousands of men and probably had first dates with over a hundred. The quality of men in general is appalling. My boyfriend only began OLD three weeks before we started talking, so I suspect the rare decent ones who actually want a relationship get snapped up very quickly. I’d encourage you to take a break if you need to, but not to give u…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 10:50 AM
5

Well done. I am also anxious and have a history of choosing avoidant partners. After a long break from dating and over a year of therapy, I’ve just got together with someone who is secure, and it’s been well worth the wait.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy15/06/20 08:40 AM
55

I just choked on my wine 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy11/06/20 11:16 PM
17

Yep, it’s so scary, the sense of entitlement. I actually had to file a police report to get my harasser to stop this kind of shit. I had to change the registered address of my side hustle company and have a special security protocol for a while at my main job, ALL BECAUSE I HAD THE AUDACITY TO REJECT A SCROTE 😡
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy10/06/20 11:56 AM
37

Lol, someone’s butthurt 😂
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 11:48 PM
23

I could have written this a few years ago. My ex had a dreadful porn addiction that he refused to address. Sex quickly dwindled to a few times a year and he was unable to ejaculate with me, ever. I stayed for much longer than I should have but I eventually left, and it was the BEST THING I ever did. I’m now dating someone new and I used the suggestions from this site to confirm that his views on porn are acceptable to me. He passed!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy09/06/20 05:21 PM
24

That last paragraph - soooooo true! 😂 You can bet these same men are perfectly capable of taking the initiative when it comes to suggesting work events.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 09:17 AM
11

Ugh, what a turn-off. I am 30 and I am so done with lazy dates and lack of effort. I’ve made it clear to the guy I’ve just started seeing that he needs to put effort into planning dates, which requires extra imagination at the moment. It is not acceptable for him to just “drop by”, no matter how convenient. Thankfully he took it really well and is busy planning!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy05/06/20 09:15 AM
12

I’m having the same experience with someone at the moment and it’s great. I unmatched and/or blocked dozens, if not hundreds, of men earlier in the COVID crisis to get to this point. Frankly, they were trash or just not compatible with me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy04/06/20 10:01 AM
7

This is fantastic - go you! I can’t remember how I originally found this sub, but I can say that a few weeks of reading and posting here has done more for me than years of therapy. I finally feel “good enough“ and happy in my own skin/being single, but also worthy of a HVM if the right one comes along. I’m so grateful to this sub and the women on it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy03/06/20 10:29 AM
5

This is true. I work with a lot of lawyers and some are seriously lacking in social skills as well. Really awkward.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 10:59 PM
11

It may be a stereotype, but all the investment bankers I’ve dated have been absolute arseholes.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy02/06/20 10:56 PM
10

Preferably the address of a local crack house or brothel.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy31/05/20 02:07 AM
3

Everyone makes mistakes. In a work context, I guess it’s the difference between a genuine mistake by someone who’s generally a good employee, and a fuck-up made by someone who’s known to have a lousy work ethic. The context matters.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 11:31 PM
16

I love the “best friend” test. It’s funny how my close friends have managed to treat me consistently well, for years, while no man has come close to it.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 11:28 PM
30

This is SO true. During this pandemic, I’ve had quite a few men just drop off the face of the earth. Most weren’t a surprise but a few really disappointed me as I thought they were better than that. They’d better not have the audacity to pop back up when lockdown is over! Similarly, on OLD, it’s become so obvious which men just want a shag or can’t be bothered to keep up a conversation. I hope to eventually meet one or two who’ve messaged consistently and respectfully throughout, with no red fla…
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 09:58 AM
56

This! I’ve actually been mansplained to about a musical instrument for which I have a performance degree equivalent and 15 years’ experience of teaching. The man in question could not play a note. It was actually very entertaining winding him up as we were in good company and everyone else understood what was going on.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy29/05/20 09:31 AM
4

Yes please. I once went on a date with a guy who claimed to be 6 foot tall. I turned up to the date and he was the same height as me (I’m 5 foot 4). When I told him afterwards that some parts of his profile were dishonest (he also said he was a lawyer when he actually worked in legal services), he asked me which parts 😂 I didn’t waste my time telling him.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 11:35 AM
20

I think I know one 10 in real life and he is an absolute knockout. He’s probably a 10 rather than a 9 because he’s a great guy as well - raised Catholic, recently married his long-term girlfriend and doesn’t seem to be into porn culture, as far as I can tell. We were sometimes alone together in college and he never tried it on with me. As always, good morals make someone more attractive.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 11:01 AM
14

I agree. I’ve even been in love with men the same height as me (I’m not tall) and men over 40 when I was in my mid 20s. The idea we’re all looking for supermodel looks is frankly ridiculous.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy28/05/20 10:59 AM
51

Yep! The friendship part is usually missing in action (pun intended).
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 09:53 PM
14

I have a very cool friend who enjoys anal but ONLY does it with men who let her peg them first. I think it’s a great idea.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy27/05/20 01:04 PM
19

I actually had a guy say this to me once, after he’d been stringing me along for 6 months!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 05:26 PM
4

It seems to be getting less and less common, and I blame porn. I dated a guy who said he’d only do it if I would do anal, so I did, and he was actually rather good at it. It seems so wrong though, looking back.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy26/05/20 10:41 AM
10

I was actually saying to my mum yesterday that things have got worse in the last couple of generations. I think she was skeptical at first but fully convinced by the time I’d finished my argument.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy25/05/20 01:19 PM
3

I have this exact problem. I have a ton of hobbies, several degrees in different disciplines, and a lot of interesting life experiences, but I’m still just seen as a sex toy. It depresses the hell out of me.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 11:46 PM
19

Yes, it’s designed that way, with a “social” aspect so they feel they’re letting their teammates down if they don’t play - it’s pathetic!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 08:15 PM
38

You’re right, but I don’t think it’s that new. I dated a guy a decade ago who was addicted to World of Warcraft. I was staying with him once and received some really bad news. I started to cry and he left the game for 30 seconds to comfort me, and then went straight back to it for the next several hours. Fucked up.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy24/05/20 07:07 PM
22

My experience is that during this lockdown period, men can’t be bothered to even try to get to know someone. Even the seemingly more compatible ones message for a few days and then stop replying or vanish, sometimes after asking for nudes. I think it says a lot about their true motives.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 11:04 PM
123

Wise words. Let’s remember too that porn has made the problem worse - not just rape porn, but also less extreme porn which teaches men to believe that a woman experiencing pain during sex is normal.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy23/05/20 01:39 PM
4

Yep. I’ve finally cleared multiple high risk strains of HPV and I intend to keep it that way!
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy22/05/20 10:39 AM
22

I used to be involved in that scene 🤮 and I didn’t meet one man who respected my boundaries. Not one. We have to get real that disrespecting boundaries is THE POINT. Just like they see in porn.
/r/FemaleDatingStrategy21/05/20 08:16 PM
You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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